Only now does it occur to me... FALLING IN LOVE (1984)

Only now does it occur to me... that I must say a few words about the romantic drama FALLING IN LOVE (1984), which, despite being generally forgotten today, seems to have maintained a small but fierce cult following. 

I could tell you that it stars Meryl Streep and Robert De Niro, and that they have been occasionally celebrated for their chemistry here despite De Niro coming across as brooding and sinister even in moments like their Christmas meet-cute, whereupon they accidentally collide with heaping bags of Christmas presents including the clichéd "pair of skis with a bow on it," which, I would wager, is gifted far more often in Hallmark movies than in real life.

I could tell you that it's inspired mostly by David Lean and Noel Coward's seminal BRIEF ENCOUNTER (1945),

 

which means that the two are already married, and their long-suffering spouses are played by, respectively, MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE's Jane Kaczmarek

and David Clennon ("Palmer" from John Carpenter's THE THING).

 

I could tell you that it features bit parts by Victor Argo (KING OF NEW YORK, THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST), Frances Conroy (SIX FEET UNDER, THE AVIATOR), and Kenneth Welsh ("Windom Earle" on TWIN PEAKS), but in larger supporting roles, it manages to completely waste both multi-Oscar winner Dianne Wiest (HANNAH AND HER SISTERS, EDWARD SCISSORHANDS) 

 and Harvey Keitel (TAXI DRIVER, RESERVOIR DOGS).

They languish in rote The Best Friend™ roles, dramaturgically existing only when they're on screen, to be used as nothing more than generic sounding boards for the protagonists.

But what I want to tell you about FALLING IN LOVE is that one of Streep and De Niro's first dates takes place in Manhattan's iconic Chinatown.

And that said date leads them to a peculiar 1970s arcade, where they are able to place coins in a machine to... play tic-tac-toe against a live chicken.

 

This was clearly a real, found location (the Chinatown Fair on Mott Street), featuring this incredible bit of bizarro entertainment. I love that the chicken makes its moves from a "Thinkin' Booth."

 

 

 

 

 

I love that De Niro gets in an argument with the chicken because it keeps winning.

 

 

 

 

I love that the prize it pays out is supposedly "a large bag of fortune cookies if you beat the chicken."

 

 

I love that when the chicken defeats you, there's a light-up sign announcing, "BIRD WINS."

 

This feels like something out of Werner Herzog's STROZEK (1978), which features the absurdist closing image of a coin-operated "dancing chicken" machine. 

 

This is the unequivocal high point of FALLING IN LOVE, and on this subject, I'm afraid I cannot be swayed.

See also: my thoughts on the animatronic bar fixture "Dirty Gertie" in Robert Altman's THREE WOMEN (1977).

Only now does it occur to me... THAT'S THE WAY OF THE WORLD (1975)

Only now does it occur to me... first off, that there even was an Earth, Wind, & Fire movie. Nice! Secondly, only now does it occur to me... that the Earth, Wind, & Fire movie stars... Harvey Keitel.

 

Er...what?

That's right: THAT'S THE WAY OF THE WORLD has about fifteen minutes of screen-time for EW&F––the audience's key draw to this film in the first place.

Keitel, who plays "Buckmaster" the record exec (this is mumbled on many occasions and definitely sounds more like the BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD-esque "Buttmuncher"), butts heads with his superiors as he tries to bring Earth, Wind, and Fire mainstream success (in the film, they are referred to as "The Group"). I get that the film's "project" is to realistically show the white stranglehold on the music industry, but so much of the film is just boring dudes chatting in stuffy offices and cocktail parties. EW&F gets, essentially, two concert setpieces––one at a roller disco,

and an arena show meant as the grand finale. The latter, however, is mostly just Keitel bobbing his head awkwardly while he watches EW&F play.

Imagine if CAN'T STOP THE MUSIC was just Steve Guttenberg and no Village People. If A HARD DAY'S NIGHT was entirely Paul's creepy grandfather with a couple Beatles songs. I guess that's the way of the world, or something. As the saying goes:

"Where were you when the stardust hit the fan?"

Only now does it occur to me... DEATH WATCH (1980)

Only now does it occur to me... that I would ever see Harvey Keitel trying to strangle Harry Dean Stanton while Max von Sydow tries to stop the violence.





The circumstances of this assault involve a sleazy television producer (Stanton) and his "camera-man" with cameras installed in his eyeballs via science-fictional contrivance (Keitel). Keitel has been tasked with filming the voyeuristic drama of woman's (Romy Schneider) excruciating death in a world where illness has otherwise almost been eradicated. Max von Sydow is the dying woman's husband.

The film––made in 1980 and directed by Bertrand Tavernier––is melancholy as hell and beautifully photographed by Pierre-William Glenn (DAY FOR NIGHT, COUP DE TORCHON). It's based on a spectacular novel called THE CONTINUOUS KATHERINE MORTENHOE (1973) by D.G. Compton which is said (and rightfully so) to have predicted the trajectory of reality television. I  recommend both works––especially the film, which feels very proto-Atom Egoyan in its assessment of an alienating mediascape.

Only now does it occur to me... POINT OF NO RETURN (1993)

Only now does it occur to me... that John Badham's lukewarm remake of LA FEMME NIKITA contains a romantic scene that was surely intended to be as iconic as the pasta slurping from THE LADY AND THE TRAMP or at least the food montage from 9 1/2 WEEKS––but instead, it lands about as well as the "Sexy V8" sequence from NINJA III: THE DOMINATION. To set the scene: as in LA FEMME NIKITA, Bridget Fonda plays a junkie turned assassin who's looking for a human connection. She makes one with "90s nice guy" Dermot Mulroney, who picks up one of her off-brand Chef Boyardee ravioli cans after she drops it in the grocery.

This, naturally, leads to a dinner, whereupon, like Constance Leonore Gielgud in TROLL 2, she decides that the best seduction tactic is to take the generic canned ravioli and feed it to Mulroney with her mouth.









I especially love the look of "discount marinara-sauce clown mouth" satisfaction afterward.

While on the whole it can't touch its progenitor NIKITA, there's a few things to like (or be fascinated by) here, like the muscular Hans Zimmer score with Enya-esque wailing; a bit part by Miguel Ferrer:

(who is essentially playing it as if Bob Morton survived ROBOCOP and took his job more seriously); Anne Bancroft as the mistress of "Assassin Charm School" (a role played by Jeanne Moreau in the original):
 
and finally, Harvey Keitel as the Terminator-esque badass The Cleaner,

a role perfected by Jean Reno in the original, but given an even more ominous (and overtly villainous) twist by Harvey Keitel, who is always welcome, no matter the context.

Only now does it occur to me... BLINDSIDE (1987)

Only now does it occur to me... that there's only one venue where one can see Harvey Keitel with an Abe Lincoln beard playing a washed-up scientist-turned-sleazy hotel manager in a poor man's 80s remake of THE CONVERSATION. That venue is "BLINDSIDE."

From the director (Paul Lynch) and composer (Paul Zaza) of PROM NIGHT, comes an experiment in suspense and watered-down De Palma. Keitel features neither of his trademarks: gratuitous full-frontal nudity, nor extended scream-weeping. (See also: BAD LIEUTENANT.)


For a variety of reasons, just trust me when I say you're better off skippin' this one.

Only now does it occur to me... WISE GUYS

Only now does it occur to me...  four quick things.  WISE GUYS is a sorta mediocre mobster comedy from Brian De Palma starring Danny DeVito and Joe Piscapo.  Laugh-worthy and groan-worthy moments appear in equal measure; approach at your own risk, depending on your tolerance level for zany Italian-American hijinks.  But here are four quick things that I appreciated:

#1.  "The De Palma Shot."  One of De Palma's trademark shots is the composite of two different shots so that characters in the foreground and the distance both appear in focus without sacrificing the depth of field he likes.  Danny DeVito at this point in time was most famous for playing a character on TV's TAXI named "Louie De Palma."  So here, in all of it's glory is Louie De Palma in a De Palma movie in a De Palma shot:

That's a lotta De Palma, but that's the way I like it.

#2.  DeVito's De Niro impersonation.  Because no comedy would be complete without a groundbreaking send-up of the "You Talkin' To Me?" sequence from TAXI DRIVER.  Ordinarily I'd roll my eyes at this– but DeVito's De Niro is actually pretty good!

#3.  The many loves of Rhea Perlman.  WISE GUYS features real-life Perlman husband DeVito, as well as fictional husband Dan Hedaya (who played "Nick Tortelli" on CHEERS).  How 'bout that?

#4.  WISE GUYS features a scene which I shall describe without comment:

A mob Fixer (wrestling's "Captain" Lou Albano) throws a profanity-laced hissy fit in the presence of casino owner Harvey Keitel.

 Keitel shuts him down by saying this isn't Newark and he should watch his language,

which leads to the exquisite mortification of Captain Lou

 

 and the shit-eating brilliance of Harvey Keitel.

 

Carry on.  WISE GUYS, ladies and gentlemen.