WE ARE THE FLESH -- Movie Review by Porfle

(Originally posted in 2017)

 

Sometimes you finish watching a movie and think, "Well, that was weird."  With WE ARE THE FLESH (2016), you may find yourself saying that after every scene.  Maybe even every single thing that happens in every scene.

The premise is simple--a very strange and twisted man named Mariano (Noé Hernández in gleefully-crazed mode) is up to something very strange and twisted in an abandoned building, and when homeless brother and sister Lucio (Diego Gamaliel) and Maria (Maria Evoli) enter the building seeking food and shelter, they enter into Mariano's world.  What follows is complete and utter madness.

Mariano's madness is expressed verbally through his incessant wild-eyed philosophizing, which lays bare the inner roilings of his squirming id.  Since philosophy and madness can be an unsettling combination, this alone is enough to leave us reeling. 

Fueled by endless exuberance and made manifest with a manic industriousness--in which he forces his two unwilling charges to participate--the result is a nightmare of horror and perversion limited only by a wholly unfettered imagination.

What follows is a dizzying cinematic freefall into the most extreme depths of depravity in which such things as incest and necrophilia are only the start.  This is filmmaking on a subconscious level, with no limits or boundaries. 

The abundant amounts of sex and violence are both graphic and grotesque.  In fact, once this film gets cranked up, very little occurs that isn't shockingly, disturbingly grotesque. 

 

Needless to say, this film is not--I repeat, NOT--for everyone.

Eventually I reached a point where I stopped trying to evaluate WE ARE THE FLESH on a technical level--that this is writer-director Emiliano Rocha Minter's first feature film is something of an artistic marvel--and just found myself trying to endure it.  Most of it is very hard to get through, and I couldn't wait for several of the scenes to end. 

Comparisons to other filmmakers come to mind.  I kept being reminded of the work of Spanish surrealist Fernando Arrabal, whose images are similarly outlandish and disturbing, and that of David Lynch during his willfully strange ERASERHEAD days. 

The joyful reveling in the grotesque also reminded me of PINK FLAMINGOS-era John Waters, while some of the imagery that's just plain out-there seems like it could've been conceived by a deranged Stanley Kubrick tripping his head off on LSD. 



Much of the story takes place within a giant fabricated womb, writhing with naked bodies caked in blood and filth and engaged in acts so degrading as to give even the most jaded viewer second thoughts about whether or not they should even be watching.  I began to seriously question if doing so could by any stretch of the imagination be described as "entertainment." 

So there you have it.  WE ARE THE FLESH, whatever else it may be, is a stunningly effective descent into the underbelly of cinema which, depending on your individual tastes, tolerances, and/or convictions, has the power to either rivet or repel. 

As for me personally, I didn't enjoy it, but I don't think I was supposed to.  And I'm a little relieved that I didn't.

 

Spanish w/ English subtitles / 80 minutes / 1.85:1

Los Angeles Theatrical Release:
Friday, January 13, 2017
Laemmle's Ahrya Fine Arts Theatre
8556 Wilshire Blvd
Beverly Hills, CA 90211

This title will be released on Blu-ray and DVD February 14, 2017

WE ARE THE FLESH -- Movie Review by Porfle

PLANET TERROR / DEATH PROOF -- Movie Reviews by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 10/21/09. Contains spoilers.

 

If you grew up going to big, dark, seedy movie theaters or rundown drive-ins that showed battered, tattered, spliced-and-diced prints of cheap exploitation flicks--and loving every minute of it-- then Robert Rodriguez' incredibly well-rendered homage to all that great stuff, PLANET TERROR (2007), just might be more fun than you can handle. 

 Originally part of the Rodriguez-Tarantino team-up GRINDHOUSE, which also featured QT's roadkill thriller DEATH PROOF, PLANET TERROR now stands alone on DVD in an extended, unrated version that is pure adrenaline-fueled goofy fun from beginning to end. 

The movie plunks us smack-dab into the old grindhouse atmosphere right off the bat with original "prevues of coming attractions" and "our feature presentation" clips, along with a kickass, spot-on trailer parody for a fictitious flick called MACHETE starring the ever-popular Danny Trejo as a blade-wielding badass for hire. It's only a couple of minutes long, but it contains enough outrageous action clips and gravely-intoned taglines ("If you're going to hire him to kill the bad guy--you'd better make damn sure the bad guy isn't YOU!") to make us wish it was a real movie. (Which it soon will be, apparently--according to IMDb, Rodriguez is preparing MACHETE for an 2010 release.) 

After a vintage clip informing us that the following movie is intended for adults only, PLANET TERROR kicks in full blast with a title sequence featuring scantily-clad star Rose McGowan doing a very energetic pole-dance in a seedy Texas club. Holy G-strings, Batman! I don't know how you'll react, but it got my full attention. Rose is definitely lookin' good these days. 

Her character, Cherry Darling, quits the club in the not-too-likely hope of becoming a stand-up comedian. On the walk home she's almost run over by a convoy of vehicles on its way to an abandoned military base. Here, a shady deal goes down between greedy scientist Abby (Naveen Andrews, "Lost") and a group of renegade soldiers led by Lt. Muldoon (Bruce Willis) concerning a mysterious toxic gas called DC-2. The soldiers, it turns out, have been exposed to the gas and now need to inhale it in measured doses to counteract its horrific effects. But the deal erupts into a bloody gunfight, and before long a cloud of DC-2 is headed toward town. 

Meanwhile, Cherry runs into her old lover Wray (Freddy Rodríguez, "Six Feet Under") in a roadside barbecue joint called The Bone Shack, which is run by the grizzled J.T. Hague (an almost unrecognizable Jeff Fahey). Cherry bums a ride home in Wray's wrecker truck, but they're attacked by some flesh-eating DC-2 zombies who make off with Cherry's right leg. 

At the hospital, soon-to-become-zombies are pouring into the emergency ward, where Josh Brolin is doing his best Nick Nolte imitation as the burnt-out, hypochondriac Dr. Block. Block is preoccupied by the fact that his wife, Dakota (Marley Shelton, SIN CITY) is having an affair with another woman played by "Fergie" of the Black-Eyed Peas, Stacy Ferguson. But he'll have more pressing concerns on his hands when the hospital begins to fill up with pus-spewing, gut-chomping zombies. 

Wray gets hauled off to jail by Sheriff Hauge (Michael Biehn), who has had previous legal troubles with him. The sheriff is J.T.'s brother, and one of the funniest running gags in the film is him desperately trying to coerce J.T. into sharing his secret barbecue sauce recipe with him. But while he's booking Wray for whatever he can think of, zombies strike the police station in force and there's another extremely bloody battle. Wray eventually makes his way back to the hospital to rescue Cherry, ramming a table leg onto the end of her stump in lieu of a more traditional prosthesis. 

The "Lt. Dan"-style missing-leg effects are awesome here, especially when Wray later replaces the table leg with a machine gun/grenade launcher that turns Cherry into one of the coolest warrior women in movie history. Yet another awesome shoot-em-up scene occurs at the besieged, flame-engulfed barbecue joint, where the non-infected survivors have congregated and we discover that Wray is really El Wray. The significance of this is never explained (not only does the film "melt" during the big sex scene, but there's actually a missing reel!) but it's enough to convince Sheriff Hague, who tells his deputy, "Give him a gun. Give him all the guns." 

The survivors' flight down the highway in whatever escape vehicles they can scrounge up is a thrilling sequence highlighted by the sheriff bashing zombie pedestrians to bloody smithereens in Wray's wrecker while Wray heads the convoy on a tiny pocket bike. The finale occurs at the old military base after they've all been detained by Lt. Muldoon and his renegade soldiers. Tarantino turns up as a lecherous psycho who tries to act out his women-in-cages fantasies with Cherry and Dakota, and ends up "getting the point", so to speak. His performance has been derided by some, but Tarantino knows exactly what kind of character he's playing and does it to a tee. (He also gets to perform the film's biggest gross-out scene, and boy, is it gross.) 

The good guys eventually escape from their cells and battle their way toward a helicopter, and not only does everything blow up real good but Cherry gets a mind-boggling opportunity to display her newly-developed battle skills in one of the coolest scenes ever. All of this weird, wild stuff is wrought with all the directorial skills, grindhouse nostalgia, and giddy Monster Kid glee that Robert Rodriguez can muster. Once this thing gets started, it's non-stop over-the-top action all the way, drenched in gouts of fake blood 'n' guts and brimming with all the wonderful 70s exploitation elements Rodriguez can cram into it. 

Stylistically, it's a near-perfect homage, complete with scratchy film, bad edits and splices to give it the look of an old, battered print that's been shown too many times, arch dialogue, and special effects that are well-rendered while being intentionally cheesy-looking. With the DVD's audience-reaction track activated, which to me is the only way to watch this film, it's like sitting in a cheap theater back in the old days. Rodriguez' conviction to go all the way with this concept has resulted in one of the most fun movies I've ever seen. 

The entire cast is outstanding. Michael Parks returns as Texas Ranger Earl McGraw, a character that has appeared in Rodriguez' FROM DUSK TILL DAWN and Tarantino's KILL BILL and is further developed here. Gore makeup master Tom Savini and the original "El Mariachi" himself, Carlos Gallardo, appear as deputies. Rodriguez' twin nieces, Elise and Electra Avellán, play the Crazy Babysitter Twins, who should definitely be in their own movie. And his son Rebel does a nice job as the Blocks' young son, Tony, who loves tarantulas and scorpions but should never be trusted with a gun. 

This DVD is one of the best Christmas gifts I ever got. Rarely have I had this much pure, unadulterated fun watching a movie. Of course, if you're one of those people who post on IMDb asking puzzled questions like "what's with all the scratches?" or pointing out all the obvious "goofs" and "gaffes", this movie probably isn't for you. But if you're an old-school flick fan who gets what Robert Rodriguez is up to here from the git-go, then chances are PLANET TERROR is an exploitation extravaganza that will be held over for an extended run in your home grindhouse theater.  

 

Having gone ga-ga over PLANET TERROR, I couldn't wait to see the other half of the GRINDHOUSE double-feature he and collaborator Quentin Tarantino unleashed on widely unsuspecting audiences in '07. QT's muscle-car mayhem epic DEATH PROOF, while not as over-the-top awesome as Rodriguez' film, is still a pure, giddy joy that revels in the down and dirty delights of its low-budget inspirations. 

We're first introduced to four lovely young wimmins cruising the Tex-Mex diners and bars of Austin, Texas, yakking endlessly about guys and planning an all-girl party at Lake LBJ. There's the petite blonde, Shanna (Cheryl Ladd's daughter Jordan of HOSTEL PART II and CABIN FEVER), leather-clad tough chick Lanna-Frank (Monica Staggs), sexy Brooklyn gal Butterfly (Vanessa Ferlito), and locally-famous radio DJ Jungle Julia (Sydney Tamiia Poitier, Sidney's daughter). 

Rose McGowan, the star of PLANET TERROR, plays a smaller role here as Pam, Julia's grade-school rival who shows up at the Texas Chili Parlor run by Warren (Tarantino) while the girls are there partying with some horny guys that include a funny Eli Roth (HOSTEL). And, for the record, PLANET TERROR's ever-popular Crazy Babysitter Twins are there as well. 

Also sitting at the bar stuffing himself with nacho platters is the burly, scarfaced Stuntman Mike (Kurt Russell), a washed-up Hollywood stuntman who takes an interest in the girls and, through a series of circumstances, ends up getting a lap dance from Butterfly in a steamy set-piece. While Stuntman Mike seems friendly enough, there's something creepy and vaguely dangerous about him. 

But Pam needs a ride home and climbs into his black '69 Dodge Charger, which, as Mike tells her, is so heavily-reinforced for stuntwork as to be "death proof." This, however, only applies to the person behind the wheel, which Pam finds out to her immense regret as soon as they hit the street. 

The first half of DEATH PROOF has the same battered, scratchy, spliced-to-hell look of PLANET TERROR, which should bring back fond memories to anyone who's actually been in a grindhouse or watched a midnight show where the print was as old as they are. For me, the nostalgic joy began in the very first seconds as soon as I heard that awesome bass line from Jack Nitszche's VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS theme, otherwise known as "The Last Race." Then the title, which, for a split second, is "Quentin Tarantino's Thunder Bolt" until the words "DEATH PROOF" are crudely spliced in, mimicking the look of all those cheap films that have been re-released under different titles. Another jarring splice cuts the title sequence short and dumps us into the movie proper. 

 Later, reel changes are clearly heralded by splotchy indicators and one of the biggest moments of the film, Butterfly's lap dance for Stuntman Mike, ends abruptly due to missing footage. This is the kind of stuff that will mean nothing to a lot of viewers, and in fact seems to put many of them off--which is probably one of the main reasons public reaction to this movie has been so divided--but it makes me as giddy as a schoolgirl. 

What happens midway through DEATH PROOF is one of the most thrilling and totally unexpected scenes of recent years--I had to rewind and watch it two or three times just convince myself that this flabbergasting event really happened. Then, after a denouement which features yet another welcome appearance by Michael Parks' Texas Ranger character Earl McGraw, who got his brains blown out way back in FROM DUSK TILL DAWN but refuses to die, the movie blinks forward fourteen months and transports us to Lebanon, Tennessee, where Stuntman Mike is up to his old tricks again. 

This time, we meet four more young women who are in town for the making of a softcore "cheerleader" movie. Rosario Dawson (SIN CITY) is makeup artist Abbie, and Mary Elizabeth Winstead is the movie's cutie-pie star, Lee. Their two friends are hardcore stuntwomen Kim (Tracie Thoms) and real-life stuntwoman Zoë Bell, who plays herself. Zoë's dream is to drive a white 1970 Dodge Challenger with a 440 engine, just like the one in VANISHING POINT. 

 Sure enough, there's a guy in town with one for sale, and before long, the girls (minus Lee) are out for a pedal-to-the-metal test drive that includes a hair-raising stunt called "Ship's Mast" with Zoë sprawled across the car's hood. This, of course, is when Stuntman Mike makes a surprise reappearance, crashing into the Challenger and then trying to run it off the road in a prolonged, stunt-packed pursuit over rural roads and highways. 

 Having a real stuntwoman playing a main role adds to the excitement because we see her face the whole time and know she's really doing all of this dangerous and thrilling stuff herself. Tarantino also uses legendary veterans such as Buddy Joe Hooker and Terry Leonard for the driving stunts, allowing him to indulge his imagination with some of the most incredible set-ups ever filmed. "Adrenaline-charged" would be an apt way to describe this harrowing car chase sequence, all the way up to the truly kooky ending in which the girls turn the tables on ol' Stuntman Mike. 

 The battered-print look disappears in DEATH PROOF's second half, as though we're now seeing another kind of exploitation flick--perhaps the more upper-scale stuff (GONE IN SIXTY SECONDS, VANISHING POINT, et al) that Kim and Zoë like to gush about. One thing that remains consistent throughout the movie, though, is Quentin Tarantino's well-known obsession with female feet. If you're a foot fetishist too, you'll love this movie from the very first frame, as this appears to be Tarantino's substitute for the gratuitous "boob shots" often seen in the usual grindhouse fare. 

There's also an abundance of big butts, gorgeous legs, and stuffed shirts, all lovingly photographed by a gleefully leering QT. Sydney Tamiia Poitier, in particular, proves a highly photogenic focus for such directorial indulgence. I'm not complaining. 

I have heard complaints that much of the girls' dialogue scenes in this movie are too ponderous and not as witty or clever as the "royale with cheese"-type stuff from PULP FICTION. Me, I just like to hear Tarantino's characters talk, even when it isn't all deliciously quotable. These long yakkity-yak scenes also help us get to know the characters before they're subjected to extreme terror and peril by Stuntman Mike. As the crazed highway stalker, Kurt Russell is simply wonderful. Relaxed, jovial, but somehow not quite right, Mike is a great character and Russell is obviously having a ball playing him. 

Tarantino has already wowed the mainstream with RESERVOIR DOGS and PULP FICTION--here he's content to give us old-time, pre-multiplex movie fans like himself a thoroughly entertaining thrill ride down memory lane in a souped-up exploitation flick with a defiant get-it-or-don't attitude. Like PLANET TERROR, the other half of this heartfelt love letter to grindhouse fans, DEATH PROOF doesn't need mainstream acceptance to validate it or make it good. It's critic-proof.

 

 

PLANET TERROR / DEATH PROOF -- Movie Reviews by Porfle

THE MONSTER OF PIEDRAS BLANCAS -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 9/13/16

 

I don't know how often your local stations showed it, but when I was a little Monster Kid back in the 60s I only got to see THE MONSTER OF PIEDRAS BLANCAS (1959) once.  So viewing the new DVD from Olive Films was literally only my second time to watch this modest but effective monster thriller from the tail end of the 50s creature-feature era.

Still, I always remembered it fondly, and I have a feeling a lot of lifelong Monster Kids also hold this seldom-seen gem in warm regard.  Partly because it's such an enjoyably low-key and earnest effort, but mainly due to its titular monster, a scaly, bloodthirsty, and extremely foul-tempered beast with a penchant for decapitating his victims.

Indeed, the most enduring images from the film, which many of us first saw in the pages of "Famous Monsters of Filmland" magazine, are those of the monster carrying around a bloody, realistic-looking severed head (as he does right there on the DVD cover itself).  This really piqued our morbid imaginations in those days since such graphic gore was still a novelty, especially on television. 

For the most part, however, THE MONSTER OF PIEDRAS BLANCAS is pretty standard stuff for a low-budget independent horror feature, though nicely done on all counts.  The simple story takes place in a small seaside town and centers around the lighthouse which is maintained by crabby old Mr. Sturges (John Harmon, FUNNY GIRL, MONSIEUR VERDOUX), who seems to know more than he lets on about the rash of mysterious, violent deaths occurring around town. 

While his attractive daughter Lucille (Jeanne Carmen) spends her school break with him and romances local boy Fred (the great Don Sullivan of THE GIANT GILA MONSTER and TEENAGE ZOMBIES) on the sly, Sheriff Matson (Forrest Lewis, THE ABSENT-MINDED PROFESSOR) and Dr. Jorgenson (Les Tremayne, WAR OF THE WORLDS) try to solve the mystery of the headless corpses popping up all over town.

Lewis, Tremayne, and Harmon, each of whom appeared in films both big and small, use their considerable collective acting experience to lend gravitas to the production.  As for the younger players--Sullivan is an old favorite of mine, even when he has his ukulele with him (his awful solo number in GIANT GILA MONSTER is the stuff of legend), and Carmen, a close friend of Marilyn Monroe who led quite a colorful life in showbiz, gives a likably restrained, earthy performance as Lucille. 

 

I like the smalltown ambience the film establishes--everyone knows everyone else and the phone numbers are only three digits long--as well as the unhurried pace that scripter H. Haile Chace and director Irvin Berwick (MALIBU HIGH, HITCH HIKE TO HELL) maintain until the monster's first shocking appearance jolts us out of our seats. 

After that, we get to see more and more of the reptilian beast until the film's exciting and suspenseful climax, which takes place atop the lighthouse itself.  The monster suit itself resembles a poor man's "Creature From the Black Lagoon" with much more grotesque features (similar to the fearsome alien in IT! THE TERROR FROM BEYOND SPACE), and is definitely a cut above the usual zipper-up-the-back job. 

The DVD from Olive Films is in 1.78:1 widescreen with mono sound.  Subtitles are in English.  No extras.  Picture quality is quite good.

If you don't have a warm spot in your heart for low-budget horror fare from the 50s, chances are THE MONSTER OF PIEDRAS BLANCAS will either leave you cold or put you to sleep, or both.  But if the very title puts a smile on your face while sending a pleasant little chill up and down your spine, then this soulful nostalgia fix should give you a potent buzz. 

THE MONSTER OF PIEDRAS BLANCAS -- DVD Review by Porfle

AXE / KIDNAPPED COED -- Blu-ray + CD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 3/31/22

 

Sometimes a disc falls into my hot little hands which is an all-round cinematic experience in itself, and goes beyond simply watching a movie or two and some extras. Severin Films' new 2-disc set, AXE/KIDNAPPED COED (one Blu-ray disc, one soundtrack CD) is just such a heady film-fan experience. 

Representing the entire filmic output of 70s independent writer/producer/actor/director Frederick R. Friedel (save for an obscure 2000 comedy called MY NEXT FUNERAL), it's a saga of how someone with a little money and a lot of talent made his mark in the regional movie industry, had his films robbed from him by a crooked distributor, and finally found a "rainbow at the end of the storm" decades later when his work was rediscovered by a whole new audience of fervidly appreciative fans.

Watching the first film, AXE, aka "Lisa, Lisa" (1974), my initial impression was that this guy Friedel is one of those creative talents who can take the kind of budget and resources usually reserved for the lowest drive-in dregs and work a kind of rough-hewn magic with them.  Even as the film's look and feel still have that unavoidable bottom-drawer ambience, there's something sharply intelligent about the camerawork and editing, as well as performances by a uniformly fine cast, which elevates it all into a much higher realm of watchability.

Two plotlines are introduced which will eventually intertwine--in one, three gangsters are on the lam after having dispatched some unlucky mug in his cheap hotel room, in luridly violent fashion.  Jack Canon plays Steele, the icily psychotic leader, Ray Green the equally sadistic thug Lomax, and Friedel himself is Billy, a novice criminal still hampered by a nagging conscience.  After the murder, they disappear into the North Carolina backwoods to find a place to lay low for awhile.

This brings them into a collision with plotline number two, in which a curiously disaffected young girl named Lisa (Leslie Lee) is the sole caretaker for her catatonic grandfather (Douglas Powers) in a remote two-storey farmhouse.  Scarcely into her teens, Lisa already seems shell-shocked by life, and barely reacts when Steele, Lomax, and Billy forcibly invite themselves to stay. 

While Lisa's deceptively placid countenance hides a fierce inner turmoil, the evil men now invading her life force her to take overt actions to defend herself.  This comes to a head when Lomax enters her bedroom at night with bad intent, and Lisa displays an aptitude for slicing and dicing heretofore reserved for chickens.

 

This is where AXE starts to live up to its lurid trailers and print ads (which scream the tagline "At last...total terror!"), with winsome nutcase Lisa wielding a straight razor and an axe in bloody fashion without ever breaking that strangely calm but troubled fascade.  Still, the film is never in the same league as THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE (alternate titles include CALIFORNIA AXE MASSACRE and THE VIRGIN SLAUGHTER) nor does it try to be.  It's mainly a compelling and pleasingly morbid character study with splashes of gore but little that could be called "graphic", although that didn't stop it from being condemned as one of England's infamous "video nasties" of the 80s.

As for the cast, the leads couldn't be better.  Leslie Lee is an ideal Lisa, pretty but strange, her sad face always interesting to look at as you wonder what the heck's going on behind it.  As Steele, Jack Canon is a classic big-screen tough guy that you just can't look away from.  He'd have been perfect as the lead in one of those tacky 70s or 80s TV cop shows like "Hunter"--as it is, one can only wonder why he never went farther as an actor.  Ray Green's bloated Lomax is sleaze personified, and Friedel himself, bearded and Brillo-haired, is a convincingly conflicted Billy who ends up trying to help Lisa. 

As a director, Friedel takes his time and lingers artistically over every sequence as much as the brisk shooting schedule allowed, drawing out every nuance of visual interest possible while admittedly playing fast and loose with the script.  An early scene of Steele and Lomax terrorizing a poor convenience store clerk (Carole Miller) is like a foretaste of Oliver Stone's NATURAL BORN KILLERS.  Never one to rely on sheer exploitation, Friedel shoots this and Lisa's rape scene later in the film--as well as the subsequent killings--not just as visceral exploitation but as an opportunity to indulge in a form of raw cinematic poetry.

Wanting to fully explore the potential he saw in Jack Canon during the making of AXE, Friedel then concocted the entire screeplay for his follow-up film KIDNAPPED COED, aka "Kidnapped Lover" (1976) around the actor's charismatic appeal.  Thus, Canon appears in almost every single scene and makes the most of his screen time with a performance that should've been a ticket to broader fame.

Equally compelling is young Leslie Ann Rivers as ginger-haired, bespectacled Sandra, a well-to-do teenage "coed" whom small-time crook Eddie Matlock (Canon) abducts in hopes of a big ransom.  Both actors have faces that are fascinating to look at and naturalistic acting styles that bring their characters to life. 

Friedel has a bigger budget here (around $40,000) which allows for more elaborate camera moves and other relative indulgences that really pay off in the movie's look and style.  Again, he takes plenty of time for character development as the two leads get to know each other and gradually even form a tentative romantic relationship, all done in a series of quirky exchanges taking place during some wildly unexpected situations.

These include a brutal, Scorsese-esque sequence in which both are attacked in their seedy hotel room by a couple of violent thugs who force their way in at gunpoint so that they can beat up Eddie and rape the horrified Sandra in another scene that's stunningly executed.  Continuing the theme that this just isn't his day, Eddie later encounters unfriendly shotgun-wielding farmers while simply trying to get water for his car radiator, and finally ends up in a life-or-death struggle against another bearish farmer who has just welcomed him and Sandra into his home before suddenly going pitchfork-wielding berserk. 

As all this happens to them, Eddie and Sandra's relationship wanders through different stages as the film itself passes, with varying degrees of finesse, through such disparate genres as thriller, horror, action, character drama, quirky romance, and even comedy.  Friedel admits in the commentary that he doesn't even remember whether or not there was a written screenplay for the film, but this only contributes to its off-kilter charm.  Mainly, though, it's Canon and Rivers that keep our eyes glued to this wildly uneven but compelling little film right up to its abrupt and somewhat anti-climactic ending.

The full story surrounding these two films from conception to oblivion (and, lucky for us, joyous rediscovery) is recounted in the hour-long bonus documentary "At Last… Total Terror! – The Incredible True Story of AXE & KIDNAPPED COED", which sees the warm reunion of Friedel and several key members of his production team who also gather to provide excellent commentary tracks for both films.

"Moose Magic – The George Newman Shaw & John Willhelm Story" (38 mins) tells of the two young musical geniuses who scored the films shortly before their tragic demise in a car accident.  Shining lights in the Charlotte, North Carolina music scene, these wonderfully creative and eclectic musicians contributed some offbeat, often minimalistic tracks to AXE and KIDNAPPED COED that are preserved in this set's second disc, a music CD which also includes several bonus tracks of the duo's non-movie-related jazz compositions that provide scintillating listening. 

A ten-minute interview with author Stephen Thrower ("Nightmare USA"), who helped bring Friedel and his films to the attention of new audiences, is followed by several trailers and TV spots for them. 

No doubt the oddest of all the bonus features is the full-length feature film BLOODY BROTHERS, which is actually a later re-edit by Friedel of both AXE and KIDNAPPED COED into one strange, disjointed narrative in which Jack Canon's "Steele" and "Eddie Matlock" characters are presented as identical twins unaware of each other's existence.  Their unrelated stories are intercut with little rhyme or reason, while recurring intertitles tell us that the two are gradually drawing closer to one another ("Five miles away", "One mile away", "1/2 mile away", etc.)

Since we know they'll never meet, we wonder what this is all leading up to, if anything. The main interest is seeing which scenes Friedel decides to include and how he cross-edits them, as well as what he leaves out, including the entire subplot of Eddie and his mom.  There's one scene that's entirely new, which shows Eddie on the beach performing a Jewish prayer ceremony even though he isn't Jewish.

This interesting oddity comes with another winning commentary track by Stephen Thrower. I really can't say how it would play for someone who hasn't already seen the two films on their own. 

Severin Films has restored AXE and KIDNAPPED COED from the original negatives (rescuing these from movie purgatory is part of the main documentary's gripping story) for this HD Blu-ray release, which is in 1.85:1 widescreen and mono sound.  No subtitles. 

AXE, KIDNAPPED COED, and their bastard sibling BLOODY BROTHERS, along with the abundance of extras that go along with them, add up to several hours of movie watching that are engrossing, enriching, and just plain fun.  It's all very satisfying in an exploitation vein, but not only that, Friedel's low-budget films are small-scale artistic wonders which yield all sorts of aesthetic rewards and make one wish he'd done more before being soured on the business. Rather than "so bad, they're good", his films are actually so good, they're great.



Stills used are not taken from the Blu-ray.

AXE / KIDNAPPED COED -- Blu-ray + CD Review by Porfle

The Funniest Scene In "Night Of The Living Dead" (1968) (video)

Authentic-looking news reports lent added realism to George Romero's zombie classic.

Pittsburgh TV personality Bill "Chilly Billy" Cardille played a reporter.

His interview with Sheriff McClelland (George Cosana) was partly improvised.

This led to the film's most unintentionally funny moment...

...which writer/director Romero was happy to leave in.


Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

The Funniest Scene In "Night Of The Living Dead" (1968) (video)

The Infamous Jump Cut in "Night of the Living Dead" (1968) (video)

In George Romero's classic 1968 zombie thriller, "Night of the Living Dead", there's a glaring jump cut...

...where several minutes of dialogue have been removed.

It comes right in the middle of a shot.

Here is one suggestion for eliminating the jump cut.


Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

The Infamous Jump Cut in "Night of the Living Dead" (1968) (video)

Dual Roles in George Romero's "Night Of The Living Dead" (1968) (video)

After entering the abandoned farmhouse, Barbra discovers...

...a horribly mutilated dead body upstairs.
Ben later drags the body into a back bedroom. But who plays the corpse?

Answer: it's Kyra Schon, who's also Harry and Helen Cooper's ailing daughter, Karen.

Later, a female ghoul plucks an insect from a tree and eats it.
She's played by Marilyn Eastman, who is also...

...Karen's mother, Helen Cooper.

Those Coopers really get around, don't they?

Originally posted on 12/3/18

I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

Dual Roles in George Romero's "Night Of The Living Dead" (1968) (video)

CARNIVOROUS -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 4/8/09

 

A little boy named Alan Cade steals a magic "Kulev" stick from an old Cajun witch doctor, pops a crayon in one end, and draws a picture of a giant alligator-headed snake monster killing his abusive stepdad. Voila--one giant alligator-headed snake monster comin' up, and before you know it, bad stepdad is toast.

CARNIVOROUS, aka "Lockjaw: Rise of the Kulev Serpent" (2008), then whisks us ahead several years to find grown-up Alan (Louis Herthum) blissfully married to his childhood sweetheart Becky. But when a truckload of pesky teenagers on their way to a secluded cabin for the weekend run over Alan's beloved without even looking back to see what that "thump" was, a heartbroken Alan whips out the old magic stick again and starts drawing. In no time, the teens start getting dragged one by one into the sugar cane field surrounding their cabin by a big, mean you-know-what.

I tend to lower my expectations when it comes to low-budget horror flicks, so I'm often pleasantly surprised when they turn out to be pretty good. Unfortunately, the only way to not be disappointed by this totally blah film is to expect not to be entertained in any way, shape, or form. Aside from Alan and Becky, the characters are doggedly uninteresting and painfully unlikable, which is only made worse by some really bad performances. 

Even standard good girl Sam (Lauren Fain) and standard sensitive guy Kelly (Wes Brown) are annoying stiffs whom we would dearly love to see get eaten alive. Their moronic party-hearty cohorts are even worse, although slutty blonde Ashley (Victoria Vodar) tends to strip down to her red satin undies a lot and has an endearing snort when she laughs.

The film looks kind of like an episode of "Friday the 13th: The Series" only not as good or anywhere near as exciting. Amir Valinia's bland direction and a groan-filled script don't help much. The kill scenes are few and far between, and generate zero suspense. A couple of them, however, are amusing--one guy gets skewered while mounting his horny girlfriend, with the tip of the creature's wiggling tail sticking out of his chest. He deserves it. 

Another character gets summarily decapitated by said tail at such an odd moment that it isn't scary or shocking, but just sorta unexpectedly funny. As for the creature itself, it's passable, and certainly isn't the worst CGI I've ever seen in a low-budget flick. With more imaginative direction the creature scenes might've been somewhat exciting, but as it is they have little effect at all.

Rapper DMX, who's billed over the title, makes a halfhearted appearance toward the end. He's the grown-up son of the old Cajun from whom Alan stole the magic stick way back when, and now he's the only hope our heroes have of destroying the monster. I seem to remember DMX doing okay in EXIT WOUNDS alongside Steven Seagal, but here he barely registers. He's also one of the executive producers, which makes me wonder why he can't find something better than this to get involved with.

Bad horror flicks can be fun to watch if they aren't totally boring and you can laugh at them. It also helps if the filmmakers were obviously trying to make a good movie and failed in an entertaining way. Unfortunately, none of these conditions apply to CARNIVOROUS. In a word, it's simply--indigestible.

 

CARNIVOROUS -- DVD Review by Porfle

DEADGIRL -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 7/17/09

 

Recently I watched another coming-of-age film called "Bart Got a Room", which might be thought of as the happy flipside to today's very different coming-of-age story, DEADGIRL (2008).

 In this one, two high school misfits named Rickie and J.T. get a room too, only instead of being in a posh hotel it's in the dark basement of an abandoned mental institution, and instead of finding prom dates, they find a naked living-dead girl wrapped in plastic and strapped to a lab table.

Needless to say, this isn't your father's Archie and Jughead. While Rickie (the soulful Shiloh Fernandez, who reminds me of a pre-nutso Joaquin Phoenix) is disturbed by their discovery and wants to report it to somebody, the considerably flakier J.T. (Noah Segan) quickly sees Deadgirl as their own animated RealDoll.

Before long he's as paranoid and possessive as Fred C. Dobbs and acting out his twisted adolescent urges with the undying corpse. In one startling scene, he proves to Rickie that she can't die by firing several bullets into her torso with no effect. Rickie is repulsed but intimidated into silence by the increasingly unbalanced J.T. Eventually others are brought in on the sick setup, with varying horrific consequences.

In a way, DEADGIRL reminded me of "The River's Edge", a fact-based story of some disaffected high school kids who find a murdered girl's body in the weeds and bring their friends out to gawk at her instead of doing anything about it. Here, however, we go way beyond merely "disaffected" and into full-blown "deranged."

Many viewers will no doubt find it difficult to endure scenes of J.T. and his pathetic toady Wheeler (Eric Podnar) taking turns with the increasingly worse-for-wear Deadgirl as her chilling visage contorts, her eyes rolling and leering in their sockets. Equally repellent is the sight of J.T. poking at her pus-oozing bulletholes as he giddily marvels at her inability to die.

While J.T. has found the ghoul of his nightmares, Rickie still pines for the beautiful and unattainable popular girl Joann (Candice Accola), who, as J.T. points out with brutal frankness, would rather die than be with him. She'll eventually have to make that choice.

Her bullying jock boyfriend Johnny (Andrew DiPalma) and his equally sadistic sidekick Dwyer (Nolan Gerard Funk) also get drawn into the situation, culminating in some of the film's most ghastly and nerve-wracking images. Even tied up, Deadgirl is dangerous, because when you least expect it, she bites. And the bites get...infected. What happens to one hapless lad in particular is, for me anyway, quite a jaw-dropper.

 

I wasn't altogether satisfied by the ending, although I suppose there was a kind of resigned inevitability to it. The leads play their parts convincingly--Segan is especially effective as the downwardly spiralling J.T., and Michael Bowen, who was "Buck" in KILL BILL VOL. 1, is one of the best character actors working today.

Best of all, Jenny Spain's Deadgirl is a truly strange and frightening creation. The combination of the right makeup and her cunningly controlled performance, along with the imaginative direction of Marcel Sarmiento and Gadi Harel, makes Deadgirl a memorable movie "monster." You're never quite sure what's going through her fevered mind and can't wait to find out what will happen when she gets loose from her bonds. Which she eventually does, of course.

DEADGIRL is not to be confused with the similarly-titled 2006 film "The Dead Girl." That was a thoughtful, bittersweet account of the affect that one girl's murder has on the lives of several people who are connected with her in one way or another. This, on the other hand, is a pitch dark, full-blown horror flick that sets out to disgust and disturb and succeeds by being one of the most deviously over-the-top cinematic fever dreams of recent years. As for Deadgirl herself, she is both loathesome and sympathetic, repellant yet compelling, horrific yet oddly heroic--and altogether fascinating.

DEADGIRL -- Movie Review by Porfle

DEMON WARRIORS -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 8/2/09

 

A supernatural action thriller that mixes bloody, bone-crushing fights and shoot-em-ups with some puzzling mysticism, Thailand's DEMON WARRIORS, aka Opapatika (2007), is a lot of sound and fury signifying something that I never could quite figure out.

The "Opapatika", or "demon warriors", are former humans who committed suicide and then, for some reason, were able to return to life as superior beings with special powers. A young human, Techit, seeks out an old Opapatika master named Sadok in order to get one of those reincarnation makeovers and is promptly instructed to blow his own brains out, which he does. Sadok tells the newly-risen Techit that since he was unusually intuitive in his former life, his Opapatika power is the ability to read minds. Unfortunately, every time he uses this sixth sense his other senses begin to fade one by one. Sadok's power isn't revealed to us at first, but we do discover that using it causes his body to decay a little at a time.

Sadok is seeking out other Opapatikas for some unknown reason and puts Techit on the trail, along with his super-badass human assistant, Thuwachit. The ones they're searching for are: Paison, a contract killer with unerring aim whose body takes on the wounds of his victims; Aruth, a gentle soul by day who turns into a kill-crazy psycho beast after sundown; Ramil, who can manifest his evil side into a seperate entity with a face only an exorcist could love; and Jiras, who considers his immortality a curse of endless suffering. Weaving her way through their lives is the mysterious Pran, a beautiful woman who becomes an object of great conflict among them all.

Thuwachit narrates the story and doles out exposition like a gum machine although I can't figure out what he's talking about half the time. But mainly he leads group after group of armed soldiers into furious battles with the Opapatika, with the hapless humans getting the ever-livin' crap kicked out of them every time. These guys must be getting paid a ton of money because they just keep getting slaughtered by the dozens in several nicely-staged battle sequences drenched in cartoonishly spewing blood and flying limbs.

One particularly lively setpiece features an encounter between the soldiers and the deadly Aruth in the inner courtyard of an apartment building as they take the fight up and down stairs and across various landings, with lots of leaping and shooting and all kinds of horrible deaths. Thuwachit and his doomed army fare no better against the pistol-packin' Paison, who streaks amongst them firing off one kill-shot after another and racking up a death count that should keep the local morticians busy for months to come.

But as frenetic and action-packed as these scenes are, their one-sided nature--the Opapatika are practically invulnerable to physical harm--renders them a bit tiresome after awhile. The same can be said for the fights between the demon warriors themselves, which are filled with gunfire, swordplay, and carnage, but seem somewhat pointless since these guys just can't seem to manage to kill each other.

In the downtime between all this violence, the movie screeches to a crawl. There are some interesting backstories, Paison's being particularly moving, and some nice artistically filmed scenes of Pran gliding elegantly around the house in her windblown gown and listlessly playing the piano as Aruth and Ramil gaze at her like lovesick puppies. Jiras warns them to stay away from her, apparently knowing something about her that we don't know. Characters either talk a lot about being trapped between reality and limbo or sit around thinking about it, and Thuwachit does some more narration for us, which he is wont to do.

The Pran situation eventually erupts into another big gunfight in her house between all the demon warriors, including Techit, who hasn't really done much up till then besides smoke cigarettes. (According to the synopsis, he's supposed to be a detective, but I never really got that impression.) The rapidly-deteriorating Sadok eventually shows up and reveals his connection to all this, including a surprising link to Pran, and we finally discover just how sinister his intentions are.

By the time we get to the last two or three prolonged battle scenes with the Opapatika mowing down soldiers like so many cans of tomato soup or having generally pointless fights with each other, I was looking forward to seeing them all finally start to friggin' die already. Making things even harder to endure is the fact that for some reason, director Thanakorn Pongsuwan suddenly eschews the perfectly good style that he's employed for the first two-thirds of the film and starts doing everything in highly-annoying Shaky-Cam. This detracts from the dramatic finale in which the story of Thuwachit (my favorite character since he's such a hardcore badass for a human) is resolved along with the insidious scheme of his master Sadok. At least we get to see some of these invulnerable bastards getting killed at last, which comes not a moment too soon since by now things have started to list perilously toward the boring side.

The DVD is in 1.78:1 widescreen with 5.1 and 2.0 Dolby Digital sound. You can listen to it in the original Thai with English or Spanish subtitles, or in an English dub. Included as a bonus feature is a 15-minute "making of" featurette.

DEMON WARRIORS has cool makeup effects, stunningly violent and bloody action (complete with massive spew), and some very nice production design and cinematography. But aside from the exciting early fight scenes, the story tends to get exceedingly dry and the action becomes repetitive. I did like this movie to a certain extent and appreciate the effort put into it, but the fadeout came as a bit of a relief.

DEMON WARRIORS -- DVD Review by Porfle

THE STRANGERS -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 10/14/08

 

Remember that famous shot from the original HALLOWEEN in which Jamie Lee Curtis is standing in a dark doorway, and Michael's masked face slowly materializes behind her?  

THE STRANGERS (2008) wants to extend that same creepy chill for its entire running time, and in large part it succeeds.

After leaving a friend's wedding reception, James (Scott Speedman) and Kristen (Liv Tyler) return to his family's secluded lakefront vacation house late at night, obviously in the midst of a wrenchingly emotional relatonship crisis.

It seems James just popped the question and Kristen responded with the old "I'm just not ready" routine, and now things between them are, to say the least, strained.

 But just as they begin to engage in what promises to be some hot, impulsive makeup sex in the livingroom...there's a knock at the door. Answering it, they find a strange young girl standing in the dark, her face obscured as she says simply: "Is Tamara home?"

This is the point where nothing in the lives of James and Kristen will ever be the same again, and THE STRANGERS begins its grueling descent into sheer terror. It's one of those horror films with a simple storyline riddled with various cliches of the genre, and the main interest comes from seeing how imaginatively the filmmakers tweak these cliches and feed them back to us.

 

A silent intruder, wearing one of those eerily bland masks, keeps entering the frame behind our main characters. Avenues of escape or contact with the outside world are cut off one by one, and cell phones suddenly become unreliable. James says "Wait here" and disappears, leaving Kristen alone. Kristen, of course, eventually falls while running and sprains her ankle.

And there's the old nailbiter that has her cowering in a closet, watching through the slats while the killer slowly searches the room and casts ominous looks in her direction. Even the old hand-grabbing-the-shoulder routine, a staple of 50s B-movies, is shamelessly revived. None of this is a problem for me, though--I like seeing new life breathed into old cliches if it's done well.

With a big-name cast and fine production values at his disposal, first-time writer-director Bryan Bertino has crafted an unusually stylish slasher flick that looks way better than most films of its kind (the cinematography is especially sumptuous during the early scenes) and he knows how to handle the scary stuff.

 Scott Speedman is a strong, sympathetic presence as James, while Liv Tyler not only handles the drama well but also proves to be an excellent screamer. The killers (there are three) are an interesting mix of the familiar and the inexplicably strange--I don't want to describe them in much detail, but the senseless, arbitrary nature of their attack is unsettling. And in addition to an ominous musical score, the sound design is highly effective from that very first hollow knock at the door.

The DVD is 2.35:1 anamorphic widescreen with Dolby 5.1 sound; both are very good. In addition to two minor deleted scenes, a featurette entitled "The Elements of Terror" gives us an interesting look at the making of the film. Both the theatrical and unrated versions are included, although there's little discernible difference between the two except for an extra scene near the end which is interesting but contains no added violence. Subtitles are in English, Spanish, and French.

What THE STRANGERS does very well is to isolate its main characters in a nightmarish, hopeless situation and then make us experience every minute of fear and panic with them. There's a high level of suspense throughout, with some scenes almost unbearably tense. And it all leads to a final sequence that is both sad and depressingly inevitable. By no means the feelgood movie of the year, THE STRANGERS gleefully tapdances on whatever fears of home invasion you may have ever entertained.

THE STRANGERS -- DVD Review by Porfle

TUCKER & DALE VS. EVIL -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 11/11/11

 

One of those movies where I see the trailer and think "Whoa, I've gotta see this!", TUCKER & DALE VS. EVIL (2010) doesn't fully fulfill the promise of its premise but has a whole lot of fun trying to. 

The whole subgenre of city kids venturing into the woods and being terrorized by evil hillbillies is turned on its ear as a mutual misunderstanding between two well-meaning rednecks in their new vacation cabin and the usual group of rowdy teens on a camping trip becomes a bloody battle to survive.  Most of the humor comes from the way the good guys' actions are totally misconstrued as evil in the eyes of the kids, and vice versa. 

Tucker (Alan Tudyk, A KNIGHT'S TALE, 3:10 TO YUMA) and his chubby sidekick Dale (Tyler Labine, RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES) are doing some night fishing when a skinny-dipping college babe named Allie (Katrina Bowden) slips on a rock and falls into the water.  Already spooked by the "creepy" hillbillies, the other kids are horrified to see them hauling Allie into their boat while yelling "We got your friend!  We got your friend!" 



Allie recuperates in the cabin and begins a tentative romantic relationship with the smitten Dale while her frantic friends plot to rescue her from her crazed abductors.  Their initial attempts lead to the film's funniest scenes, with the hapless kids accidentally impaling themselves or diving headfirst into a woodchipper while Tucker and Dale look on in horror, thinking they're witnessing a mass suicide. 

Another highlight occurs when Tucker disturbs a beehive while sawing logs and becomes, in the eyes of the kids, a chainsaw-wielding maniac on the warpath.  Debut director Eli Craig does a good job of wringing some solid bellylaughs out of these situations with the help of first-rate comedy duo Tudyk and Labine. 

Even though the skewed outlook and occasional hilarity of the film's first half eventually begin to peter out, the fun keeps chugging along as Chad (Jesse Moss, DEAR MR. GACY, WILD CHERRY), the frat-rat ringleader of the college kids, grows increasingly bloodthirsty for revenge against Tyler and Dale and rallies his surviving friends into a last-ditch attack.  The story takes a few twists and turns, with a flashback sequence explaining Chad's unreasoning hatred toward hillbillies, and finally takes on the form of an old-fashioned cliffhanger serial complete with distressed damsel tied to a log and headed for a spinning buzzsaw.  



With such lovable protagonists as the mutually-supportive, fun-loving Tucker and Dale, and shy Dale's sweetly endearing courtship of winsome Allie, TUCKER & DALE VS. EVIL is never quite the black comedy one might expect.  This makes the graphic death scenes seem rather jarring at first, although some familiar elements are so over-the-top--as when dumb blonde Chloe (Chelan Simmons) is drenched by one huge glop of blood from the woodchipper, or when Tucker and Dale gingerly drag the bottom half of an unfortunate teen out of said device ("He's heavy for just half a guy," Tucker notes)--that the effect is perversely delightful. 

The DVD from Magnolia is in 2.35:1 widescreen with Dolby Digital sound and Spanish subtitles.  Extras include a fun commentary with director Craig and stars Tudyk and Labine, a making-of featurette, an HDNet promo short, outtakes, storyboards, trailers, and--my favorite--"Tucker and Dale ARE Evil: The College Kids' Point of View", which shows only the parts of the film that make our heroes seem like actual homicidal rednecks in the kids' eyes.  Watching this made me wonder if the film would've been more effective if it had started out this way and then flashed back to reveal what Tucker and Dale were really saying and thinking during those scenes.

While Tudyk and Labine's priceless reactions to the whirlwind of horror that has descended upon their peaceful vacation cabin are the best thing about TYLER & DALE VS. EVIL, the entire film has a skewed feelgood quality that's irresistible.  I didn't really feel like I was watching a cult classic in the making, but it's packed with so much goofy fun and lighthearted comedy--along with its grislier moments--that anyone who loves a good "city kids vs. hillbillies" horror flick should have a ball with this affectionate spoof. 

TUCKER & DALE VS. EVIL -- DVD Review by Porfle

SILENT NIGHT -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 11/29/12

 

I'm not sure who first had the idea of turning Santa Claus into a psycho killer, but I do recall sitting at the drive-in and thrilling to the sight of a not-so-saintly Saint Nick menacing Joan Collins in the original TALES FROM THE CRYPT.  Later, the home video age allowed me to witness Linnea Quigley's celebrated antler-skewering in 1984's SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT in the comfort of my own recliner.  And now, with Anchor Bay's release of SILENT NIGHT (2012) on DVD, the jolly old elf with the axe and the attitude problem stalks the snow-swept streets yet again.

The pre-title sequence gets things off to a nice start with some teasing glimpses of Psycho Santa gearing up to go medieval on a couple of squirming home-invasion captives.  One guy's harrowing electrocution, complete with exploding eyeballs, gives us a foretaste of the film's generous gore content which will include plenty of slashings, choppings, piercings, dismemberments, and other mischief all done with old school 80s-style practical effects. 

Strangely enough, though, we've seen all this stuff so many times before that even the ghastliest effects have a "been there, done that" quality.  It's the staging of the mysterious killer Santa's attacks that makes the difference, with director Steven C. Miller doing his best to inject new life into very familiar situations.  He's already shown that he can do horror on a small budget (AUTOMATON TRANSFUSION) and handle action scenes with skill (THE AGGRESSION SCALE). 

Here, both are done with Miller's usual competence, although little that happens is original or over-the-top enough to really impress us on the level of, say, HALLOWEEN--which this movie resembles a bit in its earlier scenes of a placid Midwestern town lazily gearing up for a holiday amidst ominous glimpses of a murderous masked intruder.  As slasher killers go, this hulking Santa with the plastic mask has the size and imposing bearing for the job, yet lacks the personality needed to make him truly memorable in the "Michael Myers" vein.

Jaime King, who was the beautiful Goldie in SIN CITY, does a fine job in a non-glamorous role as a woman who actually looks like she might be a smalltown deputy.  Having just lost her husband, she's getting moral support from her parents over the holidays but is called in to work when Deputy Jordan (Brendan Fehr, COMEBACK SEASON) fails to show up--for reasons we're already aware of. 

As the killings escalate and a Santa-suited slasher is identified as the main suspect, the investigation is made doubly difficult by a plethora of Saint Nicks wandering the streets in preparation for the big Christmas parade.  Red herrings and false leads abound, including Donal Logue as an amusingly cynical fake-Santa who likes to make the kiddies cry by telling them the truth about Christmas.  Playing a crotchety old sheriff who looks forward to dealing with something exciting for a change, Malcolm McDowell is a welcome presence and seems to enjoy lending this earnest little horror flick some name value.

King's acting talent is given full range as her character's vulnerability and shaky self-confidence are evident in a series of close calls with suspects and some disturbing crime scenes including the murder of a little girl (who, as we see earlier, is an insufferable brat who richly deserves her fate!)  Equally shocking ends are in store for a stereotypically lecherous priest and an even more stereotypically sex-crazed teen couple whose lusty liason is rudely interrupted.  (The latter includes a direct homage to SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT that echoes a similar re-enactment by Linnea Quigley herself in CAESAR AND OTTO'S DEADLY XMAS.)

The gore effects are hokey but fun, with a crudely inventive woodchipper scene being perhaps the most genuinely unpleasant sequence.
Miller uses his modest budget to good effect and his movie looks pretty good (the Christmas ambience is especially well done) except for when the camera starts spazzing out during the murder scenes.  A frenetic flamethrower finale inside the police station isn't all that exciting but is rather impressively staged. 

The DVD from Anchor Bay is in 2.40:1 anamorphic widescreen with Dolby 5.1 soun and subtitles in English and Spanish.  Extras consist of some deleted scenes and a brief behind-the-scenes featurette.

Like most good yuletide horror movies, SILENT NIGHT is melancholy and atmospheric, and actually generates a bit of Christmas spirit with which to contrast its brutal carnage.  While in no danger of becoming a perennial cult favorite along the lines of BLACK CHRISTMAS, and not particularly memorable in general, it's a morbidly fun way to pass the time while waiting for your chestnuts to roast.

SILENT NIGHT -- DVD Review by Porfle

RED CHRISTMAS -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 8/24/17

 

A movie that might also have been called "When Abortions Attack!", RED CHRISTMAS (Artsploitation Films, 2016) is a pretty effective cautionary tale about what can happen if your viable aborted fetus is rescued by the guy who's about to blow up the abortion clinic, grows up into a twisted, deformed freak, and then returns as an adult on Christmas Day to wreak bloody revenge on his erstwhile mother and her comically dysfunctional family. 

Of course, any such film must star beloved genre queen Dee Wallace as the mom, who so desperately wants a traditional, happy family get-together despite having a woefully untraditional, unhappy family with absolutely no intention of getting together.  Her only solace is son Jerry (Gerard Odwyer), whose Downs Syndrome only makes him more special in Mommy's heart.

The rest of the clan includes the rebellious teen girl, her witheringly cynical and very, very pregnant older sister, the ultra-religious sister whose husband is a pious man of the cloth, and Mom's old-hippie brother who is forever puffing away on his medicinal marijuana. 

The prickly interactions amongst this motley bunch, spurred by various family issues and clashing personalities, would be sufficient for a twisted "Big Chill" sort of ensemble dramedy were it not for the fact that their ritual of exchanging gifts around the Christmas tree is interrupted by the entrance of one Cletus, an extremely creepy figure robed in black and wrapped from head to toe like a leper. 

Anyone who watches the abortion clinic prologue and then gets a load of Cletus should have very little trouble putting two and two together as well as mentally mapping out pretty much what territory the rest of RED CHRISTMAS is going to cover. 

All that's left to discover is who's gonna die in what order, how (and how bad) it's going to be, and whether or not first-time writer-director Craig Anderson will be able to make it entertaining for us jaded old slasher-flick junkies. 

Of course, the movie has already proven itself absorbing and fun thanks to good dialogue and performances and a pleasing overall look which includes nicely creative use of color and camera movement. 

Once the axe hits the skull and Cletus starts racking up his body count, the story goes into high gear and keeps us on our toes even though most of the plot's twists and turns cover pretty familiar ground. 

Granted, things start to lag a bit in the second half, but remain generally engaging enough to keep us wanting to see what happens next.  The kills range from teasing glimpses to graphic gore (although this isn't really a gorehound's dream) while our fleeting glimpse of Cletus sans facial bandages drives home the pleasingly retro nature of the film's practical effects. 

The tone is mock serious, with any humor that's inherent in the script kept utterly deadpan and never overt, which I like.  I also like the fact that the premise is so refreshingly different from the usual teens-in-a-cabin or campers-in-the-woods slasher fare while retaining the better elements of such films.

Mainly, though, RED CHRISTMAS lets us enjoy watching the wonderful Dee Wallace giving her all in a great role while fun and entertaining murder, mayhem, and carnage ensue all around her.  It's enough to give horror fans a little taste of Christmas right here in the middle of August.



August 25th Theatrical Release:
Laemmle Music Hall 3
9036 Wilshire Blvd
Beverly Hills, CA 90211

Red Christmas: English / Australia / 82 minutes

RED CHRISTMAS -- Movie Review by Porfle

CAESAR AND OTTO'S DEADLY XMAS -- Movie Review by Porfle

(Originally posted on 8/28/12)


When we last checked in with those wacky half-brothers Caesar and Otto, they were frantically eluding the bloody clutches of a serial killer in CAESAR & OTTO'S SUMMER CAMP MASSACRE and trying not to get sued by the Prince of Darkness himself in CAESAR & OTTO MEET DRACULA'S LAWYER.  Now, with CAESAR AND OTTO'S DEADLY XMAS (2012), even "the most wonderful time of the year" becomes a nightmare of horror and hilarity for our dauntless dim-bulbs.

Directing his own screenplay (from a story co-written with Joe Randazzo) in his usual frenetic and wildly inventive style, indy auteur Dave Campfield once again stars as "effete tough guy" Caesar Denovio, a whirling dervish of cowardly aggression who fancies himself a great actor even though he bungles even the tiniest bit parts (such as "Waiter" or "Background Pedestrian").

Caesar constantly bullies and beats up on his much larger but mild-mannered half-brother Otto (Paul Chomicki), an unemployed "sponge" living in Caesar's apartment.  Together, Campfield and Chomicki form a comedy team that harkens back to such classic duos as Abbott & Costello and Ren & Stimpy, but with their own amusingly unique style.

Several elements from SUMMER CAMP MASSACRE are carried over here, including Caesar and Otto's quest for employment leading them into the manipulative clutches of the deceptively pleasant Jerry (Ken MacFarlane), who now heads an evil organization called XMas Enterprises.  Caesar gets to display his bad-acting chops again, this time failing his audition to play Santa due to a childhood trauma caused by crazy Grandpa Denovio (a hilarious cameo by Troma's Lloyd Kaufman).

There's a road trip complete with endearingly bad (if not impossible) process shots, along with another of Caesar's BABY JANE-style attacks on Otto as they compete for the same acting role.  The suspenseful climax recalls that of the previous film, with Caesar, Otto, and their dad Fred in grave peril at the hands of Jerry and his minions.

One of the most delightfully funny new wrinkles in DEADLY XMAS is when Caesar gets the chance to write, direct, and star in his very own low-budget horror film (financed by XMas Enterprises) which, of course, is a disaster.  "Hand-hold it, the shakier the better!" he says gleefully during one scene.  "That's, like, never done in independent films!"

 

Other returning castmembers include Robin Ritter as Nurse Helen, Avi K. Garg as the plucky Drew (who remains upbeat even though he keeps losing his arms and having them reattached), Scott Aguilar as Caesar and Otto's no-good but lovable dad Fred, Summer Ferguson as Otto's boyhood love interest Allison, Keith Bush as the Caesar-hating chief of police, Dawn Burdue, Jen Nikolaus, and Derek Crabbe. 

Felissa Rose (SLEEPAWAY CAMP), Martin Sheen's brother Joe Estevez, and scream queens Brinke Stevens and Debbie Rochon make their customary cameo appearances, while Linnea Quigley plays Caesar's crabby agent Donna and recreates her celebrated death scene from 1984's SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT.

Felissa's husband Deron Miller, who had a much smaller role in SUMMER CAMP MASSACRE, plays Santa-clad serial killer Demian, a crazed lackey of XMas Enterprises who becomes fixated on our heroes and starts killing off everyone on the "called to cancel" list for Caesar's annual Thanksgiving feast (which features pretzel sticks, popcorn, and toast on picnic plates).  Demian's axe-wielding exploits supply the film with most of its over-the-top comedic gore, aside from a dream sequence in which a mortified Caesar gets drenched from head to toe in the red stuff while Santa dismembers Otto with a chainsaw.

Once again, Dave Campfield is able to overcome a rock-bottom budget simply by means of creative directing, camerawork, and editing (the latter is especially good), along with sound design and a hyperkinetic pace which recall classic theatrical cartoons.  In addition to this, the cast is brimming with talented performers rather than, as in so many low-budget features, a bunch of nitwits thrown together on the cheap.  There's a lot of good comic acting going on here, with each castmember seemingly inspired by the project.

This is especially true in regard to Campfield himself, who, given the right resources, has (in my opinion) the potential to develop into one of the sharpest and most visually creative comedy filmmakers working today.  While still suffering from a lack of polish that a decent budget would solve, his "Caesar and Otto" series has its own distinctly warped slapstick style and sensibility in the same way that, say, the Zucker Brothers' comedies do.  I'm not saying Dave Campfield is the next Buster Keaton, but I think ol' Stone Face might've gotten a few good laughs out of CAESAR AND OTTO'S DEADLY XMAS.

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Caesar & Otto’s Deadly Xmas--Fun Facts and Trivia

Story: With the holiday season approaching, Caesar and Otto find themselves employed at X-Mas Enterprises Inc., where a disgruntled employee wearing a Santa suit has begun a killing spree, and has appeared to have found himself the perfect patsies.

Cast: Dave Campfield, Paul Chomicki, Deron Miller, Ken Macfarlane, Summer Ferguson, Brinke Stevens, Scott Aguilar with special appearances from Lloyd Kaufman, Felissa Rose, Debbie Rochon, Joe Estevez and Linnea Quigley.


Trivia

The film is part spoof of 1984’s Silent Night, Deadly Night, and features many direct homages. Most notably, Linnea Quigley being impaled upon antlers.

Lloyd Kaufman’s appearance is a direct spoof of an opening scene from Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984).

Deadly Xmas is a sequel to Caesar & Otto’s Summer Camp Massacre, which lampooned “Sleep away Camp” (1983). Summer Camp featured Felissa Rose in a role that parodied her Angela character from the original.

Deron Miller, who portrays Demian in this feature, was lead singer of the hit rock group, CKY.

Deron Miller and Felissa Rose play husband and wife in the film. In real life they in fact are.

Neil Leeds is in fact a local Los Angeles celebrity known for his around the clock television ads as Leeds Mattress owner and spokesperson.

Preproduction has begun on the next installment, which will satirize both Halloween and the Paranormal Activity movies.

Intended to be a modern day throw back to the Abbott and Costello horror/comedy crossovers of yesteryear.

 

CAESAR AND OTTO'S DEADLY XMAS -- Movie Review by Porfle