Weird Transformation Scene In Fritz Lang's "Woman In The Moon" (1929) (video)

 

Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

 

 

Weird Transformation Scene In Fritz Lang's "Woman In The Moon" (1929) (video)

WAR OF THE PLANETS -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

(NOTE: Since this review was first posted at Bumscorner.com in 2005, the film has undergone more name changes--from its original title of TERRARIUM to WAR OF THE PLANETS and, in the U.K., LOST VOYAGER and EXODUS.)


"What's it doing?  WHAT'S IT DOING?"
"It's devouring her, Robert."

After crash-landing on an unknown planet, a crew of space colonists awaken from suspended animation to find that a hairy, carniverous beast has entered the crippled ship and is breaking into their cryo-chambers one by one, dragging them away.  Unable to move until their bodies overcome the effects of their 15-year sleep, they are little more than a human buffet.  Or, as one of the characters aptly puts it:  "We're the goodies behind the glass."

Thus begins WAR OF THE PLANETS (2004), an extremely low-budget thriller (shot on 16mm) written and directed by Mike Conway, who also photographed, edited, and scored in addition to playing one of the astronauts.  The credits are filled with various other Conways and also reveal that several of the lead actors took part in set construction, camerawork, still photography, etc.  Sheila Conway, who plays "Nicole", doubled as one of the mysterious aliens that also inhabit the planet.

The beast, who resembles a man in a Halloween gorilla costume, returns every five hours or so for a fresh victim.  The helpless astronauts struggle to revitalize their long-dormant bodies between attacks by doing isometric exercises as each character takes advantage of the opportunity to fill us in on their backstories, which are pretty standard -- the captain lost his family while gaining the stars, Nicole's dreams were the ticket out of her small hometown, Kim entered the space program after "an overdose, a suicide attempt, and a stint in the psyche ward..."  (Okay, maybe they're not all that standard.) 

During these scenes the cast gets to act from the neck up a la Richard Dreyfuss in WHOSE LIFE IS IT, ANYWAY?, with varying degrees of skill.  None of them are really bad, though -- the performances range from passable to pretty good, and the characters are likable enough to sustain interest.

When the creature inevitably returns, there is a fair amount of suspense as the crew waits to see who is next on the menu.  Noticing that the first three victims have been women, and figuring that a colony bereft of females might be at a bit of a disadvantage in the procreation department, some of the men valiantly start thrashing around and hollering to attract attention to themselves.  

But suicidal Kim will have none of that, and screams:  "Leave him alone, Sasquatch!  Come and get me, you hairy bastard!" and "It's me you want, you son of a bitch!"  I won't reveal what happens next, but let's face it -- if you find yourself in a monster movie, perhaps those are not the best things to say to the monster.

Eventually, however, the survivors finally regain their motor skills and manage to put a locked door between themselves and the voracious beast.  Later they are able to subdue him as well, at the cost of more lives -- but an autopsy reveals that he hasn't been eating them after all.  So why did he abduct them one by one?  Where has he been taking them? 

The mystery deepens when the astronauts venture from the ship to discover that it is surrounded by an impenetrable glasslike barrier, and their night-vision goggles reveal strange alien beings creeping around in the darkness beyond.  The most likely conclusion reached by the captain and what's left of his crew is that they are the subjects of some ghastly experiment -- but at this point, the only thing they know for sure is that they must somehow escape from the barrier and strike back at the aliens with whatever means they have available. 

Obviously, it's reasonable to assume that a movie called WAR OF THE PLANETS might contain elements similar to films like WAR OF THE WORLDS or BATTLE OF THE PLANETS, with entire civilizations waging spectacular war against one another, but what it all boils down to in the end is this small skirmish between the space colonists and the aliens in a remote location near Las Vegas.  (The original title was TERRARIUM.) 

The filmmakers do their best with a very low budget (originally $27,000, but with added special effects reportedly donated free of charge by former STAR TREK:VOYAGER and BABYLON 5 visual effects artists who became fans of the movie during a two-week run at a Las Vegas theater!), and despite the cardboard sets, videogame-level special effects, an uneven cast of volunteer actors, and some unintentionally amusing dialogue ("Your hair looks the same whether it has cryo-fluid in it or not" "That's what they tell me"), it's sort of a fun movie to watch if you're in the right mood. But I'd suggest renting WAR OF THE PLANETS before adding it to your permanent DVD collection or presenting it to that special someone on their birthday.  It's no ROCKETSHIP XM.

Buy it at Amazon.com

Here's our two-part interview with Mike Conway:
Part One
Part Two

 

WAR OF THE PLANETS -- Movie Review by Porfle

Was "Star Trek: The Motion Picture" Inspired By "Lost In Space"? (video)

Star Trek's "V'ger" and Lost In Space's "Mr. Nobody" aren't that different.

In both stories, an all-powerful being yearning to evolve...

...achieves transcendence through love.

Both are reborn as newly self-aware space-dwelling energy beings.


("Lost In Space" Season 1 Episode 7 "My Friend Mr. Nobody", 1965)

I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

Was "Star Trek: The Motion Picture" Inspired By "Lost In Space"? (video)

Was "You Only Live Twice" Inspired By "Lost In Space"? (video)

The Jupiter 16 space capsule hijack scene in the James Bond film "You Only Live Twice" (1967)…

...bears a strong similarity to the Jupiter 2 hijack scene...

...in "Lost In Space" Season 1: Episode 2 "The Derelict" (1965).

(Watch them both and see if you agree.)

Coincidence? Or inspiration?


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

Was "You Only Live Twice" Inspired By "Lost In Space"? (video)

MARS NEEDS WOMEN (1967) -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 7/10/21

 

Currently watching: MARS NEEDS WOMEN (1967) starring Tommy Kirk and Yvonne Craig. As the sensationalistic title suggests, the plot hinges upon a group of five Martians on a mission to Earth, where they must choose prime female specimens to take back to their home planet in order to help replenish their dying race.

Tommy Kirk, who had played another Martian named Go-Go a few years earlier in the American-International teen comedy PAJAMA PARTY, stars as Dop, leader of the mission, who jeopardizes the whole thing by falling in love with his target, the lovely Dr. Marjorie Bolen, played by the lovely Yvonne Craig (TV's "Batgirl").

The film is produced, written, and directed by Texas-based filmmaker and former 20th-Century Fox bit player Larry Buchanan, who specialized in bringing in profitable made-for-TV movies on very low budgets via his production company Azalea Pictures. 

 

 

 
Some of his other films include such classic bad-movie fare as ZONTAR: THE THING FROM VENUS, CURSE OF THE SWAMP CREATURE, and IN THE YEAR 2889.

It was these films that first made me aware of the wonders of bad filmmaking as a kid, when even at a young age I recognized the cheapness and ineptitude of these films yet felt a strangely inexplicable fondness for them.

MARS NEEDS WOMEN continues the Azalea Pictures tradition of less is less, with extremely limited spaceship effects and alien costumes that consist of rubber scuba suits with little radios with antennae glued over the ears.  The Martians land (off-camera) in an abandoned refrigeration factory where their human female captives can be deep-frozen for the trip back to the red planet.

 

 

The rest of the film takes place in various locations in Houston and Dallas, including the Cotton Bowl (where one Martian chooses a beaming Homecoming queen as his kidnap victim), Love Field (where another Martian unceremoniously steals a car), and the Collins Radio Antenna Building which serves as a NASA decoding center where cryptic messages from Mars are translated into English.

The most interesting abduction, from my point of view anyway, is the one which takes place in a sleazy strip club where a performer billed in the credits as "Bubbles" Cash dances at length under the intense scrutiny of a lucky Martian.

Despite this, much of the film consists of boring characters having dull conversations in rooms, along with reams of military stock footage.  Things do pick up now and then, such as when one Martian obtains needed currency by robbing a filling station and another breaks into a men's apparel store to steal business suits in order to help the mission team blend in.

 

 

The scenes with Tommy Kirk and Yvonne Craig give the film its closest semblance to something worth watching, since both are professional enough to carry off their dialogue with some conviction as their characters gradually become infatuated with each other.

I like the scene where they visit a planetarium and, when the taped monologue about Mars malfunctions, Tommy amazes both Yvonne and a group of visiting school children with his impassioned soliloquy about his beloved home planet.

Technically, MARS NEEDS WOMEN fluctuates between bottom-rung TV episode production values and what could only be described as home-movie-level filming, with inferior dubbing and editing as well. 

 

Still, one must remember that Buchanan was bringing this movie in on a rock-bottom budget and, thus, succeeded in creating something both mildly watchable and ultimately profitable.

Despite a rather solemn air and not a trace of self-aware mockery, MARS NEEDS WOMEN is of interest solely for its amusing "so bad it's good" appeal to those who can actually find such a thing appealing.  Others will be baffled as to why anyone would stick around for more than a minute of it.

MARS NEEDS WOMEN (1967) -- Movie Review by Porfle

THE THREE WORST EPISODES OF "STAR TREK: THE ORIGINAL SERIES" -- by Porfle

Here's a rundown of the three WORST episodes of "STAR TREK: THE ORIGINAL SERIES" (as chosen by me) with commentary by a roundtable consisting of some of my distinguished Facebook friends.  (We talked about the three BEST episodes HERE.)

(Originally posted on 10/25/13) 

 

3rd worst "Star Trek: The Original Series" episode of all time--"The Way to Eden", aka "Space Hippies."

Charles Napier and Skip Homeier help make this one a real treat.  Skip plays a charismatic guru conning a bunch of futuristic flower children into thinking there's an Eden planet out there somewhere and they can reach it by hijacking the Enterprise. 

Before  that happens,  however, Spock tunes up the old Vulcan harp and jams with them in an impromptu musical concert that sounds like cats running around on a set of rusty box springs.  The "hippies" in this case are straight out of the DC Comics "Totally-Out-Of-It" notion of how hippies should look, act,  and, God help us,  speak.

    William J Ellingsworth: I want that guitar!
 
    Ruby Wolf: I always wondered where they got their hair bleach, Nair and make-up in space.
  
    Porfle Popnecker: Lucille Ball's "Desilu" studios had one of the worst makeup departments imaginable.

    Ruby Wolf: I know, right. Lucy came in as a redhead but by the time they finished with her, everyone was black, white and grey.
 
    Porfle Popnecker:  Florence Henderson tells of having to get made up for an audition at Desilu and ending up looking like one of "Mudd's Women."
  
    Richard Von Busack: Oh, my god! I can't wait to see this, knowing Napier is in it!  That's the smile of success!
 
    Porfle Popnecker: It does help make it one of the cooler "bad" episodes of a TV show.
 
    Ruby Wolf:  Looks like it was cold in there, too.

    Porfle Popnecker:  He was used to tweaking them for Russ Meyer before every scene.

    Paul Sanchez: I had Napier's same outfit back in my Vegas Disco days.

    Porfle Popnecker: I think he may be wearing it backwards.

    Paul Sanchez: I think SHE is wearing HERS backwards.

    Porfle Popnecker: Not according to NBC Standards and Practices she ain't!





2nd worst "Star Trek: The Original Series" episode of all time--3rd season opener "Spock's Brain."

(Pictured: Marj Dusay of the CBS soap opera "Capitol" feeds Kirk's femdom fantasies while a brain-free Spock waits for someone to jiggle his joystick.)

 The male and female members of this particular race live separately,  with the savage males (the Morg) roughing it topside and the childlike females (the Ey-Morg cared for in a comfortable underground complex by a brain-powered computer. 

Whenever this computer needs a new brain, the head female, Kara (Dusay), has a session with a helmet device called "The Teacher" (shades of FORBIDDEN PLANET), gains temporary intelligence, and goes off looking for a brain to steal.  Which, in this case, just happens to belong to our favorite pointy-eared Vulcan.
 

While not under the influence of "The Teacher",  these babes are pretty dense--"Brain and brain!  What is brain!"  Kara exclaims at one point as Kirk presses her for information.  He's barking up the wrong tree here.  Spock, meanwhile, is operated by remote control  like a toy robot until he can get his brain back.  Leonard Nimoy, not surprisingly, found the episode "embarrassing."

James Cole: But it's fun! Unintentional side-splitting humor!  "You are not Morg. You are not Ey-Morg! What are you?"

Porfle Popnecker: I love the way Shatner hogs the camera during their "pain" sequences.

Paul Sanchez: Not as much as he does in "Gamesters of Triskelion." [posts picture]
 


Porfle Popnecker: That's a great pic but I'd have to do a comparison.

James Cole: I actually used a cropped photo of the above for my profile pic!

Porfle Popnecker: It's classic Shatner.

Worst "Star Trek: The Original Series" episode of all time--"The Alternative Factor." 

With guest star Robert Brown ("Here Come the Brides") as "Lazarus."

Blah. Just...blah.

    Harcourt Mudd: Sitting around the break room, playing with the food replicator, and being disappointed there is no live gagh available. And you thought you could have it yourrrrrr way.

    Porfle Popnecker: Lazarus looks like he just smoked a space doobie in this pic.

    Nathan Baxter Simar: He's a late 60s mess.

    Nathan Baxter Simar: I am always struck by how blandly sterile the ship's interior sets were. Do people really live here?

    Porfle Popnecker: Well, it is sort of a science-military work environment. I always thought it was rather pleasant looking.

    Nathan Baxter Simar: It really grates on me. But, then, that's just me.

    Porfle Popnecker: I dig it. Now the first movie, THAT'S blandly sterile looking.

    Nathan Baxter Simar: Yeah, true. And too too disco-y.

    Porfle Popnecker: It looks like they're wearing pajamas inside a fish tank.

    Nathan Baxter Simar: I'd never thought of it that way, but that's a good way of describing it...

    Porfle Popnecker: Surprisingly, I like the J.J. Abrams Enterprise interiors except for Engineering, which is actually the interior of a Budweiser brewery.

    Nathan Baxter Simar: I have gotten to the point where I don't really see sci-fi ship interiors any more that grab me, like they used to when I was a kid and later as a young man.

    Porfle Popnecker:  I like most of them. ALIEN is a fave. And STARSHIP TROOPERS.
 
    James Cole: Absolutely agree. Worst. Episode. Ever. (Of TOS.) It's in part because a major subplot had to be cut and made the script too short - so they filled it with endless repeating shots of Lazarus running and falling and running and falling...

    Porfle Popnecker: Ugh, I'm starting to relive it now!

    James Cole: The episode always confused and bored me as a kid. It gives me a headache just thinking about it. Among its many faults: WHY DOES KIRK LET THIS RAVING MANIAC JUST WANDER THE SHIP BY HIMSELF?

    Porfle Popnecker: And you had to figure out which Lazarus you were looking at by keeping up with his Band-aid or whatever.
 
    James Cole: The editing was incomprehensible - and if you look closely, Lazarus's beard on the planet doesn't match how it looks on the ship. It's like twice as thick.

    Porfle Popnecker: The whole episode is twice as thick!
   
    Paul Sanchez: I kinda liked the basic concept, but yeah. the production of it was a mess.

    Paul Sanchez: And don't diss on ST:The Motion Picture. I love it. Those uniforms were the logical update from the TV show-- practical, yet comfy-- so sure, you could sleep in them too.

   Porfle Popnecker:  All that was missing was the footies!

   Porfle Popnecker: I actually have a much higher opinion of the first movie since the release of the Director's Cut on DVD.

   Paul Sanchez: Oh that cut is great. It all gels. Robert Wise had never made a BAD movie-- when allowed.

   James Cole: Friends of mine worked on the Director's Edition DVD. It's a far superior cut of the movie - it works great.

   Porfle Popnecker: And the addition of a countdown to self-destruct at the end adds some actual old-fashioned suspense like the original series had.

   Paul Sanchez: Porf's fave part is when Chekov gets an owwie and screams like a little girl.

   Porfle Popnecker: Yeah, that's the most thrill-packed moment in the whole movie.


Thanks to everyone who participated in this discussion!  You can check out the follow-up, "The Three Best-Ever Episodes of 'Star Trek: The Original Series'" right HERE!

 

THE THREE WORST EPISODES OF "STAR TREK: THE ORIGINAL SERIES" -- by Porfle

BATTLESTAR GALACTICA 4.0 -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 12/20/08

 

When the original CATTLECAR--excuse me, "BATTLESTAR" GALACTICA came out back in the 70s, I was among those who regarded it as nothing more than a candy-coated piece of sci-fi dreck. So when the Sci-Fi Channel came out with this jazzed-up remake a few years ago, I stayed away, recalling that old line about a silk purse and a sow's ear. Well, I couldn't have been more wrong. After watching this BATTLESTAR GALACTICA 4.0 four-disc DVD set, which covers the first half of the show's fourth and supposedly final season, I could frakkin' kick myself for not being glued to the TV set from the very first episode.

Simply put, this series kicks major ass on every conceivable level. Surely one of the finest series ever produced for television, it might even be the best weekly sci-fi series of all time. Every aspect of the show--acting, writing, production values, special effects, music--is consistently excellent. The show's producers, Ronald D. Moore and David Eick, have somehow managed to combine riveting adult drama with the best elements of pure space opera.

As in the '78 version, the story begins in a distant part of the galaxy where a human civilization known as The Twelve Colonies is decimated by an attack from the Cylons. Less than 35,000 humans survive, escaping into deep space in a ragtag fleet of ships protected by the battlestar Galactica under the leadership of Admiral William Adama. Their goal is to reach the fabled planet of their race's origin known as "Earth" before the pursuing Cylons can destroy them.

The Cylons consist of both robotic warriors and several series of humanoid clones which are essentially immortal, since they can download their shared consciousness into new bodies whenever necessary via an immense spacecraft known as the Resurrection Hub. Much of the fourth season's drama revolves around a civil war between the more warlike Cylons and the ones who wish to end hostilities with the humans, while a small group of these humanoid Cylons, known as The Final Five, actually live and work aboard the Galactica and until recently were unaware that they weren't human.

Meanwhile, Admiral Adama (Edward James Olmos) and President Laura Roslin (DANCES WITH WOLVES' Mary McDonnell) struggle to maintain military control over the fleet rather than hand it over to a group of civilian politicians headed by Vice President Zarek (original '78 castmember Richard Hatch). Religion plays a major role in the stories as well, with one-God proponent Gaius Baltar (James Callis) and his worshipful followers clashing with polytheists who maintain belief in Zeus and other gods. ("Gods damn it!" is a commonly-heard expletive on the show, second only to the ubiquitous "Frak!")

A major event which really sets the fourth-season storyline into motion is the disappearance of fighter pilot Kara "Starbuck" Thrace (Katee Sackhoff) during a battle with the Cylons. After being declared dead, she and her "raptor" ship suddenly turn up several weeks later, both without a scratch. Starbuck insists that somehow she's been to Earth and now knows the way back, but no one believes her at first--in fact, she's suspected to be a Cylon replicant. Eventually, however, the ultimate fate of the entire fleet will depend upon the knowledge that has been mysteriously implanted in her mind.

Having missed out on all the previous episodes, I had to piece together much of what goes on during this season on the fly. But it was definitely worth it. There's a wealth of intense human drama, not to mention political and religious intrigue, all interlaced within a rock-solid story arc featuring a fascinating cast of characters. The plight of the Final Five is especially compelling as they deal with the shock of discovering that they're not human and the constant fear of being revealed as "alien." The growing romantic relationship between battle-weary leaders Adama and Roslin is explored, and made more poignant by her terminal cancer. And the conflict between the warring Cylon factions is full of surprises.

As space opera, the series often reaches epic proportions. The battles between human and Cylon forces are depicted with some mouth-wateringly good CGI--not as sharp and weighty as model work, but with a sweep and grandeur comparable to STARSHIP TROOPERS and the opening sequence of STAR WARS III: REVENGE OF THE SITH--while the potentially distracting use of Shaky-Cam is handled well, giving the battle scenes a somewhat documentary feel. The show also boasts top-notch production design and excellent sets that create a believably realistic atmosphere.

Old pros Olmos and McDonnell head a fine cast that also includes BAND OF BROTHERS' Jamie Bamber as soldier-turned-politician Lee "Apollo" Adama, Tricia Helfer as the beautiful and mysterious Cylon known as Number Six, Michael Hogan as Colonel Tigh (who is not only Adama's most trusted officer but also a member of the Final Five), and the great Dean Stockwell as Cylon leader Brother Cavil. Another welcome presence is Lucy Lawless in an awesomely cool turn as D'Anna Biers, a Cylon who becomes the focal point of an intense standoff between the opposing forces which will determine the outcome of the entire saga.

In addition to the ten episodes in this set, the first disc contains a stand-alone movie called RAZOR which stars Michelle Forbes as Admiral Helena Cain of the battlestar Pegasus. Forbes, who played Ensign Ro on "Star Trek: The Next Generation", is outstanding in this gripping tale of a ruthless commander who resorts to terror and the execution of civilians to ensure the survival of her ship and crew. Both the broadcast version and the unrated extended version are included.

Each disc also contains numerous bonus features--commentary tracks, behind-the-scenes docs, deleted scenes, trailers, minisodes, podcast commentaries, video blogs, and more--offering hours of added material. The visual and sound quality are fine, with 1.78:01 anamorphic widescreen and Dolby Digital 5.1. Subtitles are in English and Spanish.

As a longtime sci-fi fan, and especially as a diehard Trekker, I enjoyed the hell out of this set and will definitely start seeking out more of them. Although BATTLESTAR GALACTICA 4.0 ends halfway through the fourth season--to be continued in 2009--it does come to a satisfying conclusion. I can't wait to see the rest!

BATTLESTAR GALACTICA 4.0 -- DVD Review by Porfle

STAR TREK: BEYOND -- Blu-ray/DVD Review by Porfle

 Originally posted on 11/22/2016

 

Often I'll like a movie better upon repeat viewing, but rarely have I gone from "disappointed" to "delighted" as drastically as I did during my second look at STAR TREK: BEYOND (2016). 

The trouble is, the darn thing is just so dense, so packed full of action, dialogue, special effects, etc. which are all edited together like a Tsui Hark movie but without the light-fingered finesse.  To be honest, I missed so much of the story details and subtleties the first time around that much of what I saw seemed like a jumbled mess. (Plus, Zachary Quinto's Spock wig looks pretty bad this time.)

Not so upon second viewing, one free of the need to decipher the plot points that go sprinting past in competition with the constant barrage of sound and fury and motorcycles and demolition derbies with starships instead of jalopies.  (The wig still looks bad.)

 

 All of which, by the way, is fantastic and at times a bit staggering.  There's one sequence about twenty minutes into the film, in fact, that's so blazingly, heart-poundingly catastrophic for the Enterprise and its crew that it's pretty hard for the rest of the movie to top it--which it never quite does.  But it tries, bless its little dilithium crystal heart.

With this, the third installment in the Abrams-verse reboot (with its all-new altered timeline that keeps us from knowing what will happen next) Chris Pine's Captain James T. Kirk and crew have been out there on that five-year mission for almost three years and this Kirk, who didn't grow up with a father's guidance and is still maturing and feeling his way through life right before our eyes, finds the whole deep space experience repetitive and boring (or as he puts it in meta terms, "episodic.") 

But an alien woman's distress cry for help to rescue her stranded crew on a planet deep inside an uncharted nebula sends the Enterprise on a mission that will give Kirk more excitement and danger than even he could bargain for.  Not surprisingly, this involves yet another alien bad guy out for revenge, this time against the entire Federation for reasons we'll discover after lots of fighting and shooting and starships going boom.

 

Idris Elba guest stars as bad guy Krall, who resembles the reptilian villain from the sci-fi spoof GALAXY QUEST (which this movie resembles in other ways as well).  Krall wants a device in Kirk's possession and will do anything to get it because it's vital in his plan to destroy an entire Federation space outpost known as "Yorktown" which is home to millions of intergalactic citizens.

My favorite new character is the endearingly plucky Jaylah, played by Sofia Boutella who will be the title character in the upcoming MUMMY reboot. Here, Sophia looks great as an albino with long white hair and elegant ebony facial markings.  As another stranded prisoner of Krall's hostile planet, Jaylah forms a special bond with Simon Pegg's "Scotty" and supplies the Enterprise bridge crew with something vital: a derelict ship (her "house" as she calls it) that might, with Scotty's expert help, be coaxed into flight once again.

Each of the main characters is allowed ample screen time.  John Cho's Sulu, of course, gets to be the new "gay" character in the series, even though Sulu has always previously been hetero.  (Even George Takei is adamant on this point.)  It's not such a big deal, though--we see him greet his little daughter Demora in Yorktown and put an arm around his male partner (director Justin Lin), and that's it.

Spock and Uhura (Zoe Saldana) have their first lovers' spat, with an amicable yet painful breakup.  Anton Yelchin, tragically gone from us now, offers his charming interpretation of Ensign Chekov one last time.  And upon the main three--Kirk, Spock, and "Bones" McCoy (Karl Urban)--the script dotes with disarming fondness.

For action fans, STAR TREK: BEYOND kicks plenty of intergalactic ass both on the planet, where Kirk, Spock, Bones, Sulu, Chekov, and Uhura must rescue their captured shipmates from Krall and his army, to the Yorktown space-city itself once Krall launches his all-out attack involving thousands of prickly little drone ships that swarm like bees and utterly obliterate whatever they descend upon.  All of this goes by fast and furious, so this is where that second viewing comes in handy.

Speaking of which, director Lin of the "Fast & Furious" films does his best to emulate J.J. Abrams while not quite capturing a certain candy-counter, toy-store, Christmas morning kind of essence his predecessor seemed capable of injecting into these films. In my review of the first STAR TREK reboot I described it as a "grandly entertaining cherry-red fire engine of a space flick", something Lin doesn't quite pull off.

Still, he does a capable job and manages to keep the series on a high level.  What seems most problematic for many Trek fans, in fact, is that there's so much action effectively dominating the proceedings that no time is left either for meaningful character interaction or contemplation of the deep, intellectual themes Gene Roddenberry was known for in his original vision of the "Star Trek" universe. (At least in hindsight.)

As for the former, I think these films contain a wealth of terrific character interaction, highly meaningful little moments that occur at scattered points throughout each installment in the series, some lighthearted and frivolous (old philosophical adversaries Spock and Bones get several choice exchanges), some deeply moving (such as Kirk's ruminations on his late father and how different are their career paths and goals as Starfleet captains). 

The latter, I admit, is pretty accurate--these films aren't always that thematically profound.  But neither was every episode of the original series.  And this is a brash young version of the Enterprise crew, impatient to go out there into that last frontier and raise some hell.  They don't want to stop and take the time to be all that thoughtful and contemplative, nor do they have as much life experience to be all that thoughtful and contemplative about.

There are different kinds of Star Trek and they don't all have to be alike.  This is Action "Star Trek."  For a change of pace, it suits this long-time Trekker just fine.

The 2-disc Blu-ray/DVD combo from Paramount Home Media Distribution contains a Blu-ray disc with the movie and special features, a DVD with the movie, and a code for downloading a digital HD copy of the film.  The Blu-ray disc contains a gag reel, deleted scenes, and the following featurettes: "Beyond the Darkness: Story Origins"; "Enterprise Takedown: Destroying an Icon"; "Trekking Into the Desert: On Location in Dubai"; "To Live Long and Prosper: 50 Years of Star Trek"; and tributes to the late Leonard Nimoy and Anton Yelchin. 

STAR TREK: BEYOND is brand-spanking new and scintillatingly different, yet filled with welcome echoes of the past (there's a particularly poignant Spock moment, and an ending which recalls STAR TREK IV: THE VOYAGE HOME in a big way).  With this latest entry in the rebooted series, what's old is new again, and I love warping off into the final frontier with this young crew that's so bursting with promise for the future.

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STAR TREK: BEYOND -- Blu-ray/DVD Review by Porfle

FLIGHT TO MARS (1951) -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

 

 Originally posted on 7/12/21

 

One of the best of the wave of fanciful space exploration thrillers that helped usher in the science-fiction-heavy cinema of the 1950s, FLIGHT TO MARS (1951) has been given a lush restoration and released on Blu-ray by The Film Detective along with some interesting extras.

With surprisingly good production values for a Monogram Picture (the studio best known for its lurid 1940s Bela Lugosi chillers), it still retains an endearingly corny B-movie atmosphere.

In such a setting, a historic expedition to Mars can still be manned by a team composed of stuffy old scientists, a brainy woman for whom science is a poor substitute for domestic bliss, her pipe-smoking mentor who is oblivious to her love for him, and a cocky reporter (Cameron Mitchell, THE KLANSMAN, THE SILENT SCREAM, THE TOOLBOX MURDERS) along for the ride who ends up the third corner in their love triangle.

 

One can hardly fault the story for getting so much wrong about space exploration since so little was known about it in 1951. Still, it's amusing when the crew must have the concept of a shower of meteors burning up in the Earth's atmosphere as "shooting stars" explained to them, and certain members are so dourly pessimistic about the mission's success that one crewmember refers to the ship as his "coffin."

Fans of this sort of entertainment will enjoy the ride from Earth to Mars (in the same spaceship interior left over from ROCKETSHIP XM, according to IMDb), including a thrilling crash landing brought off with obvious yet impressive model work.

Once on Mars, the crew encounter a race of intelligent men and women who live in a vast underground complex composed largely of colorful matte paintings that recall the best illustrations from science-fiction pulp magazines of the era, whose wildly imaginative stories seem to have provided much inspiration for this one. 

 

 

With the seemingly kindly Martian leader Ikron (Morris Ankrum, ROCKETSHIP XM) promising to help the Earth people repair their ship for takeoff, Dr. Barker (Arthur Franz, THE CAINE MUTINY, MONSTER ON THE CAMPUS) and his crew soon discover Ikron's more dastardly intent--to take over their repaired spacecraft and use it to escape the dying planet and conquer Earth.  

It's here that the film's star, Marguerite Chapman (THE SEVEN YEAR ITCH, THE AMAZING TRANSPARENT MAN), finally appears as Alita, a Martian woman assigned to help Dr. Barker (and arouse the jealousy of the Earth woman in the bargain). After discovering Ikron's plan, she will side with the Earth people and aid in their attempted escape.

Again, production values during the Mars scenes are quite lovely in a pulp sci-fi kind of way, helped in large part by the use of Cinecolor. Costumes are attractive as well, with Marguerite Chapman an absolute knockout in her micro-mini uniform (Dr. Barker's lovelorn assistant Carol gets one too) and even Morris Ankrum looking spiffy in his stately Mars garb.

Societal norms of the time will either amuse or annoy various viewers (Carol regards Mars' domestic conveniences as "a heaven for women"), although the female characters are all noteworthy for their above-average intelligence.  

 

The film is aided immeasurably by the smoothly capable direction of Lesley Selander, one of the most prolific directors of all time who helmed most of the "Hopalong Cassidy" series as well as countless other westerns, while also venturing into other genres (THE VAMPIRE'S GHOST).

The Blu-ray from The Film Detective is restored via a 4K transfer sourced from the original 35mm Cinecolor separation negatives.  Bonus features consist of two new documentary shorts, "Walter Mirisch: From Bomba to Body Snatchers" and "Interstellar Travelogues: Cinema's First Space Race", an audio commentary by author/film historian Justin Humphreys, and a full-color insert booklet with essay, "Mars at the Movies" by award-winning author Don Stradley.  Subtitles are in English and Spanish.

Despite a rather abrupt ending, FLIGHT TO MARS pays off with a final sequence that is exciting and suspenseful. The whole thing's as corny as can be at times, but that just adds to what amounts to one of the most absorbing and enjoyable space exploration yarns of the 1950s.




FLIGHT TO MARS

The Film Detective
Genre: Science-Fiction, Fantasy
Original Release: 1951 (Color)
Not Rated
Running Time: 72 Minutes
Language: English
Subtitles: English & Spanish
SRP: $24.95 (Blu-ray) / $19.95 (DVD)
Discs: 1
Release Date: July 20, 2021 (Pre-order now)
UPC Code:  760137572985 (Blu-ray) / 760137572893 (DVD)
Catalog #:  FBR1011 (Blu-ray) / FD1011 (DVD)

FLIGHT TO MARS (1951) -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

STAR TREK -- Movie Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 5/19/09

 

As a self-described "Trekker" since "Star Trek: The Original Series" first warped into syndication, the prospect of this movie inspired in me feelings of both keen anticipation and dread. For years, many of us Trek fans have wanted a movie about the Starfleet Academy days of the original crew, but we wanted it to be true to the spirit of "Star Trek" while adhering to established canon.

Nowadays, however, such sentiments are likely to cause you to be labeled a "diehard Trek supergeek" and berated for being such a dour spoilsport nitpicking over details instead of sitting back and letting this flashy new thing carry you off on a wave of giddy delirium. Well, I don't mind being called a geek, but when other geeks call me a geek, then they need to shut up. In other words, you really can't point out the mote of dust in someone else's eye if you have an action figure stuck in yours.

Anyway, I went to see director J.J. Abrams' big, new, glittering, pulsating, eye-popping STAR TREK (2009) movie today, and I must say first of all that it is a grandly entertaining cherry-red fire engine of a space flick. Watching it is like getting up on Christmas morning and finding out that Santa Claus really went all out on your house because you were extra good that year. There's an endless parade of stunningly imaginative set design, amazing special effects, and some action setpieces that made me glad sci-fi movies were invented. The new USS Enterprise looks great on the outside, and the bright, snazzy interiors felt like home after I had some time to settle into them.

Best of all, there was actually a story buzzing around amidst all these cool state-of-the-art visuals. It involves an enormous Romulan warship that has elements of both (a scaled down) V'ger from STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE and the Romulan warship "The Scimitar" from STAR TREK: NEMESIS, and a vengeful Romulan commander named Nero (Eric Bana) who is reminiscent of the vengeful Khan from STAR TREK: THE WRATH OF KHAN and the vengeful Romulan commander Shinzon from STAR TREK: NEMESIS. (An aside: the widely-reviled NEMESIS is one of my favorite Trek movies. Shows you what I know.) So basically, Nero is really pissed-off, he hates Earth, he hates Vulcan, he has a practically invincible starship that can travel through time and destroy worlds, and he's coming to get us. Check.

Meanwhile, we get to see young Kirk and Spock in their formative years, with Kirk a rebellious orphan born in battle and raised in Iowa, and Spock the half-Vulcan, half-human misfit who's unsure which path to take in life and must suffer discriminatory taunts from his full-Vulcan peers. Spock chooses to enter Starfleet (partly to spite the smug Vulcan tight-asses who patronizingly deem him fit to attend the Vulcan Science Academy despite his "inadequacies") while Kirk stumbles into it like a bull in a china closet.

We see Kirk cheating his way through that fabled Kobiyashi Maru test, meeting Spock under less-than-friendly circumstances, hitting on Uhura, and being whisked into a frantic mission to rescue the planet Vulcan from oblivion even though he's been suspended from duty, thanks to an obliging Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy. Once aboard the Enterprise, of course, it isn't long before the young hot-shot proves himself Alpha Male #1 and is sitting in the captain's chair. But first, he must get forcibly ejected from the Enterprise in an escape pod, meet both Scotty and the original Leonard Nimoy version of Spock on an ice planet, get beamed back aboard the Enterprise during warp, and fight to the near-death against Spock to prove the emotion-prone Vulcan unfit for command.

Just how much of this sticks to that pesky "Star Trek" canon that us diehard supergeeks are so nitpicky about becomes irrelevent as soon as the time travel factor enters the equation. Nimoy's "Spock Prime" is there to remind us that whatever happened between the moment the TV series first became a gleam in Gene Roddenberry's eye to the last time Patrick Stewart said "Make it so" is now part of a different timeline that has gone on its merry way into history. Thanks to the Romulan villain Nero and his temporal meddling, we now have a Star Trek universe in which most of the old characters are still there but in which anything can happen.

This rules out what many of us have wished for over the years--a retro-Trek origin story that accurately sets up the later adventures with a steadfast adherence to continuity--but maybe by this point it's not such a bad approach to take. I certainly don't like the idea of ignoring the old fans who have been loyal to Star Trek for all these decades and courting new ones who don't care about its history. Indeed, if it weren't for us the show would've died back in the late 60s and we wouldn't even be discussing it as a big-budget summer blockbuster here in the 21st century.

But after seeing this modern reboot, and being, frankly, dazzled by it, I must say that J.J. Abrams and company seem to have had the old fans well in mind every step of the way. There's an awful lot about this movie that can only be appreciated by viewers who are already familiar with the characters and their history. And seeing all the little details fall into place, even if the fit is a good deal different this time around, is a satisfying experience.

As a film, STAR TREK is killer entertainment that starts out with a bang and doesn't let up. The pre-titles sequence is awesome, with the USS Kelvin under the command of Captain George Kirk going up against Nero's ship in a hopelessly one-sided battle while his wife is in sickbay giving birth to their son James. Later, there's a thrilling parachute freefall involving Kirk and Sulu over the planet Vulcan which leads to aerial hand-to-hand combat atop a drilling platform suspended miles in the air. (In one of several nods to the original series, Sulu even gets to display his fencing prowess here.) The space battles which occur throughout the film are intense, action-packed, and beautifully rendered. And as in Spock's demise in WRATH OF KHAN and the destruction of the Enterprise in THE SEARCH FOR SPOCK, there are a couple of major death scenes here that are stunning and totally unexpected.

Perhaps the most important element in this film's success or failure is in the casting. Chris Pine captures the brash arrogance and boyish likability of James T. Kirk without doing a full-on Shatner impression, while Zachary Quinto seems to have been born to play the young Spock. Other actors--Zoe Saldana as Uhura, John Cho as Sulu, and Simon Pegg as Scotty--convey the essence of their characters while bearing little resemblance to their predecessors. As Pavel Chekov, Anton Yelchin manages to actually make me like the character for the first time ever, giving the proceedings a hefty dose of highly-effective comedy relief. Ben Cross and Winona Ryder aren't great as Spock's parents, but they're pretty good, and Bruce Greenwood makes a fine Captain Christopher Pike. Best of all, however, is Karl Urban as Leonard McCoy. He inhabits the role as though somehow possessed by the late DeForest Kelley, and it's a real pleasure to watch him forming an instant kinship with Kirk, developing his adversarial relationship with Spock, and saying things like "Dammit, I'm a doctor, not a physicist!" for the first time.

Somehow, though, I didn't find the film all that cathartic at the end. Maybe repeated viewings will change this, I don't know. It just didn't seem to do that "climax" and "denouement" thing as successfully as an adventure of this magnitude should, leaving me somewhat less than ecstatic after the fadeout. It could be that this hyperkinetic, visually intoxicating thrill ride lacked the kind of deep, emotional resonance that previous "Star Trek" movies have always had to one degree or another. Maybe these revamped characters and this rebooted universe are so new and unfamiliar that they aren't yet capable of making us feel the old magic. Maybe the emphasis on flash and sensation gives the whole enterprise a slightly superficial quality. Or, most likely, maybe we'll just have to wear this new pair of shoes for awhile before they start to feel as comfortable as the old ones.

STAR TREK -- Movie Review by Porfle

WHEN WE LEFT EARTH: THE NASA MISSIONS -- DVD Review by Porfle

 Originally posted on 10/12/08

 

The most thrilling adventure of the 20th century, without a doubt, would have to be the story of NASA's incredible exploits in outer space. The Discovery Channel's six-part documentary, WHEN WE LEFT EARTH: THE NASA MISSIONS (2008) is a richly informative and often breathtaking retelling of this story, from our first tentative steps into space to the moon landings and finally to the development of orbital space stations and the space shuttle itself.

It's the story of the scientists and engineers who conceived the hardware, the mission control personnel who coordinated the missions, and the heroic astronauts themselves who risked their lives to venture into the most awe-inspiring frontier of all time.

Disc one begins with "Ordinary Supermen", the original Mercury astronauts who blazed the trail into space with a series of one-man flights that first captured the imagination of the entire world and set into motion a space-race between the United States and Russia which prompted President John F. Kennedy to vow that NASA would land a man on the moon before the decade's end. "Friends and Rivals" continues this quest with the two-man Gemini missions, including the first rendevous of two seperate craft in orbit and the first space docking.

With disc two comes "Landing the Eagle", in which all that has gone before, including the tragic deaths of Gus Grissom, Ed White, and Roger Chaffee in a fire that rages through their Apollo 1 space capsule, finally culminates in Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin's historic moon landing. "The Explorers" documents the remaining moon missions, including the ill-fated Apollo 13 flight that almost left three men stranded in deep space, and ends with the launch of SkyLab, America's first orbital space station.

Disc three details the creation of "The Shuttle", NASA's new reusable workhorse vehicle designed to be launched into space and then land back on Earth like a glider. The final episode, "A Home in Space", tells of the launch of the Hubble telescope and the touch-and-go repair mission that must be undertaken in order to repair it, and ends with the construction of the international space station.

An unbelievable wealth of film and video has been assembled to make WHEN WE LEFT EARTH a visual feast from beginning to end. More than ever before, we get to see the story unfold before our eyes as it's told, from the grainy NASA footage of the Mercury, Gemini, and Apollo missions all the way to the breathtaking clarity of the more recent images, which surpass any conceivable Hollywood SPFX.

Astronaut Ed White's first spacewalk is a highlight, as is the rendezvous between Gemini VI and VII in which we see an astronaut waving at us through the window of the other craft. Long overhead views of the moon's surface are mesmerizing. The moon landings themselves are depicted in a way that conveys their almost inconceivable significance in the history of human evolution.

The story usually ends here in such previous documentaries as MOON SHOT and dramatizations like FROM THE EARTH TO THE MOON. Here, however, we're shown that the daring of brave and adventurous astronauts continues to yield fascinating real-life drama. The most affecting, of course, are the accounts of the doomed space shuttles Challenger and Columbia, victims of NASA's negligence during a phase in which space flight began to seem routine.

These are augmented by some of the clearest closeup shots of shuttles in flight that I've ever seen, and the Challenger explosion is shown in startling never-before-seen declassified footage. Later, the sequence in which a shuttle crew ascends to twice the usual orbit above the Earth and exits their craft in order to repair the Hubble telescope is as riveting as any science fiction, with some of the most astonishing images in the entire series.

Much of WHEN WE LEFT EARTH is told in the words of surviving astronauts, NASA ground personnel, family members, and others directly involved, their words often tinged with emotion. Longtime flight coordinator Gene Kranz, as always, is particularly eloquent and philosophical in his recollections. Gary Sinise, who played astronaut Ken Mattingly in APOLLO 13, proves quite capable as a narrator for Ed Fields' script, while Richard Blair-Oliphant's action-movie musical score is highly effective.

Discs one through three also contain highlights from NASA films, additional interviews, and other interesting footage that augments each chapter in the story. Disc four is a collection of NASA-produced films from the 60s which are interesting not only for their subject matter, but as relics of their time. They include "Freedom 7" (which uses library music also heard in THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN'T DIE, of all things), "Friendship 7: John Glenn", the amusingly-inept dramatizations of "Proud Conquest: Gemini VII and VI", "Debrief: Apollo 8" with narration by Burgess Meredith, and "The Flight of Apollo 11."

 The DVD looks and sounds great, with a 16:9 aspect ratio and 5.1 surround sound, and the attractive metal DVD case is a keeper. Subtitles are in English and Spanish.

Whether you're a space buff already, or you just want to learn about the history of space flight in those thrilling days before it was taken for granted, WHEN WE LEFT EARTH: THE NASA MISSIONS should more than satisfy your curiosity while providing the kind of mind-blowing entertainment that few other real-life stories could hope to provide. It's a reminder, even for those of us who lived through it all while it was happening, of the sheer wonder of space flight.

WHEN WE LEFT EARTH: THE NASA MISSIONS -- DVD Review by Porfle

THE GREEN SLIME (1968) -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 6/9/21

 

Currently watching: THE GREEN SLIME (1968), a collaboration between Italy, Japan, and the USA, with the disparate cinematic styles of each clashing together to create a wild space opera-slash-monster movie that's both exhilaratingly strange and delightfully bad.

Some time in the future an orbiting space station detects an asteroid on a collision course with Earth. Commander Jack Rankin (TV star Robert Horton, "A Man Called Shenandoah", "Wagon Train") is called out of retirement to head a team of astronauts to take off from the space station, land on the asteroid, and plant bombs that will blow it to smithereens.

The team does so in what is basically a small-scale dry run for the later epic ARMAGEDDON, but this time the astronauts bring back an unexpected souvenir from the asteroid in the form of a strange green slime which, when charged with electricity, grows into a horde of grotesque, very hostile alien creatures with pincer-tipped tentacles and one big red eye. 

 

 

Feeding upon the space station's various energy sources, the creatures grow in size and multiply rapidly until the station's inhabitants begin dying horribly one by one and end up fighting hand-to-tentacle for their very survival.

Hence, the entire second half of the film is a furious and at times incomprehensible series of frantic battle sequences splattered with red blood and green slime, as the space soldiers struggle to protect the station's medical and scientific personnel as well as other civilians.

To make matters worse, Rankin's romantic rival, Commander Vince Elliott (Richard Jaeckel, THE DIRTY DOZEN, STARMAN) chafes at having his command usurped by Rankin, with the mutual object of their affection, beautiful medical officer Dr. Lisa Benson (Luciana Paluzzi, THUNDERBALL, MUSCLE BEACH PARTY), adding fuel to the fire with her very presence.

 

 
From the film's first scenes, we're treated to an environment almost totally comprised of miniatures--cityscapes, rocket launch pads and spaceships, the rotating space station itself, etc.--which sometimes approach the quality of the usual Toho/Kaiju stuff we're used to, while at other times are markedly cheap and fake-looking.

Space station and spaceship interiors have the low-budget look of the old live-action Saturday morning sci-fi shows from Filmation such as "Space Academy" and "Jason of Star Command", and even such earlier series as "Rocky Jones, Space Ranger." On the plus side, vivid colors abound in most scenes, especially those involving the approaching asteroid, giving them a pleasing comic-book quality.

The low-rent feel of the film also shows in the artless, almost amateurish direction and camerawork, which, combined with the freaky slime-monster costumes and other slapdash special effects, make the film either an object of boredom and derision or, for bad movie lovers such as myself, a delightfully dizzying wallow in junk-movie joy.

 

Amazingly, this movie was directed by the same man, Kinji Fukasaku, who would go on to helm the spectacular sci-fi classic BATTLE ROYALE in 2000.  The consistently tense screenplay also boasts as its co-writer another familiar name--Bill Finger, who, along with Bob Kane, created the legendary comic book character, Batman.

Square-jawed and stern, Horton's Commander Rankin could almost have stepped right out of an episode of "Thunderbirds Are Go!" Jaeckle gets a rare chance to stretch his considerable acting chops in a major role, while Paluzzi has a cult appeal all her own as the woman who keeps the film's romantic triangle fired up while protecting her patients from the rampaging slime creatures.

While none of this looks or feels convincing for a second, THE GREEN SLIME is such a relentless onslaught of splashy, full-tilt space madness that one can hardly fail to enjoy it to some degree, on its own oddball terms, as an old-fashioned space opera laced with cheesy 1960s mod stylings and juvenile Monster Kid fun.

THE GREEN SLIME (1968) -- Movie Review by Porfle

DARK STORM -- Movie Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 11/15/10

 

After watching EARTHSTORM with Stephen Baldwin, I thought to myself, "Wow, I sure would like to see another cheapo Canadian ARMAGEDDON-inspired Stephen Baldwin sci-fi movie with the word 'storm' in the title." 

Well, the good folks at the SyFy Channel and Lionsgate must've heard me, because sure enough, here's DARK STORM (2006), a cheapo Stephen Baldwin sci-fi movie made in Canada with the tagline "Armageddon is on the horizon."  Yay...

At least Stephen Baldwin fit the part of a building-demolition expert in EARTHSTORM.  Here, he plays a scientist named Daniel Gray who's part of a secret government project to collect dark matter in space.  (I'm not quite sure what "dark matter" is, but it's one of those neat things like wormholes that you don't really have to understand in order for it to be a cool subject for a sci-fi flick.)  Seeing Stephen Baldwin in a lab coat is like seeing a gorilla wearing a tutu--somehow, the two just don't go together.  I kept expecting his associate Dr. Fred Flintstone to show up at some point so they could sneak out and go bowling together.

Anyway, this project is supposedly being done to benefit Mankind somehow, but the weaselly guy in charge of it, Dr. McKray (Gardiner Millar), turns out to be a dirty rat who's planning to turn the whole thing into a deadly weapon and sell it to the highest international bidder.  While demonstrating it to the visiting General Killion (William B. Davis, better known as Cancer Man from "The X-Files"), who controls the government purse-strings that finance the project, a containment leak in the orbiting dark-matter-collecting satellite is detected and a cloud of dark matter is spreading over the atmosphere.  (Sorry, but I'm just going to have to keep saying "dark matter" a bunch of times during this review.)
 

Dr. McKray doesn't want to lose his funding so he forces the reticent Dr. Baldwin and his coworkers to ignore safety measures and proceed with the demonstration, which causes the dark matter to enter our atmosphere at different points known as "spikes", wreaking all sorts of havoc with the weather and disintegrating airplanes and buildings and stuff.  This is done using that TV-quality kind of CGI that looks pretty good in some scenes and so hot at all in others.

Not only that, but Dr. Baldwin gets exposed to some errant dark matter himself during the botched test, which gives him strange super-powers that enable him to start his car without keys, lob dark-matter fastballs at bad guys, and repel focused beams of destructive dark matter with his mind.  He's Dark Matter Man!  This, too, turns out to be part of the repulsive Dr. McKray's plan to turn himself and everyone else into a race of dark-matter superbeings in order to bring Mankind's evolutionary process to its ultimate peak.  Wow--sounds just crazy enough to work!

It's interesting seeing William B. Davis as a good guy for a change, but without those fake cigarettes he used to chain-smoke on "The X-Files" he doesn't really know what to do with his hands anymore.  Camille Sullivan (THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT), who looks and sounds a bit like Sarah Jessica Parker but I didn't hold it against her, is okay as Dr. Baldwin's wife Ellie, and Keegan Connor Tracy (WHITE NOISE, FINAL DESTINATION 2) does a fairly good job playing the nasty agent of an unnamed government bidding for the dark-matter weapon.  I liked Rob LaBelle (FIDO, "Taken") as Dr. Baldwin's dorky associate Andy--he reminded me of a skinnier, shorter-haired Larry from the Three Stooges. 

Some of the dark-matter storm scenes are pretty cool but there are just enough shots of calamity and destruction, with varying degrees of cartoony-ness, to remind us that this is going on while the talkier, less-expensive scenes take up more running time.  Dr. McKray eventually has Dr. and Mrs. Baldwin kidnapped and taken to his secret dark-matter destructo-beam installation, and it's up to them to find a way to foil his evil scheme.  It all builds to a final super-powered showdown, with predictable results.

I liked EARTHSTORM better because its "Buck Rogers"-type space shuttle mission and other cheesy sci-fi elements were brighter and more fun.  DARK STORM, which is darker, more earthbound, and  a bit dreary at times, is a fairly entertaining time-waster and I didn't hate it, but that's about it.  

DARK STORM -- Movie Review by Porfle

EARTHSTORM -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 10/17/10

 

I really like imminent-doom-from-space movies like ARMAGEDDON, DEEP IMPACT, WHEN WORLDS COLLIDE, and their directionally-inverted counterpart, THE CORE.  The makers of EARTHSTORM (2006) obviously like them, too, because their movie is very similar to these in several ways except a very obvious one: budget.  It's an epic disaster flick scaled down to barely the size of a Sci-Fi Channel movie (which, in fact, it is), with most of the drama taking place in--as Paul's very clean grandad from A HARD DAY'S NIGHT might have put it--a cheap CGI shot and a room, a barebones space shuttle interior and a room, and a room and a room.

After a title sequence that resembles the opening of "Star Trek:The Next Generation", the movie kicks off with the moon being struck by a huge asteroid.  Not only does this send a shower of huge meteorites raining down upon the Earth, but it also causes a gradually-widening crack that threatens to break the moon itself into pieces.  Worldwide weather chaos ensues as well, and we get to see the usual idiot newsguys standing in the middle of it as they breathlessly give us the play-by-play.  The CGI in the "meteors hit city" scenes is okay--not great, but not actually laughable, either.  It's a small-scale disaster, to be sure, but if you scale down your expectations to match, then it's not so bad.

Scientist Lara Gale (Amy Price-Francis) is summoned to the ASI, or "American Space Institute" (which is the equivalent of NASA in the alternate dimension in which this story seems to take place), by her colleague Dr. Garth Pender (John Ralston), to help whip up some kind of solution to the problem.  Lara's late father predicted that this scenario might someday occur and came up with his own theoretical remedy, based on his belief that the interior of the moon was composed mainly of iron.  This, however, was ridiculed by his peers in the scientific community, including the President's current Chief Scientific Advisor, Victor Stevens (Dirk Benedict), one of those characters whose sole purpose is to arbitrarily laugh off all the rational solutions proposed by our heroes and insist on doing things the stupid way.  Benedict, who was Starbuck on the original "Battlestar Galactica" and Face on "The A-Team", is used to playing stupid characters and does a pretty good job here.

The plan, as it is, consists of sending astronauts to the moon to blow up some nukes and cause the crack to collapse in upon itself.  In ARMAGEDDON, the fate of mankind rested on the world's greatest oil driller.  Here, it requires the expertise of ace building-blower-upper John Redding (Stephen Baldwin), who just happens to be the world's greatest demolition expert.  He gets summoned to ASI headquarters, and we just know that before you can say "Press the button, Stamper!", he's gonna end up having to go into space himself to make sure the job gets done right.  Upon hearing the plan, he protests, "I don't know anything about the moon!" to which Dr. Pender responds, "Nobody knows more about how things collapse in on themselves than you."  Well, you can't argue with that.

After a bunch of scenes consisting of people in rooms talking to each other, with a few "ehh" disaster shots thrown in here and there, we get to the film's most gripping sequence: the launch of the shuttle during a furious tropical storm.  With time running out and no backup plan, Redding and the two shuttle pilots must go for broke and take off even as various systems hover in and out of "no-go" status and the storm rages around them.  Things also get pretty tense during the shuttle's approach to the moon through a dense field of debris.  By this time, I wasn't expecting ILM-level effects, so I found these scenes visually adequate.  What sorta had me scratching my head, though, was the fact that they seem to have gravity on board the shuttle.  I guess you just can't simulate having a big lug like Stephen Baldwin floating around weightless without spending some serious cash.

Speaking of which, these Baldwin brothers really are a bunch of big lugs, aren't they?  Don't get me wrong--I like them.  But they look like the kind of guys you'd see hanging out at a Flintstone family reunion.  Alec used to be the slim, handsome one--his "Flintstones" character would probably be a movie star named "Rock Granite" or something--and Stephen was the lanky, kid-brother one.  Daniel, the middle Baldwin, was the original "big lug" type of the three.  Now, they're all starting to look more and more alike as Alec and Stephen's physical appearance begins to move closer toward the middle ground inhabited by Daniel.  A time-lapse montage of close-ups from their movies, in chronological order, would probably look like one of those transformation scenes in THE WOLF MAN.  One of these days we won't even be able to tell them apart, and they'll be able to star in an all-Baldwin remake of WHEN DINOSAURS RULED THE EARTH.

Anyway, once Redding and the astronauts reach the moon, they discover that the nuke plan isn't going to work and that an alternate plan based on the theories of Dr. Gale's late father must be improvised (which will vindicate the old guy at last).  Take that, you dumb old President's Chief Science Advisor!  This leads to a sequence similar to one in APOLLO 13 in which the eggheads at mission control must devise a way to utilize only the equipment and resources available on board the shuttle to conquer the problem.  And a certain level of suspense is maintained as the shuttle is bombarded by debris while the clock ticks down to the point beyond which it will be too late to save the Earth. 

Stephen Baldwin does a good job and is likable in his Barney Rubble kind of way.  The supporting players are good, particularly Matt Gordon as "Albert", one of the eggheads running around mission control like a chicken with its head cut off, and Richard Leacock as "Ollie", the mission control guy who wants to abort the shuttle liftoff.  I also liked Redding's building-demolition helper, Bryna (Anna Silk).  She's very appealing in a "girl-next-door" kind of way.  Does Bryna get together with Redding in the end, like I wanted?  I'll put it this way--no.  GRRRRRRRR!!!  The final romantic pair-ups in this movie are infuriatingly wrong, and made me want to smash the DVD into little pieces, mix it with mashed potatoes and gravy, and eat it, thus symbolizing my total victory over this film and everyone involved. 

But on further reflection, I decided that such a course of action would probably be overdoing it a bit.  After all, EARTHSTORM is just a low-rent sci-fi actioner that is fairly entertaining if you catch it in the right mood, and it's not going to kill me if it doesn't end exactly the way I wanted it to.  But Stephen Baldwin's character and Amy Price-Francis' character ending up together?  Pffft--never gonna work.  Just wait'll she sees how much hair this guy's gonna leave in the tub every time he takes a shower.

EARTHSTORM -- Movie Review by Porfle