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Showing posts with label CGI. Show all posts
Showing posts with label CGI. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 12, 2026

SHARKTOPUS -- DVD Review by Porfle


 

Originally posted on 3/3/11

 

"Dumb" has a new name, and that name is SHARKTOPUS (2010).  This highly-rated SyFy Original Movie, produced by legendary filmmaker Roger Corman and his wife Julie, will either make you giddy with bad-movie excitement or leave you utterly stupified.  Maybe even both.

After the success of DINOSHARK, SyFy contacted Corman about doing this film as a follow-up.  As he relates in the commentary, he initially turned it down because, while "dinosharks" might conceivably have existed in prehistoric times, the idea of a half-shark, half-octopus just seemed a little too farfetched.  (Unlike, say, giant crab monsters.)  He eventually gave in, on the condition that the creature be a product of genetic engineering rather than a freak of nature. 

Thus, we have scientist Nathan Sands (Eric Roberts) and his daughter Nicole (Sara Malakul Lane), whom he affectionately refers to as "Pumpkin", creating the dreaded Sharktopus for the military.  Pumpkin naively hopes Sharktopus will be used for good, but her sneaky dad has designed it to be a ruthless killing machine, which it demonstrates when its electronic restraints are damaged during a test and it starts eating people all up and down the coast of scenic Puerto Vallarta.  With the Navy breathing down his back, Sands hires fun-loving aquatic mercenary Andy Flynn (Kerem Bursin) to reel the big fish in and bring it back alive.
 


With this set-up quickly established, the film now treats us to an endless series of Sharktopus attacks with lots of tourists getting snared by the creature's tentacles right there on the shore and dragged into its toothy maw.  Several of these kills begin with an establishing montage of festive beach images and ample footage of bikini-clad babes cavorting around like monster appetizers.  When Sharktopus suddenly appears, the various bit players must then hop around screaming as the SPFX guys wrap bad-CGI tentacles around them and make with the spewing digital blood. 

The big, cartoony shark head which pops out of the water to chow down on them is highly effective--at generating laughs.  Seeing the entire mismatched monstrosity perched on a guardrail or the roof of a bamboo hut in all its writhing, snarling glory, treating the fleeing humans like a sushi buffet, is a sight you won't soon forget.  Special mention goes to the bunjee-jumping scene, which Corman tells us got the biggest response from audiences and is one of the movie's few genuinely effective moments.  (Roger and Julie's daughter guest-stars as the bouncing bait.)



With few exceptions, the performances range from awful to not-really-trying.  Mostly the actors just seem anxious to knock off their scenes and get back to partying in Puerta Vallarta.  Blake Lindsey isn't bad as Pez, a fisherman who leads TV newswoman Stacy Everheart (Liv Boughn) and her dopey cameraman Bones (Héctor Jiménez, who played Lonnie Donaho in GENTLEMEN BRONCOS) to wherever Sharktopus is likely to appear next.  As a pirate radio DJ, Ralph Garman of "The Joe Schmo Show" seems to be having fun.  Bursin and Lane make a dull main couple as Flynn and Pumpkin and could probably use a few more acting lessons. 

As for Eric Roberts, he's one of my favorite actors and I'd watch him in anything, which is fitting since these days it looks like he'll show up in anything.   Going from THE DARK KNIGHT to this must've been like falling out of a yacht into a swamp.  (Look for Roger Corman himself in a cameo as a beach bum.)



On a technical level, SHARKTOPUS is slapdash at best.  Things like camerawork, editing, and scene transitions are a dizzying jumble of ineptitude, while the subpar direction makes it hard to believe Declan O'Brien is the same guy who did such a solid job with WRONG TURN 3: LEFT FOR DEAD. 

The script, which seems to have been written on a Big Chief tablet, obviously doesn't take itself very seriously, as when Flynn offers this warning to the patrons of an open-air restaurant by the beach: "Excuse me, everyone.  There's a killer shark-octopus hybrid headed this way.  Please leave the marina in a timely fashion."  The thing is, movies like this are funnier when they aren't trying to be, so the scenes that actually mean to shock or excite us invariably provoke the most giggles. 

The DVD from Anchor Bay is in 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen with Dolby Digital 5.1 sound and subtitles in English and Spanish.  Extras include a commentary with Roger and Julie Corman plus the film's trailer. 

Any movie containing Eric Roberts, bikini babes, extras doing the imaginary-tentacle-tango, the guy who played Lonnie Donaho in GENTLEMEN BRONCOS, and one of the dumbest monsters in film history can't be all bad.  And SHARKTOPUS doesn't let up for a minute--it keeps assaulting us with undiluted stupid during its entire running time.  That's a claim some of this year's Best Picture nominees can't even make.




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Thursday, May 7, 2026

DINOCROC VS. SUPERGATOR -- DVD Review by Porfle


 Originally posted on 6/25/11

 

Roger Corman strikes again with another mutant monster fest that's actually a cut above the rest.  The rest, that is, of these bizarro beast brawls that the venerable producer has been churning out for the SyFy Channel lately.  While DINOCROC VS. SUPERGATOR (2010) never strives to be more than the addlebrained B-picture that it is, it's still better than the likes of SHARKTOPUS.  And, for once, the CGI is pretty darn good.

In his final film appearance, David Carradine plays Jason Drake, a shady millionaire who commissions some scientists to develop techniques for growing oversized food, then orders them to apply the same science to living animals so he can sell the results to the military.  Two of the results, a dinocroc and a supergator, escape from the secluded lab and gobble up all the scientists they can eat before heading off to more populated areas.  This opening sequence is pretty cool and lets us know right away that the SPFX in this movie aren't going to be all that painful to look at.  In fact, they're rather impressive at times.

Not so impressive are the acting and dialogue, but in a movie called DINOCROC VS. SUPERGATOR I don't exactly expect to see Sir Lawrence Olivier doing "Hamlet."  Carradine, who does most of his scenes lounging in a chair by the pool, is there to grab a paycheck and soak up the Hawaiian scenery.  Rib Hillis is adequate as crossbow-slinging tough guy "The Cajun", whom Drake hires to kill the escaped monsters, and Amy Rasimas is suitably plucky and hot as Cassidy, who is some kind of game warden or something so she gets to wear a skimpy uniform.
 


Corey Landis plays the role of FBI investigator Paul Beaumont, assigned to collect evidence against Drake, with an enjoyably light touch.  (His hideous Hawaiian shirt is a nice running gag.) I especially liked Lisa Clapperton as Drake's bad-girl assistant Victoria, a heartless hitwoman who likes to kill people.  Former Penthouse Pet and softcore sex film star Delia Sheppard appears as a scientist who escapes the initial carnage and tries to warn the world of the impending lizard attack.

It's all very tongue-in-cheek, with director Jim Wynorski (as "Jay Andrews") giving it all a dynamic visual quality that includes some really nice camerawork and a fairly brisk pace despite some draggy spots.  Shot mostly on the Hawaiian island of Kauai, the scenery is often spectacular and there's no shortage of bikini girls running around serving themselves up as reptile treats.  Quite a few people get eaten, in fact, including some mercenaries sent in by Drake to kill the escaped animals and finish off the surviving scientists.  Two of them have a dialogue exchange I found amusing:

"Man, I don't think I could stomach shooting civilians like that."
"Don't think of it as civilians.  Think of it as dollar signs."

 


In most shots the creatures' movements are relatively fluid and natural, and they seem to have weight and substance.  A sequence with the supergator chasing a speeding jeep down a dirt road (a la JURASSIC PARK) features some outstanding CGI and is just one of many effects scenes that I found particularly well-done for a film of this kind.  The final battle between dinocroc and supergator is handled nicely as well, although this title altercation comes as a brief, one-sided letdown.

The DVD from Anchor Bay is in 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen with Dolby Digital 5.1 sound.  Subtitles are in English and Spanish.  Extras include a laidback commentary track with Roger Corman and Jim Wynorsky, and the film's trailer.

Unlike some of the other films in this oddball sub-genre, DINOCROC VS. SUPERGATOR actually feels sort of like a real movie that you can enjoy without lowering your expectation level to rock-bottom.  Still, it never takes itself seriously enough to try and be anything more than what it is--a competently-made and fairly enjoyable junk film.    


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Wednesday, December 31, 2025

AVATAR -- DVD Review by Porfle


Originally posted on 4/25/10



I missed AVATAR (2009) at the theater, which is hardly surprising since I rarely go to the theater anymore unless I'm having my house sprayed or something. In a way that's good since, with the release of James Cameron's blockbuster sci-fi epic on DVD, I can now judge it without being bowled over by the whoopty-doo big-screen 3D experience. And as far as I'm concerned, it pretty much lives up to all the hype. Unless you simply have an aversion to James Cameron films, which I don't.

Everyone probably knows the story by now: in the future, a paraplegic Marine named Jake Sully (Sam Worthington) travels to the distant planet of Pandora and takes his deceased twin brother's place in a research project aimed at studying an indigenous alien race called the Na'vi. To do so, team members such as Jake, Norm Spellman (Joel David Moore), and crotchety project leader Grace Augustine (Sigourney Weaver) mind-jump into cloned Na'vi bodies ("avatars") which also contain their own DNA (which is why Jake was chosen to take over for his deceased twin).

Jake gets more than he bargained for when circumstances bring him into direct contact with a Na'vi tribe which is initially hostile toward the intruder. He falls in love with the tribal chief's daughter Neytiri (Zoe Saldana), who has been charged with teaching him their ways, and learns to appreciate their amazing physical and spiritual connection with nature,eventually becoming accepted as one of them. But a greedy corporate executive, Parker Selfridge (Giovanni Ribisi), wants the Na'vi off their mineral-rich holy ground and tasks his ex-military security force, led by the extremely hostile Colonel Miles Quaritch (Stephen Lang) to get the job done even if it means using deadly force.


AVATAR is James Cameron's love letter to tree-huggers everywhere, and his message does resonate within the context of the film (although after awhile you just get a little tired of how perfect the Na'vi are compared to us horrible humans--even their deity is realer than ours). The familiar story contains elements of, among other things, Edgar Rice Burroughs, Kipling's "The Jungle Book", Disney's POCOHANTAS, DANCES WITH WOLVES, LITTLE BIG MAN, and, of course, a certain story about some starcrossed lovers named Rose and Jack.

But while Cameron once again gets to indulge the romantic side which bubbled to the surface of his roiling id in TITANIC (all that's missing, unfortunately, is a "cry moment" at the end), what really gets his moviemaking mojo in gear is the massive battle between the humans and the Na'vi which takes up the latter third of the film. Huge warships and helicopters maneuver around the floating mountains, firing incendiary bombs and other nasty things into the heart of the Na'vi habitat, while ground forces in mechanical power-suits (which are like a combination of similar creations in both ALIENS and MATRIX: REVOLUTIONS) do furious battle with thousands of bow-wielding Na'vi warriors. These battle scenes are spectacular and are my favorite part of the movie. I suspect they're Cameron's favorite part, too.


The SPFX are consistently amazing, providing the viewer with some of the best eye-candy to ever grace the screen. We've already come a long way from, for example, those beautiful vistas of Naboo in THE PHANTOM MENACE--Cameron's alien planet is filled with bizarre flora and fauna amidst a kaleidescope of vibrant colors (especially at night when everything turns luminescent), and looks like a conglomeration of Yes album-cover artist Roger Dean's wildest fantasies brought to life. The flying reptiles ridden by the Na'vi are especially impressive, although some of the other forest creatures look somewhat less convincing than one might expect.

The Na'vi themselves are the last word in CGI motion-capture technology, their performances every bit as expressive as those of the live actors. Worthington, Weaver, and Moore are, by necessity, recognizable in their alien form (it's really fun seeing Weaver's face on one of these things), while the faces of the native characters played by Zoe Saldana, Wes Studi, and CCH Pounder are creations of the FX artists which allow us to get to know them as individuals without any preconceptions.


Sam Worthington is good as the "stranger in a strange land" hero, making a convincing transition from dedicated Marine to Na'vi convert (some would say traitor), and Zoe Saldana is very appealing as Neytiri. Sigourney Weaver is her usual awesome self as Dr. Augustine, although for someone who's supposed to be a nicotine addict she smokes a cigarette like she had a fishing worm dangling out of her mouth. The versatile Giovanni Ribisi is hilarious as the cartoonishly greedy, self-obsessed "unobtanium" (THE CORE, anyone?) tycoon Parker Selfridge, a kindred soul to ALIENS' Carter Burke. My favorite, though, is equally versatile Stephen Lang (MANHUNTER, TOMBSTONE) as the quintessential hard-ass military ogre, Quaritch, who's itching for a bloody showdown with the Na'vi "hoss-tiles" regardless of provocation or lack thereof. And lest I forget, Michelle Rodriguez makes the most of her role as a spunky military pilot who sympathizes with the scientists.

The DVD from 20th-Century Fox is a barebones affair unless you consider chapter selections and subtitles to be "special features." Not surprisingly, a super-duper edition is in the works for later this year. If you can't wait to own it, though, and simply want the movie itself, this will do. Image and sound quality are very good as you might expect.


So, AVATAR is a colorful, fanciful comment on the displacement of indigenous populations by encroaching interlopers, the destruction of the rain forests, U.S. military intervention into other countries, etc., etc. I don't care about any of that stuff. Cameron can exorcise his white liberal guilt and make big statements reminding us that racism=bad and the environment=good, and have the greenest mansion, land yachts, and private jet in Hollywood for all I care. I just happen to get a big kick out of the massive, powerhouse feats of action-adventure cinema this often underestimated and derided filmmaker manages to successfully pull off at great risk and expense (in addition to his earlier, lower-budgeted stuff, of course). While I don't love the guy with a fanboy's zeal (and am, quite frankly, glad I don't ever have to be around him in real life, ever), I find his movies visually sumptuous and incredibly entertaining, which fits quite nicely into one of the most vital niches of my movie lover's soul.


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Friday, December 19, 2025

SNOWMAGEDDON -- DVD Review by Porfle



 

Originally posted on 11/7/12

 

There seems to be an entire category of movies on the SyFy Channel in which small Canadian towns double as small Northwestern towns in the USA which are menaced by some kind of supernatural (or super-natural) force, which resides or has its origin in a nearby mountain.  Bad CGI comes as a standard feature; giant tentacles are optional. 

One of the latest entries in this curious little sub-genre is SNOWMAGEDDON (2011), a movie whose title pretty much lets us know what kind of movie we're in for.  This time, a rustic burg in Alaska gets hammered by a series of unnatural disasters such as a storm cloud that shoots ice torpedoes which shatter into deadly shrapnel, gaping fissures bisecting city streets and gushing flames, and huge pointy things shooting up out of the ground to spear moving vehicles like shish-kabobs. 

The reason for all this is kept from us at first, lending the film an air of supernatural mystery that's mildly intriguing--until, that is, we find out that the secret behind it all is pretty freakin' dumb.  Suffice it to say that there's this kid named Rudy who plays a role-playing game about dragons and wizards, and he anonymously receives a strange snowglobe for Christmas with a tiny repica of the town in it, and whenever he winds it up, something bad happens.  Somehow, all of this is related to that RPG that he plays.  Why?  Don't ask me.

The destruction is depicted with some pretty good practical effects--the picturesque little town is trashed quite nicely--along with the usual fair-to-awful CGI.  Once the slush hits the fan, the action is split into different little suspense situations of varying interest, including two hapless shlubs trapped in a bus covered with downed power lines, stranded snowboarders who picked the wrong mountain to board, and a mother-daughter duo in a crashed helicopter. 

Good editing helps jazz things up a bit, but it's all just standard time-waster stuff that helps cheapo flicks like this fill in the space between the opening and closing credits. 

Once the kid finally convinces the grownups that his evil snowglobe is causing all the trouble--which, admittedly, might be a bit hard to swallow at first--they follow his sage advice on how to combat the supernatural menace.  Which means two things: one, they've really run out of ideas.  And two, his dad, John Miller (David Cubitt), must make a trek up the now-volcanic peak in order to do what the hero in the game does to stop the evil. 

The acting is about as good as you'd expect from this sort of thing, with Laura Harris (of the late, lamented "Defying Gravity") deserving better as Rudy's plucky mom, Beth.  The dialogue isn't any better or worse than required, save for the occasional eye-rolling exchange such as this:

LARRY: "That thing's straight from Hell itself."
FRED: "Calm down, Larry."
LARRY: "You calm down, Fred."

The DVD from Anchor Bay is in 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen with Dolby 5.1 sound and subtitles in English and Spanish.  No extras.

Really, I can't add any more to this than you can already figure out from the title.  If the word SNOWMAGEDDON doesn't tell you exactly what this movie is all about and whether or not you'll enjoy it, nothing will.  Bottom line: it's a passable, tolerable time-waster.



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Saturday, September 27, 2025

DINOSAURS: GIANTS OF PATAGONIA -- DVD Review by Porfle


Originally posted on 3/12/11

 

From the very first second of DINOSAURS: GIANTS OF PATAGONIA (2007), things pop, fly, and explode toward the viewer.  The "Ooh! Ahh!" effect of it all is somewhat lost watching the two-dimensional DVD version of this made-for-3D IMAX film, as I did, although it still retains much of its pictorial grandeur. 

Writer-director Marc Fafard's dinosaur documentary is filled with beautiful vistas of Argentina, where the oldest and largest dinosaur fossils have been found.  As Donald Sutherland's familiar voice lulls us into the story, we're taken back 65 million years to the point in which a comet the size of Mount Everest is about to slam into the Earth and spell doom for its inhabitants (in a scene similar to the opening of ARMAGEDDON).  We'll witness the dramatic extinction of the dinosaurs later on, but first we skip back in time even farther to the Early Cretaceous period, where we meet some of the largest animals ever to walk the face of the planet.  

The CGI used to bring these creatures to life isn't quite on the JURASSIC PARK level but it's better than most.  The film follows the progress of two main characters, Strong One the male Argentinosaurus and Long Tooth the female Giganotosaurus, throughout their lives as they search for food and struggle to survive encounters with various predators.  At one point Long Tooth and her hunting pack attack Strong One's Argentinosaurus herd but are no match for the huge beasts.  Several other species of dinosaur are seen along the way, including the ever-popular T-Rex and a flying pterosaur with a wing span of over twelve meters.



These colorful sequences help offset the dry narrative tone and the slower stretches in which we observe real-life paleontologist Rodolfo Coria at work uncovering the fossils from which much of this historical data is derived.  It's interesting stuff, of course, watching this diligent explorer about his meticulous work, but a bit of a letdown after the dinosaur scenes. 

Fafard takes his camera anywhere it can possibly go in order to capture dynamic views of Argentina's most primitive regions.  Dizzying POV shots glide slowly over the landscape, often directly into the frame.  The CGI dinosaurs are extremely well-integrated into these settings. 

The DVD from Image Entertainment is in 1.78:1 widescreen with English and French Dolby Digital 5.1 sound.  There are no subtitles.  In addition to trailers, the bonus menu contains a documentary entitled "The Lizard King" which is equal in length to the main feature and boasts a wealth of additional dinosaur information presented in a seriocomic style. 

While the non-3D DVD of DINOSAURS: GIANTS OF PATAGONIA may seem a little, uhh..."flat" compared to its stereoscopic counterpart--especially during the parts where we're watching people dig up old bones--the visuals remain very impressive and the CGI dinosaur footage is among the best I've seen.  


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Thursday, July 31, 2025

EARTHSTORM -- Movie Review by Porfle


 

Originally posted on 10/17/10

 

I really like imminent-doom-from-space movies like ARMAGEDDON, DEEP IMPACT, WHEN WORLDS COLLIDE, and their directionally-inverted counterpart, THE CORE.  The makers of EARTHSTORM (2006) obviously like them, too, because their movie is very similar to these in several ways except a very obvious one: budget.  It's an epic disaster flick scaled down to barely the size of a Sci-Fi Channel movie (which, in fact, it is), with most of the drama taking place in--as Paul's very clean grandad from A HARD DAY'S NIGHT might have put it--a cheap CGI shot and a room, a barebones space shuttle interior and a room, and a room and a room.

After a title sequence that resembles the opening of "Star Trek:The Next Generation", the movie kicks off with the moon being struck by a huge asteroid.  Not only does this send a shower of huge meteorites raining down upon the Earth, but it also causes a gradually-widening crack that threatens to break the moon itself into pieces.  Worldwide weather chaos ensues as well, and we get to see the usual idiot newsguys standing in the middle of it as they breathlessly give us the play-by-play.  The CGI in the "meteors hit city" scenes is okay--not great, but not actually laughable, either.  It's a small-scale disaster, to be sure, but if you scale down your expectations to match, then it's not so bad.

Scientist Lara Gale (Amy Price-Francis) is summoned to the ASI, or "American Space Institute" (which is the equivalent of NASA in the alternate dimension in which this story seems to take place), by her colleague Dr. Garth Pender (John Ralston), to help whip up some kind of solution to the problem.  Lara's late father predicted that this scenario might someday occur and came up with his own theoretical remedy, based on his belief that the interior of the moon was composed mainly of iron.  This, however, was ridiculed by his peers in the scientific community, including the President's current Chief Scientific Advisor, Victor Stevens (Dirk Benedict), one of those characters whose sole purpose is to arbitrarily laugh off all the rational solutions proposed by our heroes and insist on doing things the stupid way.  Benedict, who was Starbuck on the original "Battlestar Galactica" and Face on "The A-Team", is used to playing stupid characters and does a pretty good job here.

The plan, as it is, consists of sending astronauts to the moon to blow up some nukes and cause the crack to collapse in upon itself.  In ARMAGEDDON, the fate of mankind rested on the world's greatest oil driller.  Here, it requires the expertise of ace building-blower-upper John Redding (Stephen Baldwin), who just happens to be the world's greatest demolition expert.  He gets summoned to ASI headquarters, and we just know that before you can say "Press the button, Stamper!", he's gonna end up having to go into space himself to make sure the job gets done right.  Upon hearing the plan, he protests, "I don't know anything about the moon!" to which Dr. Pender responds, "Nobody knows more about how things collapse in on themselves than you."  Well, you can't argue with that.

After a bunch of scenes consisting of people in rooms talking to each other, with a few "ehh" disaster shots thrown in here and there, we get to the film's most gripping sequence: the launch of the shuttle during a furious tropical storm.  With time running out and no backup plan, Redding and the two shuttle pilots must go for broke and take off even as various systems hover in and out of "no-go" status and the storm rages around them.  Things also get pretty tense during the shuttle's approach to the moon through a dense field of debris.  By this time, I wasn't expecting ILM-level effects, so I found these scenes visually adequate.  What sorta had me scratching my head, though, was the fact that they seem to have gravity on board the shuttle.  I guess you just can't simulate having a big lug like Stephen Baldwin floating around weightless without spending some serious cash.

Speaking of which, these Baldwin brothers really are a bunch of big lugs, aren't they?  Don't get me wrong--I like them.  But they look like the kind of guys you'd see hanging out at a Flintstone family reunion.  Alec used to be the slim, handsome one--his "Flintstones" character would probably be a movie star named "Rock Granite" or something--and Stephen was the lanky, kid-brother one.  Daniel, the middle Baldwin, was the original "big lug" type of the three.  Now, they're all starting to look more and more alike as Alec and Stephen's physical appearance begins to move closer toward the middle ground inhabited by Daniel.  A time-lapse montage of close-ups from their movies, in chronological order, would probably look like one of those transformation scenes in THE WOLF MAN.  One of these days we won't even be able to tell them apart, and they'll be able to star in an all-Baldwin remake of WHEN DINOSAURS RULED THE EARTH.

Anyway, once Redding and the astronauts reach the moon, they discover that the nuke plan isn't going to work and that an alternate plan based on the theories of Dr. Gale's late father must be improvised (which will vindicate the old guy at last).  Take that, you dumb old President's Chief Science Advisor!  This leads to a sequence similar to one in APOLLO 13 in which the eggheads at mission control must devise a way to utilize only the equipment and resources available on board the shuttle to conquer the problem.  And a certain level of suspense is maintained as the shuttle is bombarded by debris while the clock ticks down to the point beyond which it will be too late to save the Earth. 

Stephen Baldwin does a good job and is likable in his Barney Rubble kind of way.  The supporting players are good, particularly Matt Gordon as "Albert", one of the eggheads running around mission control like a chicken with its head cut off, and Richard Leacock as "Ollie", the mission control guy who wants to abort the shuttle liftoff.  I also liked Redding's building-demolition helper, Bryna (Anna Silk).  She's very appealing in a "girl-next-door" kind of way.  Does Bryna get together with Redding in the end, like I wanted?  I'll put it this way--no.  GRRRRRRRR!!!  The final romantic pair-ups in this movie are infuriatingly wrong, and made me want to smash the DVD into little pieces, mix it with mashed potatoes and gravy, and eat it, thus symbolizing my total victory over this film and everyone involved. 

But on further reflection, I decided that such a course of action would probably be overdoing it a bit.  After all, EARTHSTORM is just a low-rent sci-fi actioner that is fairly entertaining if you catch it in the right mood, and it's not going to kill me if it doesn't end exactly the way I wanted it to.  But Stephen Baldwin's character and Amy Price-Francis' character ending up together?  Pffft--never gonna work.  Just wait'll she sees how much hair this guy's gonna leave in the tub every time he takes a shower.


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Wednesday, July 30, 2025

ROADKILL -- DVD Review by Porfle


Originally posted on 8/4/11

 

One of the most fun movies named "Roadkill" that I've seen since they started making movies named "Roadkill", ROADKILL (2011) is the rare example of a SyFy Channel movie with a CGI monster that doesn't totally suck.  It's as though my TV suddenly had a "fun" knob that I was able to turn up after the opening scenes heralded imminent boredom.

With some of the most excruciatingly obvious expository dialogue imaginable, we learn that Kate (Kacey Barnfield) has moved to Ireland to work and her American friends have joined her there for one last reunion vacation.  This includes old flame Ryan (Oliver James), best friend Anita (Roisin Murphy), med-school brother Joel (Colin Maher), clownish nerd Chuck (Diarmuid Noyes), not-so-best-friend Hailey (Eliza Bennett), and token black guy Tommy (Kobna Holdbrook-Smith), who, no kidding, says "Yo, yo, I'm down wit dat" in his first scene.

Of course, we want all of these people to die horribly as soon as they open their mouths, which looks like a pretty good prospect when their motor home pulls up in front of an isolated store that looks like something out of "The Irish Chain Saw Massacre."  Anita wants to purchase a necklace worn by an inbred yokel named Luca (a very effective Ned Dennehy), and after a dispute the kids make off with it, running over an old gypsy woman in the process.  Before she dies, she puts a curse on them--one by one, they will all be snatched away by a giant mythical bird, which, needless to say, threatens to put a damper on their vacation.



After a stupid beginning, this Irish backwoods stuff actually starts creating some ominous atmosphere, especially when the fleeing youngsters get hopelessly lost in a creeping fog and start hearing scraping sounds on the roof of their van.  Not only that, but the stock characters start acting kind of like real people and we begin to slightly care about them.  It isn't long before we see the massive Roc dive-bombing at them with its giant claws outstretched, and surprisingly, the CGI is pretty good.  Then we get our first shockingly gory death scene, and it's a humdinger.

Now I'm enjoying ROADKILL instead of dreading it.  The kids run into all sorts of trouble including a flat tire that somebody's gonna have to go out there and fix, the usual lack of cell phone functionality (didn't see that coming, did ya?), and the serial reappearance of an increasingly hostile Luca along with his yokel brethren.  It turns out that Luca needs that necklace as a talisman to ward off the Roc, whom he also appeases by staking out hapless passersby as sacrificial bird food.  Drina (Eve Macklin), Luca's really hot sister or cousin or whatever (I don't think it really matters), also gets into the act with a sawed-off shotgun, heightening my interest level to an unhealthy degree.



The rest of the film manages to keep the tension pretty taut with several scenes of suspense and a few character moments that are unexpectedly resonant.  Performances seem to improve as the situation gets more frantic, and the fact that nobody's safe from the rampaging Roc keeps us on edge.  Stephen Rea (THE CRYING GAME) even shows up at one point as a local cop who isn't quite as helpful as he should be.  The ending, far-fetched as it is, puts a satisfying capper on the whole thing.

The DVD from Vivendi Entertainment is in widescreen with Dolby 5.1 sound.  There are no extras or subtitles.

Don't get me wrong--ROADKILL isn't some kind of wonderful flick and I'm not guaranteeing that you'll love it.  It's just that when my expectations are so low, being surprisingly entertained by a movie like this tends to make me regard it rather fondly.  And as far as these SyFy Channel monster-of-the-week potboilers go, it Rocs. 



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Tuesday, July 29, 2025

12 DISASTERS -- DVD Review by Porfle



Originally posted on 1/7/14

 

If one disaster makes for an exciting movie, then twelve of them would be twelve times more exciting, right?  Well...we're talking about the SyFy Channel here, and 12 DISASTERS (2012) is just the same old story they've been rehashing for years only with some slightly different but equally rinky-dink CGI.

Ed Quinn (BEHEMOTH) heads a cast dotted with several SyFy vets as rugged family man Joseph, whose 18-year-old daughter Jacey (Magda Apanowicz, SNOWMAGEDDON) turns out to be the "chosen one" in a long line of mystical women going all the way back to the Mayans.  She's the one who will have to stop the ancient Mayan prediction of the end of the world on 12/21/2012, as foretold in--brace yourselves--the Christmas carol "The 12 Days of Christmas." (The film's original title, as you might guess, was "The 12 Disasters of Christmas.")

You're probably singing that to yourself right now but it won't really help until you get to the part about the "five gold rings", which Jacey and her dad must locate and which are buried (for some damn reason I couldn't figure out) in secret locations all around their remote, rustic town (the usual Canadian location subbing for the U.S. Northwest).  Only with all five rings can Jacey ward off the impending twelve disasters which will destroy the earth.


We never really understand what the rest of the world has to fear since the disasters only affect their own small town, and most of them don't even qualify as "disasters."  There's a bad-CGI tornado, a mild earthquake, and some pretty cool giant ice shards that rain down out of the sky and skewer a few citizens (including Joseph's mom).

At one point, a crack in the earth releases some red gas that disintegrates a few bad guys who are under the impression that they can save themselves by sacrificing Jacey by fire (including the typical evil industrialist played by Roark Critchlow of EARTH'S FINAL HOURS). 

Another fissure in the earth's crust releases a sort of heat force-field that fries anything that tries to pass through it,  including some really poorly-rendered rescue helicopters.   The most interesting "disaster", for me anyway, is a rapidly-spreading cold wave that flash-freezes everything in its path, but we only get to see a few selected townspeople get turned into ice statues.  This is mainly due to the fact that these scenes don't feature a whole lot of extras.

Probably the dumbest-looking of the various deadly perils is a string of out-of-control Christmas lights that wrap themselves around a hapless victims and zap him to death in what might be Clark Griswold's worst nightmare.

The final and supposedly deadliest disaster occurs, as it so often does in these flicks, up in the mountains, where some meager volcanic effects billow and spew as Jacey and her dad scramble to locate the last ring.

Their quest to do so gets decidedly tiresome in the film's second half, as Critchlow's character menaces them while his cowardly cohort Jude (Andrew Airlie, APOLLO 18, "Defying Gravity") holds Joseph's wife Mary (Holly Elissa, ICE QUAKE) and son Peter (Ryan Grantham,  ICE QUAKE) hostage. (But at least you can pass the time picking out all of the script's obvious Biblical references.)


Director Steven R. Monroe of 2010's I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE and its sequel (as well as 2006's LEFT IN DARKNESS) turns in a passable but rushed job of bringing the screenplay by writer Rudy Thauberger (SNOWMAGEDDON) to a semblance of life.  Performances range from okay to not-so-great, with Magda Apanowicz as Jacey managing to work up the most convincing displays of emotion.

As Grant, an old codger who tries in vain to warn everyone of the impending doom, is veteran actor Donnelly Rhodes, whose mile-long list of credits includes playing the gambler who accuses Robert Redford of cheating in the opening minutes of BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KID.

The DVD from Anchor Bay is in 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen with Dolby 5.1 sound and subtitles in English and Spanish.  No extras.

If you catch 12 DISASTERS in the right mood, you'll probably get some "bad-movie" enjoyment out of it.  At any rate, most of us pretty much know just what to expect from these SyFy Channel "end-of-the-world" flicks and whether or not we want to waste precious moments of our lives watching them.




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Saturday, April 12, 2025

THE SWAN PRINCESS: ROYALLY UNDERCOVER -- DVD Review by Porfle



 

Originally posted on 3/27/17

 

I'm not that big a fan of the endless parade of digital "cartoons" these days, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy an engaging and pleasantly-rendered romp like THE SWAN PRINCESS: ROYALLY UNDERCOVER (2017) when it comes my way. 

Directed by former Disney animation director Richard Rich, it's the sixth direct-to-video sequel to his 1994 theatrical film THE SWAN PRINCESS which was done with old-school handpainted cel animation (which I sorely miss) as were the first three sequels. 

The main characters of that film were a beautiful princess named Odette and a handsome prince named Derek.  In the current sequels, they're older, married, and have an adopted daughter, Princess Alise. 


She and her friend Lucas, a shy peasant boy living with his parents on a tulip farm, are the new focus of our attention as they have colorful adventures in and around their mythical kingdom.  Here, they go undercover as spies to find out if ditzy Queen Uberta's dashing young suitor, a Count from a nearby kingdom, is really as nice as he seems or if he has ulterior motives that could threaten the entire kingdom and its royal family.

Alise and Lucas are the typical spunky, likable kids who get in and out of trouble by their own wits and also with the help of their talking animal friends.  Their grown-up ally is a grandfatherly Lord Rogers, an inventor with a secret subterranean vault full of cool steampunk spy gadgets.  He's sort of a Hans Conried type with the look of a sage old gentleman but the heart of a child, and he secretly loves the Queen.

Aside from some shots of him, the kids, and their animal friends wearing shades and walking in slo-mo RESERVOIR DOGS style (to accentuate the "spy" theme), there are refreshingly few "nudge-nudge" modern references barring a rather spectacular nod to GOLDENEYE in the pre-titles sequence. 


Moreover, this film really is G-rated, with no smirky double-entendres or unwelcome sexual innuendos of the kind that crop up in much of the so-called "childrens" entertainment these days.  Everything remains resolutely juvenile throughout--in a good way.

Adults should find it more than tolerable, especially in the second half when the kids infiltrate the Count's castle and all that spy stuff starts to pay off in a big way.  Alise and Lucas encounter a number of bad guys and dangerous situations, and the action and suspense are pretty much nonstop.

At this point in the series, the songs (what few there are) aren't that special and there are no celebrity character voiceovers, but I doubt if kids will really mind all that much. 


Characters are genuinely warm and caring toward each other, and the story puts forth various benevolent themes of togetherness, teamwork, and charity (a neighboring kingdom damaged by a flood receives emergency aid) in unobtrusive ways. "Don't trust kindly strangers bearing chocolate" is another subtle message.

The DVD from Sony Pictures Home Entertainment is in 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen with Dolby 5.1 sound in English and French, and Dolby Surround in Mandarin, Korean, Spanish, and Thai.  Subtitles are available.  In addition to several trailers for other Sony kids' films, there's a brief featurette with singer Macy Kate recording the end titles song.

Online comments from fans of the series indicate that some feel THE SWAN PRINCESS: ROYALLY UNDERCOVER is inferior to its predecessors.  But it's such a colorful and brightly entertaining diversion that, not having seen any of the earlier ones, I found this sequel quite enjoyable.




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Thursday, March 27, 2025

THE LOST TREASURE OF THE GRAND CANYON -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on May 7, 2009

 

A Sci-Fi Channel original movie is like a box of chocolates--you never know what you're gonna get, or just how nutty it's gonna be. THE LOST TREASURE OF THE GRAND CANYON (2008) is not only nutty as hell, but it's so hard to swallow that Forrest Gump would've choked on it.

Shannen Doherty stars as a 19th-century archeologist named Susan Jordan (who is anachronistically referred to in the DVD's captions as "Ms. Jordan"). Susan is following in the footsteps of her father--literally, in fact, since he disappeared on an expedition in the American southwest and she's on the hunt for him. 

Dr. Jordan (Duncan Fraser) was searching for an Aztec pyramid that's supposed to be hidden out there somewhere, and Susan enlists the aid of her colleagues in her search. The trail leads them to a grand canyon, just like the title says, only it isn't THE Grand Canyon since this was filmed in British Columbia.

Finding a passageway into the hidden canyon, the group encounters a hostile tribe of Aztecs who seem to be constantly sacrificing people to appease their horrible flying serpent god. These Aztecs are a motley bunch with pallid skin, cottage cheese thighs, and big butts, and they wear the same kind of flip-flops that you get out of a bin at Wal-Mart, but Shannen and her pals have their hands full fighting them off while struggling through a series of low-grade cliffhanger perils. 

These include trying to get through a booby-trapped doorway without being decapitated by the spring-loaded axe, falling into a pit where they must avoid getting beaned by a spiked ball on a chain, and, in one of the lamest suspense scenes ever, attempting to pull two of their group out of a large puddle of quicksand by poking sticks at them.

Shannen Doherty is getting a bit long-in-the-tooth to be playing this sort of ingenue role, especially when we (along with the male leads) are supposed to be titillated by the sight of her sponging off in a creek. "Stargate SG-1" alumnus Michael Shanks fares a bit better as Shannen's secret admirer Jacob Thain, a hands-off archeologist who'd rather stay in his tent than pick up a shovel but who turns out to be quite courageous and resourceful when the chips are down. 

Another familiar face, JR Bourne, does well as the cowardly Langford. Heather Doerksen ("Stargate: Atlantis", THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL) plays one of those irritating frontier feminists whose character gets sillier as the movie goes on, along with the script.

LOST TREASURE wants to offer up the same excitement and thrills as an Indiana Jones or Ricochet O'Connell adventure, but it just doesn't have the budget or the talent to pull off anything that comes close. Sparse production values and really bad CGI conspire to give the film a consistently bargain-basement look (shots of the canyon's interior are particularly cheesy), which is compounded by slipshod direction from LAWNMOWER MAN 2's Farhad Mann and some of the worst handheld camerawork I've ever seen. And since it's a Sci-Fi Channel original, you just know there's going to be a CGI creature--in this case, the Aztec serpent god--that's considerably less than convincing.

The DVD's 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen image and Dolby 5.1 sound are good. The sole bonus feature is a "making-of" short that lasts about twelve minutes and consists mainly of cast interviews.

I try not to judge low-budget made-for-TV flicks too harshly, especially if they have that elusive "so bad it's good" quality that can make a lesser effort fun to watch. However, THE LOST TREASURE OF THE GRAND CANYON is, for me, simply boring and a chore to endure. The cast is pretty game, but the filmmakers just don't seem to be trying any harder than they have to.

 


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Saturday, January 4, 2025

THE STEAM ENGINES OF OZ -- Blu-ray/DVD Review by Porfle



Originally posted on 5/31/18

 

THE STEAM ENGINES OF OZ (Cinedigm, 2018) is one of those dystopian Oz tales in which L. Frank Baum's wonderful fairytale land has gone to pot and needs someone to restore the magic.

And much like writer-director Sean Patrick O'Reilly's HOWARD LOVECRAFT AND THE FROZEN KINGDOM, it's also one of those modestly-rendered digital cartoons that will probably look decidedly low-tech to someone who's more used to lush, polished Disney and Pixar product.  (Although, ironically, it would've looked amazingly cutting-edge back in the "dawn of CGI" days of the 80s.)

As such, the character/background design and execution are of uneven quality throughout, with the underground and city sequences looking the best and the forest/battle scenes often having a somewhat unfinished look.  Not surprisingly, the film's steampunk angle is one of its most appealing elements.


The story begins in the vast subterranean world beneath the Emerald City, where a plucky young "Mary Sue" type named Victoria, whose job it is to help keep the city's massive steam engines running, is chosen by good witch Locasta and her flying monkeys to help defeat the city's tyrannical ruler and restore order to Oz.

Surprisingly, this dreaded tyrant is none other than the Tin Man, who rules with an iron fist (so to speak) in his quest to abolish magic and spread his steam-engine technology throughout the land to the detriment of the environment (giving the story an ecological slant).

A flashback in black-and-white motion-comic form--one of the film's best-looking sequences--explains Tin Man's motives (he's doing it all for love) but that doesn't lessen the image of him as a snarling metal monster (more of a sinister, hulking Doctor Doom than the benevolent little tin fellow we're used to) trying his best to chop the good-guy characters to pieces with his massive axe during the big battle sequence that occurs about halfway through the story. 


The film doesn't hold back on such imagery, portraying Tin Man's armies as goose-stepping fascists wielding lethal weapons (indeed, in one scene a likable main character is melodramatically shot to death with a lightning-bolt rifle).

Leading up to all of this, Victoria emerges "topside" for the first time in her life so that she can escape the Emerald City and seek out the help of the Munchkins as well as that of the fabled Wizard of Oz (here voiced by none other than William Shatner). 

Accompanied by her friends Mr. Digg and a comical Munchkin named Gromit, whom she freed from their dungeon cells as "honored guests" of the Tin Man, Victoria enlists the aid of Magnus, son of the Cowardly Lion, and the rest of his pack in what will eventually lead to the aforementioned battle with Tin Man's forces as THE STEAM ENGINES OF OZ becomes a bonafide war movie.


During all this we'll recognize obvious callbacks to various other action movies such as THE MATRIX, 300, and KILL BILL.  At one point, one of the Munchkin leaders exhorts his troops with the phrase, "Let's go, Munchspendables!"

Later, Victoria and company return to the Emerald City, entering Tin Man's dreaded steam engine chamber in search of the imprisoned Scarecrow and resuming the film's "quest" theme, which will eventually be resolved in a "love conquers all" ending.

I'm not sure how little kids will respond to THE STEAM ENGINES OF OZ, since it seems aimed mainly at those who read the graphic novel and/or prefer their Oz stories with a hefty dose of adult grit and grime.  I spent most of its running time reacting to it rather than actually enjoying it, my assessment varying as wildly as the gauges on one of Tin Man's smoldering steam engines. 


CAST
Ron Perlman ("Sons of Anarchy," Hellboy)
William Shatner ("Star Trek," Miss Congeniality)
Julianne Hough ("Dancing with the Stars," Footloose)


PROGRAM INFORMATION
Format: BD+DVD / Digital (iTunes, Amazon, Vudu and more)
SRP: BD+DVD:$19.97
Running Time: 75 mins.
Genre: Animation/Family
Audio: Dolby 5.1
Aspect Ratio: 16x9 (1.78:1)

Subtitles: English
Extras: none
Street Date: June 5, 2018








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Wednesday, October 23, 2024

KING KONG (2005) -- Movie Review by Porfle



(NOTE: I wrote this review in 2006 and posted it at the now-defunct Bumscorner.com.  My opinion of the film has soured considerably since this somewhat overly generous review--I can barely watch it now--but most of my reservations toward it are adequately expressed.)

Well, I never got around to seeing it in the theater, but thanks to the magic of DVD, I finally watched Peter Jackson's 2005 remake of KING KONG. If you're curious about my reaction to it, please keep reading. If not, here are some lovely pictures of giraffes.

(There are spoilers ahead, even if you're well familiar with the original film, since Jackson's version differs in several ways. So please proceed with caution if you haven't seen it yet.)

The story in a nutshell: flamboyant movie producer Carl Denham charters a merchant ship to take him and his leading lady, Ann Darrow, in search of the legendary Skull Island, where he hopes to capture such wonders on film that audiences will line up around the block to pay admission. But instead, he ends up capturing a fearsome 25-foot-tall gorilla named Kong -- who has left the safety of his jungle lair to pursue Miss Darrow, with whom he has become hopelessly smitten -- and then transports him back to New York to put him on display and make millions of dollars. Kong escapes, of course, and wreaks havoc in downtown NYC before recapturing Ann Darrow and climbing to the top of the Empire State Building, where he is picked off by machine gunners in biplanes.

The original 1933 version of this story by producer Merian C. Cooper and director Ernest B. Shoedsack is an undisputed classic. Okay, maybe it's disputed by some who now regard it as a creaky old black-and-white bore with crummy special effects. I feel that these people are missing out on one of the greatest cinematic experiences of all time -- a marvel of compact storytelling, pacing, and bravura filmmaking with a wonderful cast and groundbreaking special effects by master craftsman Willis O'Brien that are still astounding.


How does Jackson's film compare to the original? First of all, it looks absolutely beautiful. The first and last thirds of the movie display a dazzling recreation of Depression-era New York City that is rich in detail and utterly convincing. Jackson spends a lot more time here than Cooper and Shoedsack, who were more interested in setting up the story and getting us on our way to Skull Island as quickly as possible. In fact, Jackson spends a lot more time on everything in this version, making it twice as long as the original.

This time, we get Ann Darrow's (a radiant Naomi Watts) backstory in more detail -- she's a struggling vaudeville hoofer whose show just closed down, forcing her to consider the horrors of performing in burlesque rather than starving -- before her fateful meeting with Carl Denham, who in this version is a much more devious and manipulative, almost villainous character (although Jack Black somehow manages to make him mostly likable anyway).

Ann accepts Denham's offer of "money, adventure, and fame -- the thrill of a lifetime and a long sea voyage" after finding that a playwright she greatly admires, Adrien Brody's Jack Driscoll (who was the ship's first mate in the original version) is writing the screenplay to Denham's picture. So off they go, one step ahead of the police who have a warrant for Denham's arrest for bilking his previous film's investors.


The voyage to Skull Island gives Jackson a chance to introduce us to still more characters, subplots, etc., such as the close relationship between the first mate and a youngster named Jimmy (Jamie Bell, TURN: WASHINGTON'S SPIES) whom he once found stowed away in the cargo hold. This doesn't really go anywhere, except for the fact that Jimmy is reading Joseph Conrad's "Heart Of Darkness" and it's supposed to tie in with everything somehow. I never read "Heart Of Darkness" but I know APOCALYPSE NOW was based on it, so I guess Kong is Colonel Kurtz. Come to think of it, the later Marlon Brando would've made a pretty good Kong.

Anyway, Ann and Jack sorta fall in love, Denham and Captain Englehorn clash (Englehorn pretty much despises Denham in this version), the self-absorbed actor hired as Denham's leading man, Bruce Baxter, admires himself in the mirror, and when they finally get to Skull Island there's a thrilling sequence in which the ship is almost dashed against the rocks.

The island natives are a much more bizarre and murderous bunch this time, leading to some truly creepy moments, and when they kidnap Ann and offer her as a sacrifice to Kong by tying her to one end of a rickety drawbridge and then lowering it across a deep chasm on the jungle side of the great wall which separates them from the rest of the island, Jackson's staging and execution of the scene are impressive. All of which leads up to the big moment -- Kong's entrance -- which somehow just doesn't have the impact of the original. We only get to see fog-shrouded glimpses of him at first, and a close-up of his eyes, but never one definitive reveal, which I found disappointing.

Kong snatches Ann from her bonds (somehow managing not to rip her arms off in the process) and heads off into the jungle with her. This leads to a protracted series of fierce battles as Kong protects his golden-haired prize from a succession of prehistoric foes such as T-Rexes (three this time instead of the previous one) and giant bat-like creatures that infest the cave inside his mountaintop lair. Meanwhile, Driscoll, Denham, and a group of sailors who have set out to rescue Ann end up running for their lives from a herd of stampeding brontosauruses who are running from a group of hungry raptor-like creatures. This scene becomes almost cartoonish as the men skedaddle between the stomping brontosaurus feet and the huge beasts finally begin to pile up in a scene that resembles, as one message-board poster put it, the police car pile-up at the end of THE BLUES BROTHERS.


As if that weren't enough, their attempt to cross a gorge via a fallen log (which parallels the famous scene from the original) is foiled as an angry Kong shows up and starts to shake them off the log and into the pit below. Here, Jackson makes up for the excision of the fabled "Spider Pit Sequence" from the '33 version by having the hapless sailors attacked by the most nightmarish collection of giant insects, spiders, leeches, etc. that he and his SPFX crew could conceive of. I'm wondering how many walkouts there were when this was in theaters -- it's pretty horrifying. But it's also pretty cool.

Jack survives the pit, of course, and goes it alone as he makes his way up to Kong's lair. What he and the ragged remains of the rescue team don't know, however, is that while they were going through hell trying to rescue Ann, she was falling in love with Kong. And this is the element of Jackson's remake that I was dreading the most since advance word on the movie began to hint at it, and which serves as a giant stumbling block in my enjoyment of the film as a whole. I thought it was a dumb idea when it was injected into the stupendously awful 1976 remake, and I still do.

Let's face it -- if a giant rampaging gorilla grabbed me and carried me off into a jungle filled with prehistoric monsters, I'd be screaming my head off in mortal terror non-stop, just like Fay Wray's Ann Darrow did any time Kong came near her. I wouldn't be teaching the big, hairy ape sign language, nestling in his lap to watch the sunset, or making soulful googly eyes at him. I like the part where Ann attempts to calm the beast down by performing her vaudeville routine for him and eliciting a delighted reaction, but I just can't accept seeing the film turn into a love story that could almost pass for a Harlequin Romance novel with Kong taking Fabio's place on the cover.

At this point in the movie, it's almost as though Jackson had decided to remake TARZAN, THE APE MAN instead of KING KONG -- but when Tarzan carried Jane off into the jungle and she eventually came to love the untamed wild man, it was romantic. Here, it's just weird, and I found myself wondering at times if Ann wasn't a bit off in the head. And when Jack finally shows up and whispers for her to leave the sleeping Kong and come to him, for a moment there I thought she might actually refuse.


Perhaps recalling that she does have a prospective human lover and a life back in the real world, Ann manages to tear herself away from her beloved Kong and join Jack as they race back to the native village with Kong hot on their heels (a shot from the '33 version of them running through the jungle is beautifully duplicated here). When they arrive, Ann realizes with horror that Denham and Englehorn plan to capture Kong and take him back to New York as a big money-making attraction.

As Kong kills still more sailors left and right by smashing them, flinging them, and biting them in half, Ann can hardly contain her indignation and heartbreak at such a foul scheme. Although she must've come to know these hapless guys during the voyage -- we see her happily dancing for them at one point -- their violent deaths now seem to mean little or nothing to her, just as the deaths of several innocent New Yorkers and would-be rescuers in biplanes will later have no effect on her while she's in Kong's thrall. She's even furious at Jack for restraining her as Kong smashes his way through the door of the great wall, so I guess going through all kinds of hell to save her didn't keep her erstwhile human love interest out of the old debit column for long.

Kong, as everyone knows by now, does get captured and taken back to the big apple and made the star of the biggest show on Broadway. We discover that Jack and Ann have drifted apart in the interim, and he goes to the theater to try and win her back, not even knowing that she's left Denham and gotten a job in a chorus line somewhere else.


Kong's unveiling to a shocked audience is a grand affair which Jackson uses as one of the film's most blatant homages to the original, as Jack Black's Denham recites almost word for word the introductory speech Robert Armstrong gave back in '33 and the orchestra strikes up a stirring rendition of Max Steiner's famous score. The stage show also consists of a re-enactment of the native sacrificial ritual from the old version, but when the shackled Kong wakes up to find that the peroxide-blonde actress being offered to him as a bride isn't Ann Darrow, he goes ape and breaks loose. (I had to use the term "goes ape" somewhere.)

This is when the movie really starts getting good. Kong smashes his way through the front of the theater and goes on a destructive rampage through the icy streets of New York City, smashing vintage autos and trolley cars, snatching up any blonde he sees in search of the real Ann and tossing her aside when she turns out to be the wrong one. Jack jumps into an abandoned taxicab and tries to lure Kong away, but in the resulting chase Kong manages to cause even more destruction than before.

But just when he catches up to Jack and is about to smash him to a pulp, he senses something and looks around -- and there, gliding toward him out of the mist, is his beloved Ann. She leaps into his outstretched hand and off they go to Central Park for a romantic romp on a frozen lake (referred to by some as "the Thumper scene"), where they exchange more soulful gazes until the military arrives to break up their reverie. As the army guys blast away at everything in sight and terrified civilians run for their lives, Kong at last makes his way to the Empire State Building and begins his legendary climb.

All else aside -- and whatever gripes I may have, this is still an awesome film packed with one exhilarating scene after another -- Peter Jackson's staging of Kong's last stand atop the Empire State Building is a magnificent achievement. The attacking biplanes swoop down deliriously out of the sky toward Kong in several vertigo-inducing shots as he leaps around fighting them off amidst a hail of bullets. Every time I see this movie I have to go back and watch this part again, because it's simply one of the best action set-pieces ever filmed.


It's also one of those rare instances in which I'm glad they created CGI -- rarely has it ever been employed to such impressive effect (and when it is, come to think of it, it's usually in a Peter Jackson film). By this time, Kong has come into his own as a character that we can sympathize with (due to both the skill of the SPFX technicians and Andy "Gollum" Serkis' motion-captured performance), and his final emotional scene with Ann as he clings tenuously to the side of the building before finally slipping off and falling to the street far below is memorable. Even Jack Black's stiff repetition of the original film's final line somehow works as we reach the stirring fade-out at last.

So there you have it -- a rousing, gorgeously-photographed adventure story, a heartfelt tribute to the 1933 version by one of its most ardent fans, and a film that stands on its own and is definitely worth seeing and worth having. Which makes its one great, nagging flaw all the more bothersome to me. Maybe if Peter Jackson hadn't gone so overboard on the Ann-loves-Kong angle and used a bit more subtlety it would've worked, and might even have made Ann's offering herself to Kong in New York in an attempt to avoid further carnage seem like a more heroic act.

But as it is, she just seems abnormally and irrationally obsessed with this giant ape in a weirdly romantic way, as though he were the "man" of her dreams. Which makes her embrace with Jack at the end seem somewhat cursory. (There are, however, an awful lot of people who are utterly enamored with this aspect of the film, so -- as with any movie review -- take my opinion for what it is and decide for yourself.)

Anyway, that's the thing that really bugs me about the remake and prevents me from wholeheartedly embracing it; otherwise, I found the new KING KONG highly enjoyable on its own terms. Definitely a worthy effort, although, for me, it still doesn't quite live up to the first one.



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Thursday, September 19, 2024

BATTLE FOR INCHEON: OPERATION CHROMITE -- DVD Review by Porfle



 

Originally posted on 1/5/17

 

It has one of those annoying double titles separated by a colon, as though they couldn't make up their minds, and a cover that more than whispers "direct to DVD junk."  But make no mistake--BATTLE FOR INCHEON: OPERATION CHROMITE (2016) is the real thing: a lavish, impressively-produced Korean War film that begins with a suspenseful espionage mission and ends with a full-scale invasion.

Based on true events, the story concerns a group of South Korean soldiers led by special forces captain Jang Hak-soo (Lee Jung-jae) who pose as a North Korean inspection unit in order to try and locate the placement of mines in Incheon Harbor before the invasion which is to be led by General Douglas MacArthur (Liam Neeson).

Their chief obstacle in this attempt is Commander Lim Gye-jin (Lee Beom-soo), a protege' of supreme leader Kim Il-sung who's in charge of fortifying the harbor against an impending attack.  Not only is Lim Gye-jin tight-lipped about where those mines are, but he's also one of those arrogant, sadistic, and supremely suspicious little bastards who always sizes you up with a sideways leer and a hand poised over his holster. 


Few situations are more suspenseful than an undercover mission in which the good guys have to maintain their false identities amidst constant scrutiny by a ruthless enemy.  (It's an atmosphere of constant fear and paranoia in which even civilians have to keep their sh** wired tight at all times.)  Naturally, Lim Gye-jin and his men eventually must resort to the most desperate measures imaginable to try and procure a map of those mines, leading to their discovery. 

Their attempt to escape is the first blazing action setpiece of several during this film, each of which is masterfully shot and edited.  Director John H. Lee has a smoothly competent visual style complimented by some expert rapid-fire editing that crackles like a live wire without ever becoming cluttered or confusing.  In other words, this is red meat for action junkies.

A furious shootout in a hospital (during which an emotionally-conflicted young nurse must decide whether or not to abandon her current life and join the opposition) and other heated gun battles throughout the film are comparable to those in James Bond films or the works of John Woo.  And giving the story added depth is its attention to the combatants as human beings with their own dreams of freedom and yearning to return home to their loved ones. 


While all of this is going on, of course, there's Liam Neeson all made up as General Douglas MacArthur, complete with corncob pipe and shades, trying to add a new dimension to his career as an older character actor.  Once we stop thinking of him as Liam Neeson, his MacArthur is sufficiently convincing. Actually, I never stopped thinking of him as Liam Neeson, but I enjoyed watching him play the character anyway.

Lee Jung-jae makes a sturdy, likable good guy as Jang Hak-soo--he's the opposite of the usual soulless action hero and we're always aware of the depth of his feelings throughout the mission.  As Lim Gye-jin, Lee Beom-soo is a delight, albeit a perverse one since his character is such a smoothly evil little monster.  The rest of the cast are uniformly on point, making us feel each tragic and heartrending detail of their emotional turmoil when the mission begins to go all to hell.

With all this going on, BATTLE FOR INCHEON: OPERATION CHROMITE would've been enough with just the undercover mission alone.  But damned if it doesn't end with nothing less than the full-scale invasion of Incheon, with MacArthur leading a fleet of ships cutting through the churning waves and what's left of Jang Hak-soo and his men battling for their lives on the shore along with hundreds of other clashing warriors. 


I don't know how jaded the average young movie watcher is these days, but I think the generous amounts of CGI used to give the sequence added scope and big-budget appeal are rather impeccably rendered and eye-pleasing.  I mean, to me the battle scenes just look really well-done.  Others may disagree.

The DVD from CJ Entertainment is in 16x9 widescreen with Dolby 5.1 and 2.0 sound which you can watch in either dubbed English or the original Korean with subtitles.  Extras consist of a brief making-of featurette and trailers for this and other CJ Entertainment releases.

I had low hopes for BATTLE FOR INCHEON: OPERATION CHROMITE going in--from the looks of it, I was expecting something along the same cheapo lines as THE LAST DROP or something similarly horrible.  I love it when my first bad impressions of a film are proven wrong, and I end up having a great time watching what turns out to be a surprisingly well-crafted and entertaining film.




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