I read somewhere that things in life can be divided into two; Things I can change and things I can't change. I agree and I should live by this mantra. 

So, last week, my car got broken into in the middle of the night and a few days later, my laptop got stolen at my aunt's house. Bear in mind, the car was smashed in Ampang and my laptop got stolen in Damansara. It's not like the thief had targeted me since the beginning of time. In my case, its just me having all the bad luck in the world, that week but I am glad I am not auditing any company right now, so basically, I am free right now with no urgent documents and such. Everything has been sent to the server but of course, there are a few documents that I need inside. Nevermind.. A police report has been lodged and just by sending in the report to the IT department, they will give me a new one. Alhamdulillah I didn't have to pay for it or anything. My aunt's house got robbed pretty badly. I hope the thieves find peace within themselves, for taking other people's things. People work hard to buy cars, houses, jewelleries and more and I don't know how the thieves can sleep at night knowing that they are living lavishly through other people's hardwork. 

But maybe, the things that were taken were never ours in the first place. I don't know. So maybe the laptop was never mind in the first place? Haha so, this is categorized as things I can't change. I just have to deal with it, patiently. However, I can change the way I look at it. Just be positive about it, I guess. 2012 is ending soon, wrapping the year in a very weird way. Not looking forward to 2013. I will be 24 years old. Old. That's old. Let's make a long post of 2012 shall we?

6 months later..

Last Tuesday, my car got broken into by one or two thieves at roughly about 12 to 6 in the morning. Haha this feels like as if I am writing an essay to be passed up to the English teacher in one hour. I know I am supposed to feel something about this incident but somehow I was quite calm about it. That morning, I woke up when my aunty's bibik shouted 'Min, kereta kamu kena pecah! Kenapa tak bangun lagi?' I obviously woke up late that morning, thinking that I had no work to be done, hence I can go in slightly later than usual. Jumped out of the bed, ran straight to my car without my glasses, pretending like as if I am not blind when in actual fact, everything was in a blurry mode. The window that was smashed was the one at the back, on the left side. I browsed through the car, everything was still at its place. Touch n' Go was there, my perfume was there, my P2 notes was there and my shoes was there as well. So what was missing? My old pink sweater. Perhaps, the burglar felt a bit chilly that night, that he or she needed my Pink sweater to keep him or her warm? Maybe. Or maybe, he or she loves pink? I guess so. I am just glad that nothing valuable when missing, alhamdulillah. My first thought that morning was, "Did I take out my laptop last night?" But of course I did. I love my work so much, that I'd cling to my laptop at all times. Hehe. Okay maybe not. 

The whole house was of course, in a chaotic mode, trying to figure out how did it happen and how to fix my windows. I called my father straight away then he asked me to go to Perodua and get it fixed right away and I did. Luckily it was not that expensive. In about 3 hours, my car got itself a brand new window and after lunch hour, I went to work as usual again and everything went back to normal. Apparently, the insurance will only cover your windscreen but not your side windows. I guess I was calm about it because I know I cannot do much about it. I just have to go fix it and just move on with my life. 

Manic Tuesday.

Keretaku kena pecah. Habis cerita.

14 days of unhappiness.

Is it possible that after 5 years of taking the course, I feel like I'm in the wrong course? 5 freaking years and still counting, still studying the same thing and I can't even understand a thing right now. Exam is in 6 days time and I can't concentrate thinking about work and when I'm working I think about failing the exam. Okay, lets start with one by one. First thing, about work. I don't handle stress well and that's not new but this time around, I'm just so stressed out. Going into my second engagement, I regret saying yes to it because, it is a big engagement. Many things that I need to know, that I need to remember and I am not even doing the big sections! I should have joined a smaller job in a smaller industry. At least, that way probably the pressure is not so high up the sky. I cried twice last week because I was so scared. Don't even ask me what was it that I am scared of, but when the seniors ask me questions that I don't remember doing, my knees will start to go weak and my ears becomes hot. At that point of time, if you were to ask me what is 1+1, I'll probably can't even answer it. Don't ask me why, I just don't know. All these are giving me daily headache, I hate waking up in the morning. I feel like quitting, all the time and I am jot even confirmed yet! Last week, I even googled 'Regret joining audit' and I am glad to say, after browsing through this anonymous blog, I slept happily that night. One of the comments was saying about 'How auditing made me turn to God'. LOL! Too funny! And another one was saying about how he has been working for 1 year and 3 months and still haven't grasped the whole idea of auditing and he has been passing unknown knowledge to his juniors. Hahaha. God, it feels good to know that I am not the only one. Currently, I feel like I am at my lowest point because last week, I screwed up at work. I always go back to the reason why I am there. I am working at an audit firm because I want to learn. I accept the fact that I am super slow, incompetent but I am willing to learn. Learning takes time I guess but, but I swear it doesn't help when the seniors know that you used to be an intern at that same particular company, thinking that you actually have a clue on what you're doing but actually, you still dont'. BUT they are really nice actually. I should thank my lucky stars that they don't mind teaching me from A to Z or maybe they do but oh well, I should just be thankful. But I have short term memories these days that I don't even remember what I learned last week, please don't expect me to remember things I did a year ago. Haih. I soooo need to catch up but at the same time, I shall not let it get to me. I want to quit.... I've been counting the weeks and I have 144 weeks to go. I'm starting to wonder how the hell did I pass my papers all these while and that leads to the ext topic, my exam. S many things to study, so little time. I know I should go and study now but I just can't. Head all over the place. I lost a kilo from all the nervousness that I went through in the past 2 weeks. Imagine in 3 years, how thin will I be.. Pooof! I'm gone.... I'll give it a year.. I just found out that I'm not a tough cookie. I just... I just don't want to be doing things that I don't like... I don't want to wake up on Saturday, hating life because its reaching Monday already because that's how I feel right now....

Sneak peek of the Peak.

I admit defeat. I have to and it only took me 2 months and 6 days to make such announcement. I admit now that it is extremely hard to juggle work, studies and social life. I am so used to saying 'Yes, yes and yes' to all kinds of hang outs with family and friends and I have been learning or more like adapting to the 2 letter word, 'No'. It's either a 'No' or its an 'I don't think I'll make it on time' Pfttt. Actually, I was free up until 2 weeks ago since the new engagement has started. 

One minute you're thinking about the workload, then suddenly, you catch a glimpse of something that will remind you of your exam. Then wait until you go to your client's cubicle to beg for documents and you'll see a picture of them with their family displayed on the desktop and your mind goes 'When are you gonna have THAT displayed on your laptop?' And of course, you will forget about the work AND exam. Hahahaha. Loser.

One thing for sure now, is that I am not fidgety anymore when the clock strikes 5.30pm because I can never go back at that particular time anymore. I will just look at the watch and say 'Oh, its only 5.30pm' and my mind will calculate the hours left before I can go back. Everyday, I wake up with the same thought asking myself why am I doing this when the rest of the housemates are still sleeping and will only wake up at 9am to study. Why did I choose to do this? I can never actually put it down in words. Seeing your housemates sleeping while you have to go to work can be quite depressing actually. 

But I came across this magical thought while I was on my way to go see Breaking Dawn, which by the way I think is really beautiful ;') I love Jacob but Edward and Bella are too sweet. So, back to my magical thought. I was thinking right, if suddenly Jacob asks me to marry him ( HAHAHAHA) I will say 'Yes' in a heartbeat forsho! BUT, I was thinking, will I stop working? And just let him take care of me for the rest of my life? What will I become? A girl who married a freaking hot guy, rich but no dream of mine? So, I figured, I actually want to be at least, successful in my own way. 

In other words, I should not quit although sometimes, I think I really want to. Back to Breaking Dawn, I think I should do a marathon tonight. Watch all the whole Twilight Saga although a loyal reader of mine thinks its utterly stupid. Hey, I like it okay. Haha. Oh, remember how I've always wanted to work in the newsprint or journalism sector? I am actually auditing a company that is involved in that sector. God works miraculously, don't you think? I learn how things operate at a newsprint company but I still get to do what I love to do, both at the same time and one thing that I can say is that, I am glad I chose accounting. Although, I have to admit, auditors/accountants can be really boring at times and oh, nerdy also. 

Sorry to blab on immaterial things. I wish I had better things to write about like holiday trips and such, but as for now, I have none but I'll be on study leave starting from 1st December until my exam date. That should be exciting enough right? Hehe hmm, okay. So the conclusion of this post is that, I don't hate my job but I don't love my job alright? Its in the middle. I like it. I don't cringe in the morning because I don't want to go to work. I don't mind going but it would be better if I can just stay at home and cuddle with my blanket and pillow. The team makes it better actually :) 

RED.

I love how her albums are always coming out in October.

It's like Taylor Swift saying, 

"Hey Jasmin, I decided to make your month extra special. So I'll release my album just a few days before your birthday alright?" 

I can hear her say that. 

So, my reply to her would be,

"Thanks Taylor. You're so sensitive towards my feelings. Your album is basically my diary but somehow, you have the guts to voice it out, you have got the talent to play the guitar and you can sing.

I can only write them down in Microsoft Words, save it as draft in my emails and never did send them anywhere. Hahaha and oh, thank you for the early birthday present! :) 

3 more days to go before the weekends. 

:DDDD

5 more days to go before the RED is released !

One level.

Shocked, puzzled and some pretended like as if my curly hair is still visible :O Those were some of the reactions that I received from my surroundings when they saw me for the last one month. Not to mention those second glances that people gave me, because the first glance did not do justice for them. The eye contact made on the first sight was not sufficient for them to know that was me, they needed the assurance that it was really me. Funny, it really was and it made me wonder how different do I really look like now. Officially, it has been a month and I thought, I might as well give the reasons on why I chose to don the scarf, when in actual fact, no reason should be given. This is a big transition, trust me and I should document this down, in detail. Oh, I've been working for a month too! Weee!

Initially, I thought there would be no big adjustments to be made because I have actually been preparing for this big transition slowly by buying appropriate clothes for the past one year but as I was slowly cleaning out my closet, I realised I was actually really sad to  put aside all my tight-body-hugging t-shirts, my three quarter shorts, my see-through tops, the few dresses that I have and my favourite short black dress. I stared at them for a while before putting them all in one big paper bag. Reality have sunk in, looking from a physical point of view, I just made my life a bit more complicated. Reasons being, I will not be able to go out of the house freely with my boxers and t-shirts to just go to the nearest shop, I will not be able to go out with my see-through tops and shorts and no more putting on short dresses to go out on a Friday night with my cousins to just have fun or to even go on Facetime requires a bit of thinking lately. Should I put on my tudung? When obviously the other party knows how my hair looks like. (Yea, just in case you're reading this. Haha. So have fun staring at the wall. Hehe) To just decide whether I want to go to the beach was also a difficult decision to be made.  I wonder what are the limited perimeters that I am compounded to? Simple questions, made difficult. I had to think about all of these questions because they are important to me. I am still not in the position where I feel like if there's a boy, then I should cover my head. Instead, it feels like 'Hey, I am going out of the house, I should cover my head, just because it feels right to do so'. Perhaps, the feelings will grow on me slowly or more like, the tudung will grow with me. It's quite complicated...

BUT

If there is any stand that I hold on to, in order to make all these seem easy, it would be this,

"If you take one step closer to Allah, He will take 10 steps towards you"

Because it is true. 

When people asked me why I made such decision, I gave them the easiest answer. “My father gave me the cue already” Truth be told, my father had given me the cue a long time ago but of course, I took it lightly. I was not ready physically and mentally. My mother was not very supportive of my father’s decision because she did not want me to do it out of enforcement from them. It was not because she was condoning my actions and rights, but because she’s afraid it might back fire them and in the end, they’ll be hurt. I promised myself that I will wear it when I am ready. When will I be ready? I will never be ready unless I force myself to be ready. A while ago someone asked me, if a guy that I like asked me to wear it, will I wear it? I said no. It is not because of ego but I will do it for myself on my own terms and of course, because of God, not because of another boy. If he loves me enough, he'll accept me whichever way that I may go.

101 reasons can be listed on why I made this decision but some shall be kept to me. The event that became the starting point of it all was during my flight back to Malaysia, from Korea. I wrote it a while ago in here. Of course, I still remember how the incident happened vividly. When someone asked you what is your religion, it feels like they just slapped you with the biggest brick ever existed in the world but of course, it didn't help much with the fact that I was wearing shorts with a hoodie and I had to recite Al-Fatihah to him, just to prove to him that I am a Muslim. In the first place, I did not need to prove to him that I am a Muslim but having to explain to him that I was one was embarrassing and it showed ignorance from my end. It made me think hard, it made me think deep. At least, that was how I felt at that time. Probably it was the way that I carry myself as well. I don't want to be the person that seeks for Him, only when I am in trouble and forget about Him, when I am free and happy. Plus, the five funerals that I went to, in six months left a big impact in my mind. Life is short. Life is short. Life is short.    

For every time I am in a dilemma on how to face a situation on what to wear and such, somehow there will always be a solution to it at the nick of time. Life is actually really simple, if you don't complicate them. Just because I started wearing tudung, does not mean I just started praying and just because I started wearing tudung, I will start preaching like I know everything.  Nope. I am still me, the girl that you will find laughing loudly at the corner while she's eating her roti canai, playing with her phone and gushing about Ashton Kutcher :)

October is here.

October is here. October is here. October is here. October is here. October is here. October is here.  October is here. October is here. October is here. October is here. October is here. October is here.

October is here. October is here. October is here. October is here. October is here. October is here.  October is here. October is here. October is here. October is here. October is here. October is here.

October is here. October is here. October is here. October is here. October is here. October is here.  October is here. October is here. October is here. October is here. October is here. October is here.

So, you get the message ?

The month of October is here.

I owe this blog a post.

A post on 'Why?'.

Just so you know, today is the 6th of October already.

Time is not flying anymore.

Time is somehow disappearing and appearing.

I can barely catch it.

I am not complaining, because probably then, four years will go by in a blink of an eye.

It's October, dude.

Motivation.

One hour is approximately the amount of time needed for me to travel to work in the morning, with bad traffics and toll in between. In those precious 60 minutes, I will apply my lip balm for 13 times, listen to Justin Bieber's song back to back, play with my phone, eat my breakfast, take pictures, curse and of course, look around and think. It does not take much for you to think, as you'll look around your surroundings and there will be other drivers in the next car, yawning and eating. Probably they are late for a meeting, probably they are tired, probably they are eager to go to work, just like you! Maybe. Every reason seems valid.

But the one thing that made me ponder hard is, "What is their motivation to wake up in the morning?" and maybe, you'll ask the same question, "What is my motivation to wake up in the morning, every single day?" It seems impossible for it to be put down in words. I have no idea what is my motivation for me to be waking up in the morning, take a cold shower, put on my clothes and start the engine. For some parents, maybe the objective is clearer, where they would think about providing the best for their children, hence the solid motivation. Bills you need to pay, food to be put on the table and things your child will ask for. For some, working to support the family as they may be the sole breadwinner in the family. For some, working in order to support their dreams. Perhaps to travel the world, buy a new car, saving up for a house, and such. For the motivation to be absolute and concrete, its easier. You can say, I think about my dream house and my eyes are awake but if your motivation is more abstract, then its a whole different concept. 

I wonder what is my motivation for me to even work, when most of my friends are still studying. I reckon I have that competitive side of me, where I don't want to be left out. Life would be so much easier if I can wake up at 10am, take a hot shower and get ready for class at 2pm. I should set some life goals, so that I can easily get up in the morning and go to work with a smile. Actually, now that I am going into my 7th day, it's not that bad actually. The auditing and accounting concepts are easier to grasp these days because of the experience that I have, maybe. Friends talk in a common language that everyone understands. A few good looking guys here and there. It's not that bad, I suppose. At the end of the day, work is still work, anywhere. People do not recognize me these days and I'm loving it. 

One thing that I notice is, if I were to put my dreams and goals on this blog, it'll come true. Somehow, it acts like my wishlist and when I see it being put up here, I see it as a promise that I have made to myself and if I were to go against my own promise to myself, then it seems a bit odd now, isn't it? Oh suddenly the pressure is up!! So, here it goes. My first goal has to be realistic isn't it? 

1. Find Ashton Kutcher. Yes, find because he will not just appear if you don't come up with a master plan on how to see him. Find him. 

2. Finish your professional papers. No time limit. Just finish them. Looking at the situation now, I may take forever!

3. Get married when you reach 26 years old. Or 27 years old. Or 28 years old. Okay seriously for this one. No time limit. HAHAHAHA.

4. Move out and get a place in the middle of the city, not Shah Alam.

5. Don't quit your first job until you think your resume will be attractive enough for you to find another job. 

6. Start paying for your car. I will, I will!

7. Save up for AMERICA! 

8. Find Ashton Kutcher!  

9. Start running, or more like, go for a jog if you get to reach home when the sun is still up. 

10. Stop biting your nails, Jasmin Anis. You're turning 23 soon. (Almost there)

11. Mom said I have got to stop being picky when it comes to finding the right one. Seriously??

12. Open your own dessert shop!

13. Buy Taylor Swift's album when it comes out. 

14. Don't skip your weekly class!!!

15. Pakai tudung. Okay dah!  (Easiest thing to decide but hardest thing to execute)

Daily view. 

Life will be exciting again. Soon. 

Work.

Growing up, I have always wanted to work in a big building. I fancy those corporate look. Lifts that go up till 30 storeys high, people with black, grey and white attires going in and out of the building while holding their cups of coffee and numerous files. That was what I had envisioned through out my life. Fair enough, I got what I wanted but it is definitely more than that. There are 6 lifts that fly up till nth storeys but the company that I am working for stops at the 15th floor. There's a coffee shop situated there for people to have small discussions, meetings and quick lunches. The files that they carry with them contain valuable information that if those files went missing, their life would turn upside down. 

I am only going into my 5th day of my career life as of tomorrow but since I did my internship here, I know how things go down here. It is so weird that I am back here again because I don't recall being happy during my 6 months internship. I felt small, I felt intimidated and I felt stupid but because of those reasons, I made up my mind to apply back here with hopes, I can be better, improve my knowledge and not feel small, intimidated and stupid, again. I went in again, with flashbacks of not-so-fond-memories. 

I have no idea how long will I survive this time around, but I am extremely curious. The ones that are crazy, funny and want a normal life have left the company. I think I belong to those group but people around me have been telling me that once I get passed by the 3 years, I can quit and get my life back but come to think of it, 3 years is a long time. Hmmm. I'll take it as a challenge. So my daily challenge now is to wake up at 6 in the morning and be at the big fancy office by 8.30pm. Alright, challenge accepted...

5 letter word.

"Apologizing does not always mean you are wrong. It just means that you value your relationships more than your ego."

I do value the friendship because we've been through a lot, truly but as far as I am concerned, you don't.

Independent.

The last day of August and of course, its our 55th Independence Day. Happy Birthday, Malaysia! And if only you knew how much I love you and how much I am thankful that I am born in this country and not elsewhere. I'll be lying if I don't dream of being born in the States and to live there but for most of the part, I appreciate Malaysia very much. 

Our way to show our love for the nation :P

So, September shall make its way into the year of 2012 very soon. Oh, I am worried, more than I am happy about it. I've been dreading the month, I've been counting the days and I've been procrastinating every single thing. There's always a first in everything that you do, yes. Frankly, I am scared but I chose to do this and I will commit to it. The other day, my cousins and I were on our way to see a movie and in the car, one of them asked me when will I start work and I answered with a long sigh and I said "18th of September, insyaAllah" and then she goes "Why do people want to be an accountant/auditor and how do they get motivated to wake up in the morning and go to work?" Oh my lord... I went blank for a while. 

Or more like, I went blank till now. Why? I don't know. Sometimes, you don't get to do what you truly like. It's just a place for you to start and from then on, perhaps you can move to other lines and be what you really want. I want to open a nice dessert shop but I don't have the capital and expertise now. Maybe, after a while, perhaps I can start saving and learn more about business in depth then only I can do what I truly like.

And sometimes, you do something because you're good at it. Not necessarily you have to really like it but if you can do well in it, then why not? To add to that, money is the key factor in this. Of course, of course. Ah, September. You are really something. You will be the turning point. 

Selamat Hari Raya people! 

Powerful mind.

It's been a while since I last encountered with 'signs'. I don't even remember when was the last time but usually, you will just appear at every whisper of my heart. Oh so geli but so true. Its Ramadhan and I dare not ask for silly things because I am aware of the power of the month. You pray for something nice, God will grant you 'it' at the very moment but today, you came across my mind and I pondered where were you. It was just a normal question because I think we are at the same place, geographically. A few hours later, your car passed by mine. I took it as an indication that you're here. Yes you are. Maybe I am reading too much into this, maybe but you didn't appear when I didn't ask for it. You only appear when I do. Rephrasing that, you always appear in front of me when you're on my mind. Get it?

The little things in life.

And so I passed my first ever professional paper, alhamdulillah. It felt good, knowing that all your efforts and prayers paid off. If I had failed, I know who to blame. (The one and only, yours truly who went out most of the nights, when she should be staying at home and study) And of course, if I failed it must have been because I was not ethical enough because it was a Corporate Governance paper. Lol! This time around, I passed because I studied hard, prayed hard and of course, with the extra touch of my parents' blessings. I am one who believes deeply in these kind of things because when you've been through it, you will feel its presence. This is sort off the part two of my previous post. 

As I grow older, I'm starting to realise the importance of having a good relationship with my parents, especially my mother. My days would suck if we're on bad terms. My days would feel empty without her calls. Basically, I try my best to please her on a daily basis but all of these have been learned in a few years time, especially ever since I've been living on my own. At the end of the day, your life would be blissful if your parents are happy, not your friends, not your siblings and most importantly, not your boyfriend. I come back at my mother's command. Sometimes, I get a phone call from my mother asking me to come back on the same day. Mind you, Alor Star is far and it gets tiring sometimes but... when your mother asks you to come back, she means it. As a matter of fact, I sort of plan my daily schedule at my mother's command. For example, entertain my grandmother, go visit my uncle, go back to Ampang, buy her curtains, and sometimes, go see her customer. 

To cut my long story short, during the one month study break, my mother wanted to bring my grandmother back to Alor Star knowing that I would be at home studying. Frankly, I cringed a bit when I found out about it. For me to be taking care of my grandmother when I am free and doing nothing would be more than fine but to take care of her during my study week would be quite a challenge. I did complain to a friend but she sort of said "Come on, takpe, buat je bagi dapat berkat" I took a really deep breath and I did. My priority changed during that time. Studying comes second and I would only do it if I had the time and energy. Pffttt! Excuses after excuses. Basically, all I did for the first two weeks was entertaining my grandmother who loves to go out for breakfast, lunch, tea and dinner. Sometimes, it would just be the two of us going out for breakfast and lunch. Sometimes, Mom would give me time to study and took my grandmother out for tea. Any ways that would fit our timetable. Somehow, it worked. My grandmother can be quite funny sometimes. She would pat the pillows a few times and say "Tido jom, asyik belajar je nak" HAHA I barely touched the books when she was around but when I do, she'd day "Mintak lulus la nak ye, rajin sangat" Hahahahaha funny but that's a doa right there and it came true.

Later, I went back to Shah Alam with a worried heart and empty mind. I had to start from scratch but I had two weeks to study. I was more than thankful for those two weeks. Probably one would say 'Alah, jaga maktok je kot, semua orang jaga kot' but I hardly do so, thus it is not an ordinary act for me. I would say the timing was right. I've heard a saying "If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it" Fair enough, it is true. My mother was more than happy for that two weeks, to be having her mother around with us. I made her happy that two weeks. In return, I received more than what I bargained for. Probably one would say 'Oh come on, orang lain relax je pass tak kecoh pon' Hahaha okay, mohon faham ni blog sapa. Kahkahkah. Annoying kann.

I am not trying to say that I passed because I took care of my grandmother but it goes beyond that. Of course, those daily visits to the library, helpful friends and seniors made it possible but I really think that it was my parents' blessings that added the extra few points in the exams. At the end of the day, we only have one mother and one father. It took me a while to comprehend that fact. Appreciate them while they are still around and your life will work itself out, miraculously. I love my parents too much ;') for everything. Its the little things in life that counts and sometimes, you can't see it but you can definitely feel it.

This feels like a thank you speech, in a way. Haha. Its more than that. I see it as a reflection ;) For me to improve and refine. 

The 11th day of Ramadhan.

Last year, this time of the year was my favourite time but somehow, it feels different this year. Probably because I am not trying hard enough to be a good servant or maybe because I've been spending too much time hanging out, or more like making up for the lost times I might incur in the future, really near future. Every night before I go to sleep, I question my decision of opting to work this September. No point of me pondering upon the same question over and over again, knowing that I will never be ready for it. Heart feels all over the place, as it wishes to be at home during this blessed month. Not to mention, screwed up sleeping pattern and weird food cravings lately. I take it as a challenge, I should be thankful. Thankful with everything that I have and to sincerely mean it and understand the concept of being thankful. It's more than just saying it, it is something that you will have to fully comprehend.

Going into this particular week, I stepped in with the wrong foot and a wrong turn. I promised a bunch of friends that I'd break fast with them when I should have spent my time with my grandmother. Soon after I left the house, my heart felt reluctant to drive forward but remembering how excited my friends are, I slowly marched on. If I was a good granddaughter, I would have taken a u-turn and at this point of time, I wished I did. I am not complaining nor am I trying to portray a bad image of myself but my grandmother can be a very difficult woman but coming from the same genes, probably I'll be the same when I turn her age, with God's willing. Who knows.. So, my week proceeded as usual with little mishaps happening here and there. It has not been a good week. Here I am, typing something that I regretted which could have been avoided if I were not that stubborn. 

Learning about yourself can be the hardest thing especially when you're learning it from your mistakes. No, I am not being a goody two shoes or something but if there's anything that I believe in during my almost 23 years of living on Earth is that, if you do things with the blessings from your parents, especially your mother, the things that you do gets easier. If there's anything that can make you happy, is when your mother is happy and the way to make your mother happy is if her mother is happy. It's a chain of reaction. There are 7 days in a week and I try to keep that in mind. If I had a bad day, I try to cheer myself up by reminding myself that there are better days ahead. True but the guilt that you carry from previous days doesn't vanish just like that. 

11 days into Ramadhan, I still have 19 days to make up for it. Please the elder ones, may also indirectly please myself. I hate blurting out my regrets, especially when it all boils down to one wrong deed. To avoid this ordeal to occur again in the near future, I should write it down and paste it everywhere. "Remember the golden rule; Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" In other words, I'll get old one day and of course, I want my children and grandchildren to take care of me. But of course, to put aside my grumpy and impatient attitude now would be the ultimate challenge. That's what Ramadhan is for, for you to improve yourself. I think so. 

I hope it's not too late to wish Selamat Berpuasa and have a blessed Ramadhan :)

#Z

Here we go, after 7 months of prolonging this agenda I'm finally at the last alphabet but of course, I skipped one, just because. Last night, the name Zayn Malik came to mind and I thought, 'Hey this boy is too good looking, God created his face so perfectly that I think he deserves a post' but then I spelled his name wrongly, Zayn Malek and then within minutes, I got slammed by the Directioners. Kahkahkah! But seriously, he is so handsome, too handsome with his chiseled jaw, symmetrically shaven sideburns, black thick nice eyebrows, oh I can go on and on but the thing is, he is too good looking, that he dares not look into his fan's eyes knowing that they will melt upon seeing him. Urm, very considerate. One girl fainted when he touched her hand at a meet and greet session in the States. Seriosusly, go youtube it. (Zayn Malik girl faint) Crazy, but probably I'll faint too if Ashton Kutcher touches my hand, or maybe I'll faint right at 'Hi'. 

Who wouldn't faint when this guy touches you? Hahaha and this is not even a good picture of him and yet, he looks so good. Haih. But I'll drop dead if I see this one. 

                                                                             Hi ;')

Now, this post is actually about something else lah. #Z is about zoo. A place that I bet everyone has been to but I have not. Evidently, it is because of my lack of interest towards animals but now that I am older, I do feel like I missed out a bit during my childhood. If I were to list out to the animal places that I have been, its quite acceptable. I've been to the mini zoo in Melaka where it has crocodile and some other reptiles. I've seen Orang Utan when I was in Kuching. I've been to Sea World in Houston. If I were to accumulate my experience, probably I've (almost) been to a zoo and not to forget, my house with 8 cats at all times but I have not been to a proper zoo. 

My friends promised me that they'll take me there one day but do I really want to go there? Hahaha or am I just going there for the sake of 'Yes, I've been there, done that!' Urm, actually. Yes. One day, I have to go to the zoo and I hope it won't be until the day where I'll be taking my own kids to the zoo and they'll ask me, "Mama tu binatang apa?" "Taktau la sayang, Mama pon first time datang sini" LOL! Noooooooob! 

                      That's me trying to kiss a fish. No fish came near me. Mission aborted. Haha. 

Lately, I've been going to the local attractions in KL. Probably because I know I can't go abroad for a long time, anymore, might as well make use of what is here. Hihihi. Since my exam was done by the 20th of June, I was free like a bird after that. So, I googled 'Things to do in KL' and a few suggestions came out. For instance, one should visit : 

1. The Petrosains.

Checked.

 2. I-city in Shah Alam. 

Checked.

3. Istana Negara (The old one)

Checked.
(The Istana is open to public now and it's free. Do pay them a visit and you'll see why Malaysia needs a new Istana ;P )

4. Menara KL 

Half-checked.
(We actually went to Menara KL but the price to go up the tower was quite pricey , RM 60 bucks with the 3D rides or something. We were not prepared for it! So, we ditched the tower, took a picture with a pony and went to Sungai Wang instead hehe!)

5. Dataran Merdeka 

Half-checked
(I didn't go down and run freely at the Dataran itself,  we just passed by)

6. Putrajaya, of course. 

Checked.

7. Broga Hills.

Checked.
(First and last eh haha penat gile)

8. Bagan Lalang - Checked.

9. Cyberjaya -Checked

10. Playing Baseball in One Utama -Checked.

11. Bukit Cerakah in Shah Alam - Checked.

12. Pusat Sains Negara at Bukit Kiara - Checked. 

13. KLPac- Checked.

14. Sunway Lagoon - Checked.

Well, that's all that I can remember now. I'd love to go visit :

1. Batu Caves.

2. Muzium Negara.

3. ZOO NEGARA. 

4. Central Market.

5. Setia Alam City Mall (Lame, I know haha ) but they said it looks like Westfield. I looove Westfield.

6. Lake Garden.

That's all for now? I bet you guys are questioning why am I doing this? You know why? I've got all the free time in the world now. I'm free 6 days a week and my class is on a Sunday. Wasalam!

Turning 23 years old soon and my mother still buys me pyjama pants, I should be thankful aren't I? Normally, I would have picked a more serious design and my sister gets a funky ones, to match our personalities (puke rainbows) but this time around, I decided that we should get the same pattern but of course, different sizes. Huh! One of the things in life that are planned, but what about those that happen coincidentally? Are there such things? Of course there are but how far can we see one thing, event, moment or thought as a coincidence and not a sign? Too much coincidences have made me a very confused and puzzled kid. Too much interpretations of it made me seemed like a girl who lives in her own self-made fantasy. Live moderately with an average amount of fantasies and dreams, I have tried and frankly, its a bit boh oh ring but its doable. But sometimes, just sometimes, when those coincidences or in other words, something that you did not plan to happen, happened right in front of your bare eyes, you can't help it but to take it as a sign from the universe. If only I have the courage to use real life examples here, I don't. So right now, in this limited amount of cyber space given, I shall just leave an abstract thought, for the concrete ones need to gather its courage for it to have its own post. InsyaAllah, some day. Salam Nisfu Syaaban ;)

#Y

One of those nights where I feel the need to create a line or two, be it right or wrong. Weather seems so chilly these past two days, the air-con controller can be chucked aside, comforter seems like the best hiding place. Strolling around town with the windows down, one might have thought we're in London for a second, especially when the car passed by the mini I-City in front of Masjid Zahir. Life seems so easy in Alor Setar but literally, it is easy. 

Growing up, I have always had both my parents at home, all the time. Since both of my parents are academicians, its rare for them to be working at night. So basically, they are at home by 4pm. During my primary years, my siblings and I took the bus to go to school and when we entered into our secondary schools, my mother will send us to school and my father will pick us up, occasionally but mostly, my mother will pick us up. In the evening, we will be sent for our Quran classes, every single day and at night, time will be spent at the tuition centers. In between, we will go for swimming lessons, movies, hang outs and more. 

It was not easy but it is sufficient for my growing up needs. From what I remembered, I had great memories because my parents were always around to teach me how to read when I was 4 years old, to wash my plates when I was 5 years old, to sweep the floor when I was 6 years old, to take care of my little sister when I was 7 years old, to lock the house when I was 8 years old, to start praying properly when I was 9 years old, to start fasting when I was 10 years old, to play badminton when I was 11 years old, to study hard when I was 12 years old, to behave when I was 13 years old, to not follow the wrong set of friends when I was 14 years old, to not get attached to a boy when I was 15 years old, to not go against your own parents when I was 16 years old and to choose the right path for my career at 17 years old. 

Those are some of the things that I can remember vividly. Mom has always asked me to be careful when it comes to mingling with boys, extra reminder to not be attached to a guy at a very young age and every time I am close to a guy, those words will come banging in my head. Yes Mom. I wish my parents would have told me the significance of praying daily, rather than asking us to do so and punishing us with a belt when we did not because to understand something and to do it seems more reasonable rather than to do it without knowing why. Its those little things that get stuck in your head, for a longer time. Of course, now we all know why.

A normal conversation between my friends and I will always stumble upon whether do we want to settle in Kedah for good when the right time comes? To be honest, I do but with all these visions and missions(WOW!) that I have in life, it seems unfair for me to discount them when I make those decisions. At the end of the day, it is my life but I want to be able to be there for my future kids later, just how my parents have always been there for me through thick and thin, throughout my stupidest decisions and the wise ones. 

Conclusion of this post is... Haha.. I wish I could just stay here because life is simple here but there's nothing much to be offered here other than the food is much more cheaper here, houses are of course, cheaper, but at the end of the day, it is your life, your say. Pretty much, you have to choose the life that will make you happy or at least, not miserable. If you're happy single, so be it. If you're happy being a workaholic, then be it. If you're happy going out with a married guy, so be it. If you're happy with 10 kids, so be it. If you're happy riding a motorcycle, then be it. 

It's 1.25am, I am still deciding whether I should perform that endoscopy procedure or not. Honestly, life here feels right. 

#X

I cringe a little when the letter X is next in line and I ponder why did I start this alphabet posts because it is so hard to come up with a suitable word that starts with X. Haha but not to worry, I managed to recall a conversation that I had with my friends while we had a mini durian feast at Liyana's house. I like the tiny ones with thin layer of durians in it. My favourite! Anyway, while we were eating the magical fruit and burping its wonderful smell, someone mentioned about the 'X-Factor' game, which was a phenomenon 10 years ago. Or has it been more than 10 years of less? At one point, I was glued to the television because the show is somehow addictive. If one person can make it through one physical activity, then a high threshold has been set. Everyone else should be able to do it too because it seems feasible. 

It is only normal that when you're watching the game, you immerse yourself into the game, fantasically.  If that was you in that position, would you have done it? Let's say the challenge is to walk on a rope across 2 building that is 30 floors up, would you? I would not. I could not. I fear of heights. There was this one time when we all went to Genting Highland and I found myself curious about the long queue for Solero Shots, so I joined the crowd. Little did I know that this ride was one that challenges the gravity as it shoots you up in the sky. In those naive moments, I had no idea what it was and the clever little me picked the wrong seat. I placed my self on a seat where I can see the whole of Genting and some parts of KL. Defying the gravity, I should have never done that. If its not cool to be afraid of the heights, then so be it. I don't want to be cool. Haha

Hence, every single time that I watch the show most of the words that are played in my mind would be "Nope, I don't think I can do that" but that's the thing, I have not tried them. So, how do I know that I will not be able to actually do it? If I can survive Solero Shot, sure I can get passed anything right? And the other day, I had an intense conversation with a friend about her job offer, in Singapore. The dialogue started with a question asking me "Would I accept the offer if I were given the opportunity?" Part of me said no and the other half would have said yes. In those moments, I realized that I didn't apply for such things because I did not want to be put through such situations where I will be torn. I didn't apply to go abroad because I didn't want to have any options. I thought by being specific with what you want in life would be easier but gosh, I don't know what I want in life. 

All I know is I want to be the right path where life would be be bearable and not all miserable. At some point in life I thought about the chances I didn't take more that the ones that I have taken. If I had taken that path, how will life turn about? And because of the path that I have taken, it led me here. After seating for my first ACCA paper, I think I did the right choice by wanting to work because if I were to fail my paper (InsyaAllah I wil not) perhaps I can start picking up on the experience. Well, that is one way to look at it. If I didn't do it, then I will always wonder whether will I be able to work and study at the same time? Its not that I want to do it but sure I am curious a bit. 

Long essay I have written here, I need to let it out. Haha. Oh, X-Factor. When I like someone I will always think about why do I like him or have a crush on him? Then the same thing will appear, its the thick eyebrows. Haha is that one of the x-factor? But when you like someone for no reason, thin eyebrows also can :P

#W

There are days that you do not feel like talking, and there are days that you feel like you can talk nonstop, even when the time stops, you can still talk.

There are days where you feel so low, you might think that you have hit rock bottom, and there are days that you feel so high, its either you have had too much of caffeine or some puffs of weeds.

There are days when you know you miss that someone so badly, you feel like walking to their house and just hug them, and there are days when you feel like "I don't know you, why should we see each other?"

There are days where you do not even know what is the purpose of you living on this holy Earth, and there are days where you see the people that you love around you and you found the purpose of it.

There are days where everything gets so blurry, you might have thought that your vision is badly impaired, and there are days where everything is so clear, it is crystal clear.

There are days that you just feel angry, you start to blame the cat for its existence, and there are days where you just feel happy and excited like you have just been asked for your hand in marriage.

There are days where you just want to curl in your bed all day and night long, not move an inch, and there are days where you just want to go out and move forward.

There are days when you just miss a random place that you have been before, secretly wishing that you are transported to that place, and there are days when you are just thankful with the place that you are living in at the time.

There are days ( a lot of these days ) when you feel so lazy, you can barely touch any books because you just do not feel like doing so and there are days ( less of it ) when you feel like "Okay, 10 chapters at one go, TODAY" ( Never )

To be that motivated might never be the case for me but this time around, I have got to stop fooling around. Of course I want to pass my paper but at this point, the want changes into the need. So, let me rephrase the sentence. I need to pass my paper.  For it to be underlined, bold and italicized, I hope the message is rather clear.

I am trying to find a few days where, my WILLPOWER overrides my laziness and with God's willing, I shall pass the paper.

And today, I think I did :)

#V

I am so careless, I deserve a tight slap on my face. Haha no, seriously. This past week, I have been signing documents and agreements without reading it first. So much for being a student studying professional courses. Pfttt! Read Jasmin Anis. Read what is on the paper. Do not just read things in between the line. Read what is clearly infront of you. Read to enhance your knowledge. Read to understand the gist of it. Read in order to understand the mechanism of something. Read, just because. Okay, I get it. Just read then. I always go through such thing, then to make my self feel better, I will create a story behind it. In this case of my own nightmare, I am trying to conclude that perhaps God wants me to find other jobs with a work life balanced. Ha ha ha. See, how I twist my own mind to make it seem like itS is okay. Sick, I am. Careless, very. I am in a very vulnerable state. Tskkkk. Not. Just a bit cuckoo.

No title.

"To fight against what I'm feeling, that's tolerable but to fight against what is written, that's impossible."


I go weak every single time I see this quote. My heart explodes. My mind goes blank. Present tense, because it happens a lot. My feelings for you; they fluctuate. 

#U

My heart aches a bit as I am typing this, as the alphabet U makes it appearance at a very special time. U stands for university, the place where I learned a lot about myself, the place where I ventured into things that I never knew I could and basically, the place where I discovered I could do wonders with the ability and capability that I had within me. As of 30th of June, it marks the fifth year that I'll be in Shah Alam. My mother and my brother sent me off at Kolej Mawar, during the orientation week, as I was about to embark on a new journey. Cewah! But true enough, it really was an adventure. 

After 5 years, I learned that I like accounting. The word like is being emphasized here, because I like accounting. I can do it quite well, if I work hard for it but I don't love it. It is not my passion but fair enough, I like it. It has come to my realization that I can never do engineering, never in a million years. To be a lawyer seems alright, until it hits me that I have to be good with my presentation skills. I can talk, but not facts, but crap. To venture into architecture would be out of the question because I can hardly draw a box. So, you get the whole picture. After minimizing the options, accounting seems.. just.. I guess.. But I like it..

After 5 years, I learned a thing or two about friendship, in terms of being one, or just how to look out for one. To be a friend is all about reciprocating and sometimes, it is just about being there. At certain level, the amount that is given and taken, must be equal but it doesn't hurt if you give more. You may never know when you will get the extra perks of going the extra mile for a friend. 

After 5 years, I learned the habits that tick me off easily and the little things that can make me happy. As weird as it sounds, I have to hold the broom every day. I am not making this up, to show to the world that I am the housewife material or such but a few housemates can provide you with testimonials. Haha. It ticks me off that the things that can make me happy is actually when the floor is swept. Ironic. A day is complete when the I've finally made some kind of communication with the broom. On certain special days, the mop makes it special appearance. I have to say, this is the way that my mother has nurtured me and trust me, my future daughter will be going through the same thing :) 

After 5 years, I grew up and it hits me that I am no longer the 18 year old kid, who is still naive about the surroundings, thinking that the world will welcome you with a red carpet outside the gate, with your prince charming holding a bouquet of flowers during your graduation. Scratch the dreams, life is what you make out of it. My convocation is on Sunday and I just received my offer letter to start off my first job. Scary, yes it is. I didn't expect time to pass by this fast but it did. To prove that I have grown up this past 5 years, I will embrace the next chapter of my life with lots of prayers, commitment and a smile. I know what I am getting myself into, I have seen it and yet I agreed to do it. 

After 5 years, I am still the same girl holding the same values, with the same kind of wild thoughts. This blog has seen it all. My university life may not be as interesting or exciting as others but I guess it is sufficient enough for me to look back and say 'I'm glad I took this road'. Friends I made along the way are the friends that always brings out the best in me, places I have been along the way are the ones that I have always wanted to go and the memories that are created are great enough for me to remember forever. And... after 5 years, I can say that I am extremely, passionately and super loyal. HAHAHA. 

After 5 years... Great.... I feel like I just locked myself in a jail cell.....
Good luck in all your future undertakings, Jasmin Anis.
Here's to a few steps before the real world eats you up!

#T

There was this one point in time, where I was certain with what I want. Pushing aside my needs, I focused more on what I want. There was this one point if life, when everything is so clear and vivid, it feels like I could touch it with my own bare hands, but dreams remain to be only dreams if you don't convert it into reality. There's this one phrase that I can't quite comprehend, 'We are seperated for the reason of God' or something like that. I truly don't freaking understand this. Anyone care to explain? There was this one time, where I've truly forgotten what it feels like, and yesterday someone and some event made that feelings rushed back and all I could utter quietly was ' Oh, I forgot how it feels like and I'm not quite sure if its a good thing' Vague, is not even the word for it. More like vanished. I've always thought that it is me who will be holding the trophy at the finishing line but looking at it now, I hope I'll be able to even make it to even make it to the finishing line. This is a straight approach that I'm taking here. No turna or no breaks in between.

#T

They say, time will heal everything. I surrender, I have no idea what this phrase means. Its there, quite clear but what does it mean? If time stops, we will still  move forward isn't it? Or maybe if the time stops, the world will end? Such a simple phrase, with its deepest meaning. I don't understand because it's been 5 years and my heart is still at it. Time moves forward, my feelings are as stagnant as ever. Perhaps I am just being stubborn. Maybe.

Time, is something that I wish we can get a hold on. 24 hours a days seems like such a long time, when you're doing nothing but it seems like the shortest amount of time when you've got a lot on your plate. There are moments in life, where you wish you could travel back in time, to change one simple thing, or two, maybe. Of course, but its the decisions, mistakes and choices that you have made in the past that defines who you are now. 

Sometimes, when you have too much free time, your life becomes unproductive. I'm the living proof of it. I became obsessed with....sweeping and mopping.. As much as it sounds legit, its a waste if time. You know why, because I've got too much time. How many times can you sweep and mop in a day? Pfttt! This Thursday, I've got an interview and the funniest thing happened when I got the phone call. It is our exam week now and since we are only sitting for one paper, the rest of the week is counted as a holiday for us. So, I decided to go back to Alorstar, as usual :) I arrived at 4.30 in the morning and being the normal human being that I am, I slept in till 10 in the morning. A phone call by this company woke me up and I answered with a fake fresh voice, I had to. Hehe. Then, I sounded too confused, I guess that the HR person said, 'Wake up, Jasmin' Ooooh, snap. I just got caught. Timing people, timing. Haha. 

Haih, the time was 10 in the morning, I bet the person that called me thinks I am doing nothing at home, been waking up after 11am since I graduated. I don't know whether I am ready for it or not, but if I don't start now, then when should I start? TIME WILL TELL. Heeee :D

PS : I just told my mom that I want to get married in Alor Star, not in Bangi. Mom said I've got 2 years to go. Must. Find. A. Husband. Now. Now. Now. I am short of TIME. Hahaha!

When you have all the free time in the world.......

And oh, welcome May.

#S

Got ambushed when I reached home, got attacked with disturbing words. 

After all the efforts that I've put in, trying to adjust to this new surroundings, 

I think my limit has been exceeded. 

Its so weird that when you think that you've reached an age of maturity, 

your environment acts like they are 16 years old.

This is not a place for me to start dissing anyone,

but this is a heartfelt post, where I feel like my voice will be heard here.

It felt like I was being invaded, I had no choice.

Every step I take is being watched, I can hardly breathe. 

So, I prefer to stay silent because if I ever let it out, I'm afraid my words might be hurtful

and maybe, my act afterward may never be able to compensate it. 

#R

Random, most of the time, we all are.
Random, most of the time, we go to places we have never been before.
Random, most of the time, we wonder about what could have been.
Random, most of the time, we question if we've given enough for us to receive that much?
Random, most of the time, we forget where we came from.

This is random, heck it is.

Randomly, it hit me.
What if I had taken the extra mile, to just go a little further, in achieving what I want?
Anything random in particular.
Just anything, perhaps something so significant, so important to me at that particular moment.
What if I had swallowed my pride & ego to just tell you the truth on that particular night?
After all, no one choked from eating up their own ego.
What if I had just studied more and try my best to increase my CGPA during my Degree?
After all, no one died from studying too much.
What if I had stopped eating pancakes and nutella so much when I was in Form 2?
Perhaps, I'll be much smaller now.

You know what, after what I just wrote it is quite obvious what is important to me.
Someone said, just by reading someone else's blog, you can interpret that person
and the same someone said, I am someone who needs to be read in between the line.
I guess so.

As you grow older, the little things that used to be trivial mean the most.
Things that cannot be explained in words but as you mature with time,
a person tend to be more observant and meticulous.

You know why I am being melodramatic today?
I visited a friend who just delivered a cute baby yesterday.
It is such a warm feeling for someone to be calling you a mom isn't it?
And the friend that is watching, which is me and the other 16 or 17 of us, can't help it but feel a tad too old.

And, I went to Petrosains for the first time, ever.
It was one hell of a RANDOM trip!
KLCC can be called my fourth home, after Alor Star, Ampang and Shah Alam
and yet, I was too ignorant to enter into the magical space of science.
Having a set of wacko and on the go friends helped :)
See, I felt like I skipped a bit of my childhood and at 23 years old, I had to find a way to recover it.
Thank God I did, and not when I have reached 43 years old or more. Hehe

Random much?
I am trying to bite my nails now and other than that, I, hereby, promise to go the extra mile in everything that I do. I am done, wishing, thinking and hopelessly playing those stupid imaginary conversation in my head about anything. Anything.

While the Sultan was being installed as the 14th Yang Dipertuan Agong of Malaysia,
we learned about science :)


Credit to Qaila, for the picture taken.

#Q

It should have been an exciting day, as it was a day filled with events with family and friends. From the moment I opened my eyes, I had friends to wake me up. Mind you, I am not one of those girls who wake up with the brightest smile on her face, I am one of those girls who need time to warm up in the morning but still, on that one particular day, the sun was shining a bit brighter and I had interesting things to wake up to. If I were to put things in sequence, the first person to cheer me up was perhaps, my classmates/coursemates/housemates because we sang to Demi Lovato's song in the car, pretending that we were in the karaoke box. It was just like any other car ride to class, but somehow "Give Your Heart A Break" seems like a good anthem these days. Secondly, Hilary Duff finally uploaded Luca's pictures after 14 days of torture. He looks like her. A boy version of Hilary Duff. Thirdly, my group which consisted of three people, managed to escape from presenting on that particular day. As much as I'd like to get it over and done with, I still wasn't in the mood to present as it was quite awkward to be presenting in class, after so long. Fourthly, I had a good 2 hour nap after class.  A nap that can be categorized as a power nap. Hmmm. 2 hours, it should have been powerful isn't it? Later, I had lunch. A short lunch with someone that should have been the person that could make or break my day. Surprisingly, I still was not excited after that. I came back home, opened my laptop and started applying for jobs. Why did I fill up for jobs application? It was because I'd rather do that, than starting to flip the books in front of me. I was looking for excuses, reason to not touch those black and white pages. Next, I finally started to browse through the pages and I found strength to look into the Agency relationship between the principal and the agent. Funny how I've been studying this topic since last year but every single time that I read it, I'd still get confused. Weird. Then, it was dinner time with the cousins. When it comes to dinner with family, I've embedded my brains with little mental notes. For example, dinner will always start late, no matter how early everyone has promised to be there. Minor factors, like TRAFFIC and KABUTNESS of everyone should have been included while planning. Nonetheless, dinner with the cousins will always be entertaining and anything swallowed, will make my tummy smile :) And then, we had a coffee session and I went back home. 

This day should have been an exciting day, because just by looking at the 'itinerary' of my day, I am exhausted but I was not. Thankful for the day, I really am but somehow, the day went by so quietly, I was still looking for some kind of sparks, because I spent time with the most important people in my life on this specific day but somehow, something did not click. It feels like it was one of those days where it feels really empty and quiet. I was bored, even just by looking at you. It was weird. Yes, perhaps, it really was one of those quiet days. 

#P

Stumbled upon a nice quote today, it says " PATIENCE is not about how long one can wait, but how well one behaves while waiting". A short sentence yet, it serves several meanings. Under certain circumstances, this quote fits me well right now. To ever have that faith that things will turn out well, one has to have the utmost faith in whatever he does. Being patient is something that we hope to have as one of our main characteristics but when times get tough, some will just act out of anger and forget the meaning of being patient. 

My father is an example of a very patient man and I'd like to think that I am just as patient as he is :P Sometimes, even the simplest task, such as waiting for us by the school porch can be a difficult task if one does not have the patience to do so but my father will wait for us outside the school porch, even if we are late by one hour. He waits patiently, knowing that we're still in our extra classes. Sometimes, he will just read the newspaper and sometimes, he just listens to the radio. As we enter the car, he will not get angry, at all. I will just say "Sorry Pa, lambat" and he says "Okay" and life moves on as usual. In contrast, my mother will be angry and says "I am not picking you up tomorrow, your father will do so! " Hahaha. How a marriage works, I guess. The power of Ying and Yang. 

If there's anything that I'd like to have in this world, it would be to have passion and to be patient but come to think of it, if you're passionate in something that you do, you would not mind in being patient and to wait for the best results of it. You will be patient even if you are running in circles, going around nowhere while doing what you love to do. You will not get bored watching something that you adore, something that you wish to acquire, be it a skill, a qualification, a trophy, a car or perhaps, someone? :P 

Right now, what bothers me the most is that my expectation of being 23 years old doesn't seem to match with where I am right now. In your mind, you've created this path for your career, for your life and a wrong turning alters everything. This is what I mean by being patient and hoping that life will take you to a better road, with a greater ending. I'd always thought that by now, I'd have everything figure out, or at least, I've got one thing figured out. I have not figured anything out. I haven't. I haven't.