11 Off My Head: RIP Joel Schumacher

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Joel Schumacher, the oft critically reviled director who slapped nipples on the Batman suit and probably did enough blow in the 1970s with his pal Halston to keep every drug dealer in the continental United States flush for a lifetime, has died at the age of 80. Honestly I kinda loved Joel, even though his movies often deserved their shit rep. I briefly met him at a party once and he was very nice! (But then I was 20 years old and, judging by his interest, probably his type.) Anyway I considered doing a list of my five favorite films of his -- and I could, because critically reviled or not he made some terrific movies (and yes, as I just recently mentioned I include Batman & Robin on that list of terrific movies.) But my first and best thought was of the most important gift he gifted us with, which was an obscene amount of cinematic male beauty over the years. Just astonishing amounts. Bless him.

11 of My Favorite Joel Schumacher Gratuities

Henry Cavill in Blood Creek

Jason Patric in The Lost Boys (more here)

Chris O'Donnell in Batman & Robin 

Colin Farrell in Tigerland (more here)

Matthew Davis in Tigerland (more here)

Rob Lowe in St Elmo's Fire

Billy Baldwin in Flatliners

Patrick Wilson in Phantom of the Opera

Cam Gigandet in Trespass

Billy Magnussen in Twelve (See more here)

Matthew McConaughey in A Time To Kill
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What are thoughts on Joel Schumacher?

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5 Off My Head: PG-13 For Bottoms

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A bit ago I railed against the rumor that Paramount is trying to cut the butts out of the Elton John bio-pic Rocketman -- the butts themselves, while no doubt very fine (I mean look at Richard Madden's), aren't really the point; the point is the gay male intimacy they're more than willing to jettison in favor of a sexless (yet financially successful) travesty like Bohemian Rhapsody. And it didn't even occur to me in the heat of the moment -- thanks to commenter Carl for pointing it out -- that PG-13 movies are fine with butts. (Hello PG rated Leonard Whiting in Romeo & Juliet, seen above.) This is all a thin gruel excuse, because a butt doesn't get you an R rating at all. In fact it's really very easy to think up multiple examples, so here are five I grabbed off the top of my head...

Cam Gigandet in Burlesque

Hugh Jackman in X-Men: Days of Future Past

Lou Diamond Phillips in La Bamba

(an important one for actual 13-year-old me)

Ewan McGregor in The Ghost Writer

Daniel Craig in Casino Royale,

complete with child-friendly ball torture sequence

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What are your fave PG-13 Butts?

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Happy New Years Baby

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Short of posting pictures of actors wearing diapers, which is a google search I just don't have any desire to make, seems to me a fine way to ring in the New Years a la the iconic Baby New Year is to steal our own Father's Day tradition and post some pictures of Hollywood's biggest DILFs with their adorable little ones standing in for Baby 2015-to-be.

Have a great one, everybody! 

And hit the jump for a little gallery...

This Little Piggy Went Wee Wee Wee

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I feel as if it's very important that we get the word spread far and we get the word spread wide that there is a movie called Bad Johnson that stars Cam Gigandet as a man who momentarily wishes his trouble-making penis away, only to have his penis actually then go away and more than that then transform into the form of an adult-sized man, played by the also attractive Nick Thune, who then proceeds to wreak havoc on Cam's penis-less life by getting all freaky with lots of ladies. So the penis has a penis? What if the penis' penis decides it wants out? Where does the rabbit hole end? More importantly...

... will Cam ever find love again? (Love meaning penis.) I feel as if there are a lot of things I could say about this movie, this Bad Johnson movie. But really you should just watch the trailer. Words are all beside the point. (via)

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Oh and this is the poster:

I wish the tag-line was "Piece Out" personally.

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Good Morning, World

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Waking up to that wouldn't be so bad a start to the morning, eh? I was going to ask what the hell Cam Gigandet's been up to, here on the occasion of his 31st birthday, but then I checked IMDb and I saw that he's got approximately nine, yes nine, films in some state of production. So he's keeping busy, which no doubt is keeping things tight. Good for him.

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Cam Décolletage

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(pic via) I think Cam Gigandet's costume for his new movie is a little bit conservative, don't you? I mean, what's with the pants? Why are there pants there? And if pants have to be there, they couldn't have gotten ever so precisely torn up like that tank-top did? I want a Wild Wild West type situation up in here!

Good Morning, World

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A happy 30 to Cam "carved from granite" Gigandet today - a boy whose name I will never ever get the hang of how it's spoken. I have tried, I have failed, I have totally given up. Anyway here are a couple recentish pics I've not seen before from Flaunt magazine that prove he's not the hairless little muscle sprite he's been pretending to be. I guess fatherhood brought out the beast!

Happy DILF Day

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Good Morning, World

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It's no Famous Amos moment, but these shots of Cam Gigandet getting out of a pool in Joel Schumacher's apparently terrible Trespass aren't anything to sneeze at.

Priest in 150 25 Words or Less

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Priest proves how relative saying "It's better than Legion!" can be.

Practically unwatchable. Your eyeballs glaze right over.

Get your shit in order, Paul Bettany.

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There's No Beating Paul Bettany's Abs

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But that ain't gonna stop Kristen Wiig and Co. from trying, and man I hope they succeed!

I haven't bothered looking up box office predictions for this weekend, let me just cram hot needles into my eyes first and then I'll get to that favorite thing of mine right after that, but I've seen some chatter about Priest maybe doing well...? God, no. Who wants to see that thing? it looks so bad. There was a hot minute when I first heard about it, and Karl Urban and Cam Gigandet joined Bettany in the cast, that it sounded good on paper. But then I saw Legion, and then I saw Priest's trailers, and it just looks absolutely dire to me. DIRE. And no doubt the glimpse of him shirtless that you see in the trailer seen there will be the extent of it. They played me that way with Legion too! Fool me twice, shame on us all.

And Bridesmaids looks so good! And it's getting terrific reviews! Why would anyone on Earth choose post-converted-3D vampire-dreck over a retching Melissa McCarthy? I can't even comprehend it. 

Yadda yadda, head over to Celebrity Beehive where I speak upon these two films and all the other coming out this weekend.

Cam Gigandet Four Times

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(via)

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Bettany & Gigandet Set To Tag-Team Karl Urban

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I am liking this Priest movie more and more by the day. Via DH:

"Karl Urban has signed on to play the villain in the post-apocalyptic horror thriller "Priest" for Screen Gems says The Hollywood Reporter.

Based on the TokyoPop comic, the story is set in a world ravaged by war between man and vampires. Paul Bettany stars as a warrior priest and vampire fighter who teams with a sheriff (Cam Gigandet) and warrior priestess (Maggie Q) to track down a murderous band of vampires who have kidnapped his niece.

Urban plays Black Hat, the evil leader of the bloodsuckers who was once a priest and hunter but now fancies himself a god of vampires."

Perhaps you'll note how easily I ignore Maggie Q.'s presence in my post-titling coupling-fantasies. Easy peasy! But she can watch. Bring them water when they come up for air. Whatever. Ahem! Here's one more picture of Cam because I stumbled upon it while looking up pictures for this post and found it to be... agreeable.

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Blond Meets Blonder

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It's an epic duel to see who can skinny down further and out-blond the other! Via THR:

"Cam Gigandet will star opposite Paul Bettany in "Priest," a horror Western that Scott Stewart is directing for Screen Gems.

Adapted by Cory Goodman from a TokyoPop comic book, "Priest" is set in a world ravaged by centuries of war between man and vampires and follows a warrior priest (Bettany) who turns against the church to track down a murderous band of vampires who have kidnapped his niece.

Gigandet plays a young wasteland sheriff who is part vampire. He partners with Bettany to save the girl he loves, the niece. That latter part has yet to be cast.

... Gigandet, repped by WME Entertainment, is filming Screen Gems' thriller "The Roommate" with Leighton Meester and Minka Kelly. The actor is coming off of winning an MTV Movie Award for best fight, awarded for his work in "Twilight." Gigandet won the award the previous year for "Never Back Down," making him the only actor to win it in back-to-back years."

Don't you just love they felt the need to play up that last tidbit? He's the only actor to have won the Best Fight award at the MTV Movie Awards in back-to-back years! Take that, Meryl Streep, you fucking has-been! There's a new award-magnet in town!

Anyway, Bettany and Gigandet, unless there's some hair-dye happening, sure do make for an awfully Aryan duo, don't they? If they cast a blond actress in the female role not yet cast we'll all in the audience go collectively blind from the light reflecting off of their manes. Perhaps that's how they fight the undead? The light from their hair turns them instantly to ash. It's brilliant!
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Cam Gigandet Four Times

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First person to explain how to pronounce
his last name gets a cookie.
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