THE WITCHES OF OZ -- DVD review by porfle

 

Originally posted on 4/8/12

 

Fans of L. Frank Baum's celebrated Oz series never know what they're going to get in the way of screen adaptations.  They're either bright and whimsical with some deliciously dark touches (like the 1939 classic THE WIZARD OF OZ) or they play up the more bizarre and nightmarish aspects of the books (as in RETURN TO OZ).  Or, in the case of THE WITCHES OF OZ (2011), you get a confusing mish-mash of both styles along with various other fantasy and comic book elements.

This rambling saga (originally televised in two parts) starts out with a LORD OF THE RINGS-style prologue which gives the impression that we're in for a more solemn, Hobbity type of myth-fantasy than the chintzy, cartoonish fairytale that follows.  I think that may be what writer-director Leigh Scott was partially aiming for here, but aside from the scenes with Lance Henriksen as Uncle Henry and Jeffrey Combs as L. Frank Baum--two actors not known for their lighthearted frivolity--it's just too goofy to take that seriously.

Paulie Rojas' Dorothy is like an even more girly and saccharine version of Marlo Thomas' "That Girl" with traces of Didi Conn and Pee Wee Herman.  Wide-eyed and wincingly naive, Dorothy moves from Kansas to New York at the request of gorgeous literary agent Billie Westbrook (Eliza Swenson, who also co-produced and, bless her heart, composed the music) in order to publish her "Oz" stories which were begun by her grandfather "Frank."  But Billie turns out to be the Wicked Witch of the West, and Dorothy's Oz fantasies are really repressed memories of actual experiences that the witch wants to mine for information about a certain key to open a certain very powerful book of spells.

Much of the New York stuff is an awkward attempt to mix kid-friendly fantasy with real-world decadence, with references to "ass-kissing" and "sexing it up a little", terms such as "S.O.B.", and Dorothy being both leered at by a cabbie while changing clothes in the backseat and practically raped by a mugger.  At times, the effect of this clash of sensibilities is not unlike sipping on a bourbon and Kool-Aid cocktail.

During the first hour or so, Dorothy orients herself to big-city life and acquires a love interest--LOTR's Billy Boyd as funny-Scottish flake "Nick Chopper"--while Billie and her cohorts scheme to get the key from her.  With her flowing black hair, knockout bod, and what could only be described as a serious "legs" thing, Eliza Swenson owns the role and gives us an idea of what the '39 film might have been like if they'd gone ahead and cast Gale Sondergaard as the Witch instead of Margaret Hamilton (although Hamilton's likeness and acting style are closely imitated whenever Billie witches out).  The now-MILFy Mia Sara of FERRIS BUELLER fame is a hoot as Billie's wickedly cute but not-too-smart toady Princess Langwidere, who collects heads to wear the way other women collect shoes.

The story is at its best when it maintains a consistent tone for awhile, such as in the extended Kansas sequence that comes about halfway.  Here, we learn some interesting surprises about Dorothy's past as the film quits being tinny and insipid for awhile and comes closest to having an actual heart.  There's a recreation of Dorothy's journey to Oz inside the cyclone which, aside from proving that the '39 film's effects are still better than crappy CGI, finally lets us see the Wicked Witch of the East get crushed by that house while she and a Valkyrie-like Glinda the Good Witch (Noel Thurman) are trading magical destructo beams like a couple of Marvel superheroines.

A lot happens during the chaotic final hour when the Wicked Witch unleashes her evil minions, including some Flying Gorillas and, oddly, Lewis Carroll's Jabberwock, in an all-out war on New York City.  Some of it marginally cool, with the rest of the familiar Oz characters such as Scarecrow, Lion, and Tin Man losing their human fascades and regaining their true personas in order to engage the forces of evil in battle. 

Much of it, however, is just frenetic, confusing, and, finally, long-winded--especially when Dorothy attempts to "Oprah Winfrey" the Wicked Witch into turning away from the dark side.  Some of the more slapdash battle footage look
s like outtakes from a bad superhero flick like Shaqille O'Neal's STEEL, with the Tin Man resembling a cross between a robot and the original Iron Man.  There's even some mild gore as one of Princess Langwidere's interchangable heads explodes and another gets run over by a truck, and one mano-a-mano encounter ends, strangely enough, with a beheading that recalls the knife-to-the-chest scene in SAVING PRIVATE RYAN! 

Christopher Lloyd plays the Wizard like he's doing dinner theater for an easy-to-please audience, while Lance Henriksen's Uncle Henry comes across like an anvil on a trampoline.  Top honors go to Swenson and Sara for their wickedly winsome witches, along with Sasha Jackson as one of Princess Langwidere's alter egos.  Sean Astin and Ethan Embry earn a few laughs as the diminutive Muckadoos, ordered by Langwidere to bedevil Dorothy but more interested in raiding her refrigerator.  Billy Boyd is at his "I'm Scottish!" cutest here--whether or not that's a good thing is up to you. 

The DVD from Image Entertainment is in 1.78:1 widescreen with Dolby 5.1 sound and subtitles in English and Spanish.  Extras consist of a trailer and a trailer-length "behind the scenes" featurette.

While somewhat fun to watch if you can manage to settle into its goofball vibe, THE WITCHES OF OZ is "magical" in a curdled, insincere sort of way that makes it too distasteful for kids and too sickly-sweet for adults.  Oz fans who have to watch everything Oz-related will probably have to watch this, but there's a snowball's chance in Hell of it making a dent in their undying affection for a certain Judy Garland vehicle.

THE WITCHES OF OZ -- DVD review by porfle

DEMOTED -- DVD review by Porfle

Watching DEMOTED (2011) labor overtime to be like an irreverent combination of OFFICE SPACE, ANIMAL HOUSE, M*A*S*H, and 9-TO-5 is almost as tiring as putting in a full day's work yourself.  Especially since this lame comedy has none of the wit and imagination of the films it's emulating.

Seeing David Cross' big head on the DVD box had me anticipating a lot more from this one, being a devoted fan of the great HBO series "Mr. Show with Bob [Odenkirk] and David."  Indeed, Cross gets to play one of his nerdy-yet-overbearing characters to the hilt here, giving DEMOTED just about its only entertainment value.  But even Dave can't overcome a script that doesn't actually give him much to do or say that's actually funny. 

He plays office drone Ken Castro, a salesman for Treadline Tire Company who is forever being mocked and belittled by bully boys Rodney (Michael Vartan) and Mike (Sean Astin).  Rodney and Mike are the company's best salesmen, but when head honcho Bob Farrell (Robert Klein) kicks the bucket and a gloating Ken lands his position as boss, the two hotshots are demoted from salesmen to secretaries. 

I liked and identified with Ken right away, but we're not supposed to--we're meant to hate him and side with Rodney and Mike, the "cool" guys (think Hawkeye and Trapper vs. Frank Burns), instead of the other way around.  So as the story trudges along, Ken's character gets progressively more irritating, inept, and bigoted while Rodney and Mike develop a new Ghandi-like empathy and respect for their fellow secretaries whom they once treated like chattel.  (I still liked Ken better.)

When Ken has their modest breakroom-slash-storage closet demolished (during which a scene straight out of ANIMAL HOUSE is reenacted), it's last-straw time with the former bully boys leading their new female comrades in a revolt that includes a scene straight out of M*A*S*H in which Ken's trip to the bathroom results in public humiliation.  The trouble is, the bland direction achieves no build-up and payoff to elicit M*A*S*H-level laughs--it just happens, and Cross is forced to flop around on a wet floor with his pants down while we're expected to finally give up and laugh.  And that's the film's comedy highlight.

The dialogue is equally unfunny, as when Rodney reels off this one-liner to Ken:  "Good morning, Kenny.  How's your ass?  Was your boyfriend gentle on you last night?"  Michael Vartan's lack of appeal as the lead doesn't help, including a lengthy subplot concerning his impending marriage to Jennifer (Sara Foster), who doesn't know he's been demoted, and his abrasive relationship with her overbearing father, J.R. (Patrick St. Esprit), who, in another comedy highlight, forces Michael to gaze at his pecker in the men's room to prove he's the alpha male of the two. 

Sean Astin can be likably funny with the right material, but he doesn't get it here.  Not even when he's advising a fellow secretary that a blowjob is the perfect anniversary gift for her boyfriend.  As Bob Farrell, Robert Klein proves once again that whatever appeal he has as a stand-up comedian doesn't carry over well to movie roles, particularly when he's pole-dancing drunk in his underwear.  Celia Weston does her best as head secretary Jane, who exists mainly to appreciate how wonderful Rodney and Mike are when they acknowledge the other secretaries as human beings.

A series of boring song montages clutter the already thin plot and seem to be trying to make the story heartwarming at times, which, needless to say, doesn't work.  An equally fruitless attempt at "cute" comes when Mike starts scoring romantic points with a female executive (Constance Zimmer) that leads to a bowling date and lots of smiling.  Direction and editing often appear to be done by people who have never seen a comedy before but have had one described to them. 

The DVD from Anchor Bay is in 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen with Dolby 5.1 sound and subtitles in English and Spanish.  There are no extras.

It's hard to screw up a comedy in which David Cross plays a major role as an egotistical dweeb, but DEMOTED tries its best to do so and succeeds.  The most suitable tagline I can think of for this failed effort would be: "If you liked OFFICE SPACE...just watch it again." 

DEMOTED -- DVD review by Porfle

SLIPSTREAM (2005) -- movie review by porfle

 

(NOTE: This was one of my first reviews from back in 2005 when I loved recapping the plots to movies in detail,  so there are a lot of spoilers here.)

 

There are plenty of time-travel stories about people going back hundreds, even thousands of years into the past.  But ten minutes?  If you think about it, this could come in quite handy in a wide range of day-to-day situations. 

You could win arguments, say just the right things to people you want to impress, avoid a variety of mishaps, missteps, and mistakes, or -- as Stuart Conway, inventor of The Slipstream Device, seems to have noticed -- you could cash the same paycheck over and over.

Stuart (Sean Astin, LORD OF THE RINGS) doesn't seem like a particularly dishonest person, but as SLIPSTREAM (2005) begins, we find that the beyond-top-secret government research agency that this beyond-intelligent-physicist is working for has cut the funding on his pet project and stuck him in a back room out of everyone's way. 

So, well, he's feeling a bit underappreciated lately, and decides to prove the validity of his theories on time travel by using his new invention, a "poly-dimensional translocation device" (which looks a lot like a cell phone) to cash his latest paycheck as many times as he wants to. 

So there he is, standing at the teller's window at the bank, trying in his worst beyond-super-geek way to sweet-talk the bank clerk he has a crush on, when a particular observation he makes about the highly distracting properties of her low-cut blouse prompts her to pick up the decaf, non-fat, soy concoction she's been sipping and hurl it right at his face. 

Reflexively, he whips out his Slipstream Device and pushes a button.  The liquid slows to a snail's pace and then freezes in mid-air.  Then it begins to retrace its path back into her cup.  Time suddenly zips backward ten minutes -- and their encounter is now at its starting point again.  Cool! he thinks giddily.  While she's counting out my money again, I'll have another chance to shower her with suave witticisms!

Suddenly the doors to the bank fly open and in bursts a band of armed bank robbers, a motley assortment of scruffy, lower-class Brits led by Winston Briggs (Vinnie Jones) and his punky fiancee of twelve years, Gillian (Victoria Bartlett), who are extreme movie fans and fancy themselves as either Bonnie and Clyde or Butch and Sundance according to the situation.  And the situation gets a lot tenser when two FBI agents who have been keeping Stuart under surveillance whip out their guns. 

At first it's a standoff, but in no time there's a heap o' lead flying around, and one of the slugs catches Stuart right in the chest.  The robbers take the money and run.  Agent Sarah Tanner (Ivana Milicevic, CASINO ROYALE) rushes to Stuart's aid.  He tells her to pick up the device and press the button, which she does. 

In a flash, it's ten minutes earlier and Sarah is back standing with her partner Jake (Kevin Otto) before the robbery.  Since she was holding the device when it was activated, she is aware of the time-jump and is understandably flabbergasted.  She looks at Stuart, then at the clock, and realizes that a bank robbery is about to occur.

Or reoccur, that is.  This time there's even more shooting, and things go even more wrong.  Jake runs outside in pursuit of the fleeing bank robbers, and is shot dead as they escape.  Sarah is stricken with grief because she's in love with Jake -- they've even been perusing the classifieds for a nice house to move into together -- and it dawns on her that if Stuart is able to turn back the clock ten minutes, he can save Jake's life. 

One problem, though -- the bank robbers have The Slipstream Device!  And if she and Stuart don't get it back within ten minutes, they won't be able to go back in time far enough to save Jake!

And that's just the start of it!  (Pardon me while I catch my breath.)  Briggs and his gang have a freeway crack-up in their van and end up taking a busload of people hostage.  Sarah and Stuart try to get on the bus, but Briggs shoots Stuart -- again.  So Sarah has to tell him about the device in order to be able to use it to save Stuart.  Briggs thinks this would be a great way to rob the same bank over and over.  When the chopper he's demanded arrives, he and Gillian rig the bus to explode and take off with their gang and Stuart in tow. 

Fast-forward a bit (we can do that, even if Stuart can't) and we find Briggs and Stuart on an airplane headed out of the country.  Sarah has managed to board the same plane.  She gets The Slipstream Device away from Briggs, but it is broken in the struggle.  Briggs would rather die than be caught, so he shoots out a window, and the sudden decompression causes the plane to go into a dive. 

The pilots try their best to pull out, but there's a really big mountain in their windscreen, and it's getting bigger and bigger.  To make things worse, a stewardess whacks Briggs over the head with a fire extinguisher while he's pointing his gun at Sarah, causing him to shoot her at point blank range.  Sarah goes down, dead.  The plane hits the mountain.

As you can see, a lot happens in this movie, and most of it is pretty entertaining.  It's a bit derivative at times -- the bank sequence reminded me a lot of an old OUTER LIMITS episode with Barry Morse, Grace Lee Whitney, and Carroll O'Connor called "Controlled Experiment", in which a woman shoots her husband in a fit of jealousy and a Martian who has come to Earth to study the act of murder uses a device to replay the event backwards, forwards, in slow-motion, etc., and the climax owes a bit to 1964's THE TIME TRAVELERS, although I have no idea whether or not the filmmakers have seen it. 

But there's also a great deal of inventiveness going on here.  David van Eyssen throws everything but the kitchen sink into his directing style at times, especially in the bank shoot-outs that get wilder and more dizzyingly cinematic (though a bit overdone) with every ten-minute replay.  The final moments aboard the airplane are nice -- time stands still, or is slowed down and extended so that we're able to appreciate the effects that certain actions or events have on the characters at crucial instances, and then images begin to flash by and become almost subliminal impressions rushing toward the inevitable conclusion. 

The actors are all very good in their roles, so much so that you even begin to care about the bad guys (Vinnie Jones and Victoria Bartlett make a lovely couple).  Sean Astin and Ivana Milicevic are appealing leads.  The musical score by Rob Lord is outstanding. 

This isn't a great film by any means, but it's definitely a thought-provoking, action-packed good time.  Ten minutes after it was over, I pressed the button on my poly-dimensional translocation device (okay, my DVD player) and watched it again.

SLIPSTREAM (2005) -- movie review by porfle