Doug Stanhope on Dr. Drew

Ah, yes. Dr. Drew. For those of you that read my Celebrity Rehab recaps from '09-'10, the season with Mikey Starr and the Grandmother of Issues, Mackenzie Phillips, you already know how I feel about him. I think he's exploitative and I also believe at the core of my being that paying for someone to go to rehab is so beyond counter-intuitive that it borders on malpractice. I'll go one further and say that signing someone up for a paid dry-out, which is all CR is, should be against the law, not to mention the perverted nature of this obvious ridiculousness- FILMING IT.

Here's Stanhope's take on it. It's brutal and completely profane. You have been warned.

My New Favorite Crackhead Video

Thanks to World of Wonder.

Celebrity Rehab 5 Supertrailer

It's that time again. On June 26th Dr. Drew is back to making a living off the backs of sensationalizing celebrity addiction. The only person that really fascinates me is Sean Young. I'm mildly interested in Dwight Gooden and Amy Fisher, but Michael Lohan? Who the hell gives a shit about that scumbag? Not me! I am hoping that Sean brings a can of whoopass on his saggy mom jeans wearing butt. He is the sorriest excuse for a famewhore that ever lived, and that includes Dr. Drew, so you know it's bad.


Other 'celebrities' include Bai Ling, Hobie from Baywatch and a chick from Survivor. No sign of Missy, so there's that!

Tags: Celebrity Rehab 5, Reality TV Shows, Reality TV Shows 6

Caption The Housewife, Fog Chow Edition

Talk about the opening of an envelope. Does a paper flap count?

You Don't Want This

Happy 420, Everybody!

We all know who drinks, ALL OF THEM.

We all know who enjoys a little hypoallergenic nose squirt once in a while.

And it's no secret who smears lorazepam on her English Muffin every morning.

BUT, which housewife is the most likely to be smoking pot right now, Lynn Curtin excluded because it's too easy as she is Grand Marshall at the Stoners For Equality March in Huntington Beach, or so I hear.

Disney On Ice

Considering how many little Disney starlets end up abusing alcohol and/or drugs and in rehab, this really isn't all that shocking of a joke. Let's see, there's Xtina, Britney, Demi Lavato, Cubby, Annette.....the list goes on.

Celebrity Rehab Is Full Of Trainwrecks AGAIN

A little birdie from California told me that the Salahi White House party crashers will be on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. What do you suppose their addiction will be, Forcing awkward situations on others? Matricidal mania? Supernatural aggrandized Mendacity? The possibilities are endless!


To make matters worse, Michael Lohan has signed on as well, another liar. This guy hides behind the bible he stole from Motel 6 and thinks morality is a ghost from planet Shapeshifter. The good news is that former MLB pitcher Doc Gooden is on as well, and if we're really, really lucky, he'll kick the shit out of Blohan Senior.

Pic from TMZ

According to TMZ, the other 'celebrities' are Bai Ling, Queen of the nip slip, and Jeremy Jackson, Hobie from Baywatch, both of whom are supposed to be clean, or at least they claimed to be until they found out they could get paid to not be. I hate Dr. Drew. People don't get clean if you pay them to do so. You are just encouraging their feelings of entitlement! The entire premise is corrupt but I'll watch just to see him diagnose Missy with fake MS. THAT, I wanna see.


Update: Only Missy will be doing the show. Tarpface ain't quitting the grape any time soon. As a matter of fact, he's stomping Whole Foods finest as we speak!

Help!

Charlie Sheen is everywhere right now. He's done every talk show known to man, just joined Twitter to further get his grandiose message out there, and TMZ has liver lipid updates practically every half hour. I'm no expert, but this man seems to be in the throes of the spectacular heights of mania. It seems like a cycle- mania, whores, depression (one can only imagine), booze and coke. And now with the threats. Healthy men don't get their children taken away, folks. Not when the judge hands them over to your spouse in rehab and her parents. I feel really bad for those kids. They'll be in therapy by kindergarten. 


But, since we all love a trainwreck, here's the latest mash-up, courtesy of FilmDrunk. It is rife with lines destined to be classic, so snort your rail of Charlie Sheen. There's a new sheriff in town!

Is Stretch A Drunk?

You tell me..

By the way, just watch the first 5 minutes.

It's Friday, Bitches!

If you choose to partake, promise me you won't sound like this.

Trippy Projection Onto A Building

Smoke 'em if you've got 'em.

Boobs Everywhere

I promise to never complain about my boobs ever again. EVER.

http://www.villagevoice.com/slideshow/naked-juggalettes-nsfw-30847080/

Big Cats Like To Get Stoned Too

My head! Is it still attached to my body?

You might want to mute the music. It's pretty freaking annoying.

Lindsay Explains It All Away

Too bad that I can't believe a word of it. This is so clearly a case of a young woman in the throes of a very deep addiction. Almost nothing that comes out of her mouth is based in any sort of reality (except the part about how gawd awful her father is) and her earnest attempt to appear to be answering all the hard questions might be easier to swallow if she didn't have the eyes and bags under them of a 40 year old late shift waitress at Denny's.

Chances are pretty good that she'll end up in jail and then the hospital as she starts to go through withdrawal. The court will probably mandate that she attend some kind of rehab and Dr. Drew will be salivating at the prospect. Everything about this girl's situation is simply awful. Do you think that she brought it on herself by acting like an entitled bitch, or are her abominable famewhore parents to blame? Why do we care? Rubbernecking the trainwreck, I guess.

Good Riddance Tom Sizemore

I'm a busy little recapper at the moment. Celebrity Rehab got posted yesterday and I am so glad that Tom walked out. I hope that he stays gone because I find it absolutley reprehensible to allow him to get paid to be in rehab WITH THE WOMAN HE BEAT UP. Wrong on every level, especially since I love Heidi Fleiss and she deserves a chance at sobriety without having to look at his ugly mug every damn day.
Kari Anne is back and I am calling her Carrion for obvious reasons. What a waste of space. She is truly vile and needs to disappear. I'll help her. I hear that the White Slavery racket can be super fun for former beauty queens these days. Maybe I could arrange a little meet & greet.
Linkypoo-

http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/celebrity-rehab/celebrity-rehab-5-11669.php

Horrible Parenting 101

My latest recap is up at TVgasm and I want to say a big thanks to all of you! You have helped me to become the most read recapper on the website! YAY!
This week was another doozy. I am not buying that Slurry gives a shit about her daughter running wild in Laguna. She cares more about making sure that her dealer doesn't lose her number than she ever did about Alexa partying.
And as for Jimbo? He shocks everyone by continuing to be a nasty chauvanist pig. Oh, and he's packing. Or stuffing his crotch. Don't know, don't care. I am willing to kick him in the groin to find out, though. Who's with me?

Hop on over: http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/real-housewives-of-orange-county/real-housewives-30-11556.php

Oh, The Humanity!

The tears are flowing like a river in West Hollywood at the sight of all that cocaine going up in flames. They had to burn their shoes after filming because they were each walking around with an 8 ball in their treads.
No Reservations starts back up on the Travel Channel this Monday night at 10.

Celebrity Rehab

The past few days have been taken up with one thing- Celebrity Rehab. I watched it three times, recapped it for TVgasm and interviewed the producer. I haven't even watched the Housewives yet, and spoken about Simon filing for divorce! Sheesh. But I'll get to that later.
So, our people this season are Dennis Rodman, Mindy McCready, Mike Starr from Alice In Chains, Makenzie Phillips, Lisa D'Amato from ANTM, Heidi Fleiss, and Joey from Real World Hollywood. Later on we're going to get Tom Sizemore, who producer John Irwin has been trying to get for three years now, and Kari Anne Peniche, former Miss Teen USA.
Oh my God, the hate on the boards for that girl. You'd think she blew Dr. Drew or something. The truth is that she has some pretty serious mental health issues and just in case you were wondering, John assured me that every person who appears on the show is an addict. Some don't know it yet, but they are.
Dennis is turning out to be a big brat, Heidi is surprisingly endearing and Mike Starr gets high with his dad. HIS DAD. There are so many levels of fucked up this season, so I encourage you to read the recap at TVgasm.
Here's the link-

http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/celebrity-rehab/celebrity-rehab-1-11391.php

Chad Visits The Dentist