pics.

still figuring it out.

hey,

i just got back from port dickson, where we had our family gathering. it was so much FUN. the place is so cool and exciting. it is called Eagle Ranch. it is a real ranch , minus the part where we're not in Texas, usa. haha. but time was a bit limited bcoz we stayed there for only one night. trying to find 3 days of holidays in a 100 people's calendar would be a bit tight, i guess. our family was divided into 5 teams. RED( my team), yellow, blue, green and black. the yellow team won and we got fourth place. mind you, i have almost 50 cousins and we're close. haha. that's a lot, i know.

so basically, we had our little telematch and stuff. and later on, i played go kart, ATV , cycling but i did not swim as i did not bring my swimming suit. and everything was cheap. xcekik darah la. for most of the rides, it was Rm 20 for 5 laps.

at night, we had bbq for dinner and the theme was hawaian. i think i went out of the way a bit. haha. i had this flower wreath on my head and somehow, it looked like a greek goddess or what. hahah. i really had fun this time around. we slept late that night because we had a some sort of cerita hantu session. as usual. hehe. pastu takot nak g toilet to bukak contact lens and gosok gigi, kncing suma. haha

new year's coming up and we havent set the place or whatever plans that we have for new year. so guys, where are we going?

i am an almost grown up and i shall not play with a teddy bear anymore.

again, i pushed my ego away just to save a friendship and you ignored it. why do i even care about YOU!!! don't worry. i know you've got your back up right. ok. i'll just back off. i can be so stupid at times.

i lost.

2008 has been one heck of a year. i wonder how will 2009 be.

i would like to be in the normal track pls.

i feel sick, i feel like puking, i feel like sleeping, i feel like going on a holiday and i just don't feel like going back to sh alam. next semester's timetable is so packed that i dont think we'll even have time to breathe. i'm not ready to talk about this nor am i ready to think about it. the time table is making me more eager to study somewhere else. hey mr dean, we are students ,not robots. fcuk la.

i am so bored right now and i am trying to kill time. i swept the hse already, havent done the moping yet, perhaps i will watch oth for a bit. i have to run errands for my mom today but there's only one car. i would like to go out for lunch but no one has asked me out today and i dont have the car, again.

thank you UITM for making my day so bright and shiny!

// i want to spend only one more day with you and nothing more. so that i can tell you what's been bugging me and you'll find another way to bug me even more.

if i could buy you time, i would.

don't ask.
it's a bit too complicated.
i don't like edward alone neither do i like bella alone.
it's different when they are together.

other than my current obsession with the fantasy world, i miss my friends already. seriously, i miss them a lot. my relatives are at home , so it's a bit hard for me to go out as usual.

in 8 days time, we will be in our little tiny space in the college. busy unpacking, chit chatting , eating non stop and much more. studying! *phewwww* that's a different story okeyh! i'm really scared about next semester. let me list down the subjects just incase anyone forgot. there are eight (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 ) subjects. four (1, 2, 3 , 4) are accounting subjects regardless whether it is financial or management accounting. there will be 2 english* i am praying real hard we will not get our last semester's lecturer* . one subject on LAW and another one concerning entrepreneurship. just thinking about it, give me shivers and nightmares.

i just wish that my life will find its way back to the simplicity-hood. i wonder when will that be.
oh yes, a few weeks back, i applied as an international student for university of new south wales. it was just out of curiosity and fun. two days ago, i received the whole international student guide. the letter came in with the university's logo and stuff. it's nothing big because, anyone can apply for that thing. the thing is, when that thing came, i think it sort of stunned my dad and my mom. they know i've been wanting it since forever but they did not know i was this serious. i am. BUT, now, thinking about it, i am really scared actually. i can stay if i want to kan. my dad will be really happy. ahaha. if i really wanna go, i have to find my own scholarships. i have to really think this time around.

apart from all of that, he came back actually. *u miss me is it?* hahahaha. i got my magic word for three times. but , i'm not gonna fall for it this time around. i will think it through this time around, for real . i need you to prove it that you are actually worth my time.

//am i anything to u?
//yes of coz.

counting down the days.

i know it's a bit too early for me to be posting this chap's picture but i can't help it because i've gotten Edward Cullen'c curse and i am trying my best to resist it and this is the solution.
haha.
no one can ever replace my ashton kutcher.

i had fun last night. we had a barbecue as to remind us that holidays are about to end and we must go back to our respective colleges and universities and start the sucky life soon.
nana will the first one leaving on the 21st of december and that follows with everyone else.
this means that there will be no more stupid meaningless jokes, no more reckless driving and shouting in the car, no more quarelling with my mom for going out every single day, no more waiting outside anybody's house, no more honking aimlessly. haha.
now that i have realised, i will have to wait for another year, to experience all this.
because, we don't have normal holidays like other people.
that's why i treasure holidays so much...
thank you girls for making this holiday fun , exciting and SO ADVENTUROUS!
haha. that's a bit over the top but you get the picture right.
i will post last night's pictures once i get it.

back to basics.

Alhamdulillah. i got my results and i passed every paper. i wouldn't say i passed with flying colours but at least i made it through. all i wanted was to pass my papers and i got what i wanted and i aint complaining. my mom said i was so kelam kabut . cant help it. if i flunk my papers, she will be the one worrying and all. haha.

many things have i learned after being a student of a university. it is not something that you can pick up from a book store or a library. you have to actually experience it, in order to get the hang of it. here's a list of things that i have actually learned over the past one and a half years.

1. don't mess with the pak guard. haha. they have the power!
2. wear appropriate attire so that you don't attract the wrong attention.
3. if you want something badly, go for it.
4. pile up stocks of nescafes. you will need it, sooner or later.
5. if you see a gorgeous looking guy, just go say hi. chances are ,you will not see him again. hahaha.
6. find friends that are from the same kind but mix around with everyone.
7. go out, go shopping, watch a movie, de-stress yourself even when you are not stress.
8. even when you are 20 years old, or even 55 years old, you will still need your parents.
9. i seriously need to plan my financials properly. haha
10. lastly, if you want good grades, nothing much you can do except for study. those who excel and say that they don't study are liars. we all have been there and done it before. if you study, usually your hard work will pay off and the other way round.

but, all you need to remember is that, life is like a wheel*is it a wheel? or anything bulat la like a ball* sometimes you can be up there, and sometimes, you are at the bottom. the figures are not the only way to measure you. perhaps one did not do well for his or her finals but understands the whole thing perfectly. who knows?

now, i need to figure out how will my 2009 be like. i am so scared thinking about the future.

one more thing before i go off, accounting is hard. don't think it is some kind of a loser's field. just because it is not something in the science stream, doesnt mean it is easy. i would like those saying , to venture into the subject first, then i will allow you to have a say about the actual subject.

just a wild thought.

"numbers are funny. they can measure you, time you, analyze you all they want but they all know what really matters , it's how you play the game. Have you heard the expression they can't measure the heart, well the truth is , they can't measure any of it. Heart, want and need. And you can't measure a dream." nathan scott , season 6 : episode 12.

so come again, why do we live by the measurement of numbers?

and ohh, all of this is killing me and i am not excitedly anticipating any kind of figures right now.

hours away

the cutest little couple!

good day everyone!

it is 2.43pm and i still haven't had lunch. i am very hungry and i feel like eating spicy drummets but we don't have the inventory at home. hahaha. inventory. a very common word that i will see in about 2 weeks time. yucks. one think led to another, the word results popped in my head! i'm asking you guys ,my fellow fast track friends and others. answer me with honesty pls. if dapat 3.00 that's good enough right? if dapat more, alhamdullilah but if tak, we'll try again with more effort.

i don't have any specific plans for today because my mom's back and she doesnt like it that i go out too often. last night, nana caught me doing something fishy. hahaha. that was really funny. sorry nana.

my body is aching today from all the bruises i've been getting.
for instance, 1. i've got a bisul on my right knee and it's very painful.
2. 2 nights ago, i wanted to bite my sister's hand and while she was trying to protect helself from me , she knocked my head with her elbow. haha. skrg ni ade benjol.
3. my constant headache that doesnt wanna go away.
4. i'm hungry and my stomach is hurting.

byk x saket? the worst is the bisul. i cant even pray properly.

uh, i am surprised about how happy i am nowadays after things has settled down. knowing that it is not my fault, i am much much more happier. i should hv thrown away all the negativity long long ago. i've moved on. and for that, i thank you, God.

gdluck everyone for tmoro.

a little of everyting.

i dont feel like talking or writing tonite. i cant stop thinking about the results that will come out in about 2 to 3 days time. i am praying hard that it will be ok. lets pray together ppl.

//i know your little secret already. boohoo. just so you know, say if you wanna keep it a secret, don't publish it all over the net. HAHAHAHAHAHA. i sound so bitchy here but if compared to what you did, i am indeed very innocent. hahahah. so long and gdnite!

17, once.

happy birthday my baby brother, aiman.
baby brother??
he turned seventeen today, 14th of december and we had a little gathering.
my mom was not around so she asked us, me and suphannsa to throw him a little party.
it was short and fun.

yesterday was the day that God gave me a clue.
i prayed really hard and ask Him for a way and i got what i wanted.
i am more than fine.

so anyway, people, lets go out today!

you are the company that you keep.

we can never get away from mcdonalds.

little little things do make wonders.
how just a simple word can soothe your soul
and
how a generous act can fickle your mind.
you get blamed for things that you don't do,
you get blamed for the things that you think is right ,
you get blamed for other people's fault
and
you get blamed when you are trying to do the deed for other people's sake.
i am not willing to jeopardize my willingness just to get a hold of a person's heart.
we stand on our own beliefs and as we grow older we learn more about our self.
you gave me answers to my tricky questions regarding who i am.
and for that, i thank you.

//i want to, more than anything, to move on. i really do.
i am searching for the courage and strength to do so.
where did it go wrong?

"Will you please let me attempt to explain what you mean to me"

it wasnt even a real conversation. just us talking about useless things. we bicker a lot, so i guess we should have foresee this coming and not blame others for it. pardon my jealousy because i did not see any of that coming plus it was more of a betrayal. kawan makan kawan. i would not do that, so i will never understand how another human being can do that. i can nvr give away my heart to two people. that is crazy. only one at a time.

moving on, as nana would say. we move on and i agree. life doesnt revolve around stupid things. life has many option. if one fails on plan A, move on to plan B, next would be plan C but nana's plan stopped at plan D. i wonder why because there's like other 22 other alphabets * alphabets ade 26 right? *

my plan now is to stop thinking about things that don't matter much. i should be thinking about my studies. oh yeah, i went swimming just now with aliyah, my sister, nana and kak nuha and later we headed for kuewtiau sup! that was refreshing. i havent been swimming for at least 6 months. i should do that more often. i should try to occupy my mind with more beneficial stuff. i only lost my bestfriend right, i can still conquer the world and make the best out of it. he just doesnt know what he is missing. not that i am some kind of diamond but at least i still do own some self respect and i know what is precious and what is not. go figure that yourself alrite since you claimed that you are so matured.

i went searching for eclipse just now and it was sold out. ALOR STAR ? SOLD OUT? ECLIPSE?? haha. that's new considering kat alorstar xde twilight kat wayang pon. i want to continue reading the books because i find it amusing that i am actually reading about vampires. i have no interest in them before but somehow the way the writer captured it, it seems interesting. what will i be doing tmoro , indeed? i have to sleep and find out tmoro!

//i still havent got your sorry note and yet i sent you one. i let down my guard just to cater to your needs and yet you say nothing. i know i did that first and you were offended. i am deeply soory but it is better to say nothing than if i say things that will hurt you right. haih jasmin anis, so much for having your stability. he is giving you nigtmares now!

waldorf here i come.

do i look like a tourist?
its one of their monument.
i really dont know the name of it.

today is a tuesday and it is the second day of hari raya aidiladha.
selamat hari raya everyone.
i woke up today at around 10am and lingered around my bed , while finishing new moon, written by stephenie meyer. it's not as good as twilght because edward was not around and their love is not as intense as twilight.
i did manage to finish it, though.
later on, nothing much happened except that i went to the hospitals because i am still suffering from the food poisoning.
my friends said i looked thin*thanks to 2 days of no food*
literally, with no food at all.
all i could munch on was bread.
plain old white bread.
i was running errands one whole day but still havent managed to order my contact lenses.
that will take me at least a week and i have none left to spare.
will do so tmoro.
other than that, i met kery twice today and that certainly made my day.
he is so fat now. haha.
im not kidding.
chubby and cute.
i sound a bit obsessive and my mom would kill me if she sees this.
sorry ma.
any other breaking news?
i dont think so.
other than the landslide in bukit antarabangsa, and it is affecting my family, there's none.
i really hope everything will turn out okay.
two of my aunties can't go back home and i'm sure they miss home like hell.
they can't drive their car because it is trapped but overall,
luckily their house is not affected, just the area within it.
alhamdulillah.
let's hope for the best and let's go to sleep.

ps: still haven't heard the most wanted word for now.
i'll be patient if i have to , like how i have always been with you .

numb.

after what kery did, no one can touch me anymore.
not again.
at least for now, that's how i feel.
so for you to say that i like you, pls take back your words.
i did say i depend on you, emotionally.
i did say i love you but i said, i dont know how much
because, given a choice, i would choose anyone else but you, definitely.
i have chosen to stick with the high road rather than YOUR road.
so, think again before you say something because right now, i am numb.
i went through it once and i can go through it again.
but its no use this time around because oh well, you're a loser.
i just don't like the fact that you're spreading words around.
i'll just keep quiet.
you don't own up to your action.
your friends dont know how you've been treating me and what we go through.
they can say much but is that the truth?
so now, i'm trying my best to keep my dignity and i really wish that
you be a man and stand up for the right.
and one more thing, i dont bail on my promises unlike you.

hello malaysia.

its been a week since i last blogged and since then, i have too many things to share. i just got back from jakarta and i am suffering from food poisoning. the food was so good in jakarta that i couldnt care less about the cleanliness. haha. i finally got the 'es durian' that i wanted so badly! it was delicious! we reached jakarta at around 11pm on wednesday, and we were all too tired to do anything so we went straight to the apartment and slept the night off. the next day, that's when the adventure began. haha.we went to mangga 2 on the first day and it was boring. it was more like pekan rabu here in alor star but the food was magnificent. it was nothing much actually, nasik padang je but sdap nye. haha. i cant remember where did we go later. haha. on the second day we went to bandung. shopping heaven =) and yes, i did shop a lot for me and everyone else. mama bought clothes for practically everyone. haha. since this is our second time in bandung we picked the outlets that we really wanna go so that we dont really waste our time. the third day was more on sightseeing. a bit dull but it was ok. and on the fourth day, i was too sick to go anywhere. all i did was lay on the bed and read new moon. i know, that can be done at home but i cant really watch the tv either, xphm dong, diorng ckp laju gle. haha. overall , i was amazed to see that jakarta is actually beautiful. and the shopping is superb!

love you with no measure

jasmin anis is now in kl . away from her friends in kedah and is definitely away from a particular human being.

i really thought my past wont haunt me anymore. but somehow, it came back. i am here, taking full responsibilities of it and i assure you, it will not happen again.

i need time to get away,i need time to heal, i need time to wander around, i need time to think, i need time to chill and most importantly, i need time to find myself again. not that i lost it but somehow, it's gone while i was not aware of it.

you came by late at night, with the intention to talk heart to heart with me. it went elsewhere and it did not get to a point where i wanted it to be. i want it to be finished. at least, with an ending. an ending as a beggining or an ending as a closure. you know that all this while, you treated me badly and yet not a single sorry was uttered from u. i should have known you better.
i do know you just not as well. whatever, i reallllllllllyyyy need to get away from you.

anyway guys, thanks for always being there for me. i love you all with all my heart and soul.