Women!
Meant to do something else today but shenanigans and actual having to work at work have caused to this to go boobies up, there are changes at The Angry Lurker from Sunday night onwards as I am now going on 12 hour shifts with Ray and will be posting as per my 4 on and 4 off roster (probably more than that due to overtime) but still reading and commenting during the off bit.....
.........we also hope to put on a game at work!
....but then a woman did read it and answered!
An answer to the new Men’s
Rules for Women bullshit that’s going around the web.
1. Learn to work the toilet
seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
Hey, donno if you knew… but there are two “seat covers” for different
functions. When we say “put it down” we mean both. BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT THEY
WERE DESIGNED FOR. Do you leave your refrigerator door open? NO. Bend your lazy
little knees, reach down… and flip that shit closed.
2. Sometimes we’re not
thinking about you. Live with it.
Do you really think we implode when we realize that you don’t think about us
every waking second of every eternal day? No. We just like to hear that you are
every now and again. Pony up and say the words, “I’ve been thinking about you.”
3. Saturday = Sports
If you mean “saturday = day we go outside and actually play sports” awesome. If
you mean you’re going to sit like a fat ass on the couch eating pork rinds all
day and expect me to bring you beers… well, grow up and go outside.
4. Crying is blackmail.
Oh really? Then so are your passive aggressive sighs. We’re just emoting, take
it like a man.
5. Ask for what you want.
Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it.
Strange, when we just tell you what we want we’re called demanding. When we
suggest subtly what we want, you can’t pull your head out of your ass long
enough to realize.
6. We don’t remember dates.
Mark them on a calendar and remind us frequently.
Do you want us to chew your food for you, too? No? So how ‘bout you put on your
grown up pants and make yourself a calendar that sends you reminders? Then you
can even remember your parents’ birthdays! Imagine that- doing something
yourself, just to make other people happy. AMAZING.
7. Yes and no are perfectly
acceptable answers to almost every question.
No.
8. Come to us with a
problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what
your girlfriends are for.
You’re right, god… it is SO hard to just listen for 5 minutes when the football
game is calling your attention.
9. Check your oil! Please.
I’ve got no rebuttal here, ladies… check your fucking oil.
10. Anything we said 6
months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments are null and
void after 7 days.
Does this go for dalliances outside of the relationship too? Well in that case,
that guy I made out with out at my bestie Tiffany’s bachelorette party is
inadmissable too, right? RIGHT?!
11. If you think you’re
fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We refuse to answer that question
anymore.
Ladies, try something like “do you like this dress, or this dress better?”
Because loaded questions like this JUST MAKE US LOOK BAD.
12. If something we said
can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we
meant the other one.
Fair enough, but take two seconds before blathering, “I think my Thomas would
like your friend Rachel, she’s smokin’ hot.” And try something more along the
lines of, “Thomas and Rachel would get along really well.” Being a
conscientious person is part of being an adult.
13. Let us look. It doesn’t
hurt anyone to look. And for us, it’s genetic.
Well, it’s been proven that instinctually speaking women are more prone to
cheating during ovulation every month, and that rates of women having a child
outside of wedlock (then having their husband raise anyway it without him
knowing) is shockingly high.… Does that make that ok? Or do you think you could
keep your elevator eyes sequestered to your private whack-it time?
14. Whenever possible,
please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Deal, and whenever possible, please don’t spend all evening watching
television.
15. Christopher Columbus
did not need directions, and neither do we.
Clearly you also haven’t needed to pick up a book or listen in school, because
Christopher Columbus did not find what he was looking for. Or is that why you
avoid maps… because you’re somewhat illiterate? Be a man, ask another man.
16. ALL men see in only 16
colours. Peach for example is a fruit not a color. We have no idea what mauve
is.
Tell that to my [other] bestie Jessi, he color coordinates every outfit and
corrects me when I say his scarf is white- “Omg, hunni… it’s actually
eggshell.”
17. We are not mind readers
and we never will be.
But… I thought men were the supreme gender? There has to be another reason for
that, then.
18. If we ask what is wrong
and you say “nothing”, we will believe you.
Fair enough. I got nothin’ for that one.
19. When we have to go
somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
You say that now, but when we leave the house with our hair in a shitty
ponytail, no makeup, flip flops, pajama bottoms and a happy feet men’s size XL
tshirt, I think you’ll change your mind.
20. You have enough
clothes.
Probably true.
21. You have too many
shoes.
Definitely true. Unless of course we’re talking tactical boots for kicking your
ass… you sassy little fuck. Who asked you anyway?
22. It is neither in your
best interest or ours to take any quiz together. No, it doesn’t matter which
quiz.
True, you’re probably just going to lie about your past sexual history anyway.
And we probably will too.
23.
BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
I can’t recall ever hearing of a woman dreaming of going home and having a
handbag after work.