Never Ever Say Final, Ever

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Consider this a "note to self" -- I should probably do a post listing the Hottest Guys of the Final Destination franchise at some point, shouldn't I? That's so in my wheelhouse the wheel just flew off a fiery car crash and embedded itself in my spine. And given I'm illustrating this post with a photo of Nick Zano (via), star of the fourth film in the franchise and star of one of its best death scenes (one we were just talking about on Friday) it's safe to assume Nick'd place well on such a list.

Anyway that post from Friday got posted right before the big news broke that the franchise, probably my favorite of all the modern day horror franchises, is getting the reboot. Well one place said it was a "reboot" but Variety is calling it "the sixth film in the series" so perhaps it's an honest-to-goodness old-fashioned sequel. I mean it's not like continuity is terribly important to the Final Destinations from film to film - they gave it a stab here and there (and they really gunned for it with the fifth film's finale) but if they were to just pick up with a new disaster and a new group of doomed folks I don't really think any of us are gonna mind too much.

I've been clamoring for a sixth film ever since that fifth one came out a full eight years ago - the movies were all financial successes and even if they had their quality ups and downs I will sit down and re-watch any and every one of them at the drop of a hat. This here news of a new film is kind of a surprise though - literally a week ago Tony Todd, the Candyman actor who also had a recurring role as a mordant mortician in this franchise, was asked if there'd ever be another one and he said...

"I am [surprised] but I know why there hasn't been [another Final Destination]... It's really an expensive film to shoot. Just getting whatever accident set pieces, like for example part two with the whole traffic accident, that took a good five weeks to shoot and at least $20 million bucks. So there are other films like the Annabelle films which just focuses on a doll that they can shoot cheaper and still make money."

I guess they changed their mind! Good! Now we all need to focus on the most important question:  WHAT WILL THE OPENING SEQUENCE BE ABOUT??? They've done plane crashes, car crashes, bridge and rollercoaster collapses, a race track implosion. I think they should go with some sort of Natural Disaster - an Earthquake, maybe?

All that aside I must express I'm a little wary of just who's taking over the franchise - Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunstan, who wrote a whole bunch of the later Saw films, are writing it. I personally found the Saw franchise unwatchable, lacking all the goofy nasty fun of Final Destination movies - the Saw films were grim, dank, depressing, and dumb. So I hope these guys can adapt themselves, and not the reverse. Otherwise...

10 off My Head: Dunk Me To Hell

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Earlier this morning I made mention of my current Channel Zero obsession. If you're unfamiliar (and you might be given how under the radar this show's been even for me, a horror nut) it's a season-long anthology series on SyFy that's currently on its fourth. So far I've watched the first season (an incredibly strong run of six episodes subtitled Candle Cove and starring Paul Schneider & Fiona Shaw) and I'm a little over halfway through the fourth, having skipped the middle ones, which I'll spin back to next. 

Anyway in the fourth episode of this fourth season, which I just watched last night, there is a weird and scary scene that happens in a high school swimming pool, and as I watched it unfurl a sudden laundry list of "Horror Movie Swimming Pools" popped into my head. They're very much a thing! So why not list some of my faves? Why not, indeed.

10 of the Scariest Swimming Pools in the Movies

Let the Right One In (2007)

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Poltergeist III (1988)

It Follows (2014)

The Fan (1981) (see more here)

The Final Destination (see more here)

The Strangers: Prey at Night (2018)

High-Rise (see more here)

Shivers (1975)

Cat People (1942)

The Devil's Backbone (2001)

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There are of course tons more....

So what are some of your faves?

Thursday's Ways Not To Die

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When I saw that today is the actor Nick Zano's 40th birthday - Happy 40, Nick! - I knew it was time to finally devote one of our "Ways Not To Die" to Nick's infamous death scene in 2009's The Final Destination. But I forgot how well shot the sequence is, so we're taking it after the jump! Let's dive right in...

Good Morning, World

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File this under Most Definitely NSFW but I stumbled upon this fun Tumblr yesterday that collects gifs of actors getting friendly with themselves and if you want to lose a few minutes staring at such a thing, click on over. It's NSFW because it includes movies with the real deal going on, not just pretend, so expect, you know, the occasional erection to pop up. As erections do! And I stole a few of my favorite (non-pornographic) gifs after the jump if you hit it...

I Quit Smoking Eight Years Ago Today

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Here a puff, there a puff, everywhere a puffing poof - well it's that time of year again! For eight years we've been commemorating the fall of the house of nicotine, when I gave up the bad habit for... well, other bad habits. Anyway every May 5th we say "Hooray for me and my lungs!" with photographs of attractive gentlemen-folk doing damage to their own in the name of sexiness.

And here we are again. We've previously posted enough smoking pictures to blot out the sun itself - you can see Year 1 right here, you can see Year 2 right here, you can see Year 3 right here, you can see Year 4 right here, and you can see Year 5 right here, and you can see Year 6 right here, and you can see Year 7 right here. And with all of those that have come before in mind let us now hit the jump to suck down on 50-something more men for Year 8...

Nick Zano Seven Times

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These are via a couple of different photo-shoots (the majority are via Interview Magazine) but I guess I had some catch-up to play with Nick - I hear he's got a sitcom on NBC right now? Something about lesbians? Well if there's room for Nick Zano to take his clothes off on a lesbian sitcom you guys let me know, and I'll be there so so quick. Hit the jump for all of the pictures...

Good Morning, World

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These images of Nick Zano waking n' baking on a recent episode of Anna Faris' sitcom Mom are the platonic ideal of today's mood - I'm totally and completely exhausted right now after a fitful snow-battered travel session last evening and would give anything to be and to have everything I am looking at right there. Alas, work calls. But I can look at the pictures and dream, so dream I shall. So while I try to pull myself together, let's just look at more after the jump. Sound good, Nick? I thought as much.

I Am Link

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--- Spy Guy - We were very happy to hear that Rose Byrne was teaming up with her Bridesmaids co-star Melissa McCarthy for that lady-spy movie called Susan Cooper (written and directed by Bridesmaids Paul Fieg too) - but now that we're hearing that Jason Statham is also joining the cast as another spy? Oh my god, my entire body is tingling.

--- Old Lady - Inspired by the news that Laura Dern is going to play Reese Witherspoon's mother in a new movie (despite the fact that she's all of nine years older), at The Film Experience Nat takes a look at all the viable older actresses out there not getting nearly enough work because Hollywood sucks for older women. I'm happy Dern got a job, at least.

--- Night Walkers - Chris Evans is going to star in and direct 1:30 Train, a movie about a dude who meets a lady on a train and they spend some real-time together falling in love a la Before Midnight movies - the lady in question will be played by infamous Star Trek boob-popper Alice Eve.

--- Berlin Stories - Run Lola Run director Tom Tykwer is going to make a twelve-part series for German television called Babylon Berlin, which will be based on the writings of "Volker Kutscher and centre on the figure of Inspector Gereon Rath who hails from Cologne and arrives in the Berlin of 1920s, the epicentre of political and social changes of those years." (Shades of Berlin Alexanderplatz much?) Tykwer's making a movie with his Cloud Atlas star Tom Hanks first though, called A Hologram For the King.

--- The Nicky Show - Channing Tatum just sold a sitcom to CBS - not for himself to star in; he will produce and his good friend Nick Zano will star. Yeah the same Nick Zano who got his guts sucked out through his ass in the Final Destination movies. I want to hear more about his and Channing's close friendship. Click here and here and here and here and here for lots of Nicky.

--- More Most Ghost - Tim Burton might actually really direct the sequel to Beetlejuice, which will star Michael Keaton. That's nutso. Course the Tim Burton of Now is not the Tim Burton of the 1980s, so perhaps we should be horrified by this idea? If they hire Winona, I promise to be good.

--- Queen's Fella - I finally caught up on Homeland last night, and right while I was watching it I saw the news that Damian Lewis is going to co-star with Nicole Kidman in Werner Herzog's long-gestating biopic Queen of the Desert, so that was weird.

--- High Enough - There are two big mountain-climbing movies coming our ways apparently, and The Playlist does a good job sorting out what's what - on one of them Tom Hardy had to drop out and might be replaced by Benedict Cumberbatch, while a host of hotties are named as his possible co-star; on the other Jake Gyllenhaal, full stop.

--- Wood Nymphs - Yesterday over at The Film Experience I wrote up the news that Ellen Page and Evan Rachel Wood are set to play sisters in Into the Forest, which is adapted from a book that sounds up my alley - they must survive together as the world falls apart.

--- Big Gun - Michael Fassbender's Kiwi Western Slow West with Kodi Smit-McPhee started filming this week, so hopefully we'll start seeing set pictures of Michael Fassbender in slim cowboy pants and/or chaps any time now.
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A Handful Of Zano

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Whoa! Wait a minute! Hold up! This (sadly) doesn't happen very often but somehow a scene of Utmost Importance slipped completely betwixt my fingers. Much like Nick Zano's junk can be seen slipping back and forth betwixt his fingers up above, in fact. Looking thru my archives I see how it happened - it was February of 2008 the first time I posted about Mr. Zano, and that was because he got himself cast in the fourth Final Destination movie. (We all know how that turned out.)

(It turned out well.) The only reason to know who he was before that was if you were a big fan of Amanda Bynes and/or Jennie Garth (I was not) and watched the What I Like About You television show (I was not) or if you watched The Hills - I believe he dated one of those girls? I have no idea. His other credits never caught my eye - like for instance he played "Camera Salesman" in the Fat Albert movie. (Oh my god there was a Fat Albert movie, anybody remember that? Kenan Thompson would rather we forgot, I imagine.)

Anyway even though at that point in 2008 once I knew he was in a Final Destination movie I should have had him well on my radar, I failed - I failed you, I failed myself - and totally missed the movie he was in that came out that Summer, called College. And thus, I missed this scene, until today, when I saw it was Nick's birthday and decided to wish him a happy. And he gave me a happy in return!

So much happy. Alright so this depends on your tolerance for staring at pictures of a shirtless Nick Zano handling his junk - if it's low, you've probably already seen enough and don't need to hit the jump. If on the other hand you're not a total weirdo and you can never have enough of a shirtless Nick Zano handling his junk, you really should hit the jump then, because this is the place to see a lot of such a thing. A whole heckuva lot.

Thursday's Ways Not To Die

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Final Destination 2 (2003)

Time's gotten away from me and I hadn't planned on doing a Ways Not To Die post at all today, but then I saw it was David "Not Mike Vogel" Paetkau's 29th birthday and how the hell was I supposed to resist that? Having not planned this I didn't have the DVD with me, so I had to do the best I could with the scene off of YouTube. I mean, I'm lucky it was there to do anything with. We all are, aren't we? But if I'd done this proper-like I probably could've taken the time to give love to the entire intricate slapstick build-up of this scene, and all the gags contained therein (the spaghetti slip!), and since I wasn't able to do that you should just watch the video. Or watch the whole movie! Hell let's watch all five movies! Hooray!

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As a bonus, this scene is some of the proof that the Final Destination franchise is one of the better ones when it comes to meting out the guy flesh (I mean the sexy kind, not the gory kind, although of course there's both, is there ever) as much as it does the lady kind. See also: Nick Zano, The Final Destination. Mmm see that.

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Previous Ways Not To Die: Unbuggered -- Tell 'Em Large Marge Sent'cha -- Blue Man Gooped -- Tongue Stung -- Now Wouldn't Cha, Barracuda? -- Leaving on a Rat Plane -- Panthers! -- Fashion Faux-Pwned -- "It's Just A Box." -- Blasted Pigeons -- Taunting Ahnuld -- The Too Hot Tub -- Beyond the Veil -- Sunken Prayers -- Super Crack -- Brains Blown -- Fur For The Boogens -- White Hot Bunny Rabbit Rage -- Dragged To Hell -- The TV Van That Dripped Blood -- Don't Mess With Mama -- Heads Ahoy -- Martyred For Sheep -- Heads Nor Tails -- He Loves Me Knot -- The Great Bouncing Brad -- Miss Kitty's 8 Mishaps -- Boat Smoosh -- Meeting the French-Tipped Menace -- A Magic Trick -- Slick Suck -- We Who Walk Here Walk Alone -- Raptor Bait -- Kneegasm'd -- Dare to Dream in Fincher -- Reach Out and Throttle Someone -- De-Faced -- Voluntary Drowning -- Cross Borne -- Pulled Up Hell's Sphincter -- An Arrow Up The Ass - The Numerous Violent Unbecomings of Olive Oyl -- Ack! Ack! Zap! -- Baby's First Acid Splash -- Chop, Drop and Sashimi Roll -- Forever Rafter -- Can't You Hear Me Now? -- Daisies Ways #5 - Harpoony Side Up -- Acid Dip -- On a Wing and a Prey -- For Standing in the Way of Sappho -- Busting Rule Number Three (For The Purpose of Number Two) -- Daisies #4 - Window Dressed To Killed -- Hands Off the Haas Orb -- Bullet Ballet -- A Single Vacancy at the Roach Motel -- A School Bus Slipped Thru The Ice -- Trache-AAHHHH!!!-tomy'd - For Mel Gibson's Sins -- A Wide Stanced Slashing --- Daisies Ways #3 - Scratch n' Snuffed -- The Victim of a Viscous Hit & Run -- Curled -- Kabobbed -- Daisies Ways #2 - Aggravated Cementia -- Boo! Nun! -- 2009's Ways Not To Die -- Bug Scratch Fever -- Daisies Ways #1 - Deep Fat Fried in My Own Unique Blend of 500 Herbs & Spices -- By the Yard End of the Stick -- Screwed From A Very Great Distance -- A Righteous Bear-Jew Beatdown -- Fisted By Hugo Sitglitz -- Xeno Morphed -- Fuck-Stuck -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 4 -- Lava Bombed -- The Cradle Will Rock... Your Face Off!!! -- The Food of the Nilbog Goblins -- The Slugs Is Gonna Gitcha -- Phone Shark -- Hide The Carrot -- Sarlacc Snacked -- Avada Kedavra!!! -- Hooked, Lined and Sinkered -- "The Libyans!" -- Axe Me No Questions -- Pin the Chainsaw on the Prostitute -- The Wrath of the Crystal Unicorn -- The Ultimate Extreme Make-Over -- Drown In A Sink Before The Opening Credits Even Roll -- The Dog Who Knew Too Much -- Don't Die Over Spilled Milk -- Inviting the Wrath of Aguirre -- An Inconceivable Outwitting -- The Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique -- Nipple Injected Blue Junk -- Your Pick Of The Deadly Six -- Thing Hungry -- Don't Fuck With The Serial Killer's Daughter -- DO Forget To Add The Fabric Softener -- Any Of The Ways Depicted In This Masterpiece Of Lost Cinema -- Rode Down In The Friscalating Dusklight -- Good Morning, Sunshine! -- Mornin' Cuppa Drano -- The Cylon-Engineered Apocalypse -- Tender-Eye-zed -- Martian Atmospheric Asphyxiation -- Maimed By A Mystical Person-Cat -- The Sheets Are Not To Be Trusted -- Handicapable Face-Hacked -- I Did It For You, Faramir -- Summertime In The Park... Of A Pedophile's Mind -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 3 -- Strung Up With Festive Holiday Bulbs By Santa Claus Himself -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 2 -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 1 -- Decapitated Plucked Broiled & Sliced -- Head On A Stick! -- A Trip To The Ol' Wood-Chipper -- Pointed By The T-1000 -- Sucking Face With Freddy Krueger -- A Pen-Full Of Home-Brewed Speed to The Eye -- Motivational Speech, Interrupted -- A Freak Ephemera Storm -- When Ya Gotta Go... Ya Gotta Go -- Hoisted By Your Own Hand Grenade -- Having The Years Suction-Cupped Away -- Criss-Cross -- Turned Into A Person-Cocoon By The Touch Of A Little Girl's Mirror Doppleganger -- Satisfying Society's "Pop Princess" Blood-Lust -- Done In By The Doggie Door -- Tuned Out -- Taking the 107th Step -- Rescuing Gretchen -- Incinerated By Lousy Dialogue -- Starred & Striped Forever -- Vivisection Via Vaginally-Minded Barbed-Wire -- Chompers (Down There) -- Run Down By M. Night Shyamalan -- Everything Up To And Including The Kitchen Toaster -- Sacrificed To Kali -- Via The Gargantuan Venom Of The Black Mamba Snake -- Turned Into An Evil Robot -- The Out-Of-Nowhere Careening Vehicle Splat -- "Oh My God... It's Dip!!!" -- Critter Balled -- Stuff'd -- A Hot-Air Balloon Ride... Straight To Hell!!! -- Puppy Betrayal -- High-Heeled By A Girlfriend Impersonator -- Flip-Top Beheaded -- Because I'm Too Goddamned Beautiful To Live -- By Choosing... Poorly... -- Fried Alive Due To Baby Ingenuity -- A Good Old-Fashioned Tentacle Smothering -- Eepa! Eepa! -- Gremlins Ate My Stairlift -- An Icicle Thru The Eye -- Face Carved Off By Ghost Doctor After Lesbian Tryst With Zombie Women -- Electrocuted By Fallen Power-Lines -- A Mouthful Of Flare -- Taken By The TV Lady -- Bitten By A Zombie -- Eaten By Your Mattress -- Stuffed To Splitting -- Face Stuck In Liquid Nitrogen -- Crushed By Crumbling Church Debris -- Bitten By The Jaws Of Life -- A Machete To The Crotch -- Showering With A Chain-Saw -- In A Room Filled With Razor Wire -- Pod People'd With Your Dog -- Force-Fed Art -- Skinned By A Witch -- Beaten With An Oar -- Curbed -- Cape Malfunction -- In The Corner -- Cooked In A Tanning Bed -- Diced -- Punched Through The Head -- Bugs Sucking On Your Head

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