Pride

5:20am on Tuesday morning. I am up (with coffee in hand); the rest of the household sleeps (except for the loyal beagle). Finally, it's time to write.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Solstice/Father's Day/Juneteenth weekend. I know I did. I am going to tell you about it now:

Saturday was a bit of this, that and the other thing, but we did manage to get into Ravenspire (my re-hashed version of Ravenloft) proper. So far, so good, and I'll write about this later. We should be able to play some more of it today, and I look forward to continuing.

Sunday, on the other hand, was dad's day, and while I would have been happy spending the day running D&D, my family had other plans. Specifically, they ran D&D for me. It went down like this: my son was peppering me with his usual slate of questions over dinner last Friday: what was my favorite AD&D adventure, what was my favorite AD&D character I ever played, what was my favorite character class, etc. He does this kind of thing a lot...asking my opinion on stuff, getting my insight, collecting recollections of my youth...unlike my daughter (she prefers to tell the stories, rather than listen to Pops bather on). However, this particular time he had an ulterior motive: 

Look, Pops, said he, I want to run you through an AD&D adventure for Father's Day, and I want you to use one of your old characters. You pick the module and I'll prep it and run it for you.

[it would seem that my family has finally come around to accepting their father is a Big Fat Nerd. Gifts I was given over a breakfast of biscuits and sausage gravy, which my lovely wife cooked for me (I am the only person in the household that will eat such fare...their loss...so it was a special occasion)...they included a new wallet emblazoned with the Dungeons & Dragons moniker and a 20-sided die and a flat black stocking cap that said "Dungeon Master" across the front. I was truly touched]

Well, I have to say I was pretty darn surprised by this offering. We had just finished discussing my past AD&D characters and the fact that I'd only really ever had ONE (many AD&D characters were rolled up by Yours Truly back in the day, but the vast majority had never seen table play). So it was that I found myself sitting down to play the Tomb of Horrors on Father's Day with a character that I hadn't used in 34 years, with my son acting as a proper AD&D dungeon master. 

...

...never would I have imagined, as a 14 year old, that such an event would ever occur...

We'll get to the game in a moment. We decided on S1: Tomb of Horrors as the adventure for a number of reasons. For one thing, my character was a high level character...whatever adventure got used would have to be in that high level (10-14) range. For another thing, it was short to prep...at 10 pages and a single map, it is one of the shortest classic adventures ever published...and in all honesty I didn't think there was enough time between Friday evening and Sunday for Diego to prep something like Vault of the Drow or Q1 (I know I'd need more time than that!). Finally, Tomb is one of those adventures I've run many times over the years...most recently in 2020 using the original OD&D version...but one that I've never suffered through as a player. As a one-off event using an insanely over-powered character, it seemed like a fine test: would my knowledge of the adventure module allow me to conquer the thing where so many others had failed before? I dug the adventure out of the closet and handed it over to the boy (with strict instructions to not let me read it/re-familiarize myself with it), while I set about doing my own "prep work."

In a dusty folder at the bottom of a pile of dusty folders containing pages collected across decades of RPG play, I have a sheaf of characters from my earliest AD&D campaigns. One goldenrod sheet may be the the earliest AD&D character I ever penned (a dwarf fighter-thief for my brother). And several of the sheets detail various iterations of my character, Landon, from the last long-term campaign in which I played. 

Some of these (the character at 1st level) are hand-written on loose-leaf notebook paper by my dungeon master. Others (later in his career) were printed up on fan-fold dot-matrix printer paper, pages and pages of magic items and "background material" (loves, hates, enemies, allies, etc.) accumulated over years of gaming. I don't usually go through this stuff...I am already painfully nostalgic, and there's a lot of "lost youth" and regret stuff I associate with my old gaming group...but I needed a version of Landon to play in the adventure.

We had decided to run the adventure strictly "by the book" (using only the PHB, DMG, and MM) so the first thing I had to do was clean up the character. Regular readers have heard me expound at length about how my old AD&D group tried to hew as closely to Rules As Written as possible, but we didn't always succeed. We incorporated Dragon magazine articles that we liked. We adopted various bits from the Unearthed Arcana and extrapolated on it. And quite frankly, we got some things WRONG in our interpretation of the RAW that I, as an older, wiser man, find a little embarrassing.  

I settled on the 16th level version of my character...I am fairly suspicious of the higher level versions of the character (my DM was tracking XP and advancement and I distinctly remember some hand-waving towards the end of the campaign). Landon was a 1E bard, so the experience point total for the character, even including his fighter and thief levels would put him on par with a 13th level fighter or wizard...i.e. right in the 10-14 level wheelhouse of S1.  More editing, however, would be required.

Ability scores got knocked down to their original levels (which were high enough) as I'm not sure how many librams and wishes had been used to raise those stats and questioned their accuracy. His exceptional strength was removed (bards don't get that), and his fighter/thief levels reduced to 7th/8th instead of 8th/9th (there's some discrepancy about this in the DMG and later TSR modules but I'm fairly certain this is correct). UAisms were axed from the sheet (including a huge swath of magic items, weapons specialization, etc.), as were unique magic items ("bad luck swords" and "endless bags of food"). Hit points were re-calculated (should have only had one hit die of thief and CON was now back to 15), and weapon proficiencies corrected. Finally, I removed his incredibly beefy psionics (one of his major advantages in our old campaign) because A) Diego hasn't incorporated them into the game, and B) per the PHB, half-elves shouldn't receive psionics. 

[there IS a later Dragon mag that corrects this...i.e. that allows half-elves to get psionics...but we weren't going to use apocryphal texts]

Even after all this, the character had (in my estimation) too much "stuff," so I went a step further: I advanced his age 34 years (real time, Jeffro!) and calculated the total cost of his living expenses from the passage of time: 652,800 gold pieces. I then sold off enough of his magic items and treasure to cover the deficit. What I was left with was little enough in the way of magic (bracers of defense, a magic sword and dagger, a single bag of holding, one ring of protection and another ring of feather falling) and something around 800 gold pieces in treasure. A bit better equipped than the pre-gens in Tomb...but then, this was all gear that had been found in actual adventures. 

Other than my character, our party was composed of pre-gens from the module itself. Sofia would play the 14th level magic-user, and we took along the 14th level cleric and 12th level paladin as NPCs. Since we were going "by the book," spells were memorized beforehand (including clerical and druidic spells) and I did the bulk of the selection, as well as the outfitting of the party members. Sofia chose her own spells (with some suggestions from me) and purchased her own equipment (Tomb pre-gens receive up to 1,000 coins of any type to spend, and up to 5,000 g.p. worth of gems).  Lastly, I recruited two henchmen (a 1st level elven fighter and a 1st level half-elf thief) and equipped them from my own (swiftly diminishing) funds. Light (leather) armor, ten foot poles and lanterns lit with continual light spells was the order of the day. 

So prepared, we set out to the conquer the Acerak's tomb...or die trying.

...

Hmm. How much to talk about? Well, I'll be brief:

Our extreme competence, our plethora of resources, and my personal knowledge served us well, ESPECIALLY in the beginning phases of the tomb...everything up to and through the "evil/good chapel" area. A piece of cake, really (Diego bemoaned that we were kicking the tomb's butt). But as we got into the middle section, my knowledge started to fail. I knew what was in the Tomb, I knew what we were looking for (and what to avoid), but I was less familiar with the actual logistics and placement. 

Tomb of Horrors is a GRIND. Even for someone like me...who has run it half-a-dozen times over the years and read the thing countless others. Finding and locating secret doors and passages is a pain. Trying to remember the later stanzas of the riddle...or not remembering their proper order can lead to panic. You second-guess yourself. You grow impatient. You fall into a pit or trip some trap that you damn well know you shouldn't have. The thing wears on you, the farther you get into it. Even without wandering monsters, being stuck in the middle of the dungeon with no readily available exit (those one-way teleporters), you end up feeling pressure. Even with the plethora of healing magic at your disposal, there is an attrition of the mind that occurs...the players argue with each other, tempers fray, snap.

It got us. Five and a half hours in (we were keeping time on a stop-watch) it TPK'd the whole party. Didn't even make it to "the columned hall;" opened the wrong door...incautiously...and put the whole expedition to sleep (no saving throw). We were then crushed flat by a stone juggernaut. Thanks for coming.

Totally, terribly unfair. Total asshole move, Gygax.

And it sucked...not because my long-time character had died (for all intents and purposes, he died a long time ago...in the Spring of 1988). No, it sucked because I wanted to beat the damn thing. I wanted to say that I killed Acerack and that he "wasn't so tough." But even knowing the adventure, I still screwed up. And paid the price. But really the only "loss" I took was to my pride...something I probably have too much of anyway.

And pride is easily replenished anyway. At least, it is for me. All I have to do is look at my children. My son, 11 years old, did an excellent job as a DM. My 8 year old daughter did a great job working with her old man (even saving my bacon by remembering a couple lines from the Acerack poem/riddle that I'd forgotten). Yes, I had to pull Sofia's character away from a couple of deathtraps that she wanted to wander into, but in the end it wasn't her play that killed us all.

Yeah, I am very proud of my children. I really can't express it.

Afterwards, we ate pombazos (made, again, by the wife) and watched Big Trouble In Little China, one of my all-time favorite films, and one that the kids had never seen. They liked it a lot...a perfect cap to a (mostly) perfect Father's Day. Maybe the best one I've ever had. They sure set a high bar for next year.

; )

Later.

Loot The Music...Er...Body

When I say "I live in Seattle" I actually mean it (unlike some folks)...my home is about 3.6 miles south of the northern city limits. Seattle is a big town (or small city, depending on your POV) and trying to get scheduled for a Covid vaccine in town is tough to say the least. So it was that Saturday morning found me driving north on Interstate-5 to the Skagit County Fairgrounds vaccination site for an 11am appointment...about an hour's drive...to get my first Pfeizer shot.

One of the things I enjoy about the new car the family purchased 2-3 years ago, is the "satellite radio" subscription we got with it: instant access to good music based on genre depending on whatever mood you're in, and even if there's a lousy/annoying song on your favorite genre station, chances are you can find something good on one of your other favorites, without commercials. It's not PERFECT, but for road trips it beats the hell out of the old alternative of slugging away a ton of CDs or mix tapes that you've already listened to a gazillion times. Saturday was a loooong drive (as noted) and rather than listen to the usual hair metal stations I gravitate towards, I listened instead to a rebroadcast for Casey Kasem's American Top 40 from the week of April 21st, 1973. Like, the whole thing (minus commercial interruption). 

It was a good time, and one thing I noticed about the top pop hits from that week in history (the year I was born) was the songs tended to fall into three general categories: 1) songs that I'd never heard before that seemed to be "gimmicky" (like Funky Worm by the Ohio Players), 2) workman-like songs from established artists (both Neither One of Us from Gladys Knight and Call Me by Al Green were completely forgettable pieces), or 3) true classics that I have heard countless times over the last 47+ years including Killing Me Softly (Roberta Flack), Danny's Song (Anne Murray), Stir It Up (Johnny Nash), Love Train (O'Jays), Space Oddity (Bowie), and Drift Away (Dobie Gray).

And the thing that classics like Stevie Wonder's Sunshine of my Life or Steely Dan's Reeling in the Years have over songs like Skylark's Wildflower or the Stylistics' Break Up to Make Up isn't necessarily head-and-shoulders better musicianship or better production values. It's a combination of songwriting (lyrics and instruments) with interesting, memorable touches that makes a song stand out from what has come before. Some cats just have that "it factor" and you can hear it in the way the song has been put together and recorded...even if you don't like a particular song (I'm not a huge Stevie Wonder fan), you can appreciate why he's one of the all-time greats.

I say this by way of introduction to the band Loot the Body, who just sent me a preview copy of the new album Hex for review. Spoiler alert: probably not destined to be a classic.

Loot the Body is "the brainchild of singer/songwriter/multi-instrumentalist Levi Nunez." Nunez writes songs "based on classic D&D" and cites "proto metal" and "proto psychadelic rock" as his musical references. I explained to Mr. Nunez that I wasn't a music critic...I'm not steeped in the industry, I haven't the practiced vocabulary for the writing or the library of musical knowledge to draw upon...but he still said he'd appreciate me writing my impressions of his songs. Says the "music blogs" don't really know what to do with him. 

Okay.

Hex is a six song EP with each track taking its name and theme from a classic D&D adventure module: White Plume Mountain,  Dwellers of the Forbidden City, Castle Amber, Tomb of Horrors, Ravenloft, and The Keep on the Borderlands. I've had some previous exposure to Loot the Body through The Barrier Peaks Songbook, which to me seemed more like a fun little project/experiment than a serious attempt at...well, a serious attempt. The new EP shows, no, Nunez IS actually serious about this wedding of D&D and music...there's a lot of obvious effort here...and whether he's trying to carve out a niche for himself or this is "just what he does," it's certainly doesn't appear to be throwaway trash.

That being said, the first word that came to mind as I listened to to Hex was "sophomoric," despite this being his third effort (I only just discovered he has an earlier album, Random Encounters, which I haven't had a chance to hear). I actually dig on the concept of the album (the idea he was going for) but my overall impression is one of flawed execution, and the thought that the music could have benefitted from some collaboration, or a strong hand in the production/editing with regard to the songwriting itself.

Musically, Hex reminds me quite a bit of Blue Oyster Cult, and shares some of the issues I have with BOC, especially the vocals. I'm okay with BOC (I've seen them live in concert) but they only have three songs I care to listen to, and despite their talent, I find most of their music to be disappointing and forgettable. I'm just not a fan of wispy, gutless singing that takes few chances vocally or lyrically. That's probably too harsh, but (for me) I like my singing to stand out and apart from the other instruments, not just become a drone in the background. I have this problem with more recent bands like Muse and Radiohead, too, although the latter band makes up for it with layering and originality. Perhaps it's music that's designed to act as a soundtrack to the group gathering around the bong, without "harshing the buzz" or acting as a distraction...and, sure, that's "okay." Elevator music is okay, too...in an elevator. But, man, it gets old after a (very short) while. 

Nunez does have musical chops, but his singing talent doesn't stand out, and his instruments...at times creative, at times highly derivative...suffer on most tracks from composition. See, this is the part where me NOT being a music critic fails me: I don't have the words to describe it. Often, he fills up the song sheet with lyrics withOUT musical breaks, rushing to get the words in, rather than letting the ear rest from the drone and just groove into the hooks and melodies. There are parts in every song where the ear wants a break from the singing...and gets none (or not enough). The bridges are too short. Another verse is needed instead of another repetition of an overlong chorus. Things like that. 

Lyrically the songs are hit-and-miss. To ME...an old school D&D guy...some of the songs are especially grating when they lift whole swaths of background text from the adventure modules from which they are derived. The album is at its best when Nunez goes "off script" with his lyrics...writing about the feelings and actions of adventurers in the dungeon, rather than the dungeon itself. 

I've listened to every song on the album multiple times. For me, the best of the bunch are Dwellers in the Forbidden City, Castle Amber, and Tomb of Horrors with Dwellers being my favorite track on the album. Castle Amber has some of the best lyrics on the album, but is scattered in its musical themes, and needs tightening. Tomb would be pretty good (despite some fairly derivative musical hooks) but suffers from the aforementioned issue of arrangement/composition...too bad, because it has one of the best bridges/choruses on the album.

White Plume Mountain, and Keep on the Borderlands are just heartbreaking (or embarrassing, depending on your point of view). When you have one of the worst villain names in the history of D&D ("Keraptis" sounds a bit too much like "crap") you don't spend the entirety of the lyrics on the dude and his history in the module's "background" section, and nothing about the adventure itself (what? no mention of Blackrazor, Wave, and Whelm? Come on). Definitely NOT the song to lead off the EP. TKotB isn't quite as bad, and is fine sitting at the end of the album as coda...just wish it was more than adventure background. 

Ravenloft, like the adventure it's based on, is just gimmicky in tone. It feels like the worst of BOC and irritates me every time I've tried listening to it (it's a struggle to listen to the track for more than two minutes,)...and yet it's the ONLY track that has a decent musical interlude (sans vocals) in the middle. Unfortunately, while it may be the best composed track on the EP it has an incredibly annoying chorus. Ugh.

Should you buy this album? Mmm. There's definitely worse musical projects to throw money at. Like anything produced by Pitbull. AND if you're a fan of droning, stoner rock...especially if you're tickled by themes inspired by classic D&D adventures...then, sure, yes. Because chances are, that's the only way you'll be getting a chance to hear these tracks. I don't think you'll be hearing these songs on the radio any time in the near future. 

And as I come to the end of this review (marveling at how any sane person would ask me to express my honest opinion of their work knowing how caustic and negative I can be..."gutless?" really?) and I finish listening to Hex for what must be the 10th time, I find myself coming to the conclusion that the best track on the album, despite its flaws, is Tomb of Horrors and not Dwellers of the Forbidden City. Even though I prefer the rock hook and lyrics of Dwellers, Tomb is the better song...Dwellers is just too short, needing more time to unwind, gel, and melt into your mind. Plus, Tomb's got the better, hookier chorus; I'll probably be humming it the rest of the day.

All right. That's enough of that.

Loot the Body's new EP Hex is scheduled for release June 4th and can be found on Bootcamp and elsewhere.

In The Tomb

Happy Holy Saturday! As we all await our own "resurrection" from the caves in which we're sheltering (see what I did there? Easter humor), I figured I'd post up a few addendum notes to yesterday's post. I mean, why the hell not?

Regarding my re-typing of OD&D:

Finished doing Book III...well, as much of it as I plan on writing at this point. The thing devotes a LOT of space (about a third of its page count) to aerial and naval combat, neither of which are incredibly pertinent to my campaign at the moment. I understand the authors' original intention of including everything necessary for a "complete game," but this is more appendix kind of stuff for "special adventures" (this may be a B/X prejudice as the original Expert set put ship and waterborne combat info in a just such a chapter at the end of the book). For better or worse, I don't see my players doing a lot of aerial combat maneuvers in game.

That leaves a lot of space, however, which I will be using to fill out GM info (from later works) that I really want to include. I went through the later OD&D supplements, as well as The Strategic Review and early Dragon magazines...

[ha! in the other room my daughter is having a video "play date" with one of her kindergarten friends and she's attempting to explain the Dungeons & Dragons game we've been playing. Funny stuff.]

...and made notes of the things I want to incorporate into the text. There are some interesting world assumptions I'm finding in the text. The fact that orcs are readily available for hire as mercenaries (and for low prices) says something about their place in the world/civilization of the game...especially as other humanoids AREN'T (goblins are too feral? I suppose). But how does this easy relationship sit with rangers? Not good I suppose (which is why they prefer to live in the wilds). Still, it helps explain half-orcs when orcs are regular participants in inter-species relationships...

Then there's the whole issue of evil (i.e. "chaotic") patriarchs. The same rules for high level clerics apply to evil high priests...which means any such individual that builds a stronghold is going to attract a large force of "faithful" fanatics...not to mention the automatic "tithes" (20 g.p. per inhabitant per year!) that starts rolling in to the EHP's coffers. Apparently all gods are honored in this fantasy setting...sets up all sorts of Isle of Pan Tang ideas.

Regarding the Tomb of Horrors:

Man, that adventure is the gift that just keeps on giving. After The Keep on the Borderlands, I've got to believe it's the module I've run the most over the years (yes, more than White Plume Mountain). Last night, I ran the original OD&D tournament version of the module for the kids, though using the illustration pack from the later 1980 publication. Kids each took two of the pre-gens from the adventure: Diego used an 8th level paladin ("Rider") and a 12th level magic-user ("Winklebart"); Sofia used a 4th/6th level Elf fighter-mage ("Fiddly Fiddler") and a 10th level cleric (first call "Sheila May," later changed to "Lovine the Artist"). The kids had a lot of fun picking out all the cool spells their high level characters could carry, and spent a good amount of time selecting equipment that provided them the right mount of utility with the most efficient encumbrance.

Because we were starting rather late at night, I declared we'd go with the two hour tournament time limit (though we probably went over by a bit). The players started by exploring the "right-hand" (western) false tunnel. The collapsing ceiling killed Fiddly, necessitating the use of Lovine's raise dead spell. Fortunately, the elf made his resurrection survival roll and two weeks later they were healed up and ready to try again.

The party's second foray into the dungeon saw them exploring the "left-hand" (eastern) entrance. Despite the rumbling they heard behind them, they decided to press forward and try to open the doors. It was only after they discovered the blank wall behind the doors that they turned to find the tunnel behind sealed by a shifting wall. "What do we do now?" What do you want to do. "Well, we'll check out the fake doors, but we'll be careful for traps." I think you've already set off a trap don't you? Oh, right. Fortunately, Winkle had memorized the passwall spell so they were able to escape.

Next up was the main (central) tunnel entrance. Here they managed to fall in most every pit trap along the path, but led by their stalwart paladin (with high hit points and amazing saving throws) they managed to traverse the length, finally arriving at the corridor's end. Finding and reading the the cryptic message on the floor, Diego decided to try the misty arch while Sofia's characters remained behind to "watch for monsters." The teleportation deposited Rider and Winkle in a rather messy heap in the chamber of the four-armed ghoul who surprised the pair (apparently they were still disoriented by the mist's effects). Random die showed the ghoul going after the wizard, who quickly died. Rider fought a round with the creature before deciding to flee due to low hit points and the strategic disadvantage of facing a monster with 4 attacks per melee. Charging through the exit he kicked open the plastered door to the main tunnel, only to plunge into the pit lying on the other side (death by impalement...he still made his saving throw). Hearing the commotion the rest of the party retraced their steps, recovered Rider's body, and retreated from the tomb.

The paladin was raised (easily making his resurrection roll) and two weeks later the party was back at the Tomb. Down a man (even had they attempted to retrieve Winklebart's corpse, it had been too long since his death to revive the wizard), they party decided to exercise the utmost caution. Taking a vote, they decided to go through the devil mouth this time. Once again, the paladin was chosen to go first (it was really Sofia's idea to try the devil mouth, but then she chickened out of taking the plunge; rock-paper-scissors was executed and Rider was given the job). Tying a rope around his waist and hoisting the lantern, the paladin pushed his way into the mouth, disappearing completely into darkness. Pulling on the rope brought back...nothing. After sticking a few odds and ends into the mouth (torches, both lit and unlit) it gradually dawned on the players that the devil's mouth was a one-way trip. "So where am I?" asked Diego. In heaven...you were disintegrated! Time for bed!

[there was a lot of laughter at my son's expense, even his own. "Sofia, why do you keep letting me make stupid mistakes?!" followed by the realization of his own words. Ah, D&D...I've missed you]

The children were suitably impressed that the Tomb of Horrors was exceptionally deadly and as fierce as its reputation suggested. Of course, they are also interested in going back, though they realize they're going to have to create some more characters. For my part I feel...refreshed by the experience. Maybe in my own way I'm like some sort of withered demilich that needs to bathe in the blood of young adventurers to get the creak out of my bones!

Regarding the chipa:

It turned out delicious. Here's a picture (we made more, but...um...it all got eaten):

Used a combo of queso fresco and mozzarella cheese in place of the queso paraguayo. The video was good (converted everything to English units of measure) and did a half order...still made a ton of chipa. Very tasty.

Enjoy your weekend folks...as best you can.
: )

Good Friday

Welp, we've made it through to Triduum, somehow, someway. Kids have the next 10 days or so off school (which means no "remote learning"...thank goodness!) though my wife's work continues. As for my own work: well, I'm through Book 1 (Men & Magic) and on page 26 of 36 of Book 3 (The Underworld & Wilderness Adventures).

Oh, yeah: and I'm attempting my second batch of chipa this morning. The first recipe fell flat (literally and figuratively), but the new one holds promise; used this video after the other recipe I had was just...not...good (won't bother with a link). There's a problem with not having queso paraguayo  in this country (at least, not anywhere around my house) but the ratio of yucca flour to corn meal seems to yield the right consistency.

[also my wife, rather unfortunately, just composted all the leftover banana leaves we had from cooking tamales the other day...if I'd known, I would have saved them for baking the chipa instead of parchment paper. Ah, well...]

SO...things are going mostly well and I won't belabor readers with my non-hardships. Best wishes for you to all have good weeks (well, as good as possible under the circumstances) and hope you find ways to be with, love, and appreciate your friends and relations. That's what I'm trying to do...and it's keeping me (mostly) sane.

[all right...this chipa recipe seems to be a winner. Cheese isn't quite right, but it's not bad at all. Puffed up pretty good]

And speaking of insanity: I told the kids about the Tomb of Horrors and now they really want to "solving" it (or, at least, surviving). They were a little disappointed that it was for such high level characters, as their own PCs have pretty paltry XP totals. However, maybe we'll try running it with pre-gens...just for fun.
; )

Random D&D Notes

The following thoughts are things I could probably wrap whole posts around, but I've been a little busy lately and (thus) don't know when I'll get to it. Rather than lose these in the ether, I figured I'd just jot them down, perhaps to examine more deeply in the future:

Some great replicas, but
this one was real.

Viking Treasure: had the chance to check out a great exhibit at the Nordic Museum (in the Ballard neighborhood of Seattle) on loan from Uppsala University in Sweden. Called "The Vikings Begin" it was a great collection with a lot of historical information. Didn't know that that the Norse didn't really have a currency before the 10th century or so; they collected coins from their travels, and would still use them for trading (as silver), weighing them with small (portable) scales. Also, silver coins? Really f'ing tiny (about the diameter of a nickel and thinner than a dime), though otherwise fairly uniform across multiple centuries and cultures; the exhibit included English pennies, coins from Charlemagne's Holy Roman Empire, Arabic dinars, and some sort of Russian coin, all dating from the 7th to 9th centuries). Norse people liked to use wealth (gold and jewels) to decorate their stuff, especially weapons and armor.

Viking Shields: really big. Something along the line of Alexis's rule for large shields is appropriate, if a little generous (the +2 versus small missiles in the original DMG might model better; your call, of course).

Magic Swords: I keep wanting to write about this and I keep finding it hard to make the time. Magic swords in Original D&D (and also continued in Holmes Basic) only added their magical bonus to attack rolls, NOT damage. As far as I can tell, this is simply a continuation of the rules for magic swords in CHAINMAIL, the tabletop war-game which doesn't record "damage" anyway: one hit = one kill. Miscellaneous magic weapons, on the other hand, add their bonus to both attack and damage, save in the case of certain weapons (like magic bows). This wasn't changed until the 1st edition of the AD&D Dungeon Masters Guide, where bonuses became universally applied to attack and damage rolls for ALL weapons (including bows), presumably for simplicity and consistency...I can find no other reason/information for the change I've spent the last couple-three days combing through every issue of The Strategic Review and early Dragon magazines leading up to the DMG's release (and afterward) to see if there was mention of this change, finding nothing.

Here's the thing: I actually LIKE the original rule better; I like how it models abstract combat in D&D. Armor does not reduce damage; it prevents damage being inflicted at all. A magical bonus to hit reflects the magic weapon's ability to penetrate the armor. I don't require the weapon to inflict "more grievous wounds" especially as a successful attack roll with a low damage roll can still indicate two parties grappling in fierce melee and thumping each other with fists and feet, while they try to get their blade in position to strike home. Adding a damage bonus to a sword attack means every blow is more likely to have been a killing stroke...and I just don't like that. Leave that to the axes and spears and arrows. I find this is yet another thing I really like about the original game and the Holmes version of Basic.

[also, for some reason, my D&D groups have always played that magic bows do not inflict their bonus to damage. I have no idea why this is, as both the B/X and AD&D rules are clear that magic add their bonus to both attack and damage. Weird....really don't know where we learned to play like that...]

Old School Advancement: And this will be the final thought of this post, as I've got stuff to do. In reading these old magazines, I've found a lot of info, much of it fascinating, insightful, or informative. No, not all of it is great, but there ARE kernels/nuggets of "good stuff" in there, one of which is Gygax's own thoughts and ideas on how advancement was supposed to look in D&D: a successful player who's character participated in 50-70 game sessions per year could expect to reach 9th to 11th level after the first year of gaming, and then another 2-3 levels per year thereafter. At the time he was writing this, his Greyhawk campaign had been going on for four years and Arneson's Blackmoor had been going for five, and he could "definitively" state that no character in either campaign was higher than 14th level...presumably (it isn't explicit) due to a combination of character deaths, energy drain, and retirement from active adventuring. By my calculations, this rate of advancement amounts to a (rough) average of 4,000 experience points per character per session over the course of a year, which seems a little high but perhaps he was still using the pre-Supplement I system when it came to awarding XP for defeated monsters. For certain the article was written prior to the publication of the AD&D books.

[the reason for the high level spells in D&D (which became part of the system with the advent of the Greyhawk/Sup1 booklet) then appears to be neat and/or legendary effects that can be found on scrolls or provided through the good graces (or by paying) of high level NPCs]

I have to admit this seems entirely reasonable rate of advancement to me, and makes old tournament modules like Tomb of Horrors and Lost Caverns of Tsojcanth really look like worthwhile "epic paydays" for adventurers. Tomb of Horrors, especially, finally starts to inspire ambition as it's potential treasure payout is 437,409 g.p. Given that destruction of Acererak is another 100,000 x.p. that's a pretty substantial chunk of advancement for even a large party of adventurers. It really makes me turn up my nose at the paltry 53,035 g.p. one might pull out of White Plume Mountain...though, I suppose the original idea was that players would find the (campaign-wrecking) power of the magical weapons to be reward enough for their endeavor (all later publications/variations of WPM have insisted that the weapons be removed from PCs possession following the adventure).

All right...that's really all I have time for today. Later.

Traps

Traps are fairly ubiquitous to site-based adventures in Dungeons & Dragons. I can’t recall a single adventure module that does not contain at least one “trap” to catch the unwary adventurer by surprise, and some published adventures pride themselves on the fiendish devices they are reputed to contain (the Tomb of Horrors being one of the more notorious).

And yet, I’d argue that traps are, in the main, poorly defined as to what they are and the purpose they serve in the game AND that their purpose and design has changed considerably from edition to edition. So much so that they actually change the STYLE OF PLAY depending on the edition you’re playing.

Now I realize that some might disagree with that last statement…fine, yes you’re right. I know I’m not going to convince you otherwise just as I know I’m not going to convince those folks who say D20 or 4E can be played in an “Old School” fashion, or those that say “system doesn’t matter so long as you have the right GM for the game.” I’m not interested in a dog-fight here…I’m just trying to have a conversation about design, okay?

So having prefaced that, let’s talk:


OD&D (from Volume 3, page 6)

“Besides those already indicated on the sample level, there are a number of other easily added tricks and traps. The fear of “death,” its risk each time, is one of the most stimulating parts of the game. It therefore behooves the campaign referee to include as many mystifying and dangerous areas as is consistent with a reasonable chance for survival (remembering that the monster population already threatens this survival). For example, there is no question that a player’s character could easily be killed by falling into a pit thirty feet deep or into a shallow pit filled with poisoned spikes, and this is quite undesirable in most instances.”

Here we see the idea that traps are to be used to stimulate the players’ adrenaline, without actually proving deadly…most of the traps listed are ones designed at disorienting or transporting PCs, apparently in aid of keeping them lost and guessing in the mega-dungeon environment. Traps are thus used mainly to keep players OFF-BALANCE.


HOLMES Basic D&D (page 40):

“Wandering monsters are usually determined randomly as the game progresses. Traps should not be of the “Zap! You’re dead!” variety but those which a character might avoid or overcome with some quick thinking and a little luck. Falling into a relatively shallow pit would do damage only on a roll of 5 or 6 (1-6 hit points at most) but will delay the party while they get the trapped character out. Hidden rooms, movable walls, teleportation devices, illusion rooms, dead ends, etc., make interesting variations.”

Father Dave has spent much time devoted discussing the workings of the Holmesian Underworld and I tend to agree with his analysis that traps in Holmes D&D are used in the main to trap or delay adventurers, such that the inevitable wandering monsters spawned by the dungeon will catch up to the party. None of the traps described in the sample adventure are damaging by nature…they knock PCs out or render party member unconscious or force characters to dis-armor themselves, all of which make the party more vulnerable to wandering monsters. The traps are used to SET CHARACTERS UP for dangerous monster encounters.


AD&D (from the PHB, page 103):

“Traps are aimed at confining, channeling, injuring, or killing characters.”

Gygax then goes on to explain these four kinds of traps, where they are usually found, and their purpose, as well as some possible methods of mitigating them. Regarding killing traps, he states:

“Killing traps are typical of important areas or deep dungeon levels. Deep pits with spikes, poisoned missiles, poisoned spikes, chutes to fire pits, floors which tilt to deposit the party into a pool of acid or before an angry red dragon, ten ton blocks which fall from the ceiling, or locked rooms which flood are examples, of killing areas. Again, observation and safety measures (poles, spikes thrown ahead, rope, etc.) will be of some help and luck will serve as well.”

While the descriptions of confining and channeling traps seem right in line with OD&D and Holmes, injuring traps (which sap the party’s strength) and especially killing traps are something new entirely. However, the USE of these “killer traps” appears to be confined to areas of importance or “deep dungeon levels” (i.e. reserved for high level characters. Where parties find them, they can expect rich rewards (or adventure objectives) to be nearby. In this instance, traps can serve as MARKERS and CLUES for the adventurers, telling them a bit about the area into which they’ve stumbled, based on the type of trap encountered.


D20 (from the DMG, page 112):

“In a dungeon, adventurers can fall to their deaths, be burned alive, or find themselves peppered with poison darts – all without ever having encountered a single monster. Dungeons tend to be filled with barriers or life-threatening traps of one kind or another. The following sections lay down some basic rules for handling common obstacles and traps.”

And now we come to the opposite end of the spectrum from where we started. In D20, all traps are dangerous (damage-causing) hazards. Period. If a dungeon feature can kill you, it’s a “trap;” if not, then it’s something else (shifting rooms/corridors, elevators, and teleporters are all listed as “miscellaneous features” of a dungeon, rather than traps). In D20, traps are static ENCOUNTERS to be triggered and (hopefully) survived. Unlike earlier editions, PCs gain XP from surviving traps, so it is in the adventurers best interest to find and set-off as many as possible. As with any other game, reward mechanisms encourage behavior, and D20 awards XP for fighting monsters and surviving traps…only. D20 encourages direct confrontation and conflict, and traps are a way to (as the sidebar says) “change the play of the game.” As with monster encounters, traps are something to be defeated and overcome, but they force the party to slow down and approach the challenge in a different fashion from standard (monster) encounters.

So there…four different editions and four very different takes on what a trap is and how to use it. Of course, I don’t play any of these editions, but instead B/X…the King of Games. What about B/X?

Moldvay actually has very little to say about what a trap IS (and the Cook/Marsh Expert set doesn’t broach the subject at all):


B/X (page B22):

“Dungeons often contain traps, such as a trap door in the floor which springs open when a character walks over it.”

That’s it. Moldvay goes on to explain how traps are triggered and how they are discovered, but no mention is made of their purpose or how deadly they are…does the trap door mentioned lead to a spiked pit? Or a chute to the next level? Who knows…there’s the same chance it could lead to a feather bed or a bed of lava!

What we do know is the presumed frequency of traps: 1 in 6. That is the chance of a trap being present in a room’s contents (page B52). A dungeon with 24 rooms should have traps in four of those rooms.

That’s a lot.

From the suggested traps listed, one can see Moldvay considers traps to be nearly as ubiquitously hazardous as D20:

ROOM TRAPS:
Poison gas: Save vs. Poison or die

That’s the first trap listed…a cloud of nerve gas that wipes out the party. Remember, B/X gives rules for running LOW level games (1st through 3rd level characters); these are not PCs with neutralize poison and raise dead spells or rings of wishes. Of the other five “room traps” listed, three cause damage (two without saving throw), and one drops the character to the next level, probably dooming him to death.

Moldvay also lists some suggested “treasure traps:”

TREASURE TRAPS:
Poison needle: Save versus Poison or die

Yep, once again, “auto-kill” is first on the list. Of the other five traps in this category, one is a poison snake, one does up to 24 points of damage (enough to kill your average 5th level fighter), one blinds the victim for D8 turns and another doubles the character’s chance of encountering wandering monsters for several hours.

None of the traps listed in Moldvay are confining, or shifting wall-related.

In fact, of all the editions I’ve perused, the B/X Basic set has got to be the hands down deadliest with regard to its take on traps. Gary and Dave’s talk of instant death traps being “undesirable?” Holmes statement that traps should NOT be the “Zap! You’re dead!” variety? Pretty obvious that Moldvay is on a different page from these early works.

And as far as Gary’s “Advanced” take, that killing traps are only found in important areas or deep dungeon levels? No way. The “sample dungeon expedition” (page B59) has a deadly poison needle trap stashed on a box containing 2000 silver pieces. That’s worth 200XP to the surviving party members (four of ‘em, or 50XP each). Only 39 more “scores” like that for the fighter to level up to 2nd level. Presuming they don’t run out of thieves.

[to be continued]

[edited to fix the f'ing formatting...damn library computers!!]

Baranof of Horrors

So we played S1:Tomb of Horrors down at the Baranof tonight. With 1st and 2nd level characters.

You see, I've got this theory, see? That the Tomb of Horrors, while ostensibly for characters level 10th to 14th, is actually no more (or less) deadly at 1st level.

And it's not...I mean sure, everyone died (twice...but tonight was special 'cause we were calling "do overs"), but they were making progress. They were on their way, sorting through the riddles. Hell, they made it to the temple and would have probably made it farther if the thief hadn't gotten greedy with the treasure in the benches, leading to a gas attack that chased everyone through an arch that...well, you get the picture.

Point is, even 14th level characters get killed when they act stupid in an adventure that is designed to stomp the hell out of the players.

I've run Tomb of Horrors probably half a dozen times over the years. I've never had anyone (that I can recall) kill Acerack. I've only seen one or two parties actually discover his tomb. I've seen lots of "powerful" adventurers killed in any of the three entrance tunnels. The 1st level guys at least made it past those.

This was my first time playing S1 with B/X, but the only thing that really needs to be converted is the demilich. Ah, well...you've got to make it to his lair first.

Maybe I'm silly. Maybe I'm just super-duper tired. But it wasn't a bad experiment. Next week, we'll return to the Caves of Chaos.

; )

Maps, Modules, and Musings

Winding down Sunday afternoon...baby's sleeping, beagles are sleeping, I already took my nap, so I'm good for a few hours...

Last night I was up till 2am drawing maps. "Maps?" Yeah, maps...adventure module maps. When I first started this B/X Companion project O So Many Moons Ago, my original plan was to publish it as a box set in the same style as Moldvay's Basic Rules and Cook/Marsh's Expert Rules...in other words, a little box, a 64 page booklet, and an adventure module to "get things rolling." After all, while the rules explain the rules, it was the first couple adventure modules (B2:The Keep on the Borderlands and X1:The Isle of Dread) that really put it all in perspective. At least they did for me. As a kid teaching myself how to play (I wasn't introduced to the game by older siblings/friends) these were the basis for understanding what an "adventure" should look like.

Not that I didn't evolve my DMing style over time...I think most people who have acted as "game master" for years do...but the idea of how to design a dungeon or a wilderness adventure definitely comes in part from these adventures. While I have adapted other ideas to my gaming the idea of a "map" with "numbered scenes" which PCs will visit (in whichever order they choose) is still my main fashion of playing...at least for B/X. This is the foundation upon which everything else is built.

Well, whatever...I'm probably being too simplistic (again). The point is, I wanted to include my own adventure module with the B/X Companion to not only showcase the rules but to present something of a model for "high level adventures." I just can't think of all that many published adventure modules designed for high level play.

I suppose it depends on what one considers "high level." When WotC issued a version of Tomb of Horrors for 4th edition, my immediate reaction (besides irritation) was the desire to do a B/X conversion of the game. At the time I figured it could wait till my Companion came out (since a high level module needs a high level rule set). But looking over the old S1 on Saturday and you know what? Ain't nothing in the adventure that needs "converting." Oh, sure, there's the old demi-lich Acerack, that needs a B/X conversion...but other than that, is there anything in the module that requires characters of higher than Expert level? No. Characters of levels 15 to 36 aren't any more suitable for this "dungeon crawl" than a party of levels 10th to 14th. S1:Tomb of Horrors really is just an "expert" level module.

Same with Q1:Queen of the Demonweb Pits. Last summer I was REALLY itching to revisit this module and work up a conversion for B/X and was anxiously looking forward to my book's publication...after all, it's tough to run G1-3:Against the Giants when you don't have a game that includes the mighty Hammer of Thunderbolts or D2:Shrine of the Kuo-Toa and D3:Vault of the Drow if you don't have my Ponaturi or Dokkalfar monsters from the B/X Companion. And I was soooo looking forward to statting up Lolth and her demon buddies as a B/X conversion.

But in reading Q1 this weekend I found that there's a lot about it I don't like. I know, I know...Q1 has long had a mixed reputation with old school fans of the GDQ series. There's still an awful lot to like about Q1 and I think Sutherland gets a lot of things absolutely right. I even like the Spider Ship/Palace that others revile (it's just "weird enough" to sound like my favorite kind of acid-trip-D&D).

But it's NOT "high level" play. To me, this is "God Confrontation Lite;" sure Lolth, as a goddess, is so far out of the class of your ordinary adventurer that there is no way she should ever be defeated. Well, so long as she's played with "Godlike" intelligence and not as a two-bit monster (i.e. so long as the DM isn't "fudging" the adventure to "save" the player characters). The other nice thing about Q1...this is just about the only scenario I can imagine where adventurers of ANY level would have the motivation and wherewithal to even consider confronting a demon goddess on her own plane (really...I tried for awhile the other day to come up with something suitable and ended up with nada...in many ways Bloodstone is just a rehashing of the Q1 plot crossed with a bad B-grade movie).

In all fairness, Q1 does come closest to what I consider "high level play:" the antagonists are definitely up there, the planar weirdness is as it should be, the extra-dimensions/worlds are right on. But then the treasures are pedestrian. Many of the monster encounters are fairly normal/pedestrian. Again, other than the fact that Lolth should KILL EVERYONE should they make it to her palace, the challenges are all geared right around that level 10-14 range...in fact they're a little nerfed (in my opinion) possibly to compensate for PCs having limited access to spells and whatnot (i.e. fighting bugbears and ogres instead of demons as a "game balance" to the planar restrictions on spells and magic items).

And, yes...while I was at it, I also reviewed the 2003 Dragonfoot module Skein of the Death Mother (a re-imagining of the final encounters of Q1 designed and written by folks who didn't like the Spider Ship). And found it was pretty much the same encounters in a different setting...i.e. not much to cheer about there.

So, right...back to my own adventure module designed for "high level play." It's all well-and-good to bitch about everyone else, but what are YOU going to do about it JB? Well, maybe...just maybe...I'll finally get around to publishing my own adventure module.

The main thing that was holding me back was the main "site encounter" due to the necessity of drawing maps...something I have some kind of mental block about. Hell, this is one of the reasons I so enjoy playing (or re-tooling) standard old school adventure modules: my own pulling-teeth-frustration when it comes to drawing up a map. Sure, I can do a 5-6 room cave complex, but a mega-dungeon? A labyrinth with adherence to Gygaxian Ecology? No...those things just don't come very easy for me (unlike some folks).

But last night, I'd had enough...ENOUGH, I say, of sitting on my hands and whining that there ain't no high level adventure modules for using with the B/X Companion. There are quite a few folks that have purchased the game over the last seven-eight months and while I've gotten a lot of positive feedback, I get the impression that for most people it is sitting on their shelf as a mere curiosity. Ugh. I didn't write the damn thing to be a "curiosity."

So I sat down and just drew the maps. All of 'em. They're done.

Of course, they look shitty and unprofessional compared to most anything you'll find floating around the OSR, including One Page Dungeon Contest entries. But at least they're finished. I can now finish statting out the module's last few encounters (now that I have rooms to which I can assign monsters) and get this thing out-the-door.

I'm looking forward to play-testing.

P is for Prestidigitation

[over the course of the month of April, I shall be posting a topic for each letter of the alphabet, sequentially, for every day of the week except Sunday. Our topic this month? Things necessary to take your D&D campaign from “eh, fantasy” to “kick ass.” And who doesn’t want that?]

P is for Prestidigitation, the ol’ slight o hand, now-you-see-it-now-you-don’t bit. Flim flammery. The ol’ switcheroo. Trickery, in other words.

We need more of it.

The most recent editions of D&D (and here I’m going back to the Rules Cyclopedia edition even) have done quite a job of codifying and stream-lining the game. Now there’s a difference between “dumbing things down” and working for consistency of design, and I think the most recent designers to work on the game have MOSTLY done the latter. But consistency comes at a price…it limits imagination.

Now that is NOT to say you can’t go “off the reservation” with any edition of the game. Hell, they’re your books, you are allowed to scribble sections out and add as desired and freely mix-n-match editions. But one of the reasons the designers have been striving for consistency (since 2nd edition, really) is an attempt to CLEAN UP the game, to define what was undefined, to set some boundaries.

Which is to say “limits.”

If you want to play balls-to-the-wall craziness where the lines are so broken it’s hard NOT to “color outside the boundaries,” then you’re going to be playing an older edition more often than not (or else, house-ruling your new edition game into something that resembles an older edition). In the older editions we find the rule is Anything Goes most of the time.

You can do this when there are no hard and fast rules for spell and magic item creation…and when monsters are defined by half-a-dozen stats that bear little or no resemblance to a player character’s stat block.

3rd edition is where the changes to the latter bit really comes to the fore with the monsters, but even BECMI put limits on what could and could NOT be created as far as magic goes. You want to make a +6 sword? Tough…unless it’s an artifact (and there are very strict limits on artifacts, too). Yes, you can ignore the limits of the game…but then, why play that edition?

If you DO go back and look at earlier games you’ll see a ton of craziness, especially in the published adventures of Mr. Gygax. The iron golem in Mordenkainen’s Magnificent Adventure? Lasers and froghemoths in Barrier Peaks? The crazy tricks and traps in Tomb of Horrors and Lost Caverns of Tsojcanth? Hell…in ANY of the older, 1st edition adventure modules. How does that 3rd level priest animate dead zombies and skeletons in Caves of the Chaos…especially as there’s no clerical “animate dead” spell in the B/X rules? It’s a “mystery.”

No…it’s just craziness.

TRICKS…much more so than traps, in my opinion…are a huge part of the joy of Old School D&D. Traps are usually mechanical, often dis-armable, and almost always detectable and avoidable. With TRICKS, all bets are off. How do you deal with the Mouth of Annihilation in the Tomb of Horrors? Um…you don’t. I mean you can DIE IN IT, I suppose…but otherwise, there’s nothing else to do with it.

How do you deal with falling into lava? How should you handle a monster that can decapitate you with a single blow. How do you handle magic objects that change your character’s sex or teleport your character one way and all your gear another? How do you cross a frictionless room?

Who knows? As I said, all bets are off when it comes to tricks. Later modules tone down the level of tricks by about 100-fold. Why? Because they break the internal consistency and logic of the game. I look at a later edition module…even late 1st edition modules like H4: The Throne of Bloodstone…and I see a lot of pedestrian stuff, simply adhering to the rules of the game. So much so that, in that last example (H4), you’re advised to own copies of all the Monster Manuals, the Manual of the Planes, BattleSystem…and probably Legends and Lore. All so you can run a pedestrian fight with Orcus, a pedestrian fight with Tiamat, and celebrate a pedestrian victory over Evil (and not even a PERMANENT victory…”Orcus will return some day.” So then why did we go through all this BS? Jeez!).

Whether or not Gygax and Schick and Moldvay (check out his dimension-hopping Castle Amber!) and Sutherland (Demonwebs!) understood their own genius or not, I can’t even guess. Clearly, they knew what they liked themselves when it came to adventure design…nutty stuff that was waaay off the reservation. Regardless of whether they knew it or not, WE should be learning from their examples when it comes to adventure design:

1. Break the rules.
2. Tricks over Traps.

“But tricks aren’t FAIR,” whines the geek who’s angry his naked paladin just jumped into a Mouth of Annihilation. You know what? So what? Your character was 14th level…doesn’t one of his buddies have a ring of wishes or something that’ll bring him back to life?

And even if he doesn’t…TRICKS are the way you truly challenge the players rather than their characters (and their characters “stat blocks”). A spear trap has a certain chance of being detected (a “difficulty class” in 3rd edition, or your thief’s “detect traps” skill in 1st). A poison needle or pit is the same. Throw a bunch of those into your adventure and you just get players saying, “I search EVERYTHING for traps,” every single damn room.

But give ‘em a cavern of boiling mud to somehow traverse…or a floating river…or a lake of lava…or drooling radioactive monkey whose spit and saliva burns holes through plate armor…give ‘em SOMETHING WEIRD to overcome and THEN you’ll see your players get creative.

More trickery, that’s what I’m advocating. More switcheroos. More dopplegangers and rust monsters and cursed magical items and insane magical traps that “don’t make sense.” It doesn’t have to make sense. Haven’t you ever read Vance’s Dying Earth books?

: )

50 Ways To Die

Getting killed in a game should be fun.

Is that too radical a statement? Perhaps. Certainly it might seem a little…um…morbid.

But honestly, isn’t it part of the game? And by “the game” I am of course referring to The Great Game, aka Dungeons & Dragons, the fantasy RPG of choice for O So Many young (and not so young) folks.

Well, at least it used to be part of the game. Dying, that is. But apparently someone did a study or there was a bunch of complaints such that game designers came to the conclusion that “dying just ain’t all that fun.”

I mean, I ASSUME that’s what happened. Something like that, right?

To me, I’m afraid it smacks of the same annoying whine that causes professors to give out better grades than students deserve…it’s not EXACTLY the same thing but it’s akin to it. Basically people complaining that they can’t really take what they’re O So Ready to dish out. That as a DM, my sole responsibility is to entertain players...by putting fish in a barrel and allowing them to shoot, rather than arming the fish with a fighting chance.

Ah, well. It's a different world with different “new fangled” attitudes, what can I say? People want to be heroic…and even Old School players that don’t want to be heroic (folks like my buddy, Kris) tell me:

JB, dying is no fun.

Well, dammit…it should be!

If you’re playing an Old School D&D game, dying is probably nigh inevitable, REGARDLESS OF HOW GOOD A PLAYER YOU ARE. I say that with all seriousness and in all honesty. You can take all the precautions you want, play as carefully as you want, exit the dungeon for “rest” as much as you want…but eventually your number will be up and you’ll be dead.

Sometimes it will be a blown save versus an auto-kill effect. Sometimes an opponent will luck out with an incredibly telling blow at just the wrong time. Sometimes your DM will simply make a mistake in setting an encounter that is too tough for the players. Or he’ll run your characters through some death trap...like S1: Tomb of Horrors.

In Old School D&D, death happens to every character eventually. That’s been my experience, anyway.

And really, it’s nothing to fear greatly. The game has built-in remedies for death in the form of Resurrection and Wish and Raise Dead spells…not to mention Neutralize Poison and Stone to Flesh for those “auto-kill” problems. Death is NOT supposed to be the end of the fun…it’s just one of the hazards of the game. And for those characters that are too low of level (and too weak or too poor) to make use of Raise Dead, need I mention that B/X D&D is a snap for rolling up new characters?

[one of these days I’m going to time myself to see how long it actually takes]

SO, all righty then…no need to fear death. It’s “fixable” at the mid-to-high levels and negligible at the low levels (now for folks playing with the Homes’s “7 sessions to level up” instead of the speedier B/X, I do sympathize for you, but you’re already a BADASS to play a game without Raise Dead, so I guess it really is “your funeral,” pal). To me, death’s simply a speed bump to one’s gaming life and certainly not the end of the world.

However, it CAN be tedious if done in a boring fashion. And tedious does NOT equal “fun.”

That’s why I strongly endorse poisoned characters writhing on the floor in agony for ten rounds while frothing at the mouth. I also heartily recommend deaths by traps, as they are often unexpected and thus interesting (I’ll need to post about this later). Furthermore, I’m honestly not convinced DMs use enough petrifaction in their games…bring out those medusas and basilisks!

Now combat, of course, is the real culprit for boring death. Oh, yeah, sure…you put all the responsibility for making combat “interesting” on the DM, don’t you? After all, in D&D (unlike some RPGs) it’s up to the poor, over-worked DM to interpret combat rolls and make things livelier than “you hit” or “you miss AGAIN.” It’s all on US to keep it from tedium.

But what about when the DM’s monster or NPC kills a player character?

Well, sure, that’s on the DM too, right? Except players have this funny little thing I’ve noticed when it comes to DMs describing their character’s death in combat…it has this tiny little problem of sometimes breeding a little resentment if “done wrong.”

After all, the player’s character has been reduced to 0 hit points and that’s “bad enough;” it means the player is going to have to take a penalty Time Out (to roll up a new character or wait for the Raise Dead spell). But graphically describing a PC’s death…even when it isn’t done in a gleeful fashion…can sound a little too much like GLOATING to your average player.

Shocking, right? Oh, please…it’s human nature for the DM to want to gloat a little bit regarding the demise of a PC. After all, the PCs have been spending the whole game session triumphing over every last monster they’ve encountered. Finally, the DM gets to score a little point of his own…and not on some “DM fiat-style” death trap like out of the Tomb of Horrors. No, this is a kill in COMBAT, baby. That’s beating the players at their own game…that’s hitting ‘em on their own turf!

But rather than risk the gripes of disgruntled players, DMs have this maddening tendency to TONE DOWN the descriptive narrative when a PC hits 0 hit points. To the detriment of everyone, in my opinion. Here’s kind of how it goes:

DM: Roll to hit!

Player 1: I get a 15!

DM (rolling damage): Your sword nicks off the ogre’s ear, he gives a blood curdling yell of rage; Joe your turn!

Player 2 (Joe): I roll a 7.

DM: Your character lunges under the ogre’s guard, but his blade is barely deflected at the last moment! The ogre brings his club down on your armored form (rolls) and hits! You take (rolls)…uh-oh. Ten points of damage.

Joe: Damn, I only had nine.

DM (sympathetically): Sorry, man. You’re killed. Okay, everyone else roll for initiative….


You see how lame that is? The DM can be worked up into a frothing lather every round of every combat, talking and jiving at a frenetic pace and then someone dies and it’s like, oh sorry about that, tough break man, I didn’t mean to hit you so hard (yeah, right…I was trying to hit you AS HARD AS POSSIBLE AND ON PURPOSE!), your character’s down to 0 hit points, everyone else roll for initiative.

DMs try to brush it off. Downplay it. Yes, some may feel bad. Some may give a wry chuckle, or make a low-key humorous remark. Some may gloat (secretly), but they certainly don’t sneer and say, “Take THAT, pal! In Your FACE!”

Which, of course, players do all the time.

The DM is supposed to be an impartial referee. The DM is also supposed to be the antagonist and opposition. The DM is supposed to practice non-attachment to the outcome. The DM is also supposed to challenge the players and put their characters in mortal danger.

I know it’s a balancing act…I’ve been doing it for years and I know it ain’t easy. But it should be. It should at least be easy to be NOT BORING.

Because that’s the real Cardinal Sin here. Yes, DMs: it IS bad form to gloat over a player death (DMs have all the power after all). On the other hand, if you bring a PC to zero hit points in combat, you can’t be so scared of hurting someone’s feelings that you tone down your descriptive prose. Deaths – ESPECIALLY deaths in combat!!! – should be AT LEAST as memorable as the guy who tripped over his 10’ pole, hurtling ass-over-teakettle onto a bunch of poison spikes. A death in combat…what the Norsemen would have called “a good death” …should be AT LEAST as interesting as Black Dougal frothing on the floor while his buddy Frederik goes through his earthly possessions.

Your players deserve better than, “oh yeah…and Joe got killed by an ogre.”

Since many players aren’t going to believe that your gory descriptions are anything other than gloating and showboating at their expense, I offer you this alternative:

50 WAYS TO DIE

Another one page, random chart in pdf format. It works like this: print it up, keep it close by (consider wedging it into the pages of your rule book next to your combat charts). Whenever one of your monsters or NPCs brings a PC to 0 hit points in combat, IMMEDIATELY roll a D% and read the description. Feel free to re-roll or adjust the description slightly to make it more appropriate to the weapons being used by the PCs opponent.

Unlike other fantasy RPGs (DragonQuest, Stormbringer, Warhammer FRP), D&D doesn’t have critical hits…characters are fine until they’re not. This table borrows a page for all those “other games” but the gory description it uses is ONLY for that final lucky (or unlucky depending on your perspective) attack.

Go get ‘em guys!
; )

Milking the Old Ca$h Cow

So I went back to Gary's Games in Greenwood, and took a long, hard look at the new Tomb of Horrors. Like I said I would. This time withOUT laughing out loud.

Okay, so let's get some stuff out of the way. Despite the name, this is NOT the Tomb of Horrors. It is NOT a 4th edition conversion of the classic module or even a re-imagining of it. The book says so right up front, explaining that would be a disservice to both the original adventure module AND to 4th edition D&D (I infer this to mean, the potential for slam-bang 4E action).

No, WotC is simply cannibalizing the name of a classic adventure in order to launch something better called Die, Acererak, Die! or something like that. Or Acererak's Revenge. Or Return to Return to the Tomb of Horrors.

And I suppose that if one is going to milk the creative cash cow of yesteryear...by recycling classic villains (Acererack, Vecna), monsters (the 4-armed gargoyle, the floating skull), and iconography (the "green devil face" features prominently), you might as well recycle the original name, right? Easy identification in the reader's mind with the legendary classic.

But, hey, all disgust aside I have a much higher opinion of the work knowing it's NOT an attempt to re-do the original S1, "4E Style." It really is its own thing. So here's the skinny:

The book is 160 pages, but is actually 4 full adventures...a mini-campaign, really. 40 pages per adventure is still a lot, but whatever...that's just how 4E rolls.

There are several double page illustrations, so it's not just 160 pages of text. As with all WotC stuff, the production value is high (though actually I find the art less cool than some of the 3E/Pathfinder stuff)...but I generally don't buy books based on artwork/production value alone.

The mini-campaign is designed to take characters from 10th level to 22nd. The Animated Campfire Logs (yes, this is a "new monster," not a spell), along with its companion, The Animated Canvass Tent (yes, really) is a 10th level encounter within the 1st of the four adventures. Personally, I think 10th level characters have more dangerous fish to fry than that, but I play a different edition. By the final adventure characters are playing against "Aspects of Demogorgon and Orcus" (whatever that means), so there appears to be quite a range of critters.

[I find it amusing the campfire logs have a perception stat...I just picture a cartoon log looking around for a thief hiding behind a tree]

There are sidebar rules for making things more "challenge the player," suggesting things like making the game harder by not giving the characters "intelligence checks" to figure out riddles and such, as well as ways of making the instant death more permanent. Um...this is pleasing to me(?) I think...at least an acknowledgement that there may be more to showcase here than how to best stack one's deck of character stats. I mean, it's hard to imagine people playing 4E that way (if they wanted a game like that, wouldn't they play something different?) but it's cool that they present the option.

Regarding the adventures themselves...eh. It's a bunch of linked "set piece" encounters. It seems just fine. Really.

I honestly can't judge if it's a "good 4th edition adventure" or not. The stat blocks with their little symbols and such are mostly gibberish and it's not a priority for me to learn that particular game system. But several people devoted a lot of time to making the book, and it has a lot of pretty colors, and I respect the artistic effort that went into its production. While I'm not a good judge of 4E material, it certainly appears as though it might be a good buy for players of that edition.

[See? I can acknowledge that people play something I don't and may want to put money into accessories for their game of choice...and even that THIS might be a "good accessory" for the particular game called 4th edition D&D]

But in a lot of ways, it's yet another example of how and why 4th edition and Wizards of the Coast are a major source of irritation to me.

NOT because they want to design an RPG that plays like a video game. I think game designers should be able to design whatever they want, however they want, and I've seen plenty of poorly designed games out there, even some that I like (for example, Heroes Unlimited).

And definitely NOT because they want to make money...it takes money to keep those production values high and if their plan to deconstruct and reconstruct editions keeps 'em in business, I suppose that's fine and dandy. Eventually people get tired of it (I personally stopped purchasing Warhammer 40,000 products with the 4th edition and Games Workshop can go F themselves...). They're allowed to run their capitalist enterprise however they like and the market will either bear it or not.

What I DO object to is the use of the Dungeons & Dragons name and the use of its IP. Yes, they bought it, they own it. They can wipe their ass with it or set it on fire or make Saturday Morning Cartoons with it or whatever they want. But it really, really chaps my hide to see them pushing a game system that is so, so, SO obviously NOT Dungeons & Dragons. And acting as if it is. And pushing it on people who have heard good things about D&D and who want to try it out and then get saddled with this shit.

AD&D was not OD&D, but it was a complex version of it. AD&D2 was not AD&D, but it was a steam-lined, "kid-ified" version of it. D20 was an attempt to take AD&D into the 21st century, adding things found in the skill-based games of the 90's, adding back some of the flavor of 1st edition AD&D, and giving the thing a cooler/sleeker image...while still keeping a lot of the core and base assumptions and expectations of the RPG first published in the '70's.

4th edition is a different game. It is a DIFFERENT GAME. If I play Palladium Fantasy and have an elven warrior and fight dragons and cast spells, I am NOT playing a different edition of Dungeons & Dragons...I am playing a different game that bears a LOT of similarities to it, that obviously rips-off or draws inspiration from it, but is definitely, most certainly NOT it. It's a game called Palladium Fantasy and it functions much, much differently from the game originally created by Gygax and Arneson.

"4th edition" is superficially similar to D&D...yes, you can play an elven warrior, fighting dragons and casting spells. It obviously rips-off and draws inspiration from D&D, but it most certainly is its own game and plays much, much differently from the game created by Gygax and Arneson.

Calling this game system "Dungeons & Dragons" is disingenuous. It is calling a cow a horse. It is not a new edition...it is a different game. Just like Palladium. Just like BRP. Just like Burning Wheel or Death Dealers or Exalted or any other fantasy-style RPG published by a different company.

Yes, it has elves and fighters and wizards and monsters...so, too, does a shit-load of other RPGs. I salute game designers designing other games...I like to PLAY other games, or at least try them out.

But don't sell labradors and call 'em beagles. Don't try to pass off a minivan as a muscle car. Don't pretend that one is carrying on some grand tradition when what you're doing is using the IP you purchased to sell a completely different product. Like China calling some book Harry Potter in order to sell a book that is most definitely NOT written by J.K. Rowling.

There are new editions of a game and there is designing new games from the ground up. What WotC has for sale is a new game design. I don't know if it's any good or not, 'cause I haven't got around to buying it or playing it. But I can say for sure that it is NOT "Dungeons & Dragons."

The book called "Tomb of Horrors" looks nice. It appears it might be a good adventure for this fantasy game known as 4th edition. But it is definitely NOT Tomb of Horrors, and calling it such equates to false advertising, in my opinion.

Really, WotC? I mean...Really?!

So I was down at Ye Olde Game Shoppe, talking about how many copies of the B/X Companion they wanted to stock to begin (more than a couple, as it turns out), when I couldn't help but notice this:

Holy Horseshit, Batman.

I openly guffawed as I flipped through this thing. 156 pages. I mean...what the F? 156 f***ing pages?!

The store manager pointed out, "to be fair 4E insists on putting entire monster stat blocks in their pages, which might take up some room." Dude at the counter said, "well, only the new ones right? They don't bother re-printing stuff from the Monster Manual, do they?"

I don't know...I looked at one of the quarter-page stat blocks:

Animated Campfire Logs.

No...I am not making this up. It's THAT ridiculous.

[hmm...I wish I'd bothered to write down what skills and feats a campfire log has...I might have to go back to the shop later]

If you remove the illustration book from the original S1: Tomb of Horrors, and dis-count both the cover leaf AND the last two pages which contain ONLY pre-gen characters, do you know how many pages of text was in the original Tomb of Horrors?

Nine.

NINE PAGES. Nine pages with which to craft one of the most fiendish, legendary, sadistically clever, most talked about, classic adventure modules of all time.

I've got many hours of entertainment out of S1 and have run it at least half a dozen times...several times with repeat players...despite or because of it's absolutely despicably un-fair nature of its challenge. It was ranked the 3rd Greatest Dungeons & Dragons Adventure of All Time in 2004...considering it was published in 1978, that's a lot of years to stay in the Top Three of any category.

Nine pages. How long do you think it takes to read S1? To prep it for play? To actually play the game?

How long do you think it takes to read and prep a 150+ page monstrosity?

Jesus H...how long do you think it takes to complete a 4th edition romp through the "New & Improved" Tomb of Horrors? An evening of play? A full weekend? A mother-freaking year? You'll have to tell me, 'cause I won't buy the mother-f****r. It would be less use to me than a $30 door stop (at least a doorstop is shaped better to hold the door).

They say there's no such thing as "bad publicity," so I should probably completely ignore this product. Nah. Go ahead and buy it, if you feel like being a sucker for WotC. If we put money in their pockets, they'll continue to publish this kind of shit, riding the coattails of the legends that came before them rather than attempting to create their own legacy.

And then I'll have more to write about on my blog.

Ugh.

***EDIT: I changed the title of this post...I'm sure something more tragic and damning will rear its head in the future requiring the "J.H.C." label...no sense wasting it here***

Realizations

I had a couple minor epiphanies yesterday (what do you know…it was Wedesday, which is the day of thought as described by Wotan, Odin, and Mercury). Now in the spirit of Thor’s Day, I’ll be expansive and share ‘em with y’all.

#1 I might be past my prime. All these numerous aches and pains (and injuries) that seem to be taking forever to heal, not to mention my receding hairline, may be indicative of the fact that I’m on the other side of 36 and am not doing nearly enough to stay young…you know: yoga, vegan diet, fasting, abstaining from booze, living in the country and drinking pure, mountain spring water. I’ll need to ramp up my “healthful living” if I’m going to keep up with all those young bloggers around the sphere.

#2 Every single adventure module I dig, appreciate, or find myself inspired by was written BEFORE 1985. With the possible exception of Return to White Plume Mountain (1999) and maybe H2: The Mines of Bloodstone (1986)…but the former is based on my favorite original module and the latter seems mainly a pastiche of D1 and D3. Regardless, it’s fairly sad to realize that the Unearthed Arcana, possibly my favorite RPG book OF ALL TIME up till the age of 15 or 16 (really!) is the great dividing line between the gold and the dross…or rather “The Shit” and the shitty.

I should note that while the information from the UA was immediately incorporated (upon its publication) into my long-running D&D campaign, we (my friends and I) had mainly grown beyond modules (writing our own PC-specific adventures) at the time, so the drop-off in module quality was imperceptible. Oh, our co-DM continued to purchase some, but in general she cannibalized ‘em and made ‘em fit her own purposes. There was nothing I saw or read (or played or ran) after 1985 that really got me cranked the way those early adventures did. With the possible exception of the two modules I list above.

Why am I even looking at this? Well, hard-on-the-heels of yesterday's post I started thinking about the specific AD&D modules that inspired me. Yes that’s right: I wanted to post a NEW LIST! Whereas previously I listed my Top Ten D&D modules for ANY edition (and yet still none are later than 1985), this new list is AD&D only and may include modules that I haven’t actually played OR ran as the DM. This is purely inspirational stuff for me…i.e. it makes me want to play AD&D just flipping through ‘em or thinking about ‘em.

Top Ten Inspirational AD&D Modules

#10 WG4: The Forgotten Temple of Tharizdun – I admit it, I have never played or ran this module. In fact, I’ve owned it for less than a year. And it looks DAMN tough to “solve” or “get right.” However, I have run S4 which also looked tough (in fact, no one I’ve run through it has ever survived to get to the deeper caverns) and this one is shorter, more focused and, hell, more scary. I love it.

#9 G3: Hall of the Fire Giant King – The G series did not make my Top Ten list of modules that I want to play, but the 3rd module of the trilogy is about as “D&D” as a module gets. Giants, Drow, scheming dwarves, red dragons, weird elder gods, chests full of treasure (and poison needle traps!), a river of lava…and three descending levels…this is the archetypal dungeon delve as far as I’m concerned, even beating the pants off B2. Plus, as far as ambience goes, darkness back-lit by the glow of magma is pretty rope-a-dope.

#8 & #7 A3: Aerie of the Slave Lords and A4: Dungeon of the Slave Lords – I wasn’t exactly sure how to rank these as (similar to WG4) I have never played/run them. Lawrence Schick’s A4 is truly inspiring…I only wish I had a group of players adventurous enough to try it out! And it does seem to be a fitting climax to the series. A3 on the other hand is one of the few valid arguments for the separation of race and class, as I’m not sure you could really have the same type of show-down with simple B/X archetypes (I’ll have to try re-writing it and see). However, it is the city of the Slave Lords that makes me want to play AD&D, as I can see a good group of players spending many sessions role-playing their explorations of the town…all those random encounter tables of AD&D get a chance to shine!

#6 S2: White Plume Mountain – some may think it’s strange that the module I’ve blogged about so much doesn’t crack the Top 5. The fact of the matter is I DO consider it one of the best written modules of all time (certainly it’s one of my favorites). But as far as INSPIRING me to play…well, maybe I’ve just ran it so many times over the years that it doesn’t give me the same juice as the next five on the list.

#5 N1: Against the Cult of the Reptile God – this is the last adventure module on the list that I haven’t actually played or ran. However, for whatever reason, just holding it in my hands wants me to break out the PHB, roll up an elven fighter and equip him with ring mail and a long sword. Reading N1 I just think it is an excellent module for a group of experienced, MATURE role-players that want to start a new campaign with low level characters. There’s just so much more meat to it than the average low level adventure…it makes me want to start a campaign (case in point: I have run T1: The Village of Hommelet and it doesn’t make my list of inspiring modules, despite being excellent).

#4 S1: Tomb of Horrors – As with G3 and S2, I have plenty of experience with this module and a lot of feelings/memories associated with it. For that reason alone, it gets my heart racing to play AD&D. However, if I could find any players crazy enough to try it, I would jump at the chance to run it again. Hell, I’d even let them roll up characters using the Unearthed Arcana!

#3 D2: Shrine of the Kuo-Toa – it was tough figuring out which number D2 comes in at. I love the fish guys, I love the vaguely Lovecraftian nature of their slimy under-city, and the cover art by Roslov is VERY inspiring. As with G3, I find something very archetypally “D&D” about D1 and D2, but especially the latter. And as with A3, the inclusion of different classes for the KT in such an interesting fashion makes it tough to hang onto my “race as class” hardliner stance.

#2 I1: Dwellers of the Forbidden City – now that I’ve got the first 8 listed, #2 on the list is really a no-brainer. The artwork alone (exterior and interior) shouts AD&D, and even the tasloi images (I am NOT a fan of tasloi) makes me want to run a game, let alone the yuan-ti (of whom I AM a fan). The module has everything one needs to run a short session, or a multi-session mini-campaign, and I totally dig on that. Even the pre-generated characters (including a bard, a druid, and a half-orc cleric!) are super cool. I will always remember I1 as the first module I read that included an evil wizard’s SPELL BOOK as part of the treasure trove (and probably the best treasure I’d ever seen). I don’t even think Gygax gave spell books to his Drow magic-users, a gross oversight if you ask me.

#1 Q1: Queen of the Demonweb Pits – I love this module. Every time I see it I want to start an AD&D campaign. If that’s not the definition of “inspiring” I don’t know what is. I know I’ve said elsewhere that White Plume Mountain may be the best module ever written due to its tight focus and great example of D&Disms, but this is probably my favorite module of all time. Truly. I don’t even need to HOLD the damn thing to get inspired…just seeing the ultra-creepy cover on display makes me want to play it. The map is a masterpiece. The interior art is excellent. The dimensional gates can provide years of adventuring. As with the Kuo-Toa, the Driders make a pretty fair argument for separating class and race (by the way, driders as a concept are probably one of my favorite D&D monsters of all time). Lolth is a badass…probably the coolest original monster entry of 1st edition AD&D, not based on a legendary or mythic figure (THAT would probably be Demogorgon). Even the NAME of the module is inspiring. It’s like the name for some 1981 heavy metal album (probably British, like Iron Maiden or Ozzie). And from experience, I can say that playing OR running this module makes me want to play MORE D&D. Honestly, this is hands-down the most inspirational AD&D module I own.

Happy Thursday, folks!

: )