Time Takes A While

Three years ago today we buried Isaac at Dunham cemetery. The recent anniversaries- his 26th birthday on 23rd November, the third anniversary of his death on the 3oth November- were heavy and gruelling, the weeks of build up as they loomed over us and then the days themselves. The anniversary of his funeral is a bit different, it doesn't feel as heavy somehow although I had a couple of twinges yesterday when it bumped up against my emotions. 

I was down at the cemetery on Sunday, just popping by to say hello and check the flowers were all still ok. It struck me that we've developed all sorts of little acts of remembrance in the three years since his funeral. The weekly visits to see him (and now when we go it doesn't feel like we're going to see him- at first it felt awful, a bottomless hole of grief, standing in a wind and rain blasted field staring at his plot, but the more we've been the more it's changed): the replacing of the flowers; the way that when they're in season I always want to have sunflowers in the vase next to him; the bringing back of trinkets and mementos from holidays for his grave; the association with the number 23; the thing with robins I wrote about last week; the busses that go past on the road in the distance; even the electricity pylons that cross overhead very close by and the pigs that live in the field behind the cemetery have become part of the whole. When we go to the grave I always touch his name on the headstone before leaving. All these have become mixed up in his death and in his grave. I'm not a religious person but I understand why people light candles in cathedrals. Acts of remembrance and little rituals that bring some kind of comfort. 

We played some songs for him at the funeral- North Country Boy by The Charlatans as we entered the chapel, You And Me Song by The Wannadies (Eliza's choice), Sketch For Summer by Durutti Column as a slideshow of photographs of him played, and then at the graveside Race For The Prize by The Flaming Lips and the Beatless mix of Sabres Of Paradise's Smokebelch. 

Isaac's Funeral Mix

I can listen to them all now, something I wasn't sure I'd be able to do three years ago- You And Me Song has the capacity to move me to tears and North Country Boy still packs a powerful punch but when I hear them I want to listen to them play in full, I don't reach for the off button. Three years on from that day it does feel like a lot of time has passed while seeming like it was just yesterday too. 

In 2023 Daniel Avery followed his Ultra Truth album with a seven track collection of B-sides and bonus material which included this beautiful piece of weightless ambient techno...

Time Takes A While

Isaac's Mix

This is Isaac's name on the Covid memorial in London, and his heart too, recently renovated by a friend. It was his funeral a year ago today. The recent anniversaries of his birthday and a week later the first anniversary of his death weighed very heavily on us for weeks before and there was quite a hangover after too. The anniversary of the funeral hasn't had the same effect. 

The day of the funeral itself, a year ago,was awful- the waiting for the hearse, the drive to the crematorium, the wait I had to stand up and read out the eulogy I'd written, the walk to the grave... all of it. It's not something I'd ever wish to live through again. 

The wake afterwards was a blur. I spoke to some people and barely to others. We found ourselves asking each other, 'was so- and- so at the wake? Did I speak to them?', for days and weeks afterwards. The number of people who attended either or both events was testament to Isaac and the effect he had on people. The friend who wrote the epitaph on his heart at the Covid memorial got it exactly right. 

These are the five songs we played at the funeral, sequenced into one mix in the order that they were played. They've all changed for me since that day, the songs and their meanings shifting in ways big and small. I guess that was inevitable. 

Isaac's Mix

• The Charlatans: North Country Boy
• Durutti Column: Sketch For Summer
• The Wannadies: You & Me Song
• The Flaming Lips: Race For The Prize
• The Sabres Of Paradise: Smokeblech II (Beatless Mix)

Back in 1998 a friend, Neil, bought Isaac a copy of North Country Boy on 7" when he was born and it's a song I've associated with him ever since. Isaac was after all a north country boy. When we walked into the chapel as the drums and slide guitar kicked in I did briefly shudder and think to myself, 'Oh shit, what have we done, I'll never get through this song'. Some of the lines have an extra resonance now. You can probably work out which ones. In September this year I saw The Charlatans play it as part of their hits set at New Century Hall in Manchester. Quite a moment. 

Vini Reilly's music has been part of my life since about 1987 and I wanted some of it played at the funeral. There was a section in the service where a slideshow of photos of Isaac played and Sketch For Summer was the accompanying music, Vini's wonderful guitar and Martin Hannett's production and synths filling the room. Originally I wanted to use Otis but the sampled vocal, 'another sleepless night for me' was too much. 

You & Me Song was Eliza's choice and I can't hear the song now without crying. She has a print of the lyrics on her wall in her room. It's her song, and his, forever.

Race For The Prize tells of two scientists competing to find an un- named cure, with the pay off line, 'they're just human/ with wives and children'. The strings swoop and swell and it careers to its ending. It's a glorious song, emotional and inspiring. Back at the turn of the millennium my brother- in- law Harvey used to film everything. When we went on family holidays or met up he'd shoot loads of camcorder footage and he'd then edit it into short films with songs over the top. There's loads of footage of Isaac, his cousin Orlan and Eliza being children. In 2002 we went to the north east for a week in August and stayed in a cottage near Alnwick. Isaac had spent the period 1999- 2001 in and out of hospital, including in 2000 a long period of time undergoing two bone marrow transplants. Isaac's transplant was cutting edge, revolutionary stuff, only the second of its kind in the world. It saved his life and gave him the next two decades with us. Two scientists racing for the prize. Harvey's film of Isaac aged three and Orland aged two running around the garden in the sun with Race For The Prize playing, a beautiful coming together of images, music and words stuck with me, and it made sense to play the song at the graveside even if the meaning was unknown to almost everyone there.

Smokebelch II- Weatherall's moment of beauty from 1993. I've lost myself a few times to that song. I will do again I'm sure.