Happy 420, Everybody!

We all know who drinks, ALL OF THEM.

We all know who enjoys a little hypoallergenic nose squirt once in a while.

And it's no secret who smears lorazepam on her English Muffin every morning.

BUT, which housewife is the most likely to be smoking pot right now, Lynn Curtin excluded because it's too easy as she is Grand Marshall at the Stoners For Equality March in Huntington Beach, or so I hear.

Real Housewives of New Jersey Preview

They remain as classy as ever. The new girls look as bad as Teresa, total bitches with shitty style. Label Whores that think they're Faaaah-byuh-lusssss! 
I think this May I might actually puke on my TV. No lie.

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: It Takes Discipline

Whether you are growing a successful business or trying to make your marriage last, you need a healthy dose of hard work and discipline, not to mention a mean left. 

Oh, Crackie! How we could have used your spanking talents when Slurry's kids were running amok! Don't let it go to waste again. Take a swing at the producers next time and wake them up into writing some decent scenarios. I am nodding off over here!

*Yawn* 

I swear the dog fell off the bed while we were watching. The thud almost drowned out the other dog's snores.

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Jockeying For Position

Like in any good horse race, the fillies of Orange County are sizing each other up and trying to maintain whatever position they have while keeping from falling on their faces and having to be shot. It is not pretty. Actually, it's downright UGLY, just like Tamra's wedding dress, and with boxes just as hideous, I presume.

Let's head out to the track and try not to fall asleep on our mares!

Caption The Housewife, Clitoria Edition

I'm switching things up and doing a plant this time. It's more interesting than these bitches anyway!

Mob Wives

I saw this on Stoopid Housewives site and had to share:

Mob Wives |Full Episodes |Reality Shows |TV Shows
I don't know about you but I'm going to at least give it a shot. I'll watch the first episode just to count how many times they bleep these feral hos and their trashy mouths! EPIC.


Premieres April 17th on VH1, the epicenter of crap television!

Caption The Housewife, Jersey Chasing Hootchie Mama Edition

You Can't Change Who You Are

No matter what, Tiger will be Tiger, even in two dimensions..

From Reddit.

All The Hos Lined Up In Rows and One On the Floh

Well this is good news! First of all, filming has begun on the second season of Beverly Hills. Secondly, everyone is coming back, including Kim and Cameel. Stretch will be there flashing her newly deflated lips and who knows? Maybe we'll get some Charlie Sheen since he's right down the road from Ad! I don't know how I feel about Kim coming back. I hope she had some time to adjust to having an aggressive bitch for a sister on TV as well as real life, and I highly recommend that you read House of Hilton before the next season starts, even if you have to hide it in a brown paper cover so no one knows you're reading it.


Secondly, one of my little birdies told me that Tamra got Roofied by a 'fan' and fell to the ground in the ladies' bathroom. Why would anyone do that to Tammy Sue? Who could do such a thing???

Oops, wrong drink!

Maybe she was giving off so much heat from being so HOT and all that the poor person couldn't take it anymore and simply HAD to have her. Here's hoping that she fell face first and her funbags cushioned the fall. If anyone can find video, I'm paying top dollar for it. I am ready to give you exactly what it's worth, so how's some Top Ramen and a gently used stoner cuff?
Linkypoo: http://www.usmagazine.com/moviestvmusic/news/oc-housewife-tamra-barney-got-roofied-by-a-fan-201173

Caption The Housewife, Baby Rapey Eyes Edition

Okay, you'd think Tamra would have looked better 20 years ago, but no, and what's that I see? A blonde mustache? EEK!

Home Again

Hello, fellow drunken fools! I am back in Cleveland and happy to report that I have recovered from the holiday revelries that left me unresponsive and incoherent on the floor in front of Nana's kitchen. I am fresh and clean as a daisy, or the above floor, after Nana swiffered my drool up, and ready for the new year.

I've missed you all, and I'm eager to hear all your holiday stories, after I berate PC for allowing her Dad access to her iPad and thank JC for the calendar (half naked men! I love you, JC!). 

By the way, I intend to party for at least three more days. I'm just not sure how hard. Love you guys. Hope you had a great holiday. Xoxo 

Caption the Housewife: Name The Baby Edition

Kim Zolziak is with child, as we all know. I weep for the Atlanta school system, and God help Kandi Burress if the wee bugger feels like taking up singing. There's not a whole lot that we can do about that, but let's be pro-active anyway. Name the baby that she's carrying by football player Kroy Biermann. 


I'm thinking Doral for a boy, or Mentholia if it's a girl.

Who's Walking Who?

Everyone on the planet has a caption contest. Why shouldn't we have one too? So, have at Gretchen and Slimy, and please use bad words and inappropriate scenarios. Anything clean will be overlooked by management.