Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

 ... you can learn from:

Prisoners (2013)

Detective Loki: Alex Jones, unfortunately,

has the I.Q. of a ten-year-old.

Have truer words ever been spoken? Oh -- you say he was talking about the character played by Paul Dano in this movie and not the right-wing scumbag Alex Jones? Well I mean the right-wing scumbag. Anyway a happy 10 to this movie! I have been meaning to re-watch it for this anniversary, which I knew was coming as I have had it on my calendar for months, but which I still haven't gotten around to. I remember liking it, not loving it, when it came out, and it's such a damn downer -- not exactly the recipe to make me pop it in on a Tuesday night when I'm looking to relax. But I really do want to give it another shot and see if it's risen (or fallen) in my estimation. Any thoughts on this movie?

The Son in 250 Words or Less

It didn't seem possible to me that a movie starring Hugh Jackman and Laura Dern and Vanessa Kirby and directed by the same dude who gave us Anthony Hopkins' deeply moving turn in The Father (earning that Oscar if you ask me) could've possibly been deserving of the derision it was met with when it premiered in Toronto a couple of months ago... but gee golly damn were the sayers of nay saying nay the right way as far as The Son is concerned. From its shockingly inept script (I never saw the play but this dialogue is so ham-handed I can't imagine it even working on stage, where theatricality can usually work better than it will on film) to Jackman's at times so-bad-its-camp performance, this movie would've probably just been swept aside if lesser hands had made it, but with this big-time crew yeesh what a disaster. And they're pushing for Oscar attention, no less! Just cut your losses and stop embarrassing yourselves, y'all. Dern and Kirby do try valiantly to make their characters and their dialogue make sense, but there's no doing. The Son's the same inane conversation fifty times in a row, so flatly basic in its understanding of human nature that it misunderstands human nature wholly -- it fully circles around to being obscene about mental health by its end. Avoid at all costs.

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

The Fountain (2006)

Isabel: For every shadow, no matter how

deep, is threatened by morning light.

I listen to Clint Mansell's magnificent score for The Fountain all the time (indeed I saw him perform it live once inside a church here in NYC and it nearly blew my head off) but I'm only just now realizing here on the film's 15th anniversary that I probably haven't sat down and watched the film itself in nearly fifteen years? I should fix that! It's a good movie for the holidays, maybe I'll watch it over Thanksgiving break and report back. What are your thoughts on The Fountain for its 15th anniversary, if any? Fans?

Reminiscence in 150 Words or Less

The best compliment I can give Reminiscence is it feels like a second draft script, not a first at least, but it needed more than two to be frank -- ten maybe? Or just toss it all out and start over? A total waste of time, much like the later seasons of Westworld funny enough -- I don't want to rag on writer-director Lisa Joy too bad because she's a Pushing Daisies alum and those people must be CHERISHED but this movie just does not work and I have no idea why it was made. Well scratch that -- I wish more movies like Reminiscence were made, in theory, because in theory it's a Sci-Fi Noir standalone curiosity that purports to be "about people" but in practice it's all bruised elbows and shattered glass, the remnants of a fight that reportedly happened but nothing to see here move it along...

#NowWatching REMINISCENCE which so far has a few things going for it... namely Rebecca Ferguson is incapable of not being 1000% watchable, and Daniel Wu's abs pic.twitter.com/x46kmhvIRw

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) September 1, 2021

That's One Big Taron

(pic via) Do we have any clue what Taron Egerton is getting into this insane shape for? I've been tweeting out his Instagram-covered workout routine for awhile now in this thread linked here (which began with his role playing a footballer-turned-inmate in an upcoming Apple+ series, posted about here) but this new snap from today is some next level shit. You should click on the above image if you can't quite make out what I am talking about, but here, I'll make it easy for you and zoom in on the bits that matter:

The only future project that Taron has listed on IMDb right now is the possibility that he might play Seymour in the new Little Shop of Horrors musical, and those shoulders are not for Seymour, I can tell you that much right now. This makes me think there could be truth to the rumor he could pick up the Wolverine mantle from his one-time co-star (and subject of one heavily meme'd gif) Hugh Jackman, once Marvel starts churning out their X-Men movies. I might have made up that rumor myself to be honest, i can't even remember, but it's a good rumor! It makes sense! Especially if Taron is now shaped like he is shaped!

Hugh's Your Daddy

I don't know if y'all clocked it but my Hugh Jackman posting here on the site dropped off rather precipitously around the time he defended his friendship with Ivanka Trump -- weird, right? How those two totally unrelated events seemed to overlap? Anyway there's Hugh news today that compels me to post about him, so here we are. We'll see how it goes. The news is thus: The Father director Florian Zeller has lined up the cast for The Son, his follow-up to The Father which currently (and rightly) nominated for a bunch of Oscars, and it will be led by Mr. Jackman and Laura Dern. I should've just posted a photo of Laura -- she'll never do me wrong. I guess that Zeller once wrote an entire trilogy of stage plays, titled The Father, The Son, and The Mother, and this will mark the middle point in turning them into movies. Here's how The Son's plot is described:

"While The Father explored the devastating emotional impact of dementia, The Son will focus its lens on adolescent depression. The story follows Peter (Jackman) as his busy life with new partner Emma and their baby is thrown into disarray when his ex-wife Kate (Dern) turns up with their troubled and angry teenage son, Nicholas. Peter strives to be a better father, searching to help his son with intimate and instinctive moments of family happiness — to solve, with understanding, what Nicholas is going through. But the weight of Nicholas’ condition sets the family on a dangerous course, and they must do everything they can to maintain the bonds that hold them together."

Taron Egerton Four Times

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Not that I've exactly been terribly worried about celebrities managing to stay safe during the pandemic -- if anybody's got the resources it's them -- but I do like the thought of Taron Egerton sitting at home reading a pile of books, and so I appreciate that his new chat with GQ plopped some homey images of that sort into my head. They also ask him about the rumor that he could be taking over the X-Men character of Wolverine from his buddy Hugh Jackman, which he says is all talk. He wouldn't be a bad choice? It'll probably end up being Zac Efron. Anyway hit the jump for three more photos...
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Jake Puts His Ass Up For Tom Holland

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He did it, he did it! Yesterday Tom Holland challenged Jake Gyllenhaal and Ryan Reynolds (oh and his best buddy Harrison too, who did it last night) to do what he did, namely put on a shirt whilst also hand-standing. We covered it here, rather thoroughly, including how Jake immediately teased him and us back... we weren't sure Jake was gonna do it (Ryan Reynolds chickened out), but here it is!

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Blessings be upon us all. Also I love how at the end of the video Jake hysterically challenges Hugh Jackman and 50 Cent and his sister Maggie to do this. LOL please Maggie! We need to see it. (And then she should challenge the hubby Peter Sarsgaard.) We are blessed.

Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

... believing in taking care of myself with 

a balanced diet and a rigorous exercise routine 

with Kumail Nanjiani.

Kumail is on the cover of the new issue of Men's Health (thx Anna) showing off his brand new Eternals bod -- something we've all known was coming ever since he first posted those great big beefcake photos back in December -- and oh lordy it doesn't disappoint. Besides the workout video (which I have dutifully capped the ever-loving shit out of below)...

... and the interview with him, they have had him recreate several icons of meaty man testosterone iconography, such as Patrick Bateman (up top), Hugh Jackman's Wolverine, and the infamous Top Gun volleyball scene. (Of which I'm tempted to do a "Who wore it best?" with Glen Powell in the trailer for the sequel.) It's all so sweaty and veiny and goofy and stupendous I feel like I've gotten my own workout for the day just looking at these things. While I get some rest y'all hit the jump for a few dozen snaps...

Good Morning, Logan

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According to Hugh Jackman, who just shared these photos on his Instagram and who really ought to know, his me-so-serious superhero movie Logan came out three years ago today. I never really got the love for that movie -- and post-Ford-v-Ferrari I've pretty much decided that me and director James Mangold don't really speak the same language -- but I'll always get the love for shredded bearded Hugh, so I'm gonna re-post his photos after the jump...

Good Morning, World

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Luke Evans wants attention, 

we'll give Luke Evans attention. 

Thankfully Taron Egerton agrees:

I was trying to figure out how these two knew each other -- besides poolside at Elton John's, probably; I don't think they've ever been in a movie together, have they? -- when I stumbled across this:

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Missing Link in 300 Words or Less

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It's understandable that Laika would swerve towards a goofier spot on the animated totem after the relative artiness (I say with awe-struck admiration) of the studio's last feature, the gorgeous and moving Kubo and the Two Strings -- any animation studio doomed to repeat itself churns out nothing but shrieking time-fillers, cough cough. Bring on the pratfalls and poop jokes! That said I'll admit the breezy tone and boisterous colors of the trailer for Missing Link put me off at first -- I worried my beloved Laika might be selling out, especially alongside the weird small flood of Bigfoot and Bigfoot-adjacent animated movies hitting all of a sudden. Might Laika has misstepped? Truly a fool's query at this point in time -- of course they didn't. 

Missing Link is a rich strange and funny addition to their now classic roster, full of enthusiastic action sequences set against stunningly rendered backdrops -- the adventure seeking Sir Lionel Frost struts and strides across the globe, picking up his sidekick the sasquatch in (barely) disguise Susan along the way, and every environment, from the stuffy smoke-rooms of a quasi-Victorian London to the desert west to the hard sharp off-white peaks of Tibetan majesty ring with glorious detail; from the craquelure of shattering icicles to the hump-headed lake monsters lolling eyeballs down to the thousands upon thousands of seamless facial expressions making these folks crackle and pop, Missing Link is magic. Even when you're not simply dizzied by the world-best skill on display you're tickling your funny bone with split pants puns. It's yet another enchanted everything - we are, to put it mildly, not worthy.

Abominable Says What

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There are a big bunch of movies to see out this weekend! Too many, in fact! I've thankfully got a little bit of a head-start having already seen Sauvage/Wild (reviewed here) and Her Smell (reviewed here) but there's also Neil Marshall's new Hellboy (which sadly is getting absolutely scathing reviews -- I hope Neil has another The Descent in him one day) and the Elle Fanning neon-pop musical Teen Spirit (seeing that tonight; here's the trailer) and Molly Shannon's Emily Dickinson flick Wild Nights With Emily. But most of all there is a new Laika film out, the Bigfoot adventure Missing Link. I wasn't nuts about ML's trailer but the reviews have been very good, phew. Crisis averted. We want Laika to keep up their masterpiece pace for a very very very long time. Speaking of...
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Excluding #MissingLink since I ain't seen it yet what's the best Laika film?

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) April 12, 2019

5 Off My Head: PG-13 For Bottoms

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A bit ago I railed against the rumor that Paramount is trying to cut the butts out of the Elton John bio-pic Rocketman -- the butts themselves, while no doubt very fine (I mean look at Richard Madden's), aren't really the point; the point is the gay male intimacy they're more than willing to jettison in favor of a sexless (yet financially successful) travesty like Bohemian Rhapsody. And it didn't even occur to me in the heat of the moment -- thanks to commenter Carl for pointing it out -- that PG-13 movies are fine with butts. (Hello PG rated Leonard Whiting in Romeo & Juliet, seen above.) This is all a thin gruel excuse, because a butt doesn't get you an R rating at all. In fact it's really very easy to think up multiple examples, so here are five I grabbed off the top of my head...

Cam Gigandet in Burlesque

Hugh Jackman in X-Men: Days of Future Past

Lou Diamond Phillips in La Bamba

(an important one for actual 13-year-old me)

Ewan McGregor in The Ghost Writer

Daniel Craig in Casino Royale,

complete with child-friendly ball torture sequence

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What are your fave PG-13 Butts?

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Quote of the Day

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"I think the film feels like something that the gay community especially can really take ownership of. I really threw myself into it. I filmed my first sex scene for this film and it was... [smiles] I feel that the movie we've shot is really a celebration of everything that Elton John is and part of that is his sexuality and I think when it comes out I actually think the gay community will be quite surprised by quite how it appeals... I've loved every second of it. I'm not someone who is remotely perturbed by male intimacy, and I'm quite proud of what we've done in it. We really went to some places with it."

That's Taron Egerton talking Rocketman with MTV last week - you can watch the video right here. (I transcribed his quote from that, hence it being kinda rambling.) He also calls Jamie Dornan "lush" at one point, I liked that. Oh and please do keep in mind that as we previously noted the "sex scene" Taron speaks of is with Richard Madden, as well....

That is important to remember at this juncture. Anyway yes Taron just recently came out as "not gay" after everybody read one of his Instagram posts as being super duper gay... but hey, that leaves the door open for bi, right? Here's exactly what he said:

"One of the lads was at my London flat and I Instagrammed a picture of him and said ‘Look at this cutie’, and a million outlets reported I was coming out as gay...I’m not gay but two of my mates came out when I was 15 and it was a joy to support them because, as a group, we are all secure in who we are... I’m certainly not going to stop calling my mates cuties and gorgeous, because they are cuties and they are gorgeous."

I'm still not able to work myself up into a frenzy about two "not gay" actors playing homosexuals in a movie, even in the wake of the homophobic spectacle that was Bohemian Rhapsody, which yes, was at least partially directed by the same man directing Rocketman, Dexter Fletcher. And speaking of not gay gayness, Egerton made that Eddie the Eagle movie with Fletcher a couple years back, which gifted the internet with this non-stop spectacle...

Anyway I remain hopeful that Elton John's hands-on (heh, no doubt) involvement with Rocketman will lead to it being a much more actively and importantly happily gay experience than Rhapsody did witout Freddie Mercury around to set the record straight, or rather, the opposite of straight. I have enjoyed the Rocketman trailers, the most recent one even more so, and speaking of here, since I don't think I ever posted it, let's watch it and get some Elton stuck in our heads all day:
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Short Weight For the Weekend

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I don't know what you people plan on watching this weekend but if you're in New York or Los Angeles I recommend you find your way to Weightless with the seen-above-beauty Alessandro Nivola (see more of that shoot right here) alongside the always-welcome Julianne Nicholson -- I reviewed Weightless right here and it's fully worth your time and effort.

I haven't seen any of the weekend's other releases yet - not that gal in the spider web, not the Zombie Nazis, and not the political movie starring [NAME REDACTED BECAUSE WE DON'T SPEAK OF THAT PERSON ANYMORE] and I might not since I now have piles, literal heaps, of FYC screeners laying beside my couch and it's raining and man, I be lazy. Tis a good time to veg. Have a good one, everybody.

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Good Morning, World

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A happy 50th birthday to Hugh Jackman today! I know a lot of you will answer "Logan" enthusiastically but you'd be wrong so I won't bother asking what you think the last good movie Hugh starred in was - kind of a mean question for a birthday wish, I do realize, but looking through his filmography this morning I was all, uh, yuck. No wonder Hugh's been off my radar for a bit. (For the record the last good movie he was in was Prisoners five years ago.) Maybe The Front Runner (Jaosn Retiman's movie about the Gary Hart scandal) will be good though! Fingers crossed. It's a good and timely tale. Anyway these gifs are from the 1995 TV movie (I think?) The Rat Tamer, which co-starred Hugh's enthusiastic wife Deborah Lee Furness. The whole thing is on YouTube. Hugh was 26 years young here!

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Prisoners (2013)

Keller: You know the most important thing your granddad ever taught me? Hmm? Be ready. Hurricane, flood, whatever it ends up being. No more food gets delivered to the grocery store, gas stations dry up. People just turn on each other, and uh, all of a sudden all that stands between you and being dead is you. 

A happy 51st birthday to director Denis Villeneuve today!  He's off preparing to shoot his big-budget adaptation of Dune and we really do wish him all the best - I would've been a little bit more optimistic before I fell asleep halfway through his Blade Runner 2049 movie but I'm hoping he took the lessons he learned making that and will apply them to Dune, especially since Dune could also fall quickly into ponderous territory if you let it. (Just ask David Lynch!) Anyway he's got Timmy so he'll be fine. And now, a query (and yes I'm skipping his early French-Canadian films because I wanted to limit this poll to five, but you may feel free to make your cases for Incendies or Polytechnique or Maelstrom in the comments):

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bike tracks

Turn 'Em On! Turn 'Em On! Turn On Those...

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I was hesitant to even post about this news because we've heard this same song sung several times over the past year (and nevermind all the times we heard the same song sung about Tom Hardy for a few years before that) but Deadline is reporting that it's officially official, that Taron Egerton will be playing Elton John in a musical bio-pic about the singer. And Taron will sing himself! Love this bit:

"Egerton, who has not hidden his wish to play this role, will sing the songs himself, and sources said that everyone who has heard him has been gobsmacked by the quality of his voice and its proximity to the subject as Egerton sang numerous of his classics."

Gobsmacked! Indeed. I bet Taron learned to sing beautifully under Hugh Jackman's tutelage. Speaking of it's the director of the movie Eddie the Eagle, which brought Hugh & Taron together so memorably, that is directing this, and it's set to start filming this summer. Anyway since we're here we might as well post these Taron pictures we found, since we're here and all, hit the jump for 'em...

The Greatest Wicked Beach Bum Star

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If you head on over to The Film Experience this morning I'm taking brief stock of the state of Zac Efron's career, at least horizon-wise (not horizontally-wise though, unfortunately) -- after The Greatest Showman this weekend his next two films are possibly risky stuff for the former Disney star. Do we think that Mr. High School Musical can he transition into his Big Boy Pants? 

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