Reap the whirlwind

Retailers launch Fuck You, We're Jacking The Price Right Up Tuesday
After Black Friday and Cyber Monday, today sees the launch of a new retail event where prices are brought right back up to meet Q4 profit targets.

Physical and online shops have happily announced that shoppers have had their chance to enjoy large discounts, cannot say they were not warned and goods will now cost up to 50 per cent more because they have shareholders to keep happy.

Retail CEO Martin Bishop said: “Delayed picking up a bargain over the weekend because you thought the low, low prices would last another week? Well, fuck you.

“We weren’t bluffing. We’ve got bills to pay and bonuses to make. How do you expect us to do that when we’re shifting air fryers at a 40 per cent discount? Be reasonable.

“Those offers were genuine. You scorned them. And now you reap the whirlwind. Christmas is coming and we’re here to claim what’s rightfully ours, namely your hard-earned cash.

“What’s that? It seems to you prices have been inflated well beyond their original value? Yep. That’s just part of the Fuck You, We’re Jacking The Price Right Up Tuesday fun. See you next year.”

Shopper Nikki Hollis said: “I am excited to take part in this fiscal event. I hope the shops play Christmas music.”

The Daily Mash

Of course.

I wouldn't say I invented tacky, but I definitely brought it to its present high popularity

• "Don't I look fabulous? I'm a triumph of science and fiction."
• "Give a girl the right shoes, and she can conquer the world."
• "I have my standards. They're low, but I have them."
• "I wouldn't say I invented tacky, but I definitely brought it to its present high popularity."
• "Trust your talent. You don't have to make a whore of yourself to get ahead. You really don't."
• "Get the trash off the street and back on the stage where it belongs."
• "Underneath all this drag, I'm really a librarian, you know."
• "Thank God for the gays. I don't know what would have happened but I know what did happen. Good for them and good for me."
• "I'm working my way toward divinity."
• "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke!"

Lordy! Our Patron Saint of Boobs, The Divine Miss M herself, Bette Midler is 80 years old today!

To mark the auspicious occasion, on this Tacky Music Monday, how about a triple-bill wake-up call?

That'll do nicely...

Bette Midler - Fiesta In Rio

Bette Midler - Pretty Legs And Great Big Knockers

And, finally - Ms Midler's alter-ego, the character who inspired my entire blog!

Delores DeLago and the DeLago Sisters - I (We) Will Survive (Bette Midler: Art or Bust)

Unbeatable.

Many happy returns, Bette Midler (born 1st December 1945)

Chasing love up against the sun

After the excess of yesterday's "Film Club" gathering/all-day drinking sesh yesterday, it has (understandably) been another very slow day - I didn't surface until 1.30pm!

A little slice of joy from our "house band" is in order, methinks:

Postmodern Jukebox ft. Amber Woodhouse - Part-Time Lover (Stevie Wonder Speakeasy Hot Jazz style cover)

They can make even the very worst songs from Stevie Wonder's crap 1980s era sound good...

If you're blue, and you don't know where to go to

Had a lovely afternoon/evening en famille for another of our "Film Club" viewings, at The Perseverance pub in the fabulously twee "hidden London village" of Lamb's Conduit Street in Bloomsbury [above] - this time entirely centred on the films of the legendary Mel Brooks, and we managed to get through The Producers, Blazing Saddles and Young Frankenstein. I haven't laughed so much in ages...

Time for this, methinks:

Young Frankenstein - Puttin' on the Ritz

Genius.

Gotta get up, gotta get up, gotta get up

Yet another American excuse for a marketing campaign (like "Blue Monday" [in January, to sell us holidays], Valentine's Day [to sell us flowers and sickly pink-and-red tat], Hallowe'en, and so on) has become "a thing" over here as well in the last few years - Black Friday. Inextricably tied to (the entirely Stateside-based event) Thanksgiving, it's bewildering why, or how, it has emerged here when we don't even celebrate that!

Sigh.

However, at least it is the end of another wearisome week, so I think it's time for a party, don't you?

Here's a man who celebrates Black Friday in his own way - Thank Disco Cazwell It's Friday!

If that's sent you blushing flowers heading off for your smelling salts - try this instead:

Black Box - Ride On Time

Have a great weekend, dear reader!

Of totty, Marianne, turkey, cash in the attic, mummy's boy, eruptions, word games and the wrong trousers

"I think to be the devil you have to be angel. Only an angel can play the devil because the devil was a fallen angel."
RIP Udo Kier, pioneering gay actor. And gorgeous as a youth.[click any pic to embiggen]

It's another snippets post, dear reader:

• Much-missed icon news: A collection of Marianne Faithfull's personal items, including her diaries, personal photos, various fashion pieces, items of furniture and works of art - and a trunk owned by Carrie Fisher and given by her to Marianne as a gift - are on display at Bonhams Knightsbridge, prior to coming to auction next week. The evening of the day: The Estate of Marianne Faithfull is part of Bonhams' Sound & Cinema auction, running from 25th November to 3rd December.
• Colonial news: Apparently some people "over there" are giving thanks for something-or-other today. Happy Thanksgiving to our chums in the colonies!
• Geek news: The most expensive comic book ever sold - Superman #1 from 1939 - found in their mother's attic by three of her sons went for over $9 million (£6.8 million)!
• Ghoul news: An Italian man is under investigation for benefit fraud and hiding a body after allegedly dressing up as his dead mother – including mimicking her hairstyle with a wig and wearing makeup and jewellery – in order to claim her pension. He bore an uncanny resemblance to Rita Webb, to my eyes.
• The earth hiccuped news: A long-dormant volcano in Ethiopia has erupted for the first time in around 12,000 years.
• We interrupt this broadcast to give you a new word game: I recently stumbled across a piece on the radio about contranyms, which are words that are their own opposites. Here are a few examples, but you can quite easily go down a rabbit-hole trying to think of more:
  • Bolt: To secure, or to flee
  • Cleave: To adhere, or to separate
  • Custom: A common practice, or a special treatment
  • Dust: To add fine particles, or to remove them
  • Fast: Quick, or stuck
  • Left: Remained, or departed
  • Oversight: A careless error, or supervision
  • Sanction: To approve, or to boycott
  • Screen: To present (as in a film), or to conceal
  • Splice: To join, or to separate
  • Weather: To withstand, or to wear away

• And, finally: A new exhibition will explore the world of Aardman animations – from Wallace & Gromit to Morph, Chicken Run, and Shaun The Sheep - is coming to the Young V&A (formerly The Museum of Childhood) next year! With more than 150 objects on display – including never-before-seen models, sets and storyboards from Aardman’s archives – it will open in February to coincide with the studio’s 50th anniversary year. Cracking news, Gromit!

Wallace and Gromit - The Wrong Trousers - Cracking Toast

Wallace and Gromit - The Wrong Trousers - Train Chase

And the weather? Murk.

Turkey lurkey

Many happy returns today to the theatrical singer, dancer and actress Miss Donna McKechnie - the original "Cassie" in A Chorus Line and long-time stalwart of the Broadway stage, working with the likes of Bob Fosse, Gwen Verdon, Stephen Sondheim, and her one-time husband the late Michael Bennett.

She's a powerhouse of dancing talent - as this little celebratory double-bill proves...

Donna McKechnie, Baayork Lee, Margo Sappington - Turkey Lurkey Time [Promises, Promises]

Gwen Verdon, Donna McKechnie, Paula Kelly, Helen Gallagher - Dance Medley

That's knackered me out, just watching those moves...

The Wheel of Fortune

"Experience the thunderous power of Carl Orff's Carmina Burana like never before". So went the blurb on the Royal Albert Hall website...

So, of course, Madam Arcati and I simply had to book tickets for this one-off performance on Sunday!

On the bill were The Philharmonia Orchestra (conducted by David Hill), the very lovely Ailish Tynan (soprano) [who we know from being a regular guest on Radio 3's In Tune show when Sean Rafferty was still presenting it, before he unceremoniously departed], Sean Boylan (baritone), Robyn Lyn Evans (tenor), and the combined forces of the Highgate Choral Society, The London Chorus, The Bach Choir, Wimbledon Choral Society and The Southend Boys' Choir - 400 voices in all! Needless to say, we were excited.

As we were by merely being there...

But first... the opening segment was a sublime exercise in musical excellence all of its own, as the orchestra launched into the lively wake-up call that is Glinka's most famous overture:[Needless to say, there is no coverage from the evening itself, so you'll have to make do with an American combo instead...]

Boston Philharmonic Orchestra, cond. Benjamin Zander - Overture to Ruslan & Lyudmila [Glinka]

That was merely the amuse bouche, however. As my dear reader will be well aware, there is nothing we like more than a young man running his fingers all over a massive organ, and so it was that the floor shook and our chests rattled, as we experienced for the first time the 9,999 pipes of the one in the Hall - on Saint-Saens' paean to the instrument! [Again, unfortunately no footage is available of the young Paul Greally's fingering skills - so here's one from the Proms from a few years back].

Orchestre de Paris, cond. Paavo Järvi - Symphony No 3 in C minor, Op 78, "Organ" [Saint-Saëns]

Catching our breath, it was time for the interval, a drink, a pee and a fag (and some more photos)...

...then it was time for the "main course".

Some wise person once said "if a thing is worth doing, it's worth over-doing". That's an epithet that could have been written for Orff's 1936 "magnum opus" Carmina Burana [a work that has, incidentally, had a chequered history; it, like its composer, was at first condemned by the Nazis as "decadent", and later embraced by them]

It's a brilliant cantata, that perhaps surprisingly has its origins in some deeply cynical, satirical and anti-religious texts originating in the 13th century. I'll leave it to the Carnegie Hall website to explain its complexities:

Orchestrally, the score of Carmina Burana relies upon a large ensemble with an enormous battery of percussion. The work contains 25 individual movements separated into four major sections and a prologue, “Fortuna Imperatrix Mundi” (“Fortune, Empress of the World”). The opening chorus, “O Fortuna,” conjures the relentless drive of Fortune with its four-note motivic idea, pulsating rhythms, and gradually expanding orchestral canvas. The lament over the fickleness of Fortune continues in “Fortune plango vulera,” with Orff using a strophic scheme alternating men’s voices with the full chorus.

The first section of the score falls into two parts, with the first entitled “Primo vere” (“In Spring”). The movement “Veris leta facies” begins with an awakening call from high woodwinds and piano before the chorus rises from the lowest registers to greet the change of seasons. “Omnia sol temperat” presents the first solo voice in Carmina Burana, a baritone who compares the joys and pains of Love to Fortune’s inconstancy. “Ecce gratum” is a choral ode to Spring, brightly invoking the spirit of folk dances in another strophic plan.

The second part of the first section, “Uf dem anger” (“On the Green”), opens with a literal dance for orchestra, emphasizing strings, woodwinds, and horns. Another choral ode in Latin and German follows, “Floret silva,” praising the newly flowered forest and the games it offers younger lovers. The spirit of playful love continues in “Chramer, gip die varwe mir,” now with the addition of sleigh bells. The ninth number in the score, “Reie,” opens with another dance for orchestra followed by a succession of choral passages that alternate between erotic courtship and outburst. The brief final movement of “On the Green” opens with grandiose fanfares and proclamations but ends smuttily with a lusty statement about the Queen of England.

“In Taberna” (“In the Tavern”) forms the central section of Carmina Burana and presents various songs inspired by drinking and carousing. The solo for baritone “Estuans interius” is another jeremiad about the misfortunes of love. The rotating misery of Fortune takes a humorous guise in the movement “Olim lacus colueram,” with a tenor singing the plaintive song of a swan as it roasts on a spit. “Ego sum abbas” parodies monkish plainchant as the baritone assumes the character of a drunken abbot. The final movement, “In taberna quando sumus,” conjures up the whole rowdy world of a tavern with its gambling, drinking, and debauchery as if it were a Breughel canvas come to life.

The mood goes fully amorous and ribald in the next section, “Cour d’amours” (“The Court of Love”). The opening movement, “Amor volat undique,” features children’s voices smugly praising couples in love while the soprano soloist depicts the pain of those who remain alone. “Dies, nox et omnia” presents the lovelorn baritone, the love’s sorrows pushing him to the highest reaches of his tessitura. “Stetit puella” presents a statuesque vision of a young girl adorned in red, perhaps the same sweetheart the baritone pines for in “Circa mea pectora.” “Si puer cum puellula” presents the baritone and solo members of the chorus acapella, extolling the delights of fleshly love. The full chorus returns in “Veni, veni, venias” in another roundelay of lust. A meditative air returns with the soprano’s solo movement, “In trutina,” as the choices of desire and chastity are weighed.

...speaking of which - Miss Tynan performed this beautifully for us, but [again, thanks to the lack of video footage of her] let's instead enjoy an utterly wonderful (and exceptionally camp) version by the late, great Lucia Popp:

Lucia Popp - In Trutina [Carl Off - Carmina Burana]

The story continues:

[following that] “Tempus est iocundum” pours forth in joyous waves as the soprano, baritone, chorus, and children’s chorus exalt the games of love before the soprano swoons in stratospheric ecstasy in “Dulcissime.”

The final section contains two movements. First, the epic “Ave formosissima” extols the great beauties of medieval literature: the princess Blancheflour, Helen of Troy, and the goddess of Love herself, Venus. Then, like a cataclysm, the true queen returns in all her fury—Fortune, Empress of the World, and the “O Fortuna” closes out the work.

It is, of course, that very finale that just about everybody knows best - and it was palpably the bit the whole audience in the Hall was waiting for, with very good reason. Four hundred voices, a full orchestra, drums, tubas, the lot?! We were in ecstasy.

Even the Netherlands' finest purveyor of "pop-classics" André Rieu, his orchestra and chorus pales in comparison with our evening's version [but it's all we have...]:

Andre Rieu, orchestra and chorus - O, Fortuna [Carl Off - Carmina Burana]

By the end of all that, we were absolutely drained!

An utterly stupendous, unforgettable (and unrepeatable) experience.

The good thing is in your past

Grrrr. Back to the grind it is, then...

Still coming down to earth after the feast for the senses that was Carmina Burana at the Royal Albert Hall yesterday [more on that later, no doubt], I am most definitely not in the mood for another five days of mundanity...

...on this Tacky Music Monday, only Mama Cher can save us now!

Cher feat. The Osmonds - Stevie Wonder Medley

Thought for the day: did the Osmonds actually have penises? Can't see one.

Have a good week, dear reader.

Orff we go!

Madam Arcati and I are off this afternoon for another slice of culture with a capital "K"; to experience the splendid Carmina Burana by Carl Orff - in the magnificently opulent surroundings of the Royal Albert Hall, no less!

Meanwhile, a bit of "Sunday Music" is in order, courtesy of our "house band" here at Dolores Delargo Towers - a classic pop choon as you never heard it before...

Postmodern Jukebox ft. Rogelio Douglas Jr. and Sunny Holiday - Hotel California [Eagles Vintage Havana-style cover]

Faboo!

Of Klimt, fish sperm, postmodernism, porn, Eurovision, panto and Miss Hawn

Gustav Klimt's portrait of Elisabeth Lederer, that sold for $236.4m (£180m) this week!

It's another snippets post, dear reader:

• Mutilation news: You thought Pete Burns and his lip-fillers allegedly made of embryo foreskins was disgusting? The latest sicko plastic surgery trend is fish sperm extract injections! Ewww...

[click any pic to embiggen]

• Postmodernist extravaganza news: The fabulous Southwark Underground Station [above] - opened in 1999, but with a hugely Art Deco look and feel - has received Grade II-listed status from the government, following advice from Historic England. It deserves it!
• Oops! news: A ferry company had to apologise after children were left “screaming” when a pornographic film was played on one of its ships from France to Sussex.
• Was Deadpool right? news: Canada is allegedly in talks about participation in the Eurovision Song Contest!

Deadpool 2 - Eur Missing a Country

• Oh, yes they did! news: Renowned thesp and national treasure Sir Ian "Serena" McKellen and former Labour Party Leader Jeremy Corbyn are both appearing in the panto Wicked Witches (an "updated version" of the Wizard of Oz) at The Pleasance Theatre in Islington! I always said Corbyn was a joke...
• And finally: The very lovely Goldie Hawn blew out 80 candles on her cake yesterday! She is one of the few remaining true stars - and we love her!

Goldie Hawn - Star! (The Dean Martin Show)

And the weather? After the fiercely cold winds earlier this week, now it's pissing-down again. Yuk.

Better than the first time

Whew!

With this morning's work webinar over and done with, and after a fairly disjointed and quite draining week - it is time to start planning the party!

What better than a dose of the fancy footwork of Shalamar to help get us in the mood?!

It's their Second Time Around, it seems. Lord knows what went wrong the first time.

Thank Disco It's Friday!

Shalamar - Second Time Around

Have a great weekend, dear reader!

Aha we aha we

After a lovely - but tiring - overnight visit to Portsmouth for Mother's 90th birthday party yesterday (back home late), it was straight back to work today for another day of unbridled joy. Dammit. To top it all, I have to do a presentation at a webinar tomorrow morning at 9.30am!

Here's an appropriate number, methinks...

Ofra Haza - Wish Me Luck

What will be tomorrow?
Aha we aha we
Happiness or sorrow?
Aha we aha we
Who will open up my door?
Aha we aha we
Inshalla

Wish me luck
Wish me luck
Wish me luck
Wish me luck

Ah ah ah...

Indeed.

[NB: It would have been the birthday of the very lovely Ofra Haza (for it is she; a house fave) yesterday.]

Closed

We're all off in Portmouth today - for Mother's 90th birthday!

"Normal" service should resume tomorrow...

The relentless onslaught

The sight of a town’s Christmas lights going up is a terrifying glimpse of the nightmarish festivity on its way.

People witnessing the lights being erected in Winchester have been filled with a cold sense of dread as they realise the season of expensive gift-giving and familial obligations is hanging over them like a festive executioner’s axe.

Onlooker Emma Bradford said: “Seeing illuminated stars and angels being fixed into place only means one thing: the next six weeks are going to be a living Hell.

“They may look enchanting and whimsical, but don’t be deceived. Like animals feeling restless before a storm, they’re a grim warning that a catastrophe is brewing. Although I’d rather suffer through a hurricane than my son’s nativity play.”

Martin Bishop said: “They may not spell it out explicitly, but these lights are telling you to either hunker down or immediately flee to a country that doesn’t observe Christmas, like China.

“It’s going to get worse before it gets better. Towns will be clogged with shitty markets. Offices will throw massively inconvenient parties. Children will expect you to orchestrate magical experiences, all while you try to navigate the normal stresses of daily life.

“The only way to avoid the relentless onslaught of Christmas whimsy is to die, and come mid-December that will feel awfully tempting. Merry Christmas, one and all.”

The Daily Mash

Of course.

PS It's November.

Ich lieb' dich nicht, du liebst mich nicht

Yep. Monday again.

After a great day yesterday, with an all-day session a convivial "gathering of the clans" for Sally's visit to London, I am in no mood for work today...

Let's jolly things up, shall we? On this Tacky Music Monday, a load of coconuts will do nicely...

Señor Coconut - Da Da Da

Have a good week, dear reader.

Soho Sal

We're off en famille to our fave Wetherspoons the Penderel's Oak this afternoon - Our Sal's in town! She and John-John went to see Abba - Voyage (his treat for her birthday, which is next month), and this gathering is to see her off before she heads back up north to Newcastle.

Holborn's hardly Soho, but I never need an excuse to feature a little nostalgic wallow into that bustling heart of our great city - courtesy of the ever-faboo Soft Tempo Lounge:

Soft Tempo Lounge - Soho Scene '69

Sublime.

[Music: Peter Herbolzheimer - Botafogo; Original film: The Big Switch (1969)]

Baby, Baby

Lordy.

Her Serene Highness Princess Reuss, Countess of Plauen - better known to you and I as Frida Lyngstad from Abba is 80 years old today!

Her phenomenal success as one-quarter of one of the world's most successful bands of all time, as well as her rocky love life with Benny (prior to becoming a solo singer in the 1980s and a Princess, to boot), is well-documented.

Less well-known, perhaps, is the fact she was a major star in her own right long before the foursome ever recorded together. Here, having just won the Swedish New Faces, is Frida's first television appearance:

Frida - En Ledig Dag (Weekend in Portofino)

Here she is in 1970, with a rather good rendition of one of gayest of gay anthems by The Master, Noel Coward:

Anni-Frid Lyngstadt - Mad About The Boy

And, speaking of "gay", here's her hilarious version of Baby Love - with two of the campest backing singer/dancers ever to grace a stage! I never tire of this clip:

Frida - Baby Love

Many happy returns, Your Highness! Anni-Frid Synni Lyngstad (born 15th November 1945).

A cardboard box

Huzzah! The weekend is in sight, and for that I will be extremely grateful! It's horribly grey and grizzly out there, with torrential rain forecast and more to come, but who cares? We won't be in work, and that's the main thing...

Following the sad news that the very handsome Richard Darbyshire, former lead singer of Living in a Box, died earlier this week (aged just 65!), there is only one song that I could possibly play to get the party started - one of the catchiest songs of the era.

Thank Disco The Eighties it's Friday!

Living In A Box - Living In A Box

Have a fab weekend, dear reader!

Just a part of modern times

We're well overdue methinks, dear reader, another little selection of some of the "newer" choons that have caught my ear of late - before everything turns to shit with the coming tsunami of Xmas cash-ins...

A fitting way to start is with something that couldn't be more diametrically opposed to tinsel, sleigh-bells, faux-jollity and mawkish sentimentality if it tried! Who would ever have thought that a legendary member of that most decadent of bands Velvet Underground and a contemporary pop-princess would ever have collaborated on something as utterly breath-taking, gothic and sinister as this?

Charli xcx ft John Cale - House

Phew. I think we should break the mood, at least a little bit, with a poignant one - the Soft Cell cover of an old Giorgio Moroder choon, that turned out to be the very last single released before Dave Ball's premature death:

Soft Cell - First Hand Experience in Second Hand Love

Speaking of 80s/90s troupers, this:

Andy Bell and Tim Rice-Oxley [Keane] - The Chance Won't Come Again

Now for something completely different! [This album's actually on my Amazon wish-list] Abba as you never heard them before:

Lautten Compagney feat. Asya Fateyeva - Mamma Mia (arr. for Baroque Ensemble and Saxophone by Bo Wiget) [from Dancing Queen - Rameau meets ABBA]

The wonderful Mr Bill McClintock does it again!

Peter Gabriel vs Sly & the Family Stone - Thank You (Falettinme Be Your Sledgehammer) [McClintock mash-up]

And, saving the best till last - I LOVE THIS!

MIKA - Modern Times

As ever, dear reader, let me know your thoughts...

A colourful background to a fight in a taxi queue

From our own correspondent:

So the Northern Lights are back. Big fucking deal, you might say. Well, it is for those of us who blew four grand to see the fuckers in Norway seven years ago.

It was our wedding anniversary and I had big dreams. A week in New York watching the best of Broadway. The Grand Canyon. Seeing Venezuela’s Angel Falls with my own two eyes. But my wife had a better idea.

‘I’ve always wanted to see the Northern Lights,’ she said, and like a dick I agreed. So we paid a frankly staggering sum and headed to Tromsø for two weeks of 22-hour nights.

There was bugger all to do. A pint cost £18 and you couldn’t even buy booze at the weekend. I mean the mountains are impressive, but in that cold? You don’t stay out gazing at them.

Yes, when the clouds cleared and it showed up, the old aurora borealis was pretty impressive. Yes, we held mittens and convinced ourselves it was worth it. Yes, we showed everyone photos and bragged.

But now? When it’s in British skies every other Wednesday? When every prick and his kids can see them just by stepping into the garden? Well I look a proper arsehole, don’t I?

Norway? They’re marketing tours to see them in Wigan now: a pie, a pint and the Northern Lights. Up in Newcastle they’re just a colourful background to a fight in a taxi queue.

They’re common. So for our anniversary next year we’re off to Easter Island to see the mo’ai. Those bastards aren’t marching to in Doncaster any time soon.

The Daily Mash

Of course.

[The "real" story]

Just the one, dear?

Another day, another centenary...

Today, one hundred years ago, someone who was very dear to our hearts was born - Dame June Whitfield!

Probably the most "treasured" of "national treasures", in her long career she played ditzy "Eff"in The Glums, and the long-suffering eponymous wife in Terry and June, appeared in a long-running series of adverts for Birds Eye, played various supporting characters alongside comedy greats such as Jimmy Edwards, Tony Hancock, Roy Hudd, Arthur Askey, Frankie Howerd, Benny Hill and the Carry On team, and was even Miss Marple (on the radio).

She stuck her tongue firmly in her perfectly-crafted cheek for "cult" roles with Julian Clary, French & Saunders and in Dr Who, culminating in possibly her best-loved role as "Gran" in Ab Fab.

She sang with big and small bands, played deadly serious as well as light entertainment parts; the woman could do anything...

We had the privilege of sitting right in front of the great lady (and Prunella Scales and Timothy West, to boot!) at Wilton's Music Hall when Roy Hudd was appearing on stage delivering his History Of The Music Hall, and she was every bit the dear, sweet little old lady she appeared to be.

Speaking of "sweet":

June Whitfield - "Gran"'s finest moment [Absolutely Fabulous]

All hail, Dame June Rosemary Whitfield (11th November 1925 – 29th December 2018)!

The winter is forbidden till December, and exits March the second on the dot

Groo - Monday again, and it's raining...

Hey ho - we have a centenary to take our minds off it, that of the very lovely Richard Burton.

With his mellifluous deep Welsh-accented voice and piercing blue eyes, he was more-or-less destined to be an actor, and indeed he became lauded as one of Britain's (and the world's) finest! Despite his long and estimable career - from My Cousin Rachel to The Robe to Under Milk Wood to Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? to Jeff Wayne's The War of the Worlds - his acting accomplishments were somewhat overshadowed by his tumultuous and headline-grabbing relationship with Elizabeth Taylor...

On this Tacky Music Monday, by way of a tribute, here's the great man singing:

Richard Burton - Camelot

Have a good week, dear reader.

Dream of a new Carioca

With so many weekends recently taken up with social gatherings of one sort or another, the extensive gardens here at Dolores Delargo Towers had accumulated an impressive inch-deep carpet of leaves from the bastard weed tree (sycamore) still overhanging from next-door. I knew I needed to tackle it, so, with an unaccustomed burst of energy after yesterday's very lazy day, I did - and also began the process of "banishing death" by cutting back dead stems on the phlox and other perennials. Two very full black bags later, and I am very pleased with the result.

Now I am knackered, of course!

To ease my aches and pains, let's take a much-needed virtual holiday in the sunshine (I wish!), shall we? - courtesy of the faboo Soft Tempo Lounge:

Soft Tempo Lounge - Carioca '70

Ah, that's better...

[Music: Erlon Chavez - All My Love Is For You/Você Abusou]

But what's the use, you've cooked my goose

Mea culpa, mea culpa...

Only nine months too late - I only just realised the shameful fact that I missed Our Patron Saint of Whiskey Elaine Stritch's centenary in February!

We adored the great dame so much, too, for her legendary performance as "Joanne" in Sondheim's Company, her chutzpah and her uncompromising personality, and even her appearances on British telly in Two's Company (with Donald Sinden) - and thankfully we got to see her one woman show Elaine Stritch at Liberty at The Old Vic way back in 2002.

The obsession with all things "Stritchy" really began for me, however, when the CD version of her 1956 album Stritch [that The Madam had on vinyl for years] was released in 1995. I bought a copy in HMV in around 1999/2000 - and we played it to death!

Here, for your delectation, dear reader, is the whole thing, track-by-track:

Elaine Stritch - Are You Having Any Fun?

Elaine Stritch - You're Getting To Be A Habit With Me

Elaine Stritch - That's The Beginning Of The End

Elaine Stritch - And The Angels Sing

Elaine Stritch - Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

Elaine Stritch - That's My Boy

Elaine Stritch - I Don't Want To Walk Without You

Elaine Stritch - Too Many Rings Around Rosie

Elaine Stritch - The Object Of My Affection

Elaine Stritch - Easy Street

Elaine Stritch - If

Elaine Stritch - There's A Lull In My Life

Elaine Stritch - You Took Advantage Of Me

Fan-bloody-tastic!

All hail.

The funk just won't leave us alone

It feels like it's been a long time coming, but relief is almost here...

With the first weekend in ages where we have nothing planned on the horizon, we're nevertheless gearing up for that party mood. You've heard of "double denim" - how about "double lurex"? Let's take some fashion tips from the Brothers Johnson, and Thank Disco It's Friday!

Brothers Johnson - Stomp!

The heat is on
And the funk just won't leave us alone
Ev'rybody take it to the top

We're gonna stomp
All night
In the neighbourhood
Don't it feel all right
Gonna stomp
All night
Wanna party
'Til the morning light

Have a great weekend, dear reader!

You'd better push the button and let me know

You wait for ages for a Doctor, and two come along in one year...

Another timeslip moment, dear reader.

Our Jedi friends and their Venator-class Star Destroyer have dropped us off in another galaxy, far, far away...

...well, 2005 actually - the year of the revival of Doctor Who after a 16-year hiatus, the London tube and bus terrorist bombings, the Royal Wedding of Charles and "Horse-Face" Camilla, Hurricane Katrina, Jerry Springer - The Opera, Ellen MacArthur, civil partnerships for gay couples (including that of Elton John and David Furnish), Batman Begins, the Spinnaker Tower in Portsmouth, the murder of "Dirty Den" in Eastenders, the final end of the Syrian occupation of Lebanon, Kinky Boots, the Taliban, Joseph Ratzinger, Jean Charles de Menezes, George Galloway, digital downloads overtaking sales of physical singles, David Cameron, The Thick of It, a third general election victory for Blair's New Labour, the Tsunami Relief concert, Madagascar, the devastating Kashmir earthquake, Mrs Henderson Presents, the award of the Olympics 2012 to London, Eurovision winner Helena Paparizou, the trial of Saddam Hussein, Chip and PIN payments, David Attenborough’s Life in the Undergrowth, Desperate Housewives, John Sentamu, and the ban on hunting with dogs; the births of YouTube, Primark, Google Maps, the Roboraptor and Etsy; and the year that Anne Bancroft, Ronnie Barker, Sir John Mills, former PM Lord James Callaghan, Robin Cook, Mo Mowlam, Johnny Carson, Victoria de los Ángeles, Gretchen Franklin, Luther Vandross, Barbara Bel Geddes, Birgit Nilsson, Patsy Rowlands, Pope John Paul II, Rosa Parks, Prince Rainier, Littlewoods, Cyril Fletcher, Richard Whiteley, MG Rover and Arthur Miller all died.

Making the news headlines in November twenty years ago? 24-hour licences for pubs in England and Wales arrived, Angela Merkel became the first female Chancellor of Germany, Charles and Camilla were on a state visit to the USA, the memorial service for former PM Sir Edward Heath was held in Westminster Abbey, it was goodbye Safeway and hello to Morrisons supermarkets, a Scottish man Andrew Stimpson was reportedly the first man "cured" of HIV, and we bade a fond farewell to footballing hero and playboy George Best. In our cinemas: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Nanny McPhee, The Legend of Zorro. On telly: I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here!, Little Britain moved to BBC1 from BBC3, Comic Relief (featuring Catherine Tate in EastEnders, BBC Newsreaders performing Bohemian Rhapsody, and a brand new Doctor Who adventure with David Tennant).

And in our charts this week in November 2005? Westlife (yawn) held the top slot, and also present and correct were Arctic Monkeys, Pussycat Dolls, Pharrell ft Gwen Stefani, Craig David, Robbie Williams, Goldfrapp, Hilary Duff and Kate Bush. This classic, however (a recent Number 1) was still holding its own...

Sugababes - Push The Button

Two decades ago? How did that happen???!!!

Of knights, Queens, Auntie Beeb, totty, Sir David, explosions and Lulu again

Arise, Sir Becks (and Lady Posh)! I'd kneel before him.

It's another snippets post, dear reader:

• Stylish Queens news: To mark the centenary year of the late HM The Queen, an exhibition titled Queen Elizabeth II: Her Life in Style will arrive in the King's Gallery, Buckingham Palace in April 2026. We will be booking to see this! From an article in Artnet:

  The show will be the largest display to date of the former monarch’s clothing, some of them never before seen. The checklist of nearly 200 pieces features items from all 10 decades of her life alongside outfits by contemporary British designers Erdem Moralioglu, Richard Quinn, and Christopher Kane, who took inspiration from her royal wardrobe. These pieces confirm the queen’s enduring influence on British fashion, even in the wake of her 2022 passing.

• The BBC axe falleth again news: The excellent journalist and broadcaster Matthew Sweet is departing Radio 3’s Sound of Cinema, a programme he founded. As Chris Bennion in The Telegraph says:

  All good things must come to an end, even in radioland where maintaining an illusion of permanence is paramount to the gentle rhythms of our day. So, just as we are processing the news that In Our Time will be presented by someone other than Melvyn Bragg, we learnt last week that Matthew Sweet is departing Radio 3’s Sound of Cinema, 12 years after he launched the programme. Much as In Our Time is Melvyn Bragg, Sound of Cinema is Matthew Sweet. His successor, Edith Bowman, has a tough job on her hands. Will she be more Roger Moore or George Lazenby?

  In Saturday’s final episode, Sweet referenced that radio-specific aversion to anything that looks like change. “When we began the show in 2013,” he said, that Hull accent jumping in every now and then like an eager child, “some people thought Radio 3 wasn’t the right place for a film-music programme. Twelve years later, I don’t hear that argument so much”. I would wager that’s because 12 years ago, the Radio 3 listeners didn’t know Sweet so well. “Film music demands serious attention,” said Sweet. And that’s exactly what he brought.

  A film-music programme on Radio 3? We all had the same sinking feeling. John Williams, The Lord of the Rings, Hans Zimmer, more John Williams, Chariots of Fire, The Godfather, yet more John Williams. We’ve got Classic FM for that soft-soap stuff, thank you very much. Yet Sweet defied us all, combining a cineaste’s enthusiasm with academic depth, delving far below the surface to add serious value to your listening.

• Too sexy for his shirt news:

The lovely Jonathan Bailey - whose career has rocketed from the West End [he did the most brilliant Not Getting Married Today when we saw him in the gender-reversed production of Sondheim's Company in 2018] via Bridgerton to big-screen stardom in Wicked - has been named as People Magazine's "Sexiest Man Alive" 2025.

• Greed is good news: Computer chip manufacturer Nvidia's value now exceeds the GDP of every country except the US and China, according to data from the World Bank.
• World-famous dog news: The original image upon which the iconic HMV record shops logo is based - a painting titled His Master’s Voice, of "Nipper" the dog listening to a gramophone - has been purchased by The Huguenot Museum in Rochester.


• National treasure comes to the rescue news: The Wildlife Trusts and Northumberland Wildlife Trust bid to complete the purchase of the Rothbury Estate - a 15-sq-mile (38.8-sq-km) tract of former grouse moor, woodland and farmland, with plans to boost wildlife, restore bogs and promote nature-friendly farming - has seen a massive surge in donations since Sir David Attenborough released a video backing the appeal.
• And finally: Happy Bonfire Night! Yes, every year, we Brits celebrate the arrest and execution of Guy Fawkes and his gang, caught trying to blow up the Houses of Parliament in "The Gunpowder Plot" of 1605 - by lighting bonfires and igniting the wicks of thousands of tons of, erm, explosive fireworks! To celebrate, this:

Lulu with Take That - Relight My Fire

And the weather? Still exceptionally mild for early November.

Socially inept weirdo with an exhaustive knowledge of Blake’s 7

Five of the best haircuts if you never want to have sex again

Exhausted by all the sex you’re getting? Start living like a monk by asking your barber for these hairstyles.

Bowl cut
Despite being practical, the sex appeal of the bowl cut remains non-existent. Generations of nerds have persisted with trying to make this haircut work by insisting that women look past it and focus on their personalities instead. Unfortunately anyone with a bowl cut is a socially inept weirdo with an exhaustive knowledge of Blake’s 7, meaning they don’t even get a handjob.

Mullet
Even in the Eighties the mullet was a risky move when it comes to getting laid. Pair it with a Lamborghini Countach and a pastel jacket with the sleeves rolled up and you could be in there. Sadly, if you try any of that shit today you’ll be slinking back home alone to perform an online age verification test.

Mum cut
Mums are too busy running households and picking up the slack of their deadbeat husbands to engage in anything as trivial and time-wasting as having sex. This is why they purposefully get their locks hacked into unattractive choppy bobs that don’t suit the shape of their face. If a mum decides to grow her hair out again, it’s because she’s gearing up for an affair.

Whatever you were rocking as a teenager
Despite being surrounded by people who were a similar cocktail of desperate hormones, you never did manage to get any action as a teenager. This wasn’t just because you were a precocious teen, your greasy shoulder-length curtains, unflattering fringe and clumsily gelled-up quiff played their part too. Get back on your dry spell by bringing them back.

Dreadlocks (if you’re white)
Forget about whether or not dreadlocks are a hygienic hairstyle. Their repellent quality actually lies in telling people that they’re not cultural appropriation because Vikings used to wear them. Even if you’ve got the most charming, charismatic personality, nobody is willing to put up with your condescending and dubious lectures. Plus they just look shit on you.

The Daily Mash

Of course.

When stout-hearted men can stick together man to man

Yep. Back to the old routine...

Another enjoyable weekend has gone boom! - and it's back to the office time again... Hey ho.

Today, alongside fellow celebrants Dame Anna Wintour, John Barry, Adam Ant, Monica Vitti, Charles Bronson, Roseanne Barr, Lord Kenneth Baker, Dolph Lundgren, Jeremy Brett, Vincenzo Bellini, Robert Miles, Ben Fogle, Ian Wright, Viscount David Linley (2nd Earl of Snowdon), Dylan Moran, Gary Olsen and Benvenuto Cellini...

...it's Lulu's birthday!

So, to cheer us up, and to give us a bit of a wake-up call on this Tacky Music Monday, how about the great lady herself with this "safety-gay-heavy" number?

Lulu - Stout-Hearted Men

Have a good week, dear reader.

The vengeance of Hell boils in my heart

The eternal struggle between sunlight and darkness, between day and night - how utterly appropriate for this time of year...

And so it was that, with great anticipation, Hils, History Boy, Madam Arcati and I swished into the opulent grandeur of The Royal Opera House, Covent Garden for its latest revival of Sir David McVicar's classic [first staged in 2003] production of The Magic Flute [or, more properly, as it's sung in its native German, Die Zauberflote] (in its last weekend before it closes on Monday).

Mozart's last opera before his untimely death aged just 35, he deliberately chose to do it in Singspiel style - basically a "fairy tale" with spoken, as well as sung segments - with a bit of comedy, a bit of panto villainy, a smattering of satire, and a nod to his interest in secret societies thrown in.

As a sum of its parts, however, it's a work of genius...

"[It makes a] special claim on one's affections, because its libretto is high camp. It's a peerlessly silly masterpiece: sublimely lucid music arising out of a parodistic fairy tale that celebrates in all seriousness the exalted brotherhood of the Freemasons." - Pauline Kael

Speaking of camp, there are a couple of rather wonderful highlights amongst the beautifully-sung "heroic prince gets quest (with the "magic flute" of the title) to rescue beloved princess, prince loses princess, prince has to pass several trials, prince gets princess back, sunshine triumphs, everyone lives happily ever after except the villainess" plot - not least the comic sidekick Papageno's joy at the end of all the trials and tribulations to finally get his ideal (and similarly-named) girl [here in rehearsal (NB Huw played the role last night, but Stephanie Edwards played "Papagena")]:

Huw Montague Rendall and Elisabeth Boudreault - Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-Papagena!

Of course, there is one spine-chilling moment that everyone's waiting for in this particular opera - and that's when the nastiest-of-nasty queens really shows what she's all about...

[Annie Fassea played the role last night - and was wonderful - but there's sadly no footage of her in the role, so this is the classic rendition - lyrics explained here]:

Diana Damrau - Der Hölle Rache (Queen of the Night aria) [The Magic Flute - Mozart]

Special mention must go the "star-crossed lovers" around whom the story revolves, Mingjie Lei as "Prince Tamino" and [the particularly good] Chelsea Zurflüh as "Princess Pamina", and to the much-maligned high priest "Sarastro", sung with booming magnificence by Timo Riihonen, as well as the camp-as-old tits "Three Ladies" Hannah Edmunds, Ellen Pearson and Emma Carrington.

Operas of this magnitude - this one's three hours' duration (with a 20-minute break) - are not for the faint-hearted or the weak-bladdered, however this production was so engaging and so brilliantly done, time passed really quickly. It really was a superb evening!