PLANET TERROR / DEATH PROOF -- Movie Reviews by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 10/21/09. Contains spoilers.

 

If you grew up going to big, dark, seedy movie theaters or rundown drive-ins that showed battered, tattered, spliced-and-diced prints of cheap exploitation flicks--and loving every minute of it-- then Robert Rodriguez' incredibly well-rendered homage to all that great stuff, PLANET TERROR (2007), just might be more fun than you can handle. 

 Originally part of the Rodriguez-Tarantino team-up GRINDHOUSE, which also featured QT's roadkill thriller DEATH PROOF, PLANET TERROR now stands alone on DVD in an extended, unrated version that is pure adrenaline-fueled goofy fun from beginning to end. 

The movie plunks us smack-dab into the old grindhouse atmosphere right off the bat with original "prevues of coming attractions" and "our feature presentation" clips, along with a kickass, spot-on trailer parody for a fictitious flick called MACHETE starring the ever-popular Danny Trejo as a blade-wielding badass for hire. It's only a couple of minutes long, but it contains enough outrageous action clips and gravely-intoned taglines ("If you're going to hire him to kill the bad guy--you'd better make damn sure the bad guy isn't YOU!") to make us wish it was a real movie. (Which it soon will be, apparently--according to IMDb, Rodriguez is preparing MACHETE for an 2010 release.) 

After a vintage clip informing us that the following movie is intended for adults only, PLANET TERROR kicks in full blast with a title sequence featuring scantily-clad star Rose McGowan doing a very energetic pole-dance in a seedy Texas club. Holy G-strings, Batman! I don't know how you'll react, but it got my full attention. Rose is definitely lookin' good these days. 

Her character, Cherry Darling, quits the club in the not-too-likely hope of becoming a stand-up comedian. On the walk home she's almost run over by a convoy of vehicles on its way to an abandoned military base. Here, a shady deal goes down between greedy scientist Abby (Naveen Andrews, "Lost") and a group of renegade soldiers led by Lt. Muldoon (Bruce Willis) concerning a mysterious toxic gas called DC-2. The soldiers, it turns out, have been exposed to the gas and now need to inhale it in measured doses to counteract its horrific effects. But the deal erupts into a bloody gunfight, and before long a cloud of DC-2 is headed toward town. 

Meanwhile, Cherry runs into her old lover Wray (Freddy Rodríguez, "Six Feet Under") in a roadside barbecue joint called The Bone Shack, which is run by the grizzled J.T. Hague (an almost unrecognizable Jeff Fahey). Cherry bums a ride home in Wray's wrecker truck, but they're attacked by some flesh-eating DC-2 zombies who make off with Cherry's right leg. 

At the hospital, soon-to-become-zombies are pouring into the emergency ward, where Josh Brolin is doing his best Nick Nolte imitation as the burnt-out, hypochondriac Dr. Block. Block is preoccupied by the fact that his wife, Dakota (Marley Shelton, SIN CITY) is having an affair with another woman played by "Fergie" of the Black-Eyed Peas, Stacy Ferguson. But he'll have more pressing concerns on his hands when the hospital begins to fill up with pus-spewing, gut-chomping zombies. 

Wray gets hauled off to jail by Sheriff Hauge (Michael Biehn), who has had previous legal troubles with him. The sheriff is J.T.'s brother, and one of the funniest running gags in the film is him desperately trying to coerce J.T. into sharing his secret barbecue sauce recipe with him. But while he's booking Wray for whatever he can think of, zombies strike the police station in force and there's another extremely bloody battle. Wray eventually makes his way back to the hospital to rescue Cherry, ramming a table leg onto the end of her stump in lieu of a more traditional prosthesis. 

The "Lt. Dan"-style missing-leg effects are awesome here, especially when Wray later replaces the table leg with a machine gun/grenade launcher that turns Cherry into one of the coolest warrior women in movie history. Yet another awesome shoot-em-up scene occurs at the besieged, flame-engulfed barbecue joint, where the non-infected survivors have congregated and we discover that Wray is really El Wray. The significance of this is never explained (not only does the film "melt" during the big sex scene, but there's actually a missing reel!) but it's enough to convince Sheriff Hague, who tells his deputy, "Give him a gun. Give him all the guns." 

The survivors' flight down the highway in whatever escape vehicles they can scrounge up is a thrilling sequence highlighted by the sheriff bashing zombie pedestrians to bloody smithereens in Wray's wrecker while Wray heads the convoy on a tiny pocket bike. The finale occurs at the old military base after they've all been detained by Lt. Muldoon and his renegade soldiers. Tarantino turns up as a lecherous psycho who tries to act out his women-in-cages fantasies with Cherry and Dakota, and ends up "getting the point", so to speak. His performance has been derided by some, but Tarantino knows exactly what kind of character he's playing and does it to a tee. (He also gets to perform the film's biggest gross-out scene, and boy, is it gross.) 

The good guys eventually escape from their cells and battle their way toward a helicopter, and not only does everything blow up real good but Cherry gets a mind-boggling opportunity to display her newly-developed battle skills in one of the coolest scenes ever. All of this weird, wild stuff is wrought with all the directorial skills, grindhouse nostalgia, and giddy Monster Kid glee that Robert Rodriguez can muster. Once this thing gets started, it's non-stop over-the-top action all the way, drenched in gouts of fake blood 'n' guts and brimming with all the wonderful 70s exploitation elements Rodriguez can cram into it. 

Stylistically, it's a near-perfect homage, complete with scratchy film, bad edits and splices to give it the look of an old, battered print that's been shown too many times, arch dialogue, and special effects that are well-rendered while being intentionally cheesy-looking. With the DVD's audience-reaction track activated, which to me is the only way to watch this film, it's like sitting in a cheap theater back in the old days. Rodriguez' conviction to go all the way with this concept has resulted in one of the most fun movies I've ever seen. 

The entire cast is outstanding. Michael Parks returns as Texas Ranger Earl McGraw, a character that has appeared in Rodriguez' FROM DUSK TILL DAWN and Tarantino's KILL BILL and is further developed here. Gore makeup master Tom Savini and the original "El Mariachi" himself, Carlos Gallardo, appear as deputies. Rodriguez' twin nieces, Elise and Electra Avellán, play the Crazy Babysitter Twins, who should definitely be in their own movie. And his son Rebel does a nice job as the Blocks' young son, Tony, who loves tarantulas and scorpions but should never be trusted with a gun. 

This DVD is one of the best Christmas gifts I ever got. Rarely have I had this much pure, unadulterated fun watching a movie. Of course, if you're one of those people who post on IMDb asking puzzled questions like "what's with all the scratches?" or pointing out all the obvious "goofs" and "gaffes", this movie probably isn't for you. But if you're an old-school flick fan who gets what Robert Rodriguez is up to here from the git-go, then chances are PLANET TERROR is an exploitation extravaganza that will be held over for an extended run in your home grindhouse theater.  

 

Having gone ga-ga over PLANET TERROR, I couldn't wait to see the other half of the GRINDHOUSE double-feature he and collaborator Quentin Tarantino unleashed on widely unsuspecting audiences in '07. QT's muscle-car mayhem epic DEATH PROOF, while not as over-the-top awesome as Rodriguez' film, is still a pure, giddy joy that revels in the down and dirty delights of its low-budget inspirations. 

We're first introduced to four lovely young wimmins cruising the Tex-Mex diners and bars of Austin, Texas, yakking endlessly about guys and planning an all-girl party at Lake LBJ. There's the petite blonde, Shanna (Cheryl Ladd's daughter Jordan of HOSTEL PART II and CABIN FEVER), leather-clad tough chick Lanna-Frank (Monica Staggs), sexy Brooklyn gal Butterfly (Vanessa Ferlito), and locally-famous radio DJ Jungle Julia (Sydney Tamiia Poitier, Sidney's daughter). 

Rose McGowan, the star of PLANET TERROR, plays a smaller role here as Pam, Julia's grade-school rival who shows up at the Texas Chili Parlor run by Warren (Tarantino) while the girls are there partying with some horny guys that include a funny Eli Roth (HOSTEL). And, for the record, PLANET TERROR's ever-popular Crazy Babysitter Twins are there as well. 

Also sitting at the bar stuffing himself with nacho platters is the burly, scarfaced Stuntman Mike (Kurt Russell), a washed-up Hollywood stuntman who takes an interest in the girls and, through a series of circumstances, ends up getting a lap dance from Butterfly in a steamy set-piece. While Stuntman Mike seems friendly enough, there's something creepy and vaguely dangerous about him. 

But Pam needs a ride home and climbs into his black '69 Dodge Charger, which, as Mike tells her, is so heavily-reinforced for stuntwork as to be "death proof." This, however, only applies to the person behind the wheel, which Pam finds out to her immense regret as soon as they hit the street. 

The first half of DEATH PROOF has the same battered, scratchy, spliced-to-hell look of PLANET TERROR, which should bring back fond memories to anyone who's actually been in a grindhouse or watched a midnight show where the print was as old as they are. For me, the nostalgic joy began in the very first seconds as soon as I heard that awesome bass line from Jack Nitszche's VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS theme, otherwise known as "The Last Race." Then the title, which, for a split second, is "Quentin Tarantino's Thunder Bolt" until the words "DEATH PROOF" are crudely spliced in, mimicking the look of all those cheap films that have been re-released under different titles. Another jarring splice cuts the title sequence short and dumps us into the movie proper. 

 Later, reel changes are clearly heralded by splotchy indicators and one of the biggest moments of the film, Butterfly's lap dance for Stuntman Mike, ends abruptly due to missing footage. This is the kind of stuff that will mean nothing to a lot of viewers, and in fact seems to put many of them off--which is probably one of the main reasons public reaction to this movie has been so divided--but it makes me as giddy as a schoolgirl. 

What happens midway through DEATH PROOF is one of the most thrilling and totally unexpected scenes of recent years--I had to rewind and watch it two or three times just convince myself that this flabbergasting event really happened. Then, after a denouement which features yet another welcome appearance by Michael Parks' Texas Ranger character Earl McGraw, who got his brains blown out way back in FROM DUSK TILL DAWN but refuses to die, the movie blinks forward fourteen months and transports us to Lebanon, Tennessee, where Stuntman Mike is up to his old tricks again. 

This time, we meet four more young women who are in town for the making of a softcore "cheerleader" movie. Rosario Dawson (SIN CITY) is makeup artist Abbie, and Mary Elizabeth Winstead is the movie's cutie-pie star, Lee. Their two friends are hardcore stuntwomen Kim (Tracie Thoms) and real-life stuntwoman Zoë Bell, who plays herself. Zoë's dream is to drive a white 1970 Dodge Challenger with a 440 engine, just like the one in VANISHING POINT. 

 Sure enough, there's a guy in town with one for sale, and before long, the girls (minus Lee) are out for a pedal-to-the-metal test drive that includes a hair-raising stunt called "Ship's Mast" with Zoë sprawled across the car's hood. This, of course, is when Stuntman Mike makes a surprise reappearance, crashing into the Challenger and then trying to run it off the road in a prolonged, stunt-packed pursuit over rural roads and highways. 

 Having a real stuntwoman playing a main role adds to the excitement because we see her face the whole time and know she's really doing all of this dangerous and thrilling stuff herself. Tarantino also uses legendary veterans such as Buddy Joe Hooker and Terry Leonard for the driving stunts, allowing him to indulge his imagination with some of the most incredible set-ups ever filmed. "Adrenaline-charged" would be an apt way to describe this harrowing car chase sequence, all the way up to the truly kooky ending in which the girls turn the tables on ol' Stuntman Mike. 

 The battered-print look disappears in DEATH PROOF's second half, as though we're now seeing another kind of exploitation flick--perhaps the more upper-scale stuff (GONE IN SIXTY SECONDS, VANISHING POINT, et al) that Kim and Zoë like to gush about. One thing that remains consistent throughout the movie, though, is Quentin Tarantino's well-known obsession with female feet. If you're a foot fetishist too, you'll love this movie from the very first frame, as this appears to be Tarantino's substitute for the gratuitous "boob shots" often seen in the usual grindhouse fare. 

There's also an abundance of big butts, gorgeous legs, and stuffed shirts, all lovingly photographed by a gleefully leering QT. Sydney Tamiia Poitier, in particular, proves a highly photogenic focus for such directorial indulgence. I'm not complaining. 

I have heard complaints that much of the girls' dialogue scenes in this movie are too ponderous and not as witty or clever as the "royale with cheese"-type stuff from PULP FICTION. Me, I just like to hear Tarantino's characters talk, even when it isn't all deliciously quotable. These long yakkity-yak scenes also help us get to know the characters before they're subjected to extreme terror and peril by Stuntman Mike. As the crazed highway stalker, Kurt Russell is simply wonderful. Relaxed, jovial, but somehow not quite right, Mike is a great character and Russell is obviously having a ball playing him. 

Tarantino has already wowed the mainstream with RESERVOIR DOGS and PULP FICTION--here he's content to give us old-time, pre-multiplex movie fans like himself a thoroughly entertaining thrill ride down memory lane in a souped-up exploitation flick with a defiant get-it-or-don't attitude. Like PLANET TERROR, the other half of this heartfelt love letter to grindhouse fans, DEATH PROOF doesn't need mainstream acceptance to validate it or make it good. It's critic-proof.

 

 

PLANET TERROR / DEATH PROOF -- Movie Reviews by Porfle

DINOCROC VS. SUPERGATOR -- DVD Review by Porfle

 Originally posted on 6/25/11

 

Roger Corman strikes again with another mutant monster fest that's actually a cut above the rest.  The rest, that is, of these bizarro beast brawls that the venerable producer has been churning out for the SyFy Channel lately.  While DINOCROC VS. SUPERGATOR (2010) never strives to be more than the addlebrained B-picture that it is, it's still better than the likes of SHARKTOPUS.  And, for once, the CGI is pretty darn good.

In his final film appearance, David Carradine plays Jason Drake, a shady millionaire who commissions some scientists to develop techniques for growing oversized food, then orders them to apply the same science to living animals so he can sell the results to the military.  Two of the results, a dinocroc and a supergator, escape from the secluded lab and gobble up all the scientists they can eat before heading off to more populated areas.  This opening sequence is pretty cool and lets us know right away that the SPFX in this movie aren't going to be all that painful to look at.  In fact, they're rather impressive at times.

Not so impressive are the acting and dialogue, but in a movie called DINOCROC VS. SUPERGATOR I don't exactly expect to see Sir Lawrence Olivier doing "Hamlet."  Carradine, who does most of his scenes lounging in a chair by the pool, is there to grab a paycheck and soak up the Hawaiian scenery.  Rib Hillis is adequate as crossbow-slinging tough guy "The Cajun", whom Drake hires to kill the escaped monsters, and Amy Rasimas is suitably plucky and hot as Cassidy, who is some kind of game warden or something so she gets to wear a skimpy uniform.
 


Corey Landis plays the role of FBI investigator Paul Beaumont, assigned to collect evidence against Drake, with an enjoyably light touch.  (His hideous Hawaiian shirt is a nice running gag.) I especially liked Lisa Clapperton as Drake's bad-girl assistant Victoria, a heartless hitwoman who likes to kill people.  Former Penthouse Pet and softcore sex film star Delia Sheppard appears as a scientist who escapes the initial carnage and tries to warn the world of the impending lizard attack.

It's all very tongue-in-cheek, with director Jim Wynorski (as "Jay Andrews") giving it all a dynamic visual quality that includes some really nice camerawork and a fairly brisk pace despite some draggy spots.  Shot mostly on the Hawaiian island of Kauai, the scenery is often spectacular and there's no shortage of bikini girls running around serving themselves up as reptile treats.  Quite a few people get eaten, in fact, including some mercenaries sent in by Drake to kill the escaped animals and finish off the surviving scientists.  Two of them have a dialogue exchange I found amusing:

"Man, I don't think I could stomach shooting civilians like that."
"Don't think of it as civilians.  Think of it as dollar signs."
 


In most shots the creatures' movements are relatively fluid and natural, and they seem to have weight and substance.  A sequence with the supergator chasing a speeding jeep down a dirt road (a la JURASSIC PARK) features some outstanding CGI and is just one of many effects scenes that I found particularly well-done for a film of this kind.  The final battle between dinocroc and supergator is handled nicely as well, although this title altercation comes as a brief, one-sided letdown.

The DVD from Anchor Bay is in 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen with Dolby Digital 5.1 sound.  Subtitles are in English and Spanish.  Extras include a laidback commentary track with Roger Corman and Jim Wynorsky, and the film's trailer.

Unlike some of the other films in this oddball sub-genre, DINOCROC VS. SUPERGATOR actually feels sort of like a real movie that you can enjoy without lowering your expectation level to rock-bottom.  Still, it never takes itself seriously enough to try and be anything more than what it is--a competently-made and fairly enjoyable junk film.    

DINOCROC VS. SUPERGATOR -- DVD Review by Porfle

Weird Transformation Scene In Fritz Lang's "Woman In The Moon" (1929) (video)

 

Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

 

 

Weird Transformation Scene In Fritz Lang's "Woman In The Moon" (1929) (video)

THE BRAIN FROM PLANET AROUS -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

 

 

 

Originally posted on 6/18/22

 

The Film Detective does it again with a nicely-restored special edition of the 1957 fan favorite THE BRAIN FROM PLANET AROUS, which looks way better now than most of us have ever had a chance to see it.

Of course, the scratchy old prints on my local station's afternoon movie show sufficed for me as a kid back in the 60s. While very low-budget and admittedly hokey at times, the film gave me chills back then and still delivers on sheer entertainment value for those of us who grew up on these lurid sci-fi/monster thrillers.

BRAIN boasts a solid cast, with genre stalwart John Agar as scientist Steve March, who stumbles upon strange radioactive signals coming from deep within a desert mountain. Robert Fuller plays Steve's assistant Dan, years before he would become a TV icon in such shows as "Laramie", "Wagon Train", and "Emergency." 

 

Joyce Meadows vividly plays Steve bride-to-be Sally, who grows concerned when Steve returns from the cave without Dan and displaying strange, frightening new personality traits (including a wildly increased libido). This is because he's been taken over by Gor, an evil alien entity bent on conquering the world.

While Gor's appearance has evoked laughter from many viewers over the years--he's basically a giant floating brain with eyes--I've always had a fondness for both him and his counterpart, a benign floating brain named Vol whose mission is to capture the criminal fugitive.

Whenever Steve's body is ruled by Gor, it gives John Agar a chance to display maniacal, homicidal villainy as never before, which he seems to enjoy despite the pain caused by a pair of silver-painted contact lenses designed to make his eyes glow.

It was this indelible vision, and not the floating brains, that gave me such shivers as a kid as Steve/Gor gleefully blew up passenger planes and fried hapless victims with that sinister glare.

The film is skillfully and econically directed by Nathan Juran (aka Nathan Hertz), whose eclectic career also included such diverse titles as THE SEVENTH VOYAGE OF SINBAD and ATTACK OF THE 50-FOOT WOMAN. Camerawork and lighting are particulary good, as is a rousing musical score by Walter Greene.

The disc from The Film Detective offers some nice featurettes (listed below) including a recently-shot tour of the film's outdoor locations with star Joyce Meadows, who also appears along with other guests in the commentary track by leading film historian Tom Weaver. Weaver also penned the illustrated booklet on the career of producer Jacques Marquette. Viewers of the film can choose between full-screen and matted widescreen.

Good production values, amusing dialogue, and a few actual chills are some of the reasons why THE BRAIN FROM PLANET AROUS should appeal to fans of low-budget 1950s sci-fi thrillers. For a film which, on first glance, looks like just another of those "so bad it's good" flicks, it's actually not bad at all.



THE BRAIN FROM PLANET AROUS

Retail Price: $29.95
Release Date: 6-21-2022
Runtime: 71 min.
Genre: Sci-Fi, Fantasy
Language: English
Closed Captions: English, Spanish
Color/BW: BW

SPECIAL FEATURES -

    Full Color Booklet with original essay by Author/ Historian Tom Weaver
    Full commentary track by historians Tom Weaver, David Schecter, Larry Blamire, and PLANET AROUS star, Joyce Meadows
    The Man Before the Brain: Director Nathan Juran - an original Ballyhoo Motion Pictures production
    The Man Behind the Brain: The World of Nathan Juran - an original Ballyhoo Motion Pictures production
    The film will also be included in a full frame format, 1.33:1
    Now including a special, all new, introduction by Actor Joyce Meadows!

THE BRAIN FROM PLANET AROUS -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

THE CREATURE WALKS AMONG US -- Movie Review by Porfle

(NOTE: Originally posted at Bumscorner.com.  CONTAINS SPOILERS.)

 

 Last posted on 10/3/09

 

With the passing of Frankenstein, Dracula, the Wolf Man, and the Mummy from neighborhood theater screens in the late forties, it seemed the era of the classic gothic monster movie was over. England's Hammer Films would eventually revive each of these monsters in one form or another, in brilliant color and with a shocking (for the 50s) amount of blood, violence, and sex, but before they did, Universal Studios (now Universal-International) still had one great classic monster character up their sleeves.

THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON (1954) introduced eager audiences to the "Gill Man", a human-fish hybrid that had somehow been left behind by evolution, who was forced to contend with a group of scientists invading his home in an isolated tributary of the Amazon river. After apparently being shot to death, the Gill Man sank lifelessly down into the dark depths, only to return a year later in REVENGE OF THE CREATURE. 

 

This time, he was captured and taken to a marine park in Florida, where more scientists tried unsuccessfully to domesticate him. But the Gill Man had no intention of joining "Flippy" the dolphin as a performing tourist attraction, so he escaped and wrought havoc along the Florida coastline until being tracked down and riddled with bullets yet again. A reprise of the previous film's ending, with the Creature drifting slowly toward the bottom of the ocean, brought another temporary end to his ongoing saga.

Finally, in 1956, U-I decided to resurrect the highly popular character for one last adventure, THE CREATURE WALKS AMONG US. It begins much like the first one, with yet another group of scientists setting out to track down the Creature, now residing in the Florida Everglades (this time, however, they're better organized, much better funded and equipped, and, as JAWS' Chief Brody would no doubt have advised, have a "bigger boat"). The leader of the expedition, wealthy and brilliant yet somehow not-all-there Dr. William Barton (a delightfully googly-eyed Jeff Morrow), is all a-titter about capturing the Gill Man and turning him into an air-breather (for reasons not all that logically explained), but is equally concerned that his young trophy wife Marcia (the lovely Leigh Snowden) has begun to slip from his rigid grasp and seek romantic fulfillment elsewhere. 

 

Handsome young Dr. Thomas Morgan (Rex Reason) is along to aid in the quest to capture the Creature, and also to share the focus of Dr. Barton's irrational jealousy along with Jed Grant (Gregg Palmer), a sex-obsessed wolf hired to help with the more dangerous aspects of the expedition but who is more interested in helping Mrs. Barton get horizontal.

The first half of the story is pretty slow going unless these various character interactions pique your interest (as they do mine). One early foray into the deep by Morgan, Grant, and Mrs. Barton does feature some nice Creature footage from the previous movies as he stalks and observes them from afar, but it isn't until about midway through the film that the first really good action takes place when the men set out in a motorboat with a sonar-tracking device and are attacked. 

 

First, the Creature smashes their floodlight, leaving them in the dark until they frantically light a couple of gasoline lamps. Then he leaps onto the boat and picks up the gasoline can in order to hurl it at them, accidentally dousing himself with the flammable liquid. Grant hits him with one of the lamps and the Creature goes up like a flaming torch. He retreats back into the water, but soon passes out from his third-degree burns and is captured.

 

Back on the boat, the Creature is bandaged and treated for his injuries by Barton and Morgan, who discover that not only does he have a more human-like secondary layer of skin underneath the scales, but also sports lungs capable of breathing air after a little surgical assistance -- fitting perfectly with Barton's goal of turning him into a land-dweller. When the bandages come off, the Creature's new look is revealed -- most of his fins and other identifying characteristics are gone, and his eyes have mutated to a more human appearance. But he's still a hulking, frightening monster. 

 

He escapes from the infirmary aboard the boat, interrupts a tender love scene between Grant and a less-than-willing Mrs. Barton, and plunges back into the water. No longer possessing gills, however, he begins to drown until Morgan dives in with an air hose and rescues him. At this point the Creature seems to realize that resistance is futile and becomes more docile.

Back on the mainland, the Creature (now crudely-garbed in a baggy outfit made of sailcloth) is transported by truck to a house in Southern California where he is enclosed within an electrically-charged fence. It is here that he begins to observe the volatile interactions between the supposedly more civilized humans -- Dr. Barton incessantly berating Marcia for being a "tramp", Grant horndogging after Marcia, etc. 

 

At last, Dr. Barton's jealousy gets the best of him and he murders one of the other men as the Creature watches, then drags the body into the cage to divert blame from himself. That does it -- Dr. Barton's uncouth behavior has finally gotten on the Creature's last good nerve, and he angrily rips the door off the cage and goes on a frenzied rampage through the house.

THE CREATURE WALKS AMONG US is considered by many monster fans to be the least of the three "Creature" films -- which, in fact, it probably is -- but I find it to be a worthy conclusion to the series. Not only is the conflict between the human characters interesting, but I think the idea of having the Gill Man transformed into an air-breather and placed among humans is a good one, and gives this third entry in the series a unique quality that was necessary for maintaining interest in a continuing saga that had already covered just about all the other possible story developments.

Technically, the film is just as well made as the first two, and the cast is fine, especially Jeff Morrow as the flaky Dr. Barton. Ricou Browning is once again on hand to ably portray the Creature in the underwater scenes, while the land-dwelling incarnation is handled this time by bulky character actor Don Megowan. Megowan manages to be quite expressive underneath the monster suit, using his eyes and body movements to convey the Creature's emotions ranging from anger to sadness. His final rampage through the house is the film's highlight, bringing to a fitting close not only this series but the entire Universal "classic monsters" era as a whole.

 

But it is at the very end of the film, when the Creature at last makes his way back to the water that is his home, that we best see him as the tragic figure he was always destined to be -- accosted by outsiders, taken forcibly from his natural environment, violated by cold science, and, finally, unable to return to the very water that had always sustained him.

THE CREATURE WALKS AMONG US -- Movie Review by Porfle

My Joy Harmon Music Video ("VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS", 1965) (video)

This is our musical tribute to the great Joy Harmon...

...who played Merrie in the cult classic VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS (1965).

She's also famous for her television appearances with Groucho Marx...

...and as the girl who washes her car in the 1967 Paul Newman classic COOL HAND LUKE.


Music: "More Than This" by Roxy Music 

Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

My Joy Harmon Music Video ("VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS", 1965) (video)

Solo Moe: Moe Howard's Non-3 Stooges Acting Roles #1 ("Space Master X 7", 1958) (video)

 

We all know Moe Howard as the scrappy leader of the Three Stooges.

But on his own, Moe was also a top-notch character actor.

Here he is stretching his acting chops as a hapless cab driver involved in a government crisis.

 

Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

 

Solo Moe: Moe Howard's Non-3 Stooges Acting Roles #1 ("Space Master X 7", 1958) (video)

LIQUID SKY -- Blu-ray/DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 4/15/18

 

 

I first saw Russian director Slava Tsukerman's 1982 avant-garde cult sci-fi classic LIQUID SKY back in the early 80s when it came out on VHS looking a heck of a lot cheaper and dingier than it does on Vinegar Syndrome's richly vivid new Blu-ray/DVD combo set (scanned and fully restored in 4k from the 35mm original negative and packed with special features).

Now, the film still looks low-budget but the talent and imagination that went into transcending that budget are allowed to shine through.  The visuals are a feast of 80s proto tech and economical cinematic imagination, all day-glo and neon and glam-punk and New Wave and ugly fashion and jaded cynicism set to robotic industrial music performed on a Fairlight. 

The setting is an urban milieu where sneering androgynous scarecrows get made up as though for Halloween so that they can express derision to either clicking cameras or their fellow drugged-out dance club denizens.

Our heroine, tall blonde beauty Margaret (co-scripter Anne Carlisle, CROCODILE DUNDEE, DESPERATELY SEEKING SUSAN), is one such model so disaffected by her lifestyle that any hint of normality now seems abrasively foreign.

Margaret is a victim not only of the lecherous men she invites back to her apartment simply because they have drugs--making her a victim also of her own flagrant self-destructiveness--but of the equally-violent, overbearing, profane, drug-pushing dyke Adrian (the great Paula Sheppard of ALICE, SWEET, ALICE) with whom she shares both a penthouse apartment and a sick, abusive relationship.

The main attraction of LIQUID SKY for me has always been Carlisle's exquisite dual-role performance as both Margaret and her nemesis, a preening male model named Jimmy with whom Margaret shares a mutual loathing.  Carlisle pulls off the feat of creating two intensely interesting and perversely compelling characters whose split-screen interactions are always utterly convincing and scintillating. 

But the weirdness really starts when tiny aliens land their spaceship on a nearby rooftop and start feeding off both the heroin-enhanced brainwaves of Margaret's visitors and also the chemical reactions caused by their orgasms, which proves lethal to them.  Thus, anyone who has sex with Margaret dies.

In this world the most appealing characters, for me anyway, are the more normal ones such as Margaret's older friend Owen, whose genuine concern for her makes him the first alien orgasm casualty, and Jimmy's indulgent single mother (to whom he is utterly dismissive except when begging for money) who lives nearby and is visited by an eccentric German scientist on the trail of the alien ship. 

It turns out her apartment window offers a fine telescope view of the tiny spaceship, giving her a chance to vainly try and seduce the man while he keeps an eye both on the ship and the lethal sexual activity going on in Margaret's apartment.  There's a mundane charm to their scenes that's a stark contrast to the infinitely stranger things going on elsewhere.

Meanwhile, our wacky nihilistic misfits continue courting death, a condition hastened by constant drug use--they live to snort and shoot up--and sexually-transmitted disease, upon which dwells much of the film's symbolism. 

Their casual cruelty to each other comes to the fore when they get together in the penthouse for one of their tacky, drug-fueled modeling shoots, during which Margaret's deadly new sexual side-effect will shock even these jaded louts of their curdled complacency in a big way.

LIQUID SKY is a low-key slice of wildlife that doesn't explode like THE FIFTH ELEMENT or mesmerize like 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY.  It's simply the story of an aimless New Wave waif named Margaret numbly wandering through a harsh world of hurtful people and some weird little aliens who help her by hurting them.  And watching it is like a dark but colorful carnival ride through a combination art gallery and spook house. 

TECH SPECS:Vinegar Syndrome/OCN Digital Distribution 
Genre: Cult/Science Fiction
Blu-ray/DVD Combo (2 Discs)
Original Release: 1982 Color
Rated: R
1:85:1
DTS-HD Master Audio Mono
Running Time: 112 Minutes (Plus 160 Minutes Special Features)
Suggested Retail Price: $32.98
Pre-Order: April 3, 2018
Street Date:  April 24, 2018

BONUS FEATURES:

Director’s introduction and commentary track
Interviews with Tsukerman and Carlisle
Alamo Drafthouse screening Q&A with Tsukerman, Carlisle and Clive Smith (co-composer)
“Liquid Sky Revisited” (2017), a 50-minute, making-of feature
Behind-the-scenes rehearsal footage
Never-before-seen outtakes
Isolated soundtrack
Alternate opening sequence
Photo gallery
Reversible cover artwork by Derek Gabryszak
Multiple trailers
English SDH subtitles

LIQUID SKY -- Blu-ray/DVD Review by Porfle

THE CYCLOPS -- Movie Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 10/19/09

 

One of my earliest movie-watching memories is sitting in my mom's lap in the livingroom while my older brother watched THE CYCLOPS (1957) on TV. When the monster, a giant man in a loin cloth with an ultra-hideously scarred face and one big, bulging eyeball, thrust his ugly mug into the mouth of the cave where the main characters were hiding and started roaring at them, it scared the ever-livin' crap outta me. At one point during this grueling ordeal of sheer terror, my mom tried to calm me down by saying, "Ohh, he's not scary...he looks like a funny clown." Well, he didn't look like a funny clown.

In 1993, I caught THE CYCLOPS again on TNT's Monstervision and watched it for nostalgia's sake, just to see what had been so traumatically frightening to me as a young tricycle motor. Back then, even the cheapest B-movie had a documentary realism to it, but now I could see THE CYCLOPS for what it was--a cheap, not-very-competently made schockfest with really bad special effects.

Fortunately, I taped the movie that night and watched it again today after all these years, and, strangely enough, I found it pretty enjoyable this time around. The always adorable Gloria Talbott of I MARRIED A MONSTER FROM OUTER SPACE fame plays Susan Winter, a woman who is determined to find her missing husband, Bruce, and hires a pilot named Lee Brand (Tom Drake, in a bit of a career comedown from his MEET ME IN ST. LOUIS days) to fly her into the isolated canyon in Mexico where Bruce disappeared three years earlier. Accompanying them on the expedition are Russ Bradford (James Craig), an old friend with romantic designs on Susan, and big-ape Marty Melville, who comes along only because he's heard the canyon is full of uranium and wants to get rich quick. Marty's a blustery, hair-triggered loose cannon, so it's fitting that the aging, alcoholic, unpredictable Lon Chaney, Jr. is cast in the role.

The film is written and directed by Bert I. Gordon ("B.I.G."), who loved to make cheap horror flicks about giant men (THE AMAZING COLOSSAL MAN, WAR OF THE COLOSSAL BEAST), women (VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS, a personal fave), and creatures (EARTH VS. THE SPIDER, KING DINOSAUR, THE FOOD OF THE GODS). He also seemed to have an affinity for really crappy special effects, because his movies are full of them. In this one, the Cyclops and other over-sized beasts that Susan and the boys run into are often transparent, and they rarely seem to blend convincingly into their surroundings.

There's a battle between an iguana and a gila monster in which you can see them being thrown at each other from off camera, then slowly turned over and over by their tails like rolling pins to make it look like they're locked in mortal combat. In one of the worst FX shots ever, a large, superimposed hand seems to close around Gloria Talbott, and then the entire picture, background and all, is simply whisked upward out of the frame to make it look like she's being picked up. You have to marvel at Gordon's wrong-way audacity here even as you shake your head in disbelief.

Meanwhile, the googly-eyed Chaney is so scary as "Marty" that he almost overshadows the Cyclops. During the flight into the canyon, he goes nuts when the plane hits an updraft and, in a blind panic, slugs the pilot out cold! Hilarity ensues as Russ struggles to restrain Marty, who doesn't know how to fly a plane, from taking over the controls while Susan frantically tries to wake up Lee.

Later, the totally selfish and mercenary Marty is so anxious to get back to civilization and file a claim on the valley that he is constantly harassing Lee to fly him back and leave Susan and Russ behind to fend for themselves against the giant critters. I think that if Gordon had just replaced the Cyclops with a screaming, 25-foot-tall Lon Chaney, Jr. stomping around in a loin cloth looking for a bottle of hooch, the movie would've been a hundred times scarier. As "skelton knaggs", a fellow member of the Classic Horror Film Board once put it: "When Lon Chaney throws on the ham, I can just smell dem eggs frying."

But as it is, the Cyclops is the main attraction here, and after all these years I still think he's a pretty cool monster. The makeup job by Jack H. Young, who worked on Margaret Hamilton in THE WIZARD OF OZ and would go on to other triumphs with such films as THE BROOD, APOCALYPSE NOW, and TV's SALEM'S LOT, is a real doozy. Actor Duncan Parkin had his head shaved and was given a gash of a mouth with half the flesh ripped away to reveal his teeth, a protruding bloodshot left eye, and a horrid flap of skin stretched over his other eye. The look is similar to the monster in Gordon's WAR OF THE COLOSSAL BEAST, and it would be hard to decide which is more disturbing--but I think the Cyclops has the edge for pure hideousness.

Renowned voice artist Paul Frees gives the monster a constant series of blood-curdling grunts, bellows, and growls, which was a big part of what scared me so much as a kid. Another unsettling element is the overwhelmingly aggressive musical score by the Luca Brasi of film music, Albert Glasser. As I mentioned in my review of THE NEANDERTHAL MAN, Glasser was the king of blatant, overbearing musical bombast that assaulted the listener like a caveman wielding a big gnarly club. Glasser only knew one gear--over the top--and he floored it. Just listening to his music alone could probably cause some people to suffer a panic attack.

The simple story takes a tragic turn as Susan and Russ make a startling discovery about the Cyclops. (You can probably guess what it is without expending too many brain cells.) When the group finally escapes from the cave and makes it back to the plane, the giant monster shambles toward them as Lee tries unsuccessfully to start the engine. As a last resort, Russ decides to draw his attention away from the others by offering himself as a target for the monster's wrath. What happens next will come as no surprise to those in any way familiar with Homer's "Odyssey."

Seeing the enraged Cyclops bearing down on our heroes brought back some residual childhood fears that still make it hard for me to be impartial about this movie--somehow, the big, ugly oaf still scares me while others might see him only as something to laugh at. But like I said, I still think he's a pretty cool monster. THE CYCLOPS is a movie that isn't nearly good enough to take seriously, but isn't bad in a totally "funny ha-ha" way like PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE or Gordon's schlock epic VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS. It's just a fairly, or maybe barely, decent grade-Z monster flick that is either a fun watch or a grueling bore, depending on your point of view. For me, it's a fun watch. But I still don't think that damn monster looks anything like a "funny clown."


(Thanks to Kerry Gammill for the "Cyclown" pic.)

THE CYCLOPS -- Movie Review by Porfle

WAR OF THE PLANETS -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

(NOTE: Since this review was first posted at Bumscorner.com in 2005, the film has undergone more name changes--from its original title of TERRARIUM to WAR OF THE PLANETS and, in the U.K., LOST VOYAGER and EXODUS.)


"What's it doing?  WHAT'S IT DOING?"
"It's devouring her, Robert."

After crash-landing on an unknown planet, a crew of space colonists awaken from suspended animation to find that a hairy, carniverous beast has entered the crippled ship and is breaking into their cryo-chambers one by one, dragging them away.  Unable to move until their bodies overcome the effects of their 15-year sleep, they are little more than a human buffet.  Or, as one of the characters aptly puts it:  "We're the goodies behind the glass."

Thus begins WAR OF THE PLANETS (2004), an extremely low-budget thriller (shot on 16mm) written and directed by Mike Conway, who also photographed, edited, and scored in addition to playing one of the astronauts.  The credits are filled with various other Conways and also reveal that several of the lead actors took part in set construction, camerawork, still photography, etc.  Sheila Conway, who plays "Nicole", doubled as one of the mysterious aliens that also inhabit the planet.

The beast, who resembles a man in a Halloween gorilla costume, returns every five hours or so for a fresh victim.  The helpless astronauts struggle to revitalize their long-dormant bodies between attacks by doing isometric exercises as each character takes advantage of the opportunity to fill us in on their backstories, which are pretty standard -- the captain lost his family while gaining the stars, Nicole's dreams were the ticket out of her small hometown, Kim entered the space program after "an overdose, a suicide attempt, and a stint in the psyche ward..."  (Okay, maybe they're not all that standard.) 

During these scenes the cast gets to act from the neck up a la Richard Dreyfuss in WHOSE LIFE IS IT, ANYWAY?, with varying degrees of skill.  None of them are really bad, though -- the performances range from passable to pretty good, and the characters are likable enough to sustain interest.

When the creature inevitably returns, there is a fair amount of suspense as the crew waits to see who is next on the menu.  Noticing that the first three victims have been women, and figuring that a colony bereft of females might be at a bit of a disadvantage in the procreation department, some of the men valiantly start thrashing around and hollering to attract attention to themselves.  

But suicidal Kim will have none of that, and screams:  "Leave him alone, Sasquatch!  Come and get me, you hairy bastard!" and "It's me you want, you son of a bitch!"  I won't reveal what happens next, but let's face it -- if you find yourself in a monster movie, perhaps those are not the best things to say to the monster.

Eventually, however, the survivors finally regain their motor skills and manage to put a locked door between themselves and the voracious beast.  Later they are able to subdue him as well, at the cost of more lives -- but an autopsy reveals that he hasn't been eating them after all.  So why did he abduct them one by one?  Where has he been taking them? 

The mystery deepens when the astronauts venture from the ship to discover that it is surrounded by an impenetrable glasslike barrier, and their night-vision goggles reveal strange alien beings creeping around in the darkness beyond.  The most likely conclusion reached by the captain and what's left of his crew is that they are the subjects of some ghastly experiment -- but at this point, the only thing they know for sure is that they must somehow escape from the barrier and strike back at the aliens with whatever means they have available. 

Obviously, it's reasonable to assume that a movie called WAR OF THE PLANETS might contain elements similar to films like WAR OF THE WORLDS or BATTLE OF THE PLANETS, with entire civilizations waging spectacular war against one another, but what it all boils down to in the end is this small skirmish between the space colonists and the aliens in a remote location near Las Vegas.  (The original title was TERRARIUM.) 

The filmmakers do their best with a very low budget (originally $27,000, but with added special effects reportedly donated free of charge by former STAR TREK:VOYAGER and BABYLON 5 visual effects artists who became fans of the movie during a two-week run at a Las Vegas theater!), and despite the cardboard sets, videogame-level special effects, an uneven cast of volunteer actors, and some unintentionally amusing dialogue ("Your hair looks the same whether it has cryo-fluid in it or not" "That's what they tell me"), it's sort of a fun movie to watch if you're in the right mood. But I'd suggest renting WAR OF THE PLANETS before adding it to your permanent DVD collection or presenting it to that special someone on their birthday.  It's no ROCKETSHIP XM.

Buy it at Amazon.com

Here's our two-part interview with Mike Conway:
Part One
Part Two

 

WAR OF THE PLANETS -- Movie Review by Porfle

Blade Runner (1982): Original "Happy Ending" Without Voiceover (video)

 

Those of us who first saw "Blade Runner" via the "International Cut" recall the end scene with Deckard and Rachel riding off into the sunset to a reprise of Vangelis' beautiful love theme.

While fond of this idyllic ending, I still found it to be marred by that version's clumsy, pedestrian attempt at a film noir voiceover which insisted on telling us what we were seeing ("Gaff had been there...and let her live").

Here, in all its splendor, is that scene without the needless voiceover.

 

Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

 

 

 

Blade Runner (1982): Original "Happy Ending" Without Voiceover (video)

Was "Star Trek: The Motion Picture" Inspired By "Lost In Space"? (video)

Star Trek's "V'ger" and Lost In Space's "Mr. Nobody" aren't that different.

In both stories, an all-powerful being yearning to evolve...

...achieves transcendence through love.

Both are reborn as newly self-aware space-dwelling energy beings.


("Lost In Space" Season 1 Episode 7 "My Friend Mr. Nobody", 1965)

I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

Was "Star Trek: The Motion Picture" Inspired By "Lost In Space"? (video)

Was "You Only Live Twice" Inspired By "Lost In Space"? (video)

The Jupiter 16 space capsule hijack scene in the James Bond film "You Only Live Twice" (1967)…

...bears a strong similarity to the Jupiter 2 hijack scene...

...in "Lost In Space" Season 1: Episode 2 "The Derelict" (1965).

(Watch them both and see if you agree.)

Coincidence? Or inspiration?


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

Was "You Only Live Twice" Inspired By "Lost In Space"? (video)

Did "Dr. Goldfoot" Beat "Bullitt" To The Car Chase? (video)

"Bullitt" (1968) is well known for its harrowing car chase through San Francisco...

...racing up and down those steep hills...

...and especially those dizzying point-of-view camera shots.

But another movie beat "Bullitt" to all of that by three years...

..."Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine" (1965)!


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

Did "Dr. Goldfoot" Beat "Bullitt" To The Car Chase? (video)

GENESIS II -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 10/26/09

 

 

Talk about a trip down memory lane...I don't think I've seen GENESIS II since it first aired way back in 1973. In those days we Trekkers went coo-coo whenever anything Gene Roddenberry-related was shown. After all, the original "Star Trek" was it--there were no movies, no spin-offs, no new episodes, nothing like the Trek glut that would come later. So the occasional failed pilot film from the Great Bird of the Galaxy would be aired, and we in our fervent Trek-fueled deliriums would wail: "Why? Why won't those idiots at the networks pick these up and make TV shows out of them? Why won't they ever learn?" Now, however, after a decades-long cooling off period and with considerably more hindsight, I can watch a Roddenberry pilot film like this and think, "Oh...so that's why."

Not to say, however, that watching GENESIS II isn't lots of fun in a nostalgic sort of way, because it is. For those of you who have never seen it--and who probably think it's the sequel to some movie called GENESIS--it's about a scientist (one of those handsome, action-guy scientists with a cool moustache, that is--not the boring, real kind) named Dylan Hunt (Alex Cord) who offers himself as the guinea pig in his own experiment in suspended animation which, if successful, will someday allow humans to travel great distances in space. But something goes wrong, and Hunt's pressurized chamber deep within Carlsbad Caverns gets buried during an earthquake. Dylan Hunt's experiment is a success, all right--he sleeps for 154 years, until he's discovered by people from the future.

They're a boring bunch, these members of the Pax group--a collection of pacifist, unisex intellectuals dedicated to restoring culture and civilization to a world ravaged by nuclear war. All, that is, except for the alluring and exciting Lyra-a (Mariette Hartley at her most alluring and exciting), who nurses Hunt back to health and then informs him that Pax is really an evil organization out to subjugate the weak and take over the world. She helps him escape Pax's Carlsbad Caverns headquarters and takes him via underground shuttle to her own city that's populated by genetically-superior mutants.

Yes, Lyra-a is half-mutant (Roddenberry always liked having a character who was half-something), meaning that she has two hearts and thus two navels. My main memory of GENESIS II from my younger days is Mariette Hartley casually stripping down to her undies to reveal her double navelage to Hunt (which was Roddenberry's revenge for not being allowed to show navels on "Star Trek") and announcing, "I'm a mutant." Hey, I was going through puberty--that sort of thing tended to stick in my mind.

Lyra-a's city bears a striking resemblance to the University of California campus (because the movie was filmed there) and is filled with snooty chicks and perfectly-coiffed guys who look like dungeon masters in a gay S&M club. ("Star Trek" alumnus Bill Theiss must've been watching ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW when he designed their campy costumes.) These butch dudes are none too subtle--their preferred method of keeping slaves in line is a rod (known as a "stim" because it stimulates pleasure and pain nerve centers) that springs erect (hello!) when activated (yeah, baby!)

Anyway, Dylan discovers that Lyra-a's people, the Tyranians (tyrants--get it?) are really the bad guys after all, and, along with some wimpy-looking Pax commandos, passes out a bunch of stolen stims to the slaves (who, for some reason, all have mall-hair) and leads a revolt. In a thrilling action sequence, the revolting slaves run around tackling mutants and poking them with their stims. Fist-pump!

Poor Liam Dunn pops up as one of the sniveling slaves in one scene, looking as though Mr. Hilltop from YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN has taken a really wrong turn somewhere. As for these Pax characters whose adventures we were supposed to want to follow every week, they're rather unlikable and I didn't have the slightest desire to hang out with them. (I'd never say that about the crew of the Enterprise. Except for Chekov.) They don't even believe in having recreational sex, for Pete's sake. Oh, I'm sure that, given half a season or so, Dylan would've eventually warmed up the dormant libido of cute little Harper-Smythe (Lynne Marta) with his manly 20th-century charms.

Percy Rodriguez is okay as their leader, and naturally Majel Barrett gets shoehorned in as a council member. You'll also recognize familiar character actor Titos Vandis as another good guy. The only really cool Pax dude is the great Ted Cassidy as "Isiah", and he looks embarrassed in the goofy wig and toga he's forced to run around in. As for Alex Cord, I'd forgotten what a dull actor he was. Thank goodness Mariette Hartley is still as hot as I remembered--I felt a little envious of her chamber slaves.

The Carlsbad Caverns headquarters of Pax looks pretty neat but has kind of an Irwin Allen vibe, although that underground shuttle is just plain awesome. There are some nice exteriors, too. But most of the interior sets are drab, and so is the photography by Trek vet Jerry Finnerman. John Llewellyn Moxey's direction is similarly uninspired.

Kind of like Homer Simpson banging on his TV and shouting "BE MORE FUNNY!!!", I can remember watching this back in the 70s and trying to will it to be better. The concept seemed pretty good, or at least it seemed like a way to make vaguely "Star Trek"-type stories on Earth instead of in space. The different countries which had evolved into strange, unknown civilizations since the big war would be kind of like alien planets...the sleek sub-shuttle that spanned all the continents of the world was sort of like the Enterprise...the Pax organization was a little like Starfleet...the sleep-dart guns were similar to phasers.

That is, if you really, really used your imagination. But wouldn't it be nice if Gene Roddenberry had used his imagination, so we wouldn't have to? That is, instead of coming up with something that was not only a bland rehash of "Star Trek", but pretty much a rip-off of "Buck Rogers", too? BANG BANG BANG--BE MORE GOOD!!!

Deep down, I knew that no matter how much I banged on my TV set, GENESIS II wouldn't be anywhere near as good as "Star Trek" even if it ever did became a series, which I also knew wasn't gonna happen any more than either SPECTRE or QUESTOR were going to become a series. "Is this it?" I thought at the time. "Was 'Star Trek' the whole load? No more goodies from the Bird?"

To make things worse, the film ends with the Pax leaders forcing action-guy Dylan Hunt to promise that, from now on, he'll never hurt or kill anyone. Somewhere along the line, Gene Roddenberry got the idea that totally non-militaristic and non-violent heroes would be irresistible to the viewing public. He even tried to retroactively convince us, and Paramount, that "Star Trek" had always been this way and that the upcoming movies should reflect this wonderfully pacifistic attitude. I don't know about you, but a bunch of non-violent wimps running around not hurting the bad guys isn't exactly my idea of action-packed thrills. (Harve Bennett and Nick Meyer didn't think so, either.) Besides, Captain Kirk used to beat the hell out of any green, scaly sucka who looked at him wrong!

The DVD is part of the Warner Archives Collection, in which films that would normally languish in their vaults are dusted off and burned to disc sans restoration. This means that the (1.33:1) picture and (mono) sound quality are about on the level of a late-night viewing on your local TV station. But since your local TV station shows infomercials now instead of movies like this, these no-frills DVDs are a nice way to be able to see obscure titles.

As a one-shot TV-movie that we were never in any danger of revisiting every week anyway, this attempt by Gene Roddenberry to get another sci-fi series on the air is still a novel experience for the old-school Trek fan or the young Trek-curious, and it's better than the follow-up, PLANET EARTH, with John Saxon. Less forgiving viewers will be tempted to rip into it MST3K-style. And even if you have fond, hazy memories of GENESIS II, don't be surprised if it disappoints.

 

 

GENESIS II -- DVD Review by Porfle

Janice Rand (Grace Lee Whitney) After "Star Trek: The Original Series" (video)

Grace Lee Whitney played Yeoman Janice Rand...

...in eight episodes of the original "Star Trek" (1966).

She would return as Rand seven more times in "Star Trek" movies and episodes both official and fan-made.

Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979)
Star Trek III: The Search for Spock (1984)
Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (1986)
Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country (1991)
Star Trek: Voyager/ "Flashback" (1996)
Star Trek: Of Gods and Men (2007)
Star Trek New Voyages: Phase II/ "World Enough and Time" (2007)

For Grace Lee Whitney (1930-2015)
 

 

Originally posted on 1/27/19

I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

 

 

Janice Rand (Grace Lee Whitney) After "Star Trek: The Original Series" (video)

TWIN SHATNERS: Five Different Ones (video)

If one William Shatner is good...

...then two William Shatners is great!

And we were treated to this at least five different times:


Star Trek: The Original Series, "The Enemy Within" (1966)

Star Trek: The Original Series, "What Are Little Girls Made Of?" (1966)

Star Trek: The Original Series, "Whom Gods Destroy" (1969)

"White Comanche" (1968)

Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country (1991)


Read our review of "White Comanche" HERE!




Originally posted on 12/29/19
I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

TWIN SHATNERS: Five Different Ones (video)

THE THREE WORST EPISODES OF "STAR TREK: THE ORIGINAL SERIES" -- by Porfle

Here's a rundown of the three WORST episodes of "STAR TREK: THE ORIGINAL SERIES" (as chosen by me) with commentary by a roundtable consisting of some of my distinguished Facebook friends.  (We talked about the three BEST episodes HERE.)

(Originally posted on 10/25/13) 

 

3rd worst "Star Trek: The Original Series" episode of all time--"The Way to Eden", aka "Space Hippies."

Charles Napier and Skip Homeier help make this one a real treat.  Skip plays a charismatic guru conning a bunch of futuristic flower children into thinking there's an Eden planet out there somewhere and they can reach it by hijacking the Enterprise. 

Before  that happens,  however, Spock tunes up the old Vulcan harp and jams with them in an impromptu musical concert that sounds like cats running around on a set of rusty box springs.  The "hippies" in this case are straight out of the DC Comics "Totally-Out-Of-It" notion of how hippies should look, act,  and, God help us,  speak.

    William J Ellingsworth: I want that guitar!
 
    Ruby Wolf: I always wondered where they got their hair bleach, Nair and make-up in space.
  
    Porfle Popnecker: Lucille Ball's "Desilu" studios had one of the worst makeup departments imaginable.

    Ruby Wolf: I know, right. Lucy came in as a redhead but by the time they finished with her, everyone was black, white and grey.
 
    Porfle Popnecker:  Florence Henderson tells of having to get made up for an audition at Desilu and ending up looking like one of "Mudd's Women."
  
    Richard Von Busack: Oh, my god! I can't wait to see this, knowing Napier is in it!  That's the smile of success!
 
    Porfle Popnecker: It does help make it one of the cooler "bad" episodes of a TV show.
 
    Ruby Wolf:  Looks like it was cold in there, too.

    Porfle Popnecker:  He was used to tweaking them for Russ Meyer before every scene.

    Paul Sanchez: I had Napier's same outfit back in my Vegas Disco days.

    Porfle Popnecker: I think he may be wearing it backwards.

    Paul Sanchez: I think SHE is wearing HERS backwards.

    Porfle Popnecker: Not according to NBC Standards and Practices she ain't!





2nd worst "Star Trek: The Original Series" episode of all time--3rd season opener "Spock's Brain."

(Pictured: Marj Dusay of the CBS soap opera "Capitol" feeds Kirk's femdom fantasies while a brain-free Spock waits for someone to jiggle his joystick.)

 The male and female members of this particular race live separately,  with the savage males (the Morg) roughing it topside and the childlike females (the Ey-Morg cared for in a comfortable underground complex by a brain-powered computer. 

Whenever this computer needs a new brain, the head female, Kara (Dusay), has a session with a helmet device called "The Teacher" (shades of FORBIDDEN PLANET), gains temporary intelligence, and goes off looking for a brain to steal.  Which, in this case, just happens to belong to our favorite pointy-eared Vulcan.
 

While not under the influence of "The Teacher",  these babes are pretty dense--"Brain and brain!  What is brain!"  Kara exclaims at one point as Kirk presses her for information.  He's barking up the wrong tree here.  Spock, meanwhile, is operated by remote control  like a toy robot until he can get his brain back.  Leonard Nimoy, not surprisingly, found the episode "embarrassing."

James Cole: But it's fun! Unintentional side-splitting humor!  "You are not Morg. You are not Ey-Morg! What are you?"

Porfle Popnecker: I love the way Shatner hogs the camera during their "pain" sequences.

Paul Sanchez: Not as much as he does in "Gamesters of Triskelion." [posts picture]
 


Porfle Popnecker: That's a great pic but I'd have to do a comparison.

James Cole: I actually used a cropped photo of the above for my profile pic!

Porfle Popnecker: It's classic Shatner.

Worst "Star Trek: The Original Series" episode of all time--"The Alternative Factor." 

With guest star Robert Brown ("Here Come the Brides") as "Lazarus."

Blah. Just...blah.

    Harcourt Mudd: Sitting around the break room, playing with the food replicator, and being disappointed there is no live gagh available. And you thought you could have it yourrrrrr way.

    Porfle Popnecker: Lazarus looks like he just smoked a space doobie in this pic.

    Nathan Baxter Simar: He's a late 60s mess.

    Nathan Baxter Simar: I am always struck by how blandly sterile the ship's interior sets were. Do people really live here?

    Porfle Popnecker: Well, it is sort of a science-military work environment. I always thought it was rather pleasant looking.

    Nathan Baxter Simar: It really grates on me. But, then, that's just me.

    Porfle Popnecker: I dig it. Now the first movie, THAT'S blandly sterile looking.

    Nathan Baxter Simar: Yeah, true. And too too disco-y.

    Porfle Popnecker: It looks like they're wearing pajamas inside a fish tank.

    Nathan Baxter Simar: I'd never thought of it that way, but that's a good way of describing it...

    Porfle Popnecker: Surprisingly, I like the J.J. Abrams Enterprise interiors except for Engineering, which is actually the interior of a Budweiser brewery.

    Nathan Baxter Simar: I have gotten to the point where I don't really see sci-fi ship interiors any more that grab me, like they used to when I was a kid and later as a young man.

    Porfle Popnecker:  I like most of them. ALIEN is a fave. And STARSHIP TROOPERS.
 
    James Cole: Absolutely agree. Worst. Episode. Ever. (Of TOS.) It's in part because a major subplot had to be cut and made the script too short - so they filled it with endless repeating shots of Lazarus running and falling and running and falling...

    Porfle Popnecker: Ugh, I'm starting to relive it now!

    James Cole: The episode always confused and bored me as a kid. It gives me a headache just thinking about it. Among its many faults: WHY DOES KIRK LET THIS RAVING MANIAC JUST WANDER THE SHIP BY HIMSELF?

    Porfle Popnecker: And you had to figure out which Lazarus you were looking at by keeping up with his Band-aid or whatever.
 
    James Cole: The editing was incomprehensible - and if you look closely, Lazarus's beard on the planet doesn't match how it looks on the ship. It's like twice as thick.

    Porfle Popnecker: The whole episode is twice as thick!
   
    Paul Sanchez: I kinda liked the basic concept, but yeah. the production of it was a mess.

    Paul Sanchez: And don't diss on ST:The Motion Picture. I love it. Those uniforms were the logical update from the TV show-- practical, yet comfy-- so sure, you could sleep in them too.

   Porfle Popnecker:  All that was missing was the footies!

   Porfle Popnecker: I actually have a much higher opinion of the first movie since the release of the Director's Cut on DVD.

   Paul Sanchez: Oh that cut is great. It all gels. Robert Wise had never made a BAD movie-- when allowed.

   James Cole: Friends of mine worked on the Director's Edition DVD. It's a far superior cut of the movie - it works great.

   Porfle Popnecker: And the addition of a countdown to self-destruct at the end adds some actual old-fashioned suspense like the original series had.

   Paul Sanchez: Porf's fave part is when Chekov gets an owwie and screams like a little girl.

   Porfle Popnecker: Yeah, that's the most thrill-packed moment in the whole movie.


Thanks to everyone who participated in this discussion!  You can check out the follow-up, "The Three Best-Ever Episodes of 'Star Trek: The Original Series'" right HERE!

 

THE THREE WORST EPISODES OF "STAR TREK: THE ORIGINAL SERIES" -- by Porfle