I do, Do you?

I believe that things will turn around soon enough.
I believe that I am a reckless driver when I am around someone more superior.
I believe that karma do exists and it bites.
I believe that if you build something based on a crime, the thing that you just built might fall since the fundamentals of it is not strong enough.
I believe that patience is the key.
I believe that if you put your parents ahead of everything that you do, your life will be full of blessings.
I believe that if you wait for something to happen and it doesn't happen, then probably something better is about to come.
I believe that money makes the world go round.
I believe in UiTM , though at times, they cant stop to let me down.
I believe that some where down the road, I might still get my chance to study abroad.
I believe that I will earn my gray Swift from my own hard core money.
I believe that some people are just so mean and down right evil.
I believe that everyone is hypocrite in some ways.
I believe that one way or another, we will lose in some games we play, even when we bring our best game forward.
I believe that there is a reason why the writer of OTH is not bringing back Peyton and Lucas even though the story line is kinda sucky without them.
I believe that accountant are very calculative. HAHA
I believe that the truth will prevail soon.
I believe that when you love someone so much, you are just so blind to accept the truth about that person that you love.
I believe that life is meaningless when you tend to make it perfect.
I believe in planning but at the same time, just go with the flow.
I believe that I will be successful in the future. Amin.
I believe that guys who can speak and write in English well are very uberly sexy.
I believe that I will meet Ashton Kutcher one day.
I believe in talking to your mom everyday and letting her know everywhere that you are going.
I believe in being nice to people and they will be nice to you as well.
I believe in cleaning.
I believe in my own words even when others doubt it.
I believe in loyalty.
I believe in Malaysia Airlines.
I don't quite believe that BEL will get you in a good job position in the future. Haha

But, I really believe in prayers and I believe that things happen for a reason, although the reason may not be good but there must be a lesson to be learned at the end of it.

Temporary Post

I never did cry when everything happened but that doesn't mean I don't feel a thing.
I never did say anything bad about you here when everything happened but that doesn't mean that you're an angel.

Once, I told my self 'Let us pass all of this to fate and destiny and just let them handle everything based on their nature and with that, I needed signs and I did a few tests so that I will get those signs and as my wishes did came true, those signs were on my side. So, I kept quiet.

But you. You and your little wild mischievous thoughts and all those crap 'angelic' move you put upfront just to show that you're such a goody goody two shoes when you're actually another satan.

Stop playing Cupid already alright.

Yeah, posting this made me feel as if I am as low as you are but hey, you will always get things done by your way and tadaaaaa, you still get the #1 ranking. Please claim your prize at the end of the tunnel which I can see you fall.

If the past is already done and the present is moving on, then why is it that I can see my past running wildly and smiling in the future?

Abang Kacak Pakai Cekak

As I am writing this, I am watching One Tree Hill. Now, my Raya is perfect. Haha. Anyway, Raya was awesome. Really awesome, perhaps because I did not anticipate such good times and as a return, that's what I get. Awesome time with awesome people. Karouke with 24, more or less people, mamak with them, food, food and food, duit raya, photo shoots at gurney, wrapped with love, gifts, chocolates, gatherings, beach, open houses, family, friends and meeting abang kacak pakai cekak days before raya ;)

ps : Last Raya was different. Really different because of the date and the timing. Timing is very important.

my favourite picture for raya

what are you willing to lose?

You guys know how I am affected by the whole going away thing. Suddenly, tonight, I heard a more terrible news that made me feel like oh well, the going away thing is not a big deal anymore because at least, my friends are alive and safe.

I got back from meeting some friends tonight and my sister told me that one of her schoolmates. which is my junior, lost her whole family in a car accident in Gurun, Kedah and with that, she was left only with her 10 year old sister. Mind you, she is only 14 years old this year. When I heard this news, it made me feel like crying. My stomach started to grumble and I suddenly feel thankful.

I know I've been complaining about not being in the Raya mood etc etc etc but tonigt, it made me realised that Raya is something that should involve family and it should be sincere from the heart. I may be apart from all my cousins, aunties, uncles and grandmothers but at least, they are out there celebrating and not sitting at home mourning.

I feel like visiting the girl and say that we are all here to her, even when I don't know the girl. I hope that my mom will try and do something since she's one of the teacher there. One, it is Raya and two, even if it is not around Hari Raya, still, you just lost your family, your backbones and the source to your everything.

I don't want to think about how my life would be without my family because it would be beyond my imagination. All I can say now is, be thankful for the life that you have now and be grateful that your family still has your back

btw, I wanna wish a happy birthday to my father. HAPPY BIRTHDAY PA!

Looking for the Rainbows.

As Ramadhan is coming to an end soon, and Syawal is stepping in soon,
I would like to take the opportunity
to wish everyone Selamat Hari Raya and Maaf Zahir Batin.
It has been a rough year for me and I hope by the time Raya kicks in,
we can all forget about what happened in the past and start living life
to the fullest with the most positive vibe ever.

After Raya, another thing that will keep our mind off for a while is Finals.

Ok, I do not need to elaborate on finals. They suck. They take your time away from evrything.

So, let's talk about something fun shall we.

I am going to KFC to day, * kat kedah ada kfc baru bukak, so suma cam jakun lagi nak buat gathering kat KFC kan* to buka posa with my seniors, but Sarah will not be around. I wanna go drive around tonite and go meet some people and wish them Selamat Hari Raya. hehe.

Mr K, watch out. Haha.

What else?

Baju raya saya warna biru tahun ni. Awak bagaimana?
Saya balik penang esok nak beraya dengan nenek saya pastu balik batu pahat nak beraya dengan nenek lagi satu pasa hari raya pertama. Awak bagaimana?
Saya tak sabar nak tunggu duit raya yang banyak banyak tu. Awak bagaimana?
Saya juga tak sabar nak makan sedap sedap macam lontong, ayam bistik di Jengkuan, kuah kari, ketupat dan macam macam lagi. Awak bagaimana?
Saya tak sabar nak jumpa sedara mara saya, sepupu sepupu saya yang banyak dan tak akan kering gusi bergelak ketawa bersama mereka. Awak bagaimana?
Cuma satu, saya tak nak naik kereta lama lama sebab saya tau, jalan akan penuh sesak dengan segala jenis kereta.

apa pon, tak sabar nak balik raya sebab, selama ni mmg takda feel macam nak raya pon.

haihhh,

oh yeah, my fave quote for the week is , " Min, awat ang kawan ngn kami lagi aa? Ang kan dah banyak kawan, " ni ayat terbaik yah. Hahaha. Aku sayang ang smpi mati.

Anyways, Selamat Hari Raya everyone. Seriously, Maaf Zahir Batin.

especially to the students of UH. Have fun on your first time of celebrating Raya away from your family and friends!

oh yeah, one more thing, kenapa masa aku nak fly gi Uk aritu takde sape nanges aa? hehe

it was for real.

The countdown to our nightmares came to an end this morning which by the way the nightmare turned into something worse. I was among the first one to shed the tears, which by the way I can't help it since she came and hugged me first and we didn't say anything but just stood there and hugged each other. As I am typing this, I can personally say that the tears are about to come down again but when I think about how happy they will be there, starting their new adventure and new chapter in life, those tears ran away.

Her absence which is only less than 24 hours for now , became obvious when I wanted to text her about something exciting and I realised that she can't reply like usual. I wish she could because I wanted to tell her about something exciting. Kan Aloyah kan? Best tak msg aku tadi? hahaha. As I am writing now, I know you have just reached Heathrow. Haihh, I will try to fulfill my promise that I will go visit you, one day.

I miss you already ;) Have fun, guys!


ps : aisya and yana are leaving as well. Feels like running to u now, yana.

Eugene, Elizabeth and Penelope.

One of the sweetest episodes ever. Sorry for the spoilers guys but I am loving the fact that One Tree Hill keeps on coming up with, I wouldn't say creative but just some romantic gestures to keep the story line alive. Hehe. My favourite couple is right back in track but of course, they go through bumps along the road but I can assure you, they are doing just fine.

But I still miss Lucas and Peyton though. Tree Hill means, Lucas playing by the river court, Peyton painting some art that she thinks doesn't matter and there will be Lucas to back her up by saying her art does matter. Brooke trying to be the best person she can be while dealing with a lonely life and her troublesome mom and then, Julian comes along and saves her from all the heartfelt trouble and feeds her with so much love and sincerity. Haley and Nathan, still trying ot figure out what they are without achieving their dreams but only to realise that they are nothing without their dreams, along with Jamie. That's what I look for in One Tree Hill. They represent the real things that matter in life. It's not just another chick flick that you think is always on the television. It is more than that.

They show you the real side of having friends and family. When someone claims that they are best friends, what they will do for those they truly love. They just don't say it, just to show the rest of the world what it is without actually believing in it. They show their appreciation and care. They show it, by all means that they can and afford.

Okay, this is relating to some other kinds of things. My real life situation. From now on, you're on your own. We made a pact already and we all cast the votes already. You're out. I am tired of it and this friendship cannot work just coming from one side. Cannot.

ps : Brooke didn't propose to Julian. Bummer.

Raya is Raya.

I seriously don't know whether it is just me or everyone else feels the same, or there's been a bug/virus buzzing around but I noticed that no one is excited for Hari Raya, or maybe it's just me? I do not feel anything for this upcoming event that is supposed to be the most awaited event of all times, as it involves food, family and the utmost important thing, duit raya. I heard everyone saying that they do not have baju raya yet, the main baju kurung that is. Let alone going shopping for the rest of the raya attire. Jeans, shoes, handbags and evrything else. Mom has said that there will be no allowance for shopping this year. I wonder why but one thing for sure is that, I don't see any of my siblings complaining. So what is it? Have we grown out of the Hari Raya spirit? I don't know. It's only a week away from the big day but it seems that they are not really that many houses that has put up the lights. Raya used to mean a lot. Perhaps it still does but it used to be more cheerful and a lot more fun when we were kids.

I really need to get my self together now and start acting like a human being rather than let myself end up like a heartless clown. I should start now. I will. But tonite, I will still let Bubble Spinner take charge of who I am. Haha.

ps : I remember last raya. I was strolling around Gurney Plaza looking for a birthday present but I ended up with nothing, like I always do. But in return, I got a great memory out of it ;) Another memory that will not be discarded easily coz it doesn't seem to fade, not anytime soon.

Ready?

A one year break is not possible now is it, because now that I am bonded with the government. Mom will not let me off the hook easily. I should have taken the other road when I had the chance to do it. Dad got me a car. There's no way I am bailing out now. Those material things should be the things to boost my eagerness to stay motivated in life, right? Well, at certain point they do but at some point, they are just some objects that help me, physically but not emotionally. Anyways, I do appreciate all the things that I have now. But somehow, they don't fill the empty void inside. They don't. I want to go somewhere. Somewhere as in, out of here.

A friend said, reading my current posts seemed like, I have no life, or no objective in life or in other meaning, putus harapan nak hidup. haha. I should get a job or something. Perhaps I will.

It's not like that. It's just, I know something is missing and yet, my dreams, as in, mimpi tido is feeding me with unwanted stuff and slowly, they are coming true and I do nothing but I wait for those things to come true. Because, they do.

Three out of three, came true. Score! So, the fourth one is the big one. Ready, Jasmin Anis?

ps : Happy 20th Birthday Bulan.

one year break.

I am not being myself nowadays.

I don't miss home anymore like how I used to.
I am always lazy.
I sleep at around 6am daily.
I eat a lot like a pig.
I hardly touch any book nowadays.
I don't sleep well.
I don't feel anything anymore.
I am not being me.

All I do now is sit in front of the laptop
and watch all the tv series in the world.
I don't miss shopping that much.
I don't really go to the mall that much.
I hardly watch a movie at the cinema.
I don't read books anymore.
I hate replying text messages nowadays
and all I do is pick up the phone and just dial the number.

I think all I want to do now is quit studying for a year,
if that is even possible
and wonder around the world,
looking for excitement,
like going to Italy and learn how to make pizzas,
like go to LA and make coffees for Ashton Kutcher,
like go to Thailand and learn how to make the best Tomyam,
like go to France and learn to make pastries,
and just go to some writing class and learn how to write wonderful things
even when you are numb.

sometimes i think, you took the very best of me
and what is left with me now is all the leftover crumbs
but sometimes i think its unfair to put all the blame on one person.

wishing well

It's not how you feel but it's more of how you actually do it.
But what you feel inside determines the actions that you will take.
A sane act will cause you less trouble.
But what's the thrill of performing a non risky act with a much lower return?
When the odds are laid out in front of your eyes,
You wish you have taken the one with the biggest possibility of winning
But what are your actual stakes at scoring it if the chances are losing are there as well
Even when it is only a small portion of it?
You plan as much as you can with the rest of your life
But when it is the act of God that comes into the matter,
Nothing much you can do but accept it with an open heart
You can't do much especially when He is showing you what is best for you
Even when the best plan takes half of your journey to reach the destination
At least you know that you will be at the end of the line, safely
When one says something definite
How do you counter it back just by saying how you want it to be
When you know that what you want is different from what the other person wants
Different people have different wants
But once the heart wants what the heart wants, that's the final say of it...