The Lucky 13 Returns! Week Six: Horror Musicals

Ring-a-ding-ding, Vault dwellers! For those heathens who may not be aware, this past weekend marked what would have been the 95th birthday of the one and only Francis Albert Sinatra, who only happens to be my very favorite musical performer of all time. And so, I managed to coerce both Brutal as Hell and the crew here into dedicating this week of The Lucky 13 Returns to horror musicals and music-related horror films in general.

So pour yourself a Jack & Coke, light up a Lucky Strike, and swing easy, baby! It's what Frank would've wanted...

B-Sol on The Wicker Man (1973)

It's interesting that this film is very often not really thought of as a musical, but it kind of is. It contains a couple of very atmospheric folk tunes from Paul Giovanni ("Corn Rigs" and "Gently Johnny") which totally stop the dramatic proceedings in their tracks. And as with most well-done films of musical bent, this does no harm to the film whatsoever--rather, it enhances it. And of course, we also have the deeply disturbing Middle English rondo "Sumer Is Icumen In" performed during the picture's chilling climax.

So we've established that the British cult classic is very much about music as well as horror. What we also need to establish is what a damn fine horror film it is. But you don't need me to tell you that. The Wicker Man is, simply put, one of the finest horror films ever made, and still has the power to shock in a very real way. Interestingly enough, the movie's sheer shock factor is in direct counterbalance to the hauntingly beautiful music featured throughout. And if anything, that juxtaposition makes the whole thing even more terrifying than it would have been otherwise.

There's a reason this film consistently makes just about every short list of the greatest horror films of all time. And while it's an even bigger deal in the U.K. than it is here in the States, it is definitely the kind of cult classic movie that needs to be seen and appreciated by all who consider themselves serious enthusiasts of the genre. Christopher Lee is at his insidious best, and of course Edward Woodward is so damn powerful in the lead role of Sgt. Howie. If you have never seen The Wicker Man (and I mean the original here--don't bother seeing the remake unless you need a good laugh), then do me a favor and fix that right away, okay? Very good.



Missy Yearian of Chickapin Parish on Wild Zero (1999)

When I first watched Wild Zero, I was pretty sure I had stepped into an alternate dimension. I had never seen anything so absurd in all my life. In fact, I am pretty sure I will never see anything quite that absurd. Wild Zero is ninety odd minutes of insanity, and it’s one of the funnest experiences one could have with a movie, but even within all that senselessness, there is something deeper going on.

Ace is obsessed with the band Guitar Wolf (played by the real-life band of the same name). When he witnesses a club owner about to hoodwink the band, he stands up for them. Ace and the band vow revenge on their double-crosser Captain. Meanwhile, space aliens land on Earth causing the dead to rise in rural Japan. As they fight for their lives, Ace falls in love with a young transgender named Tobio.

Yeah, it’s a bit of a convoluted mess, but it’s a pretty incredible one. From Guitar Wolf throwing guitar picks to protect himself to Captain’s incredibly tight hot pants, the film is an experiment in what-the-fuckery. While I might have said those words at least forty times while watching the film, I was still engrossed all the way through.

The factor that holds the whole film together is the love story. Ace and Tobio begin sweetly, but as her trans status becomes an issue the film manages to pull itself out of its own farce just enough to ally itself with a queer agenda—and all before the turn of the century. The film is incredibly entertaining, and while it might not seem like it’s coming out firmly on the side of queer politics, given its release year, it’s really quite ground-breaking. So if you decide to sit down and take in this strange little zombie romantic comedy, look forward to one of the most ludicrous activist films ever made.



C.L. Hadden of Fascination with Fear on Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007)

The legend of Sweeney Todd has been immortalized on stage and screen countless times throughout the years, and there have always been questions raised as to the validity of the supposedly true story. Starting out as a penny dreadful in the mid 1800's, it was most recently adapted for the screen in Tim Burton's 2007 version starring Johnny Depp in the title role.

Sweeney Todd: The Demon of Fleet Street is first and foremost a musical, and uses the Stephen Sondheim/Hugh Wheeler music and lyrics made popular in the late 70's Broadway smash. At once dark a dark and sinister production, the songs tell the story of Benjamin Barker (Depp), a simple man - a barber - whose life is forever changed when the corrupt Judge Turpin (the eternally impressive Alan Rickman) covets Barker's beautiful wife and goes to extremes to see her his. He throws Barker in prison on a trumped up charge and moves his heartbroken wife and young daughter into his own home.

Fifteen years later Barker is back, now calling himself Sweeney Todd. He's hellbent for revenge after he finds out his wife has poisoned herself and Turpin has his daughter Johanna (Jayne Wisener) locked away in an upstairs room of his home. He sets up a barber shop above the overly-zealous Mrs. Lovett's (Helena Bonham Carter) pie shoppe with the intent of luring Turpin there. Thing is, Todd isn't just shaving necks, he's slicing them open and sending the bodies to the basement through a trap door in the floor. Once in the bowels of the meat market the corpses are ground up and used in Mrs. Lovett's meat pies. Gah!

Oh the scandal of it all! To think something such as this would be made not only into a movie but into a musical is in and of itself a bizarre notion. But trust me, it works. A bleak and overtly grim London is portrayed in the seediest fashion imaginable, with poverty and hardship duly noted as our characters interact with not only each other but the hopeless city itself. Not a singer by trade, Depp's performance is actually more than just acceptable. He does an excellent job with the material, and had even the most wary critics backing him when the film came out. Bonham-Carter's voice isn't quite as stellar, but she certainly looks the part.

While it may seem to be a far stretch from your typical musical - and it certainly is a graphic little slice of cinema - Sweeney Todd is the musical for people who hate musicals. And it's perfect for horror fans. You do have to wait awhile for the gory carnage to start, but about halfway through the film the red stuff starts to flow freely. How they depict this on stage is beyond me, but Burton's film version not only looks amazing, but pulls off the story in fine fashion and is more than worth a look. After all, the bottom line is they are grinding people up and eating them. Even if you hate musicals, you have to admit that's pretty nasty.



* * * * * * * * * *

Join us next week for the Christmas edition of The Lucky 13 Returns!

Week 1: Halloween
Week 2: Man vs. Nature
Week 3: Veteran's Day
Week 4: Thanksgiving
Week 5: Hanukkah

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21st Century Terrors, Part 7: 2006

If the early to mid '00s can be seen as a period of growth, rebirth and renewal for horror films, then it's entirely possible that 2006 was the year the horror bubble burst.

The media and the masses had witnessed the ascendancy of the genre into the mainstream, and Hollywood was apparently watching as well. As with many things, everybody wanted to jump on the bandwagon, and this, dear readers, is when things tend to get run into the ground. Seeing the success of horror at the box office, lots of people wanted, to quote Vic Tayback, a piece of the action.

Naturally, the conclusion lots of folks jump to when a phenomenon like this occurs is that what worked before will work again, and to an even greater level. But this discounts the law of diminished returns, and what tends to happen is that an initial good idea gets beaten to death (sort of like the point I've been making in the past three paragraphs).

To put an even finer point on things, 2006 was the year the infamous remake craze really went off the rails. What started as a semi-interesting concept, taking classic horror flicks of recent decades and retooling them for today's horror audience, suddenly became an exercise in extreme banality. I give you, for example, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning--a prequel to a remake, and the movie that let us know that the only reason Leatherface likes to dress in women's clothes and eat people is that he was picked on in the schoolyard.

We had films like When a Stranger Calls, The Omen and Black Christmas, slick redos of '70s horror fare tweaked for the YouTube generation, in the process completely missing the point of what made the originals work. Critically/commercially successful remakes of recent years, things like Dawn of the Dead, for example, seemed to have opened the floodgates for those who believed that just about any horror property of the past was fair game. And as the ensuing years wore on--and right into the present day--the practice continues, much to the consternation of genre die-hards everywhere.

But chief among all of these, and more than deserving of being singled out, would be the poster movie for horrifically bad remakes--The Wicker Man. This unintentionally perversely funny disaster of a film seemed to be the distillation of everything that was going wrong regarding Hollywood's new obsession with remaking horror movies. Every ounce of what made the immortal original film work so well seemed to have been scientifically removed, with the gripping Edward Woodward replaced by Nic Cage doing a caricature of himself, and the austere and foreboding Chris Lee replaced by a granola-crunching Ellen Burstyn.

On the positive side, the movie became a kind of camp classic in the MST3K mode, an instant cult fave for those who simply can't get enough of really bad movies. But the sad thing was that it was intended to be a serious, modern revision of a thriller revered by filmgoers for years. In other words, it was the product of folks completely out of touch with the genre they were representing, and the audience they were aiming it at.

That said, one particular remake of 2006, in all fairness, did stand out from the rest, gaining a bit more of a fan following, and that was Alexandre Aja's intense retelling of the Wes Craven chestnut The Hills Have Eyes. Some--this blogger included--even declared that one to be superior to the original. But sadly, Hills Have Eyes would prove to be part of a dwindling exception.

And if remakes weren't derivative enough, the sequel engine continued to churn 'em out, as well. Saw and Final Destination, two of the decade's chief horror franchises, put out their third chapters in 2006. The Grudge (in itself an American remake of an Asian film), also put out a sequel as well, one which was poorly received, to say the least.

But don't let it be said that 2006 didn't nevertheless offer some worthwhile stuff in the way of actual, original (or reasonably original) material and ideas. After all, 2006 was also the year of the deviantly funny Slither, and Poultrygeist. Love them or hate them, there were plenty of fans who would take them any day of the week over another dull remake/sequel.

A few of these non-remake/sequels particularly stand out. One of these is Hatchet. Putting my own personal preferences aside, Adam Green's Hatchet was a direct response to the glut of unimaginative stuff being foisted upon the populace, and admittedly tried to do something new--a fresh take on the horror movie sensibilities of the 1980s. Part Scream, part Rob Zombie. The buzz on the film was tremendous, and even though fans were divided between those who dug the film's quirky approach and those who found it a rather overhyped affair, it certainly got fans talking.

Another of these was Fido, a Canadian export which proved that despite the well-worn path carved by the likes of Return of the Living Dead and Shaun of the Dead, there was still great stuff to be mined in the subgenre of zombie comedy. Grafting the Romero mythos onto a retro-1950s aesthetic, Fido was somehow able to take a bunch of derivative sources and synthesize them into a truly fun and original idea. In a year in which horror seemed to be losing its creative way to a degree, Fido was a glimmer of hope.

And thirdly, from across the Pacific came The Host, a powerful reinvention of the old-school kaiji subgenre from South Korea. The most fascinating giant monster picture to come along in years, The Host managed to pack a terrific punch without becoming self-referential or relying on nostalgia for or knowledge of the lengthy tradition of Asian monster movies that had come before. It also pretty much directly led to the American marketing barrage known as Cloverfield.

Responding to the need for originality, albeit ignoring the need for quality, the After Dark Horrorfest series would also kick off in 2006. Yes, 2006 was the year that gave us "8 Films to Die For". The most widely distributed "filmfest" package of its kind, After Dark Horrorfest would assemble eight films from independent filmmakers, and grant them wide distribution across America.

It was a testament to the box office clout of horror that such a distribution deal was able to be struck, but with films like Penny Dreadful, The Gravedancers and Wicked Little Things, it became clear that for the most part they were typical direct-to-video specials. Nevertheless, the After Dark Horrorfest continues to this day, and is a viable conduit for B-horror flicks to still reach the public in a theatrical format.

The horror movie business may have begun to eat itself in 2006, but it was far from out of steam. Complaining or not, fans continued to turn out in droves, and the sheer number of projects was staggering. Although the horror bubble may arguably have burst, there would still be some major twists and turns in store before the end of the decade.

Also in 2006:

• Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon
• Black Sheep
• Night of the Living Dead: 3-D
• See No Evil
• Silent Hill
• Snoop Dogg's Hood of Horror
• Turistas

Part 1: 2000
Part 2: 2001
Part 3: 2002
Part 4: 2003
Part 5: 2004
Part 6: 2005

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NOT THE BEES!!!

Glorious. Thanks to BJ-C for this one. Guaranteed to be the most you laugh all day. From the Wicker Man remake, of course--number one on my recent list of the 25 Most Notoriously Awful Horror Movies of the Decade...

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The 25 Most Notoriously Awful Horror Movies of the Decade

I really tried hard not to get sucked into this whole list mania. I did. But with this big end of the year/end of the decade thing going on, the temptation has proven too great (and yes, all you decade purists, I said "end of the decade"--perception equals reality, deal with it.)

If you're looking for the greatest movies of the past decade, look elsewhere. You can find some handy lists to that effect at blogs like Horror-Movie-a-Day, Dollar Bin Horror, The Spooky Brew and of course, The Vault's own sister blog, Day of the Woman. That's not what I'm here for tonight. I'm here to celebrate and commemorate the terrible, the atrocious, the near-unwatchable.

Just as in any given time period, there have been a near-limitless number of really bad horror movies made in the 2000s. In order to keep it to a neat list of 25, I'm focusing on the most notoriously bad--the turkeys that we recognize the most for being the worst, spanning the years 2000 to 2009. In many cases, these are the flicks we love to watch because they're so bad; in others cases, these are flicks so bad we really have no desire to watch them at all.

So take it for what it's worth: The Vault of Horror's 25 Most Notoriously Awful Horror Movies of the Decade...

25. Ghost Ship (2002)
This one gets the enviable spot of being the lowest ranked among the worst movies, by virtue of the unforgettably implausible-yet-awesome opening scene. Unfortunately, it was completely downhill from there, and it's almost unfathomable to believe the same guy who starred in Miller's Crossing starred in this abomination.

24. Bruiser (2000)
Sorry, George Romero. I love you and all, and your Living Dead movies are part of the reason I--and many of us--are horror fanatics on the first place. But this...well, it just wasn't exactly your shining hour. And this is coming from a defender of both Land and Diary of the Dead. Maybe this is why the guy feels the need to stick to the undead.

23. See No Evil (2006)
Yeah, I worked for WWE, so what? Sour grapes, you say? Well yeah, but that's besides the point. If you think it's just due to bitterness, then you obviously never saw this sorry, derivative excuse for a slasher flick (derivative slasher flick--redundant? You be the judge.) I had the "privilege" of reading the script beforehand, and knew even then that it wouldn't even be worthy of the dollar bin.

22. Man-Thing (2005)
You can point to Ang Lee's Hulk as the "jump the shark" moment of Marvel movies--I point to this actively painful affair. I have adored this character since I was a little kid--way cooler than that other guy at DC--and so wanted this to be awesome. Yet it skipped a theatrical or even direct-to-vid release and went straight to the mother-lovin' Sci-Fi Channel. A sad day, True Believers...

21. The Gingerdead Man (2005)
Most decidedly in the "so bad it's good" category, but still, I'd be remiss if I didn't include this epitome of the lame horror concept movie. File it right next to Jack Frost and Uncle Sam in the "We've run out of ideas" section.

20. Halloween: Resurrection (2002)
Yeah, let's pit Michael Myers against... Busta Rhymes! And while we're at it, throw Tyra into the mix! Oh yeah, and let's kill off that pesky Laurie Strode character in the first ten minutes--who needs her, anyway? They just couldn't leave well enough alone with the far-better-than-it-should-have-been H20, could they?

19. Queen of the Damned (2002)
Yeah, Aaliyah's dead, I know. That was a decade ago, so trashing this movie is fair game. Hell, people were even doing it then, that's how god-awful this thing is. What a classic missed opportunity to make good on Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles after that woefully miscast 1994 essay in mediocrity. I didn't think anyone could make a worse Lestat than Tom Cruise until I saw Stuart "Fired from the role of Aragorn in Lord of the Rings" Townsend.

18. Hood of Horror (2006)
A blatantly racist and hamfisted attempt to cash in on the "Ooooh girrrll--don't go in that room!!" segment of the horror audience--hosted by the one guy I think of when I think horror. That's right--Snoop Dogg! The only thing scary about this guy is the concept of his children getting old enough to understand the lyrics of his songs.

17. Mother of Tears (2007)
If I live 100 years, I don't know if I'll be able to wrap my brain around the notion that the same guy who made Suspiria, Tenebre and Deep Red also made this colossal strunzo. I had the extreme displeasure of coming across it one late night on cable and literally had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't simply dreaming I lived in a world in which Dario Argento was an unbearable hack.

16. Shark in Venice (2008)
See: "Gingerdead Man". But seriously, how did it take this damn long for someone to come up with a movie about a shark rampaging through Venice, the world's only floating city?? A guilty pleasure if ever there was one, but let's not get so euphoric that we forget this is actually really, reeaally bad.

15. One Missed Call (2008)
Forget worst horror movies of the decade, I've actually come across a few worst movies of the decade, period, that included this one. Now that's an accomplishment! Plus it also has the distinction of having one of the worst movie posters of the decade as well.

14. Night of the Living Dead 3-D (2006)
I'll admit, I was fooled by this one. A NOTLD remake starring Sid Haig? Count me in! Plus, the zombies looked really bad-ass. But wow. This actually made the infamous John Russo "special edition" of the original NOTLD look like Casablanca. Take that, Captain Spaulding fans who thought this was gonna be great!

13. Flight of the Living Dead (2007)
More zombie awfulness! Hmmm... We had Snakes on a Plane, plus we have a cool title that sounds kind of like Night of the Living Dead--let's build a whole movie around it! Of course, if they had actually paid attention to the Snakes on a Plane phenomenon, they'd have seen that all the hip and edgy internet hype in the world will not save a movie that is that bad--guess what, all you irony-loving millennials: No one gave a crap! So why anyone would actually want to emulate it is beyond me.

12. Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis/Rave to the Grave (2005)
Yes, I'm cheating a bit here. But these two ripe stools are basically one extended project, filmed back-to-back, if I'm not mistaken. That's right, kids, it's the 4th and 5th chapters in the ROTLD series, the ones we wish we could all forget ever happened. Trioxin-as-Exctacy... Tarman-as-comic-relief... Plus, the worst crime Peter Coyote's committed since he almost killed E.T.

11. Exorcist: The Beginning (2004)
The most wrong-headed of all prequels, made by the patron saint of soulless mercenary directors, Renny Harlin, after the studio rejected the version made by Paul Schrader that actually showed signs of, ya know, being interesting and original and stuff. At least Exorcist II was fun to watch, if only to hear Richard Burton say "Pazuzu". But this is just no fun at all...

10. Mansquito (2005)
Yes, this was a TV movie and I'm bending the rules again. But this was so very famously bad, how could I ever leave it out? Can you imagine the size of the balls on someone who could actually bring themselves to write a script and actually type the title "Mansquito" at the top of it? Breathtaking.

9. Alien vs. Predator: Requiem (2007)
The original Alien vs. Predator was bad, but nothing even remotely close to this. The sheer enormity of so profoundly screwing up two such beloved franchises in one fell swoop is not something I think anyone fully appreciates yet, but rest assured that history will commemorate this colossal entry in the annals of stupidity. Whoever thought a movie in which Aliens fight Predators could be so utterly impossible to enjoy in any way?

8. Halloween 2 (2009)
Sitting there in the dark as Rob Zombie's sweeping ode to the pitfalls of pretentious self-indulgence unspooled before my eyes, I had to ask myself that ominous question: "Is this supposed to be a joke?" But alas, it was not. It appears Mr. Zombie actually intended for this to be taken seriously as a horror film. But as Alex Trebek might say, "Oh... Sorry, so sorry." I don't even know where to begin, so I won't.

7. I Know Who Killed Me (2007)
Without a doubt, the Glitter of horror movies. Lindsay Lohan is bad even by Lindsay Lohan standards in a role that justly earned her the coveted Razzie Award. Take watered-down torture porn, cross it with the plot of an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie--if Arnold was an anorexic stripper--then fold in a generous helping of suck, and you have this crime against humanity.

6. FeardotCom (2002)
And speaking of crimes against humanity... Would you ever think a movie starring Stephen Dorff, Udo Kier, Stephen Rea and Jeffrey Combs could be unwatchably bad? You would if you ever saw this one. And as a bonus, we get the worst horror movie tagline of the decade: "Want to see a really killer website? It's the last site you'll ever see." Douche chills.

5. Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000)
One of the most infamous "dropping the ball" moments in recent movie history... Someone apparently thought that doing a straightforward, traditional horror flick sequel to The Blair Witch Project would somehow be a good idea. This person could probably be categorized with George Custer's military strategist, and the guy who designed the Titanic.

4. The Happening (2008)
While I will say that there are several films ranked lower on this list that are a lot worse than this one, what makes The Happening so egregious is that it was touted as such an amazing movie, and thus the letdown when watching Mark Wahlberg and Zooey Deschanel wander aimlessly for 90 minutes was the equivalent of falling off the top of the Empire State Building. When you rent Shark in Venice, you know what you're in for--but this? Although after Lady in the Water, perhaps we should've known.

3. Day of the Dead (2008)
If Wikipedia were wise, then on their entry for "Horrendous", they would include a link to this movie's IMDB page. Steve Miner should most likely be incarcerated for taking such a blood-tinged piss upon the legacy of George Romero. Mena Suvari as a Marine; the complete neutering of Rhodes, one of the great horror villains of all time; and of course Bub morphing into Bob, the vegetarian zombie--what more evidence do I need, your honor?

2. House of the Dead (2003)
I had a tough time picking a definitive number-one, because this certainly is a doozy, and if you had it as your own personal number-one, I certainly wouldn't blame you. So much abuse has been heaped on Uwe Boll at this point that it's like beating up a little kid in a schoolyard, who also happens to have no limbs and be in a coma. Yet to paraphrase Amadeus, when one sees such sights, what can one say but, "Uwe Boll"?

1. The Wicker Man (2006)
"NOT THE BEES!!" I can honestly say, without reservation, that this remake of the 1973 unassailable British classic is the most notoriously awful horror movie of the 2000s. In fact, I would probably rank it among the 10 worst movies of the past decade, of any kind. If you can get past the utter raping of one of horror's most sublimely brilliant films, it's worth seeing for a really good laugh, and Nicolas Cage's performance alone is proof that there is no God--or least that He has given up on us completely.

DISHONORABLE MENTION:

• An American Haunting
• Doom
• Dracula 2000
• Eight-Legged Freaks
• Primeval
• The Eye
• The Ring 2

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Requiescant in Pace 2009: Part 2

Jane Randolph


David Carradine


Clayton "Sweater Zombie" Hill


Vic Mizzy (composer)


Edward Woodward


Dan O'Bannon (director, screenwriter)

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Edward Woodward 1930-2009

The great English star of stage and screen, Edward Albert Arthur Woodward OBE, passed on this morning at the age of 79. For many, he might have been known as the star of The Equalizer, a late 1980s private detective TV series (on which my great uncle appeared a bunch of times as an extra). But to horror fans, and fans of genre cinema in general, he will always be known as the self-righteous Scottish policeman Sgt. Howie, star of the ultimate cult classic, The Wicker Man.

Aside from the 1973 masterpiece, Woodward did little else in the genre--a minor 1970 flick called Incense of the Damned, with Peter Cushing and Patrick Macnee, being a rare exception. Yet, for most us, his iconic performance in The Wicker Man is more than enough to cement him amongst the immortals of horror film history. Clicking on the picture below will take you to video of the infamous closing scene of the film--one of the most harrowing and truly horrifying endings to a fright flick you will ever see. Alongside Christopher Lee, Woodward gave one of the finest lead performances in a horror movie, ever. Let's remember him today.

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The Tuesday Top 10: Faith-Based Horror Movies

I was recently asked to put together a list of the top faith-based horror films for Bloody-Disgusting... However, because Brad "Don't call me Mr. Disgusting" Miska is a busy dude, the list was accidentally assigned to two different writers--and damn it, I wasn't fast enough! Not one to let good copy go to waste, I've decided to "repurpose" the list--as we say in the marketing business--which means that now all you loyal Vault Dwellers get to enjoy it exclusively!

BJ-C had been helping me put this one together, but she's off the hook now--saved by baton nationals! However, keep your greasy eyeballs peeled for the newest VoH/DotW collabo in the days/weeks to come... For now, enjoy this breakdown of the most memorable horror flicks with religious themes:

10. Angel Heart (1987)
Robert DeNiro plays the Devil (oh excuse me, Louis Cypher) in this horror noir which was unfairly maligned upon release, but has since aged like a fine wine. Plus it has that infamous sex scene between Mickey Rourke and Lisa Bonet. What would the Cos say? Oh wait, he was too busy asking interns to tug on his Jell-O pudding pop...

9. Stigmata (1999)
I didn't expect much from this one when I first saw it, but it surprised me--both in its effectiveness, and its knowledgeable use of Christian folklore. Patricia Arquette is freaky in the title role of Frankie Paige, a girl afflicted with the wounds of Christ. And of course, Gabriel Byrne is Gabriel Byrne. As a recovering Catholic, this one was much appreciated.

8. Signs (2002)
I might catch heat for this one, but Signs deals very pointedly and frankly with the common problem of crisis of faith. If that doesn't make it "faith-based", I don't know what would. Mel Gibson plays a fallen priest whose brush with invading aliens causes him to reassess his relationship with the magic dude in the sky.

7. Seven (1995)
Yes, I refuse to spell it in that goofy way with the number 7 in the title. I'm cranky that way. Anyway, thanks to BJ-C for suggesting this one. For the handful of you that might not know the plot, Seven features the serial killer John Doe, whose murders are each based around one of the seven deadly sins. Think of him as Jigsaw, if Jigsaw had gone to Sunday school.

6. Hellraiser (1987)
While not so much tied into any recognizable organized religion, Clive Barker's masterwork is highly spiritual in nature. And of course, there's the whole "Hell" thing, which is kind of hard to get around. The Cenobites are clearly New Age demons, and there is much made of the universal balance of good and evil, which is all very Zoroastrian. Thank you, liberal arts education!

5. Faust (1926)
Four years after Nosferatu, F.W. Murnau delivered his other amazing epic, the screen's finest adaptations of one of Christianity's most famous legends. God and Satan do battle over the soul of Faust in Goethe's literary masterwork, brought to life in boldly visual fashion by the master of German Expressionism.

4. Rosemary's Baby (1968)
Yes, we're getting into the "predictable zone" here, so sue me. This is the film that ushered in the era of "Satanism chic" in horror, and spawned more copycats than you can shake a pitchfork at. Mia Farrow is impregnated by Beelzebub, and delivers her impish progeny to an apartment building filled with eager Devil worshippers. Shocking stuff for its day, and still packs a punch now.

3. The Omen (1976)
Gregory Peck delivers one of horror's all-time classiest performances in this wicked tale of Satan's attempt to reincarnate himself on Earth in the cute little form of Damien Thorn. Another great example of a film that makes the most of Christian folklore, crafting a story that draws us in, whether we buy into the faith-based stuff or not.

2. The Wicker Man (1973)
Ask any horror fan who's seen it, and they'll tell you that The Wicker Man is one of the genre's truly great discoveries. A much bigger deal in the UK than in the States, this twisted morality tale pits devout Christian police officer Edward Woodward against a cryptic Pagan cut led by the sublime Christopher Lee. Avoid the remake at all costs, in large part because it ejects much of the religious subtext.

1. The Exorcist (1973)
What would be the point of even trying to be cute and picking anything but this? William Friedkin's enthralling piece of filmmaking so impacted the culture into which it was released that it actually raised the ire of the Catholic church, and polarized audiences with its intense, and gripping take on the struggle between Satan and the soldiers of Christ in a world in which good and evil are very real forces. Based on William Peter Blatty's best-seller, it's the perfect example of a faith-based horror film directed at an often faithless modern world.

* HONORABLE MENTION*

Constantine
End of Days (direct hate mail to BJ-C :-))
The Exorcism of Emily Rose
Prince of Darkness
The Prophechy
The Seventh Sign

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You Go, Edward Woodward!

There aren't many among the human race who weren't reviled by the utterly asinine 2006 remake of The Wicker Man, starring flavor-of-1987 Nicolas Cage. I know I can safely say it was one of the worst movies I've ever seen. And now you can add Edward Woodward, Scottish star of the 1973 original cult classic, to the list.

Contactmusic.com quotes the actor as saying, "I didn't watch it. I didn't feel like it. If it was a run-of-the-mill movie, then fine. But The Wicker Man was very special and has claimed a cult following." The 77-year-old Woodward has vowed never to see the remake, and admits to being baffled as to why it was modernized in the first place (answer: a quick and easy buck).

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While I'm on the subject of one of the worst movies of all time, I just wanted to make a quick comment about one of the best. I know There Will Be Blood isn't a horror movie (though it sounds like it would be), but bear with me for a second. I finally saw it last night, and can't stress enough what an astonishing achievement in filmmaking it is. As great as No Country for Old Men was, There Will Be Blood deserved the Oscar. We're talking Citizen Kane-good here. And no, I don't think that's an exaggeration. One of the finest motion pictures ever made. See it at all costs.

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Wicker Man Sequel Gets Scrapped

I had no idea this was even supposed to be happening, but according to contactmusic.com, a planned continuation of the 1973 UK classic The Wicker Man has been cancelled due to financing difficulties.

Set to begin shooting in Scotland later this month, the planned sequel had nothing to do with Nicolas Cage's 2006 remake, a definite contender for worst movie of all time. Rather, it would seem to have been an attempt by the noble Scots to redeem their beloved property.

Local politicians are reportedly quite bummed out, having built their hopes around the idea of profiting from the publicity for the film.

While it's possible that the funding issues may be resolved, it doesn't seem likely. What a shame that an American remake can get financed, but not a legit sequel. Especially with Christopher Lee still among us, and just as sinister as ever--if not moreso.

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