Toby Wallace Twelve Times

Ron Howard's weird little movie Eden is out in theaters this weekend after what's felt like a very long delay -- I kept thinking it'd come out already, but then I kept getting emails that it was coming out, you know, later. Anyway I saw an early cut of it like a year and a half ago so I have no idea if it's changed much but given the myriad headlines about Jude Law's Dick I think its most important facets have been left untouched. (Dare I say... uncut?) I'm being a little facetious because Eden is actually the most interesting movie Ron Howard has directed... probably ever? And the fact that it co-stars our boy Toby Wallace here certainly helps -- I mean where are the headlines that Toby also drops trou? Yes it's true -- "Opie" directed a movie starring multiple man-wangs. The world is truly upside down. Anyway it's worth seeing, this Eden movie, so see it when you can; meanwhile Toby's slutting it up in plastic pants for Numero Netherlands magazine (via) today and so we're focusing in on that for right this second. Hit the jump for the entire shoot...

Jeremy and Tigers and Jude, Oh My

This news is two days old so the world's moved on but here I am, world, here I am, finally reporting that Jude Law and Andrew Garfield are going to play homosexual tiger tamers Seigfried and Roy in a limited series about their lives for Apple. Titled Wild Things (excuse me there is already a campy queer masterpiece called Wild Things) it'll have Jude starring as Siegfried and Andy as Roy, and if you ever knew which one of those weirdos was which I wish you the best. Coming so soon after reporting that Sebastian Stan and Leo Woodall will be playing a gay couple I feel as if it's my duty to holler about "where the hell are the gay actors getting cast in gay roles" here, even if I'm not really honestly all that upset about this shit this week -- there's just other stuff to worry about. I can't prioritize who's slipping into spangled leotards to play the Vegas punchlines right now. But since we're here anyway...

... I will also report on (presumably) less gay news that also involves a pair of straight actors that people seem to find attractive (I only find one attractive and I've made that opinion known before) -- Jeremy Allen White and Austin Butler are going to star in a "crime saga" film for A24 titled Enemies,  about a contract killer and a detective playing "cat and mouse." The film will be directed by Henry Dunham, who made 2018's Standoff at Sparrow Creek -- I feel as if that title is familiar but I don't think I ever saw that. But good on A24 for continuing to support new filmmakers, and to hook them up with great big stars in the process. Anyway that news is brand new, of today, so we're all caught up now. Hooray!

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

 ... you can learn from:

The Nest (2020)

Allison: You can blame shit on me Sam, but you're 

the one who's going to have to live with your choices.

Sam: I don't have to make choices, mom. 

I'll just find a man to make my choices for me.

A happy 44 to Carrie Coon today! We've just got a couple of weeks until The White Lotus returns for its third season and we're gifted with CC dropped Mike White dialogue like its hot (her AND Parker Posey -- I can barely contain my glee; and you did hear the show's already renewed for a fourth season right? It sppears the trade-off on this timeline was everything else is shit but we get Mike White finally being appreciated properly.) Anyway if you still haven't seen Sean Durkin's 2020 film The Nest (it got seriously lost and underappreciated amid the doom of that year) I highly recommend you seek it out; I think it's brilliant. Here's my review. And even if you disagree there's a Carrie Coon dance sequence that transcends all differences!

You should also go and watch His Three Daughters on Netflix by the way -- the movie got ignored by awards bodies I think because nobody knew which actress between Coon, Natasha Lyonne, and Elisabeth Olsen to focus on because they're all really great in it. A really fine piece of work, that one. 

Good Morning, Jude Law

Our good boy Jude has a couple of movies out this fall -- there's The Order, his FBI versus the white supremiscists thriller (co-starring Nicky Hoult) from Snowtown and True History of the Kelly Gang director Justin Kurzel, and he has Eden, Ron Howard's film telling the true (weird, very weird) story of a group of bohemians and scientists clashing in the Galapagos in the 1920s. I have seen both of these movies, and they are both totally solid entertainments -- from Kurzel, who I revere, a "totally solid entertainment" is less than what I expect. While from Howard it's the opposite since I generally think he's become a terrible director. So a "totally solid entertainment" from him is a step up! 

Either way they're both serious adult movies worth watching, although I doubt they'll make much of a splash in the current entertainment landscape -- well except for Jude showing his dick in Eden. There have already been headlines about that! Anyway point being Jude has stuff coming out (heh, indeed) so he's on the cover of British GQ this month and these are the photos. I haven't read the interview yet so I don't know if he talks about them, if he talks about his penis, or what. So I did it for him. You're welcome, Jude. Hit the jump for the photos...

Good Morning, World

I mentioned Aussie actor Toby Wallace just a couple of days ago when the first images from Ron Howard's new movie Eden hit the net -- specifically the first images of Jude Law half naked in it, and we've got an update on that front:

Didn't tell ya so 👀 https://t.co/k1gdfjZi5z

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) September 9, 2024

Ahhhhem. Anyway back to Toby -- I've been a fan of his since his turn in Babyteeth in 2019; did any of you see that movie? Eliza Scanlan plays a teen girl dying of cancer and Toby is the bad boy who invades her life and turns it upside down. That's a good, sweet, sad movie, and he is terrific in it -- see it if you haven't. Since then he's been in The Bikeriders and The Royal Hotel with Julia Garner and I expect we'll be seeing a lot of him as he's talented and, also importantly, super cute.

As this new photoshoot for Behind the Blinds magazine makes clear! (PS you'll also be seeing a lot of him in Eden, by the way, but you didn't hear that from me. Ahem.) Aaaanyway this is probably just the first post of what will be many on Toby, so welcome to the gratuitous club, my boy. Hit the jump for the photoshoot...

Pic of the Day

Vanity Fair has shared a first look at Ron Howard's upcoming film Eden which is premiering at TIFF, and which apparently includes Jude Law half naked. Could those shorts be any lower? (Well yes technically they could be in the dirt.) The film tells the true story of a bunch of pilgrims in the late 1920s who headed off to the islands of the Galapagos to try and forge their own destinies, with tragic results -- it also stars Vaness Kirby, Ana De Armas, Sydney Sweeney, Daniel Brühl, and mmmm Toby Wallace. I hope Jude and Toby rassel naked! That's what I call paradise. See more photos at that first link. None as promising as this one though. 

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

eXistenZ (1999)

Ted: We're both stumbling around together in this unformed

world, whose rules and objectives are largely unknown,

seemingly indecipherable or even possibly nonexistent,

always on the verge of being killed by
forces that we don't understand.

Allegra: That sounds like my game, all right. 

Ted: That sounds like a game that's
not gonna be easy to market. 

Allegra: But it's a game everybody's already playing.

David Cronenberg's eXistenZ was released 25 years ago today!

If you haven't picked up that 4K yet I recommend doing so.

PS this makes a killer double-feature with Crimes of the Future.

Good Morning, World

Hello and happy Monday! Hope one and all had a good weekend but either way let's get it started with goodness -- somehow over the holidays I completely missed these photos of a half-naked Jude Law stomping around the Australian set of his upcoming film Eden from director Ron Howard, and that shouldn't stand. The movie has quite the cast -- Sydney Sweeney, Daniel Brühl, Ana de Armas, and Vanessa Kirby among others -- and is about...

... a bunch of people who "leave everything behind and set their futures on the harsh landscape of the Galapagos." Mkay. Honestly I don't know why Ron Howard keeps getting directing gigs much less casts of this caliber as he is a terrible director, but I'll accept these photos of Jude's furry torso with those shorts slipping so low in exchange to temporarily shut my yap. I am spectacularly cheap. Hit the jump for a bunch...

Nobody Puts Madsy in the Corner

Well it's that time! What time? Time for me to head off to places unknown (read: my couch) for five straight days. It's a holiday weekend here in the U.S. and I'm off until next Wednesday. I put in the work this past week though -- I reviewed the new Indiana Jones (here), I reviewed the new Jennifer Lawrence (here), I reviewed the new Rock Hudson bio-pic (here), I reviewed the new Wes Anderson (here), and I reviewed a forthcoming Jude Law (here). Oh and I answered the question of which role of Harrison Ford's was the hottest right here. PLUS I have a big piece that has not been not published yet which I will update the site with a link to over the break. That's a lotta goddamned writing y'all and I ready for that goddamned couch.

But like I did just say -- I will be updating the site a little bit over the break; not just that coming piece (heh I said "coming piece") but there's our annual July 4th ridiculousness as well, which will land on (you guessed it) July 4th. So come back and visit over the break for these and perhaps other surprises! Or per usual keep your eyes on my social media accounts -- it's not like I'll be off of those for longer than five seconds. Have a happy 4th, y'all! And even more importantly -- Happy 11 to Magic Mike!

The Public Life of the Sixth Wife

Katherine Parr, the sixth and final wife of the British monarch Henry VIII, has never gotten much attention from the movies -- there's 1933's The Private Life of Henry VIII and 1953's Young Bess, the 20-year-separate pair that both star Charles Laughton as the larger-than-life despot, offing his brides one by one. And Parr does get some proper attention in the latter where she is played by Deborah Kerr and is shown being instructive to Princess Elizabeth (Jean Simmons), soon to be the formidable Queen for several decades. 

Enter Firebrand, the lush and lavish and darkly devastating new period piece from Brazilian director Karim Aïnouz, who in 2019 gave us one of the great films of the new millennium with Invisible Life (one of my favorite films of that year). (Also as a sidenote: Aïnouz's 2011 film The Silver Cliff, which has never gotten any kind of release here in the U.S. save one screening here in NYC that I was fortunate enough to be at, is also a masterpiece and god I want to see it again.) Starring Alicia Vikander at her most quietly determined as Parr and an almost unrecognizably disgusting Jude Law as her husband the King, Firebrand finally gives Parr her due, while also giving Vikander a fine role suited to her quiet strengths.

Narrated by the Princess and Queen-to-be Elizabeth (a watchful Junia Rees), Firebrand is also framed, like Young Bess was, as the story of how that iconic future monarch -- one who's never fallen into the short-on-biopics camp -- would learn from Parr how to manage being both a woman and a leader at once. Mostly set across a small stretch of time where Henry runs off to do some warmongering and Parr momentarily takes over the throne, becoming the Regent in his absence, there are lessons here that fall into the pro and the anti camp for Elizabeth, behaviorally speaking, and she's always lurking in the background soaking them up.

But this is very much Katherine's story. Frustrating, tragic, but also illuminating -- the author of several prayer books (including the first book ever published by a Queen under her own name), Parr was a woman centuries before her time, and she paid for it. Vikander, so slight and yet somehow never once lost under these enormous and elaborate (and really very gorgeous) costumes, brings a silent ferocity to the woman -- she's smarter than almost anyone around her, and yet her intelligence keeps tripping her up in a world that sees no value in an intelligent woman. 

Katherine's contradictions are her downfall -- prone to visiting with heretics and openly flirting with her ex Sir Thomas Seymour (Sam Riley, looking good enough in his ginger ZZ Top beard that he makes open flirting understandable), she knows she's playing with fire in Henry's eyes. The man has already gone through five wives at this point! And yet she also sees that Henry is drawn to her fire too, and she finds it irresistible -- she wants to use her power to possibly enact real change, standing as they do on the cusp of the Reformation. She is a true believer, and she sees that possibility. She just tries to jump ahead a little too fast.

Katherine's under-told story aside, Jude Law nevertheless very nearly steals the film from Vikander, even though hubby Henry doesn't plod into the film until its midway point. Bringing to mind Olivia Colman's petulant Queen Anne in The Favourite, with her weeping sores and wounded ego, both monarchs are illustriously disgusting figures -- Anne remained mostly relatable though, at least in comparison to Law's Henry, who's nothing but pus and sexual appetite and a bottomless jealousy where his heart should go. Law's Henry bellows at god in fury for every perceived slight, and then some part of him immediately starts leaking. This is a Henry on his last leg, as it were, but he'll bring down the entire house with him if he must. And obviously he must. Anyway Law savors and devours every grunt -- getting to be ugly and awful never looked so rancidly delicious -- we can practically taste the poisonous spittle coming off the screen. It's a lot! But I believed every second.

There are bits of history that get shuffled about in Firebrand's last act that I won't wander into for spoiler's sake, but they don't really matter too much -- we're not talking about an Inglourious Basterds type of historical rewrite here. What does matter is that Aïnouz and his screenwriters, the sisters Henrietta and Jessica Ashworth, fashion a quietly compelling tale of agency dashed upon the rocks. Broken and battered until somebody, just ahead, manages to pick up the pieces and put them together in a new way, a way that might just work this time out. It's about small steps, two back for every forward, and what we learn in those seeming death spirals. We just keep pressing on -- every thing done is a thing that matters, and some day our stories will get told.

The Order of Men

I know that Justin Kurzel, the extremely talented director of Snowtown, Nitram, True History of the Kelly Gang, and the Macbeth with Michael Fassbender, is partnered up with Aussie queen (and Babadook mamma) Essie Davis. But every time he starts casting a movie and it fills up with hot dude after hot dude I... look askance. That's all I am saying. The dude casts his movies like he's me casting a movie. And on that note Deadline has word (thx Mac) that his next flick, a crime thriller called The Order, will star Tye Sheridan, Jude Law, and Nicholas Hoult. And let us recall that the last time Kurzel worked with Nicky, this happened...

That said we should perhaps temper our expectations this go-around since The Order doesn't exactly have a plot that screams sexytimes, as evidenced by this plot description:

"The film adapts the book The Silent Brotherhood by Kevin Flynn and Gary Gerhardt, which chronicles the escalating crimes of the titular white supremacist domestic terror group. It’s set in 1983 amongst the series of increasingly violent bank robberies, counterfeiting operations and armored car heists that frightened communities throughout the Pacific Northwest. As baffled law enforcement agents scrambled for answers, a lone FBI agent (Law), stationed in the sleepy, picturesque town of Coeur d’Alene, Idaho, came to believe the crimes were not the work of traditional, financially motivated criminals, but a group of dangerous domestic terrorists, inspired by a radical, charismatic leader (Hoult), who are plotting a devastating war against the federal government of the United States."

Even though there's no mention of Tye Sheridan's role there it's impossible not to have half the script written, guessing where he fits in -- a young dude who falls under Hoult's entrancing but evil spell, but is torn, Jude Law tries to make him see the light, yadda yadda. It'll be interesting to see Nicky play a terrifying villain type though, right? He's been so hot and friendly lately. Even that dickhead Peter on The Great isn't meant to be utterly terrifying. 

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

 ... you can learn from:

Anna Karenina (2012)

Vronsky: I love you!

Anna: Why?

Vronsky: You can't ask
"why" about love!

Happy 10 to this masterpiece!

And I don't just mean Aaron Taylor-Johnson's butt...

... although Aaron Taylor-Johnson's butt don't hurt. 
(And yes I am setting up a punchline there, obviously.)
But this is a super duper movie, innit?

Wildly underrated and under-appreciated in its time, twas.

Here's what I wrote at the time -- I appreciated it the right amount!

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

 ... you can learn from:

A.I.: Artificial Intelligence (2001)

Gigolo Joe: She loves what you do for her, as my customers love what it is I do for them. But she does not love you, David. She cannot love you. You are neither flesh nor blood. You are not a dog a cat or a canary. You were designed and built specific like the rest of us... and you are alone now only because they tired of you... or replaced you with a younger model... or were displeased with something you said or broke. They made us too smart, too quick and too many. We are suffering for the mistakes they made because when the end comes, all that will be left is us. That's why they hate us. And that is why you must stay here... with me. 

David: Goodbye, Joe.

Happy 20 to one of Spielberg's best films! I know the meet-cute between his sensibilities and Stanley Kubrick's threw a lot of people off at the time but I think we've generally come around to see this as a good thing, right? That its strangeness and imperfections are what make it a classic, an interesting experimental enormously-budgeted one-of-a-kind thing? I'll admit I haven't seen it in probably a decade but I think about it all the time all the same -- the scenes under the sea, the strange half-busted menagarie of sad robots, the shot in the rear-view mirror of David being left behind... Teddy! Teddy, obviously. Okay I think I'll definitely be re-watching this over the holiday weekend ahead. What are your thoughts on this film?

5 Off My Head: Siri Says 1999

Well the day has finally arrived! The day I have dreaded among all my "Siri Says" series days! Today when I asked my telephone to give me a number between 1 and 100 she responded with the number "99" meaning I've finally got to dive face-first into my favorites from The Movies of 1999, aka the greatest year of filmmaking probably any of us will see in our lifetimes. (Also can I just say that it's super weird to me to think this was 22 years ago now and there are people on this here internet who weren't actually even alive to see it? WTF)

Anyway we knew pretty fast that 1999 was an insane year, quality-wise -- the first big series I did here on MNPP was about how incredible 1999 was, in 2006. Or anyway I knew. I gots my finger on the pulse, yo! Ahem. Anyway 1999 has been talked to death by this point, I don't have a lot to say about it besides, "Wowza!" But before I get to my immense list -- I am naming my 20 favorites because the year demands it -- there's one other piece of business (because this post wasn't already enough work). Whenever I finish an entire decade for our Siri Series I link to all ten years therein. (See also the 1970s, aka the only other decade I have finished.) Well with today's post I've just finished the 1990s! Here's links:

Here are my favorite movies of 1990

Here are my favorite movies of 1991

Here are my favorite movies of 1992

Here are my favorite movies of 1993

Here are my favorite movies of 1994

Here are my favorite movies of 1995

Here are my favorite movies of 1996

Here are my favorite movies of 1997

Here are my favorite movies of 1998

And now without further blathering I give you...

My Favorite Movies of 1999

Go

(dir. Doug Liman)

-- released on April 9th 1999 -- 

Being John Malkovich

(dir. Spike Jonze)

-- released on December 3rd 1999 -- 

The Blair Witch Project

(dir. Myrick & Sánchez)

-- released on July 30th 1999 -- 

The Talented Mr. Ripley

(dir. Anthony Minghella)

-- released on December 25th 1999 -- 

Magnolia

(dir. Paul Thomas Anderson)

-- released on December 17th 1999 -- 

Fight Club

(dir. David Fincher)

-- released on October 15th 1999 -- 

Election

(dir. Alexander Payne)

-- released on May 7th 1999 -- 

Run Lola Run

(dir. Tom Tykwer)

-- released on June 18th 1999 -- 

Galaxy Quest

(dir. Dean Parisot)

-- released on December 25th 1999 -- 

The Matrix

(dir. The Wachowskis)

-- released on March 31st 1999 -- 

The Virgin Suicides

(dir. Sofia Coppola)

-- released on May 19th 1999 -- 

Ravenous

(dir. Antonia Bird)

-- released on March 19th 1999 -- 

All About My Mother

(dir. Pedro Almodovar)

-- released on November 24th 1999 -- 

eXistenZ

(dir. David Cronenberg)

-- released on April 23rd 1999 -- 

Eyes Wide Shut

(dir. Stanley Kubrick)

-- released on July 16th 1999 -- 

Dick

(dir. Andrew Fleming)

-- released on August 4th 1999 -- 

The Straight Story

(dir. David Lynch)

-- released on October 15th 1999 -- 

The Limey

(dir. Steven Soderbergh)

-- released on October 8th 1999 -- 

Sleepy Hollow

(dir. Tim Burton)

-- released on November 19th 1999 -- 

Audition

(dir. Takashi Miike)

-- released on  October 2nd 1999 -- 

-----------------------------------------

Runners-up: The Sixth Sense (dir. M. Night Shyamalan), Toy Story 2 (dir. John Lasseter), Three Kings (dir. David O. Russell), October Sky (dir.), South Park: Bigger Longer and Uncut (dir. Trey Parker), Girl Interrupted (dir. James Mangold), The End of the Affair (dir. Neil Jordan), In Dreams (dir.Neil Jordan), Splendor (dir. Gregg Araki), Cruel Intentions (dir. Roger Kumble)...

... Jawbreaker (dir. Darren Stein), Office Space (dir. Mike Judge), A Walk on the Moon (dir. Tony Goldwyn), Notting Hill (dir. Mike Newell), Summer of Sam (dir. Spike Lee), Lake Placid (dir. Steve Miner), Drop Dead Gorgeous (dir. Michael Patrick Jann), Trick (dir. Jim Fall), Deep Blue Sea (dir. Renny Harlin)...

... The Iron Giant (dir. Brad Bird), Stir of Echoes (dir. David Koepp), House on Haunted Hill (dir. William Malone), Topsy Turvy (dir. Mike Leigh), Ride With the Devil (dir. Ang Lee), Gamera 3: Revenge of Iris (dir. Shusuke Kaneko), The Mummy (dir. Stephen Sommers), But I'm a Cheerleader (dir. Jamie Babbit)

Never Seen: Mansfield Park (dir. Patricia Rozema), For the Love of the Game (dir. Sam Raimi), Man on the Moon (dir. Milos Forman), She's All That (dir. Robert iscove), 10 Things I Hate About You (dir. Gil Junger), Tarzan (dir. Chris Buck), Tumbleweeds (dir. Gavin O'Connor), The Insider (dir. Michael Mann), Never Been Kissed (dir. Raja Gosnell), An Ideal Husband (dir. Oliver Parker)...

... Buena Vista Social Club (dir. Wim Wenders), Music of the Heart (dir. Wes Craven), Bowfinger (dir. Frank Oz), Flawless (dir. Joel Schumacher), Titus (dir. Julie Taymor), Jesus' Son (dir. Alison Maclean), Ratcatcher (dir. Lynne Ramsey), Analyze This (dir. Harold Ramis), Payback (dir. Brian Helgeland), American Movie (dir. Chris Smith)

-----------------------------------------

What are your favorite movies of 1999?