Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Death Proof (2007)

Dov: So is it Shawna and the girls

at the lake house this weekend?

Shanna: Shawna?

Dov: Awww fuck, I didn...

Shanna: No. Now there is one thing every girl

in the whole world whose name is Shanna

has in common with each other -

we all hate the name Shawna.

And we really hate when people call us Shawna.

Remember it's Shanna banana not Shawna banawna.

 ... or you can learn from:

Planet Terror (2007)

Cherry Darling: You're a doctor? 

Dr. Dakota Block: Hmm. I was earlier tonight. 

Cherry Darling: I always wanted to be a doctor,.

Instead, I can do this. [Cherry arches her body up 

in a bridge position] Useless talent number 66. 

I'm very pliable. 

Dr. Dakota Block: You know, my girlfriend had a theory. 

She said at some point in your life, you find a use 

for every useless talent you ever had. 

It's like connecting the dots. 

Cherry Darling: I'm not that optimistic. 

I feel like I'm sinking down a drain and I can't get out. 

Dr. Dakota Block: She'd say, "when you're stuck 

in that spiral, you reach up". 

Cherry Darling: What if there's nothing up there? 

Dr. Dakota Block: Just reach up. 

Grindhouse, the full loaded double fucking feature from Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez featuring both of these movies with fake trailers by Eli Roth and Rob Zombie and Edgar Wright and Rodriguez himself bracketing them, was released ten years ago today on April 6th 2007. And it was a great big belly-flop, box-office-wise. 

Did any of you get to go see the films this way? Harvey Weinstein was a dick about the release so I know it ended up tough to find; they were released separately not long after. Anyway I did get to see the double-feature myself and I loved the hell out of it. Planet Terror is a lot of fun but I'm really glad the critical consensus seems to have finally come around on Death Proof, which is Top 3 Tarantino for me, and which I re-watch every six months or so, never getting tired of it.

I can't believe Eli Roth
never made Thanksgiving though.

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I Am Link

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--- Mountain Man - We've posted a couple of these already (that Jessica Chastain in Crimson Peak picture, those Charlie Cox in Daredevil pictures) but EW's latest issue is looking ahead to next year's movies and has our first looks at a bunch of things; The Playlist helpfully gathered them up in one spot right here. There's Neil Blomkamp's Chappie, there's Tina Fey & Amy Poehler in Sisters, and there's that shot of Jake Gyllenhaal in Everest, seen to the left. Thinking about Everest makes me sad because the studio forced me to remove the pictures of Jake naked on the set from the blog awhile back. Sad. (I mean I still have them on my computer, obviously. And if you google them they're still online elsewhere. I'll go look at them now!)

--- From The Ash's - Apparently also in this issue of EW they talk to Bruce Campbell some about the Evil Dead TV series that he's making with Sam Raimi (I still have to slap myself when I hear this news again, I go all slack-jawed yokel thinking about it) - the whole interview's not available yet but STYD has a couple of brief snippets. This shit is so crazy. So crazy!

--- Look Behind You - I think I even mentioned here at the blog that I wasn't going to watch a trailer for the upcoming hella-hyped horror movie It Follows because I prefer skipping horror trailers since they give the good stuff away a lot of the time, but I caved last night after everybody was talking about how good the new trailer is, and oh my god it looks good!!! I want I want! It has a US date now too - February 27th.

--- Ice Maker - Is it wrong that the name Robert Rodriguez doesn't excite me anymore? In theory, once upon a time, seeing that he's attached to make a live-action version of Ralph Bahski's Fire and Ice, that should sound cool, right? But unless they give him a real budget... I don't know. I'd kinda rather just look at Bashki's art. And I'm kind of sick of all RR's stunt-casting. I think it was hiring Mel Gibson that soured me the most, probably.

--- Climb The Wall -  Zhang Yimou is making an epic movie about the Great Wall (it's also somehow supernatural centered?) in China but it will be English-language and it will probably star Matt Damon. That's all fine and good. But now they've gone and added A Game of Thrones' Pedro Pascal to the cast, and we can truly be enthusiastic!

--- Grief Stricken - Sure I'll link to a couple more Babadook reviews, why not - here's Capone at AICN talking about the movie, making the point that the movie works so well unlike so many modern horror flicks because gosh darn it it cares about its characters, and here's our pals at Kindetrauma finding some echoes of Bava in there that hadn't occurred to me til they said it.

--- Hero Fatigue - This interview with Joss Whedon (done from the set of the second Avengers movie) starts off by telling us how exhausted he is, and from there on out it shows - while he gets a couple of good lines in (tell us more about your underwear, Joss) his rambling is the rambling of a very very tired person who has answered all these damn superhero questions before.

--- And Finally, I can co-sign this sort of manipulation: Over at The Film Experience Nathaniel used The Hobbit's latest subtitle about Five Armies as an excuse to post pictures of some of his favorite movies about the military, specifically the men in the military, specifically all the hot ones. Come for the beautiful boys of Unbroken, and stay for Monty Clift in From Here To Eternity:

Three Thumbs Up: George Clooney

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Not to usher in a black cloud on his 53rd birthday (with him finally settling down and everything!) but does anybody else feel their like for George Clooney hitting a wall these days? I thought his current brand of smug was used well in Gravity - it was a gag, how assured he was... til it wasn't - but there's something about his delivery these days that's begun to really grate on my nerves. It was especially pronounced when I watched the unforgivably tepid The Monuments Men this past weekend - you really get the feeling that he really thinks you would be way better off if you just let Goerge Clooney help you out, and it's started to make my skin crawl. 

And looking through his last several movies - again Gravity excepted, but titles like The Ides of March and (ugh) The American and (UGH TIMES INFINITY) The Descendants... well it's an exercise in exhausting yourself and all the goodwill you have in your body and may ever have. We're not quite to the point of none ever return we're at with Matthew McConaughey or Robert Downey Jr., the two former recipients of one of these posts - unlike those just-named fellas I could name more than three roles of George's that I've enjoyed here (his work on Golden Girls is iconic), and also I'm on-board with George's political activities and/or ambitions - but things are veering towards dire-straits enough that I feel I should remind myself of me and Georgie-boy's good times together.
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Fantastic Mr. Fox -- The bright spot from the past several years on his resume that doesn't rhyme with Bravity - I've seen FMF (that abbreviation makes it look like a personals ad) several times now and it's charm has legs. Long pretty legs. Long pretty legs covered with teensy little individual hairs that are being manipulated frame by frame by frame by obscenely dedicated animators. Anderson uses Clooney's voice, assured to the point of snapping, perfectly - it's as frustrating as it is freeing.

Out of Sight -- A movie so good it made us all think that there was a point to Jennifer Lopez for a hot minute. (Some people seem to still labor under that delusion, even.) That sex scene, sexless as it is, remains a high water mark.

From Dusk Til Dawn -- When I think of FDTD I immediately think of a couple things - Salma Hayek dancing in a bikini with a boa constrictor, Tom Savini's dick-gun... and those snaking tendrils of tattoo coming up George Clooney's neck make the cut every time. I don't think those things (or Tarantino, for that matter) get enough credit for every single person on Earth knowing the names of George's entire string of nobody girlfriends and the exact lake he's got a villa on.

What is your favorite George Clooney performance?

I Am Link

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--- Thrill Kill - Elijah Wood is just obsessed with serial killers! Obsessed! I guess getting harassed by Macaulay on The Good Son left a mark. His production company is making The Boy, the first part in a planned trilogy about a budding serial killer - the first film will be about him at age 9 (then 14, then 18). A bunch of supporting actors just joined the film, including blonde god Mike Vogel.

--- And Speaking of Elijah Wood, our pal Glenn Dunks reviews a couple of my favorite recent genre efforts over at his site - the Elijah starring ridiculousness that is Grand Piano (here's my review of that), and then also the be all and everything Alpine monster movie Blood Glacier, which I just lavished love upon the other day. Glenn and I watched the latter together and he was all curled up in his chair being a big scaredy-pants!
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--- Wang Less - Producer Joel Silver talked to ComingSoon about Non-Stop, the new Liam Neeson thriller out this weekend that I totally want to see despite myself, but the most interesting part was when Silver talked about the Terry Gilliam version of Watchmen that almost happened. Gilliam's take would've excised Dr. Manhattan altogether. No giant swinging blue wang! Unimaginable.

--- Granting Cary - Here's an interview with Cary Fukunaga that's mostly about True Detective, but also about what he's working on next (that child soldier movie with Idris Elba), what he's recently watched (he saw a rough cut of Darren Aronofsky's Noah, and oh yeah he goes on about how terrible Pompeii is), and a few other things - he's a good interview. They also ask him about the recent criticisms of TD for sexism and he brings up the Bechdel Test, so points to him on that one.

--- Black & White Cookie - The first batch of pictures from the Sin City sequel A Dame To Kill For have shown up, and they look like pictures from a Sin City movie, alright. Since Robert Rodriguez is directing, there's Jessica Alba to look at. Why's he so insistent with her? Until right this minute I'd totally forgotten I watched Machete Kills this weekend; that's how memorable it was, in no small part due to Alba's "star-power."

--- Dark Materials - Over at The Film Experience Michael C. makes some good points about 12 Years a Slave's lack of catharsis and how that might be spooking the Academy's brittle old foolish voters away - I've officially slipped into the "can we just get the damned Oscars over with already" mind-set. I might just have to fast-forward through the Best Actor and Best Supporting Actor portions of the night.
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--- Wrist Flickers - I think he overrates what Tom Hanks was doing in Saving Mr. Banks (although I really liked Saving Mr. Banks, you may recall) I love this piece by Tom Shone on how underrated the school of less-is-more acting has become - how everybody needs a schtick nowadays, and how exhausting that can be to watch. What he says about Gary Cooper's hand acting in Morocco, I can recollect all of that off the top of my head; that's how memorable such simple things can be.
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--- And Speaking of men who are getting on my last nerve right now, here's an interview with Martin Scorsese that's at times almost unreadable - he warns us at the start that he's super jet-lagged and exhausted but Kris Tapley's so busy kissing Marty's ass that apparently he couldn't bear to edit the rambling nonsense down a bit. And the bit about Wolf of Wall Street is naturally what pushed me over:

"If you're offended by it you're offended. If you can be offended by this and not be offended by people being thrown out of their houses and people not being found culpable in this situation and walking away with millions of dollars of bonuses — I'm offended by that."

I have more than enough offense for that plus your shitty movie, Marty. I'm at least optimistic about Scorsese's next film Silence, since it sounds like he's attempting to make the polar opposite of Wolf, in theory.

--- Do A Dom - Click on over yonder for a bunch of new clips from Dom Hemingway, Jude Law's new movie - they're not safe for wrk but just because of language and some naked ladies, not because there's any more of Jude Law's bare ass like I was hoping for.

--- Grey Skull - The director of Another Earth (which I did not like at all, and only partially because ugh Brit Marling) and the upcoming I Origins (which got some love at Sundance) is maybe going to make a new Masters of the Universe movie, of all things. The thought of Brit Marling playing She-Ra is tickling my funny bone, I have to admit. A few more names, like the guy who made the second Kick-Ass movie, are also mentioned.
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 --- Passing Strange - Marvel head honcho Kevin Feige says that the "Johnny Depp is Doctor Strange!" rumors are basically bunk, and that they don't feel like they necessarily need to have a giant star play the role. Good, send Depp packing please. I've already got to expend enough effort setting aside my hate for Robert Downey Jr. when it comes to my giant superhero franchises.
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Sin With Me

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By now maybe you have probably heard that both Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Chris Meloni have joined the second Sin City movie? JGL is playing Johnny, a sort-of lead... Johnny Depp apparently turned the role down; will they change the character's name to Joey now? Meloni's playing a cop; it's also supposed to be a good sized role. You know how these things are; it'll be all episodic like the original one. A bunch of people (Mickey Rourke, Jessica Alba) are returning from the first go-round. Anyway I'm obviously hoping Chris and Joe share some, uh, "screen time." That's pronounced "semen."

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Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Sin City (2005)

Dwight: It's time to prove to your friends

that you're worth a damn. Sometimes that means dying,

sometimes it means killing a whole lot of people.

Happy 48, Clive Owen!

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Gratuitous Marko Zaror

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I found the casting announcements for Robert Rodriguez's Machete sequel Machete Kills progressively awful so I stopped paying attention. Right around the time Mel Gibson was announced, I think that's what did it. So I'm not sure what gratuity intuition got me to click on the news this morning that somebody I'm completely unfamiliar with had joined the film's cast, but I did, and we should all be glad. His name's Marko Zaror, he is apparently an action star in Chile, and he is somebody worth looking at.

As you can see. The Playlist has a so-called "sizzle reel" to sell us on him, as well as his own personal Machete Kills poster, so click over for that. They really should've gone with one of these pictures I'm posting here if you ask me, though.

So hit the jump for a bunch more pics

 of Marko that I dug up. Anybody seen him in anything?

I Am Link

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--- Quarter Quelled - Slash offers up a new bit of casting for The Hunger Games sequel Catching Fire - a relatively unknown actress named Meta Golding will be playing District 2's former winner Enobaria (I don't remember this character at all) - and in the doing they off-handedly make it seem as if Sam Claflin has been locked in for the part of Finnick... I thought it was only in the rumor stage still, and hadn't actually been finalized? Did I miss something? I hope I didn't miss something because I'm still holding out hope for [fill in the blank with fifty names before his].

--- Twilight of the Beats - Another trailer for On the Road can be seen at Towelroad with that hussy Kristen Stewart giving handies left and right - literally - to the Beats. More like the Beat Offs am I right? Hardy har. Anyway look how frigging adorable this cast of menfolk is:

--- Chicks Flick - No shock that the always welcome Catherine Keener's joining director Nicole Holofcener's next movie - she's been in all of Nicole Holofcener's movies, after all - but sweet surprise to see Toni Collette's joined the cast.

--- Action Man - Joe "Big Man" Manganiello keeps working  those biceps to the limit - he's maybe going to make an action movie with Schwarzenegger and Sam Worthington next, with the director of Jake's upcoming Bald Cop Movie no less. It's about time Joe got around to a damn action movie, don't ya think?

--- Give Them Omar - This is the second time today I'm mentioning never watching The Wire - this time because Michael K. Williams, best known for that show, has joined the cast of the Robocop remake. MKW will always be the Jon Lovitz double in Life During Wartime to me.

--- Time To Sin Again - Mickey Rourke is going to be in the Sin City sequel, you know if the Sin City sequel actually turns into a real thing and not just an eternal pipe dream.

--- Blue Steele - Cool chick who doesn't get enough love everywhere Barbara Steele gets some love at The Film Experience in another stellar episode of Craig's "Take Three" column. She rules, the rest of us drool.

--- Taped Delay - Glenn and I had similar issues with the misogyny on display in the upcoming horror anthology V/H/S - unfortunately on top of that Glenn didn't find the film clever or scary at all, like I did, which allowed me to argue away some of my issues with the movie in my review.
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Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

... rediscovering technicolor.

A happy birthday to Marley Shelton, who just came up in a conversation I was having a couple of days ago - I can't seem to figure why she's never caught on. I like her very much. As does Robert Rodriguez, apparently.

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poll by twiigs.com

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Who Wore It Best?

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Amputee hotness?

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poll by twiigs.com

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All this banter about Angelina Jolie's wayward gam got me thinking.

It also kept reminding me of this amazing bit from Frankenhooker.
This post is dedicated to the memory of Luis Buñuel.

I Am Link

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--- White Gunk shooting everywhere, it's the return of Spider-Man! And not just any Spider-Man, but the one that slapped Andy Garfield ass in spandex. Can't go wrong... well, maybe you can, who knows. There's a new trailer for the movie, watch it over here. I will see this movie because of my love for Garfield and for Emma Stone, but I found that first trailer that was all Spidey's POV as he flew between buildings more exciting than this more generic set-up one. Things I like here: the casting seems fun (Dennis Leary especially pops out), and the gymnastic fight scenes with Peter Parker flipping all around bug-like are nifty. But I hope they actually use that POV shot from the early trailer in the film, I was really looking forward to it, and it seemed a nice way to differentiate this from Raimi's films.

--- Man Or Machete - Robert Rodriguez is teaming up with Danny Trejo to make the Machete sequel nobody was clamoring for! Gosh I hope they bring back Jessica Alba, I really want that girl to keep getting work, don't you? (GAH.) Alright I kind of liked Machete, but e makes this while a version of Rose McGowan as Red Sonja rots in my memory and I get bitter, is all.

--- Filled With Dredd - I love Karl Urban but I think it's probably impossible to translate Judge Dredd into anything that doesn't seem dated and ridiculous, so these new pictures from the new film seem... dated and ridiculous, basically. 

--- The Runner Man - Not surprising, except for the fact that it took well over twenty-four hours to happen, is the news that the rumor that Harrison Ford would be in Ridley Scott's new Blade Runner movie was a whole lotta poppycock. Stop stop voting on that poll I posted, it's poppycock! Poppycock!

--- Spook Pysch - James Wan's movie about those paranormal investigators that worked on the Amityville house has a new name - it's now called The Warren Files, which if you ask me is better than what it was going to be called, which was The Conjuring. I didn't like The Conjuring, it sounds like some sort of role-playing card game. they've also cast the little kids for the movie, one of whom will hopefully be a serial depantser, constantly yanking down Patrick Wilson's drawers on screen. What? I have to come up with these things, it keeps me alive.

--- Muscle Mountain - A few new pictures from John Carter are online, see 'em here. They're not that exciting, since there's only minimum Taylor Kitch beefcake. So instead, check out this new shot of The Rock in the new GI Joe movie, in which he looks ridiculously huge. Big guys like this aren't usually my thing and yet I would climb right up The Rock and plant a flag on his head (if by "a flag" I mean... yeah, that). 

--- Ready Streep Go - If you haven't seen it already head over to The Film Experience where Nat had his readership rank their favorites of Meryl Streep's Oscar nominated performances. Here's where I admit that I have never seen Sophie's Choice. I know, I know. It's just sounds SO depressing, and not in a fun let's watch the world blow up Melancholia way. If I were ranking my favorites, Silkwood would easily be number one. I fucking worship Silkwood, it's a perfect movie and she's spectacular in it.

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I Am Link

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--- Blessed By Bale - It must be good to be Christian Bale. I mean, duh. Obviously! (Besides the whole "rae" thing or whatever.) Slash breaks down the five roles Bale's apparently got on the table as possibilities for him to follow up The Dark Knight Rises with and they're like a hit list of good goddamns. He could do "A Star is Born directed by Clint Eastwood, Gold directed by Michael Mann, Oldboy directed by Spike Lee, Out of the Furnace directed by Scott Cooper or... Noah directed by Darren Aronofsky". You can find more about each of those if you're unfamiliar at the link. I have to say he might be a great choice for Oldboy, if remaking Oldboy were at all a good idea. But Spike Lee directing, Bale starring... it'd be something you'd have to see, at least. Anyway let's help him make his decision...

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poll by twiigs.com

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--- Dark Del Toro - The remake of Don't Be Afraid of the Dark is out on Friday so we're gonna be seeing interviews with Guillermo Del Toro everywhere - if you hadn't noticed, he likes to talk. Here's one over at AICN. I love how when he's asked what time in a kid's life it's alright for them to view horror movies he basically says he lets his little girls watch as much horror as they want. Damn straight! Gotta warp 'em early, ya know.
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--- Getting Warmer - I've talked about the upcoming "zom-rom-com" Warm Bodies before - it's based on a book by Isaac Marion that I read forever and a week ago and the film's set to star Nicholas Hoult and Teresa Palmer - who's totally ready to be a star, she was so beyond charming in the terrible Take Me Home Tonight (also, the lucky girl dates Scott Speedman in the real life). BD's reporting that Rob Corddry has joined the cast as one of Hoult's friends, a fellow zombie named M. It's been so long since I read the book I don't remember the deal with that character though. Oh well! The movie will seem all new then. Shooting starts next month.

--- Tacos For My Ben - Since I don't tend to watch videos at my office (it's impossible to turn up the sound here) I thought this story about Robert Rodriguez making a horror movie about killer tacos next was a true thing, which was alarming. Apparently it's just a joke, which I would know had I listened to the video. It can be so confusing, being me.

--- Boy Wonder - This picture of a pubescent Jake Gyllenhaal is adorable. Adorable! Meanwhile I thought the teenage shot of Matthew Morrison (barf) was Vincent Cassel!

--- Sewell Seconded - Alex Proyas once made a really good movie, and that movie is called Dark City. He then went and made a whole bunch of crap and depressed everybody that found that early film so enthralling. He's making some sort of action-horror version of Milton's poem Paradise Lost right now, which okay? It's starring Bradley Cooper as Lucifer and Benjamin Walker as the archangel Michael, and now the star of Proyas' Dark City Rufus Sewell is in talks to join the cast. I like Sewell also mainly because of that film, so this reunion hits a happy place. Bring on Kiefer Sutherland then! (That's the first time I've ever said that sentence.)

--- And finally, aww I like this pic of Megan Fox hanging with Chris O'Dowd (cutie from Bridesmaids) and Jason Segel on the set of Judd Apatow's This Is Forty (via). I know it's everybody's pastime to knock her, but fuck that, MNPP is in her corner still.
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If You're Going To Suck On Something, Colin...

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Just a quick heads-up since I've had the day off and should be getting ready for dinner right now and not gallivanting on the internet like this (yes, this is gallivanting) - if you missed me today you can get a little bit over at Celebrity Beehive where I'm doing my weekly thing looking at the movies out in theaters today. Colin Farrell is a vampire in a wifebeater! Jason Momoa is a barbarian in need of a very large brassiere! So on. Now go have a good weekend! Well go and read my article first, then have a good weekend. Have some fucking priorities, god.

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

From Dusk Til Dawn (1996)

Carlos: So, what, were they psychos, or...

Seth Gecko: Did they look like psychos? Is that what they looked like? They were vampires. Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them, I don't give a fuck how crazy they are!

Happy 50th, George Clooney.

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TGT10: A Moment of 2010 Awesomeness

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This has been a moment of 2010 awesomeness.
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