Let's go, 2010.

I learned that effort pays off as well as laziness.

I learned that there are many kinds of fights. Some fights will just brush off, for example between a mom and a daughter. Some fights will take some time to cool it off with efforts from both parties, for example, two best friends. Some fights are just mend to break things off, for example, one friend who doesn’t care and one who does.

I learned that it is a big world out there and most of the time, you have to be a team player and classes now, are teaching you that and that means that you have to be professional enough to push aside anything. Anything.

I learned that big events are hard to plan. Even daily events, like where we are having dinner is hard to decide. Haha.

I learned that when you take things for granted so much, the next thing you know, that thing will just be gone and that’s when you will realize that you needed it so much.

I learned that when we are walking up the stage to receive your diploma, that's just one of the highlighted moments of your life.

I learned that you can not like a person, but you can eventually love that person, so much, without realizing it.

I learned that happiness cannot be built upon other people’s unhappiness.

I learned that you can just not care. Just don't.

I learned that I don’t want 5 kids anymore.

I learned that I still want to study abroad. I still do, badly.

I learned that I won’t have that chance, at least not now.

I learned that even though I adore Sophia Bush and Taylor Swift's songs, Hilary Erhard Duff is still #1.

I learned that God is Great and everything above great because He works miraculously in His own magical ways.

I learned that living outside is quite tough and scary at times.

I learned who my true friends and foes are and my family will always be there by my side.

I learned that I could actually love animals.

I learned that short holidays can help you sort things out but not solve them.

I learned how to use Blackberry rather than just Nokia, since I am a loyal Nokia user since I am 14.

I learned and actually understood the term ‘Forgive and Forget but not that I can actually forgive and forget easily.

I learned the real reason on why I decided to stay at where I am staying now, and not at the planned venue.

I learned how to drive in KL.

I learned to appreciate my time away from home and vice versa.

I learned that when someone hurts you so much, there will come a point where your heart will listen to your mind and follow its instruction because your mind will ignore the pain and then you realise that, after all, that was what you needed. Anything but mere pain.

I learned that patience and sincerity are the virtues in life.

I learned how to cook more dishes.

I learned that some people doesn't get that his actions and words may affect how I feel or how I think.

I learned that I LOVE SLEEPING SO MUCH, nothing else matters.

I learned that I actually want you to know how much I love(d) you.

I learned that there are two types of friends. One where you can talk to for long hours, even after having no conversations for so long and one where you just lost touch and it ends there. Eg, I can still talk to Aiman after 3 years of not seeing each other but I wonder how it is with you.

I learned that we are the same, me and mom.

I learned that even though I have had massive list of accomplishments this year but the downside of this year overruled those happy moments.

I learned that life is a game but it's not fair.

Blearghhh.

I am here to wrap up 2009 and welcome 2010 because I can proudly say, though I got what I wanted, 2009 is still a crappy, sucky year.

Satu Dua Tiga. Satu Satu.

2009 is coming to an end and I am having second thoughts about everything. If I were to reflect everything that I have been through this year, it's like I am reminding myself that this is bittersweet year but in a way, I can thank it for making me the person that I am today. 2009 is not just another year, it's not just another 365 days. It is more than that. I got everything that I have ever wanted, be it physically, mentally, spritually or materially but indeed the most powerful treasure that I gained is absolute experiences. I still have a few more days before I wrap up this memorable year. Memorable. That's the word. Many things happened, but nothing as significant as, ahh I can't find the courage to even type it here. Nothing as significant as.............. HAHA. In 3 days, many things can happen. Even in one day, many things can happen. I'll try to wrap up a year in one post later. TRY is the word. Uhhuh.

ps : After 3 years of not seeing you, and just one hour conversation about everything, really gave me the things that I needed to hear. If it happens, it happens. If not, I am fine with it. Yes.

FREEDOM

My bags are all packed, waiting to be loaded into the car,
My phone is fully charged, to keep me company for the next five hours,
My eyes are just waiting, waiting for the perfect time to shut it off,
My brain is capturing every single moment, of this comfy place of mine,
My tummy has been filled with yummy pancakes,
My ears, are hearing something.
Oh right, mom asked me to shut down this laptop and actually take a bath.

Oh kay, KL here I come. I can smell freedom from here.

Madre.

Oh hello Mother. I think you are/will be reading this right. Just so you know, it is any daughter's worst nightmare to have their mom read their blog, especially when she has been pouring her heart out here. HERE. Anyway, takkan nak undo kan everything. Rasa nak delete blog? YES! Haha. Takpe la , baca laa.

It's about time....

I could go back to every laugh
But I don't want to go there anymore and I
know all the steps up to your door
But I don't want to go there anymore
Talk to the wind, talk to the sky
Talk to the man with the reasons why
And let me know what you find

I could stand up and sing you a song
But I don't want to have to go that far and I
I've got you down, I know you by heart
And you don't even know where I start
Talk to yourself, talk to the tears
Talk to the man who put you here
Don't wait for the sky to clear

I could go back to every laugh
But I don't want to go there
anymore..

Thank you, Taylor Swift for such wonderful song lyrics.

Stop smiling.

I was browsing through the Internet and found a line where it said ' We all want to be the Cullens"Is it? Cause I would die to be one of the Scotts. Cullens are cool but Scotts sounds better. Cullens sounds antique but Scotts sound more, homey. Haha. Holidays are the time for you, for me to discover the unknown and go bonkers. I am in front of the computer, playing bubble spinner, or any other bubbly games, reading fan fiction, downloading some songs, blogwalking, twitterring, checking out the latest gossip, watching anything I can find online but truly, my heart desires only one thing. To be with Hannah and Yana and Bella in London, gossiping because just by using a device called handphone, is not enough. Haha. At least, I know I have got friends with me, all the time. Mom is soooo annoyed with me right now, I can tell cause she'll be talking to me and I will be giggling with my phone cause someone just BBM-ed me the most stupidest thing. HAHA. ( ) ( ) bingo. But like I said, I know I have got friends to back me up, to put sense in my head, to remind me things like stop being so bitchy and cheer up. Cousins to tell me funny things at 3am in the morning. Cousins to make me smile with the sound of their laughter. Cousins to take me out for dinner and movies. Friends and cousins that have the same level of craziness and bitchiness. They stop me from being miserable. I think I will just die without my family and friends. I don't know what I am without them. Like now, I am so bored I can eat my feet off cause no one is at home, and it's only 3 o' clock if nak kluar panas sangat. A friend of mine just got back from Aussie and she is MEGA funny okayh. I mean MEGA. What I am trying to say here is, if anything were to happen, I have got friends to back me up, to tell me what is wrong and what is not. So that I don't do things that are so stupid that people would label me as crazy. Haha. I need a break from all of these. Oh 2010, please be a good year. I am begging you. I need to get my new glasses. It is very prettttttyyyyy. Haha. I feel like dying my hair. I feel like what else? yeah, I want to go to a new university outside of Malaysia, can ah? I still do, very much. VERY VERY MUCH.

Black & White.

This is my last week at home.
I better cherish it and,
Not make a sad sappy story next semester.
Lalalalalala.
I feel like taking a shower,
I feel like playing bubble spinner,
I feel like posting something that I am not supposed to.

Lappy, where are you?
I miss you, lappy.
When can I have you back?
I have my everything in there, including things written in black and white.

Tiga Sekawan.

I am a happy camper, indeed.
This beats playing bubble spinner from 10.30pm to 2.30am.

OMG!

One Tree Hill is on a break, till 18th of January.
What the hell am I suppose to do until then?
Oh well, re-run of past seasons lah!

18 more days.

It is already 17th of December and I am left with, wait, let me count, 18 days before classes start, and that is if, classes begin on the 4th of January. A new year, a new beginning. Insya Allah. As much as I can't wait for 2009 to end, lets not forget that whatever that has been happening in 2009 will be carried forward to 2010. It's not like, okay, 2009, I am leaving you behind. The memories will always be in mind, be it good ones or the bad ones. Everyone is going back already to their own places. Berkobar-kobar kawan-kawan aku ni hah nak belajar ye. Haha. Sampai ada yg dah tnye code subject suma. Haha. I am not wrapping up 2009, not just yet. 18 days, banyak lagi bole jadi. Ramai lagi orang nak kawen. Ramai lagi orang nak jumpa betol2 before start class. Banyak lagi benda tak settle. Okay, so 2009. Don't let me down at the very end alright. As much pain that you have caused me, I'll take it as a good thing. Building me up. Cherishing all the good friends that I have. Making me think that every seconds count.

After a while...

Today was extraordinarily FUN ! teeheeee

Mom let me out the whole day. So, I had a very late lunch with my friends at Pacific.

Everyone had laksa but me.

Later on, she picked me up and we went to school.
Sultanah Asma School (2002 - 2006 )
Haha


She wanted to do a photoshoot for our beloved school and the brass band members
but too bad that the kids were on a break,
so all she got was the pictures of their instrument.
If you guys are free on the 17th up till 19th of this month,
do check them out at the KLWMBC and MBC ( i think )
My school is the BOMB.
I'm not even kidding.

Then, we went for a tour around Alor Star
and
bought those bubbles thingy
and
had fun with it!
until Alip came and popped my big balloon!
and
I chased him around the yard
and
found out that I could run really fast when I am furious.
Haha.

This is fun but someone has got to study for her exam.
Haha.

Dinner was fun as well.
I had nasi lemak with Kuyah, Sarah, Lisa, Nadia and Aina, Najwa and Wan for like 3 minutes.

Today was nice, fun, light and easy.
Thank you ;)

ps : Happy 18th Birthday baby brother.

Who is Angelina?

Do you know that you are insanely pretty and this picture is just perfectly adorable?
Do you know that I salute you to the core with how you handled your divorce?
Do you know that your raspy voice is extremely sexy?
Do you know that your so called birth defect is your most attractive physical trait?
Do you know that I am disappointed that you got limited screen time for Season 7?
Do you know that I feel like flying off to Wilmington just to watch how they shoot One Tree Hill?
Do you know that there is a thread made in the OTHforum just for you and Austin Nichols?
Do you even know that I wish I could be someone strong like you, or at least like Brooke Davis?


;Strong would mean,having the courage to leave when I am supposed to
;Strong would mean,having the courage to put on a cold shoulder.
;Strong would mean,having the courage to ignore it even when it is in front of me.
;Strong would mean,having the courage to push away anything and not cave in.
;Strong would mean,having the courage to detest anything that comes along my way.

;Leave when I was hurt the first time, not the second, not the third, and now it is like the Nth time.
;Give a cold shoulder when I am spoken to and listening to the whiny crap about the other side.
;Ignore it even when it is clearly obvious what they are trying to portray in front of me.
;Push away those sweet talk and not cave in when I heard the word, SORRY.
;Detest anything. I MEAN ANYTHING even when it is in my way, in my road.

ps : Angelina Jolie came by to check on Jennifer Aniston's house with Brad Pitt. COOLIO 0-0

I am a bitter person now when it comes to this. Not even emotional anymore.

I am not Angelina Jolie. THANK GOD ;)

I'd be rude if I didn't say WELCOME!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

It's like you sprinkled some cherry, hot fudge, hot caramel and to top it off, loads of whipped cream on my icy vanilla sundae! THANK YOU!

What a way to end my horrible year ;)

Dah terduduk baru tau sakit.

10th of December. I wasn't that keen to know about my results neither was I anticipating it. Like I said, I don't care anymore. I just don't. I wasn't scared with the fact that I didn't study as hard as I used to. I just dont, just because. I was fine with it, but my parents were not. Mom said I ruined my own personal record and Dad asked me to extend my semesters so that I don't have to take up to 8 subjects per semester. I think I failed in the sense of making my mom proud because one thing for sure is, the next convocation will not be the same anymore. I can still remember vividly, her face on my last convocation. I am sorry mom and dad. I just can't bear the thoughts that I have let them down because they gave me everything that I need. Now I feel a tiny bit of regret because why can't I accomodate to their wants when they have given me everything that I need? Arrrghhh.

But the thing is, I am fine with it. Is it okay for me to be fine with it? I will work hard next semester. I promise. In fact, I have bought new curtain for my room in Shah Alam to replace the green/white curtain. The new one is Pink. I think, indirectly, it will boost my spirits to study harder. Kasi Feng shui sket. Haha. Pfttt.

Btw, I would like to say, "You have tasted your own medicine,Jasmin Anis and you know how bitter it is," and Congratulations Mysara for getting the results that you truly deserved ;) I am proud and happy because I know how it feels like to get such results.

Okay, dah bole move on. Takyah cakap psal results. There's nothing interesting about it. Bottom line is, I didn't fail any subjects and I am okay with it ;) Peace.

Not even the moon, just one star.

Someone posted something useful on Twitter today.

"Jangan asyik meminta jika tidak memberi,"

It is a simple fraction of words but I assume the meaning that lies behind it, is quite deep because as much as you deny it, it is true. We should learn to reciprocate more, with the other human beings in this world. Or should I say, I should learn to reciprocate more in my every day life. I feel like ever since everything that has been happening, I feel like I have become this selfish person who protects herself from being taken for granted by anyone, I mean, anyone, even the person I love most in the whole wide world. The holiday is about to end, I am looking for ways to fix this. Fix this mess. Fix myself. It has been horrible. I hate arguments and fights. They lead you nowhere. This phrase is simple. It's just like why expect for a 4.0 GPA, if you study sufficiently for only 3.0? How can you expect a forest when you only grow a tree? What did you even dream about getting a Chanel handbag when you only save up for a Guess handbag? Why ask for God to grant you miracles when you hardly seek for his forgiveness on a daily basis? Get it?

I am not even asking for the moon. I am just asking for equality but I guess for now, I just have to deal with the fact that life is unfair. DEAL WITH IT, jasmin anis.

Here comes the....

Seriously, this is one hell of a good looking 3 month old boy. Big round eyes, cute little mouth, nice skin, cool hair and as a bonus point, he is a good baby that only cries when he is hungry and will smile when you tease him and talk to him. Say hello to Ferhan Elan. I'm sure he will break many hearts when he is a macho boy later. Haha.

As you can see, other than baby sitting and watching new moon again, last night, I have been doing nothing much. I haven't been strolling around the mall and I haven't met any friend while I'm here. Though, I saw The Angel, reading his book at Kinokuniya. Out of all the people I could have met, I swear that was the sweetest gift I could get this holiday. Haha.

What else is so interesting this holiday? Nothing is actually.

Why am I smiling?

I am leaving for a short trip to KL to visit my family and Eva and Elan, the new baby brother are here so YIPPIEEEE! And I will leave all of these for a week and if I am lucky enough, I might want to watch New Moon again. But one thing for sure, I will not forget to watch One Tree Hill when it airs tomorrow. I felt so lonely without them. Haha. I know I will miss my friends here in Alor Star, especially tekong, Nana. Hehe. So, Have a great week ahead guys.



Just incase if you guys happen to stumble upon Hannah's blog and read the post where she said something about Julian, here it is. Hehe. I can't get enough of him. The one on the right, with current beau, Sophia Bush <3

Adios! I'm coming to bite you, Vava!

I’m a good liar, Bella. I have to be.

Did I watch it? Silly question to ask. Yes, I did. Once but I might want to add to that because, I loved it! I feel like meeting the Mr Director himself, Chris Weitz and pat him a little on the back and say, " Ahhh well done. Finally, you captured the chemistry and the strong love connection between Bella and Edward." The movie is slow, needless to say and a bit dark but when I read it, that was how I imagined it to be, so it acceptable. When Bella says, it's like there's a hole im my chest and the next scene showed her scream while she sleeps, that is a bit disturbing because, it is true. Sometimes, when your heartaches so badly, that's all you want to do. Just scream your lungs out. Haha. Nicely done. Message delivered. Point taken. Haha. This is a cute picture don't you think? Kristen Stewart is stunningly beautiful and Jacob, was always shirtless and Edward was hardly in the movie but overall, I liked it.

When I went to watch the movie, most girls, I mean three quarter of the girls were wearing this very eye-catching tee. But I was too shy to ask them where they got them. So, I just watched those girls, wore it proudly, with envy. But later, when I went out from the cinema, a bunch of people were selling it and so, I had the chance to buy it. It says, I love Edward and Athirah bought, I love Jacob. Hehe. I am, of course, very happy but the t-shirt had only size S left. I bought it anyway. Haha. 11-0

The Opposite of A Politician's View.

A million rupiah worth of shopping trip, long family trip car rides across Jakarta’s busy traffic, a funny Indonesian driver named Ogy, end of the waiting for the best durian ice cream in the world, food poisoning, a little sister that covered your ass up, and a fake smile, and still, it doesn’t stop your mother to know that your heart is ill.

End of the year holidays, awkward fights, Tasek Darulaman, loving friends, caring family, Pak Tuan restaurant, weird YM conversations, and a scratched heart.

Classes from 8.30am till 6.00pm, tones of assignments and presentations covering up till your nose, tests and quizzes that you can barely make it and a couple of annoying guards didn’t ease up the situation.

Wendy’s, a special day spent in Sunway Pyramid , a wandering mind and a wild soul detached from the body, a phone call from KLIA, voices of a heart shattered into pieces, and a lonely night spent at Lilin with millions of unanswered questions.

An exhausted mind, a tiring and sweaty body and a weak soul, that’s all ever were.

Long pillow talks with friends, cousin even brothers and sisters, long sour YM conversations, long unnecessary meetings, and long conversations.

A speech from mother, Mamak stall, a sofa, clinics, medicines, car rides and still, long lectures and speeches from mother, that is now all priceless.

A plane ticket, Heathrow Airport, the company of an 18 year old brother, London Bridge, Colindale, a fake Miley Cyrus and Brad Pitt, lunch with Shakirah, Bayswater, cold dry weather, early wake up call, Facebook quizzes, YM conversations, tubes, Vava, best crepe ever from Hampstead, Gap tshirt, key chains, Snickers, three guys from the Jonas brothers and a mere thought in mind that holidays can mend a broken heart and proven by a solid case, it was only for short term purposes.

A black bubble dress, college, a fortune worth of pearls, few cameras, walking down the stairs, Audit class at 8.30am, a Mcdonald meal, millions of pictures, some keys and a late night trip to a beautiful place in Malaysia, made it worst.

Out of all these things, not a single drop of tears. Funny.

So, it is true, what doesn’t kill you, will only make you stronger.

But from all of these turns of events, not only did it make me stronger but it created a monster out of me.

A green eyed monster that I never knew I had within me.

However, how I wish that the monster is not easily tamed down when the hardest five letter word is being said, endlessly like the rain that has been pouring down nonstop right now.

Even when the level of sincerity is in doubt, this stupid green-eyed monster caved in and believed it anyway...

And this is how the opponent of the crappy politician viewed things for the past 365 days.

a tight slap on the face II

I know I posted something earlier and I decided to delete it and just save it as draft because the words are just too sentimental. Haha. Yes, even for me, those words were too much because it was the awful truth. Just something that I found from my dear friend's tumblr, Izzah. Go explore her tumblr, peeps. It's a nice one. I've been browsing through all the other tumblrs and I found some very interesting quotes. It is those inspirational words that help us, the weak ones here get through our daily routines or at least, help to get us out of the bed on days that we feel like sleeping in and just cover our face with those comfy comforters. I am not sure whether it is healthy or not but hey, if it makes you stay on the right track, then, it should be good right. But the bad side of it, is that those words make you feel like there's hope when actually, in reality there's none. NONE. So, the picture above is just a random one to replace the deleted one. Read it, but make no judgements will you? Just a random one. *uhhuh*

Someone asked me a question the other night, and it was regarding the thing that I have always wanted and I found my self answering those questions, EXCITEDLY. Still, I am still excited about it even when I know, I am doomed to stay here, for good. I envy those who can achieve what they want and where they want it to be. I still do but in a good way. Mom asked me today, 'Is this what you really want?' Truth is, will there be any correct answer to it? What I am doing now, is not a dream of mine but I have to admit, I actually do like it. It never was and I still don't know if it will ever be but like I said, at least I am on the right track. In fact, it is even a faster track. Honestly, I like what I am doing now. I am doing this for me but given a choice, I want to do it, elsewhere. That's the thing. I can't say it out loud. I will break their hearts. My dreams, to them, are a burden. The one thing that I have learned so much this year are, patience and sincerity. Be patient and be sincere, it'll get you very far. I am being so patient that I am pushing all my dreams away. Things have been perfectly laid out for us and I believe there will be some of those good left-overs for me. BUT, I don't want to hope, hope and hope and get crushed later in life. I've went through it before, in other scenarios and it is not something that you would want to go through again, even when you are given all the money in the world.

woohoooo!

Wake up. Tonyoh mata. Check hand phone. Gosok gigi. Basuh muka. Pakai contact lens. Turun bawah cari makanan. Look for mom. Go upstairs. Start cleaning upstairs. Tengok tv. Switch on your laptop. Play some games on FB. Mama panggil. Go down. Help with the hantaran. Kemas bawah. Kemas atas. Kemas bawah. Kemas atas. Find food for lunch. Tolong hantaran lagi. Tv. Online. Play with Khoo Cheng. Tido. Kluar makan ngan kawan. Ohh, semayang. Haha. Balik before maghrib. Buat lesen. Hantar barang pegi post office. Go out with mom. Buat kek batik. Tolong buat hantaran lagi. Makan. Makan. Makan. TIDOOOOOOOO.........................................and One Tree Hill.

Activity for the first week of my holiday. Heaven. See, I don't see the word Book in there and I am happy.


ps : ;))

Always and Almost Forever

When I was smaller, I wanted to grow up fast,
Now that I am already a grown up, I want to rewind the time back,
Because things are much more simpler back then,
I was a kid,
Not that things are that rough for me now,
But they are not how I planned it to be,
I don't intend on it to be perfect,
But maybe, time could slow down a bit.
Let me take a chance to breathe in and breathe out a bit.
Mostly, everyone that I need is here but
Why does it feel like one more spot needs to be filled in?
I don't see the rainbow,,
I don't see the sun anymore,
I only see the rain.
Every single day.

I bet it's the rain that has been changing my rhythm for the day.
Rain, rain, please go away.
Me and my friends, we want to play.
But when it rains, the fun got taken away.

My 1st

Hello People of The World,

Today was fun. I woke up at 1pm. Okay, that's not new for me. In fact, it has been a routine. A routine that I should try to change from now on. That's why we plan to go for breakfast early in the morning tomorrow. WE TRY. Haha. Apart from that, I went out with a few of my friends today for a catching up session.

Anyways, that's not the fun part. Since I am apart of Noni's Creation, naturally, I am back to work for my boss, Mother! My mom is almost retiring from the business and I think she wants me to take over, but unfortunately, I don't have such talent. Nak buat hantaran? I don't think so. The most that I can do is just make some ribbons with different sizes. An inch, half an inch, and that's it. Oh yeah, I can also panjat panjat and pasang pasang like arch and stuffs but that's about it. So tonight, mom kinda passed the torch to me and I did mostly everything. Basically it's nothing. But I like it when I feel like FINALLY, I AM HELPFUL AROUND HER. Since she said I have been doing nothing but going online, eat and sleep. Haha. True enough but what else is there to do?

Here's a proof :


AND this is the end result :

HAHAHA TIPU JAAA!

I set up a bedroom, not a pelamin. Haha. This is from another wedding which I don't know who. But you get what I am saying right. I can do these things, just not the small little details like hantaran. Here's a glimpse of my mom's hantaran.
Promote - promote. Hehe


Just incase, if anyone of you nak kawen, just text me, or email me, jasmine_dunc@yahoo.com but I hardly open my email la. comment je laaa.

And, another thing happened today. There was a road block kat Jalan Stadium and for the first time, the JPJ guy asked me to stop by the road side and asked for my license. Here's the thing. Today is my last day being a P driver. Haha. So, the JPJ guy said, 'Oh, esok boleh buang P la kan?' And I just smiled and he gave me back my P license. Haha. Happy pulak kna tahan ngn JPJ. Haha. Okay. Poyo jap but it seemed ironic for me to be going through it on my last day of my P period. There's always a first for everything right, so there you go. Heeee ;)

Aaaa, that's it for today. It was a nice happy day until I knew that One Tree Hill will not be aired next week. Hmmm, why why why!?? WHY CBS!

It's about time

Let's just say that holidays are boring if your friends are not here. I've got a few to keep me companies but not all of them and of course, you need em all. So I am patiently waiting for everyone to come back and roll on the routines. Now, I do nothing but go online, while cooking lunch, while sweeping the upstairs floor and watch E! Zakian is going back to shah alam tomorrow and we still haven't done our routine walk-around-the-neighbourhood-while-drinking-can-drinks. Haha. We do that pretty often huh. We still have tomorrow to execute our plan.

Other than that, I just got back from a funeral. I didn't want to blog about it but then I realised that life is not all about fun, love and laughter. Its more than that. We go to weddings and we feel happy because its a happy celebration and I guess that we go to funerals and everyone is sad because it is a sad situation to lose someone that you love, that you depend on, emotionally, physically and financially. You don't anticipate death but you know it'll happen to all of us, it's just a matter of time. What saddens me the most is that the girl that lost his father is my junior, the wife that just lost his dear husband is mom's close friend and colleague. My junior will be taking her SPM in 2 days time. How do you concentrate on your SPM when you just when through a devastating period of your life?

And so, life is truly not just about the fun part. Cancer runs in my family. Its not a new thing. From my mother's side, it is cancer and from my father's side, they have a weak heart. Not metaphorically, I mean, literally. Your heart won't pump the blood to all of your body parts or something like that. Is it scary? Yes, yes it is. I lost my grandfather to that condition. So, as much as we take care of our health, it all depends on our body, genetically. I think so. Or perhaps, exercise might help and not eating chicken wings late at night will do also. Heeeeee ;P

That's it for today. Someone asked me to update my blog, frequently, now that I am on a holiday. Will try but when I have nothing much to say, I'd rather not blog because my hands will type something that is not in my list of things to do but clearly, it is in my sub-concious mind. HAHA.

Al-Fatihah. Condolences to Cikgu Kartina and family.

ps : my sub-concious mind works brilliantly. If not, how can I say the word eternity when I am actually asleep? Haha.

But, Or, And, Maybe

Either way, however I try to beat this thing,
I will still not be satisfied with the answer.


or at least the solutions that I have running inside my head.


this has got nothing to do with One Tree Hill.

Lucas is just so sweeeeeet.
* I secretly think that Lucas is Jamie's father*

That is GONE now.

I have always had this one feeling that always made me feel better. A few weeks ago, during the finals, this feeling vanished and I went back to trace it down, but nadaaa. It was gone. I waited for it to come back, I really did but of course, nothing could be found. The thing is, if the feeling is gone, another feeling comes along and I hate the new feeling. It is known as 'waiting'. With the old feeling, I knew that things will fall into place, sooner or later. Hence, I don't have to wait. I never knew that I was holding on to the feeling so much because all this while, I did nothing but trusted my guts and they were awesome. I am not good in dealing with uncertainties. I bet no one likes it. You can't do much about it. I have been taught that when you deal with uncertainty, apply the prudence concept but tell me one thing, how do you get your heart to act prudently? You can't, can't you? But now...... I need to clean up my room. Or at least take a shower and sort everything out later. It's not like things will change anytime soon pon, even when you said you want to change it.

I am not gonna do it la.

I am finally at home after 2 months since Hari Raya.

I have been wanting to do a Holiday list but I can't figure out what is it that I really want to do.
Truth be told, I'd rather work.
I want to work at a fact food chain.
Want je la, but my holidays have always been conquered by all the family obligations.
Work apekebendanya kan.

So, I guess I should just spend some quality time with my family and friends.
So what will be our activity for now, dear friends?

1. Makan dekat Pak Tuan.
2. Makan dekat Mama.
3. Makan dekat depan PKNK.
4. Makan dekat Nurha.
5. Makan rojak.
6. Makan lagi?
7. Breakfast kat kopitiam

1. Jogging.
2. Swimming (swimming suit hilang laaaaaaa)
3. Lepak kat CP, Pacific??!! hmmm.
lagi?
haha

There's no real acitivity actually.
Trust me.
I'd still have fun.
First plan for today,
Jumpa Zakian yang macam dah berjam jam tak jmpa.

haha.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS GUYS!

The Edge

I was fine during the study sessions of the other five subjects and YOU came right in the middle of the last subject, the paper that I hated most, and the one that I needed all my concentration and focus for. YOU took it away, just like that. There I was, sitting in front of the book, reading a single simple line and I can't seem to understand what is it that I am reading.

I MISS YOU.
God, that felt weird.
Ingat kan dah hilang.
I guess, not yet.

Natural Possesion.

I have given it a thought and I am serious about this. I have never been this serious. I know this is for the best, and I thought about it, while considering everyone's interest, and not just mine. I shouldn't be selfish and I know, others will disagree but I have made my decision. No, I am not getting married tomorrow. Takde calon lagi. Haha.

Please don't give me negative feedback on these matter. I know Mom will agree. Dad, he wouldn't care as much. He is the reason, why I have IT. So, I have made my decision and this is final.

I want to straighten my hair, after this finals. Reasons being are :

1. I am scared to look at the mirror after waking up in the morning, if I can't find my scrunchy.
2. I am tired of people making fun of my hair.
3. Sometimes, I think it is hard for me, to manage my own hair. Besar sgt, ssah nak ikat.
4. To take care of this massive curly hair, is quite expensive. The only hair serum that fits nowadays, can only be bought in the United Kingdom and it is an Australian brand. Perhaps, I can buy it from Australia, but I have not reached Down Under, so I have no clue.
5. I poor those who have to play with my hair, when I am tired of studying or I need to sleep, fast.

I think that's it for now.

BUT,

Someone said that if I were to straighten my hair, or re-bond it, I will look like a Vietnamese, or for a matter of fact, she said that those yang straighten tu mmg nampak cam orang Vietnam. HAHAHA. funny, so for the longest time in my Secondary years, I looked like a Vietnamese laaa??!!! hahahaha.

tak macam orang vietnam pon. cantek je. HAHAHAHAHAH
since I rarely get to see my head, with this straight hair,
I am kinda vain when I have it.

Nah, I was just teasing. I heart my curly locks. I do, want to have straight hair, most of the times but some people would kill to have my hair, or not?! haha. i know I'd kill to have those straight shiny hair. haha. but thanks to my father, I have this curly hair. Haha.

With my curly hair, I get to getaway with many things. For example, urm.

1. I can wear a Fedora hat and nampak mcm Indie. wakakakkaka nak muntah.
2. I can curl it , even more.
3. I can ask my hair player, eg, aloyah, salmi, lzr, lynn, pah, elisha, and more to play with it, even more. But the one that I remember most is Yana. Babe, you once played with my hair till I fall asleep hard until the next morning and I could still remember because we were supposed to study for Law 346 that night and of course, I did not. haha.


But guys, just so you know, when you guys play with my hair, when I am in the shower, shampooing my hair, it'll take at least, 10 minutes for me to untangle it but please don't stop playing. hehe. I love it, every minute of you guys playing with my hair.

if straight, mane bole buat cam ni kan. haha.
pah buat tak cool sgt la. haha.

so, conclusion of this post:
I wish that I have straight hair
but I do not posses one, or many hairs for that matter.
Thus, I am thankful with my hair and I like the fact that I can go and blow dry it every
once in a while, and of course, people notice it.
I don't plan on admitting that my hair is naturally straight when of course, everyone knows
it is not.
haha.

fyi, K once touched my hair for a couple of times and he said
'Tak nak rebond mcm dalam Tv tu ke, Min?'
Haha. Probably if I were younger and stupider
and
still had that huge crush on him,
probably I would do it,
just to attract his attention.
But not anymore.

ps: I don't have many photos right now. I am using Lzr's laptop.
Thank you, Lzr for your service.
;)

one more, one more.

I have one more paper for my finals, and that is, Public Sector Accounting, PSA420. This is my first time taking this subject and I really hope that this is the last. I am not good in remembering the real actual facts from a book, line by line, word by word. I don't even read any book, that thoroughly. I skip a lot when I read. I'll just get to the best part, or at least the important part. I skip, A LOT, especially when there are figures. HAHA. Yes, I like figures. I really do, but when there are alone and not together with alphabets. I am weird. Yes. Haha.

I have 10 chapters to go. Malas is the only problem now, and ohh, lapar and ngantok. Not a good combination. Everyone is asleep now. I think I should too. Arrrr, I am patiently waiting for One Tree Hill episode 9. Dira, all the scenes of Julian and Brooke is sweet, not like 500 days of Summer. haha. I bukan anti, i was just expecting for more and all I got was, "This is it?" Haihhh, you need to come up with moreeeeeee this days to impress me or just slap me with some Julian. Hahah.

Speaking of JB, they are dating, for real ;)

ps : finals will be done in less than 72 hours.
after that, it's payback time.
I will go online till I am half blind.
Haha.

pretty please

i am running out of ideas already,
i can't wait for my finals to end,
i can't wait to go home with Kak Chom,
i miss home, dearly,
i miss hannah,
i miss talking to hannah,
i miss Melati,
i miss playing the internet 24/7,
i miss just doing nothing,
i miss khoo cheng,
i miss my car,
i miss classes,
i miss beril's people,( no, tak payah nak terharu sbb i am not saying it to make you guys feel teharu, i am saying it just because i want to say it)
i miss my bed,
i miss che ah,
i miss sleeping in class,
i miss sunway,
i miss YM-ing,
i miss sleeping properly with no time constraints,
i miss VAVA,
i miss my little sister and brother,
i miss watching lizzie mcguire,
i miss the simple life,
i miss my life there,
i miss my PLKN moments,
i.
am.
hurt.
by.
a.
single.
simple.
comment.

calling for my brain.

franco....

suddenly the word appeared in my mind. what is franco? I don't know. james franco maybe, since his name was being said by Serena's boss, KC in Gossip Girl. Nevermind. Franco. Nathaniel. Haha.

ignore that.

extra note

feels like it has been like months since i last logged in. and the truth is, i don't feel like going online cause the last time that i did, i gained nothing but some awful truth. haha. no need to go back to all the history lessons. we had enough of that already. oh well, the finals are going great so far. 3 papers down and 3 more to go. the 3 papers down, really went down the drain. i can't answer most of the questions, the hall was bloody cold you can't even hold your pen properly, hence, you can't think properly. nothing has been going on other than studying, watching one tree hill, hanging out with closest friends, eating a bunch of food, not meeting any family members and tonnes of phone calls. this is what happens during finals. i miss home. i wonder how my room is like. i wonder how khoo cheng is doing. i miss my parents. i really do. i miss my annoying sister. i should be studying corporate governance but instead, im watching one tree hill ep8. i am so lazy nowadays, i shouldn't be complaining when the results come out later. sometimes, i need some kind of wicked motivation but i don't know where to find it. i can't promise myself another big trip that will cost a fortune. all i could think of, is the holidays. but what if i have to go through the same thing that happened during the last december holidays? i can't bear it anymore. the last holiday was so painful. in my book, history loves to repeat itself. so, i look forward to my holidays but i not that much, other than seeing my friendssss every single day and hour. haha. i should get back to my studies but i think i'll pass for now.

dont't take this post seriously. i am only scribbling things out, obviously.

Rindu ACD4B.

This is actually my first time studying for my finals without the presence of my close friends and classmates of ACD4B. Yes, ACD and not ACB. ACB is not as fun as ACD.

I MISS YOU GUYS ;(

This would be the normal script each finals :

Lynn : Korang dah study banyak? SAIKO GLEE WEHHH. Aku tak study lagi tu.
Min, lynn tak tipu min. Lynn tido je tadi tu.
*memang dia tak tipu, dia tido tapi somehow, dalam tido tu dia maybe tgh hafal*

Aloyah : Aku tak baca banyak pon, Min. Aku ngantok gle. Ko ada nescafe? Meh aku buatkan. Aku terror buat nescafe sedap.
*urmmm, sedap sgt. haha*

Qaila : Sangat weh. Aku pon tak baca lagi tu.
*Sambil simpul rambut*

Syaza : Aisya, nanti kul 2 kejut eh. Nak tido jap.
* hahahahah*

Aisya : Syaza, nanti kejut kul 2.30 eh.
*hahahaha pelengkap syaza*

Sal : Sal pon tak baca lagi ni, Min. Sal baru tgk cite Korea. Min dah baca ke?
* Sal, sal. Malas cakap. Haha*

Fafa : Ape ape? SEMULA.
* ahahahah sumpah kelakaaaa*

Maryam : Korang dah baca ke? Aku soh bibik aku goreng keropok ngn japgi aku dtg bwk kek
*YAHOOOO! alaa, tp sekarang ni takde kek dah ;(*

Min Amalia : okayy, yang ni rajin. Masa suma org tgh main internet dia dah pegang buku. Takott.

Hannah : Korang, aku nak singgah 7e. Korang nak ape ape tak? Latte ke, Original ke, Red Tea ke?
* dah takde sape nak tanye dah sekarang ni*

Hanis, Pah and Liy jangan cakap laa.
Tulisan besar besar, jawapan nak panjang je, study tak behenti.
So senang la tiru bile finals kan.
Haha.

Imissyouguys,trulyandsometimesIwishthatwedon'thavetoliveoutside.

Have fun studying for MGT and CTU guys.
See you on Sunday ;)
Love you, guys.

Morning Victory

I got the ultimate victory that I have always dreamed of getting.
I achieved it in the sweetest possible way there is, with the guiltiest feeling ever.
At the time that I achieved it, I felt like I was on top of the world
but when all the hype died down, I kept on pondering what happens next if I were to get the trophy?
Do I really want the trophy?
Do I really need the trophy?
The trophy that once used to be as shiny as it could be, now is just a piece of steel, with no value.
An honest answer to the question would be, I need the trophy more than I want it.
It's just an old trophy that provides nothing but just some awful dust.
Just some dust that leads to a massive mess.
A mess that you just can't clean up with a broom or even a vacuum because the stain refuses to go away and it will stay there, permanently forever.
I don't want the trophy, but at the same time, the feeling of actually owning it feeds my empty soul.
The sight of the trophy used to give me shivers.
The sight of the trophy used to make me wander around, endlessly.
The sight of the trophy made me sick.
The thophy made me less of a human.
Don't worry, the trophy is not mine to be kept.

and I am officially 20.

How should I feel now that I am no longer a teen and has reached 20 years old?

he never fails to cheer me up on my birthday ;)
love you so much adam stoya.

Group photo, as usual.
Haha.

still,

Aliyah, who is always with me, through everything, even though she is miles away in Bangi.
I LOVE YOU!

and

and and and


so yeah, happy 20th birthday jasmin anis.

*sorry guys for bailing out on you guys during the FAR 400.*

thank youuuu for all the wishes!

aihh, gambar gambar sekarang kena tapis dahulu sebelum masuk facebook kerana ibu terchenta sedang active di facebook.

stupidity is a choice.

Yes, it is. I've been through situations where I should fight for it but I choose to stay calm because I know that in the long run the truth will prevail. But it puts me on a bad mood when my best friend has to go through what I went through because of the same person. The same cunning person. I guess they say once a hoe bag, always a hoe bag. Don't hurt my friend will ya? Pick some one from your own league. But then again, bad things do happen to nice people.

What doesn't kill you, will only make you stronger right.

All I am saying is, dear Mr ;U pls take care of your Mrs ;U before she goes around, spreading her love around to some other unnecessary people. TAKE CARE =)

I don't hate you for hurting me, but I hate you for hating others. GOD, I hate you girl, so much and I know that you are loving this. But pls, don't hurt my friend.

Shah Alam-ers.

Hello Muya, Hello Golo,
dia pon nak jugak, si muya ni. haha. she sent us all some love from Istana to Beril.
we miss you too, muya stoya.
haha.

i should be studying now.
there's a quiz on cash flow for far 400
but blogging seems to be more tempting rather than some factual books
on operating, financing and investing activities for some companies.
Beyonce cancelled her ' I am...' tour in Malaysia.
Thanks B.
Told ya, you will always ruin my life ;)
Aihh, now i have to find some other activities before finals start.
Damai la jawabnyeeee.
hehehe.
WQE 8008, let's go!

finals are already starting next week but then,
why tak insaf lagi niiii??!
i know i am not eager to learn about anything right now.
hmm.

i should get my lazy ass back to my books
or
bed?

It's okay.

She said it's okay.

I said it's not.

After a while, I think I am finally okay with it.

I am now okay, with the fact that I have three names in my list now, rather than just two like before.

She said it's okay.

I said it's not.

The third one is lame but I still do like it. They don't like the third one.

I know and that's why I said, it's not okay.

But last night, she said that it's okay.

I am big enough to decide.

Okay, I still do like the third one.......or more?

ps : we're having a good laugh watching our French movie. IT IS SOOOO DAMN FUNNYYYY!

Proudest Moment

Dear Mama & Papa,

Thank you for coming to my convocation. I hope I have made you proud with my achievement *cewah* but please don't expect the same for my bachelor. The papers are wayyy too hard and different. My brain has its limitation and diploma is the most that I can go. Haha. I will try but I am not promising you anything. Thank you for providing me with everything that I need from the day that I enrolled in Uitm till now. Wah wah wah dah mcm thank you speech plak. Hehe. All I want to say is thank you for listening to all my complaints, thank you for the car, thank you for the unlimited cash flowing into my bank accounts, thank you for letting me go to London to release my stress during my fast track years, thank you for not complaining with the fact that I complained too much. Hehe.

Thank you for the flowers and balloon,
even though you wanted it to be a surprise but bibik blew it away.
I love you both so much and sometimes, too much.

''Mama tak nak datang the next time if takde selempang tu''
Motherrrrrrr, PLS LA.

ps: GUYS, we have truly made it right at the moment they declared that we are now UITM's alumni. HAHA. buat rasa dah tua jaaa!
congratulations ;)

Happy y'all

Happy Graduation to all. Hehe. Ni gambar testing je. Tmoro, after the real event, I'll post the real pictures. Haha. God, who would have thought we'd made it through those 2 years of hell? But we did guys. Congratulations to all! Let's work hard for our degree. I know I have to study hard now coz I am failing every subject now. I mean, failing as in FAILED! haha. Happy Graduation, again especially to those un New Zealand, Australia, and United Kingdom!

btw, we need to bring safety pins and perhaps some hair clips for the mortar board, is it that how we spell the graduation hat? haha. anyways, my evil friends said that OBVIOUSLY my hair didnt need neither the safety pins nor the hair clips, because oh well. the mortar board fits perfectly with the volume of my hair. haha. fineeeeee, i think my hair is pretty. HAHA. ayat cover. i think my hair is unique. OBVIOUSLY! *should i go and rebond it?!!!* take that as a rethorical question coz the answer will be NON!* hehe.

toodles people. see you tomoro. my number for tmoro is 422. pfttttt. 4 and 2, both are my lucky numbers. hehe.

Diwali!

ohh, reading back my previous post. I forgot to mention, ALL MY HOUSEMATES were in the house during the robbery time. Now, we are all living in danger. I am scared.

Anyways, Happy Deepavali to all. We are celebrating our Deepavali at my aunty's house with a surprose party for mom!

Different Continents

Just like as if we're having pillow talk late at nights. Haha but minus the pillows. Hehe. I miss you, Hannah. Duhh, feels like my blog is turning into a blog that expresses love towards girls more than towards guys. HAHAHA. I am still straight. Definitely STRAIGHT!

Moving on with a much serious topic, somebody tried to rob our house at 1.15pm in the afternoon!!!! afternoon okayy. sapa yang gila nak merompak rumah tengah tengah hari and the stupid guy who looked like a drug addict gave me the excuse of looking for ENCIK ROSLI who promised him to pay for his car and I was being so extremely stupid believed him when he said he was looking for ENCIK ROSLI, which by the way I think, doesn't even exist in this holy earth! Pardon my stupidity, I slept at around 5am that morning finishing up my PSA assignment. One more thing is, my mom has taught me not to be skeptical towards others. Hehe. But I know, I should have been more clever and less stupider. Haha. BUT BUT BUT, that guy was holding a knife, or at least some sort of like a pocket knife. Tak kan nak acah acah cakap macam 'HAA, NAK MENCURI EH!!!' All I did was asked him nicely, ' Buat apa ni bang? Cari sapa? ' and he answered me nicely ' Haa, nak cari Rosli' HAHAHA okay. very stupid of me.

But here's the climax of the story. He wished me Selamat Hari Raya and shook my hand, with not much sincerity. HAHA. Haihhh, pencuri zaman sekarang. I wonder what will happen if he really did go into the house since he's got a knife with him.

Moral of the story, pls save the Police phone number with you at all times. I went to do a report and the police gave me their hotline,03-55103022. Jot down people. You may need this, just incase cause in my case, it happened on a normal Friday afternoon, at 1.15pm.

Arrrrrr, I should sleep now. It has been a few days full of tests, quizzes and assignments. I miss having study week. At least, I can plan my study sessions with all my friends and we can go to McDonalds to study at night till dawn and take crazy pictures. I miss seeing (,'') at 4am in the morning holding coffee wearing a balck tee while holding those thick books that makes him look super smart. HAHA.

haha, i better go to sleep or at least finish up my MGT's post mortem report. suddenly I feel like having toasted butterscotch laaaaaaaaaa. Adios amigos! Jom sambung gossip Hannah. HEHE. Bon, Bon, Bon!

PSA stands for Personal Secret Aid.

Spongebob : What do you usually do when I am gone ?
Patrick : Wait for you to come back.

Sometimes I feel like shaking you

Beware of thoughts that came in late at nights,
it might just come true.

Sometimes, its better to assume that everything is just plainly grey

I thought you opened a new chapter but all you did was turned to the next page and started writing again.

The pressure is up again but I dont wanna get in it just for the sake of being in it.

Some of them were fine but none of them were you

Don't try to interpret.
You might just hurt yourself.

See the reason why I wanna marry Kutcher :

"Happy anniversary @mrskutcher I'm not sure why we keep track of years in relation 2 an infinite love. But tradition wins 2day."

satu juta - kosong

Let us look things on the bright side, shall we?

There will be a graduation thingy for the Faculty of Accountancy to honour those students who got Dean's List for last semester, this wednesday and I hope that I can make it, considering that this is the first time the Faculty Of Accountancy is doing such thing. Oh yeah, I have French Test on that day and the lecturer wants to reschedule our test on Thursday with the Law Students * YEY! but there goes my chances of copying with the other students and so now, I have to really study for French yea.. je ne comprend pas * haha. crap......

Mata kabur jap sambil tulis ni sbb ada alien. haha.

We have lots of tests coming up but looking on the bright side of it, at least, this semester is coming to an end right?

Finals are coming up and at least, this semester is coming to an end kan? haha. Repetitive.

You are providing me with much entertainment right and my friends are now agreeing with me. Ku bilang kacau. Kau bilang tidak.

Beyonce, aihh, beyonce. If let say, Beyonce cancelled her concert her in Malaysia, I think, all 16 of us, in Block A 209 will be furious and will look for you, B!

Oh yeah, my Diploma Convocation is on this monday, the 19th. Everyone keeps on saying 'Eh cepatnye dah convo' and tak larat nak explain. 'A'ah buat fast track. Diploma 2 tahun'

What else?

My Sex Ed presentation went well up until someone asked me about vaginal ring, which by the way was a question that I prepared my self and then, at the moment where I was supposed to answer, I forgot. All I could say was, 'It looks like a rubber band but bigger and and and you insert it into your urm, urm, urm ' HAHAHA

and everyone made an icky face. haha. I dont know how else to explain it but shakie made a face like ' Haa, pandai pilik tajuk ni, jawab laa ape laagiii' hahah. Looking at the bright side, I am done with BEL for the semester. BEL for those who don't know, is an irritating subject that must be taken for most of the semester, especially for us, Accountancy Students.

I am really looking at the bright side of things.

dah sampai satu juta -kosong dah.
it's not the stomach,
it's not the hair,
it's not the body,
it's not the princess part,
but
it's the part where I should be irritated most and yet, I am not.
but my friends are.
hehe.
nak test power bole,
but find a person that is at par with you,
which I am not.
I am way up high, in a different league.
I'm in League A,
You're in League C-,
which means that,
You failed.
HEHE.

ahhh, post ni mengarot.
ada kotak kosong kat sni.
sapa2 nak isikan dgn something?