The Humans Fund

Though the buzz on this one has been strangely -- one might even say eerily -- quiet even though it hits theaters and Showtime tomorrow, I think that The Humans (based on the Tony-winning play) starring Richard Jenkins, Beanie Feldstein, Amy Schumer, and Steven Yeun, is a terrific way to spend a chunk of your holiday. Especially if your family's anything like mine, where talking only makes things worse not better. Finally a movie for my specific dysfunction! I wrote up my thoughts on the film last night over at The Film Experience so go and read them. Please. And thanks. I guess I have to say "thanks" two days before Thanksgiving and when talking about a Thanksgiving movie at that!

Good Morning, World

It's just 26 days until Election Day and I hope and pray that every single one of you people reading these words right now are planning on voting -- not just voting but voting for Joe Biden specifically! I will specify! Because the other dude is gonna kill us all, man, and for all its ups and downs I like fucking living. I like eating lasagna and I like watching movies and going for walks in the park, I like talking or not talking, and I like seeing Mark Ruffalo naked. And to that latter piece of the puzzle that is me Ruffalo and a bunch of his celeb buddies made a video about voting! Specifically about the "naked ballots" that are poised to be a thing this year in a bunch of states thanks to Republicans being shitty anti-voting lunatics. Here, watch, learn, laugh, love:

As a side-note celebrities getting naked for the election this year (see also Harry Shum Jr, and then see also Diplo, and of course there was the way Chris Evans rescued his dick leak...) So anyway make sure you return both those envelopes if you're in one of these states, folks. Written details here. Make sure to dot your I's and cross your balls because this goddamned election is too important... well the last one was too important too but that one got fucked up -- let's get it right this time! And as your reward extra "Naked" Ruffalo, after the jump...

Don't Tell Mom the Kidnapper's Dead

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Go back and look at the reviews for the the Bette Midler & Shelley Long buddy comedy Outrageous Fortune in 1987. Not good. Roger Ebert said, "This is a movie that has its commercial concept written all over it; it's so painstakingly crafted as a product that the messy spontaneity of life is rarely allowed to interrupt." Or go back and look at the reviews for the also-starring-Shelley comedy Troop Beverly Hills two years later... not good. Also Ebert: "Nobody within a mile of this project seems to have possessed an ounce of irony."

You know what movies I've watched a million times from the 80s? Outrageous Fortune and Troop Beverly Hills. And it seems pretty clear that the folks who made Snatched, the new Amy Schumer action-comedy with Goldie Hawn playing Amy's mom, have watched the fuck out of those movies too. (You should add in a heaping extra helping of Romancing the Stone while we're at it.) 

I'm not making the case that "critics suck and you shouldn't listen to them" here. I mean, obviously. I am writing a review myself. I just think it's nice to think of the little girls and gay boys of today, and their whatever gendered like-minded kin, having their own Outrageous Fortunes -- these movies are dumb and broad and sappy as hell, but they're OUR dumb and broad and sappy as hell, and the multiplex is so exhaustingly self-serious with superhero robot apocalypse cock contests if I wanna sneak into the other theater to laugh at a reaction shot from a kitty cat once in awhile I should goddamned well be able to do that shit.

So no, Snatched isn't going to change the world. I'm sorry to tell you that. Go watch the 20th Pirates of the Caribbean or Transformers movies to get your dick good and sucked. But Snatched does have a couple of scenes that made me double over with laughter, it's got a hot guy to ogle, and there's a sweetness and a a comradery between Schumer & Hawn, two goofy golden gals, that's refreshing and still far far too rare on-screen. (Plus Wanda Sykes! And Joan Cusack! And Joan Cusack parkour sight-gags!) It's a light ninety minutes of goofy golden fun. And you can bet if this thing's on TV in the future me and my like-minded brethren will stop the channel and get caught up in its goofy golden ass all over again.

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Good Morning, Gratuitous Tom Bateman

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The actor Tom Bateman is about to get a lot of exposure, and I don't just mean in the naked picture immediately below. He plays "The Guy" in Snatched, the Amy Schumer & Goldie Hawn comedy out this weekend, which is where he grabbed my attention. (More to come on that movie later this week.) But he's also one of the train folk in the upcoming Murder on the Orient Express remake, and he's co-starring in that Liam Neeson & Laura Dern thriller we told you about recently. 

Only back when I told you about it I had no idea who "Tom Bateman" was and now I do. Do I ever. Tom didn't just apparate overnight into our lives -- you might even know who he is and I'm the one slow on the uptake. He's starred in a few series - he played a Medici in that Da Vinci's Demons show and he was Jekyl himself on the recent Jekyll & Hyde show in the UK. (Right he's British, I didn't mention that. His accent in Snatched is a swooner.) 

So I think we should all prepare ourselves to stare at Tom a bunch over the next few years, is my point. And what better way to start that off then to hit the jump for a few dozen more pictures...

Sunday in the Park with Jakey

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Don't ask me why our favorite Gyllenhaalic Gallery Site IHJM just uploaded several never-before-seen shots of Jake in his bike-shorts from a full ten years ago (remember when he was hanging out with Lance Armstrong and Matthew McConaughey all the time? Yeah these are from then), but I sure as shit ain't...

... complainin'. These are fine memories to be reminded of.

We were so young and so full of life then.

Anyway in other Jake news I assume that those of you who care about such things saw that he is set to perform another gay ol' time for Broadway this Fall - he's doing a Sondheim show, Sunday in the Park With George, for a one night event a la his Little Shop of Horrors last year.

I went to Little Shop (and loved it) but I decided at the very last second to skip this new one - I even had tickets in my cart for it and everything, but I balked at the price just before clicking purchase. If I hadn't just spent a bunch of money on several Broadway shows in a row I might've played it differently, but I don't even seem to like Sondheim (I know, I'm a terrible gay) so I don't feel that distraught.

And then there's this:

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I'm surprised they dropped this clip early (they'd played it up in last week's preview, and we'd seen him filming on the set a few months back) but there it is, Jake's skit with Amy Schumer!
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Pic of the Day

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Any ol' picture of Jake Gyllenhaal could be called "Pic of the Day" and any ol' picture of Jake Gyllenhaal being checked out by Santa Claus on a New York City street doubly so, but this picture of Jake is today's "Pic of the Day" because IHJM, where I got it from, says that this is Jake on the set of Inside Amy Schumer, and that, my friends, is celebration time! See more pics over there, although they are just more shots exactly like this one, with Amy nowhere to be seen. Amy, my beloved, if you make him twerk in nothing but tennis shorts then we will have to have words.

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Quote of the Day

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"We play sisters. We’re almost done writing. It just flowed out of us. We’ve got about 100 pages right now. Amy and I were creatively made for each other. We have different flavors. It’s been the most fun experience of my life. We start the day off on the phone, laughing. And then we send each other pages. And we crack up. I’m flying out tomorrow to see her in Chicago. We’ll write a little bit with her sister, Kim, who worked with Amy when she was writing ‘Trainwreck.’ 

I emailed her after I saw ‘Trainwreck’ and said, ‘I don’t know where to get started. I guess I should just say it: I’m in love with you,’” she recalled. “We started emailing, and then emailing turned to texting. 

Let me just text Amy and tell her that I told you... [pause while she texts Schumer, followed by laughter] I wrote, ‘I just spilled the beans to The New York Times. Is that O.K.?’ And Amy wrote back, ‘That you’re gay? Totally! It’s exciting!’”

That's Jennifer Lawrence "spilling the beans" to The New York Times about how she has just co-written a screenplay with Amy Schumer for them to star in together. Nope, not gonna hear anything more exciting than that today. Here's a picture of the two hanging out a few weeks ago that I never had reason to post but now gloriously do.

Quote of the Day II

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"I'm not nervous. I'm very glamorous. 

I don't feel out of place here. 

I'm 160lbs and can catch a dick any time I want."

-- That's my pretend best girlfriend Amy Schumer  presenting an award (to Jennifer Suanders, no less) at the Glamour Awards last night. Godddd I love her. Trainwreck really can't get here soon enough, you guys.

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I Am Link

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--- Like An Animal - We learn a few important things about Magic Mike XXL in this interview with Joe Manganiello - firstly, he'll be stripping to the Nine Inch Nails song "Closer" which... well let's just say that song pushes some happy buttons for me. He also says that Matt Bomer sings in this movie! Which is exciting. And Joe once again insists the movie's "out there," calling it "progressive" and "racy." Let's hope so, since Chocolate City (yes I still mean to review that; let's hope it happens today) shit the bed.

--- The Price of Carol - While we're just sitting around waiting to see Carol and feeling left out - even though we were writing about this movie way before anybody else gave a damn! Here's a post from NINE YEARS AGO where I said that Cate Blanchett should play the lead in a movie version, AHEM - director Todd Haynes has been lining up several new projects and Nat takes a look at them over at The Film Experience. I hadn't heard about Wonderstruck, the children's book adaptation yet and that sounds smashing.

--- Raptor Ready - Just about two weeks until Jurassic World opens - I bought my tickets this past weekend! Whee! I was inspired by all of those new Chris Pratt pictures, of course. Speaking of The Playlist gathered up all of the new images and clips from the movie and there were several I hadn't seen yet. The dinosaurs are starting to (finally) look tangible and less CG, thank goodness.

--- Spot Out Damn - I am not going to watch any of the clips from Justin Kurzel's MacBeth beforehand but hey if you're up for it here's the first two clips of Michael Fassbender and Marion Cotillard doing their Shakespearean thang. (thanks Mac) I'm also not really going to read any reviews beforehand but I did see a few tweets out of Cannes and they seemed very positive! And here's an interview with Fassy from Cannes - he mentions the movies he most wants to see are Yargos Lanthimos' The Lobster and Carol, so clearly my love for him has been justified all this time.

--- New Boy - I don't watch New Girl but they sure do have plenty of attractive menfolk over there so I know of New Girl, and so I similarly know of Max Greenfield. (See some of him here previously.) Well he's just signed on for what I assume is a small role in the next season of American Horror Story, which Ryan Murphy says will be showing us a Max like we've never seen before. I'm just feeling anxious that we haven't heard anything about Finn Wittrock returning, and since Max & Finn seem really similar to me that's making me more anxious.

--- Night Owls - There was a Twin Peaks fan event this past weekend and original stars Sherilyn Fenn and Sheryl Lee told the crowd that David Lynch (who's back on the new season; did I forget to post about that? I think I might have, somehow) will be directing a total of EIGHTEEN new episodes. Eighteen! And also original composer Angelo Badalamenti, so important in creating that world, will return as well. 

--- Lunch Laddy - A ton of pictures from Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp, Netflix's prequel series to the cult hit, popped up online over the long weekend, huzzah! Click on over and see all of your favorite characters playing younger versions of themselves ten years later. I was most surpised by how on the money Janeane Garofalo looks since I saw her on the street a few weeks ago and she was practically unrecognizable.

--- Cool Girls - Amy Schumer and her sister (who writes and acts and produces Amy's show) are working on a script sticking a mother and daughter team into an action-comedy where the two women get woefully in over their heads while on vacation. I think it's safe to assume Amy's the daughter -- who would you cast as her mother? In last week's episode of the show having Jennifer Coolidge play her mother struck me as genius so I vote for her.

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I Am Link

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--- Modest Mouse - The New York Times has an interesting piece up on the shooting of movie and TV sex scenes - sounds like Amy Schumer was funny and confident (shocker) about shooting hers in Trainwreck, while the more I hear about the behind-the-scenes stuff with Fifty Shades the more I think Dakota Johnson & Jamie Dornan should just be ashamed of themselves. How much money was wasted on CG'ing pubic hair + creating robo-cameras because these people overestimate their genitals? Europe is laughing at us. You're an actor that signed on for a sex movie - you shouldn't get to have it both ways.

--- Speaking Of I doubt Jamie Dornan will be flashing his oh so fancy and expensive testicles in his new project either - he's signed on to co-star with Cillian Murphy in Anthropoid, a WWII thriller about the real-life mission ("Anthropoid" is its mouthful of a codename) by a bunch of Czech soldiers to assassinate the leader of the Nazi SS.

--- Goth Prince - After seeing him in several things now I still really don't why Jack Huston is getting cast in things (and heaven forbid I imply it's got anything to do with his last name) but he's already playing the leading role in the remake of Ben-Hur that's filming and now comes word that he might pick up The Crow reboot since Luke Evans has dropped it.

--- Lizard King - There are apparently a ton of new dinosaurs making their screen debuts in Jurassic World, and DH has gathered up the images from the film's official site. Dimorphodon loos like it has the head of a T-Rex on the body of a pterodactyl & my inner (and outer) 12 year old just jizzed in his shorts.

--- No Longer Young - I haven't read this interview with Noah Baumbach yet but when they said it's about his "new" movie I got all excited thinking they meant Mistress America, his other Greta Gerwig film, but they just mean When We're Young, which I didn't even realize hasn't come out yet. (I saw it at NYFF last year and was underwhelmed.) Yawn. Noah looks cute in the pictures though.

--- Kiddie Critters - If you haven't read Matt Zoller Seitz's article on showing James Cameron's film Aliens to his son  and his friends for his 11th birthday you're missing out, it'll bring you right back to that time you watched something that blew your mind for the first time. Seitz has been getting a bunch of crap from people on Twitter about showing the film to kids that weren't his own, and he's rightfully told them to cram it. Parents these days are just the worst. Keep up the good fight, Matt!

--- Jock Central - I'm so tired of sports movies not giving up the goods. When I was a kid, sports movies were always a safe place to go see guys in jockstraps while pretending you were there for, you know, sports. Nowadays they never give up anything! It's criminal! Let's hope that Josh Duhamel's new baseball movie called The Wrong Stuff, about a pitcher (insert "I'll be his catcher anytime" pun here) that's "a hot-tempered, self-serving madman unable to see himself as anything other than a baseball player" rights these wrongs. Think Major League, Josh! (PS love the gray beard lately.)

--- Sea Men - Kenneth Lonergan is finally gearing up to shoot another movie (it's been forever and a day since Margaret took forever and two days to come out) - Manchester-By-The-Sea already had Casey Affleck and Michelle Williams attached, and now comes word that Kyle Chandler's joining the cast too. It is supposed to shoot later this month.

--- She Follows - I realized halfway through the horror flick It Follows (which I reviewed right here last week) that I finally need to learn the lead actress' name now that she's been in two probable modern classics in as many years (the other being Adam Wingard's The Guest) - her name is Maika Monroe and you can read an interview with her over here about the making of It Follows. She's almost unrecognizable with brown hair in the picture though.

--- After Twilight - The cast for Kelly Reichardt's new movie is seriously giving me so many tingles - on top of the already in place Michelle Williams and Laura Dern, now Kristen Stewart is in. A year or so ago it would've been acceptable to be all, "Eww KStew no" but not anymore, not after Clouds of Sils Maria. (I still haven't watched Camp X-Ray.)

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Look It's John Cena's O-Face

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Well I guess I should've waited (previous post here) for Amy Schumer to release the red-band trailer for her upcoming movie Trainwreck, directed by Judd Apatow, because it's stuffed with thrusting John Cena, and some dude's big bouncy butt...

... actually, it's this dude's big bouncy butt:

Looking through the cast list I believe that's an actor named Josh Segarra, who's playing a character named "Staten island Oli," which is just the greatest character name. We've actually stared at Segarra naked-ish before - he took it off on that show Sirens one time...
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(They are the same person right?)
And oh no, did he shave his chest?

Why, Maybe-Josh-Segarra? Why???
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Oh well we'll always have the John Cena thrusting thing...

While I was looking through that cast list though I also happened to notice that there are four characters called "One Night Stand Guy" and then another promising one called "Dumpster Guy." Oh Amy, I love you. Here's that red-band trailer:

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A Trainwreck Of Laughter

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"I like you, Amy. You're clever but you're not too brainy. 

You're prettyish but not gorgeous. You're... approachable."

"I'm like Mark Wahlberg ate Mark Wahlberg!"

"I'm gonna call the police."

Sorry if I ruined any of those punchlines for y'all but the trailer for Judd Apatow's Trainwreck, written by and starring my love Amy Schumer, had me laughing so hard I broke a rib, yo. You can watch it over here. Trainwreck's out on July 17th, aka right after my birthday! It's a present for me!

Quote of the Day

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"Once I saw Tilda at JFK at the baggage claim, and her just standing there was one of the most beautiful, powerful sights I have ever seen. I just plainly stared at her. It looked like she was on an ice slab, just, like, leading soldiers into a battle."

--- That's the ever awesome Amy Schumer paying tribute to Tilda Swinton at the Gotham Awards last night, and I guess there's not video of the speech but IndieWire transcribed the entire thing and it's wonderful, go read it. I've never hung out with Tilda, sadly, as Amy talks about, but I have been in her presence several times for movie Q&As (one time just two days ago, in fact) and judging from those experiences every word Amy says seems to be true. Listening to her speak, being in her presence, is like motherfucking chicken soup for the soul. ETA The video's arrived!
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Pics of the Day

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Even though Judd Apatow is pretending this isn't for his movie - he really hasn't gotten a hang of how the internet works - it's fairly certain to everybody with eyeballs and a computer that these pictures are of Daniel Radcliffe and Marisa Tomei filming something for Trainwreck, Apatow's upcoming movie with Amy Schumer. For instance, here is Judd and Amy with Daniel and Marisa and a bunch of cameras surrounding them.

I just don't know what they could be doing! Anyway I love everybody I see on set for this movie, and it's almost making me totally forget that Judd's last movie made me want to commit Apatowicide and wipe his family from existence. Amy Schumer, man. She's amazing. Oh and so is Daniel Radcliffe hanging on doggies.

In somewhat related hey-give-me-some-clicks news, did you know that there's a blu-ray boxed-set of the Harry Potter movies for under 50 bucks on Amazon? That seems kind of crazy cheap to me.

Look At Tilda

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That's a pap-snap of Miss Swinton on the NYC set of Judd Apatow's upcoming movie with my new best girlfriend Amy Schumer called Trainwreck - I was just thinking the other day that I wanted to see Tilda shake up her look a little, and here we are, with a million dollar wig and some fancy-lady accoutrement. She looks lovely. A Judd Apatow joint is not the place I was expecting this from, ya know? What the hell do we think Amy's got up her sleeve with this flick anyway?
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I Am Link

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--- Fast Pants - Some concept art-work for what Quicksilver and The Scarlet Witch might look like in the second Avengers movie has been released online - since Quicksilver is being played by Aaron Johnson, his costume is of TERRIBLE importance to us. It looks possibly tight enough there, but it's kind of hard to tell with the blur. When in doubt, designers, go tighter. Much much much tighter. You cannot go tight enough. If it's so tight all of his parts just burst out of it, you should still go tighter.

--- Keep Out - Talk about a step up: Chinese genius Zhang Yimou is in talks to take over a movie called Great Wall from Ed Zwick of all people. World War Z writer Max Brooks came up with the story about the Great Wall of China's original intent being to keep out big scary monsters - Zwick almost made it a couple of years ago, but it fell through, and now Yimou might make it instead. Hell yes.

--- Blonde Venus - Hey oh looky here it's some more pictures of Cate Blanchett looking amazing on the set of Carol, Todd Haynes' adaptation of Patricia Highsmith's book The Price of Salt. (thanks Murtada) She looks amazing.

--- Two Scary - Ti West's cult movie (it's about a cult, that is) The Sacrament comes out in May; I've already reviewed it, and I wasn't nuts about it. So today's news that his next movie is going to star two of my least favorite actors in all of the world, John Travolta and Ethan Hawke, is not exactly putting me into my happy place today. It's called In the Valley of Violence, and it's a revenge Western set in the 1890s. You're testing my patience, Ti.

--- Come On Ride It - Meanwhile a director whose last movie I outright loathed is trying to make it up to me - take notes from Judd Apatow, Ti West! He is making a film called Trainwreck next, we've mentioned it before, it is centered on an actress/comedian named Amy Schumer who we're not familiar with - anyway Judd is trying to get Tilda Swinton to co-star in it (besides the already signed Brie Larson and Bill Hader, huzzah) which translates to he loves us and wants to make everything alright after the abysmal This is 40.

--- Super News - Best news of the week: Pixar finally got their crap together and are making the one sequel they should be making, a second Incredibles movie. Cannot wait for this. I think I heard they're turning the first movie into a 3D film too, for re-release? I'll totally go see that.

--- Fishy Dish - Apparently Sofia Coppola is in talks to direct a live-action version of The Little Mermaid. Like, the original fairy tale, not the Disney one with the singing crab. I totally want to see this but I don't co-sign the idea that she needs to mix up what she's been doing - I adored The Bling Ring, as I have adored nearly everything she's made. As long as she makes Mermaid her own, puts her stamp on it, then this'd be cool.

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I Am Link

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--- Over Her Shoulder Boulder Holders - Bette Midler is going to perform at the Oscars! If you can believe it, this is her first time performing, too. (That is insane.) Nathaniel thinks she'll be singing over the corpse montage, and he's probably right - he offers a bunch of much more enticing options from her musical moments; the thought of "Otto Titsling" happening on the Oscar stage literally, literally, made my heart skip a beat. I'd also be fine with "Oh Industry," for the record. Or the birthday bunny boy song. Really anything from Beaches. Oh god now I need to watch Beaches.

--- Timeless Threesome - Criterion just released one of their predictably magnificent editions of Francois Truffaut's masterpiece Jules and Jim, stocked to the gills with bonus content to drool over, but it's our pal John's queer read on the flick over at Pop Matters that is not to be missed. It's been awhile since I've seen the movie; nigh time to revisit, I'd say.

--- Her Versus Her -  I haven't been able to bring myself to watch the video because it sounds awkward and I don't want to associate Spike Jonze with awkward - I'm content to associate him with "adorable" and "climb onto my lap immediately" - but here he is getting into a bunch of awkwardness with a journalist who didn't like Her at all. 

--- Hustle Forth - A mid-point reminder to head over to The Film Experience and vote on this week's "Beauty Vs. Beast" poll, where we're asking you to pick sides between the lads and ladies of David O. Russell's American Hustle. I can't say I'm surprised at who's winning, but I am surprised at how close it is between the men.

--- Train Wreck - I hated Judd Apatow's last movie, the phenomenally execrable This is 40, so so so very much that I'm having trouble being enthusastic about anything coming from him even though he's shaking things up an awful lot - the film is written by the comedian Amy Schumer, who is also starring. (I have no idea who she is.) It also stars Bill Hader. (I know who he is. I love him.) And now making it impossible for me to ignore, my beloved Brie Larson has joined the movie. (Thanks Mac) Fine, Judd Apatow! I will give you another chance dammit. I mean I love Girls too, so I suppose I can do this.

--- Golden Dozen - Did you know that once upon a time way way back in their first decade of existence the number of Best Picture nominees at the Academy Awards fluctuated all over the place, from three to a dozen? That year with three must've sucked. Over at TFE Tim takes a look at one of the years with a dozen nominees, 1934, which included two of the best romantic comedies of all time. Tim even manages to get a dig in at human hambones Dick Powell and Ruby Keeler, be still my heart. (I hate them. Joan Blondell forever!)

--- Far Eastern Heroes - Joss Whedon will be shooting the second Avengers movie in Seoul, South Korea, of all places. This makes me sad - I was hoping I'd get to stumble upon them shooting here in New York again. Chris Evans would catch my eye, toss me over his shoulder, carry me to the nearest hotel and mount me on his adamantium shield... what was I talking about?

--- Brother Bill - I'm saving this for lunchtime reading since it's long but The Dissolve has an impressively hefty piece up on the career of Bill Murray up; I rewatched Groundhog Day the other night, ever the charmer, so Murray's the mood.

--- Music For Insects - Edgar Wright is re-teaming with frequent scoring companion Steven Price for his Ant-Man movie; Price most recently did the score (and got nommed for an Oscar) for Alfonso Cuarón's Gravity, which I just fucking adore. I know some people think it's too much but I loooooove that soundtrack. That deep thrumming zipping synth sound that ratchets up as the debris comes flying gives me tingles down there.

--- And Finally when we first heard that Homeland's Rupert Friend was going to be playing the Hitman (replacing Timothy Olyphant) in Agent 47 we wondered what he was gonna look with a shaved head (more than wonder, we outright thought it wouldn't work on him) - well now we have a picture and... I'm undecided. What do y'all think?

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poll by twiigs.com

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