Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Mockingbird Lane (2012)

Grandpa: There is an important intermediate step 

that we are missing here. The deer eats the grass and is 

itself eaten, and then the thing that ate it dies and fertilizes 

the ground so more grass can grow, so more 

deer can eat, and then... be eaten.

Marilyn: But some deer can live long lives.

Grandpa: Nope.

Marilyn: Also, as an intermediary step, sometimes 

deer want to be eaten. They're depressed and lonely, 

so that lion's doing the deer a favor.

Eddie: That deer didn't look depressed.

Marilyn: No, I know. I thought I saw it smile.

Eddie: Does anything eat the lion?

Marilyn: Grandpa.

Grandpa: It's nature.

Ever since that much-ridiculed trailer for Rob Zombie's The Munsters movie hit a couple of weeks ago -- full disclosure: I haven't watched the trailer, because I do not care about a Rob Zombie Munsters movie even enough to watch the trailer to make fun of it -- I have been wanting to re-watch Mockingbird Lane, Bryan Fuller's one-off Munsters movie from 2012. It wasn't intended to be a one-off -- he was making a pilot for a potential series -- but NBC wasn't into it (because NBC, not so bright) and so we only got the single episode. But at least they did air it as a Halloween special that year -- they did let us see it! And according to JustWatch you can rent it right now on Google Play, too. So go watch it, it's goofy and delightful, and mourn yet another thing in this world full of loss. 

On that note a very happy birthday to the genius and friend-of-MNPP Bryan Fuller today! Have you watched the above extended clip from his forthcoming Shudder documentary Queer For Fear yet? (I have tweeted about it repeatedly this week but somehow forgot to post it here on the site, so there that is. It's full-on glorious stuff -- I am tingling in my every-place for this series, which drops on Shudder on September 29th. Full disclosure part two: I've seen the first full episode (which screened at Comic-Con as well) and it's worth all of the hype. I won't be satisfied with only four hours of this -- I could watch one hundred hours of it. So mark yer damn calendars and go wish Bryan a happy birthday on social media. He is king.

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Death Proof (2007)

Dov: So is it Shawna and the girls

at the lake house this weekend?

Shanna: Shawna?

Dov: Awww fuck, I didn...

Shanna: No. Now there is one thing every girl

in the whole world whose name is Shanna

has in common with each other -

we all hate the name Shawna.

And we really hate when people call us Shawna.

Remember it's Shanna banana not Shawna banawna.

 ... or you can learn from:

Planet Terror (2007)

Cherry Darling: You're a doctor? 

Dr. Dakota Block: Hmm. I was earlier tonight. 

Cherry Darling: I always wanted to be a doctor,.

Instead, I can do this. [Cherry arches her body up 

in a bridge position] Useless talent number 66. 

I'm very pliable. 

Dr. Dakota Block: You know, my girlfriend had a theory. 

She said at some point in your life, you find a use 

for every useless talent you ever had. 

It's like connecting the dots. 

Cherry Darling: I'm not that optimistic. 

I feel like I'm sinking down a drain and I can't get out. 

Dr. Dakota Block: She'd say, "when you're stuck 

in that spiral, you reach up". 

Cherry Darling: What if there's nothing up there? 

Dr. Dakota Block: Just reach up. 

Grindhouse, the full loaded double fucking feature from Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez featuring both of these movies with fake trailers by Eli Roth and Rob Zombie and Edgar Wright and Rodriguez himself bracketing them, was released ten years ago today on April 6th 2007. And it was a great big belly-flop, box-office-wise. 

Did any of you get to go see the films this way? Harvey Weinstein was a dick about the release so I know it ended up tough to find; they were released separately not long after. Anyway I did get to see the double-feature myself and I loved the hell out of it. Planet Terror is a lot of fun but I'm really glad the critical consensus seems to have finally come around on Death Proof, which is Top 3 Tarantino for me, and which I re-watch every six months or so, never getting tired of it.

I can't believe Eli Roth
never made Thanksgiving though.

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Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Chopping Mall (1986)

  Paul: Mary, I just killed a man. 

Mary: He was a man. 

Now he's just a bag of garbage. 

A very happy 73rd birthday to the legendary cult actress Mary Woronov today - she got her start with Andy Warhol's merry band of weirdos -- you can see her in Chelsea Girls...

And from there she did Death Race 2000 and Rock 'n' Roll High School and Silent Night Bloody Night and Eating Raoul and something called Carquake! which I have to see immediately and Night of the Comet and on and on, up through recently when a new generation of filmmakers latched on and she popped up in The Devil's Rejects and The House of the Devil.

Legend! Anyway as for Chopping Mall it's weird how often I think of this very strange 1986 horror film, right? I think of it every couple of months for absolutely no reason. IT HAUNTS ME. I think it was the film's amazing poster that left a mark - I need one of these hanging on my wall so bad...

"Half Off Is Just The Beginning!"

That is such a fabulous tagline.

I would say that somebody should remake Chopping Mall (the original is honestly kind of awful, but in a fun way) but it would have to be a period piece since malls don't really exist anymore. But if somebody was smart about it there is a movie there - a commentary on the migration of consumer habits, et cetera et cetera - not to mention the timely subject of out of control security robot killing machines. And lasers! Never forget lasers!

Halloween's Ways Not To Die

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There are two paths in the wood here - either I'm doing y'all a favor by divorcing this scene from the film's soundtrack and keeping that "Silver Shamrock" song out of your head, or it's also possible I'm making it worse by forcing y'all to fill in its absence. Either way it's Halloween-time so you should have that damn song stuck in your head, sanity be damned. Okay let's hit the jump for the yucky buggy remainder of this classic moment...

I Am Link

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--- Great Golden Gallimimus - When all is said and done the final numbers box-office-wise for Jurassic World were actually the biggest numbers of all time - it topped The Avengers opening, making just under 209 million dollars in the US alone. That number more than doubles world-wide. I don't usually bother with box-office talk, it's incredibly boring, but seeing as how the original Jurassic Park was my Star Wars I figure the franchise's success oughta be noted.

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--- Rex Noir - More interesting to me than box office figures, Jurassic-wise, are articles like this one which was birthed from the franchise's hot hot heat - a look at Chip Kidd's iconic logo for the series (you know the one, the T-Rex outline one) and where it came from. I'd actually never seen the original image he'd traced for it, which they share. 

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--- Bad Kill - Also of interest Jurassic-wise is this piece on the extended cruelty of one specific death scene in the film (if you saw the movie, you know that of which I speak) and how it doesn't work, for this author, tonally. I'm being vague about my own take for the moment because I intend to write up my review today as long as things go as planned and I'll probably talk about it then. But still, you should read this! (pic via)
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--- Final Forever -  This is a few days old but it's never too late to send love to Final Girl, aka the greatest horror blog of ever, which just celebrated its 10th anniversary last week. Head on over there and wish our bud Stacie Ponder the best, since she's given the world more entertainment than you can shake a stick at. A big stick!
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--- Big Load - It almost feels like Xavier Dolan's taking a page out of Rainer Werner Fassbinder's book, work-wise - I mean, almost, but not quite, nobody can do Fassbinder speed. But Dolan just finished Cannes like two weeks ago and he's already shooting his new movie (hell for all I know they're done already), It's Only the End of the World, aka the one with Marion Cotillard and Vincent Cassel and so on (amazing cast), which he's crammed in before heading off to shoot his first English-language movie with Jessica Chastain and Kit Harington. Anyway The Playlist already has the first image from IOtEotW (such a Fassbinder title too), which you can see at that link. The movie will probably be out before I finish this post. In Quebec at least; we won't see it in the US for three years.

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--- Michael's Back - A new Halloween movie, titled Halloween Returns, is going to start filming next month; a pair of writers from latter Saw movies are taking over the franchise. Ugh let's hope they don't bring their Saw nonsense with them. There's no cast yet but hopefully they just cast nobodies, I am fine with nobodies. Anyway they can't possibly do worse than Rob Zombie did right?
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--- Clown Around - Variety chatted with Finn Wittrock about having a Dandy time on American Horror Story last season (requisite link to sexy Dandy times) and they ask him if he's returning - actually they ask him if he's going to do anything with Ryan Murphy - and he plays it cagey:

"I can’t say for certain, because it’s still up in the air. But I will definitely be doing something on one of his shows very soon. That’s really all I know."'

Maybe he'll show up on that Scream Queens show? I want him on AHS though. Let me make that more specific -- I want him on Matthew Bomer, on AHS. Dammit. (thanks Mac)
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--- Shoot Him Up - Whenever I write up a news-story about director Mark Romanek attaching himself to a film I do so with a massive grain of salt and a side-eye that can be seen from space because dude has quit way more jobs than he's ever finished. But oh, the ones he's finished! They've been great. Anyway he's maybe going to make a heist movie called Norco, which is about a real-life cops-and-robbers chase and showdown in the 1980s in Southern California, which is still apparently considered the most violent such scene in American history.

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--- And Finally the first trailer for Michel Gondry's new movie called Microbe and Gasoline is online, you can watch it below. The Playlist has also got a few pictures and the general gist of it.Gondry's got a lifetime pass thanks to Eternal Sunshine but I really do hope I like this one a bit more than his previous efforts. Mood Indigo was okay but this one's reminding me of The We and the I, due to similar teenage concerns, and I couldn't stand that movie.

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I Am Link

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--- White Kings - I admire the fact in theory that Joel Edgerton even tried to answer the whole "Hey dude you're super white what's the deal with you playing a fucking Egyptian?" question with regards to Ridley Scott's white-washed Moses movie. But maybe he should've just... not? Maybe it's better to give that one a "No Comment." At least his answer was basically, "I gotta get paid, man" and he didn't try to build any elaborate nonsense up. In summation, looking at this new picture of Sigourney Weaver looking fierce in Cleopatra-drag makes all my moral outrage fly right out the window anyway.

--- Best Head Ever - If I have to drive nails into my fingertips to get it done (although let's hope it doesn't come to all that) I promise you I will review the "Fassbender has a great big head" movie Frank today - I have a ton of reviews to catch up on really, and I'm gonna try to make today the day. Til then though here's a nice long chat with Frank's director Lenny Abrahamson; I've only gotten halfway through it but it's making for a good read. 

--- Fight The Powers - I don't know nothing about this Powers comic by Brian Michael Bendis, but I'm probably going to have to change that now that it's being turned into a show and that show will star Sharlto Copley and Michelle Fairley FORBES. Michelle you may know from being a bad-ass on Battlestar Galactica; Sharlto you may know from being the subject of many of my public wet dreams.

--- A Good Woman - I haven't watched the trailer for A Good Marriage yet because I don't really need to; it's Joan Allen starring in an adaptation of a Stephen King story, obviously I'll see this movie. But maybe you would like to. (There's also a poster at that link; very Sleeping With the Enemy.) Anyway I was surprised to hear this movie's getting the VOD release the same day as in theaters, on October 3rd. I guess it stars old people so nobody cares?

--- Green Hamm - Jon Hamm says in GQ that he turned down the Green Lantern movie several times (stick the knife in Ryan Reynolds while he's down, Jon Hamm... okay that sentence just turned me on) and it does make you wonder what a Jon Hamm Green Lantern would've looked like. I imagine the spandex would've had to be roomier, at least in the, you know, genital area. Speaking of look at that magazine cover - they airbrushed his crotch into a black hole so nobody's staring at nothing, but now it's all I can see, I feel like I am falling, falllllliiiiiinnnnngggggggggg....

--- After Three - It seems there's some truth to the rumors that Edgar Wright's next movie will be a return to the warm safe embrace of his Cornetto buds Simon Pegg and Nick Frost after Marvel put him through the wringer - here's Simon Pegg talking about it himself.

--- Later Jake - After seeing the great trailer for skinnied-down Jake Gyllenhaal's Nightcrawler it flew up my must-have-want-now list, so the news that it's been pushed back a couple of weeks to a Halloween release is frustrating. Hopefully it'll get some play here in NYC before then. Also at that link is word that Trick r' Treat director Michael Dougherty's Krampus movie, about the legendary pagan holiday demon, is scheduled for a Thanksgiving release next year. Festive! (The picture is of Jake filming his boxing movie here in NYC yesterday - yes apparently he's been jogging in the streets. Get me to that set dammit!)

--- Michael Myers Lives - I still haven't sat down and watched Rob Zombie's second Halloween movie. I just haven't had it in me. But now comes word that the third one's being worked on, sans Zombie, but since it's being titled Halloween: The Next Chapter people are assuming it will continue on from the world he set up. So I guess I have got to finally bite that bullet.

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The Lords of Salem in 210 Words or Less

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I swear that Rob Zombie's latest cinematic scourge The Lords of Salem spends approximately forty-five minutes of its run-time floating back and forth down a single apartment hallway. We get to one end and then the camera cuts back and we float down the other end. And back. And forth. The story may wander somewhere else for a few minutes, but before long, it's back to the hallway! Rob Zombie seems to think that the secret to profundity is just to move his camera slower; to hold a shot for a long time. Slap some classical music over it and voila! You're Saying Something. Rob Zombie is mistaken. Rob Zombie has absolutely nothing to say. He seems to think if you pick up your crap-shovel and fling some stinky nonsense around, it gives you carte blanche to tell your critics, "Well you just don't get it." You're right, Rob Zombie. I don't get it. It is a midget with turkey arms. There is nothing to get from a midget with turkey arms. Oh I can get a superficial jolly out of seeing a midget with turkey arms - it's a midget with turkey arms! But sometimes a midget with turkey arms is just a midget with turkey arms.

See Anything You Like

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Seeing anything this weekend, y'all? Two of the movies coming out this weekend I have already seen and reviewed - here's what I thought of the latest Tom Cruise vehicle Oblivion, and at the opposite end of the intentions spectrum here's what I thought of Francois Ozon's In the House. My opinion on the latter's closer to the consensus than my opinion on the former, I think, but depending on the mood you're in I'd say go for either one of 'em. I'm going to try to see Rob Zombie's new one Lords of Salem at some point, but who knows, what with the Tribeca Fest going on. Have a good weekend!

I Am Link

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--- America's Most Wanted - Turns out that picture of Tom Hiddleston and Chris Hemsworth that amused me so yesterday was actually from this AICN report from the set The Avengers, and there are a lot more great pictures to behold if you click over. I especially like the one where it seems as if Clark Gregg is just going to sit right down on Chris Evans' lap, because I can totally understand that temptation. There's also a wicked cool shot of Loki, and that attractive shot of Mr. Evans in his costume seen here.

--- The Fall Guy - The one classic slasher franchise from the 80s that Michael bay's shit-house production studio Platinum Dunes hadn't ruined yet was Halloween - Rob Zombie did all the ruining on his own, thank you very much - so the word that PD has their hands on the Halloween property for an all new reboot at first fills me with dread - will they find a way to stuff Michael Myers into underground tunnels like they did Jason Voorhees? - but if they can just make a damned straightforward movie out of it maybe I can cut them some slack. I don't have any reason to believe they will, but in theory I am fine with Mike getting rebooted, because Zombie got too caught up in backstory. Just drop the dude in a town full of babysitters and hit play.

--- Cold Cavill - There are some new pictures of Henry Cavill and Co. in his upcoming thriller The Cold Light of Day with Sigourney Weaver and Bruce Willis at this link. An excuse to look at Henry Cavill is always welcome, even if he does remain fully clothed throughout. Bonus Siggy with a gun!

--- Rear Projection - I haven't even watched this single shot edit of Alfred Hitchcock's Rear Window but I can already tell just from a single frame of it that I adore it, I adore it, I adore it. What a brilliant idea.

--- Unchained Melody - The first look at Christoph Waltz on the set of Quentin Tarantinto's Django Unchained is over at this site, and he looks promisingly dickish. I have to say it disheartens me to see the film is just shooting - I really was hoping he was secretly done with it and it would be out like next week, surprise! I know, that's not how QT works, he'll shoot a five hour movie and we won't see an edited version for like three years, but a boy can dream.

--- Alphabet Killers - The poster for The ABCs of Death, the anthology horror film where a different director takes on a letter of the alphabet and explores a death situation thereby related - say, A is for Asphyxiation, and so on - can be seen over at BD. I feel like it's almost there but need to be slightly slicker, maybe? I like the idea. Anyway there are several awesome directors doing shorts for this thing - Ti West and Ben "Kill List" Wheatley, for starters - so I'm psyched all the same.

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I Am Link

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--- Towering Man - Lots of casting news today. First up, it looks like Javier Bardem's probably gonna get the lead in the adaptation of Stephen King's Dark Tower series. I've only read one book of these, and it was the third. Weird, right? This was Junior High and I picked it up having no idea it was part of a series, and got about halfway through before I realized. Anyway should I read it, or what? I've heard opinions all over the map. As for the movie version, I love Bardem but this is Ron Howard directing here, and that man sits upon a throne of shit. So I don't have much faith there.

--- More Casting - Jay Baruchel has joined the cast of David Cronenberg's Cosmopolis, already starring Robert Pattinson and Samantha Morton and Juliette Binoche and whoops I passed out.

--- Still More Casting - Viggo passed but now they're trying to get Hugh Jackman to play the Hunstman in that other Snow White movie. What with Wolverine director-less he's got some time to figure junk out. Also, enormous muscles. He's got those too.

--- Speaking of enormous muscles, DH has a couple of new and/or better resolutioned Thor pictures that I've not seen before.

--- Chocka Block - Been hearing lots and lots of good word-of-mouth on Attack the Block, a British teens-fight-aliens movie produced by Edgar Wright that's been making the festival rounds, so I'm happy to hear it's getting an American release. Everybody that's seen it has raved like a loon.

--- Sour Lemons - If you haven't seen Stale Popcorn's ten favorite Renee Zellweger expressions from her horror flick with Bradley Cooper Case 39, you need to click on over and experience the wonder.

--- Bad Girls - Argh I am hopeless when it comes to keeping up with Nat's "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" series, every week it comes and every week I miss it. Last night was time for Peter Jackson's masterpiece Heavenly Creatures, so go and check it out.

--- Salem's Plot - Slash gives us a look at the first image of anything from Rob Zombie's next horror flick, his bleakest yet according to him. That's it there. Eye roll. We'll see, Rob. There's more info on the film at that link. Witches are what's for dinner!

--- Ash Play - An Evil Dead game for iPod/iPad has been created! You can be Ash! Eventually, since it's not out yet and they don't share a date. I guess Apple's got to approve it first. If you mess with my chance at being inside Bruce Campbell, Steve Jobs, I swear I can't be held accountable...

--- Second Silent - I have an enormous soft spot for the first Silent Hill movie. It's a mess, but some of it is so hypnotic and terrifying that I can't help it. I'll watch it whenever it's on TV. I've never played any of the games, surely to my detriment. Anyway they're casting the next flick and Final Girl is very happy over Carrie Ann Moss. We were just talking about her!

--- Are You A God - Tarsem Singh makes a good point - if you were a God and could look like anything, you'd probably choose to look like Henry Cavill and Kellan Lutz too.

--- T3ON - There will be a third TRON film. I don't know anyone who came out of the second one dying for another go at it, except maybe Cillian Murphy.

--- Robbed - A remake of To Catch a Thief is in the cards. Because there are people who make and star in movies today who can easily replace Alfred Hitchcock and Grace Kelly and Cary Grant, you know. Coming at you from the writer of Good Luck Chuck and Piranha 3D!

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Quotes of the Day

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There are certain people in this world that are the real superheroes. The ones that I think I'd go blind if I were ever to see in person. Udo Kier is one of those people. He is one of the finest examples humanity has to offer - if space aliens come down and ask us for our leaders we should present Udo Kier, who will then kick them in the shins and lick the insides of their ears simultaneously. I adore him. The AV Club just got to interview him and it only cements this belief of mine. How can I quote just one passage from this instantly classic chat? I cannot. Here are fifteen.

"I like torture. Torture is photogenic. If you make horror movies, you always have to think what’s photogenic and what’s not. If you stay home with the candlelight and you read a book, Rilke, or whatever, or Sigmund Freud, it’s boring. But if you watch Udo Kier in a horror film and people are hunting me and trying to kill me, and there’s my love interest with big breasts and beautiful hair, and I believe in her and they kill me at the end, that’s more interesting."

"Andy Warhol was the most intellectual at that moment, and he got away with Dallesandro having an erection on screen, tied with a little bow, because it was art."

"Asia Argento, I think is one of the sexiest actresses there is, because she’s real. She’s not Sharon Stone, but she is real. She scratches herself if she feels there is a little mosquito hitting her. Sharon Stone would say, 'Stop the film! There’s some horrible animal trying to bite me!"

"I cannot answer you, because it’s totally unknown to me what you just asked me, and also very boring."

"So the first day of shooting I knocked at [Pamela Anderson's] trailer—which was enormous, as big as her breasts. So I knock and I hear from inside: “Hello? Come in!” So I stepped in the trailer and she was at least 25 feet away from me. So I went there and took both hands around her waist, which was like a transvestite, so small, and I said, “Wow! How amazing!” And I kissed her."

"People never understand what a friendship is. I’ll tell you what a friendship is to me. Friendship to me is, if my friends need my little finger to live, I’m going to have it cut off. I’m going to the hospital, they cut off my finger, and maybe I have a gold finger instead, and I become famous. But I still give it to my friend."

"I expected somebody like Kubrick or Fassbinder, all dressed in black and, like Fassbinder, touching their dick all the time, and greasy hair, and an intellectual image of “I give a fuck.” And then came a young boy in a sweater, and it was Lars von Trier."

"The Bible is wonderful. It’s only one book, but you can put two grams of coke on top of the Bible, and you first take a line of coke and then you open the Bible. Because then you understand."

"Of course, if you’re German, your name in films is always Hans. Simple. If you make a film in Japan, your name is Hans-man."


"I was scared, I was so scared, thinking, “I have to go to bed with Keanu Reeves and River Phoenix?” My friends back in Germany said, 'Fuck you! They are teenage idols in America! Every American actor would love to be able to do that!' ... Amazing to have sex with Keanu Reeves and River Phoenix! So I came to Idaho, and I was sitting in a restaurant with Keanu Reeves and River Phoenix, and Gus introduced me, and River was amazing. He said, “Hans, sit next to me!” And Keanu didn’t understand anything."

"Anyway, I was sitting in the corridor, and there were people up for the same part as me, and I heard through the glass door [bellowing Master Thespian voice], 'I was born like a vampire!' And I thought to myself, 'Oh my god, I better leave. Could I go to the store and buy an ice cream? And maybe I’ll buy a chair from Eames. Maybe I’ll make myself happy.'"

"Arnold, if you would ever listen to this, I will always protect you, because people are stupid to think that you are just muscles. I’m sure your wife wouldn’t have married you just because of your muscles."

"So I put it down in the projection room and I take a knife and open my stomach and take my sausages out, and into the projector and I press the button. And it runs, it goes 'flup, flup, flup.'"

"I said to Rob Zombie, 'It’s a pity you’re doing Halloween, and he said, 'Yeah, I know.'"

"Werner Herzog, I knew him for so many years, when Fassbinder was at his highest moment. But we had a rule: An actor from Fassbinder could never work with an actor of Werner Herzog or Wim Wenders. Because if we would have done that, we would have been spies."

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I Am Link

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--- Scary Harry - The latest trailer for that Deathly Hallows the First movie is up at Yahoo, and it's chock-full of junk I want right now like yesterday. io9 took several billion screen-caps from it too, thereby saving me the trouble. Because we're the only two sites that care about this movie on the entire internet, ya know.

--- David Lynch For Squares - Ha I love that description thrust by my bud Sean upon Christopher Nolan's Inception. Enough time's passed since I've had to hear somebody exclaim that movie genius so I was ready to read a fresh take on it, and Sean finally got out to see it and reviewed it and it all sounds about right to me.

--- In Twins - Even though last night I read thru this entire article on how Charlize Theron has optioned the rights to a Dutch horror movie to star in, called Two Eyes Staring, I still had convinced myself it was a Japanese horror movie by the time I thought back on it this morning. But can you blame me with this description: the story of a nine-year-old girl who discovers her sinister friend is the ghost of her mother's dead twin. I mean, really.

--- Save Sid - I don't know if that poster is legit, I just stumbled upon it last night and forwarded it to myself and now I can't remember where I found it. It has the right generic look that all the earlier posters had though, anyway. But this footage from Entertainment Tonight behind the scenes, with a couple glimpses, uh, in front of the scenes, of Wes Craven's Scream 4 is real!

--- Love These Ladies - Copying a gag from their new movie You Again, which is out this weekend, Sigourney Weaver and Jamie Lee Curtis showed up to their premiere in the same dress and they both look smashing.

--- Witch, By Zombie - Rob Zombie's getting together his new movie, and it's a modern tale set in Salem, Mass, and witches will be involved. Because who makes a movie set in Salem, Mass. about Pottery Barn employees? Anyway his wife will be the star, one assumes, and fuck will be said a whole lot, one knows, the end.

--- A Poison Apple - Although I don't know when Natalie Portman would have time to make yet another movie, she's being rumored as the lead in an "edgy" version of Snow White to be directed by crazy genius Jean-Pierre Jeunet. But yeah, it's the same project McG's producing, which deflates all that awesome a little bit.

--- Burning Rubber - AICN has a gallery of hot posters from Fantastic Fest, including that one there for Rubber, that movie about the sentient murderous tire that I somehow forgot existed. How do you forget such a thing exists? Shame on me. There are also a couple totally rockin' ones for Roger Corman.

--- Meet John Doe - Yesterday was the fifteenth anniversary of David Fincher's Se7en, I guess, and Film Experience celebrated it with another entry in the "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" series. I have such a vivid memory of seeing Se7en in the theater and leaving at the end feeling like I'd been punched in the gut. Ah sweet memories.

--- Note To Self - Watch that Jurassic Park musical when you get home tonight! I keep forgetting. Thankfully Joe posted the whole thing at Low Res, along with some notes of his own.

--- And finally, Final Girl has a new thing to watch! She made a fake (or is it?) trailer for a horror movie called In Satan's Closet, and I laughed my ever-loving head off at it. Having a modicum of familiarity with 70s satanic cult movies probably helps going in, but who doesn't love the sight of people vomiting giant spiders? Nobody, that's who. It stars everyone who's ever been in one of Stacie's movies before, times twelve, plus half the cast of The Sarah Conner Chronicles. It is awesome.

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I Am Link

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--- Sucker Gal - We're slowly but surely hearing more and more about what exactly Zach Snyder's Sucker Punch is gonna be - over at Slash they've got some quotes from one of the film's slew of young actresses, Jamie Chung - seen next weekend in the New! Horror! Classic! Sorority Row - amongst which she says this:

"... [the film] puts 300 to shame! It’s the same stunt guys... But it really is ‘300′ but with a female cast."

Hrm. I really think I might end up preferring Gerard Butler in the leather diaper over Vanessa Hudgens. She probably doesn't have the glutes for it. But maybe that's just me and my weird preferences...

--- Peyton's Place - Yay times a dozen to the news that Rebecca "The Hand That Rocks the Cradle" is playing evil again. Unfortunately it's for Darren Lynn Bousman who has never made a movie that didn't make me want to stab my eyeballs out.

--- The New Zombie - Is Steve Miner, the directer of Friday the 13th: Part 2, the Weinstein's choice for replacing Rob Zombie on the Halloween remake train for Part 3D? That's the rumor. If he hadn't recently made the abysmally awful Day of the Dead remake this wouldn't sound like such a bad idea. But he did. So it does. Not that Rob Zombie was a prize, mind you.

--- Hello Mother - Even though I wasn't much of a fan of his film The Host - and found the praise surrounding it unbearable - I still find myself curious about Bong Joon-Ho's also-much-praised new movie Mother, so I'm glad to see that Magnolia's picked it up for US distribution. Not until next year though, which seems a bit lame.

--- Punk Basterd - My bud Sean wrote up quite possibly the best bit on Inglourious Basterds that I've read over at his site so I implore y'all to check it out. It's a long piece that skips from a biography of Hitler to Tarantino's film to the recent (supposed) final NYC curtain call for Nine Inch Nails, but man oh man is Sean on fire. Choice bit:

"In that sense Inglourious Basterds may be the punkest movie I've seen in I can't even think how long. Maybe ever. It's about nothing less than the power of art to destroy evil. It's about how important it is to love film more than the likes of Hitler hate life. It's about how movie violence, art violence, art designed as a FUCK YOU, can help you deal with the violence that so terrified Chamberlain's cohorts and to which Hitler and his cohorts were so indifferent. It's Woody Guthrie's "THIS MACHINE KILLS FASCISTS" guitar slogan made literal. It's a lingering closeup on the bloodlust-saturated eyes of Eli Roth, the beautiful Jewish torture-porn poster boy and enemy of good taste, as he empties a machine gun into the bodies of members of the Third Reich. And it's a total fucking fantasy. Yet that's what makes it so vital."

Sean, you've made me feel ashamed that I've not been able to write anything up on this movie, and that I haven't gone to see it a second time. Must remedy!

--- Four To One - I maintain my stance that, if they're gonna reboot the Fantastic Four franchise, can they please keep Chris Evans around? Just him, he's the only one that matters. But I don't want to lose Chris Evans in spandex! I can't lose Chris Evans in spandex. My world would rot.

--- And finally, mmmm Bana.
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