Holy Toledo!

Yes, I am still in Spain.

For the most part, I am loving it, though I will be back stateside soon enough (i.e. in roughly two to three days). I'm sure you folks can wait THAT long. Jeez!

While I've had internet access for the last couple-couple, I've been mainly too busy sightseeing or too exhausted (from sightseeing) to bother blogging. Also, it sure would have been smart if I'd bothered to bring a cable for uploading photos from the cam to the blog, 'cause I'm sure I'd have plenty to say when one considers the mishmash of cultures and multi-thousand year history of this incredible country. Pretty f'ing fantastic.

Right now, I'm in the city of Toledo, the main city I wanted to see on our trip (though the Basque country was a lot of fun and Granada and Madrid were nice as well...all right, as I said, everything has been cool. Though I would strongly recommend NOT driving in Granada. No! NOOOoooo!!). Toledo, not to be confused with the city in Ohio that bears its name (they even have a street here named after Toledo, Ohio)...TOLEDO, the REAL Toledo is about 2500 years old, and was the capital of Spain until Phillip the Dos (that's "II") decided he'd rather move the political seat of the country to a little village called Madrid in 1561.

I'm not sure what's more impressive...that Madrid will be celebrating its 450th birthday next year (only about twice as old as the United States) or that the original capital has more than 2000 on THAT. Well, actually, that's a lie...I DO know which is more impressive to moi.

Anyway, MY reasons for wanting to go to Toledo were a little more...um..."base" than simply wanting to soak up the beautiful architecture, history, and cultural gumbo (Islam, Catholicism, and Judaism have been peacefully coexisting in Toledo for several centuries). Nope, all that is great, marvelous in fact. But I came here for the swords.

I can remember the first time I handled a replica katana in some Seattle cutlery shop, more than 20 years ago, and naively asking where in Japan it had been made. "Spain," was the reply. I was told there weren't any swords being forged in Japan (at least not for export) and the only real blades still being commercially manufactured THESE days (this would have been the late 80s) were being forged in Spain.

Now, of course, there are plenty of replica artisans all over the world. Ahh, the magic of the internet which allows hack writers like myself to self-publish all over the world...and hobbyist sword-makers to manufacture all sorts of edged goodies for a profit.

But still, there's a difference between buying an "authentic Scottish claymore" hand-forged locally from your neighborhood Renaissance fair, and picking up some real Spanish steel in the world's sword-making capital. Or maybe there ISN'T a difference...except in MY mind.

But you know me...I'm kind of "old school," like that.

So, anyway, Toledo. I heard that swords were big in this town...hell, in the whole country for that matter, and yeah, it appears to be true. Even up North in the Basque region, the wedding we went to featured sword salutes and sword dancing (outside the church) not to mention a big-ass broadsword being used to cut the wedding cake. And yes, there's plenty of sword history in the country (what with the violence of the Reconquista and Crusades). But Toledo?

This town is something else entirely.

Now, of course I should note that Toledo isn't just the "place of swords." It's really the "place of swords and marzipan." You know, that sweet almond-paste candy? Apparently it was invented here. There are nearly as many shops selling marzipan as selling swords...which is a good thing, since my wife is far more interested in the tasty confections than the edged bad-ness. But pretty much EVERY shop, EXCEPT the confectioners sell swords.

Every shop. Like every single window has a prominent rack of blades of all types, styles, designs, and craziness. For a sword enthusiast, this place is hog heaven.

Moreso...I've actually become a bit jaded to the whole experience. The place is also a Mecca (no pun intended) for tourists and history buffs (duh) and the place must sell more swords than...

Well, shit. Than anywhere in the world. I mean supply and demand right? Could these businesses stay in business without moving all this inventory? Come on!

Every time I turn a corner (and like Venice, this place is filled with medieval, winding streets...all old, all stone, though thankfully all marked) I half-expect to see a pair of tourists, duking it out with replica swords like some Highlander-style alley fight. I mean, what else could they be used for? Is there some type of underground, Toledo duelist club (Spain's answer to Fight Club?) that I'm not privy to? If so, they must be doing it somewhere well concealed...the main thing I see cruising the streets at night are young people in tiny cars, blasting loud dance music and looking for a party. That particular scene is no longer my thang, but honest-to-God fencing in the streets of historic Toledo? I have to admit, the idea holds a certain appeal as I find myself approaching middle age.

Too much D&D I suppose.

; )

Anyway, I did buy a sword today...much as I would have liked to forge my own (I've read too many books as well), I did get an excellent piece from a real Toledo sword-smith...a 4th generation hombre who's been forging for 40 years and works out of a shop more than three times that old (we got to tour the shop...it looked like your average extremely crowded garage plus forge, work tables, and stacks upon stacks of half-finished pieces). Much as it would have been nice to pick up a cruciform broad sword or bell-guarded rapier, I settled on a tasty small-sword...all hand-crafted, even the quillons (several of his commercial pieces incorporated molded pieces into the hilt as a means of expedience). It's simple and elegant, and the blade is supple enough the espadero could bend it at a 90 degree angle without snapping it, the whole flexing swiftly back into its original position. Ugh! It's so beautiful and so completely impractical (I certainly hope never to poke someone with it!) that I'm really at a loss for words. As with other parts of this trip, the thought of it just fills me with...well...with a lot of feeling.

Fortunately, it was in my price range (it wasn't made with meteoritic iron after all!), and my wife and I both knew there was a very good chance I'd purchase a sword in Toledo (I never did have much of a poker face). Wow...I can only hope it clears customs so I can unwrap it and revel in its shininess...right now, it is boxed and taped and it ain't coming out till we get back to Sea-town. Hopefully, no fat tourist in the midst of a mid-life crisis slaps me with his glove while I'm prowling the city, looking for a churro (the wife is already stocked-up on the marzipan).

However, if some deathwish-craving Yankee DOES hit me up for a duel, I'm sure I'll be able to pop into whatever shop I happen to be browsing, and nip back out, blade in hand. I mean, really, it is THAT easy in Toledo. I kid thee not...every single block. There are enough armas blancas in this town...replica AND authentic...to arm every single tourist and stage a mass battle scene that would put Nightwatch to shame. Maybe not enough claymores to do Braveheart...but I wasn't a huge fan of that flick anyway.

All right, all right. That's enough for now. I've got another 48 hours or so "in country" and I need to spend some of it sleeping. Adios, amigos! Nos vemos!

: )

There Can Be Only One (Hit Point Remaining)

Caught the end of the classic film, Highlander, on AMC the other day (man, I love that high def…I’ve seen this flick dozens of times, but can’t remember the last time the picture was so sweet!).

Anyhoo, me being me and thinking in terms of what I’ve been thinking lately (i.e. “with regard to D&D of the B/X variety”), I couldn’t help but try to fit that final sword-swinging confrontation in terms of abstract combat.

As I’ve written before, D&D “is what it is.” You roll a D20 to see if your attack does damage, then you roll another die or dice to see how much damage you inflict should the attack succeed. Armor reduces the probability that one will take damage at all, “armor class” being a reflection not only of the armor’s inherent damage reducing capacity, but also accounting for the use of that armor in defense of one’s person (i.e. chain mail is not 10% more durable than leather armor, but a guy in leather is much more maneuverable than a guy in full mail, and the net gain for wearing chain is only 10%).

However, armor IS the main way of mitigating damage in D&D (by detracting from one’s to hit roll)…and these characters in the Highlander movie aren’t wearing ANY. Hell, you’d think they at least consider sporting a gorget, right?

[side note: would an enchanted gorget be proof against a vorpal blade? Something to consider as a miscellaneous item for my B/X Companion]

Since both the Highlander and the Kurgan would be (in D&D terms) high level fighters (based on their centuries of “adventuring experience”), they will probably be hitting (i.e. doing damage) every round against their AC 9 (B/X remember?) foe. Not to mention falling damage, possibly electrical damage, etc. Hell, how many hit points do these guys have?

Yes, I realize that comparing a FILM to an RPG is comparing apples to oranges…these are two different artistic mediums and they do NOT need to translate directly from one to another. However, combat being such an important component of D&D, one (me) would certainly like to model these cinematic sword fights in D&D.

But how does one accomplish this when the system is not set up to do so?

I watch our two protagonists beat and beat and beat at each other’s blades as they move back and forth through a darkened warehouse. Even with, say, a -2 penalty in the gloom, these guys are only going to need 4s or so to hit each other. Heck that’s easier than Palladium melee…and B/X D&D doesn’t have rules for parrying or fighting defensively.

And then of course I realize…these guys are immortal!

Now it all makes perfect sense! If I hadn’t started watching the movie from the rooftop battle, I probably would have remembered this sooner. Who needs armor when one can heal from most any wound? Assuming they’re regenerating at least 3-4 hit points per round (which would seem to be about right), they could certainly be absorbing the average (or majority of the average) damage every round. And hit points being an abstract measure of one’s “to kill” factor, the one or two points of “fatigue” getting through would simply be the beating that they’re taking on their blades. Can they continue to grip those swords, yes or no?

Now of course, the real question is: how does the weaker Highlander overcome the stronger Kurgan? And the answer of course is: cinematic license. Um…that is to say, he has "more heart."

But in D&D, one doesn’t have a rule system for “heart.” Oh, I suppose a benevolent DM with a story-minded attitude might confer a +1 circumstance bonus to the character fighting for the life of his lover, but I would think that, in general, both opponents are impassioned enough about the situation (the final confrontation), that all such bonuses would be evened out.

Assuming that both are the equivalent of 36th level fighters (the human maximum) and have a similar amount of hit points, have weapons that do similar average damage, and regenerate at the same rate, then it would be a flip of the coin (or a roll of initiative) to determine who would end up victorious in the fight. Perhaps the edge would go to the Kurgan (whose strength I’d put at 18 compared to the Highlander’s 13-15) in damage output…depending on the mitigation of their regeneration rate.

EXCEPT THAT: the girl interferes. During the final dual, the Highlander’s novia (I forget her name…Stacey?) whacks the Kurgan with a metal pipe. Now being a cop, Stacey’s got to have some melee training, even if she’s no great shakes compared to the immortals. But she has enough hit points to stand against the Kurgan herself for a round (without being killed). Her interference accomplishes two things:

• It does extra damage to the Kurgan helping to even out any deficit suffered by the Highlander in earlier rounds.
• It distracts the Kurgan enough to give the Highlander an extra round or two of regeneration.
  

These things together are enough to give the Highlander a slight edge over his opponent in terms of hit point attrition. A couple of (lucky) high damage rolls later, and the game is all over save for the Quickening and the Prize.

(there are no special rules for decapitating opponents in D&D…I would assume that once one immortal reaches 0 hit points, the opponent can automatically choose to take his head with the blow…I mean, that’s what they train for after all)

In the end, it IS the Highlander’s “heart” that wins the fight…as he used his (medium range) Charisma and role-playing to pick up a companion NPC that managed to turn the tide in his favor. Hey, but that’s D&D. Quite often the antagonist(s) are stronger than the PCs, and it is only through cooperation and teamwork that they can overcome the “Big Bad.”

Not a bad little mental exercise.

[by the way: I did at one point own Legacy: the Invisible War. I have since sold it back to the game shop where it remains on the “used” game shelf to this day. While not inherently bad, it was inherently “blah,” such that even I could have written similar…and it would NOT model the final fight between Highlander and Kurgan any better than B/X D&D in my opinion]