Star Trek III: The Search For Spock With A "CHiPs" Ending (video)

 

I've always thought "Star Trek III: The Search For Spock" would be much better if it had a "CHiPs" ending. As, of course,  would many others things as well.

Sadly, my many letters to Paramount Pictures suggesting this have thus far fallen upon deaf ears. But now, thanks to the magic of "what if", we can enjoy that very thing right now!

Video by Porfle Popnecker

"Star Trek" owned by Paramount Pictures

I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it.

Thanks for watching! 

(originally posted on 5/13/23)

 

 

Star Trek III: The Search For Spock With A "CHiPs" Ending (video)

THE THREE WORST EPISODES OF "STAR TREK: THE ORIGINAL SERIES" -- by Porfle

Here's a rundown of the three WORST episodes of "STAR TREK: THE ORIGINAL SERIES" (as chosen by me) with commentary by a roundtable consisting of some of my distinguished Facebook friends.  (We talked about the three BEST episodes HERE.)

(Originally posted on 10/25/13) 

 

3rd worst "Star Trek: The Original Series" episode of all time--"The Way to Eden", aka "Space Hippies."

Charles Napier and Skip Homeier help make this one a real treat.  Skip plays a charismatic guru conning a bunch of futuristic flower children into thinking there's an Eden planet out there somewhere and they can reach it by hijacking the Enterprise. 

Before  that happens,  however, Spock tunes up the old Vulcan harp and jams with them in an impromptu musical concert that sounds like cats running around on a set of rusty box springs.  The "hippies" in this case are straight out of the DC Comics "Totally-Out-Of-It" notion of how hippies should look, act,  and, God help us,  speak.

    William J Ellingsworth: I want that guitar!
 
    Ruby Wolf: I always wondered where they got their hair bleach, Nair and make-up in space.
  
    Porfle Popnecker: Lucille Ball's "Desilu" studios had one of the worst makeup departments imaginable.

    Ruby Wolf: I know, right. Lucy came in as a redhead but by the time they finished with her, everyone was black, white and grey.
 
    Porfle Popnecker:  Florence Henderson tells of having to get made up for an audition at Desilu and ending up looking like one of "Mudd's Women."
  
    Richard Von Busack: Oh, my god! I can't wait to see this, knowing Napier is in it!  That's the smile of success!
 
    Porfle Popnecker: It does help make it one of the cooler "bad" episodes of a TV show.
 
    Ruby Wolf:  Looks like it was cold in there, too.

    Porfle Popnecker:  He was used to tweaking them for Russ Meyer before every scene.

    Paul Sanchez: I had Napier's same outfit back in my Vegas Disco days.

    Porfle Popnecker: I think he may be wearing it backwards.

    Paul Sanchez: I think SHE is wearing HERS backwards.

    Porfle Popnecker: Not according to NBC Standards and Practices she ain't!





2nd worst "Star Trek: The Original Series" episode of all time--3rd season opener "Spock's Brain."

(Pictured: Marj Dusay of the CBS soap opera "Capitol" feeds Kirk's femdom fantasies while a brain-free Spock waits for someone to jiggle his joystick.)

 The male and female members of this particular race live separately,  with the savage males (the Morg) roughing it topside and the childlike females (the Ey-Morg cared for in a comfortable underground complex by a brain-powered computer. 

Whenever this computer needs a new brain, the head female, Kara (Dusay), has a session with a helmet device called "The Teacher" (shades of FORBIDDEN PLANET), gains temporary intelligence, and goes off looking for a brain to steal.  Which, in this case, just happens to belong to our favorite pointy-eared Vulcan.
 

While not under the influence of "The Teacher",  these babes are pretty dense--"Brain and brain!  What is brain!"  Kara exclaims at one point as Kirk presses her for information.  He's barking up the wrong tree here.  Spock, meanwhile, is operated by remote control  like a toy robot until he can get his brain back.  Leonard Nimoy, not surprisingly, found the episode "embarrassing."

James Cole: But it's fun! Unintentional side-splitting humor!  "You are not Morg. You are not Ey-Morg! What are you?"

Porfle Popnecker: I love the way Shatner hogs the camera during their "pain" sequences.

Paul Sanchez: Not as much as he does in "Gamesters of Triskelion." [posts picture]
 


Porfle Popnecker: That's a great pic but I'd have to do a comparison.

James Cole: I actually used a cropped photo of the above for my profile pic!

Porfle Popnecker: It's classic Shatner.

Worst "Star Trek: The Original Series" episode of all time--"The Alternative Factor." 

With guest star Robert Brown ("Here Come the Brides") as "Lazarus."

Blah. Just...blah.

    Harcourt Mudd: Sitting around the break room, playing with the food replicator, and being disappointed there is no live gagh available. And you thought you could have it yourrrrrr way.

    Porfle Popnecker: Lazarus looks like he just smoked a space doobie in this pic.

    Nathan Baxter Simar: He's a late 60s mess.

    Nathan Baxter Simar: I am always struck by how blandly sterile the ship's interior sets were. Do people really live here?

    Porfle Popnecker: Well, it is sort of a science-military work environment. I always thought it was rather pleasant looking.

    Nathan Baxter Simar: It really grates on me. But, then, that's just me.

    Porfle Popnecker: I dig it. Now the first movie, THAT'S blandly sterile looking.

    Nathan Baxter Simar: Yeah, true. And too too disco-y.

    Porfle Popnecker: It looks like they're wearing pajamas inside a fish tank.

    Nathan Baxter Simar: I'd never thought of it that way, but that's a good way of describing it...

    Porfle Popnecker: Surprisingly, I like the J.J. Abrams Enterprise interiors except for Engineering, which is actually the interior of a Budweiser brewery.

    Nathan Baxter Simar: I have gotten to the point where I don't really see sci-fi ship interiors any more that grab me, like they used to when I was a kid and later as a young man.

    Porfle Popnecker:  I like most of them. ALIEN is a fave. And STARSHIP TROOPERS.
 
    James Cole: Absolutely agree. Worst. Episode. Ever. (Of TOS.) It's in part because a major subplot had to be cut and made the script too short - so they filled it with endless repeating shots of Lazarus running and falling and running and falling...

    Porfle Popnecker: Ugh, I'm starting to relive it now!

    James Cole: The episode always confused and bored me as a kid. It gives me a headache just thinking about it. Among its many faults: WHY DOES KIRK LET THIS RAVING MANIAC JUST WANDER THE SHIP BY HIMSELF?

    Porfle Popnecker: And you had to figure out which Lazarus you were looking at by keeping up with his Band-aid or whatever.
 
    James Cole: The editing was incomprehensible - and if you look closely, Lazarus's beard on the planet doesn't match how it looks on the ship. It's like twice as thick.

    Porfle Popnecker: The whole episode is twice as thick!
   
    Paul Sanchez: I kinda liked the basic concept, but yeah. the production of it was a mess.

    Paul Sanchez: And don't diss on ST:The Motion Picture. I love it. Those uniforms were the logical update from the TV show-- practical, yet comfy-- so sure, you could sleep in them too.

   Porfle Popnecker:  All that was missing was the footies!

   Porfle Popnecker: I actually have a much higher opinion of the first movie since the release of the Director's Cut on DVD.

   Paul Sanchez: Oh that cut is great. It all gels. Robert Wise had never made a BAD movie-- when allowed.

   James Cole: Friends of mine worked on the Director's Edition DVD. It's a far superior cut of the movie - it works great.

   Porfle Popnecker: And the addition of a countdown to self-destruct at the end adds some actual old-fashioned suspense like the original series had.

   Paul Sanchez: Porf's fave part is when Chekov gets an owwie and screams like a little girl.

   Porfle Popnecker: Yeah, that's the most thrill-packed moment in the whole movie.


Thanks to everyone who participated in this discussion!  You can check out the follow-up, "The Three Best-Ever Episodes of 'Star Trek: The Original Series'" right HERE!

 

THE THREE WORST EPISODES OF "STAR TREK: THE ORIGINAL SERIES" -- by Porfle

STAR TREK: BEYOND -- Blu-ray/DVD Review by Porfle

 Originally posted on 11/22/2016

 

Often I'll like a movie better upon repeat viewing, but rarely have I gone from "disappointed" to "delighted" as drastically as I did during my second look at STAR TREK: BEYOND (2016). 

The trouble is, the darn thing is just so dense, so packed full of action, dialogue, special effects, etc. which are all edited together like a Tsui Hark movie but without the light-fingered finesse.  To be honest, I missed so much of the story details and subtleties the first time around that much of what I saw seemed like a jumbled mess. (Plus, Zachary Quinto's Spock wig looks pretty bad this time.)

Not so upon second viewing, one free of the need to decipher the plot points that go sprinting past in competition with the constant barrage of sound and fury and motorcycles and demolition derbies with starships instead of jalopies.  (The wig still looks bad.)

 

 All of which, by the way, is fantastic and at times a bit staggering.  There's one sequence about twenty minutes into the film, in fact, that's so blazingly, heart-poundingly catastrophic for the Enterprise and its crew that it's pretty hard for the rest of the movie to top it--which it never quite does.  But it tries, bless its little dilithium crystal heart.

With this, the third installment in the Abrams-verse reboot (with its all-new altered timeline that keeps us from knowing what will happen next) Chris Pine's Captain James T. Kirk and crew have been out there on that five-year mission for almost three years and this Kirk, who didn't grow up with a father's guidance and is still maturing and feeling his way through life right before our eyes, finds the whole deep space experience repetitive and boring (or as he puts it in meta terms, "episodic.") 

But an alien woman's distress cry for help to rescue her stranded crew on a planet deep inside an uncharted nebula sends the Enterprise on a mission that will give Kirk more excitement and danger than even he could bargain for.  Not surprisingly, this involves yet another alien bad guy out for revenge, this time against the entire Federation for reasons we'll discover after lots of fighting and shooting and starships going boom.

 

Idris Elba guest stars as bad guy Krall, who resembles the reptilian villain from the sci-fi spoof GALAXY QUEST (which this movie resembles in other ways as well).  Krall wants a device in Kirk's possession and will do anything to get it because it's vital in his plan to destroy an entire Federation space outpost known as "Yorktown" which is home to millions of intergalactic citizens.

My favorite new character is the endearingly plucky Jaylah, played by Sofia Boutella who will be the title character in the upcoming MUMMY reboot. Here, Sophia looks great as an albino with long white hair and elegant ebony facial markings.  As another stranded prisoner of Krall's hostile planet, Jaylah forms a special bond with Simon Pegg's "Scotty" and supplies the Enterprise bridge crew with something vital: a derelict ship (her "house" as she calls it) that might, with Scotty's expert help, be coaxed into flight once again.

Each of the main characters is allowed ample screen time.  John Cho's Sulu, of course, gets to be the new "gay" character in the series, even though Sulu has always previously been hetero.  (Even George Takei is adamant on this point.)  It's not such a big deal, though--we see him greet his little daughter Demora in Yorktown and put an arm around his male partner (director Justin Lin), and that's it.

Spock and Uhura (Zoe Saldana) have their first lovers' spat, with an amicable yet painful breakup.  Anton Yelchin, tragically gone from us now, offers his charming interpretation of Ensign Chekov one last time.  And upon the main three--Kirk, Spock, and "Bones" McCoy (Karl Urban)--the script dotes with disarming fondness.

For action fans, STAR TREK: BEYOND kicks plenty of intergalactic ass both on the planet, where Kirk, Spock, Bones, Sulu, Chekov, and Uhura must rescue their captured shipmates from Krall and his army, to the Yorktown space-city itself once Krall launches his all-out attack involving thousands of prickly little drone ships that swarm like bees and utterly obliterate whatever they descend upon.  All of this goes by fast and furious, so this is where that second viewing comes in handy.

Speaking of which, director Lin of the "Fast & Furious" films does his best to emulate J.J. Abrams while not quite capturing a certain candy-counter, toy-store, Christmas morning kind of essence his predecessor seemed capable of injecting into these films. In my review of the first STAR TREK reboot I described it as a "grandly entertaining cherry-red fire engine of a space flick", something Lin doesn't quite pull off.

Still, he does a capable job and manages to keep the series on a high level.  What seems most problematic for many Trek fans, in fact, is that there's so much action effectively dominating the proceedings that no time is left either for meaningful character interaction or contemplation of the deep, intellectual themes Gene Roddenberry was known for in his original vision of the "Star Trek" universe. (At least in hindsight.)

As for the former, I think these films contain a wealth of terrific character interaction, highly meaningful little moments that occur at scattered points throughout each installment in the series, some lighthearted and frivolous (old philosophical adversaries Spock and Bones get several choice exchanges), some deeply moving (such as Kirk's ruminations on his late father and how different are their career paths and goals as Starfleet captains). 

The latter, I admit, is pretty accurate--these films aren't always that thematically profound.  But neither was every episode of the original series.  And this is a brash young version of the Enterprise crew, impatient to go out there into that last frontier and raise some hell.  They don't want to stop and take the time to be all that thoughtful and contemplative, nor do they have as much life experience to be all that thoughtful and contemplative about.

There are different kinds of Star Trek and they don't all have to be alike.  This is Action "Star Trek."  For a change of pace, it suits this long-time Trekker just fine.

The 2-disc Blu-ray/DVD combo from Paramount Home Media Distribution contains a Blu-ray disc with the movie and special features, a DVD with the movie, and a code for downloading a digital HD copy of the film.  The Blu-ray disc contains a gag reel, deleted scenes, and the following featurettes: "Beyond the Darkness: Story Origins"; "Enterprise Takedown: Destroying an Icon"; "Trekking Into the Desert: On Location in Dubai"; "To Live Long and Prosper: 50 Years of Star Trek"; and tributes to the late Leonard Nimoy and Anton Yelchin. 

STAR TREK: BEYOND is brand-spanking new and scintillatingly different, yet filled with welcome echoes of the past (there's a particularly poignant Spock moment, and an ending which recalls STAR TREK IV: THE VOYAGE HOME in a big way).  With this latest entry in the rebooted series, what's old is new again, and I love warping off into the final frontier with this young crew that's so bursting with promise for the future.

Official website
Facebook

STAR TREK: BEYOND -- Blu-ray/DVD Review by Porfle

STAR TREK -- Movie Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 5/19/09

 

As a self-described "Trekker" since "Star Trek: The Original Series" first warped into syndication, the prospect of this movie inspired in me feelings of both keen anticipation and dread. For years, many of us Trek fans have wanted a movie about the Starfleet Academy days of the original crew, but we wanted it to be true to the spirit of "Star Trek" while adhering to established canon.

Nowadays, however, such sentiments are likely to cause you to be labeled a "diehard Trek supergeek" and berated for being such a dour spoilsport nitpicking over details instead of sitting back and letting this flashy new thing carry you off on a wave of giddy delirium. Well, I don't mind being called a geek, but when other geeks call me a geek, then they need to shut up. In other words, you really can't point out the mote of dust in someone else's eye if you have an action figure stuck in yours.

Anyway, I went to see director J.J. Abrams' big, new, glittering, pulsating, eye-popping STAR TREK (2009) movie today, and I must say first of all that it is a grandly entertaining cherry-red fire engine of a space flick. Watching it is like getting up on Christmas morning and finding out that Santa Claus really went all out on your house because you were extra good that year. There's an endless parade of stunningly imaginative set design, amazing special effects, and some action setpieces that made me glad sci-fi movies were invented. The new USS Enterprise looks great on the outside, and the bright, snazzy interiors felt like home after I had some time to settle into them.

Best of all, there was actually a story buzzing around amidst all these cool state-of-the-art visuals. It involves an enormous Romulan warship that has elements of both (a scaled down) V'ger from STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE and the Romulan warship "The Scimitar" from STAR TREK: NEMESIS, and a vengeful Romulan commander named Nero (Eric Bana) who is reminiscent of the vengeful Khan from STAR TREK: THE WRATH OF KHAN and the vengeful Romulan commander Shinzon from STAR TREK: NEMESIS. (An aside: the widely-reviled NEMESIS is one of my favorite Trek movies. Shows you what I know.) So basically, Nero is really pissed-off, he hates Earth, he hates Vulcan, he has a practically invincible starship that can travel through time and destroy worlds, and he's coming to get us. Check.

Meanwhile, we get to see young Kirk and Spock in their formative years, with Kirk a rebellious orphan born in battle and raised in Iowa, and Spock the half-Vulcan, half-human misfit who's unsure which path to take in life and must suffer discriminatory taunts from his full-Vulcan peers. Spock chooses to enter Starfleet (partly to spite the smug Vulcan tight-asses who patronizingly deem him fit to attend the Vulcan Science Academy despite his "inadequacies") while Kirk stumbles into it like a bull in a china closet.

We see Kirk cheating his way through that fabled Kobiyashi Maru test, meeting Spock under less-than-friendly circumstances, hitting on Uhura, and being whisked into a frantic mission to rescue the planet Vulcan from oblivion even though he's been suspended from duty, thanks to an obliging Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy. Once aboard the Enterprise, of course, it isn't long before the young hot-shot proves himself Alpha Male #1 and is sitting in the captain's chair. But first, he must get forcibly ejected from the Enterprise in an escape pod, meet both Scotty and the original Leonard Nimoy version of Spock on an ice planet, get beamed back aboard the Enterprise during warp, and fight to the near-death against Spock to prove the emotion-prone Vulcan unfit for command.

Just how much of this sticks to that pesky "Star Trek" canon that us diehard supergeeks are so nitpicky about becomes irrelevent as soon as the time travel factor enters the equation. Nimoy's "Spock Prime" is there to remind us that whatever happened between the moment the TV series first became a gleam in Gene Roddenberry's eye to the last time Patrick Stewart said "Make it so" is now part of a different timeline that has gone on its merry way into history. Thanks to the Romulan villain Nero and his temporal meddling, we now have a Star Trek universe in which most of the old characters are still there but in which anything can happen.

This rules out what many of us have wished for over the years--a retro-Trek origin story that accurately sets up the later adventures with a steadfast adherence to continuity--but maybe by this point it's not such a bad approach to take. I certainly don't like the idea of ignoring the old fans who have been loyal to Star Trek for all these decades and courting new ones who don't care about its history. Indeed, if it weren't for us the show would've died back in the late 60s and we wouldn't even be discussing it as a big-budget summer blockbuster here in the 21st century.

But after seeing this modern reboot, and being, frankly, dazzled by it, I must say that J.J. Abrams and company seem to have had the old fans well in mind every step of the way. There's an awful lot about this movie that can only be appreciated by viewers who are already familiar with the characters and their history. And seeing all the little details fall into place, even if the fit is a good deal different this time around, is a satisfying experience.

As a film, STAR TREK is killer entertainment that starts out with a bang and doesn't let up. The pre-titles sequence is awesome, with the USS Kelvin under the command of Captain George Kirk going up against Nero's ship in a hopelessly one-sided battle while his wife is in sickbay giving birth to their son James. Later, there's a thrilling parachute freefall involving Kirk and Sulu over the planet Vulcan which leads to aerial hand-to-hand combat atop a drilling platform suspended miles in the air. (In one of several nods to the original series, Sulu even gets to display his fencing prowess here.) The space battles which occur throughout the film are intense, action-packed, and beautifully rendered. And as in Spock's demise in WRATH OF KHAN and the destruction of the Enterprise in THE SEARCH FOR SPOCK, there are a couple of major death scenes here that are stunning and totally unexpected.

Perhaps the most important element in this film's success or failure is in the casting. Chris Pine captures the brash arrogance and boyish likability of James T. Kirk without doing a full-on Shatner impression, while Zachary Quinto seems to have been born to play the young Spock. Other actors--Zoe Saldana as Uhura, John Cho as Sulu, and Simon Pegg as Scotty--convey the essence of their characters while bearing little resemblance to their predecessors. As Pavel Chekov, Anton Yelchin manages to actually make me like the character for the first time ever, giving the proceedings a hefty dose of highly-effective comedy relief. Ben Cross and Winona Ryder aren't great as Spock's parents, but they're pretty good, and Bruce Greenwood makes a fine Captain Christopher Pike. Best of all, however, is Karl Urban as Leonard McCoy. He inhabits the role as though somehow possessed by the late DeForest Kelley, and it's a real pleasure to watch him forming an instant kinship with Kirk, developing his adversarial relationship with Spock, and saying things like "Dammit, I'm a doctor, not a physicist!" for the first time.

Somehow, though, I didn't find the film all that cathartic at the end. Maybe repeated viewings will change this, I don't know. It just didn't seem to do that "climax" and "denouement" thing as successfully as an adventure of this magnitude should, leaving me somewhat less than ecstatic after the fadeout. It could be that this hyperkinetic, visually intoxicating thrill ride lacked the kind of deep, emotional resonance that previous "Star Trek" movies have always had to one degree or another. Maybe these revamped characters and this rebooted universe are so new and unfamiliar that they aren't yet capable of making us feel the old magic. Maybe the emphasis on flash and sensation gives the whole enterprise a slightly superficial quality. Or, most likely, maybe we'll just have to wear this new pair of shoes for awhile before they start to feel as comfortable as the old ones.

STAR TREK -- Movie Review by Porfle

Mr. Spock At His Most Pointlessly Pedantic (video)

 

Star Trek's writers always had fun with Spock's character...

...especially all the little quirks and idiosyncrasies that made him so much different from humans.

But in this particular episode, they may have gone just a bit overboard. 

Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

Mr. Spock At His Most Pointlessly Pedantic (video)

Mr. Spock At His Most Pointlessly Pedantic (Star Trek: "That Which Survives", 1969)

 

Star Trek's writers often enjoyed having a little fun with Spock's character...

...usually by contrasting his precise, stoic manner with that of his emotional human crewmates.

But in this episode, it's possible that they went just a tad overboard.

Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

Mr. Spock At His Most Pointlessly Pedantic (Star Trek: "That Which Survives", 1969)

The Best Scene In "Star Trek" History? ("The Doomsday Machine", 1967) (video)

Captain Kirk (William Shatner) is aboard the wrecked starship USS Constellation...

...and has aimed it directly into the maw of a renegade war machine headed for Earth.

The ship's is rigged to explode with a 30-second delay, but the transporter is acting up...
...making this an extremely perilous course of action for Kirk.

Sol Kaplan's excellent musical score is one of the best ever written for television.

The SPFX in this episode have since been updated with CGI...
...but many Trek fans much prefer these original effects.

Some shots use a model kit replica of the Enterprise.
Dramatic license is used in the countdown to show simultaneous events.

Many Star Trek fans regard this as the series' best episode ever.


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

The Best Scene In "Star Trek" History? ("The Doomsday Machine", 1967) (video)

CHEKOV GOTTA BOO-BOO! (A Star Trek Foolie)(video)

 

In space, no one can hear you scream.

Except Chekov. 

Everyone can hear Chekov scream.

And scream...and scream...and scream.


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

CHEKOV GOTTA BOO-BOO! (A Star Trek Foolie)(video)

The #1 Coolest Scene In "STAR TREK: GENERATIONS" (1994) (video)

The Enterprise has destroyed the Klingon war bird commanded by B'Etor and Lursa...

...but the resulting warp core breach means the ship will explode in mere minutes.

All aboard are evacuated into the saucer, which then separates from the drive section.

When warp core explodes, the shock wave causes the saucer to make a crash landing on the planet, and...

The result is one of the most thrilling sequences in all of "Star Trek."


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

The #1 Coolest Scene In "STAR TREK: GENERATIONS" (1994) (video)