11 Off My Head: RIP Joel Schumacher

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Joel Schumacher, the oft critically reviled director who slapped nipples on the Batman suit and probably did enough blow in the 1970s with his pal Halston to keep every drug dealer in the continental United States flush for a lifetime, has died at the age of 80. Honestly I kinda loved Joel, even though his movies often deserved their shit rep. I briefly met him at a party once and he was very nice! (But then I was 20 years old and, judging by his interest, probably his type.) Anyway I considered doing a list of my five favorite films of his -- and I could, because critically reviled or not he made some terrific movies (and yes, as I just recently mentioned I include Batman & Robin on that list of terrific movies.) But my first and best thought was of the most important gift he gifted us with, which was an obscene amount of cinematic male beauty over the years. Just astonishing amounts. Bless him.

11 of My Favorite Joel Schumacher Gratuities

Henry Cavill in Blood Creek

Jason Patric in The Lost Boys (more here)

Chris O'Donnell in Batman & Robin 

Colin Farrell in Tigerland (more here)

Matthew Davis in Tigerland (more here)

Rob Lowe in St Elmo's Fire

Billy Baldwin in Flatliners

Patrick Wilson in Phantom of the Opera

Cam Gigandet in Trespass

Billy Magnussen in Twelve (See more here)

Matthew McConaughey in A Time To Kill
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What are thoughts on Joel Schumacher?

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Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be... 

... cuddling with Colin & Matt.

Wow I have looked at (and posted) a lot of pictures from the 2000 movie Tigerland, and yet somehow I have never until this moment seen that absolutely enchanting picture of Colin Farrell and Matthew Davis being all cuddle-monsters with each other. Clearly it's from the same Bruce Weber photo-shoot the below pictures of Colin are from (I think they were in Vanity Fair maybe?), what with the identical baby goat and all, but I've seen those ones before while that shot up top, not never. Well I am happy to welcome it into my life, I am.

It's Matt Davis' birthday today, by the way. I just posted a bunch of gifs of him and Colin all naked and sweaty also in Tigerland over at the Tumblr, if you feel the need to stare at some of that. (Clearly you do.) Happy birthday, Matt!

Matthew Davis One Time

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Good Morning, World

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Tigerland turned 10 back in October and I feel ashamed I didn't celebrate it at all. I mean, can we all just agree that that shot right there is what cinema was invented for? Joel Schumacher did something right, once. We've only had Colin in our lives for ten years! I don't know how we went about our lives without him. And yes, it was that post yesterday about the sexy Osama-slaughtering SEALs that's put me in a military state of mind, in case you were wondering. USA! USA!

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Quote of the Day

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In an article at Cinematical about how terribly Joel Schumacher's Twelve has flopped - aww poor Chace Crawford, come and cry into your bong at my place - writer David Erlich expresses an unfairly ignored truth about Schumacher's oft-dubious abilities:

"[B]ut the man can shoot a killer sex scene when he feels like it. ... And he felt like it about 15 minutes into Tigerland, which is arguably and perhaps not incidentally, also the best film he's made in *consults IMDB page* ever. Schumacher locked Colin Farrell in a dank motel room with 3 other attractive and impressively-bodied actors and came away with one of the sweatiest, grunt-laden sex scenes in recent memory. At no point on the largely somnambulent DVD commentary track is Schumacher as animated as when he's discussing the sex scene -- the awed quality of his voice suggesting that at 60 years-old he was just beginning to realize his directorial strengths."

Ha, right - I'm sure its awe of his own "directorial strengths" that takes over his voice when he talks about pointing a camera at a butt-naked Colin Farrell and Matthew Davis thrusting beside each other.

Anyway I've often expressed this sentiment, but Joel Schumacher is forgiven ever piece of shit he churns out for the rest of time because of Tigerland and that scene and just generally its blessed introduction of Colin Farrell unto the world, amen.

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I Am Link

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--- That Matt - Eternally undervalued hot-piece Matthew Davis chatted with PopWrap about his long string of boyfriend roles, playing a psycho in his new movie, and wait, he's on Vampire Diaries too? Good grief that show's killing me. Killing me!

--- Hot Platz - Tony Scott's making an action thiller blah blah it's set to co-star Jason Statham and Javier Bardem, a pair I'd never have envisioned together - or "together" - before but now, well, I like where my mind is going with this.

--- Drac Next Door - Adorable bat-boy Anton Yelchin has signed on to play the kid who thinks his new neighbor's a vampire in the remake of Fright Night, scripted by Buffy's Marti Noxon. Is it blasphemy of me to say that I really have very little attachment to the original Fright Night? I've seen it a few times of course, it's one of those movies I think everyone has, but I've never been that big a fan of it all the same. So remake away, remake gods! Just keep the creepy gay subtext, please.

--- So Fiennes (He Blows My Mind) - If there was one lesson to be had from the Clash of the Titans remake - besides that I have low standards - it's gotta be that Ralph Fiennes can work magic with whatever he's given, always. The way he arched his brow whenever he pulsed in on his dark-cloud-wings was gloriously funny, and he knew it, and he worked it. Love him so much. Anyway! There's a blog that's following the progress of his directing debut, a modernized adaptation of the never-filmed-before Shakespeare play Coriolanus, pretty closely. It costars Gerard Butler, Brian Cox and Vanessa Redgrave.

--- Kretschmann Syndrome - There's a lot of talk of the dizzying effect of great works of art in Adam's great take on Dario Argento's 1996 film The Stendhal Syndrome, but what's making me dizzy is remembering Thomas Kretschmann's eye-scorching beauty within. (You want to click on that link.) Ahhh!

--- And finally, set your clocks, because JK Rowling says she might feel like writing another Harry Potter book in ten years, give or take, maybe, with a definite emphasis on the might and the maybe. Hooray!
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Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

... working blue with Matthew Davis.

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Good grief, I see he's on Vampire Diaries too?
Who the hell's the casting director over there,
a Lost-esque Sideways version of me, or what?
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I Am Link

--- First Quarter, 2009 - E!Online has this quote from SciFi Channel's president on BSG's final run of episodes:

"[It will premiere] first quarter next year—we haven't fixed a final date, but we don't want to keep the fans waiting too long."

Keep your word man, if you know what's best for you!

--- Also regarding BSG, MNPP-pal Sam J. Miller did a terrific comparison of BSG and Star Trek over at Mental Floss y'all ought to check out. Trekkie I am not, so I found it enlightening.

--- Derailed, Again - The Clive Barker adaptation The Midnight Meat Train, starring Bradley Cooper and Vinnie Jones, will be released in only about 100 theaters on August 1st; I have my fingers crossed that maybe they'll pick one in the NYC vicinity this time around.

--- Into The Darko - Previously crushed-upon-here actor Matthew Davis has joined the cast of the Donnie Darko sequel S. Darko. Why am I even writing abut this movie? Gah.

--- Friday Was 13th - This past Friday, the official site for the Friday the 13th remake gave us our first look at Jason's mask... and yup, looks like the other masks. I only hope that, in their apparently sped-up intro to the Voorhees mythos at the start, they make room for the Baghead version. Don't they know bagheads are totally in right now?

--- All the gorgeous ladies of spelunking are returning for The Descent 2; Empire has word that the entire cast of the original film will be returning. Presumably this means flashbacks of some sort. Since... ya know.

--- No Hobbit For Jim - James McAvoy tells TheOneRing.Net that online rumormongering - ahem - connecting him with the role of Bilbo Baggins is hooey. A shame.
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5 Off The Top Of My Head - Do Ask, Do Tell

In honor of Memorial Day weekend, here are five movies, each the first one with regards to a specific branch of the five branches of the military to pop into my head. And hell yes I purposefully made this is the gayest list ever:

The Army
Tigerland (2000) - Yeah, this movie's sorta

consumed my brain lately... what can I say...

The Navy
Querelle (1982) - French Navy, whatever. Brad Davis...

The Air Force
Top Gun (1986) - Gayest movie on this list.

Way more homosexual than Querelle.

The Marines
G.I. Jane (1997) - I'm sorry Demi,
but Viggo was the star of this movie. Viggo...

The Coast Guard
The Guardian (2006) - Huh;
there aren't very many Coast Guard movies...

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Gratuitous Matthew Davis

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I have no reason for posting these besides that it's Friday, I'm staring at the clock wondering why I'm still here, and he just came up in my last post. Also, it could be said that he's an attractive gentleman. Whatever. No time like the present! Have a happy weekend!

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I've Made My Choice

Regarding my earlier post, in which I wondered about all the things I could be doing on this beautiful day besides being shut in at work, I have made a decision.

Boot Camp it is!

Say what you will about the sordid filmography of Joel Schumaker - we owe him a real debt of gratitude for the spectacle of Colin Farrell and Matthew Davis in Tigerland.
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