THE TITFIELD THUNDERBOLT -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 12/23/19

In 1953 England's Ealing Studios, specialists in folksy feelgood comedies, released their first Technicolor film THE TITFIELD THUNDERBOLT (Film Movement Classics). And in keeping with that colorful milestone, it's one of their most cheerful, exhilarating comedies ever.

Titfield is one of those small English villages that's right out of a storybook, with an easygoing, tightly-knit citizenry to match.  When the powers-that-be threaten to close down their little railroad between Titfield and an adjacent town, leaving the transport business wide open for an unscrupulous pair of bus operators, some of the plucky leading citizens of the town get together to acquire the railway themselves and keep it running.

These include the railway founder's grandson, Gordon (John Gregson, THE LONGEST DAY, SOS PACIFIC) and elderly vicar Sam (George Relph), a die-hard train enthusiast, who persuade well-to-do pub owner Mr. Valentine (Stanley Holloway, PASSPORT TO PIMLICO, IN HARM'S WAY) to finance the endeavor with the promise that he can operate a traveling bar on the train that can stay open all hours of the day and night.

But even with the financing and resources all settled, there's still the matter of getting approval from the railway authorities, who will be sending an inspector in one month's time to assess the train's worthiness.

This gives bus owners Alec Pearce (Ewan Roberts) and Vernon Crump (Jack MacGowran) time to pull every dastardly trick in the book to wreck the budding railway's chances, even if it means wrecking the train itself.

Thus, the stage is set for one of the liveliest and most action-packed comedies to come out of England in the 50s.  Some of the bits of business in and around the Thunderbolt are worthy of Buster Keaton, at least in terms of cinematic enthusiasm and a sense of unbridled ebullience. 

We get some good old "will they make it there in time" suspense during the exciting climax in which everything seems to go wrong while the inspector is aboard, thanks to the never-ending attempts at sabotage from Pearce and Crump.

Not only that, but we're also treated to a few stunning setpieces including a runaway locomotive steaming through the streets of town and a thrilling derailment in which the model work is first class.

Enriching the experience even more is a top-notch cast giving very likable performances, including Hugh Griffith (WHAT?, BEN-HUR, EXODUS) as a crusty old former engineer constantly jostling with vicar Sam to see who gets to drive the train. 

The lush, verdant, pastoral setting and relaxed atmosphere of Titfield mirrors that of John Ford's similar-looking THE QUIET MAN, released a year earlier, with happy villagers evincing a sense of solidarity and togetherness which extends to their cooperative efforts to help keep their beloved railway going themselves.

The presence of Jack MacGowran playing yet another simpering toady is an even further tie to Ford's film, in which he served the same role (as "Ignatius Feeney") to Victor McLaglen's blustery bully. 

And the direction by Charles Crichton (A FISH CALLED WANDA, THE LAVENDER HILL MOB) and script by T.E.B. Clarke (PASSPORT TO PIMLICO, THE LAVENDER HILL MOB) suffer not a bit in comparison.

Most of all, THE TITFIELD THUNDERBOLT is an endearingly optimistic, benignly human story whose warmth and genuine humor are matched by a gorgeous, almost fairytale setting. And it will henceforth be on my short list of movies to reach for whenever I need a bit of cheering up.


Buy it from Film Movement


Tech Specs

1953
84 Minutes
United Kingdom
English
Comedy, Classics
Not Rated
Sound: Mono
Discs: 1

Blu-ray Features

Making The Titfield Thunderbolt featurette
Cinematographer Douglas Slocombe Home Movie Footage
The Lion Locomotive featurette
Locations featurette
Douglas Slocombe on Charles Crichton audio interview
The Titfield Thunderbolt original trailer
Stills gallery

THE TITFIELD THUNDERBOLT -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

SIN IN THE SUBURBS (1964) -- Movie Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 12/8/18

 

SIN IN THE SUBURBS (1964) is writer-director Joe Sarno continuing to come into his own as a filmmaker who takes the genre of naughty, softcore sex potboilers and invests it with an unusual dramatic heft and interesting characters who trade dialogue that's sharp and fun to listen to.

Not to say that the obligatory sleaze and tawdriness of such films are missing here--it's the sort of world Sarno's characters exist in, whether they be conniving lowlifes using sex for gain or well-to-do hypocrites posing as model citizens while indulging forbidden sexual perversions behind closed doors.

The term "when the cat's away" really fits this normal-looking 60s suburb in which lonely, sex-hungry wives, feeling neglected by their working husbands, have it off with various neighbors, workmen, or, in the case of Mrs. Lewis (Audrey Campbell, THE SEXPERTS), her teen daughter Kathy's high school friend.

Meanwhile, we see local sex-bomb Yvette lounging around the house in lingerie and paying the furniture bill by seducing the collector.  Yvette lives with her supposed "brother" Louis (W.B. Parker), and together they're hatching a scheme to start an illicit sex club which they hope will have frustrated neighbors shelling out hundreds of bucks for.

What starts out a bit like a sex comedy (the bill collector guy is funny) soon veers toward the dramatic as the sexual vortex so many of the characters seem caught in starts to spin out of control.  Lisa, left alone while husband Henry is at work, starts guzzling booze and luring abusive workmen into her home. Mrs. Lewis has daytime swingers' parties with friends in her own house, one of which is walked in upon by a her shocked daughter Kathy.

Kathy, it seems, has the wildest life of them all when she's molested by her would-be boyfriend and then seduced into a hot lesbian affair with Yvette. Judy Young plays her with just the right balance between still just a kid and becoming a troubled, sexually-confused young woman.

It's almost the stuff soap operas are made of, but it's all so edgy (for its time) and starkly compelling that we're constantly transfixed by what's going on and eager to see what happens next.  Sarno's evolving as a director with an instinctive talent for staging interesting shots and bringing out the best in his cast.

The story content is strictly adults-only for 1964, with elements such as adultery, attempted rape, lesbianism, and other sensitive subjects that were still taboo.  It feels like we're watching something on the shady side, getting a voyeuristic glimpse at these desperate sinful lives.

Sarno's screenplay goes beyond simple sexploitation and builds to an emotionally jarring ending after one of Yvette and Louis' illicit sex parties, which is staged remarkably and with lasting effect.

Sarno's black-and-white photography is crisp, noirish, and constantly interesting to look at.  The print used for Film Movement's Blu-ray edition is very good, even with the occasional scratches, specks, etc. which, for me, give it a nostalgic feel that recalls the well-worn prints we used to see at the local theater or on late-night TV.

Having just watched the original Star Trek episode "I, Mudd" the night before, I was surprised to see the actor who played the android "Norman", Richard Tatro, as the dangerous guy Lisa foolishly opens her front door to.

Yvette is played by none other than Dyanne Thorne (billed here as Lahna Monroe) of "Ilsa, She-Wolf of the S.S." fame, looking almost unrecognizable with her jet-black bouiffant hairdo. The film's one bit of actual nudity is a fleeting glimpse of her bare breasts.

SIN IN THE SUBURBS ends with a shadowy, poignant shot that looks like it might be straight out of early David Lynch.  And with it continues my fondness for Joe Sarno's exquisite black-and-white early films, which are unlike anything else I've seen.

Read our reviews of other Joe Sarno films HERE

SIN IN THE SUBURBS (1964) -- Movie Review by Porfle

BEYOND A REASONABLE DOUBT -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 12/7/09

"Why," asks the tagline for 2009's BEYOND A REASONABLE DOUBT, "would a man frame himself for murder?" Hmm--because he's stupid? Or maybe because he's an ambitious young TV-news reporter who wants to prove that a big-shot district attorney, in a bid to become the next governor, has been planting DNA evidence to help him win high-profile murder cases?

If you chose either of those possibilities, you get a cigar. Jesse Metcalfe (LOADED, JOHN TUCKER MUST DIE) plays C.J. Nicholas, the boyish newshound with the half-baked scheme to have himself charged with the brutal murder of a prostitute with the help of his cameraman, Finley (Joel Moore). With an industrious fervor, they plant just about every bit of fake evidence necessary to have the cops come knocking at C.J.'s door with a warrant, led by the always likable Orlando Jones as Detective Ben Nickerson. Stupid mission accomplished!

But before you can say "oops", the DVD evidence needed to clear C.J. of the charges and prove district attorney Mark Hunter (Michael Douglas) guilty of evidence tampering is destroyed. Cut to our brilliant reporter on death row awaiting his execution by lethal injection. Can you say "duh"?

But wait--as chance would have it, C.J. has been romancing Hunter's pretty assistant, Ella (Amber Tamblyn, "Joan of Arcadia"), and she embarks on a little Nancy Drew action to try and clear his name. But Hunter's onto her, and sics his burly bad-cop henchman on her. Will she live long enough to save the day?

A remake of the 1956 film noir directed by Fritz Lang, this low-grade thriller by writer-director Peter Hyams (THE STAR CHAMBER, OUTLAND, 2010), which was filmed in Shreveport, Louisiana, is little more than a mildly-interesting way to waste an hour and a half. Hyams rushes us through the plot as though he's afraid to linger on anything for more than a few seconds, making it impossible for us to really get to know these characters or invest any emotion in them.

This is reflected in the choppy, hyper editing, which bombards us with way too many different shots and camera angles even in the slower scenes. Major story points and exposition are often revealed by on-the-spot TV reporters covering the trial, making us feel as though we've missed whole scenes. This kind of hurried-along, shorthand storytelling gives the film a flat, distant feeling that is in evidence even in the love scenes between C.J. and Ella, which are perfunctory at best, and drain much of the suspense from the courtroom scenes themselves, which should have been the film's high point. Murky cinematography and sound, along with one of master film composer David Shire's least effective scores, also fall short of the mark.

The story comes to life during its action and suspense sequences. Hyams delivers a rousing chase scene in the first half, with a frantic Finley racing to get to the courtroom on time with the evidence to clear C.J. as Hunter's crooked cop pursues him with intent to kill. Another chase in a parking garage has the bad guy trying to run down a fleeing Ella--there's a really neat shot of her cowering against a pillar as he does doughnuts around her in his car. In a less frenetic scene, Ella tries to steal some restricted files from a police computer before the cop in charge returns and catches her, generating some mild Hitchcock-style suspense. Here, the editing serves the film well for a change.

Metcalf and Tamblyn do what they can with their underwritten characters, but we never have more than a superficial interest in them. Douglas, of course, can make the most of material like this without breaking a sweat, and it's a shame his character wasn't fleshed out more--it would've been interesting to see him given more to do. As it is, he advances the plot and that's about it. On a positive note, none of the actors attempts one of those comically fake-sounding Southern accents that one sometimes hears in these Louisiana-based productions.

The DVD from Anchor Bay is in 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen with Dolby Surround 5.1 and English and Spanish subtitles. Extras include a commentary with Hyams and Metcalfe, and two brief (less than four minutes apiece) featurettes. One is a making-of promo, "The Whole Truth--The Making of 'Beyond a Reasonable Doubt'" and the other, "Criminal Forensics--The Burden of Proof" features an ex-cop discussing how crime-scene evidence is collected and processed.

It's hard to sink your teeth into BEYOND A REASONABLE DOUBT--it's like sitting down to a steak dinner and being served a bowl of Jello. You might even be a little amazed at how rushed the story's resolution is, although just when you think it's over, there's a nifty twist right before the fadeout that almost makes the whole viewing experience worthwhile. It's too little too late, but I liked it.

 

BEYOND A REASONABLE DOUBT -- DVD Review by Porfle

VOODOO BLACK EXORCIST -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 5/23/17

 

It sounds like they put all their eggs-ploitation elements into one basket with the title VOODOO BLACK EXORCIST (aka "Vudú sangriento"), but this wonderfully awful 1974 Euro-horror potboiler, now available on Blu-ray from The Film Detective, is actually pretty short on exorcism (there isn't any) and black people (two of them are actually white actors in dark body makeup). I guess VOODOO WHITE NON-EXORCIST just didn't have the same ring to it.

They didn't skimp on the voodoo, though--the opening flashback sequence, which is revisited several times throughout the film, was filmed in real Caribbean locations such as Jamaica and Haiti, and there's a frenzied voodoo ceremony during which the beautiful Kenya (Eva León) is beheaded.  After everyone tosses her noggin around like a beach ball at a rock concert, her lover Gatanebo (Sergio Leone regular Aldo Sambrell) is entombed alive as punishment for their illicit love. 

Kenya turns up again centuries later, reincarnated (sans body makeup) as Silvia, assistant and mistress to archeologist Dr. Kessling (Alfred May).  As fate would have it, the newly-unearthed mummy they're traveling with via cruise ship is none other than the undead Gatanebo, who not only stalks the ship killing descendants of those who buried him alive, but discovers his lost love right there on board with a new identity and complexion.

 

It's pretty much a shipboard retelling of THE MUMMY but with voodoo instead of Egyptian curses.  The buff, bald, and now inexplicably Caucasian Gatanebo passes for normal most of the time but occasionally reverts back to mummy form with a makeup job that resembles crinkled papier-mache', whereupon he either murders people or pokes them with his golden asp-ring to make them his slaves. 

He kills a bartender descended from the man who beheaded Kenya, then leaves the guy's head on Silvia's pillow for her to find, Godfather-style, when she wakes up.  (He's like a cat bringing home a dead mouse to its master as a present.)  Later, he intercepts a visiting professor at the airport in order to assume his identity, squishing the poor sap under a steam roller.

Production values for this low-budget Spanish effort are fair to poor--direction and camerawork are slipshod at best (but with the odd flash of style now and then), the script is half-baked and filled with howlers ("In infinite time, what must happen happens"), and much of the acting and dubbing are below par.  SPFX and makeups are fake-looking but fun, including some man-to-mummy (and vice versa) transformations.

The Caribbean locations are nice, and the cruise ship is actually at sea during the on-deck exteriors, adding much to the film's ambience.  (Is it just me, or does the recurring island musical theme sound just like the first bars of "Ferry Cross the Mersey"?)  Animal lovers will find the killing of an actual chicken during the voodoo ceremony distressing.

The cast of characters can be a real hoot, especially an excitable lady named Mrs. Thorndyke who reads cards and tells the future (her visions about what's happening aboard the ship are totally accurate yet nobody takes her seriously).  Some of the exchanges between her and henpecked husband Alfred are hilarious:

"Alfred! I would like to get a sarcophagus like this to rest in eternally."
"I'll do my best, honey."

There's also an exotic dancer who's the very definition of "overripe" (I mean that in a really good way) constantly being courted by a world-famous hamburger tycoon, and a portly police inspector who makes like he's Hercule Poirot by deducing that since the first murder occurred at sea, then the culprit must be someone on board the ship.  "It's a shame," he opines after the hamburger guy is killed.  "The best hamburgers in the world."

After more mindnumbing mayhem, the finale has the inspector and his dangerously callow assistants tracking the mummy and the kidnapped Silvia to a cave where they manage to cause more chaos than they avert, leading to a startlingly abrupt ending that slams a sarcophagus lid on the whole shebang. 

The Blu-ray from The Film Detective is widescreen with an aspect ratio of 2.35 and Dolby digital sound.  English captions are available.  No extras.  The film itself is "in HD with a brand new 2K scan from a rare 35mm archival print.”  The picture quality is likely the best this film has seen since the 70s, although there's still a lot of blemishes here and there which I assume couldn't be helped. 

To be fair, many will find this film about as boring as...well, actually being a mummy.  But for those hardy souls who seek out bad movies to willingly subject themselves to, VOODOO BLACK EXORCIST may prove as pleasantly entertaining as it is woefully inept.



Release date: May 23, 2017

(Stills used are not taken from the Blu-ray disc)

VOODOO BLACK EXORCIST -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

Amazing Hospital Dance Sequence From "Freak Dance" (2010)(video)

 

Here's a rousing scene from a movie we reviewed back in 2010, which parodies those big dance numbers from Hollywood musicals aimed at "hip" young audiences. You can read our original review HERE.

Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

Amazing Hospital Dance Sequence From "Freak Dance" (2010)(video)

GIANT FROM THE UNKNOWN -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 12/14/20

 

One fan's cheesy low-budget monster mash is another fan's treasure.  Film Detective has taken a prime example of this, director Richard Cunha's 1958 debut feature GIANT FROM THE UNKNOWN, and served both kinds of fans (including those of us who are both) with a crisp, finely-rendered restoration.

Filmed mostly on location in the rugged mountains and forests of southern California, this is the tale of a monstrous Spanish conquistador named Vargas who wakes after being frozen alive in solid rock for centuries and goes on a rampage that leaves ravaged bodies both animal and human in his wake.

Played by 6'6" actor Buddy Baer (FAIR WIND TO JAVA, QUO VADIS, AFRICA SCREAMS), brother of famed boxer Max Baer, the armor-clad behemoth sports a fearsome visage created by former Universal makeup maestro Jack Pierce and swings a deadly battle ax.

While the local sheriff (cowboy star Bob Steele, later to be a regular on the TV classic "F Troop") tries to solve the mysterious murders, archeologist Wayne Brooks (Ed Kemmer, THE SPIDER, "Space Patrol") heads into the wilderness with fellow explorer Dr. Cleveland (Morris Ankrum, ROCKETSHIP X-M, EARTH VS. THE FLYING SAUCERS) and his beautiful daughter Janet (Sally Fraser, WAR OF THE COLOSSAL BEAST, IT CONQUERED THE WORLD, THE SPIDER), where their search for ancient relics brings them frighteningly face to face with a live one.

As they inch closer to the truth behind the recent murders, Vargas follows up his killing of more townspeople by setting his sights on Janet.  This will eventually bring every able bodied man in town into the hunt for the monster, who uses his fierce strength and cunning to fight them off. The film climaxes with a furious confrontation between him and the vastly outmatched Brooks.

 

For fans of low-budget movies, this is a fascinating opportunity to observe Cunha's handling of his meager resources and limited experience (before this, he'd done mainly commercials, industrial films, and the like), and a solid cast composed largely of film veterans doing their best with an often awkward script, to turn in what is a professional-looking effort that entertains despite a slow pace and some dull spots.

Technical aspects are well-handled, with photography and camerawork especially good. Composer Albert Glasser turns in his usual wildly bombastic score. Pierce's makeup mastery creates a monster who resembles a huge stone Golem, with Baer using his wide, glaring eyes to good effect. 

 

The Blu-ray from Film Detective is a 4k transfer from the original camera negative. Bonus features include a commentary track by noted horror/sci-fi film historian and author Tom Weaver which also includes comments by Cunha and others involved in the film. There's also an illustrated booklet with additional information and trivia. Several other features are listed below.

Fans of Cunha's other films such as FRANKENSTEIN'S DAUGHTER, SHE DEMONS, and MISSILE TO THE MOON will likely find this relatively modest but nicely-done effort of great interest. While B-grade at best, and only moderately exciting, GIANT FROM THE UNKNOWN nevertheless remains one of those minor gems from which appreciative genre fans can derive a special kind of pleasure from watching.

 

Order it from Film Detective


Retail Price: $24.95
Release Date: 1-19-2021
Runtime: 77 minutes
Genre: CULT CLASSIC, DRAMA, HORROR
Language: English
Color/BW: BW

Also available in DVD and red-label Blu-ray

 

BONUS MATERIALS:

Audio Commentary with Author/Historian Tom Weaver and Guests; 

Audio Commentary with co-star Gary Crutcher; 

'YOU'RE A B-MOVIE STAR, CHARLIE BROWN' - An all-new interview actor/screenwriter Gary Crutcher; 

'THE MAN WITH A BADGE: BOB STEELE IN THE 1950'S' - An all-new interview with author/film historian C. Courtney Joyner; 

Collector’s booklet with still gallery and liner notes by Tom Weaver; 

Original Theatrical Trailer

GIANT FROM THE UNKNOWN -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

GHOST HUNTERS INTERNATIONAL SEASON ONE: PART 1 -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 5/20/10

I get scared walking down the dark hallway to my bathroom at night...especially after I've been watching something scary on TV.  So, needless to say, I only watched SyFy's GHOST HUNTERS INTERNATIONAL SEASON ONE: PART 1 in the daytime.  At first, anyway.  Eventually I got to where I was watching it later and later at night.  Not that it isn't spooky, because it is, but it isn't freak-me-out spooky.

This show is a spin-off of SyFy's "Ghost Hunters", and, according to some fan comments I've read, the new team is comprised largely of rejects from that and other shows.  I can only go by what I've seen here but in some cases I wouldn't doubt it.  (More on this later.)  Unlike the USA-bound "Ghost Hunters", the international version takes us to some truly fascinating locations around the world, where the supposed hauntings can date back several centuries.  This set focuses largely on the UK, in addition to scenic places such as Romania, Germany, and New Zealand, where the team gets to nose around in an awe-inspiring assortment of gloomy castles, citadels, and other medieval haunts.

After establishing the ghostly history of a location and setting up their equipment in the most likely spots, it's "lights out."  Imagine going to some of the scariest places on earth and creeping around in the dark all night, actually trying to wake the dead--I kept thinking, "What the hell's wrong with these people?  Are they nuts or what?"  There's a definite vicarious thrill to watching such a thing, imagining how it would feel to be chasing ghosts in Frankenstein's castle or hearing the growl of a devil dog in some pitch-black subterranean dungeon. 

Team leader Robb seems capable and level-headed enough, though a little humor-challenged and stiff.  Second lead investigator Andy refers to himself as the main debunker for the group, and due to his small size is often called upon to climb around precarious places or shinny through creepy crawlspaces with an admirable willingness.  In addition to coordinating the missions, these two meet with the caretakers of each location they explore and present them with the "evidence", or lack thereof, that they gather along with their pronouncement of whether or not a convincing case has been made for an actual paranormal presence.  (Those with a financial interest in the location's tourist-appeal are often visibly disappointed by a negative finding.)

The fact that Robb and Andy are as intent on discerning logical explanations for various anomalies as they are in declaring them "paranormal" adds to the show's credibility.  In one episode, the mysterious recurring aromas of cigar smoke and port wine are discovered by a hair-dryer-wielding Andy to be emanating from the furniture itself whenever it's warmed by the sun.  Strange noises, lights, and other unexplained events are often determined to be caused by any number of mundane things.  Entire segments of GHI, in fact, can consist more of debunking ghosts than encountering them, which some viewers may find boring despite the show's efforts to squeeze dramatic moments out of every creak, bump, shadow, chilly draft, tingly feeling, etc. 

Science guy Barry, an outgoing Irishman with a really bad soul patch, heads up the evidence evaluations.  He also tends to display the classic "feets don't fail me now" reaction to sudden ghostly activity.  Bantam rooster Brian is the "tech guy" in charge of the equipment, but his most notable trait is his confrontational style when dealing with spirits.  During their investigation of an opera house in New Zealand in which the architect is said to have committed suicide, Brian struts around like a twitchy street punk while shouting things like "Your theater sucks!"  I'm thinking that this may be one of the reasons Brian disappears from the show somewhere around episode nine.  His gangly, spikey-haired replacement, Dustin, known for wearing his visor cap upside-down and backwards, tends toward the dorky side but is less abrasive.

Case manager and local-history researcher Donna takes the opposite approach, settling in and spending forever gently and patiently asking questions such as "Do you like to knit or crochet?" to potential entities.  In one episode, this drives the jumpier and less-patient team member Shannon to fake Donna out by reaching around and banging on the wall behind her, leading to the show's first really classic "reality TV-drama" moment--Donna complains to Robb about Shannon's frivolous lack of devotion to their solemn mission and bad blood forms between the two which won't be resolved.  After a couple more episodes in which she clearly appears uncomfortable to be there, Shannon disappears from the show, leaving a triumphant Donna as Queen Bee until an unfortunate reoccurrence of Crohn's disease forces her to drop out.

While the team gathers reams of footage from both video and heat-sensitive cameras, we see little or nothing of the shadowy forms that often have them bug-eyed and breathless.  Most of the evidence comes from their ultra-sensitive sound recorders, which sometimes pick up what could be interpreted as human speech in response to their repetitive questions.  Occasionally a digital photo will reveal something that resembles a face if you use your imagination (which the team tends to do).  Needless to say, watching actual paranormal investigators methodically going about their jobs ain't quite the same as it is in POLTERGEIST.

Little in the way of conclusive evidence is ever found, although it's fun to watch the ghost hunters' reactions to what they call "personal experiences" such as being touched or hearing disembodied footsteps.  (The night-vision camera, which makes them all look like goggle-eyed albinos, gives everything an added element of eerieness as well.)  And the historic locations themselves, including the actual castle in which much of the silent horror classic NOSFERATU was filmed, are fascinating to explore under such ominous conditions.

The 3-disc DVD set from Image Entertainment has an aspect ratio of 1.33:1 with Dolby Digital stereo.  Discs one and two contain four episodes apiece, while disc three has the remaining three episodes and over an hour's worth of deleted and extended scenes.  The packaging is a tad inconvenient, as the discs are stacked on one hub and secured in place by a removable screw.  There are no subtitles or closed-captioning.

Hardier souls who laugh at the thought of ghosts and go traipsing around in dark, spooky places as though it were nothing will probably regard all of this with a derisive chuckle while simply enjoying the scenery.  But if the very idea of real-life hauntings chills your blood as it does mine, then GHOST HUNTERS INTERNATIONAL SEASON ONE: PART 1 should give you a pretty hefty case of the creeps. 

 

GHOST HUNTERS INTERNATIONAL SEASON ONE: PART 1 -- DVD Review by Porfle

DEFYING GRAVITY: THE COMPLETE FIRST SEASON -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 1/21/10

 

When I first heard of DEFYING GRAVITY: THE COMPLETE FIRST SEASON (2009), I wondered--how in the world could a sci-fi show with such a great premise get cancelled during its first season? After seeing all that there is of the show--and, apparently, all there ever will be--I'm at a loss to explain why the hell it didn't catch on with viewers.

Creator James Parriott's premise is pretty intriguing, with a crew of four men and four women embarking on a trip around the solar system in the Antares, a massive ship that looks like an updated version of the "Discovery" in 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY. The plan is for them to touch down on seven planets during their journey, but what they don't know yet is that they'll also be seeking a number of mysterious glowing, living objects that have suddenly started communicating with a similar object found on Earth, known as "Beta." The initial attempt by the International Space Organization (ISO) to retrieve the first object, "Alpha", from Mars resulted in a failed mission and two stranded astronauts.

Maddux Donner (Ron Livingston, OFFICE SPACE, "Band of Brothers") and Ted Shaw (Malik Yoba), two surviving astronauts from the ill-fated Mars mission, find themselves among the Antares crew because Beta seems to want them there. Beta, in fact, appears to be pretty much in charge of everything, exerting its influence to manipulate the crew selection process and every step of the voyage later on. While in deep space, certain crewmembers begin having bizarre hallucinations based on traumatic incidents in their past. The closer they get to their first destination, Venus, the more Beta seems to be wielding total control over the mission's outcome as the beleaguered astronauts try to deal with situations that increasingly make no sense.


Each of the series' thirteen episodes shifts from the present mission to past incidents from the grueling selection and training process, with the subplots complimenting each other according to various themes. What I initially feared would be a bunch of contrived soap opera nonsense turned out to be rich character interaction that contributes to the emotional impact of the overall story arc. (Much of it is still soap opera, but damn good soap opera.)

Romantic entanglements and other dramatic developments have meaning beyond the usual titillation; the astronauts and their Earthbound allies, including two married couples separated by millions of miles, are portrayed as believable three-dimensional characters that we get to know and whose interactions we care about. In particular, veteran astronaut Donner and fresh-faced hopeful Zoe Barnes (the beautiful Laura Harris of SyFy's MERLIN AND THE BOOK OF BEASTS) have a complicated and increasingly touching relationship that becomes the emotional core of the entire season.


As sci-fi, DEFYING GRAVITY is a fascinating and plausible extrapolation of where the space program might be in fifty years, with beautiful set design and special effects that are both convincing and awe-inspiring. The premise--a mysterious alien race seemingly leaving guideposts for an evolving human race to follow to the stars--is reminiscent of 2001, but without the pessimistic outlook or the robotic humans who appear to have reached an evolutionary dead-end. And while the metaphysical stuff is consistently compelling, the show could exist without it as a straight, non-fantastical view of the future of space exploration. The way these two sensibilities are skillfully intertwined makes for some riveting viewing.

The show has a large cast and all are very good in their roles. Livingston makes a great flawed hero, with Harris endlessly appealing as Zoe. Other crewmembers include: Jen Crane (Christina Cox), a biologist whose husband was removed from the crew at the last minute; Nadia Schilling (Florentine Lahme), the hot-blooded German pilot who can't keep her hands off Donner; Steve Wassenfelder (Dylan Taylor), a clumsy, overweight physicist with no idea why Beta wants him on the mission; Dr. Evram Mintz (Eyal Podell), ship's doctor and psychologist whose old war wounds run deep; and Paula Morales (Paula Garcés), the landing vehicle pilot who finds her faith in God tested as the mission grows more and more bizarre.

The cast also features several key characters on Earth too numerous to mention, including duplicitous mission control chief Goss (Andrew Airlie) and Karen LeBlanc as Eve Weller-Shaw, the woman who first discovered Beta and remains inextricably linked to it.

Everyday life on the Antares is depicted in realistic fashion while the increasingly supernatural elements become downright creepy at times. SPFX are consistently convincing. The season climaxes with the Venus landing and its potentially disastrous outcome as the landing vehicle touches down far beyond safe walking distance to the "object" while one crewmember, driven by what seems to be yet another baffling hallucination, embarks on a suicidal course of action. The last moments of this episode--and thus the series itself--are quite moving. But the voyage is far from over and there are many loose ends, which is frustrating.

The four-disc DVD set from 20th-Century Fox is in 1.78:1 widescreen with English Dolby Digital 5.1 sound and English, French, and Spanish subtitles. The eight episodes that were actually aired are followed by the five unaired ones (I still can't believe this show got whacked mid-season). Disc four's extras include the featurette "Mission Accomplished--A Look at 'Defying Gravity'", several deleted scenes, and a photo slide show.

Really good TV sci-fi like this doesn't come along every day, and the fact that there will be no more episodes of this outstanding series is highly regrettable. Would it have maintained such a high level of interest as the story developed further during the rest of their six-year mission? I guess we'll never know. DEFYING GRAVITY: THE COMPLETE FIRST SEASON is a richly rewarding blend of soap opera and sensawunda, and it left me wanting more.
 

 

DEFYING GRAVITY: THE COMPLETE FIRST SEASON -- DVD Review by Porfle

GHOST HUNTERS ACADEMY -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 1/17/13

My first experience with this franchise was the DVD set "Ghost Hunters International Season One: Part 1", which was pleasant enough except that in the first few episodes it looked like they were aiming to include the usual reality TV-type interpersonal intrigue, back-biting, etc. rather than straight ghost-hunting, which I feared would get old fast.  Thankfully, they dropped that angle early on.

Unfortunately, GHOST HUNTERS ACADEMY jumps into all that with both feet and wallows around in it.  Image Entertainment's 4-disc DVD collection of this two-season spin-off series (2009-10), which lasted for only twelve episodes, is the standard elimination-style competition (a la "Survivor") in which contestants for a spot on "Ghost Hunters" are not only evaluated for their performances after each session but goaded into revealing who they think should be given the axe at episode's end.

It's like "Ghost Hunters" with a mean streak, with host-instructors Steve Gonsalvez and Dave Tango--mere second stringers on the main show--coming off like a couple of bullying, know-it-all doofs who have suddenly been given too much authority.  They seem to thrive on putting the earnest, nervous contestants on the spot and making them sweat ("WHY did you place a camera where NO VISUAL ACTIVITY has been reported?  WHY?") or lavishly berating them for not performing to their own elevated standards. 

Familiar locations are revisited, such as Eastern State Penitentiary in Philadelphia, Shawshank Prison, the creepy Waverly Hills Sanatorium, Colorado's Stanley Hotel (the inspiration for Stephen King's "The Shining"), and, my favorite, the Buffalo Central Terminal where the indy horror flick PRISON OF THE PSYCHOTIC DAMNED was shot.  The investigations seem rather cursory this time, however--there's no reveal to the site's host, only a caustic evaluation by Steve and Tango of the contestants' grievous failings. 

In fact, it occurred to me somewhere around episode five or six that there hadn't been a single convincingly paranormal event in the entire series thus far, besides those in "Ghost Hunters" flashbacks.  The episode titles themselves tell the story, pointing out the emphasis on personal drama rather than eerie encounters: "Web of Deceit" (referring to one contestant's failure to disclose her psychic abilities), "The Honeymoon's Over", "Back to Basics", "Drama Queen", "The Blame Game", and so on. 

Episode seven introduces a new group of hopefuls and a slightly new format in response to what were probably less than stellar ratings.  TAPS (The Atlantic Paranormal Society) co-founder Jason Hewes comes on to help whip the show into shape and the "cadets" as they're called seem more down-to-business.  But the "Survivor" template is adhered to even more closely, with everyone dishing the dirt on everyone else as bad feelings and grudges are encouraged. 

This second stage of the series does seem to get a little more into the "spirit" of the investigations, so to speak--there seems to be a bit more paranormal hoo-hah going on in these episodes.  But there's also a lot of boring down time, with a giggling Steve and Tango playing practical jokes on the contestants that are ostensibly meant to "test" them but come off mainly as simple pranks of the kind that are an anathema to this kind of show.

It's almost disheartening to hear the contestants' interview segments in which they speak excitedly about joining the GH team and becoming bonafide paranormal investigators, only to see them get bogged down in this superficial show's uninteresting machinations.  (The fact that we already know the second season's winner--since he's a part of the regular "Ghost Hunters" team already--eliminates much of the show's suspense as well.)
 
The 4-disc DVD set from Image Entertainment is in 1.78:1 widescreen with Dolby stereo sound.  No subtitles.  Disc four consists of several deleted and expanded scenes. 

There's no joy or catharsis when the final winner of GHOST HUNTERS ACADEMY is announced, only the feeling that we've just been through a lot of unpleasant rigamarole for nothing.  With the lack of paranormal activity throughout most of these episodes, you also get the distinct impression that the spirits themselves didn't consider the series worth showing up for.

Buy it at Amazon.com

GHOST HUNTERS ACADEMY -- DVD Review by Porfle

SHERLOCK -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 2/23/22

 

For over a century, authors and filmmakers have been unable to resist rethinking, revising, and generally screwing around with Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's classic master detective Sherlock Holmes.  Even the silver screen's gold standard Holmes, Basil Rathbone, found himself transplanted from Victorian-era London into the middle of World War II in order to apply his peerless deductive skills toward fighting the Axis.  Over the years Holmes has met Sigmund Freud and Jack the Ripper, battled invading Martians, and exposed his private life for all to see.

While many of these updates are respectful of the original material, some are mere gimmicks designed to spoof or sensationalize.  But the three-part BBC-TV series SHERLOCK (2010), which places Holmes and the redoubtable Dr. John H. Watson squarely in the 21st century with the rest of us, is no gimmick.  Rather, it's an exhilarating opportunity for the celebrated sleuth and his loyal sidekick to engage a whole new world of mysteries.

Indeed, this Sherlock would fit comfortably into any time period.  He's not a fish out of water--his dynamic, self-contained character resists the need to be "updated" save for the modern detecting tools of which he readily avails himself.  Of course, he still has his violin, not to mention his problems with certain controlled substances.  The shag pipe has been replaced by nicotine patches, and instead of a journal, Watson records their adventures in his blog.
 

Holmes' rivalrous sibling Mycroft is here as well, now a member of the British government's inner circle and played very amusingly by Mark Gatiss.  Needless to say, the shadowy presence of a certain Moriarty hovers over it all.  Each episode is beautifully directed and shot, with inventive scene transitions and a fine musical score by David Arnold and Michael Price.  The scripts are replete with crackling dialogue and bits of business which convey the spirit of Doyle's original characters and stories in loving detail.  With all the familiar pieces falling into place in such a satisfying manner, SHERLOCK is a deep, delightful wallow in Holmesiana.

It took about half a minute for the wonderfully-named Benedict Cumberbatch to win me over as Holmes.  We first find him in the morgue, furiously laying into a corpse with a riding crop to assess the bruises.  Blithely unaware that a smitten attendant named Molly Hooper (Loo Brealey) is coming on to him, he responds to her timid invitation to coffee with a curt "Black, two sugars please, I'll be upstairs" before dashing off to the laboratory.  This leads directly to the fateful meeting between the two odd ducks, Holmes and Watson (Martin Freeman), both seeking a roommate as in the first chapter of the original Holmes novel, "A Study in Scarlet."  (This premiere episode is similarly titled "A Study in Pink.") 

Noticing Watson's crutch, the inquisitive Holmes asks, "Afganistan or Iraq?"  Watson, as in his initial incarnation, has been wounded both physically and mentally in the war and spends his days in therapy, but we get the feeling his unhappy life is about to get a lot more interesting.  "We don't know a single thing about each other," he says dubiously when Holmes takes it for granted that they'll be flatmates.
 

Fans know exactly what's coming next.  Our shared anticipation is rewarded when the droll, almost insanely perceptive Holmes casually reels off much of Watson's life story, based on simple observation, without missing a beat.  It's a marvelous scene, establishing his eccentric character beautifully with a few exquisite strokes.  Before long, both are ensconced in the familiar surroundings of 221B Baker Street, fussed over by their dear old landlady Mrs. Hudson (Una Stubbs).

"When the police are out of their depth, which is always, they consult me," he boasts when Detective Lastrade (Rupert Graves) of Scotland Yard summons him to the scene of a mysterious suicide.  Holmes invites Watson along as a medical consultant, thus beginning their grand collaboration.  A series of apparent self-poisonings has Scotland Yard baffled, and it's up to Holmes to figure out why unrelated Londoners are killing themselves with identical poison pills for no apparent reason.  This adventure will eventually lead him into a riveting battle of wits with the most unlikely of opponents.  

With a frustrated Lestrade constantly calling upon Holmes for help, the two bear a resemblance to Batman and Commissioner Gordon.  Which is fitting since, after all, Batman was partly based on Holmes in the first place.  (Maybe that's why the otherwise useless Robin was invented, to serve the Watson role of sounding board and appreciative audience to "the world's greatest detective.")

A clever convention that appears frequently is the use of floating text to show us not only what's popping up on various cell phones (Holmes prefers texting to talking) and other sources, but also lets us in on what's running through Holmes' mind as he riffles through various visual clues.  This way, he doesn't have to constantly explain everything to Watson for our benefit, and we get to see his thought processes in real time as he gathers and assesses information at lightning speed.

In the second episode, "The Blind Banker", Holmes sniffs out a racket involving stolen historical artifacts smuggled in from China and sold at auction.  When two of the smugglers are found dead in classic "locked room" scenarios, the killer's trail leads to a scary Chinese criminal cult that eventually gets their hands on our heroes.  While this episode gets slightly bogged down in procedure at times, there's plenty of exotic atmosphere, great character byplay, and a keenly suspenseful finale.

The third and last story of the season, "The Great Game", is an utter joy from start to finish.  It begins with Watson returning to the flat to find Holmes shooting bullets into the wall out of boredom, followed by that famous exchange in which Holmes reveals he doesn't know that the Earth goes round the sun.  Such information, he explains, isn't necessary in his work, and, in contemporary terms, he likens his brain to a hard drive from which all extraneous data must be deleted. 

The plot involves a mad bomber who communicates with Holmes through hostages who are wired with explosives and forced to read their captor's text messages aloud over the phone.  With only hours to solve each of the killer's mysterious puzzles and rescue the hostages one by one, the pace is frantic and the action non-stop, culminating in a final revelatory scene that should have Holmes fans in paroxysms of geek bliss. 

Do we ever get to see the big "M"?  Yes.  I won't go into detail, but the eventual face-to-face encounter between the world's greatest consulting detective and the world's greatest criminal mastermind is a sensational pay-off to all the build-up, and scintillating as hell.  (The words "You complete me" came to mind during their verbal sparring.)  It ends in a cliffhanger which, in a way, reminded me of a certain story called "The Final Problem."

The 2-disc DVD from Warner Home Video and BBC contains all three feature-length episodes (270 minutes total) in a 16:9 aspect ratio and Dolby Digital 5.1 stereo.  Subtitles are in English.  Episodes 1 and 3 contain cast and crew commentaries.  Other bonuses include a making-of featurette, "Unlocking Sherlock", and the original hour-long pilot which was later expanded and reshot to become "A Study in Pink."
 
Do I recommend SHERLOCK?  It's all I can do to keep from coming over to your house and forcing you to watch it with me.  This is intoxicating stuff for Holmes addicts, and I can't wait to see what's next.  In the words of the modern-day Sherlock: "The game is on!"

SHERLOCK -- DVD Review by Porfle

THE LONGEST YARD -- Movie Review by Porfle

(This review originally appeared online at Bumscorner.com in 2007. Warning: may contain spoilers.)

I just fished a copy of THE LONGEST YARD (1974) out of the budget bin at Wal-Mart. Sometimes you actually do find buried treasure in those big piles of dreck. This time I was able to get one of the greatest sports movies ever made (some call it the best football movie of all time) for five-and-a-half bucks.

Thanks to the release of the Adam Sandler remake, which I haven't seen yet (so far, so good), we have the original now in a special "Lockdown Edition" complete with two featurettes and a commentary track featuring Burt Reynolds and producer Albert S. Ruddy (THE GODFATHER). The commentary is relaxed, enjoyable, and informative, and slows down only when the two participants get caught watching the movie and forget they're supposed to be talking about it.

Burt stars as Paul Crewe, a disgraced former NFL quarterback who has a nasty breakup with his sugar mama (Anitra Ford) and, after leading the cops on a high-speed chase in her stolen car and then resisting arrest, ends up in a Florida prison in the middle of a swamp.

The stiff-arsed Warden Hazen (Eddie Albert) turns out to be a football fanatic who has arranged to have Crewe sent to his prison to help shape up his semi-pro team that is composed of the prison's guards, in exchange for an easy sentence. But this makes the captain of the team and head guard Captain Knauer (Ed Lauter) jealous, and he warns Crewe to refuse the warden's offer or suffer heapin' helpings of physical abuse. Crewe turns the warden down, and gets beaten up anyway.

After some horrific experiences on swamp detail and a stretch in the "hot box", Crewe gives in to the warden's request. But Hazen has a new plan in mind--Crewe will get together a team comprised of prisoners which will play a "tune-up" game against the guards. This easy victory will bolster the guards' confidence and make them more ready to take on the task of winning the championship of their division.

Crewe initially sees no chance of making a dent against the guards' team with the ragtag group of misfits at his disposal, but as the guards continue to heap abuse and indignity on the prisoners at every turn, he eventually begins to entertain the notion of actually beating and humiliating them and the warden in front of a crowd of spectators. All he has to do is overcome the prisoners' intial dislike for him, and entice the more hesitant ones with the promise of being able to get physical with the guards.

Burt Reynolds in his prime was a really good actor who could be suitably intense while often allowing a dry, self-mocking sense of humor to to permeate his demeanor. Much of the script, written by Tracy Keenan Wynn from a story by Ruddy, was intended to be straight drama until Reynolds and his castmates started playing around with their characters and making things more interesting and fun. But the humor never detracts from the seriousness of the situations, and the result is a story that can be enjoyed on both levels at the same time.

Crewe's best pal and manager of the prisoners' team, The Mean Machine, is the resident scrounger, Caretaker (James Hampton), who can get anything for anybody in the joint, including getting them laid. Hampton is one of the finest character actors in the business--his most recent high-profile role was as Dr. Jerry Woolridge in SLING BLADE--and deserves a lot more recognition than he's gotten over the years. Trouble is, as opposed to guys like Marlon Brando or Sean Penn who make great acting seem like a hernia-inducing ordeal, Hampton makes it look easy. Which is why he's so good.

The rest of the cast is pretty awesome as well. Eddie Albert was utterly convincing whether playing a sleazy suit-and-tie sadist like Warden Hazen or the lovable Oliver Wendell Douglas of "Green Acres." Ed Lauter as Captain Knauer is another fine character actor whose consistently good performances add to whatever he appears in. "Dick" Kiel, yet to make a big splash as "Jaws" in the James Bond series, is funny as one of the prisoners. Other fine supporting players include Charles Tyner, Sonny Shroyer ("Enos" of TV's "Dukes of Hazzard"), Harry Caesar, Michael Conrad ("Hill Street Blues"), Mike Henry, and an incredibly bee-hived Bernadette Peters ("You ever find any spiders in there?" Crewe asks her) as the warden's sex-starved secretary.

Several former pro football players such as Ernie Wheelwright and Ray Nitschke are on hand as well for added authenticity. This really pays off during the big game, which takes up almost 45 minutes of screen time. The plays are real--director Robert Aldrich (THE DIRTY DOZEN, FLIGHT OF THE PHOENIX) simply filmed these guys playing grungy, hard-ass football and picked the footage that fit the script. No namby-pamby pretend tackling or "acting" here. One of the joys of THE LONGEST YARD for the sports fan is that, for the most part, this is real football played by real football players. The staged stuff which occurs here and there only adds to the excitement and hilarity of the situations, especially when Crewe comes up with a way of eliminating the scariest member of the competition, Bodanski (both onscreen and off--Ray Nitschke wasn't screwing around) with a forward pass to the groin, not once but twice. Various clotheslines ("I think I broke his f***ing neck!" Kiel's character rejoices), pile-ups, sucker punches, and other highly-unsportsmanlike activity also add to the fun.

The suspense is heightened when Warden Hazen, aghast at the sight of his guards losing to the convicts, makes Crewe a halftime offer he can't refuse--throw the game, or do hard time in prison for roughly twenty extra years. Crewe, always the type to look out for number one, must decide whether to give in or sacrifice himself for the sake of his teammates, whom he has given the chance to earn some dignity and self-respect for a change. And head guard Knauer, after seeing the warden for the slimeball that he is and gaining a grudging respect for Crewe, will soon be forced to make a decision of his own, which may include blowing Crewe's brains out.

If you love good movies, football, Burt Reynolds, big ugly sweaty guys rolling around in the mud, or all of the above, then THE LONGEST YARD is a film that should definitely be on your must-see list. Like I said, I haven't seen the Adam Sandler remake so I don't know how they compare, but I'm willing to bet that one of them will be remembered as one of the greatest football films ever made when the other is little more than a dim memory. I'll let you decide which is which.

THE LONGEST YARD -- Movie Review by Porfle

FORGET ABOUT IT -- Movie Review by Porfle

(This review originally appeared online at Bumscorner.com in 2006.)

After suffering through FORGET ABOUT IT (2006), that's exactly what I wanted to do.  It's advertised as being "from a producer of AS GOOD AS IT GETS and JERRY MAGUIRE", but he must've been lost in the shuffle since IMDb lists about twenty executive, associate, and co-producers with their fingers in this pie.  Maybe they just wanted a lot of people around to share the blame.  Anyway, they should've gotten the producer of GET SHORTY instead, since that's the kind of movie this one desperately wants to be.

Michael Paloma plays a portly wiseguy named Nitti who steals four million dollars from Don Giovanni (also Paloma, doing a bad Brando impersonation) and disappears into the witness protection program.  He's relocated to a desert resort community in Phoenix, Arizona, where his new neighbors are retired oldster pals Sam, Carl, and Eddie (Burt Reynolds, Robert Loggia, and Charles Durning).  Before long, they stumble upon Nitti's buried stash and start living it up along with their gal pal, former Vegas showgirl Christine DeLee (Raquel Welch), until the wiseguy gets wise. 

In one sequence, the three geezers visit a nudie bar and throw wads of cash around, gaining the full attention of all the girls and angering some faux bikers who feel left out.  As we've already learned from ARMAGEDDON, there's always a gang of faux bikers who get mad when you throw too much money around in a nudie bar.  But not to worry, because these are three tough old coots and they beat up the bikers.  Really, it's just as funny as it sounds.

Meanwhile, a Mafia hit squad led by tough-guy Richard Grieco and a duo of greedy FBI agents with the hots for each other are zeroing in on Nitti's location, and we just know that when all these various characters converge it's going to be a real melee.  Not a funny melee, though--just your standard unfunny melee.  I don't think anything funny actually occurs during this entire movie, except maybe the parts where Burt and Raquel perform "Dueling Facelifts." 

If you're one of those people who shout "Oh, boy!  Richard Grieco!" you may enjoy the parts that he's in.  Fan fave Tim Thomerson shows up again (he seems to be doing that a lot lately) as one of them cowboy-hat-wearin' car salesmen.  There's even a brief, thankless cameo by legendary comedianne Phyllis Diller, who probably wished she were back doing a crappy Bob Hope comedy instead.  Guys like Bob Hope knew how to make crappy comedies that looked pretty good and were sorta funny.  Even some of today's lowest-budget indy filmmakers are turning out comedies better than this with far less resources and no big names.

Technically, FORGET ABOUT IT is subpar in every respect.  BJ Davis directs it with less finesse than one of those comedy specials that Don Adams and Don Rickles used to churn out.  The camerawork and lighting are dreary.  Even the editing is bad--shots are stacked on top of each other like Jenga blocks, and with each new scene comes yet another blast of overbearing music to convince us of how funny it is.  There's a shootout at the airport in the closing minutes that actually might've been slightly cool if that awful music weren't there to pound it into the tarmac.

None of the lead actors really put much into their characters, and you can hardly blame them.  Burt coasts on his usual comedy persona at its most casual.  Raquel, still lookin' good despite the obligatory surgical enhancement, isn't going for an Oscar here.  The fine actor Charles Durning seems lost most of the time in a role that doesn't give him much to do besides look old.  For his part, Robert Loggia tries to put some spark into this clunky story, which is no less than you'd expect from the only man alive tough enough to challenge Ben Gazzara as King of the Universe.

All in all, this has got to be one of the lamest comedies I've ever seen, and I've seen AT LONG LAST LOVE.  It makes DELTA FARCE look like a Marx Brothers film.  If you happen to spot FORGET ABOUT IT lurking on a video store shelf my advice is to do exactly what the title suggests.  I wish I could.

FORGET ABOUT IT -- Movie Review by Porfle

AGATHA CHRISTIE POIROT: SERIES 1/ AGATHA CHRISTIE POIROT: SERIES 2 -- DVD Reviews by Porfle

Originally posted on 1/26/12

Having been introduced to the British ITV series "Agatha Christie Poirot" through some of the later feature-length episodes, I was surprised to find the earlier seasons (circa 1989-90) of this long-running show to be faster-paced, funnier, and much lighter in tone--in general, more fun.  Not to disparage the more darkly dramatic ambience of the post-2000 ones, which are superb entertainment in their own right, but I like this lighthearted and mischievously sly side of Poirot much better.

The first ten one-hour episodes are collected in AGATHA CHRISTIE POIROT: SERIES 1, beginning with "The Adventure of the Clapham Cook" (which features a brief appearance by a young Danny Webb of ALIEN 3 fame).  Here, we're first introduced to Poirot's associate Captain Hastings (Hugh Fraser), a hale fellow with a boyish enthusiasm for things like automobiles and cricket.  Hastings isn't too quick on the uptake, at least not alongside a genius like Poirot, but he's good at following people, tackling escaping suspects, and serving as an appreciative audience for the vain Poirot's feats of deduction. 

Also on hand is Poirot's prim and efficient secretary Miss Lemon.  As played by Pauline Moran, she's made up to look just plain enough to render her strangely sexy, despite the fact that her character is as properly straitlaced as can be.  In Poirot's office-apartment in a magnificent old hotel complex, the three frequently engage in breezy banter that's often more fun than the mystery plots themselves.  This early incarnation of Poirot, unlike his later self, delights in playfully teasing his associates and exercising his exquisitely dry wit at their expense.

David Suchet's portrayal of the title character is, as always, absolutely impeccable.  His Poirot is an unwavering obsessive-compulsive who's fastidious, fussy, finicky, and mortified at anything that's out of place in his well-ordered world.  This, along with the sheer joy he derives from solving puzzles using his beloved "little gray cells", is what compels him to make right the wrongs that he encounters through his often desperate clients.  Another impetus is his friendly rivalry with Chief Inspector James Japp (Philip Jackson, also seen only in the early seasons of the show), a doggedly by-the-book cop who is continually baffled by Poirot's unconventional deductive skills.

"Murder in the Mews" begins with Poirot's infuriating battle with a Chinese laundry over the amount of starch in his collars and progresses to include a puzzling locked room murder made to look like a suicide.  In "The Adventure of Johnnie Waverly", the parents of a small boy are warned in advance that their son is going to be kidnapped at a particular time and place, which happens despite the presence of several police and Poirot himself.  "Four and Twenty Blackbirds" concerns the suspicious deaths of two estranged brothers within a short time of each other.

"The Third Floor Flat" finds Poirot's little gray cells atrophying during a long stretch between cases, until a murder in his own hotel has him sizing up all the various suspects as only he can.  "Triangle at Rhodes" benefits from gorgeous location photography with a vacationing Poirot getting drawn into the murder by poisoning of a woman whose husband is infuriated by her infidelity with another guest.  Another vacation, this time on board a cruise ship, is marred by a "Problem at Sea" when a wealthy but thoroughly unlikable woman is found stabbed in her cabin with the door locked.  Everyone including the woman's henpecked husband seems to have a strong alibi, giving Poirot a particularly challenging mental workout. 

"The Incredible Theft" is steeped in pre-WWII intrigue as a woman suspected of being a Nazi sympathiser is accused of stealing the plans for a new fighter plane in order to pass them along to German agents.  Old movie fans should get a kick out of "The King of Clubs", as a tyrannical studio boss is murdered in his mansion and the main suspect is a popular actress with whom he's been known to be at odds.  One of the perks of this episode is the use of an old-style glass shot during a soundstage scene, while another is the appearance of a young Sean Pertwee as the brother of the accused actress (Niamh Cusack). 

Finally, "The Dream" has something of an "Avengers" vibe as a crotchety old meat-pie tycoon complains to Poirot that he keeps having a recurring dream of committing suicide in his office at a particular time.  When he actually does just that, and at the precise time of his dream, Poirot finds himself with a real puzzler.  Joely Richardson guests as the man's daughter, while Alan Howard delivers a marvelously theatrical performance as the abrasive old coot.

Each story is bathed in the nostalgic glow of an old magazine illustration, with finely-rendered production design (art deco fans will be in hog heaven) and ideal locations lending an exquisite period atmosphere to every scene.  Direction is first-rate as are the uniformly excellent guest performances.  Unlike the denser and sometimes meandering plots of the later "Poirot", these episodes are briskly uncomplicated and easy to follow in addition to featuring much delightful character interplay that will be missing (and missed) when Poirot becomes a more solitary and stern character later on.  Captain Hastings and Chief Inspector Japp in particular are the perfect uncomprehending foils for Suchet's brilliant Poirot.

The three-disc DVD set from Acorn Media is in 4:3 full screen with Dolby Digital sound and English subtitles, with the titles newly remastered and in the original UK broadcast order.  There are no extras.  (Also available in a two-disc Blu-Ray version.)

Continuing right where season one left off is AGATHA CHRISTIE POIROT: SERIES 2, with nine more mysteries on three discs.  "Peril at End House" guest stars Polly Walker (PATRIOT GAMES, CLASH OF THE TITANS) as a beautiful heiress whom Poirot meets while staying at a Cornish resort.  The young woman's stories of a rash of recent life-threatening mishaps leads Poirot to believe that someone is trying to kill her, especially when a stray bullet zips through her bonnet as they're chatting by the seaside.  This story boasts some really nice twists and turns along with an appearance by Paul Geoffrey (EXCALIBUR, WUTHERING HEIGHTS). 

"The Veiled Lady" finds the portly detective helping another enchanting young lady, this time a blackmail victim imploring him to recover an incriminating letter.  A highlight of this adventure is Poirot and Hastings becoming cat burglars as they break into the blackmailer's house to conduct a search which results in their being arrested by none other than Chief Inspector Japp.  An imposing Terence Harvey of FROM HELL and PRIME SUSPECT 3 plays the formidable cad here, which seems to be his specialty. 

A foray into Chinatown to solve the murder of a Chinese businessman and the theft of his map to "The Lost Mine" leads Poirot into a winding maze of mystery.  In "The Cornish Mystery", the Belgian detective has a rude awakening when he's too late to save a woman who suspects her husband of trying to poison her.  Her tragic death fires him up big time, and woe to the killer when a fired-up Poirot aims his razor-sharp intellect at him (or her).  Freda Stanton, who played the hapless Princess Elspeth in DRAGONSLAYER, guest stars. 

Kenneth Colley, a familiar face to fans of THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK, plays a banker who steps out of his house into the fog one day and is never seen again in "The Disappearance of Mr. Davenheim."  Sharp-eyed viewers will guess the secret behind this one pretty quick but it's still fun watching it play out.  "Double Sin" is a real twister with the delivery of some priceless antiques to a potential buyer ending in theft during a bus trip.  Here, Chief Inspector Japp bets the boastful Poirot that he can't solve the mystery without leaving his house, giving Hastings a rare opportunity for some solo detective work. 

"The Adventure of the Cheap Flat" finds a lucky young couple getting a lovely apartment for a steal, unaware that they're being set up for murder.  (The wife is played by Samantha Bond, who was Moneypenny to Pierce Brosnan's 007.)  Poirot and Hastings do a little more cat burglary in this one with similarly unfortunate results, while the search for some stolen submarine plans brings in William Hootkins (Porkins in STAR WARS, Eckhardt in BATMAN) as a visiting FBI agent played in stereotypical blustery "American" style.

A crackerjack mystery ensues surrounding "The Kidnapped Prime Minister" as Poirot infuriates police with his methodical and seemingly nonsensical approach to solving the crime as the seconds tick away before a crucial international arms summit.  Finally, "The Adventure of the Western Star" is the intriguing tale of a pair of priceless diamonds owned by two women who receive letters informing them that the gems are to be stolen in order to return them to the mystical idol from which they were taken.  Sure enough, this occurs--seemingly--but Poirot suspects that there's more to the case than meets the eye, and, as usual, he's right.

The three-disc DVD set from Acorn Media is in 4:3 full screen with Dolby Digital sound and English subtitles, with the titles newly remastered and in the original UK broadcast order.  There are no extras.  (Also available in a two-disc Blu-Ray version.)

As with the first set, AGATHA CHRISTIE POIROT: SERIES 2 is the kind of cozy entertainment you can snuggle up with as you would a volume of engrossing short stories on a rainy evening.  With their endlessly appealing blend of sumptuous production design, intriguing stories, and fascinating characters--not the least of which being David Suchet's masterful portrayal of the dazzling and strangely endearing Belgian detective himself--the adventures of Hercule Poirot are a feast for mystery fans. 

AGATHA CHRISTIE POIROT: SERIES 1/ AGATHA CHRISTIE POIROT: SERIES 2 -- DVD Reviews by Porfle