Showing posts with label Lorenzo Lamas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lorenzo Lamas. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 24, 2024

Only now does it occur to me... EXCESSIVE FORCE (1993)

Only now does it occur to me... that Thomas Ian Griffith––performer of THE KARATE KID III's notorious, coke-addled villain Terry Silver––is... an auteur!

Yes, as they say in the action biz, he "pulled a Stallone"––he wrote, produced, and starred in this fine film, called EXCESSIVE FORCE. 

 

Though it wasn't the starmaker that New Line had hoped, I think he deserved this as much as Steven Seagal or Chuck Norris, whose respective films HARD TO KILL (1990) and THE HITMAN (1991) are tonally similar to EXCESSIVE FORCE, feature a similar amount of mullets, and are really no better or worse.


TIG is certainly a better actor, blow by blow, than Seagal or Norris

Also, this movie really capitalizes on Thomas Ian Griffith's piano playing––as COBRA KAI would also, decades later––and while he's playing a tough cop whose real passion is being a jazz musician, it's hard not to think about John Woo's HARD BOILED and its resident, clarinet-blasting Inspector Tequila.



TIG wielding Woo-style double-pistol action, as well

And with its Chicago-set, "mobsters and corrupt cops vs. one last virtuous hero-cop" plotline, it's hard not to see this as a pure mashup of HARD BOILED and THE UNTOUCHABLES. I wonder if TIG was up for the Billy Drago role in that?

 
The "Capone" here is ROCKY's Burt Young

Speaking of which, there are a shocking amount of top-shelf character actors rounding out this film.

James Earl Jones (R.I.P.) continues his '80s run of non-prestige action flicks, continuing in the vein of ALLAN QUATERMAIN AND THE LOST CITY OF GOLD and BEST OF THE BEST. Here, he plays a pathos-exuding friend of Thomas Ian Griffith, who also plays a mean jazz saxophone.


SQEEEEEEAD-ELLY-DEE


As always, so much pathos


We have the incomparable Lance Henriksen as TIG's creepy, cigar-chomping boss, 



Tony Todd as a (possibly) nefarious fellow cop,


and TIG's leg extension is basically a supporting character, in and of itself.

KARATE KID references abound. TIG's character name is "Terry," just as it is in THE KARATE KID PART III. He also sings "Danny Boy" in one of his first scenes; it's no coincidence that "Danny Boy" was one of the insults he flung at Daniel LaRusso in KK3.

Along the way, there are a lot of high-kicks, explosive squibs, jazz riffs, moody lighting choices, asymmetrical earrings, B-roll shots of the Chicago River, and the whole thing ends with a kitten exchange in a hospital.


TIG and JEJ both love kittens, what can I say

In the end, I am left with a strong desire to see NIGHT OF THE WARRIOR (1991), a film also written by Thomas Ian Griffith and starring... Lorenzo Lamas.


Wednesday, August 15, 2018

Only now does it occur to me... GLITTER (2001)

Only now does it occur to me... that Mariah Carey's much-reviled 2001 film GLITTER contains an obscure reference to the seminal '80s trashterpiece BODY ROCK. This brings me much joy––a joy of the sort that GLITTER mostly deprived this viewer: it's just not as much cheesy fun as it should be.

Technically a period piece set in 1983, the plot revolves around Mariah Carey's character, "Billie," attempting to claw her way to the top of the music industry so she may reign as queen of the pop idols. After one of her concerts, she meets a potential manager (note his shirt patterned with CD-ROMS––er, I mean, '80s gold records) and the following exchange takes place:
He just signed Chilly-D!  That would be Lorenzo Lamas' character from BODY ROCK––a man who is similarly attempting a frantic claw to stardom. Chilly elucidates the triumph of being signed by a record label in one of the finest and most notorious monologues in film history (beginning at 4:07 in the video below):
Truly, who could forget lines like, "All you need is management," "Yo, this cut? Very big in Europe this season," "It's a live ride!," and "Manager says next step––def cut a record!" And in this BODY ROCK homage, GLITTER flirts with the film that it perhaps wanted to be––(or at least the film that I wanted it to be), and then resumes business as usual: as the worst kind of vanity project. In any event, I don't think I've been this proud about spotting an obscure paracinematic reference in a moderately obscure paracinematic movie since they paid a roundabout homage to HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH in CHILD'S PLAY 3.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Only now does it occur to me... GREASE

Only now does it occur to me...  international superstar Lorenzo Lamas is in GREASE.

I suppose that I'm 34 years late in noticing this.  I'd seen the film a few times in childhood, as my sister had the VHS.  I guess you're a kid, you're at a certain age, and you don't really care about the subtler joys in life, subtle joys like the acting career of Lorenzo Lamas.  Well now, years later, and all the richer from multiple viewings of films like BODY ROCK and SNAKE EATER, I can go back, watch GREASE, and appreciate every dimension of a nuanced Lamas performance.  

 LORENZO LAMAS WILL USE THE HAMMER


LORENZO LAMAS WILL GIVE YOU JUKEBOX MONEY IN FRONT OF SOMETHING THAT THE CORPORATE OVERLORDS SAW FIT TO BLUR FOR THE DVD

 LORENZO LAMAS WILL LET YOU MOTHER HIM WHILE TRAVOLTA WATCHES

 I really have nothing else to add.

Friday, March 9, 2012

GIANT OSCAR MESS: Best Puppet

In my continuing coverage of GIANT OSCAR MESS (best described HERE), I present to you the nominees for final category: BEST PUPPET IN A MOTION PICTURE

And the winner was...

...Lorenzo Lamas, a win made all the more shocking because he wasn't even nominated. Mr. Lamas himself (impersonator Eric Schmalenberger) even accepted the award, in character. It's a live ride!

Saturday, March 3, 2012

GIANT OSCAR MESS: Best Wackified Solo Dance

In my continuing coverage of GIANT OSCAR MESS (best described HERE), I present to you the nominees for BEST WACKIFIED SOLO DANCE IN A MOTION PICTURE. And the winner was... ....Mark Patton in A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 2, for special achievement in multi-tasking between doing a wackified solo dance and completing his housework. (to be continued...)

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Giant Oscar Mess: Best (Non-Dance) Duel

In my continuing coverage of GIANT OSCAR MESS (best described HERE), I present to you the nominees for BEST (NON-DANCE) DUEL IN A MOTION PICTURE. Lorenzo Lamas continues on as the Meryl Streep of the GIANT OSCAR MESS and Junta Juleil faves Michael Ironside and Jean-Claude Van Damme enter the fray.

You can watch the clips HERE. (The vast corporate flagging device built-in to YouTube has disabled embedding.)




And the winner was...

...Jean-Claude Van Damme...

...vs. Truck.

(To be continued)

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

GIANT OSCAR MESS: Best Fight Dance

In my continuing coverage of GIANT OSCAR MESS (best described HERE), I present to you the nominees for BEST FIGHT DANCE IN A MOTION PICTURE.


And the winner was...

...a Bunch of Italians and a Guy in an Owl Mask in STAGEFRIGHT.

(To be continued)

Monday, February 27, 2012

GIANT OSCAR MESS: Best Monologue

Greeting and salutations! GIANT OSCAR MESS (best described HERE) was performed and projected last night at the Bowery Poetry Club, and it was fairly redunkulous, as I had hoped. Life imitated art, also, as Jillaine's performance as Sean Young found resolution in an actual headline from this morning. In any event, for those of you who couldn't make it, I decided to post the nominee videos that were projected last night, one at at time. This one's for BEST MONOLOGUE.

And the winner was....

...Gary Busey.

(To be continued)

Sunday, February 26, 2012

GIANT OSCAR MESS: And the nominees are...

Tonight at 9:30 p.m. (doors open at 9) at the Bowery Poetry Club (308 Bowery between Houston and Bleecker, take the F train to 2nd Ave, or the 6 to Bleecker) will be GIANT OSCAR MESS!!! $10 at the door. Combining live performance, singers, dancers, comics, and hosted by Sean Young (Jillaine Gill) and Christian Slater (Sean Gill), the GIANT OSCAR MESS will deliver awards to the films that really deserve them– And the nominees are... BEST MONOLOGUE IN A MOTION PICTURE: Lorenzo Lamas in SNAKE EATER Gary Busey in SURVIVING THE GAME Lorenzo Lamas in BODY ROCK BEST FIGHT DANCE IN A MOTION PICTURE Lorenzo Lamas and Day-Glo Skeletons in BODY ROCK A Bunch of Italians and a Guy in an Owl Mask in STAGEFRIGHT Rob Stone and the Purple Falcons in ACE HITS THE BIG TIME BEST NON-DANCE DUEL IN A MOTION PICTURE Jean-Claude Van Damme vs. Truck in HARD TARGET Ninja vs. Office Worker in REVENGE OF THE NINJA Lorenzo Lamas vs. Biker Karate Gang in SNAKE EATER Man vs. Ghoulie in GHOULIES II Michael Ironside vs. Subway train in HIGHLANDER 2: THE QUICKENING Jean-Claude Van Damme vs. Snake in HARD TARGET BEST WACKIFIED SOLO DANCE IN A MOTION PICTURE James Remar in RENT-A-COP Michael Moriarty in TROLL Lorenzo Lamas in BODY ROCK Mark Patton in NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 2: FREDDY'S REVENGE Connie McFarland in TROLL 2 BEST DANCE OF SEDUCTION IN A MOTION PICTURE Ed Harris & Elizabeth Regan in CREEPSHOW Kristy McNichol and Christopher Atkins in THE PIRATE MOVIE Deborah Reed and David McConnell in TROLL 2 John Travolta and Jamie Lee Curtis in PERFECT Construction Worker and the Female Sex in CAN'T STOP THE MUSIC BEST PUPPET IN A MOTION PICTURE Satan and Killer Starfish in ROCK N' ROLL NIGHTMARE Mac in MAC AND ME The Kids in THE GARBAGE PAIL KIDS THE MOVIE Freddy's Kids in NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 3: DREAM WARRIORS Munchie in MUNCHIE Hope to see you there!

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Next Sunday: GIANT OSCAR MESS at the Bowery Poetry Club

As part of my ongoing series as an artist-in-residence at the Bowery Poetry Club:

Next Sunday, February 26th at 9:30 p.m. (doors open at 9) at the Bowery Poetry Club (308 Bowery between Houston and Bleecker, take the F train to 2nd Ave, or the 6 to Bleecker) will be Junta Juleil's retort to the Academy Awards– the GIANT OSCAR MESS. Combining live performance, singers, dancers, comics, and hosted by Sean Young (Jillaine Gill) and Christian Slater (Sean Gill), the GIANT OSCAR MESS will deliver awards to the films that really deserve them (and screen a variety of short, mind-blowing clips therein); films like PERFECT, TROLL 2, THE GARBAGE PAIL KIDS MOVIE, BODY ROCK, MUNCHIE, THE PIRATE MOVIE, ROCK N' ROLL NIGHTMARE, RENT-A-COP, MAC AND ME, TEEN WITCH, ACE HITS THE BIG TIME, DEATH WISH 3, SALSA, A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 2, and many, many more. $10 at the door.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Film Review: THE RAGE (1997, Sidney J. Furie)

Stars: 3 of 5. Running Time: 93 minutes. Notable Cast or Crew: Roy Scheider, Lorenzo Lamas, Gary Busey, David Carradine, Kristen Cloke, Brandon Smith, director Sidney J. Furie (THE IPCRESS FILE, IRON EAGLE). Tag-lines: " On The Run...And Running Out Of Time!" Best one-liners: Maybe "Go baiick to FBI school!" THE RAGE: MYTH VERSUS FACT EDITION: MYTH: Lorenzo Lamas is leading man material. FACT: Lamas makes Keanu Reeves look like Sir John Gielgud. Lamas plays a FBI hostage negotiator here. This is the guy who couldn't even pretend to do 'the worm' in BODY ROCK- so how in the hell can he pull off 'tough-as-nails G-man?' Well, he can't. The 90's gold and maroon ties he's wearing here are busier than Grand Central Station and more horrific than any of the crime scenes. MYTH: Busey and Roy Scheider get a lot of screentime. FACT: It focuses on Lamas and a woman who they keep referring to as "Dick Tracy in high heels." MYTH: This film tackles tough subjects like Waco. FACT: It's like a 20/20 Waco special combined with COBRA. They even try to infer that Waco was Scheider's fault. Lamas is hard-hitting: "There's obstruction of justice, all right, pal...and it's YOU!" MYTH: Scheider beats the stuffing out of Lorenzo. FACT: I wish. He gets one good punch in, and then is hog-tied by Lamas. WHYYY?! MYTH: The wild Busey is tamed by Lorenzo. FACT: Busey couldn't care less. He's doin' his own thing. He's covered in lipstick in one scene, camo in another. He flings a severed head. He calls his cult 'The Death Stars' and refers to his victims as 'squirrels.' He mumbles about redemption and genital mutilation. At one point, Busey captures Dick Tracy in high heels, gets his ginormous teeth in her face in an epic closeup, and whispers "What maikes you think you know so much, when you're so ignorant!" How is Lorenzo able to chase the van on foot for so long? I think the blonde wig-wearing woman is trying to channel Parker Posey. And will the bearded dude shoosh for a second so I can clearly hear every last Busey gem? As you can see, this sort of situation arises a lot in this movie. More excuses for the pounding 90's action soundtrack, low-angle shots of Busey's ginormous teeth, and Lorenzo wimpily giving chase. MYTH: This movie has a great finale. FACT: It ends with like four or five pages of text epilogue about surviving characters we couldn't give a shit about. Come on! ARE YOU SERIOUS ? Three stars for Busey, Scheider, and the bizarro cameo from David Carradine. Could have been five stars if the ending was Busey and Scheider alternating boot stamps on Lorenzo's face, but I guess we can't win 'em all. -Sean Gill