For You.

It's been years since I last thought about it.
It's been more than 2 years, since I went there.
Lately, a cousin of mine,Deanna made me think about it, and suddenly, i realised that,

I MISS IT, TOO.

I've always wanted to go there since I was small, especially when Mom promised all of us, that we will get our chance when we are ready for it.

I love my parents so much for giving us that priceless experience and for that, when I look back at how my life is filled with love, luxury and privileges, I feel blessed. It was pretty much easier with the help of an aunt who lives there, her friend and my dear cousin. They made our trip, FUN.

It is our trip, since I went there with Elisha, my lovely cousin. Everything was unbelievable. Something extremely memorable happened. I happened to meet Hilary Duff. haha. I made it sound like we met in some store, when actually we lined up for 6 freaking hours. All i can say is, IT WAS ALL WORTH IT.

Shopping was heaven. Food was just fantastic. The company was great and entertaining. If I were to do it again, I would do it just the way it is, except that, for the Hilary Duff's concert, I would bring a banner saying that I just flew across the world, from Malaysia, just to see you! haha. I would probably wear a lot of Fair & Lovely or some other whitening cream because looking back at the photos, I looked like one of the African-American native and one thing for sure, I blend in with the others! Jangan lupa, my brother is Chris Brown. HAHA.

I used to get all these chills when I think about this holiday trip but not anymore now. Probably because, I have snapped out of my fantasy zone and checked in with the reality. I am studying hard now to go there again, with my own money. Plus, I am saving my money right now. haha. We'll see how it goes. Macam nak beli with little money.

Anyway Deanna, I know you will be just fine trying to adapt with life now. We are all here to back you up, cuzzie. Love you always and I can't wait to see you soon.

I still keep all of these things because I am ( still ) planning to create a scrapbook when I feel like doing it. But if I were to sit down and really get into it, I know I would want to go back soon and I know it's impossible ;( Anyway, Thanks to Mak gee, Aunty Dee and Abg Fiz for entertaining us when we were there!

and I am done with your twisted symphony

Given a choice, i would want to keep the both of you, forever
but we all know that's impossible due to obsolescence reason.

I love you, the one on the right, with the heart more compared to the one on the left
because that is my Maxis number.
You have served me well, for the past 2 years.
And I thank you for that.

Don't ask me why am i using the same hand phones.
Mom bought a new one so I took hers, for my Celcom number.

Mom gave me a green light to get this new hand phone because semua org cakap my phone dah uzur.
ok la, yang cakap tu WNA and FH yang masing masing phone pon sama uzur pftttttttt!
haha

This is the phone that I want.

Nokia E71
serious kan?
macam dah orang dah kerja.
heeeee ;) sukaaa!

BUT, this phone will cause me a fortune.
It is not as expensive as Iphone *sighhhhh*
Muya, kta ni nak jadi family soon ;))
so, HINT HINT la uncle shukor!

I still do want something like that,
even though I know that my fingertips are big compared to other people,
even though I know I will having a hard time adjusting to the new phone,
even though I know I will be facing a lot of trouble when I want to text while driving,
even though I know the camera is only 2.0 megapixel,
BUT, I still want it because, I think its cooooool.

so, I think I will buy a cheaper version of E71, which is E63.
There's a lot of differences actually, like no GPS, no in front camera, no ape tah lg.

we'll see how it goes.
duit bukan nya ade lg.
berangan je dulu.
but to spend RM800 on a phone is bit too much since I am still not working.
I can go travel with that money.
I really have to think carefully ;(.
hmmm

It all started when mom gave me the green light ;)

naaaakkkkkkkkkkkk plssssssssss

To Forgive & To Forget

I woke up this morning after being shouted by mom a few times, to perform the Subuh prayers. After I prayed, I went into my room with the only mission to sleep till noon. My plan stopped abruptly after I found my phone blinking, which means that I've got either a text message, or a missed call. (a bit too detail eh? I cant sleep after that, nothing much that i can do. Its only 7.23am)

I opened the message and I was left speechless. Just so you know, my heart stopped. Last night was a terrible night for me. That one message made me feel so awake that I think I can start cleaning the house soon and based on how I am feeling right now, the house will be spick and span. I am torn. My head is spinning. I am not even kidding. I am confused as hell.

I guess all that I'm trying to say is, you waved the white flag first, in these heated moments. And more than ever, I wish you didn't. I hope my reply did us justice. I want to forgive you, fully but I know by doing so, it doesn't mean that I will forget about it fully. It's not as easy as you think. More than ever, now I feel like listing down the things that made me so pissed. I even feel like numbering it, because trust me, I can list it down and put it in a sequence of events.

Exhibit A :

1. I am angry/mad/pissed off because..............................

2. I am stil angry/mad/pissed off because............................

But all of these things would not solve anything, at the moment, I suppose. And I'll take the it as it is. Don't think I am blogging this just to be even. I can't sleep and I know it will take a while for my scratched heart and torn mind to sink the facts in. All I'm saying is, let the time tell when my wounds will be healed because I'm tired to force it and sometimes, it is still bleeding and of course, it hurts. Sometimes, I think my words are harsh but when I think about your acts, none of my words matched your acts.

"You destroyed a thing that is known as hope, You took away my believes in words"

and a simple word like sorry, would not restructure back my faith in hope and words in a split second.

It was too late for me to erase it because I didn't bring a liquid at the time that I found this.
Any clue?

now that i have posted this, I am back to my sleepy mode. aaaaa.
Thank You, God.

The Youngest Of All

Look at what I found while I was cleaning my little sister's room.

If I am not mistaken, she was learning and jotting down her History notes. Everyone remembers right, History when we were in Form One. His Story was where everything came about. Then, we had to learn about Paleolitik, Mesolitik, Neolitik and such.

Look at the bubbles. Started out with Paleolitik, which is familiar but ended with Jonas Brothers.
hmmm, that's strange.
because I can't recall learning any history about The Jonas Brothers.
haha.

i guess, the day dreaming, the scribbling-your-notes-during-lectures, sleeping in class,
day dreaming, day dreaming and day dreaming
are in our blood and soul.

She's only 13 years old.
I am turning 20 years old.
The seven years gap doesn't seem to show nowadays.
She talks like an adult.
She dresses like one.
She thinks like one.
She takes pictures like adults as well.
I wonder how she'll turn out to be when she is 20 years old.
haha.

i love you, baby sister!

ps : you might be reading this. i may love you but my room is still restricted at times, for you.
haha

go figure.

We talk,
We see each other,
We talk,
We send a few text messages,
We talk,
We meet up here and there,

We act like strangers,

We talk,
We see each other,
We talk,
We joke around,
We talk,
We drive around,

We become strangers,

We talk,
We see each other,
We talk,
We goof around,
We talk,
We really talked.

We are real strangers.

what comes around, goes around.
So, go figure.

@puterihilton : ayam penyet nyet nyet

This is a reply to puteri nur sarah's older post in her blog http://puterihilton.blogspot.com about nasi ayam penyet nyet nyet.

before makan macam pelahap

selepas makan macam pelahap

it is a norm nowadays, kta suma kluaq, pastu tak makan smpai lambat lambat pastu bila smpai kdai makan, suma senyap sbb dah lapaq sgt pastu suma makan mcm pelahap pastu bla kenyang, baru nak ckp and tangkap gambaq.

tapi kali ni lain sket, sbb teringat kat ang la puteri.
kna tangkap sbb nak post kat blog utk ang!
hahaha

anyway, sambal dia pdasss nak mampuih!
tahap yang aku tak suka!
tapi ok ja, sbb ayaq limau dia sedap.

suma pas makan happy ja, especially iye sbb dapat makan benda pedas nak mati
pastu kami xbising sebab nanti dia saket perut.
kenapa puteri? ang slalu takda ka sunway bila aku pi sunway?
pastu nanti bila jalan2 depa kata,
'tuan rumah sunway xda nak tunjuk jalan, tapi kawan baik dia ada so takpala'
haha ni menunjukkan, ang slalu p bejalaaan!

haih, nak stop cakap la. aku dah jadi mcm ang dah, kuat beletiaq.
haha.

a reminder to aliyah md saad & maisara arsat,
aku maybe kat alostaq, agak kebosanan, sbb ampa suma xdak,
tapi aku belum pekak, buta atau bisu, apatah lagi RABUN
smpai xle nampak yang ampa nak kluaq tinggai kan aku kat sini sorng2!
hahaha.
facebook slalu bagi kantoi suma benda.
so if ampa p, jangan nak buat album tulih
'DEDICATED TO JASMIN ANIS' naaaa

jgn la kluaq ;'(
aku blk jmaat ni ja pon.
tak mau amek ka kat sh alam koi 4 pagi?

One Week.

everyone is at home.

mohamad adam jasmin anis mohamad aiman athirah anis

and even elisha fadhilah is here. mom used the power given by God. she executed her rights by sending us all a simple message saying that she missed the the three of us and that the house is empty that no one else can annoy her except my little sister and her dearly husband. haha. now that we are all home, pls beware mother. i planned on skipping two classes and it turned out that both classes were cancelled ;) just to show how much my mom was missing us and suddenly, i found out that classes are cancelled for the whole week. more reasons to smile and stay at home much more longer ;) berkat balik kerana ibu terchenta. sumpah kali ni balik sebab nak jmpa mak tok and mama and papa ;))

i went to gurney just now, after not going there for so long. that was my first time there after the whole renovation. that shows how long i haven't been to penang ans visit my grandma. suddenly i feel like a bad granddaughter. sorry mak tok. i will try to visit you more often. i was thinking the other day, how much i missed my grandpa on my father's side, arwah tok wan. i used to see him every month when i was younger. other than my dad, he was the one who instilled in us, the importance of reading and thus, he bought us all kinds of reading materials. for example, Pintar, Kuntum, newspapers cutting and last but not least, Mangga. yes , the one and only Mangga magazine yang kadang kadang macam lucah tu. haha. as long as i am reading, he's happy. Al-Fatihah.

i am happy today because, since i've been living outside, i have to handle eveything on my own, including all the payments. but today, i don't have to pay for anything and that made me feel like a kid. haha.it felt really good, when you go inside a shop, picked something that you liked, and make a cute sappy face to your mom and she will take it straight to the counter. haha. honestly, this will be a much longer holiday than my last semester break holiday. so, i am enjoying every minute of it. BUT mohamad aiman is around as well, so i have to share the car. haihhhhhhh.....

deleted scenes.

hello people,

It's been a while since I updated my blog with all my tedious news like I've registered for my degree but I still can't register for my classes. Therefore, French classes, you have to wait and not be to excited as I am not sure whether I can join you or not. I hope I can ;)

Little - Little updates :

1. Liyana Aqelah left for NZ last monday. I'm glad that she did because, ever since we enrolled into UITM and became roommates in July 07, she has always been the persistent one. We all know that eventually, she will go and study abroad but when the time actually came, no one wanted to acknowledge it right. But we still have to and we have to admit that she's not in class anymore. I miss you, Liy. I really do. Since you're gone, Pah has been coming in class early and no more late comers. Haha.

2. I am a legal student after two weeks of going in and out of Encik Mohamad Ezrien bin Mohamad Kamal's room. I can even remember his timetable. Eg : He teaches Audit in Level 14 at 2pm. Haha. So, don't go to his room at that particular time, cause he's not around. Plus, he likes to go his class early so that he can prepare his lectures in advance. Heeeeee ;) Not only he's a good co-ordinator, he's also a good lecturer ;) BUT, sir, I still can't register for my classes and that is the most crucial part. Other than that, Alhamdulillah that everything has settled.

3. My matrix number is almost like how I imagined it to be. Coincidence i guess. 2009xxx494. walawey! haha. Matrix number is very important as you will be using it for the next 2 and a half years. It is really important if you're not flying off elsewhere, like me!

4. My mom said just forget about studying abroad as it will only be a mental burden for me if I can't fulfill it and obviously, funding for the tuition money and living expenses would be the main limitations. So, for now, UITM will do. But everyone is applying and is actually leaving. Maryam in leaving this Monday ;(

5. Curtain bilik dah siap. weeeeheeee! But, it's green and not pink. Be thankful Jasmin Anis Noor Allam. Yes, I am thankful.

6. I got a visitor late last night. Never thought that i would get a visit from THAT visitor at that hour but whatever.

7. I watched Harry Potter and it was awesome. Put aside all the critics reviews, i liked it! I wanna watch it again. Qaila? Hannah? I think I'm gonna watch it with my little sister and therefore, I have to go back to AS in one of these weekends. Luckily, I only have one class on Friday.

8. I may be watching Transformer again tonite for the third time with my cousins!

9. Last Thursday, I was walking towards PTAR and I saw someone looking like The Angel from the back view but then after I checked, it's not him. phewwwww but where are you??

10. Takde bnda pon nak tulis but nak bagi cukup 10. Next post will be jiwang. TERIMA KASIH.

glory glory!

Out of my 2 years living in Shah Alam as an Uitm student, i have never went back to Ampang by Star LRT but today, out of all the days in the calendar years, my cousin asked me to stop at the Star Ampang station. Today, out of all the days, is the day that all the red devils have decided to unite. Everyone is wearing red. Yes, they are still wearing it as I'm typing this, all the Manchester United supporters are lining up in the burning hot sun with the unbearable amount of heat but I guess, when you are a fanatic, it doesn't matter. Been there, done that. haha. Where are all the Gunners, anyway? I don't know at what time will the match starts but i do know Abdam is there with Abgfa and Jay. A few of my friends and other cousins are going as well, so HAVE FUN, peeps! Someone was complaining in Facebook since no one is wearing yellow to support Malaysia. haha. I bet everyone is supporting our own country quietly but it's not everyday that Manchester United pays a visit. Anyway, RED is nice colour on a guy. So, I opened my eyes as widely as I can to spot the hot and the not and I can say, my eyes are quite clean now. haha.

ARE YOU WEARING A RED TEE AS WELL TODAY? yea, YOU!

her dreams came true.

i don't want to say the wrong things but can't help it. i'm stuck and i'm optioning all way out.

one word.

you know why.
you should know why.
you ought to know why.
you must know why.
you know why.

don't ask
don't pretend like i am the party at fault
don't act innocent
don't
just don't

it reached it's climax at some point.
and that's the end of it.
i don't care.
i don't fucking care.
that's how much i don't care about it.
eeeekkk.

just talking, writing, thinking about it, makes me dizzzzyyy.
let's sleep or do something more useful.




i am holding on for dear life.

thank you.

thank you to the Head of some camp in Sungkai for giving me the approval letter that i greatly needed.

thank you to Mr Ezrien, for all your help, all the phone calls you made and had to take, all the meeting you had to attend, all the people you had to go see just to settle my problems due to my carelessness. i can't thank you enough.

thank you to my mom for listening to all my nonsense whining crap. i love you mom.

and, and my dad for settling it out for me, for calling my former camp and everything. i love you pa.

thank you, friends. each of everyone of it. yg tlg drive, yg kna dengar, yg kna main rambut, yg kna main tangan, yg kna mcm2 lagi. haha

so, over all, i did get the letter of approval that i really needed and it was just in time.

maybe it can be done by next week. but we'll see how it goes and we'll hope for the best, Insya Allah.

ps: thank you for giving me some emotions tonight. bukan snang nak feeling lebeyh2 skrg. you turned me into a heartless person and now, this. THANK YOU. happy 16th birthday abg yeen, i had a blast last night. muah muah!

my mess.

all i wanted was for you to listen,
all i wanted was for you hear me out,
all i wanted was for you to calm me down,
all i wanted was for you to tell me that things will be over soon
and
all i wanted was for you to tell me that things will be okay soon

and the only line that i got was,

'we are cleaning up your mess so.........'

i've never said that it was other people's fault because i know this is the price that i have to pay for my carelessness.

it's just that sometimes, i wish that you will just listen because after all, that's what i wanted.
for you to just hear me out.

so pls, hear me out.

nothing else has been occupying my mind but this.

nak register subject, takda no matrix
nak masuk mandarin, takda no matrix,
nak masuk klas B, takda no matrix,

eh ada, tp 2007xxxxxx, bukan 2009xxxxxx

i wish i could get this matrix number
2009400424

yes, the matrix number is not important but it's not like i have anything else to think about right now.

ps: come on PLKN, help me out here.
do me some justice will ya?

problem #2

problem still byk tak settle.

but at least, dah dpt rumah.

tp still xle register for degree.

apa point dpt rumah if xyah nak gi klas.

nak balik AS sbb nak demam.

i hate uitm and i ain't gonna lie.

tp rumah depan rumah mysara.

senang nak beronggeng.

tp nanti mama risau.

sbb tak blaja.

so kna study btol2 sbb nak prove kat mama kalau xdok kolej pon ok je.

tp duit pkai byk sgt skrg.

rumah, buku, makan.

kna jimat.

verification letter from NS still xdpt.

bole xcaya je that i really did go to my NS?

i did use the M16.

apa lg masalah baru?

for now tu je la.

tp mcm byk jgak kan.

especially yang xle register degree tu.

tp semalam, nampak The Angel.

i didn't expect to see him in front of my new house.

seronok.

nak tgk lagi.

tp bila?

bila nak lalu lagi ni?

i don't mind waiting ;)

ok dah boring.

i need panadol or smthing equivalent to it.

SERABUT SGT.

encik ezrien, HELP ME. pls, pretty pls pls pls.

back to basics

*aisya, min curik gamba*

maybe at that actual registering moment, it's not fun because just look at the amount of people at the back.
the weather, the heat, the sweating part, the thirsty part.
haha
but the thought of being there with your friends, is FUN!

suma nampak macam diploma tapi dah kenal masing masing.
haha.

i'm coming back tonite! don't worry.
but..... i know i will be missing home so badly
because athirah will be left all alone.
hmm, sorry adek.

Problem #1

i am going back to shah alam tomorrow night and a part of me is quite excited. I miss my friends a lot. You can't blame a girl for missing all her friends so much, especially, the ones that she has been spending time with 24/7, seven days a week.

i am not back in Shah Alam yet and the problems keep on arising at a speed that i can't keep up. First, it was the NS certificate and how i can't register for my degree. Secondly, i need to go to the NS center in Wangsa Maju. Thirdly, where the hell am i gonna stay? UITM has spoken that we have to look for our own accomodation. I think people are currently pissed because if only they have informed us earlier, at least something could be done. This is like, classes are starting in 2 days time, and we have no place to stay. If we are all living outside, the transportation would be another issue. FYI, money doesnt grow on trees. I've checked.

So, the thing that has been bothering me the most is the fact that i have to go to the NS service center and settle my case. AND, i don't know where did i put my MUET slip. haha. i have problems with papers and my dear friends know that. haha. i like papers, but i have problem keeping them. I don't like to use those rings and how i wish i could just staple them all together!

Aih, stress. But as long as i am still in Kedah, everything is just fine. How i wish i could join you girls during the registering session just now. *sigh*

the wind that blew my heart away.

I know this card came along with something else, but frankly, i am having a hard time, trying to recall the present that actually came along with it. I found this, with other cards but i think this is the funniest among all. They were actually very sweet when they were 16 years old. some trip down the memory lane huh.

ps: i heart uitm so much that i can never get enough of it.

UITM updates :

1. I am now BFF with our charming Mr KP, Encik Ezrien. He's been calling me everyday, to settle all my documentation regarding my Co-curricular activity is Part 1. PART 1!

2. The HEP people has been calling me a lot as well, like they have no other important things to do but thanks anyway for the concern.

3. I heard everyone is not getting the college facilities. COOL! We can stay at the newly built building near Melati.

4. I feel like chopping off VC's moustache. it's not doing anybody any good. high cost to maintain those misai!

5. We still have 8 subjects. uhuhhh. i thought my fast track days were over already. and suddenly, they came running back!

6. We had a total of only like 10 days of holidays? FUN.

7. I am not trying to kutuk my own university but all the pain, hardships, sorrowness that they made us endure are just too much sometimes.

8. Perhaps, they can just cut on the amount of students and focus on the small amount and enhance their quality. That's all i'm saying. NO point of nak amek banyak2 student and you can't produce the best results. I get it, nak tolong melayu but come on la.

9. Dah la, nak sambung kemas bilik/bag/hati/kepala otak

10. I thought i had all the time in the world but too bad, i don't actually have time.

Brother of 18 years.

surprise, surprise.

who would have thought that i would actually miss him in the course of only a week? it took hannah only a day to realise that she missed andy. haha. i miss my little brother and no, not Mr George Clooney. He's not in my fantasy list, thank you. haha. Aiman is actually smiling in this picture which is so rare for him because, among all four of us, he is the quiet one. The one who rarely speaks and can go on sulking all day long. When he got the offer from Uitm, i was the one yang excited because he can meet Hanis Zalikha. haha.

I was quite happy when i knew that i don't have to share the car with anybody since aiman's not around, but suddenly, when i don't have to fight for the car, i felt like , eh, xyah nak gadoh ke nak kluar arini? hmmm, that was weird. haha. usually, he will be the one who stole my drummets after i fry them. last time, he was the one who will say, jom pegi kampung pisang. he will be the one buying dinner for the house when i was not around. he will be the one buying topup for athirah late at night. he will be the one bringing athirah to 7E for slurpiessss. after he got his driving license, i was not allowed to drive when he's in the car anymore. Up to the point where he will just make a face and just ask for the car keys from me, with no words being uttered. Not that i love to drive, but saje nak tunjuk that i'm older than him. haha. he's quiet but his girlfriend says that he talks a lot. okayyyyyy. For a boy who likes to sulk, he doesn't mind waiting for me, for hours when i enter into a shop. One time, i think i spent 3 hours inside ONE particular shop and he said nothing but 'dah siap?' . haha. he was really patient. Aiman is the total opposite of Adam, the older brother.

Asal nak tulis panjang2 kan psal dia ni. He's only in Segamat, bukan London pon kan. I just want to say that, i miss you little brother and i am in your room now while i'm typing this. sob sob. hmm, over plak. Good luck and Study btol2. Love you!