Plans Change

Turns out my in-laws (who have been staying with us since June 17th) will be staying longer...till August, in fact. Which is fine (we all get along well) and generally fun (especially for the kids), though it means the diet, etc. will all be put on hold for another ten days (pretty hard to quit drinking the beer when they want to tour the local breweries...of which there are many 'round these parts). 

The reason they're staying isn't quite as fine or fun, however: my wife's brother and his family and in-laws have all contracted the COVID. Which is, frankly, horrific and tragically, tragically stupid (most of them, including his wife's aged parents had the chance to get vaccinated, and passed for...reasons). But there's a lot of stupid in Mexico (just as there is up here)...difference is, our government, provides a lot more infrastructure and support for folks (not enough but, hey, people hate paying taxes, right? Plus we have to fund this freedom-saving war machine of ours...) that Mexico simply can't...or won't...provide.

So, we'll see what happens. In the meantime, we're keeping my wife's parents here while my brother-in-law disinfects their house (that he and his wife were watching). *sigh* 

Now, if y'all will excuse me, I'm going to work on my submission for Prince's "No ArtPunk" adventure contest. The thing is due by the end of August and I've still got a lot of writing to do (not to mention drawing the map). I was just thinking about it this morning while brewing coffee and have decided I probably need more half-orcs than originally anticipated...at least two more. Can half-orc assassins be disguised as elven captives? Does that really make sense (i.e. would it fool anyone?)? I guess, by the PHB rules it should...even if they were disguised as elf maiden clerics individual PCs would only have an 8% chance to see through the deception. And if they're female half-orcs, why, that chance drops to 6%. Mm. Who needs dopplegangers in a world of Faceless Men?

Later, gators.

League Updates (BB)

We're a quarter done with the NFL season and despite the Tennessee Titans fiasco and the general state of our post-Covid world, things are progressing more-or-less "business as normal." Yeah, both scoring and injuries have proliferated throughout the League, but the usual suspects are still the usual suspects (as relates to Blood Bowl), and if reality starts to emulate fantasy more than ever...well, that's just par for the course in a surreal 2020.

In our own League (previously called the Beagles & Beers BB League), we have likewise adopted some "Covid protocols." Rather than reworking/rewriting the fan/gate/stadium rules, we've punted the issue: no fans allowed (this ain't no Florida). Likewise, our season has been shortened (8-10 games) and the lack of a "preseason" has resulted in an absence of team re-rolls (again punting on a sticky issue in the 2E rules). Will we have extra teams in the playoffs as the NFL has chosen to do? Maybe...but right now we're limiting inter-conference play to NIL, meaning we may not even worry about anything beyond the conference championship.

The kid set up this display the other day for
"show and share;" at least half
a dozen teams are still in their boxes. At least.

With regard to the NFL, I don't see many updates needed from my previous analysis. Adding dark elf Tom Brady to the Buccaneers doesn't make Tampa Bay any less of a chaos dwarf team. Yes, the Eagles have been breaking like skaven, but I'll not going back on my prior update: humans break, too. As do dwarves (sorry San Fran)...I found that out to my chagrin, as a string of bad rolls (well, good for my opponent) saw the wood elves put a third of my dwarf team in the casualty box. Here are the modifications to my team picks that I might consider:

Buffalo is FINALLY looking "human" again. They broke me down over 20+ years to make me change to hobbit...could a human team really be that bad for that long? No...but they could be exceptionally mediocre which, in the NFL, amounts to about the same thing. Took my son a while to learn how to win with a human team, but he's gotten much more competitive...I can see how a team with 10 coaches over 20 years might have similar "growing pains."

Jaguars as Amazons: not a modification, but rather a confirmation. Ever since (former WSU QB) Gardner Minshew was given the reins of the offense, I've been following the Jags and pulling for them in the AFC South. Unfortunately, they are suffering from the same frustratingly slow development one sees in the Amazons. Such great potential...but so slow and easily broken before they can get "geared up." Still, I have great hopes for Minshew down the line.

Hairy (and quick) feet.

Cardinals they're halflings dammit, they just are. Larry Fitzgerald isn't a ghoul...he's a long-lived high elf that the hobbits somehow lucked into. The Cards are, in fact, a version of the traditional 2E "mixed teams:" an amalgamation of several disparate player types all looking for a land of eternal sunshine. Halfling is their "base" type...I don't know why I allow flash in the pan seasons to sway my long-held opinions developed over years of evidence. Yes, Kyler Murray is awesome. He is also smaller than Russell Wilson. That makes him a hobbit. Hobbit, hobbit, hobbit.

An immortal...with
great hair.

The Tennessee Titans are still goblins...now more than ever. They're  just goblins with the 'Rona. In the fantasy world we'd probably substitute an outbreak of Nurgle's Rot due to a particularly nasty match with a Plague team. However, the Saints don't even play in the same conference...heck, the Titans aren't even playing the NFC South this year. Tennessee bumbled into its own pestilence here.  Bunch of diseased goblins.

Panthers: still at a loss for how to typecast this team. Still. Cam Newton's gone (as is Riverboat Ron) but they still have Bridgewater doing designed run plays? What is THAT all about? Strong running game, I guess...DeShaun Foster, DeAngelo Williams, Jonathan Steward, Christian McCaffrey. But Steve Smith? Maybe he's the odd duck of the team. Dwarves? No, too big. Cam is too big. Orcs? Maybe. Yeah, maybe. Smith as a goblin. Newton as a blitzer with a great arm. Yeah, I'm strongly thinking orc at the moment, especially considering some of their past defenses. Greg Olsen (now a Seahawk) as a really fast lineorc; sure, it fits. All right...orc it is.

Everything else stays the same. 

; )

Channeling My Inner Nurgle

I'm about 30 pages into my 64 page campaign book for B/X which means I'm a bit ahead of schedule, considering my personal deadline of March 29th. Of course, I haven't nearly the talent or confidence in my own artwork as some of the participants, so who knows how long it will take me to get illustrations drawn and scanned...this thing might be one ugly, ugly book when all's said and done.

Which is fine, actually. I need something easy-shmeezy, something I'm not too terribly invested in, to try this whole illustration experiment. Waiting on art (whether paid or volunteer) is probably my least favorite part of self-publishing...it is, in fact, the main reason Cry Dark Future wasn't published upon completion (though I'm somewhat glad in retrospect...waiting gave me time to see I wasn't tremendously pleased with certain aspects of the book. Don't worry...it'll be out there someday).

B/X is very "easy-shmeezy." Especially for doing a knock-off / adaptation fantasy setting, it's incredibly comprehensive in scope. Which is to say: it doesn't need much more than "re-skinning" to make something that feels "new," yet doesn't break the system. The scaling between spell levels is pretty accurate (with the exception of sleep), and pretty easy to follow, for example...you can color hold person into any sort of "non-death-target-elimination" spell, and level it up or down depending on changes in range, save, and number/specificity of creatures affected. That's a real plus, and nice when you're tasked with adding 40-50 setting-specific spells to the game.

Right now, I'm considering how I want to handle a particular magical disease. B/X has four different forms of contagion hardwired into their rules (not counting green slime):

• "Hideous wasting disease:" Causes -2 penalty to attack rolls, prevents magical curing, and doubles natural healing time. Illness is fatal in 2D12 days. Contracted by cause disease spell and failed saving throw. Treated by cure disease (explicit).
• Lycanthropy: changes victim into a were-creature after 2D12 days. Contracted via severe HP loss (>half) to wear creature. Treated by "a high-level cleric (11th level or higher...)."
• Mummy "rot:" prevents magical healing and wounds require 10 times as long to heal. Contracted via damage from mummy. Treated by "magical curing" (though unclear how as rot prevents magical healing).
• Rats (any size): one-in-four chance of death in D6 days; otherwise, bedridden for one month. Contracted via rat bite (1 in 20 chance per bite) plus failed save versus poison. Treated by cure disease spell or bed rest.

That's not a bad spread, though it's interesting that the spell cure disease is only explicitly useful for half of the system-specified illness. In the campaign setting I'm writing, cure disease should be much more useful (there's more than a few disease spreading monsters and magic items), but I'm wondering if I shouldn't be creating my own form of infection rather than simply "re-skinning" the stuff listed.

Nurgle's Rot is a fairly iconic piece of (dark) fantasy gaming; from the Warhammer universe, you can find its page long description in GW's 1990 book, The Lost and the Damned:

Nurgles Rot, often known simply as the Rot, is a terrible contagious disease which affects the victim's mortal body and his shadow-self or spirit. A person who dies from Nurgles Rot is turned into a Plaguebearer and becomes a servant of Nurgle himself. Nurgles Rot epitomizes the core of Nurgle's ethos: suffering and overcoming suffering by great bravery and resolve. Those who contract the Rot often slay themselves in reckless battle, hoping to die quickly and cleanly and by this means to avoid becoming a Plaguebearer.

A plaguebearer is a lesser, humanoid demon of the Chaos god Nurgle. The text states it takes "several months" for the Rot to kill its victim; mechanically, this is modeled by each battle on the tabletop slightly altering the profile of the victim. After participating in seven battles, the victim dies, birthing a new plaguebearer. Oh, yeah...and the Rot "cannot be cured or its progress halted in any way."

[apologies if the original (1986) WFRPG has a description of Nurgle's Rot; I know there is a sample scenario that includes a champion of Nurgle in the book, as well as a number of descibed illnesses; however, I don't have my copy with me in Paraguay]

Typical plaguebearer. No, I didn't draw this.

Tempting as it is to include an incredibly contagious magical disease that cannot be cured and that gradually transforms its victim into a demon, I don't think that's what I want to do. After all, it's hard to see how such a plague wouldn't wipe out the entirety of the planet's population...imagine a "zombie apocalypse" in which the zombie were immune to non-magical weapons. That's a pretty shitty scenario any way you look at it (and the focus of the campaign is NOT some sort of D&D World War Z).

No, it doesn't really sound fun...though I like the idea of contagion. And I like the idea of gradual decrepitude...of individual's being diminished over time. However, it would have to be pretty fast-acting to have any impact on gameplay, seeing as how PCs have fairly easy access to magical curing (cure disease is available to any cleric beginning at 6th level).

Anyhoo, that's what's on my mind this morning.
: )

Playoff Football, Baby

Since the NFL realignment of 2002 (12 seasons and counting), there have been 114 home playoff games played. Eight of the NFL’s 32 teams (one-quarter) have hosted five or more playoff games, and of those eight teams the Seattle Seahawks have the best record: five of six (.833) with the single loss coming in 2004, their first playoff game in their current (then new) stadium.

This year, the Seahawks’ record ensures that all their playoff games will be played in Seattle. The teams that remain alive in the NFC play-offs – the Panthers, the Niners, the Saints – have all been beaten by the ‘Hawks this season. New Orleans, the team they play this weekend, was blown out in Seattle just last month…and while Drew Brees and the Saints have proven they can win on the road in the playoffs, they face a rested Seattle team after an emotional, physical road win in Philadelphia.

Now this doesn’t mean the Seahawks’s path to the Super Bowl is clear, nor easy. Brees and the Saints have won in Seattle in the past…in October of 2007, in fact, on the Seahawks’ road to their fourth straight division title (since the realignment gave the NFL its current structure and roster of teams, only three teams have seen more post-seasons than Seattle: the Colts, the Patriots, and the Packers...just FYI). Brees and head coach Sean Payton are no strangers to the Seattle waaagh both in and out of the playoff setting…a difficult challenge, certainly, but not a surprising one for a veteran team.

Can the orks once more pummel the Nurgle team into a gooey pulp?

We’ll see. Marshawn Lynch can trigger “Beast Quakes,” but Jimmy Graham IS a beast…a Beast of Nurgle in Blood Bowl terms, though an extremely fast and agile one that few players can bring themselves to guard or tackle. In the December game, he was excellently shadowed by dauntless lineork KJ Wright…but Wright broke his foot in the ‘Hawks December battle versus the Niners and will be unavailable till the NFC championship round at the earliest…assuming the Seahawks can get past New Orleans.

If I was a betting man, I’d still put my money on the orks, because A) I’m a huge-ass homer (duh), and B) because it’s the smart money. Brees is a Hall of Famer, but the Seahawks are the better team.

I know, I know…few enough of my readers care about football at all, fewer still are still watching with any interest (perhaps because they still have a team left in the race to root for), and even fewer dig the Blood Bowl. Sorry, folks...I’ll talk about the nuttiness of the latest Hobbit movie in another post.

Playoff football, baby. When your team’s in the mix, it’s just about the best time of year.

Up until you lose, of course. My wife reminded me the other day (in conversation, with other people) of my general demeanor after the Super Bowl loss of 2005. That year, we felt like Seattle was a dominant, can’t-lose team…and then we lost to a sixth seed wild card team and a second year QB who appears descended from the mercenary Swiss pikemen of two hundred years ago.

It hurts to lose. It hurts to lose most everything…though the degree of hurt is generally commensurate with the thing lost. With regard to the entertaining pastime of football, losing a game in the regular season is disappointing, losing at home is rough, and losing one’s chance to advance to (or through) the playoffs can be devastating….assuming the rest of your life is in order. I’m sure there are Bengals fans that were immensely disappointed after their team’s loss to the “barely in” Chargers…and yet even the most diehard fan would be terribly disinterested in the game result if they were facing the loss of their home to an unpaid mortgage, or the tragedy of a loved one dying from cancer before their time.

I myself am in a fortunate position of “things are going well at the moment” so I can spare the emotional energy to get worked up about the home team. And I want to win…a lot. I want to win a lot more than I want to lose. I want to win convincingly. I want to win easily.

I’m as superstitious as any other sports fan. Superstition would generally say keep your expectations low, approach the game with humility, hope for the best, don’t “tempt the football gods.” But I know there are fans on both sides of the fence that shoot their mouths off, just begging for negative (football-related) karma…and we can’t both lose the match. So I’m done worrying about it. I want to kick some ass. And I think the circumstances are good enough that the better team (i.e. the Seahawks) should kick asses of the Saints, on both sides of the ball.

Here come the Rotters.

How do orks generally fare against Nurgle teams? Pretty good, usually. Like all Chaos teams, the mutations available to a Nurgle team can make them versatile and specialized with the right combos, but the right combos (like NFL wins) are never guaranteed. Without those advantages, the default is a slow, stompy team that infects injured opponents with The Rot, bringing other team’s players into the warm, slimy embrace of Grandfather Nurgle.

However, the orks are some serious tough buggers, making them less likely to be injured than most other teams (except with a string of bad luck, which sometimes happens). Because of this toughness and their natural versatility (they can acquire a wider range of skills than the Nurgle team) they tend to be more balanced than Nurgle and thus able to out-play plague teams.  Plus, depending on which version of Nurgle you’re using (there have been several different ones over the years), the players tend to be slower and weaker than a “normal” Chaos team, making them a team the orks can rough up pretty good.

People may think I’m disrespecting the Saints by comparing them to or by representing them with a Nurgle team, but the truth is I’m a HUGE fan of Chaos teams, especially Nurgle. My collection of Warhammer 40K minis is far more extensive than my Blood Bowl collection, and my Nurgle army is second only to my Khorne dedicated army in number, including some of my most expensive pieces (including a 4^th edition Chaos dreadnought and Chaos landraider)...and almost all have been customized/modified with extensive putty-work (“greenstuff”). My Nurgle BB team is unfinished only because…well, mainly because my painting/modeling hobby has been put on indefinite hiatus (probably till my children are teenagers and/or older). I like teams that stomp the hell out of opponents and convert them to their own, and who aren’t as fragile around the edges as skeletons and the undead…and Nurgle’s “fluff” is some of the best GW has to offer.

Sean Payton: Offensive Guru, Sorcerer

The Saints are a good team…that’s why they’re Nurgle and not, say, halflings or hobgoblins (that’s the Jets and the Browns respectively…*ahem*). They take prime players from other teams…like Brees and Darren Sproles…and make them starters on their own. Stylistically, they’ve got that bayou swamp-voodoo-thang going on (which totally shrieks ‘Nurgle cultist hideout’) and I usually equate “dome teams” with the darker, Chaos-oriented teams in BB (Skaven, Dark Elf, etc.). And Mardi Gras is, of course, an annual Chaos ritual of epic proportions.

But being a “good” team isn’t going to be enough to knock the Seahawks out of the playoffs in their own stadium. Good enough to beat the high elves, sure (i.e. the Philly Eagles…you have to know the BB fluff regarding high elves to see the parallels with the “City of Brotherly Love”) but not nearly what they’ll need to stop the Seahawks, especially with second-string beastmen in the backfield. It isn’t like the ‘Hawks forced three or four interceptions when they hosted New Orleans in December; the Saints coughed up the ball exactly once. Instead, they were simply manhandled by Seattle for the majority of the game…both offensively and defensively. I’m hoping to see something similar when the two teams play again this Saturday.

If only so I can continue the dream another weekend of playoff football.

; )

Who Dat? Not as scary in our neck o the woods.