Dolph Off

I'm gonna be working at distracting myself as much as you people today from The World but I cannot make any promises -- I sat bolt upright in my bed at 5:30 this morning with anxiety shooting through me and I haven't stopped twitching since. But I got out, I voted, it was crazy easy, and now we wait. And while we wait let's wish Dolph Lundgren a happy 63rd birthday! Our Dolph Archives are extensive -- my father fancied himself a bodybuilder in the 80s and his muscle mags always had Dolph on the cover and those... were formative for little me -- and I recommend digging into them, but I've somehow never polled the most obvious of questions so let's have that today...

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Good Morning, Gratuitous Dolph Lundgren

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Over this weekend I sat down to watch my screener of the upcoming documentary on the famed provocateur photographer Helmut Newton -- which is titled Helmut Newton: The Bad and the Beautiful and which will be hitting Virtual Cinemas on July 24th, including here in NYC at the one via Film Forum's website -- and not long into it I was reminded of Newton's infamous shoot of Grace Jones and her then boy-toy Dolph Lundgren...

... and of course, from there, Dolph was on my brain. It doesn't take much! Just a nudge in the Dolph direction and I'll waste hours googling him from there. But this works out well for y'all, because it got me to realize that while sure I have posted about Dolph for as long as I've had this website -- he's one of my so-called "roots" which I did a list of back in 2007 -- I've never done a properly massive photo post of the Swedish engineering student turned Studio 54 arm-candy turned properly massive action hero. 

(That said I do recommend checking out this post from a couple of years ago, worth a click!) So let's! Hit the jump for several dozen photos of the always welcome master of my universe...

Creedier

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That right there is the first poster for the Creed sequel (via), which is sadly titled Creed II and not titled what this post is titled. But hey they gave us Michael B. Jordan's pecs so who are we to complain? The trailer is apparently striking tomorrow. Director Ryan Coogler is not returning for the sequel - he's off swimming in a pool of Black Panther money right now, one supposes. Anyway I didn't like the first Creed but I'm open to liking the second one... especially with this dude playing Dolph Lundgren's son.

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Good Morning, World

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Filming began on the Creed sequel this week which appears to be, for now, titled Creed 2, and this allows me to finally do a post on the dude they hired to play Ivan Drago's son (aka the spawn of the character that Dolph Lundgren turned into the Iron Curtain Pin-up of every little 80s gay boy's wet dreams) -- his named is Florian Munteanu and he is a professional boxer from Romania - he is 6'4" (four inches taller than Michael B. Jordan) and approximately one billion tons of rock-hard muscle, give or take a couple of tons. I wish him luck - I really want to like Creed 2 more than I did the first one, which I wasn't a fan of. (So much exhausting daddy talk.)

Bringing in the Dragos is sure in my wheelhouse since I have always adored the fourth movie, good taste be damned. It is nothing but over-the-top training montage set on top of training montage and it is golden. Anyway I'm going to take this post somewhat easy on myself - most of the pictures I gathered up were from Florian's own Instagram and I realized that I don't actually need to be a spazz and post all of those here - I can just link you to his actual Instagram! Wow, my brain works. But I do have a few that aren't off his Insta and I'll share those after the jump...

Good Morning, World

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A happy 59th birthday to the bodybuilder turned actor Ralf Möller today! Ralf co-starred in a couple of Van Damme movies (Universal Soldier and Cyborg) and was the lead in the Conan television show in the late 90s and is still playing heavies (literal heavies - he's an enormous 6'6" tall on top of almost 300 pounds of nothing but muscle) in movies up through today. He was in Gladiator! 

I grew up in the 80s so despite me technically "knowing better" I've got a soft spot for the Movie Muscle Men a la Schwarzenegger - Möller is supposedly a good friend of Arnold's (love these pictures of the two of them in 2014 where The Daily Mail goes on about Rolf making Arnold look teensy) which makes sense since he's a German Mr. Olympia. (Yes I know Arnold is Austrian, shut up.) Anyway this tidbit from Rolf's IMDb trivia page gave me a chuckle:

"Ralf Moeller and Dolph Lundgren co-starred together in Universal Soldier (1992). Years later, both actors auditioned for the role of Hagen in Gladiator (2000), with Lundgren losing it due to Ridley Scott being unimpressed by his acting and Moeller winning the role."

I Am Link

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--- Boo Brother Bill - Bill Skarsgard is really gunning for that Scream Queen sash and tiara. After having started his US career with Eli Roth's series Hemlock Grove he signed on to play Pennywise the fucking clown in the remake of It, and now he's taken it even further - he'll be a series regular on the Stephen King anthology show Castle Rock, which we told you the other week has been busy gathering up an astonishing cast of talent with Melanie Lynskey and Sissy Spacek out in front. Anyway I thought Bill was sexy but terrible on Hemlock Grove but then that was a terrible show, period, so let's hope he's bringing it for King.

--- Super Soviet - The Wrap has word that Wonder Woman 2 will be set in the 1980s and will tackle the Cold War with the Russians, a timely villain if ever there was one, I'd say! All I know is you make me think of Russians in the 80s and you make me think of Dolph Lundgren and Brigitte Nielsen, so let's get one or both of them in there, please. I mean Dolph did just join the cast of Aquaman recently so he's a part of the DC Universe already! Easy peasy!

--- One Immortal Man - In a role that will surely take excellent advantage of his talents for stripping half-naked and standing there beautiful blunk Derek Theler has signed on to be a goofy superhero called Mister Immortal in the Marvel TV show called New Warriors for the FreeForm channel. For plenty of evidence that Derek has what it takes to stand there half-naked, click here. Other "heroes" on New Warriors are called "Debrii" and "Squirrel Girl" so I'm thinking it's a comedy!

--- Confederate Pride - When I reviewed Sofia Coppola's film The Beguiled right here I talked about how I felt the movie was a parable about the specter of the Civil War lingering over the South even to this day, and so Vulture's latest piece on the film, which tackles how an absence of Race is actually a commentary on Race and the role of the "Southern Belle" in our understanding of it, well, it fits just fine alongside my take on the movie, I think.

--- Oscar To Be - I haven't had the chance to read the New York Times' long chat with Oscar Isaac yet (thx Mac) but you can do so here if you like - it has some very fine photographs of him attached! Those I have had the time for. Anyway I have been desperately frantically trying to win tickets through the lottery for his ongoing stage take on Hamlet, which is what they're chatting him up about, so perhaps posting this will put the better angels on my side. That's how things work right?
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--- Big Screen Baldwin - Great news yesterday that Moonlight director Barry Jenkins has signed on to make his next feature, an adaptation of James Baldwin's 1974 novel If Beale Street Could Talk, which is about a young love affair torn apart by a crime not committed. I have not read this book, but it's on the list now. I'm actually woefully still behind on my Baldwin. But if you've read it any casting ideas? it sounds like the two main characters are supposed to be pretty young - 19 and 22.

--- Acid Freak - After mostly just hating the shit out of Alien Covenant I can't say I'm all that excited to hear Sir Ridley Scott yapping about all the upcoming Alien movies he's working on - I mourn the loss of Neill Blomkamp's movie with Sigourney Weaver every single day. Anyway Scott's talking about tying things up with the original 1979 film again, and he says that Ripley will be "somebody's daughter." Ooh fascinating, that will shake my world. (Please sense the sarcasm.) If you'd like to further torment yourselves you can check out the extras on the upcoming Covenant blu-ray over at BD. (thx Mac) None of them are titled "Michael Fassbender fucks himself for three hours" though so I'm already bored.

--- What Scares You - The Guardian has a good piece going around this past week looking at what they call "Post Horror Movies" - stuff like It Comes at Night and A Ghost Story and It Follows where the typical horror movie narratives are hollowed out and turned into other less obvious things. (thanks Mac) While I definitely think there's a story here - and Horror Movies are experiencing a fascinating period right now - the article reads a little blind to the genre's past to me? I mean Horror Movies invent their own rules as they go along, specifically so they can break them - that's what Horror is. So this isn't something new. It's the entire point of the genre, and has been ever since Dracula first flinched at a crucifix.

10 Off My Head: Siri Says 1985

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This morning when I asked my digital mistress Siri to give me a number between 1 and 100 so we can play our weekly movie game she coughed up one number and then another that we'd previously used - only on our third try did I get "85" out of her, but I'm glad I stuck around because The Movies of 1985 make for a fun year. 

My first pass through the films I managed to edit my faves down to a Top 5, but it didn't feel right -- it was all serious grown-up movies, without any of the movies that 9 year-old me loved at the time, so I just decided to go with a Top 10. Because I do what I want, dammit. If the President of the United States can spill confidential secrets to the Russians in the Oval Office and get a limp shrug from Congress then I can damn well do this much. (Chaos reigns, y'all.)

My 10 Favorite Movies of 1985

Back to the Future

(dir. Robert Zemeckis)

-- released on July 3rd, 1985 --

The Color Purple

(dir. Steven Spielberg)

-- released on December 16th, 1985 --

Brazil

(dir. Terry Gilliam)

-- released on December 18th, 1985 --

Witness

(dir. Peter Weir)

-- released on February 8th, 1985 --

Pee-wee's Big Adventure

(dir. Tim Burton)

-- released on August 9th, 1985 --

After Hours

(dir. Martin Scorsese)

-- released on October 11th, 1985 --

My Beautiful Laundrette

(dir. Stephen Frears)

-- released on November 16th, 1985 -- 

The Goonies

(dir. Richard Donner)

-- released on June 7th, 1985 -- 

The Purple Rose of Cairo

(dir. Woody Allen)

-- released on April 19th, 1985 --

A Room With a View

(dir. James Ivory)

-- released on December 13th, 1985 --

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Runners-up:  The Breakfast Club (dir. John Hughes), Cocoon (dir. Ron Howard), Lifeforce (dir. Tobe Hooper), Commando (dir. Mark Lester), Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (dir. George Miller), Return to Oz (dir. Walter Murch), Day of the Dead (dir. George Romero), Clue (dir. Jonathan Lynn)...

... Once Bitten (dir. Howard Storm), Desperately Seeking Susan (dir. Susan Seidelman), The Legend of Billie Jean (dir. Matthew Robbins), Smooth Talk (dir. Joyce Chopra), Re-Animator (dir. Stuart Gordon), Red Sonja (dir. Richard Fleischer), Rocky IV (dir. Stallone), Mishima: A Life in Four Chapters (dir. Paul Schrader), A Nightmare on Elm Street 2 (dir. Jack Sholder)

Never seen: Kiss of the Spider Woman (dir. Hector Babenco), Come and See (dir. Elem Klimov),  Crimewave (dir. Sam Raimi), Flesh + Blood (dir. Paul Verhoeven), Ladyhawke (dir. Richard Donner), Ran (dir. Kurosawa), Lust in the Dust (dir. Paul Bartel)

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What are your favorite movies of 1985?

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Cannibals & Sexy Super Fish

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A second trailer for Ana Lily Amirpour's cannibal western The Bad Batch with Jason Momoa has been released, and much like the first trailer it begs the question, "Why am I even watching a trailer for a cannibal western starring Jason Momoa that was directed by the woman who made A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night?" I don't need to watch a trailer to know this shit is my business. But I will watch it just in case there's any more Jason Momoa skin to stare at - that's my sacrifice! There's actually not much of him in this one though - it spends more time setting up the world and the rest of the characters. Anyway here:

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In other "Jason Momoa is hot so I will pay attention" news some fun casting has happened over in Aquaman land -- the living breathing action figure that is Dolph Lundrgen has joined the cast! When you're casting a villain (he will face an underwater King that has it out for the aquatic superhero) to face somebody the size of Jason Momoa it only makes sense to grab the biggest mofo out there, and at sixty years old (which Dolph turns in November) he remains one of just those exacts mofos. 

Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

... exploding with Dolph.

I haven't seen Red Scorpion since I was a little kid -- renting all of the big butch 80s action movies to make me look straight while what I was really doing was ogling all the muscle -- but seeing this scene today was like sense memory; I remember this scene like the back of my hand. An especially apt idiom, in this instance.

God, this movie is so gay. I feel the need to watch the entire thing immediately. Thankfully some incredible soul's uploaded the whole damn thing onto YouTube! Happy day!
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Today is Dolph's 59th birthday, if you can believe it - I say "if you can believe it" because if you've seen him recently then you know he's just as hot as ever. And I was super happy to read the other day that he's been cast on the TV show Arrow for next season.

Why Dolph hasn't been in a Marvel movie yet is beyond me. Why the hell hasn't he been slapped into the Thor universe? Can you imagine him and Chris Hemsworth having a showdown? I mean...

I'm dead at the thought of it. 

Happy birthday, Dolph!

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I Did It All For Dolph

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It's Dolph Lundgren's 58th birthday today, and as I have made known a few times in the past I adore Dolph Lundgren. There's a high probability that Dolph Lundgren (along with his ex Grace Jones) would make my list of "Five celebrities living or dead that you'd want to have dinner with." They'd have to be a joint pick, but if so they'd be in in a skinny minute. Can you imagine the two of them and Vincent Price (my number one pick forever and always) clinking their champagne glasses for a toast?

The mind reels. Anyway I love Dolph, forever and always, and I'm so excited to see him listed in the cast for the Coens film Hail Caesar -- I'm sure it's a small role (he's listed as "submarine commando") but I really do believe he should be getting better work than the Expendables movies; he's a better actor than he gets credit for. Okay all that seriousness aside -- let's judge him in tights! (Yes I am part of the problem.)

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Punish Me Tom Hardy

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Tom Hardy told Collider that he'd love to play Frank Castle, aka The Punisher, for Marvel. There have already been three movies made of the character - Dolph Lundgren played him in 1989, Thomas Jane played him in 2004 (mmmm Thomas Jane in The Punisher) and Ray Stevenson played him in 2008.

Hardy himself says he's too short for the character but I don't know, I think he'd be fine. He's got a big presence, ya know? I believe Marvel's talked about making one of their multiple Netflix series' for the character? I don't know that Hardy would be into that, being a movie star and all... although that said he has done plenty of little television - hello Peaky Blinders. 

Anyway all of this is making me realize I've somehow never seen the Dolph Lundgren version and I have to fix that immediately. it's weird how often the Ray Stevenson one pops into my head. There was some spectacularly gruesome violence in that movie; I should do a Thursday's Ways Not To Die post for it sometime.