Film Review: HIGHLANDER III: THE FINAL DIMENSION (1994, Andrew Morahan)

Stars: 2 of 5.         
Running Time: 99 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Christopher Lambert (HIGHLANDER, SUBWAY, HAIL CAESAR!), Mario Van Peebles (RAPPIN', HEARTBREAK RIDGE), Deborah Kara Unger (CRASH, THE GAME), Mako (CONAN THE BARBARIAN, PACIFIC HEIGHTS).
Tag-line: "One man was chosen to protect all that is good. Now an enemy from the past journeys time to challenge him in the present."
Best one-liner: "There can be only one?"

HIGHLANDER III: THE FINAL DIMENSION must partake in some majestic retconning and narrative gymnastics to even justify its existence. For the uninitiated, HIGHLANDER the First depicts a challenge among immortals called "The Gathering" with the operating tag-line "There Can Be Only One."
 
 ...three HIGHLANDER movies. Er––make that six, and counting. Plus two television series. Live action, that is. And three animated series. And a handful of novels.

They commence beheading each other (the only way to kill an immortal) until there is indeed only one left (sorta like BLOODSPORT, I suppose, only with more immortal beheadings), whereupon the winner (Christopher Lambert's Connor MacLeod) undergoes "The Quickening" and brings balance to the force or whatever. HIGHLANDER II at least has the good sense (?) to imagine a whacked-out future scenario where aliens, global warming, and a long-haired Michael Ironside join forces to keep the plotline going. However, HIGHLANDER III––a prequel to part 2 that I'm certain no one asked for––takes a full step backward and imagines that "The Quickening" was actually a sham, because Mario Van Peebles (RAPPIN', EXTERMINATOR 2) was a top-seeded Gathering contestant who happened to be accidentally trapped in a cave in Japan the whole time, and therefore The Gathering ain't over till Van Peebles licks all the blades
 
wears all the samurai armor

(This ain't KAGEMUSHA)

does all the eyebrow indicating

(To be fair, he's good at it)

gets zapped with all the '80s lightning


and turns into all the birds.




His name is Kane, like from 'Cain and Abel,' which is a very artistic way of letting us know that he has a brotherly relationship with our hero, except, of course, he's the "bad one." (See also: all the other times a character was named Kane for similarly embarrassing, crypto-philosophical reasons.)

Frankly, however, we should all be glad that Van Peebles shows up to do things like 'look like Dave Navarro playing CONAN THE BARBARIAN' and––because he's been trapped in a cave for centuries and doesn't know what they are––'eat condoms.' This is probably the high-water mark of the film.





"No glove, no love" is actually said aloud during this sequence. Also, is this some kind of oblique reference to Van Peebles' father Melvin not using a condom and contracting gonorrhea on set of SWEET SWEETBACK'S BAADASSSSS SONG (for which he obtained Worker's Compensation)?

Is this a good movie? No. No, it is not. There are lapses in continuity, hilariously stilted dialogue, and incomplete mattes.

We are forced to endure tableaux such as a yuppified Connor MacLeod wearing dumb shirts, playing catch, and bonding with his son

as well as redonkulously dumb drawing room flashbacks to 18th Century France that feel like scenes deleted from ANGEL, or at least HELLRAISER IV.


Not even Lambert deserves this

You're probably wondering if this is all worth your time. It's not––but it's also not entirely without value. For instance, the female lead is Deborah Kara Unger (David Lynch's HOTEL ROOM, David Cronenberg's CRASH, David Fincher's THE GAME),

a Canadian actress who probably could have achieved more mainstream success, booking romantic comedies and the like, but who chose to fully embrace the "bizarro character actress" route. She always brings an unpredictable dark edge to her roles, in the vein of a Willem Dafoe or Crispin Glover or Susan Tyrrell.

When she first meets Kane (he breaks into her museum, after hours), the blocking and dialogue play out almost exactly the same as a seminal scene from TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2 when Chop Top (Bill Mosely) breaks into Stretch's (Caroline Williams) radio station and, posing as her biggest fan, proceeds to intimidate and weird her out.


It's a pretty deep cut as far as homages go, though I think any fan of TEXAS CHAINSAW 2 would spot the parallel immediately.

Eh. What else? At least we get to see Connor McCloud beat the guillotine. You know, between the French Revolution, The Wars of Scottish Independence, World War I, World War II, the American Revolution, The Napoleonic Wars, etc., etc., the dude is essentially the Forrest Gump of your Western Society class, and I'm honestly surprised he never crossed paths with Bill and Ted.



I'd say that none of this is essential viewing, and I'm one of those people who will wholeheartedly recommend HIGHLANDER II.

In other words, watch HIGHLANDER, HIGHLANDER II, and then, in lieu of HIGHLANDER III, just watch the Michael Ironside Labatt Blue Maximum Ice beer commercial that was an official HIGHLANDER II tie-in.

Only now does it occur to me... NEW JACK CITY

Only now does it occur to me...  that Golan or Globus must have given Mario van Peebles a good luck charm for his directorial debut!  

Allow me to explain.  Mario van Peebles was a Cannon Films star in the 80s: see RAPPIN' and EXTERMINATOR 2 if you don't believe me.  His hilarious but earnest endeavors in acting (in all of their Jheri curled glory) helped shape the way that I perceive the 80s, and Cannon films as a whole.  He is a giant.  

Well, following in his father's auteur footsteps, he decided to make a film.  And what a film it was.  Sure, he'd directed some episodes of 21 JUMP STREET and CBS SCHOOLBREAK SPECIAL, but a feature film is a large undertaking for a first timer.  You need talent, faith, and a lot of luck.  More on that in a minute. 

NEW JACK CITY is a spectacular film:  it combines the sleazy ludicrosity of a De Palma actioner (SCARFACE, CARLITO'S WAY, SNAKE EYES) with the blood-spattered NYC grit of Abel Ferrara (KING OF NEW YORK, FEAR CITY) and the dopey do-goodin' panache of a D.A.R.E. public service announcement.  Mario even inserts himself in a supporting role as a Captain America-White Knight cop in a move that smacks of lovable narcissism, like Stallone in anything or Tommy Wiseau in THE ROOM.

Furthermore, the lead is played by Ice-T, himself a Cannon Films veteran (BREAKIN', BREAKIN' 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO, the soundtrack to MISSING IN ACTION and RAPPIN').

Anyway, to my point:  midway through the film, all the cops are hanging out at stakeout central, and as Mario strides in, Ice-T is revealed to be playing around with a very distinctive, insane, knife-spiked brass knuckles combo– which I immediately recognized from... COBRA.

I remembered hearing that it was custom-designed for the makers of COBRA (Stallone, Stallone, Stallone, and Golan & Globus) by famed knife maker Herman Schneider, and you can see it's clearly the same knife, as wielded in the photo below by Brian Thompson.

So what's the story?  In a move of good faith, did Golan and/or Globus loan it to van Peebles as a good luck charm?  Or is the story more sordid?  Did Mario and/or Ice-T steal it from the Cannon backlot?  Or is it merely a replica, inserted to pay homage to the glory of Cannon Films?  Perhaps we'll never know for sure.  

Also, while researching this, I discovered that you buy replicas of this Cobra knife wherever fine knife replicas are sold, such as this frightening website called "Knife Depot" who calls it "one of the most unique and dramatic knife designs ever created."  I also learned that there are such things as "renowned knife authors" and plenty of fetishistic descriptions of "point pressure" and "knife heft."  I feel as if I could easily do some frightening and intense dramatic readings of simple product descriptions from any number of these websites.  Whew!

Film Review: THE COTTON CLUB (1984, Francis Ford Coppola)

Stars: 4 of 5.
Running Time: 127 minutes.
Tag-line: "It was the jazz age. It was an era of elegance and violence. The action was gambling. The stakes were life and death."
Notable Cast or Crew: Richard Gere, Gregory Hines, Diane Lane, Bob Hoskins, John P. Ryan, James Remar, Nicolas Cage, Gwen Verdon, Laurence Fishburne, Julian Beck, Tom Waits, Jennifer Grey, Joe Dallesandro, Diane Venora, Woody Strode, James Russo, Giancarlo Esposito, Sofia Coppola, Mario van Peebles! Not to mention Kirk Taylor- The Giggler in DEATH WISH 3! Music by John Barry. Cinematography by Stephen Goldblatt (THE HUNGER, STRIPTEASE). Produced by Robert Evans.
Best one-liner: "Blow that bughouse bastard to kingdom come!"

A lot of the knee-jerk negative reactions to Coppola's 80's output either center on the films being too avant-garde (RUMBLE FISH) or too obsessed with duplicating the celluloid past (ONE FROM THE HEART), but those are two key reasons why his 80's films, however flawed, are some of my favorites. Coppola, along with producer Robert Evans (CHINATOWN, POPEYE)- who was at one point banned from his own set due to heightening tensions between the men- crafts a dreamy, extravagant, maudlin, and occasionally brutal atmosphere that lies somewhere between THE PUBLIC ENEMY, 42ND STREET, and THE GODFATHER.


James Remar demands your attention.

Richard Gere and Diane Lane are our stars, but they are essentially muted: instead, it’s the rogue's gallery of supporting players that lends THE COTTON CLUB power: James Remar as 'Dutch Schultz,' at once exuding charm and childishness- and prone to Pesci-style bursts of violence:

Nic Cage undergoing a journey from stilted milquetoast to raving 'Mad Dog Mick' gangster:

Bob Hoskins as a horse-obsessed (!) impresario who lets you know he's not fucking around, even as he calmly arranges some flowers; Gregory Hines as undisputed king of the tap-dance; Woody Strode as a stoic doorman; Mario van Peebles as a hoofer (the same year as EXTERMINATOR 2!); John P. Ryan as a racist, seething Schultz rival:

Larry Fishburne as a no-nonsense Harlem racketeer who's been pushed around by the whites long enough:

Tom Waits as a nettlesome club employee; Joe Dallesandro as 'Lucky' Luciano, the new Mafioso on the block; and bit parts by everyone from Giancarlo Esposito to Jennifer Grey to avant-garde theater pioneer Julian Beck. It's an exquisite, exhilarating world seen through an amber-colored lens:

A classic 30's montage reimagined.


Shades of Vittorio Storaro?


If only the real Cab Calloway had employed Mario van Peebles (not pictured).


SCHLERP

garish, ostentatious fashion, waterfalls of spurting champagne, elaborate Art Deco setpieces, and swirling, nostalgic montages- at any moment, this heightened tranquility could be perforated by a stroke of repulsive barbarism or a whirlwind of fame, fortune, and your wildest dreams. This is not a gritty, historical document, per sé- it’s a paean to the endless possibilities and intoxicating escapism of the silver screen, and that’s just the way I like it. Four stars.

-Sean Gill

I can't tell you how happy I am to live in a world where this is not an April Fool's Day Prank.

You know, a 'Full Eclipse.' It's like a 'Total Eclipse,' except made for television. And is it just me, or is there some confusion about whether the guy on the bottom is 'evil van Peebles' or not? I guess I just have Jekyll/Hyde stories on the brain, because


This is one of those movies where one day you're theorizing 'wouldn't it have been kickass if they'd done a multigender Jekyll/Hyde tale back when Sean Young was in her loony prime?' And then the universe course-corrects itself, and next thing you know, the VHS is sitting there on your lap. Also note: the googly eyes, mid-transition.


WHAT! Someone dares to rip off Castellari! Ye gods! Isn't there a law against that?! But I guess you can make anything cooler by sticking it in the desert...


No! Not Golan-Globus getting ripped off, too! But we can all take a deep breath, because this is the work of post-Cannon Golan. Whew.


I guess this is a lot like THE RUNNING MAN, except with leather daddies and the font from your alarm clock.


"Scott- get a little closer to Jamie Lee. No, a little closer. Closer. Close enough so her hair's in your ear. Hold it right there. Don't move. Now look really serious. Really stern. Come on, the stakes are really high. Perfect." ...and Bette Davis.


"So here's the concept: THE NIGHT PORTER." –"THE NIGHT PORTER plus what?" "Um. THE NIGHT PORTER plus bitches?" –"How about just one bitch." "Sold."


A lot of people know this one already, but again, let me remind you- we live in a world where it exists.


I've actually got a review of this one in the works. How can you go wrong with Rutger Hauer, Powers Boothe, Donald Pleasence, and Kathleen Turner in a movie about endangered birds?



Slow down, slow down...too many words! You had me at Holbrook.



SEE HOME APPLIANCES SLICE AND DICE!!!! ....PEOPLE!!! And apparently "three knives" now constitute a "home appliance."


I would like to point out that this pre-dates FRIDAY THE 13TH.


Another Joe D'Amato trashterpiece. I keep thinking that there's a hidden anagram in the title or something. And why have one ball with spikes on a chain when you can have three?



What do you say? What can you say? Well... I hope they paid you up front, Dennehy. Cause it'd be pretty recockulous if the producers snookered you by sayin' that "the check is..." well, yeah.


What, was Terence Hill unavailable? And if he was, why did they even cast Bud Spencer? It seems like the sort of thing tailor-made for DeLuise/Reynolds.



Paul Schrader directed it. Angelo Badalamenti did the music. Dennis Hopper stars. Supporting players include Eric Bogosian, Penelope Ann Miller, and Julian Sands, and we're coasting on the fact that one of five producers here (Gale Anne Hurd) has a tenuous connection to THE TERMINATOR and ALIENS? And I really think that "It's a new kind of evil as old as time" has got to be the worst tag-line this side of "KEN SAGOES, THE KID WHO SURVIVED 'NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 3' IS BACK!"


Produced by, directed by, and starring Robert Forster. Co-starring his daughter, Kate Forster. If that's too much Forster for ya, there's a little Joe Spinell thrown into the mix just to spice it up. Did I mention that this movie didn't do so well?


I'd like to see this one- it's from the producer of THE TERMINATOR and ALIENS. 'Imagine WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT? with witches and zombies instead of toons." Okay, I'm imagining it. In all seriousness though- Fred Ward, David Warner, Julianne Moore, and Clancy Brown?! And did I mention that Fred Ward plays "Detective H.P. Lovecraft?" And why is a pentagram being hurled at his nads by what appears to be a boglin? Perhaps the most important question here is- WHERE DO I SIGN UP?



And on that note, I'll say- expect to see a few of these getting the full treatment on the site in the next few months...

-Sean Gill