An Obscure Nightcrawler Story: Bizarre Adventures 27

Bizarre Adventures #27 (July 1981)
"Show Me the Way to Go Home..."
Jo Duffy/Bob Layton-Dave Cockrum/Ricardo Villamonte

Doug:  How about this for a splash page?  That's some good Dave Cockrum X-art, isn't it?  And did you notice that Dave placed himself on the cover of the TV Guide?  Funny guy...  Today concludes our trip through this magazine.  We've previously toured the Phoenix and Iceman entries and today we'll finish the excursion with a look at the fuzzy elf, Nightcrawler.  You'll notice that Jo Duffy is responsible for the script, as she was on the Iceman tale.  I felt that that story was not terrible, but mediocre.  We'll see how this one goes.

Doug:  As the team watches an old Zorro flick an alarm suddenly goes off in the mansion.  The team recognizes it as emitting from Cerebro, but at a pitch they've not previously heard.  Nightcrawler, on Cyke's orders, "bamfs" ahead to check it out.  As the team arrives to the control room, Kurt Wagner has a wry smile on his face -- Cerebro has detected half a mutant!  So, it's into a cruiser and off to Poughkeepsie to check it out.  Upon arrival, they find the Vanisher, last seen in battle against the Champions and frozen in the Darkforce of Darkstar.  And there he stands -- half a mutant!  Cyclops warns Kurt not to touch the Vanisher, but you know how that goes -- Nightcrawler reaches out and then there's a huge "BAMF!"

Doug:  Yeah, he really shouldn't have touched the Vanisher in the middle of that Darkforce.  That loud "BAMF!" sent the two teleporters through time, space, and dimension to lord-knows-where.  As they finally slipped back into reality, there was a separation and Nightcrawler landed on a planet full of shapely females -- offering him to be their god or king!  Nightcrawler's flattered, but takes the high road and tries to teleport away.  But instead of "bamf!", we hear "poot!"  Now, in the presence of fine-looking women that's not exactly the best noise to make!  It sets in pretty quickly that ol' Kurt Wagner isn't going anywhere soon.  Some unknown distance away the Vanisher has landed and is having a similar experience.  However, being an egomaniacal villain, he's trying the high-and-mighty approach, even as he too is offered godhood and/or a kingship.  The women find him humorous, and despite his failed attempts at manipulating the Darkforce, the ladies decide to keep him.  So they literally drag him off to places yet unknown to us.

Doug:  Scene-shift back to Nightcrawler, who has been set up like a shiek or sultan with the ladies as his harem.  It's definitely a wine/women/song setting.  It gets pretty cryptic in a hurry, as Nightcrawler enjoys himself but with lots of questions.  The ladies (by the way, check out the various costumes in the story -- seems like some Legion wear might be sneaking in here and there) tell him that males are not native to their planet, so when one arrives they make him their god or king -- to further the population.  But, they also tell, the gods and kings never seem to last too long.  An oracle is mentioned, and Nightcrawler says he'd really like to see that.  So it's up from the table and off on a short field trip.  Inside the cave of the oracle, Nightcrawler is stunned to see a television!  Once turned on, a little old lady, looking like Granny from the Looney Tunes, greets him.  She tells Kurt that all he needs to do to get home is to go to the Well at the Center of Time.  It's a crater only a few miles away that can transport him right back home.  However, she cautions that if he takes anything from there, or leaves anything behind, she can make no guarantees -- he has to leave exactly as he came in.  And then as he and the escorts turn to leave, the oracle tells him to watch his tail while he's there.  Huh?

Doug:  We cut to another part of the world where the Vanisher has set himself up as a god.  The locals are waiting on him hand and foot, but the Vanisher is stuck in his old ways.  He looks at each piece of treasure bestowed upon him and wonders how he could fence it!  Suddenly Nightcrawler steps forward from the shadows, spooking the Vanisher.  Nightcrawler tells him what he's learned about leaving, but the Vanisher rebukes him -- he ain't going!  So the X-Man says if the Vanisher won't come along peacefully, he'll have to go by force!  The Vanisher throws a vase at his would-be abductor, and then appropriates a sword.  "Swashbuckling?" says Nightcrawler, who then grabs a cutlass of his own.  The two men duel, with Nightcrawler getting the better end of it all.  He finally subdues his foe, and bodily removes him from his harem.  As the two Earthlings march out, the women tell them to be careful -- they seem not at all bothered that the "gods" are leaving.

Doug:  Nightcrawler hustles the Vanisher to the Well at the Center of Time.  Upon seeing it, the Vanisher emphatically declares that he's not jumping into that crater.  He then uses the Darkforce to craft a huge hand, pick up Nightcrawler, and drop him.  Nightcrawler is losing his patience quickly, when the Vanisher pulls a "sheet" of Darkforce from his body and hurls it at Nightcrawler.  Kurt's engulfed in the stuff, and disappears!  As it's like one big shadow, Nightcrawler did a fade-out.  However, upon returning he encourages the Vanisher to restore the Darkforce to his outer covering -- it's apparently wearing a little thin.  At that moment huge beasts rush the two mutants, forcing them to their only recourse -- jumping into the crater.  They do, and fall back through the inter-dimensional abyss.  Back in Poughkeepsie, Nightcrawler and the Vanisher reappear right where they'd "BAMF!"ed out only seconds before.  The Vanisher tries to go all Mr. Threatening on the X-Men, but his steam is lost when he notices he's... naked!  His teleporation powers restored, he gets outta Dodge pretty quickly!  Storm asks Kurt for an explanation and all he tells her is that he's been to paradise... and someday he's going back!

Doug:  This story, of the three in the book, would have looked the best in color (although it is striking in the format you see).  I imagine it would have looked something like the Thing/Hulk graphic novel The Big Change.  I thought this story was a nice way to end the magazine -- pretty light and breezy fare.  Cockrum just had a passion for Nightcrawler, and that spirit shines through the art.  It's fun.  Overall, I'm not sorry I own this magazine -- if I hadn't said it before, this was the first time I'd read any of these three stories.  They're all OK -- if I had to rank them, I'd probably go Nightcrawler, Phoenix, and Iceman.  However, the Iceman story far and away looked the best -- it was just beautiful!  Bronze Age X-Men -- that's just never going to be a horrible experience, is it?  Nope -- like golden days of yore.  Thanks for sticking with me over these past three months!

An Obscure Iceman Story: Bizarre Adventures 27

Bizarre Adventures #27 (July 1981)

"Winter Carnival"

Jo Duffy-George Perez/Alfredo Alcala

Doug:  Welcome to the second installment of our 3-part look at the "secret lives of the X-Men".  If you'll recall in my first review from this magazine (of the Phoenix story), I commented at the end about today's story and remarked that George Perez would be on the pencils.  While the art is not bad at all (in fact, it's lush, gorgeous, and whatever other positive superlative you want to heap on it), I just don't see a typical George Perez job.  It is inker Alfredo Alcala who is the real shining star of the artwork.  Help me out with your own observations once you get to the bottom.  Shall we?

Doug:  The Iceman story is 17 pages long, and that was OK for me.  Really, it could have been shorter and I'd have probably been happier.  I thought the Phoenix story was a bit of a stretch (Attuma?) conceptually, and it was written by her usual scribe, Chris Claremont.  As you see above, today's writer is Jo Duffy.  I honestly can't say I recall anything she wrote in the 1980's, although I'm sure I encountered her work more than a few times.  This story was somewhat burdensome to get through -- it's just pretty straightforward, never really grabs the reader...  It's not horrible, but I don't feel like I got any bang out of the time I've spent reading it twice and writing this up.  It wasn't like "Man, I cannot wait to get to the keyboard and tell everyone about this!"  Some of our readers have left us comments in the past questioning why we review comics we don't like/give glowing reviews to?  As I think Karen and/or I replied, isn't that a reflection of the true comics reading experience?  I wish my cup was always half full; unfortunately, it's often half empty!  I've not read the Nightcrawler tale as of this writing, but it will be coming your way in August.

Doug:  We open at Dartmouth College in Hanover, NH, where "visiting" sophomore Bobby Drake has rolled onto campus to attend the Winter Carnival.  There was an ice sculpture contest or some such thing prior to his arrival, and the outdoor common areas are filled with beautiful ice sculptures depicting this year's theme -- super-heroes!  Bobby stops to admire a rendition of his pal the Angel and says how much Warren would love it.  Bobby notices that the Angel is the only X-Man in the lot, so rectifies that by whipping up an ice sculpture of himself, complete with the Champions logo on its belt.  As he admires it, a group of students stops by and complains that the new sculpture blocks the view of their fraternity house.  They ask if Bobby knows where it came from; he denies it, but then launches a snowball right at the kid who asked.  A melee ensues with some good fun.  It's broken up suddenly by a scream for help.

Doug:  Some thugs emerge from an academic building, with a professorial-type calling after them that they've stolen parts to the new campus computer system.  Now this having been written in 1981, I'm thinking they've bagged some Apple II-E's or Commodore-64's!  Anyway, they have some sorts of guns that can be set to "stun", and use those in their getaway attempt.  Bobby says to himself "who would rob a school" -- which I thought was an odd comment -- and then ices up and handles the baddies with no trouble at all.  He's thanked by the campus police, and everyone seems to recover quickly enough from their "stunning".  The community mobs him, incredulous that a real super-hero is among them.  They implore him to stay for the Winter Carnival, and he agrees.  The next two pages are pretty fun, as we see Bobby Drake really cut loose in an all-out effort to bring joy to the students.  At the end of the scene he thinks to himself, "I never realized up until now how great it is to solo.  For once, I'm alone... not getting lost in a team.  These people are cheering for ME!"

Doug:  Later that evening, Iceman reclines with some students when in walks Lt. Jimmy D'Angelo, who is an alumnus and has been asked by campus police to lend a hand to the investigation.  It seems that the components the thieves were after were designed by Dr. Henry Pym and had something to do with cybernetics.  They were being tested on campus.  The lieutenant wants to know if anyone saw the guy who pulled the alarm.  This sparks an investigation into an employee who works in the math dept. -- a man who no one can name.  Bobby decides to investigate on his own.  We then cut to a building off campus where the Dartmouth employee in question, a man called Thatcher, supervises the same thugs we witnessed earlier in the story.  It seems the heist was all a fake, designed to actually smuggle a man inside the building so that the real components of their desire could be stolen later -- a feat they seem to have accomplished.

Doug:  As the baddies move across campus in the wee hours of the morning, they pass the row of super-hero sculptures.  The professor gloats to himself about how they will get away with their plot -- no Avengers, no Fantastic Four, no X-Men to stop them.  That is, until he notices that they've passed not one, but two Iceman sculptures.  Guess what? Six pages of pretty intense fighting ensues, with Iceman at one point getting thawed out by a blaster ray.  There are some great visuals in this long scene, as you can see from the sample pages and panels.  In the end, Bobby nabs his guy, saves the day, and finds himself -- even though in an encounter with Lt. D'Angelo the cop asks Iceman if he's so great, then why isn't he well known?  I think this was really sort of a coming of age story for the Iceman; unfortunately (for him), it didn't go anywhere.

Doug:  One could almost see this being a sort of launching pad for a solo series.  However, since this was on the stands several years ahead of a book like Marvel Comics Presents, I don't know what the vehicle would have been.  There was an Iceman mini-series, but that wasn't published until 1984 (and looking at the covers, I wouldn't think it to have been very good in spite of a Marc DeMatteis script).  As I'd said about the Phoenix story, I'm not sure why this was created if not specifically for this magazine. It's again too long for a back-up story, and judging by Alfredo Alcala's beautiful inks and use of wash it was never intended for four color publication.  So it's just sort of "out there"; not sure if we should consider it canon or not.  What it ends up being is a sort of quite-beautiful-but-middling tale of one of Marvel's C-list heroes.