Transformers 3 in 300 Words or Less

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Because Michael Bay's Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon - why do I keep tormenting myself? Why can't I stay away from his movies? There's some kind of sick masochistic side of me just devoted to killing myself slowly with his ineptitude - isn't worth any more of my time, here's everything I tweeted while "watching" it. It says it all.

"Oh my GOD there were, people, lots of people, that argued the 3rd Transformers movie wasn't homicide for your eyeballs. SHAME ON THEM ALL. Every time I think Ive died + gone to hell a false angel shaped like Frances McDormand brings me back just long enough. Alright FUCK THIS SHIT Bill O'Reilly just showed up I am OUT OF HERE."

I then turned the movie off for ten minutes, went and had a very stiff drink, and (regrettably) came back.

"Wait is that Leonard Nimoy voicing Septictank Prime? Pretty sure everybodys script just had the title on it + they were told to improvise from there since they keep saying DARK SIDE OF THE MOON: "Hey look, it's a TRANSFORMER! Did you hear that something happened on the DARK SIDE OF THE MOON???!" says everyone. In an alternate cut of this movie, every single bone in Shia's body was just smashed into a trillion little crumbs, and it ended. Sigh. Okay this pissy bitch slappy spitting fight between Shia and Patrick Dempsey is kind of hot. Okay I'm pretty sure that Transformers 3 just alluded to the Holocaust and the Challenger explosion in a five minute period. Next up, 9/11? This movie needs a lot more of Frances McDormand listening intently to Shia delivering a line and then just saying, "What?" Brain... defeated... cannot... form... pithy... Twitter... witticisms... just want... to die..."

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Good Morning, World

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I know I've stated this before - really, I really have - but we with a q-tip fetish really are an under-served market. So I thank you, Patrick Dempsey. You're a giver.
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Do Dump or Marry - The V. Day Special

I will never never ever watch this Valentine's Day movie coming out this weekend. Let's just make sure that's straight. (Hrm... making straight... you mean like they do with Bradley Cooper's character in all the promo materials? Yes, I mean like that.) But I will take this opportunity to exploit a trio of the fellows in the movie. Cuz. And I going with the non-traditional-for-me* choices. So no Ashton Kutcher! No Bradley Cooper! And no... uh... Taylor Lautner? Yeah no Taylor Lautner, sure. (Fun fact: All of their names end in "er.")

Instead let's go with the following three,
cuz why the eff not:

That's Topher Grace, Patrick Dempsey, and Eric Dane. Venom and the Mc-Fill-in-the-Blanks from that Lady Doctor Program. Here are a couple more shots to help you sort out your desires..

Patrick Dempsey
(more here)


Eric Dane
(more of him here and here)


Topher Grace
(making out with Josh Duhamel here)

Well have at it. All in the name of love... or sex... or hate.
Do Dump or Marry the hell outta 'em.

*And obviously by "non-traditional-for-me" up there at the top I didn't mean anything other than "skinny dark-haired white males" though... let's not go crazy or anything!
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Patrick Dempsey Four Times

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Guy's Anatomy

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I don't even watch Grey's Anatomy, but that didn't stop me from enjoying this clip from the ABC Upfront Week presentation, in which Patrick "Dr. McDreamy" Dempsey, Isaiah Washington, and James Pickins Jr. take a shower together. I'm pretty easy, though.

My only question is, where the hell is Justin Chambers?


A man-on-man-on-man shower scene and they leave out the hottest piece of man-flesh on the show? Blasphemy! He and Dempsey lathering each other up would've scorched my retinas.

Anyway, here are some fuzzy screengrabs for your enjoyment:

Dakota Takes Over

This made me laugh and laugh. Dakota Fanning
really is... eerie. Preternatural. Haley-Joel-defying.

"I had a nightmare last night--about Dakota Fanning taking over the world! In my dream, I was living in Chicago and was best friends with Patrick Dempsey (who is hot shit). Dakota had already begun her plan to take over the world by brainwashing the writing team of One Life To Live to do her bidding. Then she set up shop in a mall, where she was using her reality warping powers to kill anyone that came near her! Patrick Dempsey and I infiltrated the mall, as we planned to kill Dakota and liberate the world from evil! Before we could get to her, Dakota locked us in the mall with some fat man, a business woman that looked like Elaine Stritch and a Cambodian manicurist! Then she killed them! At that point, my lazy ass took over and I told Patrick Dempsey that I was over this shit and gonna go shop for butter knives. I left him to take care of Dakota!"

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