Only now does it occur to me... HAIL, CAESAR! (2016)

Only now does it occur to me... that the Coen Brothers must be closet HIGHLANDER fans. Why else would they cast Clancy "The Kurgan" Brown:

and Christopher "Connor 'The Highlander' MacLeod" Lambert:

in the same film? (aside from the fact that they're both great, and wield a mean broadsword).  With Sean Connery retired, I suppose my only complaint is that Michael Ironside didn't make the cut.

Regardless, this film does not in fact revolve around HIGHLANDER sequel/prequel fan-fictions, though from the standpoint of a character-actor fan, it has much to offer. Amid the pastiche of Busby Berkeley and Vincente Minnelli-style musical numbers, there are wonderful bits by Robert Picardo as a finicky, test audience rabbi:

Fisher Stevens (who really knows how to make an entrance) as a furtive, blacklisted screenwriter:

Tilda Swinton in dual roles as twin-sister gossip columnists:

and Dolph Lundgren as the silhouette of a Russian submarine captain:

(since it's the 1950s,  I can't tell if he's Ivan Drago's father, or the father of his henchman from A VIEW TO A KILL). 

Sure, it's no BARTON FINK, but I enjoyed it.

Film Review: THE HURT LOCKER (2009, Kathryn Bigelow)

Stars: 4.8 of 5.
Running Time: 131 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Jeremy Renner, Anthony Mackie, Brian Geraghty, Guy Pearce, Ralph Fiennes, David Morse, Evangeline Lilly, Christian Camargo (DEXTER, K-19: THE WIDOWMAKER).
Tag-line: "You'll know when you're in it."
Best one-liner: "That's a good one. That's spoken like a wild man. That's good."

Kathryn Bigelow has built a career out of making immersive, visceral action films that try to duplicate the experience of the first-person adrenaline rush, whether it be through skydiving (POINT BREAK), watching someone else's memories (STRANGE DAYS), the dangerous thrill of joining up with vampires (NEAR DARK), or a rookie cop's first harrowing day on the job (BLUE STEEL). And because her movies are largely balls-to-the-wall potboilers, she has often found herself critically denigrated as existing only in the shadow of her ex-husband, James Cameron. Well, with THE HURT LOCKER, it appears that Bigelow has made a film that satisfies the arthouse palate and the shoot 'em up enthusiast alike (and one which quite cleverly bridges this gap by never overtly waxing political).

The film focuses on a bomb squad whose entire existence is perpetually a hair's breadth away from instantaneous, explosive, 'internal organs flying through the air' death. The trio of actors who bring them to life are Jeremy Renner (who seems destined for stardom- and is the spitting image of a young Rainer Werner Fassbinder!),

Renner vs....

...young Fassbinder in LOVE IS COLDER THAN DEATH.

Anthony Mackie (THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE remake, 8 MILE), and Brian Geraghty (JARHEAD, ART SCHOOL CONFIDENTIAL). Their tangible camaraderie and incredible commitment bestow the narrative with a palpable spine. Renner's character embraces the raw power inherent in not giving a fuck about living or dying (see also: Terence Stamp in THE HIT), and it is a joy (albeit one on tenterhooks) to watch. The celebrity bit parts (Guy Pearce, Ralph Fiennes, David Morse) are notable because Bigelow doesn't give a shit that they're famous. They could deliver a few hilarious lines or they could die without fanfare and Bigelow is not going to kowtow to their fame by lingering. In fact, everything's handled with Jacques Becker-style restraint and attention to detail: the barracks mean boredom, faux-wood paneling, and cheap booze; the field means staring down the scope of a sniper rifle for three hours and taking a much-deserved sip of Capri Sun.

In short, it’s the best bomb disposal movie since THE SMALL BACK ROOM.

Side note: (And the best use of Ministry's music since that Labatt Maximum Ice HIGHLANDER 2 commercial with Michael Ironside back in '93.)

-Sean Gill

Film Review: RED DRAGON (2002, Brett Ratner)

Stars: 1 of 5.
Running Time: 124 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Anthony Hopkins, Edward Norton, Harvey Keitel, Emily Watson, Mary-Louise Parker, Philip Seymour Hoffmann, Anthony Heald, Ken Leung, Anthony Heald, Ralph Fiennes, Lalo Schifrin, Mary Beth Hurt, Ellen Burstyn, Danny Elfman.
Tag-lines: "Before the Silence, there was the Dragon." AND "To understand the origin of evil, you must go back to the beginning." AND "Meet Hannibal Lecter For The First Time."
Best one-liner: "There's nothing wrong with you... except your hair. Your hair is a train wreck." (Also note that this quote in no way pertains to the actual bad hair at hand described in notation #4.)

My mind is blown. This got fairly solid notices- glowing raves from the Washington Post, Variety, Time, and Film Threat? Ebert loved this?! Gone is the class, restraint, and artfulness of Mann's original masterpiece, MANHUNTER.

Here's ten reasons why RED DRAGON is one of the most embarrassing movies of the decade:

#1. Keitel. If Keitel is phonin' it in, you've got problems. He didn't even phone it in for MONKEY TROUBLE.

The barometer for this is Keitel nudity. There's a scene where Keitel’s asleep. The Keitel I know and love would have, at the very least, been shirtless. A committed Keitel would have been doing full frontal. The fact that he didn't give a shit when even Ralph Fiennes is getting some naked screen time speaks VOLUMES. His eyes are telling me,"I'm only on set for 5 days, thank God." This sets the tone for everyone phoning it in, even the sprightly Emily Watson.

#2. Clumsy exposition. We start right off with a Lifetime movie montage of clippings and carefully designed "psycho" scrap-booking.

Yep, they just watched SE7EN. Also, aural flashbacks involving an old lady whispering and white flashes are really corny, even when that old lady is Ellen Burstyn.

#3. Later, when they're altering the ending (!), they steal a cue from Argento's OPERA. The ole 'wrong-body-got-shot-and-set-on-fire-switcheroo.' It's not exactly a good fit when your milquetoast American serious serial killer drama is hamfistedly stealing outrageously hilarious twists from Italians.

#4. Ed Norton's hair.

There's some kind of blonde highlights with roots showing going on that makes no sense for a normal human, much less an FBI agent. 

#5.The dungeon prison cell.

I understand you're trying to make the space that Hannibal inhabits be 'epically scary.' But when the rest of your film is attempting realism, to have a super-stylized, over-the-top gothic castle dungeon lair (immaculately adorned with shafts of natural light) as Lector's cell is redunkulous. MANHUNTER managed to be creepier with a sterile, standard, realistic space.

#6. Criminal misuse of Danny Elfman. Here, he's just a puppet for their gauche, graceless "scare stingers."

#7. And what happened to Frank Whaley?!


#8. Fiennes, though by no fault of his own.

You don't have your disfigured, self-loathing serial killer played by one of the most attractive people on the planet. That's not how it's done. Ask Tom Noonan how it’s done.

#9. This tableau:

Chekhov sez: if a tableau such as this appears in the first act; Mary-Louise Parker must save Ed Norton by remembering her target practice and shooting the killer in the last act. Actually, I could probably discard all of my talking points and just present this freeze-frame as evidence of this film's lame-itude.

#10. Stop TELLING me about the characters and start SHOWING me. What Mann conveys in a simple shot, Ratner TELLS through an awkward exchange of unnatural dialogue. And the tacked-on SILENCE OF THE LAMBS-segue ending is as laughably harebrained as Anakin building C-3PO. One star.


Side note: The silver lining in all this is Anthony Heald, who realizes how dumb this movie is and manages to at least have fun with it.

He's like Nick Nolte combined with John Glover as directed by Douglas Sirk, and that is amazing.

-Sean Gill