Who Wore It Best?

Timothée Chalamet is on the cover of Rolling Stone this month as he gears up to push his Bob Dylan bio-pic A Complete Unknown (out at Christmas) -- there are a couple of nice photos, including the two posted here, so click over if you want them. 

(Plus an interview which I haven't read yet so I cannot say.) But then there's also an inexplicable photo of Timmy doing the same pose that the teen daughter Holly in Troll 2 does in the middle of her big infamously much-mocked dance scene in that movie and so obviously I had to ask y'all...

online polls

Thursday's Ways Not To Die

Uh oh! This is one of those really disgustingly gross "Ways Not To Die" posts that I am going to have to put behind the jump -- that's what we get whenever I delve into Italian Horror for this series. But first I suppose, some set-up (not that this movie makes any sense whatsoever) -- seen above are what's left of our heroes in this, the final sequence of Zombie 4: After Death (1989). There's two people left -- Jenny (Candice Daly) and Chuck, and Chuck is indeed played by gay porn legend Jeff Stryker. 

And yes that is about as "safe for work" a picture of Jeff Stryker as I am willing to post -- I recommend you google more (lots and lots more) if you happen to be unfamiliar. Anyway Jenny & Chuck have at this point escaped from the zombie horde, but for some godforsaken dumb reason (which are the only kind of decisions anyone in this movie makes) they decide to go investigate the Evil Cavern where they already know all of the evil's come from. Me personally, I would just try to get off this godforsaken island at this point. But I suppose that's why I'm not a character in an Italian Zombie Horror Movie. My loss! Anyway this turns out to be a very bad decision -- who could have guessed? And given the gore involved you must now decide whether you want to hit the jump for the rest or not, and you've been warned...

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

...you can learn from:

Troll 2 (1990)

Seth: These evil creatures can transform 

themselves into flesh-and-blood people 

whenever and however they want. 

Joshua: You're making a mistake Grandpa.

Who said they can? You should of said

they could or what kind of fairy tale is it?

Seth: They can! They CAN! Goblins still exist!

Your Grandpa Seth is telling you!

If there's one thing that troll 2 taught me it's that Nilbog is Goblin spelled backwards. And if there are two things that Troll 2 taught me it's that bologna has high cholesterol. And if there are three things that Troll 2 taught me it's that you can't piss on hospitality. And if there are four things that Troll 2 taught me it's that you should always listen to the disembodied head of your dead grandfather, kids. Thank goodness for Troll 2, and a happy 30th anniversary to the Best Worst Movie of all time. Speaking of Troll 2 costs money to rent on Amazon but you can watch the phenomenal 2010 documentary about the movie and its cult status, called Best Worst Movie, for free on Prime right this minute. Don't take it from me -- take it from me but the other night:

This movie is so much fun pic.twitter.com/p6l7482b3p

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) October 10, 2020

5 Off My Head: Siri Says 1990

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I still have a few reviews from Tribeca to share with you but we're trying to get ourselves back into our old habits, and so I went ahead and asked my phone to give me a number between 1 and 100 this morning so we could do one of these posts, and here we be. Siri gave me 90, so we're taking a look at The Movies of 1990. I was 12 turning 13 that year and it pretty much marks the exact moment I was becoming a Movie Freak - I had definitely started watching the Oscars, and I have a fairly cherished memory of going to see one of my Top 5 movies (the one with the little green monsters) in the theater. So let's get to it! This is a really very weird bunch of movies, but remember we're choosing "Favorite" not "Best"...

My 5 Favorite Movies of 1990

Misery

(dir. Rob Reiner)

-- released November 30th, 1990 -- 

Gremlins 2: The New Batch

(dir. Joe Dante)

-- released June 15th 1990 -- 

Total Recall

(dir. Paul Verhoeven)

-- released June 1st 1990 -- 

Wild at Heart

(dir. David Lynch)

-- released August 17th 1990 -- 

Frankenhooker

(dir. Frank Henelotter)

-- released June 1st 1990 --

Sidenote: How amazing is it that both Total Recall & Frankenhooker came out in theaters on the same exact day? If only I'd been old enough to experience such a day properly, with all those rubbery fake breasts at once...

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Runners-up: Goodfellas (dir. Scorsese), Home Alone (dir. Columbus), Edward Scissorhands (dir. Tim Burton), Pretty Woman (dir. Garry Marshall), The Witches (dir. Nicolas Roeg), Nightbreed (dir. Clive Barker), Stella (dir. John Erman)...

... Cry Baby (dir. John Waters), Quick Change (dir. Howard Franklin), Postcards from the Edge (dir. Mike Nichols), Miller's Crossing (dir. Coens), Troll 2 (dir.  Claudio Fragasso), Mermaids (dir. Richard Benjamin), Alice (dir. Woody Allen), Ju Dou (dir. Zhang Yimou), The Reflecting Skin (dir. Phillip Ridley)

Never seen: Longtime Companion (dir.  Norman René)

Dreams (dir. Kurosawa)

King of New York (dir. Abel Ferrera)

Henry & June (dir. Philip Kaufman)

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What are your favorite movies of 1990?

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Yes, Really

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We told you about this a few weeks back when the movie had its 25th anniversary but the fancy new blu-ray including camp treasure Troll 2 and the fantastic documentary Best Worst Movie, as well as the original Troll film which has absolutely nothing to do with either of these other movies, is out for purchase today! See the movie the way it was never ever meant to be seen - looking good while being totally entertaining!

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Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Troll 2 (1990)

Michael: Do you see this writing? Do you know what it means? 

Hospitality. And you can't piss on hospitality! 

I WON'T ALLOW IT!

Joshua: What are you going to do to me, Daddy? 

Michael: Tightening my belt one loop so that I don't feel hunger pains, and your sister and mother will have to do likewise. Okay, Joshua. You wanna get rough with me? You wanna show me that you don't like the choice of this house for our vacation by going on a hunger strike? Well, I'll accept the challenge. But just remember when I was your age, I really did suffer from hunger. We'll see who gets through this, but just remember I've got more practice than you. I'll see you tomorrow. 

Today is the 25th anniversary of the release of the "Best Worst Movie" of all time, Troll 2!  Claudio Fragasso's schlockterpiece was "released" on this day in 1990 -- I use quotation marks around "released" because I have no idea what that means in this context; in the wonderful documentary Best Worst Movie, about the making of the movie and its eventual cult status, all of the actors talk about making the movie and then never hearing anything about it again until they heard it'd been renamed Troll 2 (it doesn't even have any trolls in it!) and released on VHS. And from there, the world!

Anyway...

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... make yourself a baloney sandwich,
get sexy with a corn cob...

... and bust out your best dance moves...

... it's a Nilbog party!

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This Is My 16,000th Post

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Holla.

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I Am Link

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--- The Long Hardy Road - Here's a sentence that's got several pleasure-inducing words all tumbled up in it - Tom Hardy and Michael Shannon are going to make a movie together, and it's based off a play that was written by the guy who wrote the TV show about Thomas Jane's big cock. Let's hope he readdresses Hung's themes for Tom and Mike! Apparently Hardy already did the play, called The Long Red Road, on stage a couple years ago, and Phillip Seymour Hoffman directed it.

--- Slam Man - Don't click on over to this AICN review of Pascal Laugier's The Tall Man unless you've seen it already - and if you haven't seen it already, see it, I liked it. But if you have seen it, get a load of that nonsense. Dude wasn't even paying attention.

--- Riot Girl - Some behind the scenes shots from the current Carrie remake with Chloe Moretz and Julianne Moore have landed over at BD and you might very well see a giant bucket of blood or two - or three even! - if you click on over.

--- Return to the Shire - I'm saving this for later this afternoon when my lunch-time pizza is sitting in front of me and I need something to read whilst I chew, but hey look over at Final Girl Stacie Ponder reviewed the 1998 horror flick The Landlady starring Talia Shire. I have never heard of it either, but what the hey.

--- First Stand - Slash has the trailer for the new Arnold Schwarzenegger movie called The Last Stand, which I am totally excited about because the guy that made I Saw the Devil directed it, and it co-stars Eduardo Noriega and Rodrigo Santoro. I mean, hello!

--- Supa Two - Joss Whedon's second round with The Avengers will land on May 1st, 2015. Giving the competition lots of time to get out of the way, I guess. Who will play The Scarlet Witch? Amy Acker anyone?

--- New Boloney - The new documentary from the guy who made the wonderful doc Best Worst Movie, about his time starring in the best worst movie Troll 2, has a new horror-themed doc called The American Scream that will be showing at Fantastic Fest at the end of September.

--- The Full LaBeouf - We all wondered when the rumor broke that Shia LaBeouf was gonna be making Nymphomaniac with Lars Von Trier just how far he'd be going in the promised-to-be explicit tale - some of us with gleeful anticipation, and some of us with dawning horror. Well Shia's sharing...

"It is what you think it is. There's a disclaimer at the top of the script that basically says, we're doing [the sex] for real. And anything that is 'illegal' will be shot in blurred images, but other than that, everything is happening."

--- Good Sir Cyborg - Some details on the extras that'll be on the DVD of Prometheus over here, including extra Fassy, because of course there will be. I just want some more full-length shots of him in his snug little suit, s'all I ask.
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I Am Link

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--- Richie Roth - Well now here's a news-story designed to tickle my fancies - Richard Kelly is directing and Eli Roth is producing a "contemporary thriller" called Corpus Christi about a mentally-unstable Iraq war veteran that makes strange friends with his supermarket-chain- owning boss. Variety sells it as a more "traditional" film for Kelly, but I'm sure he'll find some way to inject nose-bleeds or water-tunnels into it. He always does, bless his wacky self. A co-worker of mine brought up The Box just the other day and I do feel as if I oughta watch it again. God I hated it, but maybe like with Southland Tales it'll be better with a second viewing? I doubt it. Anyway Eli and Richie making movies together! There's an entire storage space in my brain devoted to slash-fic between these two so this'll work out well for me at least!

--- Selling the Spooks - A couple of horror movie trailers to take a look at - first up here's the trailer for the Korean serial-killer thriller I Saw the Devil, which I've been telling you is something you wanna keep an eye out for. It is! It really is.

And secondly here's the trailer for James Wan's Insiduous. I haven't watched it yet but I was just saying last night how conflicted I am about this movie. Everything I've seen from Wan so far - Saw, Death Sentence, Dead Silence - has been terrible. To not mince words, I think his movies are terrible and he has no talent. That said this is a horror movie starring Patrick Wilson, Rose Byrne, and Barbara Hershey! Dude! Conflicted.

--- Murders & Executions - Scorsese and DiCaprio are going to reunite again to that Wolf of Wall Street movie about a bad bad stock market dude, but first Marty's going to make something called Silence, a so-called "Jesuit-drama" that had Daniel Day-Lewis attached at one point. I'm sure DDL's already sequestered himself in a monastery for months of preparation.

--- The Golden King - If you've been following the slight drama over who's directing Xerxes, the sequel to 300, these past couple of days - Zach Snyder's a no go because Superman's already in trouble! - then you'll want to know that Guy Ritchie is not taking the job. Anyway all Xerxes makes me think of is a cat talking to you while you're rolling and Rodrigo Santoro's spangled panties, so I'm too distracted to pay much attention.

--- Super Space Cowboys - After he's done with X-Men Muppet Babies, director Matthew Vaughn is going to make The Golden Age, an opposite-end-of-the-super-spectrum companion piece to his Kick-Ass I guess, about superheroes coming out of retirement. He just loves them super-people, don't he? Anyway he wants Clint Eastwood, Jack Nicholson, and Warren Beatty for the leads. Mmm good luck with that Matty. Although looking at the cast he cooked up for X-Men I guess I shouldn't doubt the skills of his casting couch.

--- Two For Trade - Scott McNairy, the hipster dude in Monsters, and Ben Mendelsohn, big-time creep in Animal Kingdom, have joined the cast of Cogan's Trade, the next film from The Assassination of Jesse James and Chopper director Andrew Dominik, which is already set to star Brad Pitt. Sounds good to me. McNairy's up for a part in Abraham Lincoln Vampire Killer too. He'd make a good vampire.

--- Mis-Staked - Michael Stephenson, the kid-actor in Troll 2 who went on to make the already classic doc Best Worst Movie about that film, has done and gone and landed himself a fiction gig and it sounds like a blast - it's called Destroy and it's about a delusional fellow who fancies himself a vampire hunter but unfortunately for the old dudes he's staking as he makes his way across Europe he lives in a world without vampires. Whoopsie murder!

--- Go Westeros - I'll probably never play this game since it's for PCs but I get a giddy thrill outta seeing places from A Song of Ice and Fire brought to life this way all the same - io9's got some screengrabs from the new game based off the books.

--- Love PTA Style - Ooh how'd I miss this until now - Kim Morgan wrote up a piece on Punch-Drunk Love for Valentine's Day!
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I Am Link

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--- Katniss Is Mine - I'm starting to feel protective about The Hunger Games in one of those "I was there before you, it's mine!" sorts of ways, which of course is silly and foolish and TRUE. But now everybody's a fan and flying through the books in the span of a couple of days and I remember having to wait a year or more between each book and also walking uphill both ways to school in sleet and snow and also surviving cholera, so I win.

Point being EW is on top of the upcoming movie adaptation like white on rice and has another bit o' chat with director Gary Ross in their new issue, which you can read some or all of at this link. Be forewarned of a large spoiler for the first book in there. He tells an amusing story of how, when he got the job, a classroom of 12 year olds that sent him letters - at the instigation of their geeky teacher - telling him what he's got to get right for the movie versions, and how one horny boy demanded Megan Fox play Katniss. Lawdy.

--- Once a Lannister - Speaking of things I'm an unrepentant nerd about - do we speak of other things here? - EW also has a look at fifteen minutes of footage from Game of Thrones, HBO's adaptation of the first book in George R. R. Martin's fantasy series. They don't actually have to footage to share, that is, but they do describe it. "The things I do for love," is apparently included! I can't wait for some naked Nicholaj Coster-Waldau, yo.

--- Year in Geek - And speaking of geeky sci-fi slash fantasy junk, io9 has a list of all the items that fall under that broad umbrella coming out in 2011.

--- Isn't It Rich - No big surprise that Rich at fourfour and I shared some loves this past year - we usually do - here's his take on the wonderful Troll 2 doc Best Worst Movie (including the incredible catch of a cameo from an ANTM contestant that I adored once upon a time) and here's his take on the apparently awesome DVD commentaries on the must be seen and seen again Tiffany-fanatic documentary I Think We're Alone Now. Brilliant.

--- MVPs To Be - At Low Resolution Joe takes a look at the performances in 2011 he's most looking forward to the other day, and remarks upon a bevy of beautiful lads ranging from Chris Evans to Michael Fassbender to Garrett Hedlund and I got dizzy about halfway through.

--- Oh Pawnee - You know what needs to start already? The third season of Parks & Rec. I need and want it both! Now! PopWrap's got a sneak at it to momentarily sate the hunger.

--- Third Dimension Gondry - I've gotten so used to 3D being shoved in my face as a selling point I don't think I'd even noticed that The Green Hornet was in 3D, but now that it's getting reviewed and everybody's saying, "Hey, Michel Gondry does awesome stuff with 3D!" I feel like a fool for not putting those two together and realizing he would make 3D awesome, wouldn't he?

--- Knocked Down - A couple of words of advice to Judd Apatow, because obviously I know something about muklti-million dollar comedy success and should be listened to - I like your wife! I do. Leslie Mann's a gem, really. And Paul Rudd, duh, is the man. So I'm down with you giving their characters from Knocked Up their own movie. But if this movie is three hours long or features a single second of home-movies featuring your children, I am done with you. Done!

--- How Many Hobbits - I guess Frodo aka Elijah Wood might make an appearance in The Hobbit movies, is a rumor. Doesn't it seem like everyone who was in the Lord of the Rings movies is gonna make an appearance, according to rumor? But if Peter Jackson doesn't cram in Tom Bombadil this time, I swear!
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OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD

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Best Worst Movie is out on DVD today! In a just world
this film would have a best documentary nomination.

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Something I Never Thought I'd Read...

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... is Roger Ebert talking about Troll 2. My life has found new meaning. He reviewed the wonderful documentary Best Worst Movie (my review) which is about the so-called "worst movie ever made" and admitted that he actually owns a copy of Troll 2! But he hasn't watched it.

"I bought the DVD of “Troll 2” because a friend advised me to see it. “You’re busy,” he told me. “You don’t have time to see every bad movie. So you might as well see the worst of all time.” Yes, “Troll 2” has a coveted zero percent rating on the Tomatometer: the lowest-rated film ever made. A critic could become the most-hated person in fan circles by awarding it even half a star and spoiling the perfection of that zero.

I always intended to view “Troll 2” but, I dunno, never found the time. Now comes “Best Worst Movie” to save me the trouble."

He makes a couple of mistakes in his review - first off, it wasn't Troll 2's claim to fame to have a 0% on the Tomatometer - it doesn't even have a rating there - it was for awhile the lowest rated movie on IMDb. It ain't that anymore. Now it's #65, which I understand - I'd give Troll 2 a good rating myself - it's brought me more pleasure than any number of films.

And later in his review Roger says this:

"The movie was named “Goblin” but then the title was changed to “Troll 2” because that sounded more commercial. It is only a technicality that there was no movie named “Troll.” You could go out and make one, but then this would be the sequel."

There is most definitely a Troll 1, even though it has absolutely no connection to Troll 2. You should read Adam's review of the first Troll here. I've still never watched it. But the monsters in Troll 2 aren't even trolls, their goblins, which adds to its deranged charms.

But still, it brings me much pleasure that Best Worst Movie is still making the rounds and getting these good notices. It's worthy. I hope everyone's seen it by now, if it's come near you!
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I Am Link

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--- Five-nal - What the fuck is 5nal Destination even supposed to mean? Who are these moronic people who think that mutilating words equals hip? I can just picture it now: three kids walking through the mall, they see the movie's poster, and wham, the fact that it says 5nal instead of Final just blows their minds and they empty their pockets right there and then! Good grief. Anyway besides that news we've got word on what the opening death sequence, almost always these movies highlights, is gonna be. It sounds huge, and possibly awesome. So perhaps the 5nal worked its mojo on me after all! Nope... still looks like Anal.

--- UnPegged - Over here there's a couple of choice quotes from Edgar Wright, including where his adaptation of Ant Man stands - he's holding off on writing a second draft til all the Scott Pilgrim stuff is over - and on why he didn't cram his co-conspirators in awesomeness Simon Pegg and Nick Frost in said Pilgrim movie.

--- Little Monsters - If you live in London then you're an asshole if you don't go to this show of Ray Harryhausen's creations. Bring it to New York please!

--- Double Decker Baloney Sandwich - You'd think that Michael Stephenson would be sick of talking about Troll 2 by now, but he's got the stamina of a bull - here's yet another fun interview with him talking about Best Worst Movie and his experiences touring with the delightful doc for the past... oh, four years or so.

--- Second Activity - The trailer for the Paranormal Activity sequel has arrived! I haven't watched it yet but apparently it spoils the ending of the first film, so beware of that if you're a newbie. Although why anyone who hadn't seen the original would care enough to watch a trailer for the second film I don't know.

--- Unto Alien - You know what movie is fun to watch over and over again? Timecrimes. I've seen it like four times and it's entertaining and spooky and totally engaging every single time. The director of that movie, Nacho Vigalando, has revealed his next movie will be about spooky extraterrestrials, and BD has some info on it.
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I Am Link

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--- Coffee Is The Devil's Drink - Have any of y'all gotten to catch Best Worst Movie, the doc on the Troll 2 cult-phenomenon, as it's made it's way across the country these past several weeks? If you still have the chance, see it! It's so much freaking fun. (Here's my review.) Anyway it should be available before the end of the year for everybody; STYD has some word from film-maker and star Michael Paul Stephenson on the DVD details.

--- Cam's Man Can - A right hand man to James Cameron, Steven Quale, has been picked to direct the fifth Final Destination film. He directed second-unit and visual effects on Avatar and Titanic.

--- Sis Troika - The roles of Paul Rudd's sisters in the comedy My Idiot Brother will be played by Elizabeth Banks, Zooey Deschanel, and Emily "I am Emily Mortimer, hear me fucking roar" Mortimer. Yay Emily Mortimer! I hope she has something to do; she can be so so funny. (Avian Bone Syndrome. Nuff said.)

--- Fuzzy Gift - Next Christmas we're gonna have a bunch of Muppets under the tree! Jason Segel's Muppet movie will be out on December 25th, 2011. I'm buying my ticket right now!

--- Space Filler - Pretty and bland Max Minghella has joined the cast of the alien-invasion movie produced by Wanted's Timur Bekmambetov called The Darkest Hour alongside Emile Hirsch (oh plus Olivia Thirlby). I hope Max and Emile get to make out some. Why not? I'm sick of watching straight couples make out. Yuck!

--- More Lost Than Before - Slash has some word on that fifteen minute or so epilogue that's going to be included on the super huge box-set of all Lost's seasons that will answer some lingering questions. Head over there if you want the spoilers (are they still considered spoilers if the show's really done and this is shit they're tossing on the DVD to drive up sales though?). But Walt comes up. I'll totally be watching this shit though; I think by then my lingering dislikes - and yes, they still linger now - about the finale might lose a bit of their fierceness.

--- Home Satanic Home - Any piece on Ti West's The House of the Devil that begins by saying, "The House of the Devil is a masterpiece that cannot be improved upon," has certainly grabbed my attention. I might think that's taking it a little far, but I appreciate the gumption. (And I do love the film; I just think it's got some flaws, especially in the last 20 minutes.)

--- And finally, hey look it's Ron Weasley all growed up and scruffy and shirtless and waving around a gun and shit (via):

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I Am Link

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Hey everybody the phrase "sick and tired" pretty much sums up my wherewithal this morning. I've been fighting this allergy-cold-thing for about a week and I didn't get enough sleep last night and this is not just to whine at you but to let you know I might not be blogging much today as my head feels like this. But here's links!

--- Owen & Abby - That above is the second image from the Let the Right One In remake, showing the memorable Rubiks Cube scene, via AICN. I guess we're getting an idea of what Reeves will be going for visually, and it is striking.

--- True Boo - I understand Pax's enthusiasm over discovering a horror movie that actually scares - it happens far too rarely - so he's got me interested in seeing The Possession of David O'Reilly, which he's reviewed at Billy Loves Stu.

--- Rappin' Granny - Although the writers relied on "She's so old!" jokes a little too much, I thought Betty White was a delight from sart to finish on SNL this weekend. And to see all those familiar faces surrounding her! (Whitney!) Such a treat. And there were skits we didn't get to see, including Bronx Beat! PopWrap collected the videos from the dress rehearsal.

--- Past Hacks - Buried somewhere in the boxes of childhood memories I keep in my mother's basement I have this list of Jason Voorhees kills that Cracked magazine gathered up in a convenient list form back in the day, so seeing it scanned in over at io9 just made my brain tingle.

--- I Think You're Evil - How have I not seen Birdemic yet? Argh! I missed it when it screened here in NYC so I guess I'm gonna have to watch it at home now, sans crowd participation. Oh well. By all accounts it's not to be missed. Anything that makes Troll 2 seem better by contrast has gotta be something spectacular. Final Girl reviewed it as well as The Descent Part 2 and cheapie rip-off Paranormal Entity.

--- Good Better Best - Glenn finished up his really astonishing list of his favorite things from the Aughts over here with his 25-1 bits.

--- Hey Look, it's old people getting high. Rich makes the internet 100% richer. But is it wrong that I find the following gif sexy?

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