It all started with a plucky little Blood Bowl team called the Gnarly Green Gobbos.
They sucked.
I mean, like, they REEEAAAAALLY sucked.
Like, worse than Bad News Bears, kind of sucked.
I swear, they lost every damned game they ever played, and every single game at least half the team ended up either seriously injured or KILLED!
Part way through their first season, the Team Captain, Hotlicks Wobblespot, suggested to a couple of the surviving originals (Bill S. Pestmain and Ted “Wild Boar” Grogan) changing their name to Gnarly Green GUYS and recruit some Bigger, Meaner, GREENER, muscle – trolls and orcs.
And so, the team was expanded.
Their win/loss record didn’t change much… but the utter slaughter and carnage was… well... a little less one-sided!
(one wonders if the new recruits actually even understood the actual purpose of the “game”…. Still, "fun" was had, and that's all that matters, right?)
Among those new recruits was a blocker by the name of Uruk Kreuger. Kreuger went on to become a Star Player and crushed a good many skulls in his time….
Uruk Kreuger and Hotlicks Wobblespot became best of friends... or... at least... the closest thing to "friends" greenies can possibly be... "inseparable partners in all manners of violence"might be a better description...?
Until one fateful day when he had an unfortunate run-in with a dwarf chainsaw fanatic. The sneaky little bugger snuck up behind Kreuger and cut of his legs while he was busy pummelling a Halfling referee into the Astrogranite®, thus ending his career as a blood bowl player and dashing his dreams of ever being a dancer.
For years Kreuger and his coconspirator and accomplice, Wobblespot, travelled the Old World. Kreuger dragged himself about with his massive arms, looking for a new purpose, a new DREAM! That all ended when they were caught in a sudden, freak snow storm in the Blackfire Pass. The Duo ended up stuck in a massive snow drift which eventually broke off the side of the mountain in a massive avalanche which deposited them deep in the glacial crevasse.
There they sat – stuck, frozen in ice, for thousands of years until, literally, the end of the world! When the Old World was drawn into the Realms of Chaos, by Archaon opening up three warp gates, and explodified, Krueger and Wobblespot were cast into the Warp in their giant block of ice and floated through the immaterium for some time (if "time" can actually be thought of as a thing that happens in the warp...?) At some point, the Gods of Chaos could no longer stand the smell and they were kicked back out into Real Space. Then, for further millennia, they passed through nebulae and vast gulfs of entirely empty space. Eventually they ended up in the path of the planet Zonk.
So vast was the block of ice that they were entombed in, when it passed through Zonks atmosphere it only just melted through, depositing Kreuger and Wobblespot on the surface of Zonk at precisely room temperature! They both landed on a gigantic soft mushrooms that miraculously cushioned their fall!
When they eventually awoke, Kreuger started dragging himself about this new strange world, remembering none of the journey to get there. Upon Zonk they found a community of Orks, which took the two in.
There they met Painboy named Dok McDok, and a Mekboy named Jak Hammurabee.
Together (under Wobblespot’s direction) they crafted Kreuger a set of bionik legs.
(They also fashioned him a pair of Power Klaws: the Klippurs of DOOM!)
It was as if Kreuger had been granted a new lease on life. He had purpose once again! But in the 41st Millenium, there is no Blood Bowl (or Musical Theatre, for that matter), THERE IS ONLY WAR! Kreuger, knew there had to be others that had experienced his loss, and so, together with Wobblespot, Dok McDok, and Jak Hammurabee, they sought out other Orks that had lost their legs and gave them new, mechanical ones so they could return to the Waaaaaagh!
And thus, the legend of Kreuger’s Unvalids were born…
Hotlicks Wobblespot in the 41st millennium.
Despite the Team taking Kreuger's name and Kreuger nominally having the position of "Boss Nob", Wobblespot is the REAL "brains" behind the Unvalids.
I’ve decided to use him as a “counts as” Warboss, as it most closely reflects my vision of him. He obviously isn’t ACTUALLY stronger (S6) and Tougher (T5, W6) than the rest of the Orks, but I see these attributes as an abstraction of his uncanny ability to stay alive (and kill things!) with a clever mix of insane luck and masterful, devious cunning… Normally a Warboss would have a Kustom Shoota, but I’ve just given him a slugga (because I didn’t want to make him TOO over-the-top!)
(Counts as) War Boss with Power Klaw and Slugga.
Commander Level 2
Commander Specialism: Leadership
Skills: Symbol of Courage, Inspiring
95 Points
Uruk Kreuger
Former Ork Blocker of the Gnarly Green Guys, current "leader" of Kreuger’s Unvlids.
I've given the miniature two Power Klaws... because... he just looks more badass that way... but “Counts As” only actually having one – I figured any benefit from having two is pretty much cancelled out by their collective unwieldiness. Technically he’d have a Slugga as well… but the model doesn’t have one and, fluf-wise, he totally couldn’t be bothered… so...
Ork Boy Boss Nob with Klippurs of DOOM (counts as Power Klaw)
Specialism: Leader
Experience: 0
Level: 1
Skills: Resourcefull (+1 Command Point)
15 Points
Gordik Falikill
Gordik Falikill lost all of his legs while learning to fence with his chainsword... against a practice dummy made out of old tires...
Ork Boy with Slugga and Choppa and Stick Bombs
Specialism: Combat
Experience: 0
Level: 1
Skills: Expert Fighter (+1 A)
7 Points
Boomchukka Gurnard
Boomchukka likes his grenades. Unfortunately, in his very first action, against the Adepts Sororitas, Boomchukka hurled a grenade at a squad of sisters, which bounced of one of their pointy boobplates and landed back at his feet. The ensuing explosion tore both legs clear off and launching him straight up in the air. Still... he loves his grenades...
Ork Boy with Slugga and Choppa and lots and lots of Stick Bombs
Specialism: Demolitions
Experience: 0
Level: 1
Skills: Breacher (+1 to wounds roll vs targets that are obscured)
7 Points
Shurty Mcdakka
Shurty McDakka lost his legs in a tragic ping pong accident. It's probably best if we just leave out those details...
Loota with Deffgun and stick bombs
Specialism: Heavy
Experience: 0
Level: 1
Skills: Relentless (ignore – 1 penalty for moving and shooting Heavy Weapon)
12 Points
Rub Furd
Rub Furd lost his legs when they were run over by some bike-riding pinko (Emperor's Children Bikers).
Ork Boy with Slugga and Choppa and Stick Bombs
Experience: 0
Level: 1
Skills: None
7 Points
Dik Woodkok
Dik Woodkok lost his legs while whittling a stick... and by "Stick" we mean "Tree"... He hit a knotty bit, and the knife slipped... and by "knife" we mean one of Gordik's Chainswords.
Ork Boy with Slugga and Choppa and Stick Bombs
Experience: 0
Level: 1
Skills: None
7 Points
Gaysun Kunny
Gaysun lost his legs in conversion therapy. During his youth, members of Kunny's tribe were concerned he might turning into a Grot, so they put him on a rack to stretch him into a big tall Ork... but they cranked it too tight and his legs popped right off.
Ork Boy with Slugga and Choppa and Stick Bombs
Experience: 0
Level: 1
Skills: None
7 Points
Gurndurk Hoarg
Gurndurk cut his own legs off while shaving. He was using an electric razor. Just... don't even ask...
Ork Boy with Slugga and Choppa and Stick Bombs
Experience: 0
Level: 1
Skills: None
7 Points
Rutter O'Rudely
Rutter loves his sick beats and break dancing. He either wasn't very GOOD at break dancing, though, or, quite possibly, just didn't really understand what break dancing meant and broke his legs right off at a dance battle.
Ork Boy with Shoota and Stick Bombs
Experience: 0
Level: 1
Skills: None
6 Points
Scut Mowr
Scut Mowr lost his legs to a harvesting machine during the invasion of an Imperial Agriworld.
Ork Boy with Shoota and Stick Bombs
Experience: 0
Level: 1
Skills: None
6 Points
Dok McDok
There are stats for Painboyz, but They're commanders with power laws, and none of the commander specialisms really fit.. so I've called Dok McDok a Kommando (which makes him a sneaky git) with a Medic Specialism (not normally a specialism available for orks... like... at all!) and he lost the slugga, just has the choppa.
(as Kommando with Choppa)
Specialism: Medic
Experience: 3
Level: 2
Skills: Reassuring (never counts as shaken when taking Nerve Tests)
Field Medic (roll d6 for models within 3" that receive a wound - on 6, no wound)
12 Points
Jak Hamurabee
Kommando with Slugga and Choppa and Stick Bombs
Experience: 0
Level: 1
Skills: None
8 Points
Some details of their backs...
More details.
Now to actually PLAY some Kill Team!?
All of the Blood Bowl players pictured above are minis I've had for over 30 years - and are probably the largest group of minis I have with their original paint jobs - from that era. I played a LOT of Blood Bowl (2nd Edition) back in the day. So much so, that I'd say it was the best value game - in terms of fun hade per dollar spent - I've ever owned! I had even made custom end zone cards for the Gnarly Green Guys, but it was lost (or destroyed) somewhere along the say.
I have a couple of other (all metal) teams - in addition to the plastic Human and Orks that came in the base game (and the Elves and Dwarves that came in Dungeon Bowl - though I never painted those ones!?). One was a Skeven Team called the Hammertown Tigerrats and a mixed team of Humans, Elves, Dwarves, and Halflings called the Lawful Landsknechts. One of these days, perhaps, I will post pictures of them.
One of the main reasons I've never bought into the new game is I have ALL THIS STUFF from 2nd edition... If I REALLY needed to play, I could play with the stuff I HAVE!
The legs for Kreuger's Unvalids came from Wargames Exclusive. Just as I was finishing these uptake other day, Other Tim stopped by and gave me a bunch of Orks he's never going to use and it included a pile of Burna Boyz! Unfortunately I have no more of the cyborg legs to convert them... I dunno... Do I include some able-bodied Ork Burna Boyz in the Unvalids? Perhaps I'll have to make another order soon!
Coming Soon to Tim's Miniature Wargaming Blog:
There has been talk of getting back to our Blackstone Fortress campaign... might happen this weekend!? (fingers crossed!)