"I've had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware."
"I have no sex appeal; if my husband didn’t toss and turn, we’d never have had the kid."
"The only time a woman has a true orgasm is when she is shopping."
"People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made."
"I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewellery."
"A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp."
"My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese. Most of it's missing, and what's there stinks."
"I'm in nobody's circle, I've always been an outsider."
Farewell, dear Joan. We will miss you.
Joan Rivers (born Joan Alexandra Molinsky, 8th June 1933 - 4th September 2014)