Television Review: KENNY ROGERS AS THE GAMBLER (1980, Dick Lowry)

Stars: 4 of 5.
Running Time: 94 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Kenny Rogers, Bruce Boxleitner (TRON, BABYLON 5), Clu Gulager (TAPEHEADS, THE KILLERS), Harold Gould (THE STING, SILENT MOVIE), Lee Purcell (MR. MAJESTYK, VALLEY GIRL), Noble Willingham (CHINATOWN, NORMA RAE, THE HOWLING). Song "The Gambler" written by Don Schlitz and performed by Kenny Rogers.
Tag-line: "You Got To Know When To Hold 'Em, Know When To Fold Em... "
Best one-liner: "The question is... which two of you are willing to take the bullets?"

It was bound to happen. One of the great narrative songs of the modern era had to be turned into one of the great television movies of the modern era. And what a song it is. Written by a man named Don Schlitz, it sees a meeting between two gamblers on a train bound for nowhere, fast. The elderly gambler offers the younger cardsharp some (now legendary) advice in exchange for his last swallow of whiskey. After taking that final swig, the elderly gambler dispenses his advice, puts out his cigarette, and dies. For the record, Kenny Rogers sings the song in character as the younger man, yet in the movie he plays the older character with Bruce Boxleitner as the up-and-comer. Also, the whole 'dying' bit was excised (there were four sequels).

Kenny Rogers petitions Boxleitner for his final sip of whiskey.

Anyway, Kenny Rogers stars as Brady Hawkes, a dude who knows when to hold 'em, knows when to fold 'em, knows when to walk away, knows when to run, and who never counts his money when he's sitting at the table because there shall plenty of time to calculate one's winnings after the game has drawn to a close.


Personal hero Clu Gulager co-stars as a woman-stealin', kid-nappin', gunslingin' Kenny Rogers nemesis. Gulager, as always, shines like a artistic supernova, packing the surly 'Rufe Bennett' with so much pathos that you nearly are rooting for him. Bruce Boxleitner even gets in on the action as the up-and-comer gambler ready to take up Kenny's mantle. But when the cards fall, the chips are down, and there's no more aces left in holes, things aren't as black and white as you'd think. THE GAMBLER ends up being about how tough life is for us all– no heroes here. No villains here. Just regular folk tryin' to catch a break.

And now I shall end with a montage of screen captures of Clu Gulager in his natural habitat.

CLU GULAGER RUNS A SALOON AND EXUDES PATHOS


CLU GULAGER GETS THE LADIES AND GRINS LIKE A SMART-ALECK


CLU GULAGER WILL MIX YOU A DRINK


CLU GULAGER WILL STRIKE A CHILD IF HE HAS TO



CLU GULAGER WILL...get punched out by Kenny Rogers?- Ah, well, Clu was always subject to ignominious defeats, just watch THE KILLERS.

So alright, gents, I'm gonna raise you four stars. And then I'm gonna fold. Gonna walk away and leave you with 'em. Why? Cause you earned 'em, goddammit.

-Sean Gill

Film Review: MACSHAYNE: WINNER TAKES ALL (1994, E.W. Swackhamer)

Stars: 3 of 5.
Running Time: 100 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Kenny Rogers, Terry O' Quinn (John Locke on TV's LOST and THE STEPFATHER), Barry Newman (THE LIMEY and VANISHING POINT), Wendy Phillips (TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL, BIG LOVE, and MACSHAYNE: THE FINAL ROLL OF THE DIE).
Tag-line: "Kenny Rogers is MacShayne. A man who knows when to hold 'em, and knows when to fold 'em."
Best one-liner: "MacShayne!"


"If you wanna continue to blame me for what happened with you and your wife, go ahead. If it makes you feel better. But you need to stop thinking that everyone out here is a cheat and a liar. You know, Andy, I wasn't the only one she came on to. SHE WENT FOR EVERYTHING THAT MOVED. And in your heart, you know that. Did you ever start to think that you might be better off without her?"

Damn! That MacShayne doles out the harsh truths! Kenny Rogers IS MacShayne, and this film is directed by tv-movie maestro E.W. Swackhamer. I imagine this movie was conceived by a TV-screenwriter (in actuality, Michael Gleason, creator of REMINGTON STEELE) who fell asleep one night with the T.V. on. First, OCEAN'S 11 was on. It was followed by a DR. QUINN, MEDICINE WOMAN and WALKER, TEXAS RANGER marathon. The screenwriter subconsciously absorbed some of this material. Groggy and bleary-eyed the next morning, he had the compulsion to write. And this is what he wrote- it's exactly what you would imagine. But there's some good stuff going on. There's a MIDI-synth-heavy soundtrack with lots of 'Western zest' flavor, there's VANISHING POINT's Barry Newman and LOST's Terry O'Quinn (both imbuing their roles with WAY more pathos than was required; Terry making his villain, like THE STEPFATHER, frustrated and sympathetic),

There's really awkward transitions and montage sequences that beg a return to film school, and there's a fantastic moralizing scene where MacShayne foils Terry O'Quinn's evil plans by raising the self-esteem of one of his cogs via an anonymous phone call ("Sheldon, you are doing a wonderful job."). And then it all ends on a freeze frame.


The instant you underestimate MacShayne, talk about how lame he is, and how you're gonna beat him at cards- BOOM! There he is, looking all self-satisfied. And then you're like 'Why you look so self-satisfied, MacShayne?" And he's like, "Cause I foiled your plans." And then you look behind your shoulder and damned if your plans aren't foiled.

Three stars of zany TV movie fun and kiddie-level Mamet. If you like it, be sure to check out MACSHAYNE: THE FINAL ROLL OF THE DICE.

-Sean Gill