The Kitchen Sink

AKA Taking a Hard Look at the State of a Project

Just as a quick aside...can I just mention how much I hate the current version of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise? I'd guess that it is now more popular than ever and that it's creators (or whomever they sold out to) is making money hand-over-fist, but...ugh...so gross compared its charming/dark/satirical origins. Just reading through the current version of the origin story and...Splinter was once human? And he mutated into some sort of wererat? How is that an improvement (or even more sensical) than the original story? April is caucasian now (and seems to get younger with every iteration of the franchise). The turtles themselves are incredibly hammy in personality while...

You know what? It really doesn't matter. Really. The only reason I'm even thinking about it is that there's a TMNT coloring book next to me and the tagline along the bottom says: "Mutants Rule!"

[does  such a phrase even make sense to a child of the 21st century? Do kids these days still say things like "that rules!" like my friends and I did in the mid-80s? It seems like the kind of colloquialism that would have gone out of style 20 years ago...but then, I suppose this is something the turtles might say in their faux-surfer/skater slang, like "kowabunga." Does that mean anything to children these days besides "something a turtle says?" Just...gross]

[of course, given a chance my child likes to talk in something resembling "Minion-speak" (see Despicable Me films for reference)...but then he's four and I cut him some slack...even though he knows that three of a kind is better than two pair]

Now, I'd guess that the "Mutants Rule!" line is a throwback reference to the colloquialism of the 80's...even if the children don't grok the meaning (I just asked my son what he thinks that line means...he said he doesn't know because the Turtles don't "rule" anything. Maybe pizza, he suggested...) *ahem* Even If the consumer child doesn't grok the meaning, the current writer/creator of the coloring book/marketing is probably some dude in his late 30's-40's who is referencing it as typical "Turtle Slang." Then again, maybe it's clever tongue-in-cheek...maybe the franchise owners are saying that these particular "Mutants" have "rulership" over the current marketplace for its demographic. 

Just as D&D, regardless of its current flaws continues to "rule" over the RPG marketplace (via name/brand recognition). Regardless of whether or not a particular edition is outsold by Pathfinder, I'd guess most folks playing PF still consider themselves to be "D&D players." I mean, Pathfinder is just D&D 3.5, right? Hasbro could certainly feel a little justified in writing "D&D Rules!" across the bottom of their weighty tomes.

[yes, I realize this "quick aside" is running long...again...sorry]

But what if we cut off "Mutants Rule!" tag-line and divorced it from all this context? What if we just used it for the basis of an RPG, without reference to turtles or toy-lines or snarky marketers? Sounds like a tasty little premise for some post-apocalyptic action, no? It could certainly be worked to fit (with a little effort) into the most recent premise/changes of Cry Dark Future.

[dunh-dunh-dunh...see? I circled back!]

CDF is in a bit of a dark place at the moment. I don't mean that in the sense of tone, but rather like "in the dark." The real future of the game Cry Dark Future is dark, as in obscured. I don't know if this thing is ever going to see the light of day (i.e. "publication").

It doesn't help that I simply can't bring myself to re-open the document.

The thing is, once I started re-vamping it, I realized just how much damn work it needs. No, I'm not talking layout or editing or artwork, though all that is needed, too (and will be a bitch to do, especially the artwork part). No, I'm talking about wholesale revisions and rewrites and pruning of extraneous crap while finding NON-extraneous crap...er, "fluff"...to plug in the holes. The problem is that, right now, the thing is a bit too "kitchen sinky"...but if you pull that sink out, you're going to find ourself standing knee-deep in a flooded cocina. 

[just to take an analogy a bit too far]

The original idea with CDF (for those not in the know) was that it was an attempt to do the Shadowrun game with a B/X chassis. Such a task is a lot easier than one might think...despite its point-buy, skill-based, D6 dice pool system, Shadowrun is just D&D with guns. You're still playing scurrilous rogues operating in parties sporting a mixed bag of different character types that operate outside the local law/authority structure. You're still invading dungeons/installations with objectives to rob/loot and/or make a buck from some shady contact person (wizard in a tavern). You're still fighting "monsters" with weapons, magic, and (hopefully) some sort of cleverness, and upgrading your characters with new gear/equipment. Gunbunnies meet folks who like elves.

Thematically, it's not a very big jump from D&D to Shadowrun...and so tweaking the D&D system to allow the kind of madness found in the cyber-punkish setting of Shadowrun is a piece of easy. It took longer to write it all up then it took to work out the specific system issues (a Shadowrun-style magic system instead of Vance; rules for "decking" and vehicle combat, etc.). In all honesty, the most difficult part was coming up with new names for SR setting-specific features ("filing the numbers off" things like cyberdecks, for example). Even the point-buy system of the 3rd edition was easy to model...after all, D&D's done "point-buy" chargen in the past (see Advanced Player Options for 2nd Edition).

However, play-testing showed CDF still suffered from several problems:

• no really cares much about tracking ammunition ("bullet counting")...and even if they did, that's the kind of thing quickly lost in a fast-paced combat system.
• several character types felt a bit over-powered. The physical adept for sure (actually had to remove this option from the game; didn't make much sense cosmologically either), but any kind of character with "enhanced reflexes" tended to upstage those without in a way that was not-fun for most of the folks at the table.
• even cut down to B/X (cutting almost all skills, for example, and adding random attributes), chargen is slooooow and looooong. When you're dealing with point-buys and (especially) purchasing cyberware (and recording modifications) and 'running gear from a number of lists, making a character can take a session in and of itself. And you really don't want slow chargen when characters are prone to getting killed by hails of bullets and manabolts. Even writing up pre-gen "equipment packages" was little help (takes a long time to copy all that stuff, plus figure out what it means for your PC). Tooooo sloooooow...
• the magic system is a bit of a mess combining elements of Shadowrun and 1st edition Stormbringer while thematically stealing heavily from David Chandler's Ancient Blades Trilogy. And it's too abstract in the spell department.
• the actual setting of the Shadowrun game is just...ugh. Suffice is to say, a person's tastes as an adult of 30-40+ years is different from his tastes as a kid of 13-15 (when I first played the game). And no matter how "mature" you make the content of a game session it's hard to justify a lot of the 'punkisms that, quite frankly, our world has grown beyond.

[which isn't to say that playing an RPG in a dystopian future ain't possible, or even fun. I look at the recent Robocop reboot and Dread films...just to name two...and see how the idea of a terrible future Earth, full of adventure, still holds water. I guess it's just the dwarves and orcs...]

Anyhoo...I've managed to revamp/update...what? four?...yeah, four out of these five issues (the magic one is the main canker still festering...ye Lord, another "new" magic system needed). But doing so has opened a bunch of other worm cans, as the game has moved farther and farther away from its SR-meets-B/X roots. Much more post-apocalyptic now for one thing, but without the mutant superpowers so often found in PA role playing games. 

Still has mutants, though. 'Cause mutants rule, right?

But dread is what I feel every time I think about working on the game. I don't know why. Maybe because I like it (the idea of it) a lot? And I want it to be better? And because better takes a lot of time and work and effort? Maybe. 

Maybe it's because I'm stuck for ideas. Maybe I just don't want to make lazy design choices to expedite the thing's completion (like throwing in a Vancian magic system with an appropriately themed spell list).

Or maybe it's just that the game has so many things now (the kitchen sink, too) and the real issue is that manuscript needs extensive pruning and I don't want to lose so many of my "favorite things" that I worked up, even though they no longer fit in a game that's a bit more than B/X Shadowrun. 

Dread...and distraction. These are my main stumbling blocks at the moment. When I can find the time to do anything (currently after 2:30 in the AM here). All right...enough for now.

Forget Post-Apoc...Let's Talk Ninjas!

Seriously, I don't know if it's because I've been sick this week or what, but I've been feeling...well, kind of low-brow. Like the shit I'm writing is all just drivel compared to the high-falutin' concepts I'm reading around the blog-o-sphere. I try to be intellectual and suave but I can only take the theory-stuff so far...and even though I like to consider myself an elitist pig, it feels like I may not have the goods to back it up.

Case in point: ninjas.

For some odd reason, I've been all about the ninjas this week. Seriously. I'm certain that everyone who reads this blog already knows a thousand-and-one things about these stealthy practitioners of martial arts...the ninja is fairly ubiquitous in gaming these days. Hell, the word "ninja" doesn't even trigger my spellcheck. EVERYONE knows what a ninja is.

But do any of you remember a time BEFORE ninjas?

I do. That is to say, I remember a time before I knew what the F a ninja was.

All those poor shmuck 3rd generation gamers (the ones that came after me) probably can't remember a time before ninjas. TMNT helped flood the world with pizza-eating masters-o-stealth. But TMNT was 1985, and by the time they came around ninjas were already a pretty familiar archetype.

Trying to remember that far back is tough, but I think I've narrowed it down to circa 1982 or '83. By the time Revenge of the Ninja hits the theater, I have a good idea what a ninja is. But in 1981 when I got my first copy of Daredevil (issue #175...no I don't still have it, it took a lot of internet searching to find the familiar illustrations), I made no connection between The Hand, Elektra, shuriken, and ninja. Hell, they might have used the term "ninja" in the comic, and I skimmed right over it (in my defense I was a month shy of my 8th birthday when the comic was published, so the pictures and ass-kicking was much more important than the story).

Also in 1981 I watched much of the television mini-series Shogun (though I may have fallen asleep at some points), and it wasn't until years later that, re-watching it, I said, "shit! there are ninjas in this thing?!"

As an average American kid, I collected action figures, specifically Star Wars, Micronauts, and GI Joe (well, and Strawberry Shortcake, but dammit that's it!)...and my brother had the Snake-Eyes figure long before the character ever was revealed to be a "ninja." Snake-Eyes was first issued in 1982, and at the time was issued as an all black figure to save on paint costs! By 1984 and the Storm Shadow ninja GI Joe (incidentally, probably the last action figure I ever owned), I already knew all about ninja.

I remember the trailers for the 1981 Enter the Ninja only vaguely; I remember the previews for the 1983 Revenge of the Ninja much more (that little kid kicking ass). Being Rated R, I was never allowed to see these films as a youngster...and having watched both, plus American Ninja (1985) all this week, I can fearlessly say I didn't miss much.

[as I said, I've had ninjas on the brain]

If I had to guess, I would say it was probably the trailers for Revenge of the Ninja, later re-readings of that old Daredevil comic, and the 1984 TV series The Master (with Lee Van Cleef!) that provided the bulk of my ninja education. In 1985 I was introduced to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles through the Palladium RPG, and I may well have had my own 1st copy of the game that year, too. I'm pretty sure my buddy Scott was the one who picked up AD&D Oriental Adventures (also 1985), a book I never bothered to purchase and one we never used in any our D&D games. Ever.

And so, we come to my confession: I was never a ninja fan.

Never went out for ninja toys or action figures (the Storm Shadow was a birthday gift from someone), never wanted to play one in an RPG, never created "ninja-like" characters. I only got into martial arts in high school after being cut from the soccer team, and I never studied any oriental weapons...hell, when I went to Japan with a bunch of other 17 year olds, I was one of the few that didn't come back with some katana or nunchuck souvenir.

Not that I didn't have the potential to get my ninja-freak-on. But really, the TMNT game was nigh un-playable (the comics were much more fun to read than the game)...and the ninja-class in Oriental Adventures was just so damn lame. Besides AD&D already has a ninja class...it's called the assassin, right?

Secret society? Stealthy masters of infiltration, spying, disguise, and assassination? Proficient with the manufacture and use of poisons?

The assassin class is the ninja of AD&D...just as the fighter was the samurai and the monk was the...well, the monk. Who needed Oriental Adventures?

Okay, that's enough for tonight. I'm only still up 'cause it's like 90 degrees. But I do have things to do tomorrow.