berhenti berfikir.

usually i am sad to leave home but today i am ok. perhaps because my mom has been nagging all week long and i still couldn't find the reason why she likes to nag and why is it that she likes to put me on a guilt trip for going out with my friends? its not like if i were to be at home, she'd ask me out pon. its the same thing. cleaning, cooking and watching the tv. i need to go out to make sure that alostar is fine, the buildings are still there and just for fun. haha.

for these past few days, i felt like i was on an emotional rollercoaster. some days felt like i was going up and days later, i'd feel like i am going to puke and certain days felt like i'm going downwards and will never go up again. i am dealing with emotions that i nvr thought would come. i'd nvr thought i would feel at all but now, it's in my head and in my thoughts, all the time. it's good if i can let it go and perhaps the best option here, is to actually let it go. its' not worth it. not worth a shot, let alone being the third time. i can make my head understand but how do i translate it into my heart? i want my head and my heart to walk in a line but unfortunately, they dont cooperate well. so i guess for now, i should learn to let go. let the butterflies in my stomach fly away and pray real hard they won't come back unless it's for significant reason. a reason that can change my life. i will stop analyzing your words eventhough thats the only way for me to know you deeply, i will not care about your opinions though i know it makes sense sometimes, i will stop thinking about you eventhough she's always be right in front of me, everyday at the faculty ans at times, she's my illegal neaighbour next door at melati.

i am trying to pack , trying to chill down a little, trying to absorb the fact that i am stronger that i can go through all of these without one single tear(though i feel like bursting already). probably it was a mistake to see you during these holidays but my heart says the other. by going back to sh alam will sh alam tonite, i hope i can unwind a bit and relax myself. i've been through a lot for a week and i will admit, its not worth it. haha. i am still sane.

anyway, i better pack now. things are all over the place. sharifah came today! the fisrt one to come to my hse! hahaa. guys, come over laaa.

the lanky amoii

and so she left today to further her studies. one of the most cheerful person i've ever known. a siamese who doesn't act like one. haha. god, i'll miss her so much. probably because these past few months, she's been filling the void in my life that needs to be occupied. it has been empty ever since someone else left it and made a big hole and up until today, the person has refused to make an effort to fill it up. maybe i am just blowing things out of proportion, maybe but that doesnt change how i feel. anyway babe, thanks for the angpau last night, thanks for the mini oranges, the beautiful and extremely loud fireworks, thanks for teaching me how to gamble.
*hahaha*
i was just wondering, i am really sad she's gone but how would my brother actually feel?

guitar heroes.

holding on to other people's opinion will get you no where. that's what i think. as an ordinary human being, i would be lying to say that i don't care about other poeple's view about me, at all. i do care but there's a limit to it. here's an example. i know i am known as the girl with the big curly hair. some would say ' why can't she go straighten up her hair or something' and perhaps other would say other things. i would love to go iron my hair permanently but only i know the consequences of it, about a week later. hahaa. my original hair will grow back and i hv to hold the iron every morning to iron the roots and most of the times, the pain are unbearable because the heats get to the scalp of my head. so at the mean time, i am happy with my hair. haha. enough with the long long example.

all i'm saying is that, people's opinion should not get to you unless if you take it as a constructive criticism.

1. other people's opinion doesnt get you anywhere.
2. it doesnt bring you further in life unless you take it positively.
3. the view of others shouldnt hold you back from doing the things that you love.
   
4. just because your friends have defined the word cool based on their own terms , it doesnt mean you should follow those terms, and fyi, your friends are so not cool and they seriously need to get a life, rather than condemning other people when clearly, they are just a bunch of idiots.
5. since you care so much about other people's view, why don't you do them a favour and study a bit?
   
6. with a constant reminder in your mind that people are watching you, it's not like you behaved well pon. so what is it actually?
7. parents, teachers, lecturers and real friends would accept you no matter what and they don't judge. you tried obeying your parent's rule sometimes but most of the times, failed, you ignored your lecturessssss when you should actually listen to their advices, but you try so hard to please your loser friends?
   
8. obviously, a girl's opinion wouldnt matter at all, i guess.
   

" other people's opinion of you does not have to become reality"

keep in mind, this is a random post =)

leaving all the misery behind.

just when i thought my week could not get any worse, the bad news came.

here i am in melati alone. i am among the last one to leave this place but i am actually loving the quietness. haha. i miss my friends already, though. i slept over at mysara's last night * sorry fali for leaving you alone last night. hehe* aliyah wanted 'breaking dawn' so badly last night but somehow i've got this feeling that she'll be dissapointed like i was earlier. nvrmind. let her read it first. anyways, i've got lots of time to kill since my bus is at 12.15am. the bags are all packed and ready! haha.

something woke me up today. i'll take it as a bad news but i know there's a reason behind it. perhaps she's not ready and perhaps she wasn't meant to leave,not just yet. i dont know which one but i am worried. just so you know, i will always be there for you, no matter what.

another matter here, i wanna make peace with someone but i dont know how to approach that someone. i can't say it out loud, i just can't. having to spend another 3 years here, it would be helpful if i were to get along with everyone. each and everyone here. it would be embarrasing to admit defeat when i don't even have the intention to enter into a competition,but it's not like i am left with any choice here. lots of thoughts have been considered. why am i feeling all this when all she did was took a portion of something that was never mine? it was never mine and i know it will never be. she can have it all, more or less. i am willing to create a way for them. i know this is all weird but having to go through all this madness in another 3 years would be unbearable. how can i stop thinking about it when i know i will be seeing that person every single day of my life? the least i can do is give them some blessings, i guess. here, you got my blessings.

oh yess, the holidays are in! think people think! what are we gonna do for the next 7 days!! i have a bel presentation that needs to be prepared. TMI that is. mr YAY's company. haha. i am now worried about my rihanna tickets because at this moment, only 100 tickets left. what if i don't get it??! i really wanna go. haih, i better go now. i want to sleep. tata!

who am i kidding?

i woke up today with a restless feeling. can't help it but feeling down last night. what has happened last december should have been seen as a blessing in disguise and i am thankful for it. i have been admitting to people that i am fine and let me assure you, i am really fine, except for last night. how can i be fine when i know i can't dig in into a 19 year old boy's childish mind. the one that has been the root of all my complications.*Allah knows best* i am ready to bury it all behind by saying thank you for all the things that you have thought me earlier and thank you for being the biggest jerk i have ever known in my whole entire life. thank you for being there during the peak moments in my life and during my sorrows. lastly, i can't say thank you for the way you have been treating me, do i? you don't deserve it. i will never understand your quote ' we have to be cruel in order to get what we want'. i do get what i want sometimes but never have i been cruel in those terms in order to get what i want. grow up a bit. that's all i'm asking for. grow up and be a man. i pity those girls who will be your victim of words. thank god i am smarter than those girls. i was born with a brain and the least i could do is use it. i am not a fool for you and i have never been. *goodbye you selfish jerk* go bury your big head somewhere and pls, grow up

i really want want you to read this.

3

3 weeks into the semester and i havent been doing much but talking, eating and sleeping. sleeping can be done in the room or in the class room. sleeping in the class room will trigger the feeling of guiltiness. haha. the lecturer will try to point you out but nevertheless, when you wake up, you will feel a bit energized. haha. i miss my evening naps. i will operate better with the help of my evening nap. i miss having good food. seriously, all i have been eating at the cafe is nuggets, karipap, kueh ketayap and such. i need normal food. other than that, there will be nothing new other than, I MISS HOME LIKE HELL!

i should be touching a few books starting tonite but god, help me! i dont feel like doing it!!

i shot someone the other day but she's alive,still!

hey there.

i am in PC lab 1. the infamous lab in uitm. haha. we're having a lab discussion and i did my past with my group member just now. it went well. i am not very well for these past few days. last weekend was a blast. my friends from kedah and i had a gathering in KLCC for aliyah's birthday. later on, we went to mysara's house for a sleepover. since we all like to talk, we ended up sleeping at 4am and woke up at 10am for the education fair in KLCC, again. hell, it was really tiring since i havent recover from my fever and flu.

after returning from the education fair, i got a few useful information and i think it helped me a bit. i havent done the conclusion yet. but it all falls on me now, whether i want it or now.

i am slowly absorbing the fact that my life is super hectic and there's no need to complain. i've got no news to feed you guys with right now. haha. sorry. as all of you has been aware of, i have lost my stability and i finally found peace . haha. but somehow, i cant walk a day in menara now and not have my eyes dirty and filthy.

//until you realise the depth of the betrayal that i had to go through because of your act, you will still think that you are innocent.

detachment.

hey everyone. HAPPY NEW YEAR.

i shall start this new year with a fresh new beginning. my room in melati is quite far comparing to the last 2 semesters. my roomates are fine. haha. fali is one of my roomates afterall. i havent got the vibe to study yet. haha. 8 subjects baby. good luck!

anyway, guess how i celebrated my new year???
haha. i was in the car with my mom and my aunty in bukit antarabangsa because we had to send my aunty home. i caught a glimpse of the fireworks celebration and that was it. hahaa. initially, i wanted to go to the curve with my cousins because before that, we had a barbecue. that's like my 3rd barbecue in 2 weeks. mkn byk gle. but then, if i were to go out and celebrate at the curve, my mom would have to drive alone on new year's eve and i think that's very dangerous. plus, die punye lesen keta dah mati. hahaha. later, liy and her friends picked me up for a late night teh tarek. it was 1.30am already but i didnt want a sad new year. if i were to sit at home, my thoughts will go wild. that's bad. haha.

and these past few days have been nothing but family time. started with the family day, then we had a barbecue to welcome the new year, the next day we had a lunch at my aunty's house in sg besi, the next day was dinner at ampang. later on we went for a karouke at KDE. that was fun. pastu lepak lagi kat suzi's conner. my family was here for a bout a week. i miss them now.
actually, i miss my brothers. my big brother is on a holiday with his friends but he called last night to ask me about my shoe size! haha. yeye. and my little brother is SUFFERING LIKE CRAZY in national service. my mom is trying to get him out from there but i think her attempts will only results to failure. just let him be la ma, he is such a baby. i went through it as well. at one point, i cried from maghrib prayers till it was supper time. thats like 4 hours of crying non stop for at least a week. it all stopped when my mom said, ' ok, see it as a training for you to be away from your family for your US trip' hahahhahaha. suddenly, all the tears dried up and i had the time of my life. hahaha. be strong ok aiman.

my classes have started. i think classes are like classes la. as much as u complain, u have to go jgak.

i gtg now, too many things that need to be done like i dont know what. hahaha. cleaning la as usual. but i was thinking of my new year resolution, other than xnak gigit kuku. what else aa? haha. oh yeah, i am saving for my 2010 trip baby!!

//for you to be happy in your present life, you have to detach your past. correct.