Oh, shit

...the Festering Season TV schedules are starting to be announced...

Ha!

A question no one has ever asked

A Mad Max prequel is in the pipeline, which may ruin everyone’s memories of the earlier films by being shit. Here are some more classics to fuck up.

Jaws
‘What happened when Jaws was a baby shark?’ is a question no one has ever asked. A prequel could feature a cute little 12-inch Jaws learning the ways of the ocean. Basically anything that completely ruins the menace of the actual Jaws. Maybe Jaws could be friends with a crab?

Toy Story
The events of Toy Story are very clear, so it doesn’t need a prequel, but then neither did Alien or all the other films bollocksed up with one. The early life of toys is a bit limited, so the entire film would be about talking pieces of plastic waiting to be moulded into Woody, Buzz and all the characters we love.

Withnail and I
Funny and moving with memorable characters, Withnail and I could be completely ruined forever by showing the jaded thespians years earlier as optimistic and supremely annoying drama school pricks.

The Long Good Friday
Classic Brit thriller about gangster Harold Shand’s hellish Easter weekend. But what were Harold and wife Victoria doing earlier in the week? A prequel could focus on them sorting out nibbles for the party on their yacht, then end unsatisfyingly as the IRA start blowing people up.

Back to the Future
Okay, the sequels are also sort of the prequels, but that’s what happens when you mess with time travel. For simplicity this would tell the story of Marty’s teenage life: driving his parents to distraction practising Van Halen riffs, demanding a car, and non-stop wanking.

The Daily Mash

Of course.

Such a drag

"Adam Sandler's latest comedy is shallow, scatological, lazy, crass and brazenly commercial. That's not news. But "Jack and Jill" may also mark something more significant: the moment when cinematic cross-dressing officially stops being funny."

And so begins What a drag: the death of the cross-dressing movie, an excellent article from Steve Rose in The Guardian.

I have always loathed Adam Sandler, Ben Stiller, Will Ferrell, Eddie Murphy and their ilk, and the unfunny "comedies" they appear to prefer starring in, and Mr Rose gives them a deserved kicking.

Well done, that man!