Life, death and everything in-between

John-John, little Tony and I were up and about especially early yesterday (early for a Saturday!), in order to spend an entire day exploring the delights of The Big Gay Lifestyle exhibition - better known by its nickname "The Ideal Homo Show". I went to a couple of these many years ago in the much larger venue of Olympia Exhibition Halls (where I met, among others, the legendary Jeff Stryker!). Now the concept has been revived, and the show is hosted in the rather swanky Connaught Rooms in Covent Garden.



It seems like an unlikely choice for me - having lived a perfectly satisfactory gay lifestyle for many years - and indeed this is the first of the re-vamped events I have been drawn to attend. However among the stalls flogging clothes, properties, sports, art, photography, beauty products, nick-nacks, fertility advice or health checks for trans-women, there were a number of acts on stage this year that we all wanted to see.



The first of these was the very lovely Rose Collis, Edinburgh and Brighton Fringe performer and historian - who we enjoyed at Polari in May 2011 and again in April 2012 - with her banjolele 'Bud'. She was on top form again, regaling us with tales of the lesbian journalist and TV presenter Nancy Spain and her dalliances with Lena Horne and Marlene Dietrich, and songs such as The Boys in the Backroom and Masculine Women, Feminine Men, all from her successful one-woman show Trouser-Wearing Characters.

We caught up with Miss Collis after her slot, and she informed us she is taking the show not only around the UK, but also to New Zealand and Sydney Mardi-Gras! Have banjolele, will travel, it seems...

Rose Collis - Trouser Wearing Characters (Brighton Fringe 2012)

I hope to catch the whole show sometime soon...



An unexpected joy were the ebullient Pink Singers, who gathered quite a crowd quite early on on the proceedings with their synchronised dancing as they harmonised on a variety of classics, including Brecht, African traditional music, Richard Genee's Italian Salad - and this one, Mas Que Nada:

Pink Singers (Gay Lifestyles 2012)

[This is my recording - shame about the bloody kids playing with balloons next to the stage!]



One of our absolute favourite cabaret entertainers is Mr Marcus Reeves, the genius behind Postcards from God - the Sister Wendy Musical, stalwart of many a season at The Royal Vauxhall Tavern and Polari too - here, here and here.



He really grabbed the audience's attention with his silver glitter maquillage and melodramatic selection of songs from his forthcoming album Quicksilver - The Masquerade Macabre, including this one - the magnificent Mad, Bad World:

Marcus Reeves - Mad Bad World

I really cannot wait for the album!





After a little interlude, it was time for an selection of our favourite literary types to take the stage - with a "pop-up version" of "London's peerless gay literary salon", Polari! Introduced by the faboo Paul Burston, first to the mike was our chum the stiletto-wearing journo-slut Alex Hopkins, who entertained us to a couple of salacious episodes from what we came to the conclusion (later, over drinks) should be deemed his "Sauna Chronicles" - close encounters of the bodily fluids kind, in the glamorous surroundings of Pleasuredrome sauna under the railway arches at Waterloo. Fab stuff!



Next to the stand was the adorable DJ Connell, who read a passage from her masterwork Julian Corkle is a Filthy Liar, recounting the early sexual awakening of the eponymous character as a young lad in, of all places, the medical dictionary section of the local library. It's a hilarious tale - and a highly-recommended read!



Literature's answer to Robbie Williams, the handsome Mr Kristian Johns (aka the blogger "Guy Interrupted" and AIDS-awareness campaign poster boy) read next from his fascinating fable Dying, And Other Superpowers. Recently filmed and featured in the London Gay Film Festival, it's an intense tale of the balance between a boy's burgeoning telekinetic abilities and his HIV diagnosis, and gripped our attention from the outset. Here's a trailer for the film short:

Dying, and other Superpowers

Mr Johns' and Mr Hopkins' writings are featured in the anthology Boys & Girls, edited by Mr Burston.



To conclude our little dose of cerebral stimulation, the fantabulosa VG (Val) Lee - nominated for "Writer of the Year" in the Stonewall Awards 2012 (which I will be attending again) - read from her acclaimed Always You, Edina. Her extract, about the recollections of a grandmother to her granddaughter about the mysterious relationship between the girl's father and her "glamorous, charismatic Aunt Ed, who could light up a room - if there was a man in that room", was in turn touching, humorous and enchanting. As ever, we love Val's writing - and so did the audience.



Finally, from the sublime to the semi-ridiculous, we watched a fun and boisterous preview of the panto Snow White and the Seven Poofs (which we saw in 2011, and returns this season in a new venue The Green Carnation), with the camp-as-tits Mrs Moore and Tanya Hyde!



After that, it was time for a bit more of a wander around the exhibition space - a short wander, obviously, as the bar beckoned! We spent some time mingling and chatting with the Polari-ites, with Marcus, with Tony's friend Roland, and then "our Paul" arrived and we met up with some of his friends too. A proper gay family gathering!

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However, there was a more serious event taking place yesterday, that I also had to attend - the annual "No to Hate Crime" vigil in Trafalgar Square, so it was time to move on. John-John, Paul and Tony all had pre-booked events to go to so couldn't stay long at Halfway to Heaven (our "local"; it is very close to the square) nor make the vigil.

Organised by a group called 17-24-30 (the name represents the dates in 1999 that the three London nail bombs were planted: 17th April - Brixton Market; 24th April – Brick Lane; and 30th April - the Admiral Duncan, Soho) and MC-ed by Mr Marcus Reeves (again, but without the make-up), this event is (obviously) a solemn affair, with speakers representing the communities affected by hate crime, messages of support from politicians and religious groups (except, notably this year, anyone from any Islamic organisation), and music from the LGBT brass band.



It was - shockingly - sparsely attended, again. Once again I am ashamed - as I was last year and the year before - at the ignorance and apathy of our fellow gay people. Yes, it pissed down. Yes, we were drenched, our feet were cold and our bladders were full. But I, Alex Hopkins, Russ, Joe and a few hundred others persisted through it, stood in silence for two minutes at 8pm, and listened in quiet horror at the roll-call of names of the victims of mindless hatred, murdered merely for being who they were.

A sombre conclusion to a day of celebration of gayness, admittedly, but a vital show of support nonetheless...

Dougie Byng and banjoleles, Nancy and masturbation, lynch mobs, drag and a helicopter crash

Mr Paul Burston, impresario of "London's peerless gay literary salon" Polari, certainly knows how to throw a party! With no less than four costume changes during the evening - Victorian military fetish, twisted evening wear, a Debbie Harry t-shirt, and even full drag(!). His selection of guest spécialistes des Belles Lettres gave us a wide and varied evening's entertainment last night - and once more, little Tony, John-John and I had a great time!



Opening the show was the (unpublished) "writer and psychotherapist" Chris Payne, reading some rather smutty extracts from one of his gay-themed works - I guess his forays into the literary world are very fresh indeed, as there is absolutely nothing about him on the web... Entertaining, nonetheless.



Our second reader, the rather buff Mr Chris Chalmers recently won a debut novel competition run by e-publishers Wink Publishing and as a consequence has actually won a publishing deal. His novel Five to One is apparently "coming to a Kindle near you" at the moment. The story is an intriguing one, judging form the taster extract he read. The blurb alone says it all - "Four lives that collide at 12.55 one sunny afternoon, when a helicopter crashes on Clapham Common. It’s a day that changes them all forever - and for one of them, it’s also their last." Leaving us hanging - literally - in mid-air, I am intrigued to find out what happens next...



The lovely Rose Collis is a real treat - we saw her at Polari in May last year, and indeed that performance inspired the lady so much she is now taking her banjoleles 'Bud' and 'Alvin' to the Brighton Fringe. As she says on her website "though it was a short set, the combination of comedy, history and song was a hit with the audience — and it was one of the easiest and best ideas I’ve ever had to develop a full-length show."

The extracts she gave us from the revue Trouser-Wearing Characters were indeed fantastic - she specialises in biographical reminisces of famous gay and lesbian (or just camp) figures such as the journalist and broadcaster Nancy Spain and the marvellous Coral Browne, while performing old Music Hall numbers such as Masculine Women, Feminine Men. Genius! Particularly excellent was her focus on one of our own camp icons here at Dolores Delargo Towers, the "Bawdy But British" drag artiste Douglas Byng.

There is no actual video of Rose performing, unfortunately, but here's Dougie himself:

Douglas Byng and Roy Fox & His Band (with Al Bowlly on guitar)

After the break - and in complete contrast - it was the turn of John R Gordon, reading from his novel Faggamuffin. Set in Jamaica - dubbed the most homophobic country in the world by human rights groups - the passage he read set the scene for the story, as the book's hero the reggae DJ 'Cutty' is discovered in flagrante delecto with another man, and has to flee for his life from a rampaging homophobic lynch mob.

Terrifying stuff, and very near to the bone given the current continued rise of homophobic murders in the Caribbean, Africa and beyond. Mr Gordon is co-founder of the publishing company Team Angelica with Rikki Beadle-Blair, and together they help promote the issues that black gay people face. Read more about John and Fagamuffin in this excellent article from The Voice.



And finally we came to the star performer of the evening, Mr Terry Ronald - friend of Princess Kylie and all-round camp writing genius (who we last saw at the self-same Polari with Ms Collis last May). Reading once again from his 'magnum opus' Becoming Nancy, we were in hysterics at the tale of the young hero David, with his obsession with Debbie Harry and sexual fixation on a shirtless Paul Michael Glaser (even while being - ahem! - relieved by a girl friend of his sister), as he proudly announces to his family that he has landed the part of 'Nancy' in Oliver... John-John kindly purchased a copy of the book for me, which Mr Ronald duly signed - what a lovely man he is.



And to prove it, here he reads another passage from the novel:

Terry Ronald Reads From Becoming Nancy (The Discotheque)

Over too soon, and it was just time for a curtain call and to chat with some of the fab regulars (DJ Connell, Val Lee [who is reading for us next month], Alex Hopkins et al) before we were off back to Halfway for the formidable duo of Miss Rose Garden and Mrs Moore in cabaret to finish off the night.

As ever, this was a remarkable and fab night out - it is no wonder we always look forward to Polari every month!



Next month looks very special indeed - for not only does Val have a new book out (which promises to be excellent as always), but we also have a reading from none other than that star of 80s "mock-soap" Brass Miss Barbara Ewing. Also on the bill on 8th May (so far) are Danuta Kean, book editor of Mslexia, and Peter Daniels.

Polari at the Southbank Centre

Jaclyn Smith hair, ukelele-playing lesbians and the "Cult of the Clitoris"

Another great time was had by all at Polari last night!

Paul Burston - feeling slightly confused by introducing an evening's entertainment against a backdrop of brilliant sunshine through the panoramic windows of the Festival Hall - promised us a bit of a gender-bending evening, and that is certainly how it began...



Opening the session was the diminutive "faggy genderqueer" Len Lukowska, who regaled us with a rather funny (and very real!) tale of decadent times as the new boy/girl in London:

The morning after the zombie night I overslept. I’d just started a temp job at a library on the other side of London and was meant to be there in half an hour. I had fallen asleep in all my clothes, which was lucky as I had no time to change. I opened Paco’s top drawer, rifled among the condoms and found his deodorant. Lynx Africa. I sprayed it under my armpits, put my shoes on and I was good to go. I still stank of booze.

Familiar stuff.

Next up was the eminent Brighton historian Rose Collis, who is a truly knowledgeable and fascinating writer (her Encyclopaedia of Brighton, full of facts about her beloved city - and a lot of gay history, unsurprisingly - is out now).

Among the tales she recounted was the fascinating life of one Mary Diana Dods, a close friend of Mary Shelley, who decided to fashion an entire life for herself as a man. Calling herself Walter Sholto Douglas (she was not in fact related to the family of Lord Alfred "Bosie" Sholto Douglas, however), she "married" her friend Isabella Robinson, who was pregnant, and with the help of Mary Shelley they moved to France and brought the child up together as "husband" and wife. I was gripped!



Miss Collis is also, as Paul B remarked, the first lesbian historian to read and play the ukulele at Polari! [Fats Waller's "Ain't Misbehaving", if you need to know.]

However, even more fabbiness was to follow - in the shape of the magnificent Welsh transgender cognitive behavioural psychotherapist and author Alex Drummond, resplendent with Jaclyn Smith hair and Roger Whittaker beard.



Miss/Mr Drummond read us a fabulous tale of his/her adventures as a "trans-grrl" making a first visit to Newport ("New-putt", the roughest place on earth - and my home town!). A brave move indeed, and brilliantly told. His/her book Queering the Tranny is out next month, and promises to be a cracking read! Download an extract and/or pre-order your copy at: http://www.queeringthetranny.com/

In a tribute to Miss/Mr Drummond, Paul Burston also decided to "dress to impress":



After the break came a real treat - the excellent and learned Philip Hoare, biographer of the early decadent dandies Noël Coward and Stephen Tennant and all-round expert in the gay history of the early 20th century.



Introducing his book Wilde's Last Stand: Decadence, Conspiracy and the First World War, he told us the enthralling true story of the scandalous libel trial of Maud Allen vs Noel Pemberton-Billing (right-wing MP and predecessor of Mosley). From the Good Reads website:

The Billing trial's beginnings can be traced to the moment British authorities finally permitted a staging of Wilde's play Salome. American beauty Maud Allan was to dance the lead. So outraged was Noel Pemberton Billing, a member of Parliament and self-appointed guardian of family values, that he denounced Allan in the right-wing newspaper Vigilante as a member of the "Cult of the Clitoris." Billing was convinced that the "Cult of Wilde" - a catch-all for anyone guilty of degeneracy and perversion, in his eyes - had infected the land. Of that, Billing maintained, he had proof: a black book containing the names of 47,000 members of the British establishment who without doubt were members of the Cult of Wilde was in the hands of the Germans. Threat of exposure was costing England the war. Maud Allan sued Billing for libel, and the trial that followed held the world in thrall. Was there or was there not a black book? What names did it contain? The Billing trial was both hugely entertaining - never had scandal and social prominence been so deliciously juxtaposed - and deadly serious. As in Oscar Wilde's own trial in 1895 (which also took place at the Old Bailey), libel was hardly the issue; the fight was for control over the country's moral compass. In Oscar Wilde's Last Stand, biographer and historian Philip Hoare gives us the full drama of the Billing trial, gavel to gavel, and brings to life this unique, bizarre, and spell-binding event.

I can't wait to read this...

Our finale was provided by musical genius Terry Ronald (who has worked with Kylie and Dannii Minogue, Geri Halliwell and Sheena Easton!), reading from his fabulously camp first novel Becoming Nancy [Kylie described it thus: "I laughed out loud! Terry’s humour translates perfectly to the page and his book is a joy!"].



The story is set in South London in 1979, and centres around David, a 15-year-old Debbie Harry-obsessed boy growing up and coming to terms with his sexuality. The extract he read focused on David and his boyfriend Maxie as they manage to sneak into their first gay club with the help of a sassy old drag queen, and was hilarious!

Read an excellent review of Mr Ronald's book on FizzyPop! blog.

John-John, Paul, Jim and I had a wonderful time as ever! Our next "fix" will be Polari Goes Pop on 22 June, as our "peerless gay literary salon" celebrates the Meltdown Festival 2011 with James Maker, Bugger Chops aka Daniel Haynes, Sophia Blackwell, Ernesto Sarezale, Paul Hickey and Michael Alago, and promises "a very special guest". I can't wait!!

Polari at the Southbank