Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)

Elizabeth: I have seen these flowers all over.
They are growing like parasites on other plants.
All of a sudden. Where are they coming from?
Nancy: Outer space?
Jack: What are you talking about? A space flower?
Nancy: Well why not a space flower?
Why do we always expect metal ships?
Jack: I've NEVER expected metal ships.

The best version of Jack Finney's classic tale so far (and there have been countless versions, in name or not exactly) is turning 40 today! The 1956 movie is terrific and the 1993 one is super underrated, and just recently there was the criminally under-appreciated TV series BrainDead (sigh, rest in peace), but Philip Kaufman's movie really takes the cake for me. It probably just comes down to I like its angle on the material the best - the cult mentality of personal wellness that it satirizes strikes me as really smart. Plus it's got the best cast by miles...

.

13 Mustaches of Halloween #9

.

Did you know that Invasion of the Body Snatchers director Philip Kaufman didn't tell Veronica Cartwright that Donald Sutherland was going to do this when they shot this scene? You can read her telling of it in this interview, but that reaction of hers is apparently genuine - she says she'd been told to expect something else and when Donald did the alien-snatched scream reveal he freaked her the fuck out. Funny enough that's exactly how I reacted the first time I saw this movie too!

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Alien (1979)

Lambert: Well, how about a little something

to lower your spirits? 

Dallas: Thrill me, would ya? 

Lambert: Well, based on my calculations, based on time 

spent getting to and from the planet... 

Dallas: Just give me the short version, how far to Earth? 

Lambert: Ten months.

Ripley: Oh god. 

I was looking through Veronica Cartwright's lines from this movie and I realized how much of what she was depended upon to say -- besides the screaming, oh god the screaming -- was boring exposition like this. She got tasked stuff like the above and of science-y gobbledegook like, "I found it. Just short of Zeta II Reticuli." Sure Lambert, Zeta II Reticuli, whatever you say. Anyway because she is Veronica Cartwright, she sold it. Veronica Cartwright can sell anything. And that's why we're wishing her a very very happy 66th birthday today. J'adore lady.

Thursday's Ways Not To Die

.

It's a gut-buster! And if you can believe it, I've never done this scene for this series before. It's been on the list since I started but the right moment never seemed to present itself... well I think the right moment has finally presented itself. Hit the jump for the rest...

I Am Link

.

--- Falling Skies - Even though it's only a teaser for a trailer, and we all hate those, I'm so excited about seeing footage from Alfonso Cuarón's Gravity (with George Clooney and Sandra Bullock trapped in space) that I've already watched this little bit of snippets of barely anything ten times. I want to book my seat at the IMAX theater right this second, oh my god, this looks amazing only the word "amazing" has 30-40 a's on the front, you know? All them a's. And Slash has the first poster.

--- Nublar Or Bust - Oh noes, they've put Jurassic Park 4 on hold! Apparently the studio wants it to be even more epic than what the filmmakers have planned, which sounds like a lame cover story to me. Let's hope this gets sorted out - I needs my dino-fix.

--- So Many Stars - Sarah Gadon better watch her tail, there's a new pretty blonde young thing slinking into Cronenbergsville - Mia Wasikowska has just joined the cast of Maps to the Stars, David Cronenberg's new flick! Julianne Moore, Robert Pattinson and John Cusack are already attached, as well as the aforementioned Gadon. Even better, Olivia Williams is also now on-board! This thing! My goodness.

--- Live To Serve - I haven't watched this one yet but here's the trailer for Lee Daniels' follow-up to The Paperboy called The Butler, which is about a dude who worked at the White House for three and a half decades more or less and came into contact with a starry bunch of stars, apparently. Hopefully there'll be room for at least a little bit of Zac Efron in his underpants again. Just splice in some unused footage, lee. I know you have tons.

--- Sun Maker - Ooh boy, this thing just leapt from "Meh, maybe" territory right up to must-see - Veronica Cartwright, star of Alien and Invasion of the Body Snatchers and The Birds and all-around MNPP fave, has just joined the cast of the remake of The Town That Dreaded Sundown. Hells yeah.

--- Big Mike - Here's a new promo for the Stephen King tv miniseries Under the Dome - is it just me or does Mike Vogel look stragely padded in that first shot of him? I mean in a fat-suit sort of way, not like a bulging crotch sort of way, unfortunately. It's probably just the weird angle, anyway.

--- Sea Mates - Benjamin Walker is in talks to star opposite Chris Hemsworth in Heart of the Sea, which is about a ship that gets tore up by a whale and the survive to struggle (cannibalism, ho) after that. Who would you rather eat - Hemsworth or Walker? Personally, I'd say that I have room for both.

--- And finally over at The Film Experience here is our collective list of The Ten Greatest Best Actress Oscar Losers. From the three hundred plus women who have lost the statue, we were told to choose our top ten, ranked from one to bottom - there be the fruits of our collective hive brain. I'm going to have more to say about this when I get a chance, probably most likely including my own personal list, so stay tuned.

.

.

I Am Link

.

--- Baby Burster - The week is over and I haven't written squat about Prometheus and I am ashamed. Let's see how today goes, maybe I can spit something out. (Although I have a half-day so prospects are dim.) Anyway I loved this very personal piece by Thelma Adams on the film's most insanely riveting sequence, which I could write thousands of words on if I were still in college doing such things. (Ahh those were the days.)

--- Space Epic - I didn't read this myself since I like knowing as little as possible but a plot description for Neil Blomkamp's follow-up to District 9, the long secretive Elysium, has finally found its way online, you can read it over here if you dare. It stars Matt Damon and Jodie Foster and District star Sharlto Copley, amongst others.

--- Murder By Theron - Charlize Theron's next movie sounds like it could be fun - it's called Murder Mystery and in her own words it's "an affectionate deconstruction of an Agatha Christie-style thriller." DH says it's about "an American couple on honeymoon who become implicated in a murder they witness." Right up my alley. Especially the "starring Charlize Theron" part. Sounds like a Grace Kelly type deal for her, maybe? I hope so - I like her best all glamazoned up. It'll be directed by Best Exotic Marigold and Shakespeare in Love director John Madden.

--- Crash Into Neal - One of my best friends is a huge fan of Neal Stephenson's books but I've never read any of them. His book Snow Crash has just been picked up to be turned into a movie by Attack the Block's Joe Cornish. Should I read it? I had issues with Attack the Block but they've lessened somewhat with time since so much of it really does work wonderfully. Such awesomely original monsters.

--- A Singer Of Songs - Looks like attractive yet obnoxious song-man Adam Levine has decided to become an actor, or at least a person who sings on film - he's taken a lead role in the new movie from the director of the wonderful Once. It's called A Song Can Save Your Life and his female co-star is Keira Knightley, and it also stars Mark Ruffalo and True Grit's Haillee Steinfeld. Have we heard Keira sing before? And will Adam show his arse? Stay tuned.

--- All Of Them Bitches - The Witches of Eastwick week continues at The Film Experience with a look at some more Veronica Cartwright, this time in reference to how snubbed she was awards-wise.

--- Hammer Time - Speaking of time itself, Spike Lee's Oldboy remake still hasn't gotten a green light even though he's got much of the cast in line. Lee hopes to start filming in the Fall though. I can't imagine what's keeping a major motion picture studio from green-lighting a story about explicit incest and torture.

--- Great Men - EW has a couple new pictures from Baz Luhrmann's movie of The Great Gatsby, which I think I'm one of like ten people who are more excited about in the wake of its enormous bloated ridiculous trailer.

--- Fall Man - I've posted about Jacques Audiard's new movie Rust & Bone so much - specifically, regarding Matthias Schoenaerts' nakedness, natch - that it seems crazy to read today that it's not getting a US release until November 16th, but there it is. I assume it's out earlier in France though.

--- Zombie Slayer - I haven't seen any of the Resident Evil movies since the terrible second one (I love the first movie though) but everybody's going bonkers for the just released trailer for the fifth film, which has me curious. I mean, would I actually have to go watch all the other movies to have a sense of what's going on first? Is that even possible? Anyway I really love Milla Jovovich and I'm glad she makes money - I wish she'd get more real work, because she's a genuinely talented actress.
.

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

The Witches of Eastwick (1987)

Felicia: Whores. Whores! 

There is evil in the world.

Look around you. You see what is happening.

Clyde: Felicia, please...

Felicia: Whores. In our town, in our very homes.

You know who I'm talking about.

You know what's going on in that house.

Perversions. Vice. Shamelessness.

Cavorting with that devil.

Clyde: She's all right. She's a little upset.

Felicia: Drugs will be next. Murder.

Incest. Rape. Spanish flies.

Dildos. Anal intercourse...

Today's Mood

.

No, I don't feel sick. I do feel like barfing, though! Talking about it, that is. In honor of "The Witches of Eastwick week" at The Film Experience (it was that film's 25th anniversary the other day) I wrote up a list of ten of my favorite puking scenes. Head on over for the spew talk, but be prepared to make this face:

I Am Link

.

--- Shit Kicker - I knew Melissa McCarthy was a gay icon in the making the moment she giggled her way through her scene with Scott Wolf and Jay Mohr in Go (not to mention when she played Ryan Reynolds' hag in The Nines) and now that she's posed as Divine for a photo-shoot it's all coming together.

--- Channing's Pride - Steven Soderbergh's Male Stripper Movie, Hung Low Sweet Cherry Pop, is getting released in Gay Pride Month 2012. That sounds about right, no?

--- The Scream Scene - In lieu of candy corn Twitch is handing out horror movie suggestions for this weekend, and it's an obscure bunch of goodness. I would've loved to do something similar but time's gotten away from me; I spend every day telling y'all what to watch, so you know what I think!

--- NecronomiCAN! - BD has managed to eke out some details about the plot of The Evil Dead reboot that Diablo Cody had a hand in writing, so head over there if you want the gist. I'll refrain from spoiling it if you want to stay fresh. However we all know the "plot" of The Evil Dead really is just "Demons, demons, demons!"

--- Get Juiced - The Beetlejuice sequel that is apparently not a figment of our collective imagainations will all the same definitely remain only a figment of our collective imaginations if Michael Keaton does not want to play the ghost with the most again, says the producer. They haven't gotten Keaton to sign on yet though because they don't have anything for him to sign on to yet. Golly that's a lot of non-news.

--- Rock Hard - MNPP pal Jarett got to chat with MNPP crush Alessandro Nivola for his new film out this weekend, Janie Jones, in which he plays a washed-up rock star, so go check that out. I would like him to revisit your character in Laurel Canyon too! Specifically his wardrobe in the pool scene.



I have beheld that picture a thousand thousand times in my life and I will never ever in a thousand times a thousand more grow sick of it.

--- Ward Off - Final Girl took a look at John Carpenter's The Ward, which reminded me I never wrote a review of it myself... probably because it's just too depressingly bad to draw attention to, like Stacie says.

--- Bird Flew - Have you been keeping up with Arbo's 31 Screams project? The past week have given us great posts on The Birds and the first Friday the 13th movie, amongst other awesomeness.

--- And speaking of The Birds, Amir tackled the special effects of Hitch's avian nightmare over at The Film Experience today.

--- Dino Might - This is one of those "I haven't read this yet myself but I am bookmarking it to read in a bit" things - io9's got a piece up talking about the enduring cultural cache of the Jurassic Park series, specifically the first film. Besides the movie having just come out on BluRay I've been thinking about the movies a lot these past couple of weeks because of two commingling factors on TV - Laura Dern in Enlightened and Terra Nova. 

.

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

The Birds (1963)

Cathy (Veronica Cartwright): I still don't understand how you knew I wanted lovebirds.

Melanie (Tippi Hedren): Your brother told me.

Lydia (Jessica Tandy): Then you knew Mitch in San Francisco. Is that right?

Melanie: No, not exactly.

Cathy: Mitch knows a lot of people in San Francisco. Of course, they're mostly hoods.

Lydia: Cathy!

Cathy: Well, Mom, he's the first to admit it. He spends half his day in the detention cells at the Hall of Justice.

Lydia: In a democracy, Cathy, everyone is entitled to a fair trial. Your brother's practice...

Cathy: Aw, Mom, please. I know all that democracy jazz. They're still hoods  ... He has a client now who shot his wife in the head six times. Six times! Can you imagine it? I mean, even twice would be overdoing it, don't you think?

Happy 62nd birthday, Veronica Cartwright!

.

Good Morning, World

.

.
The ultimate breakfast scene.
(Well besides this one, of course).
.

Thursday's Ways Not To Die

.

The Birds (1963)

Dear readers, I apologize - this is two weeks in a row that I've focused in on deaths scenes in films whose accumulative effect is immense sadness. We'll have to do something fun and silly next. But for now, RIP Annie Hayworth. You were too damn good for Mama's Boy Mitch anyhow.


This is one of the classic Hitch bait-and-switch scenes, where he hits us with something awful in a completely surprising way. Oh we know that Annie's standing in the way of the film's true lovebirds Melanie and Mitch, so by the cruel laws of story-telling she'll have to be eliminated in one way or another in order for the happy two-some to walk into their (what turns out to be dark and bloody and bird-infested) sunset together. But every time I watch the film this moment, the way it's delivered to us, hits me hard.

See right before this we've witnessed the biggest bird assault yet. The camera even adopted the (ahem) bird's eye view to set the scene.


Cars exploded! People exploded! Fire and mayhem and horror everywhere! After all this, the birds have left and we've got our lull. A lot has been written about the poem-like structure of this movie's screenplay - the rhythm between small human scenes and big bird attacks - and we've been trained by this point, with the birds having just pulled back, to think we're having a moment of peace. Mitch and Melanie head up to Annie's to get Mitch's sister Cathy (Veronica Cartwright just starting her career of totally freaking out so beautifully) and Hitch shows us the crows are gathered around the school again. This is only a couple scenes after the infamous scene of the crows attacking the children at the school, so needless to say we're still wary of their crows' presence there at the school.


Hitch cuts back and forth like a magician slipping cards up his sleeve, showing us the crows, showing us Mitch and Melanie, so all we're thinking is, "Don't make a sound, you fools! Be quiet or they'll get you!"

But that horror, like Annie, is only a ghost in this moment. We are stumbling upon it, already done. The way Hitch's camera glides passed the dingy white picket fence - the way his camera glides around this entire film is a glorious treasure to watch - and reveals her body, slowly through the posts, and it dawns on you what you're seeing as you spy her dress, her jet black hair, her legs splayed on the stairs in a horrible jumble, her sad schoolmarm heels...

So basically I consider this to be one of the saddest death scenes ever put on film. It might be an obvious choice amongst the legions of dead in cinema but Annie Hayworth would rank pretty damn high for me on the list of "The One I Would've Saved" for that ongoing blogathon at Arbogast's. Poor Annie.

I'm curious to hear people's theories about Annie if anyone has one, by the way. I've never bought the "repressed lesbian" thing that's been put on her by some people, but I get where it's coming from. Lonely spinstery old maid schoolmarm pining for a man she'll never have again and obsessed with his mother... and she and Melanie do share an especially long moment lingering at the door of her house...

"Risseldy, Rosseldy,

Hey bambassity,
Nickety, nackety,
Retrical quality,
Willowby, wallowby,
Mow, mow, mow."

--------------------------------------

Previous Ways Not To Die: For Standing in the Way of Sappho -- Busting Rule Number Three (For The Purpose of Number Two) -- Daisies #4 - Window Dressed To Killed -- Hands Off the Haas Orb -- Bullet Ballet -- A Single Vacancy at the Roach Motel -- A School Bus Slipped Thru The Ice -- Trache-AAHHHH!!!-tomy'd - For Mel Gibson's Sins -- A Wide Stanced Slashing --- Daisies Ways #3 - Scratch n' Snuffed -- The Victim of a Viscous Hit & Run -- Curled -- Kabobbed -- Daisies Ways #2 - Aggravated Cementia -- Boo! Nun! -- 2009's Ways Not To Die -- Bug Scratch Fever -- Daisies Ways #1 - Deep Fat Fried in My Own Unique Blend of 500 Herbs & Spices -- By the Yard End of the Stick -- Screwed From A Very Great Distance -- A Righteous Bear-Jew Beatdown -- Fisted By Hugo Sitglitz -- Xeno Morphed -- Fuck-Stuck -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 4 -- Lava Bombed -- The Cradle Will Rock... Your Face Off!!! -- The Food of the Nilbog Goblins -- The Slugs Is Gonna Gitcha -- Phone Shark -- Hide The Carrot -- Sarlacc Snacked -- Avada Kedavra!!! -- Hooked, Lined and Sinkered -- "The Libyans!" -- Axe Me No Questions -- Pin the Chainsaw on the Prostitute -- The Wrath of the Crystal Unicorn -- The Ultimate Extreme Make-Over -- Drown In A Sink Before The Opening Credits Even Roll -- The Dog Who Knew Too Much -- Don't Die Over Spilled Milk -- Inviting the Wrath of Aguirre -- An Inconceivable Outwitting -- The Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique -- Nipple Injected Blue Junk -- Your Pick Of The Deadly Six -- Thing Hungry -- Don't Fuck With The Serial Killer's Daughter -- DO Forget To Add The Fabric Softener -- Any Of The Ways Depicted In This Masterpiece Of Lost Cinema -- Rode Down In The Friscalating Dusklight -- Good Morning, Sunshine! -- Mornin' Cuppa Drano -- The Cylon-Engineered Apocalypse -- Tender-Eye-zed -- Martian Atmospheric Asphyxiation -- Maimed By A Mystical Person-Cat -- The Sheets Are Not To Be Trusted -- Handicapable Face-Hacked -- I Did It For You, Faramir -- Summertime In The Park... Of A Pedophile's Mind -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 3 -- Strung Up With Festive Holiday Bulbs By Santa Claus Himself -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 2 -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 1 -- Decapitated Plucked Broiled & Sliced -- Head On A Stick! -- A Trip To The Ol' Wood-Chipper -- Pointed By The T-1000 -- Sucking Face With Freddy Krueger -- A Pen-Full Of Home-Brewed Speed to The Eye -- Motivational Speech, Interrupted -- A Freak Ephemera Storm -- When Ya Gotta Go... Ya Gotta Go -- Hoisted By Your Own Hand Grenade -- Having The Years Suction-Cupped Away -- Criss-Cross -- Turned Into A Person-Cocoon By The Touch Of A Little Girl's Mirror Doppleganger -- Satisfying Society's "Pop Princess" Blood-Lust -- Done In By The Doggie Door -- Tuned Out -- Taking the 107th Step -- Rescuing Gretchen -- Incinerated By Lousy Dialogue -- Starred & Striped Forever -- Vivisection Via Vaginally-Minded Barbed-Wire -- Chompers (Down There) -- Run Down By M. Night Shyamalan -- Everything Up To And Including The Kitchen Toaster -- Sacrificed To Kali -- Via The Gargantuan Venom Of The Black Mamba Snake -- Turned Into An Evil Robot -- The Out-Of-Nowhere Careening Vehicle Splat -- "Oh My God... It's Dip!!!" -- Critter Balled -- Stuff'd -- A Hot-Air Balloon Ride... Straight To Hell!!! -- Puppy Betrayal -- High-Heeled By A Girlfriend Impersonator -- Flip-Top Beheaded -- Because I'm Too Goddamned Beautiful To Live -- By Choosing... Poorly... -- Fried Alive Due To Baby Ingenuity -- A Good Old-Fashioned Tentacle Smothering -- Eepa! Eepa! -- Gremlins Ate My Stairlift -- An Icicle Thru The Eye -- Face Carved Off By Ghost Doctor After Lesbian Tryst With Zombie Women -- Electrocuted By Fallen Power-Lines -- A Mouthful Of Flare -- Taken By The TV Lady -- Bitten By A Zombie -- Eaten By Your Mattress -- Stuffed To Splitting -- Face Stuck In Liquid Nitrogen -- Crushed By Crumbling Church Debris -- Bitten By The Jaws Of Life -- A Machete To The Crotch -- Showering With A Chain-Saw -- In A Room Filled With Razor Wire -- Pod People'd With Your Dog -- Force-Fed Art -- Skinned By A Witch -- Beaten With An Oar -- Curbed -- Cape Malfunction -- In The Corner -- Cooked In A Tanning Bed -- Diced -- Punched Through The Head -- Bugs Sucking On Your Head
.