The Grand Hot Witch

I don't know why I keep watching Wednesday, I think it mostly sucks save some fun casting -- I do like Jenna Ortega but it's Gwendoline Christie, Heather Matarazzo, and that little weirdo Evie Templeton who keep me coming back. That said this last run of mediocre episodes had me thinking I might be giving up that ghost altogether... but Tim Burton's gone and dragged me back in! My beloved Eva Green has been cast as Morticia's sister Aunt Ophelia, a character who has been teased several times -- I cannot, will not, ever say no to Eva. She elevates everything she touches and working with Burton again will surely bring out her delicious witchy ways once more. Aww now I wanna go watch Penny Dreadful again. Hey remember when Josh Hartnett went gay all of a sudden? Good times, good times...

I Know You're Criterion But What Am I

Criterion said to us that "Yes, the world is depressing right now, so we're gonna do something absolutely wonderful for you," with today's announcement of their December line-up -- Tim Burton's 1985 first film and perhaps his greatest masterpiece Pee-wee's Big Adventure is entering the Collection in 4K on December 16th. Just in time for Christmas! No I checked and Pee-wee's Christmas Special isn't included in the extras -- missed opportunity! But with such an abundant gift on its own terms who cares. I'll admit my first thought upon seeingn this news was, "Dammit I should have gotten to write the essay for that" -- if ever I was gonna write an essay for a blu-ray booklet this would've been the one. If anybody releases Muriel's Wedding without consulting me I'm gonna start setting fires dammit. But what a beautiful way to start a week! Fuck all the negativity in the news -- for at least a few minutes while we greet this. Paul Reubens has always had that effect -- pure magic.

But obviously that's not it for December -- the magic continues with, first and foremost (or rather second and second-most I suppose, after Pee-wee) a four film box-set by the artist Man Ray! Four surrealist shorts from the 1920s titled Le retour à la raison, Emak bakia, L’étoile de mer, and Les mystères du château du dé, this is no doubt related to the big show of Man Ray's art that just opened at The Met here in NYC. I think I saw some of these in film school back in the day but it's been awhile since film school (cough cough turns to dust) so these will no doubt feel new to me. I plan on going to The Met show this upcoming weekend. Love me some Man Ray surrealism. Next up there's Spike Lee's filmed version of David Byrne's American Utopia show that was on Broadway a couple of years back -- I might be one of the few Talking Heads fanatics who really wasn't into American Utopia -- generally people loved it. And I'll no doubt give it another chance at some point.

After that we've got the sweeping 1945 Scottish Highlands love story I Know Where I'm Going! from the geniuses Powell & Pressberger dropping in 4K on December 9th -- I actually can't recall if I've seen this one before or not? I went through a big P&P phase like 20 years ago and binged whatever I could get my hands on so a lot of the ones I haven't seen since then have sorta blended together. Any fans? Next comes Mira Nair's first film Salaam Bombay, which I know for certain I've never seen -- and I'm sure this was in the works well before her spectacular son Zohran Mamdani was set to be NYC's next mayor, but I love the timing anyway! And finally their fifth release for the holiday month is a 4K upgrade of the sparkling comedy masterpiece His Girl Friday starring Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell -- you know, just one of the greatest rom-coms ever made. 

Eyes Up Here!

I'm sure several of you brainiacs have long been familiar with the 1956 Japanese science-fiction film Warning From Space but I only found out about it this week and watched it on Prime last night and here we are, interupting our regularly scheduled beefcake parade to recommend this wild and wackadoo piece of vintage WTF-ery. The copy that's on Prime is good, a perfectly fine way to first experience the film, but I have to wager the blu-ray that Arrow put out in 2020 is probably even better and you can buy that right here if you're a maniac like me (which yes translates to "I bought this blu ray halfway through watching it on streaming because it was rocking me so hard.") Anyway -- just what the hell is this movie? 

Glad you asked. It's about a race of starfish aliens with one big eye in their centers who beam down to Earth, immediately realize they're hideously ugly and so they then morph into a cabaret singer (I mean obviously) so they can deliver their message of imminent doom to humanity. From there it all gets a little bit Melancholia, a little bit Threads, and yes I am indeed naming some of the darkest movies you can imagine because it really gets that dark at times. But I'd also include Tin Burton's Mars Attacks! to the mix -- hell even David Lynch seems like he might've been influenced by this movie. It's super weird while also absolutely gorgeous to look at in that midcentury sci-fi kinda way.  Point being I'm 100% obsessed with it now and I am here recommending y'all take the trip yourselves if you haven't already. And if you have tell me you're obsessed too in the comments so we can bond over it please!  

Cannot believe WARNING FROM SPACE only entered my life today - I am going to have to spend every day for the rest of my life making up for its absence

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— Jason Adams (@jamnpp.bsky.social) April 24, 2025 at 9:50 PM

The Ghost With Even More Most

Extremely happy to say that I enjoyed the hell out of Tim Burton's 36-years-in-the-making Beetlejuice Beetlejuice -- head on over to Pajiba now to read my review now or even better after you've gone to see the movie in the theater yourself. I hope it makes a heap of money this weekend because this is a "legacy sequel" done right. Even if I really hate the term "legacy sequel." The movie might be all over the place but that's totally true to the wacky spirit of the original -- people complained the same thing about the original and yet I have watched that movie enough times to have it memorized from start to finish. Bring on the Winona-ssaince!

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

 ... you can learn from:

Beetlejuice (1988)

Delia: Please. They're dead. It's a little late to be neurotic.

A happy 70 to the legend Catherine O'Hara! I'm so happy 
she's showing up in the sequel. We demand more Delia, dammit.

Say My Name Say My Name

I still don't really know how to feel about a Beetlejuice sequel -- the first movie was formative for me even besides the formative goth content since it was the first movie I went to see in a movie theater without my parents; it holds a very special place in my heart and I have seen it approximately a gazzilion times. But we're getting this so we'd best prepare ourselves and this teaser poster (via) -- which is apaprently telling us the title of it is Beetlejuice Beetlejuice (which is practically begging for a third film, right?) -- is a good way to start. We'll probably get a trailer or a teaser at least too soon, I would guess, even though the film itself isn't out until September 6th. It does quiet some of the darker voices in my head that Burton got everybody that matters to return -- meaning Winona and O'Hara and Keaton, oh my -- although I admit I'd love to see at least Geena Davis too. But the additions of Monica Belluci, Justin Theroux, Burn Gorman, Jenna Ortega, and Willem f'ing Dafoe are promising as well. Who knows! Tim Burton is so hit or miss or miss or miss or miss these days. Let's hope he's on his game here.

Hunter Doohan Three More Times

Three more photos from Wednesday actor Hunter Doohan's shoot for Calvin Klein have made themselves known to us (via) and I dutifully pass them along to you! See the other eight I passed along last week right here. As can be seen in the comments of that previous post -- I didn't know Mr. Doohan was a married homosexual! What a delight. Having genuine gays to root for makes the world go round. See also:

If you’re gonna rub it in, Zane and Froy, let’s be literal pic.twitter.com/K3PfvrAZby

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) August 1, 2023

Hunter Doohan Eight Times

I somehow still haven't watched Wednesday, so I don't know anything about actor Hunter Doohan except he was on that show, and now that he just posted these photos of himself modeling for Calvin Klein yesterday. So a total of two things, but that's enough for a post, right? Sure. Of course. It's more reasons than I have for 75% of my posts to be honest. Hit the jump for the photos...

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Edward Scissorhands (1990)

Esmerelda: Trample down the perversion of nature!

A happy 73rd birthday to the terrific character actress O-Lan Jones, who you should recognize from a million places -- Seinfeld, Natural Born Killers, Married to the Mob, the list just goes on and on -- but who always makes me personally think of the Tim Burton two-fer of the above movie and Mars Attacks! You always know you're in for a treat when she pops up in something. Does she make you think of any specific movie or TV show when you see her?

5 Off My Head: Denizens of the Dead

It's the 35th anniversary of one of my lifetime favorite movies, Tim Burton's Beetlejuice. This is the first movie I was allowed to see in the theater without a parent -- I vividly remember my mom dropping me off at the theater and feeling like the biggest grown-up boy in all the land! And even more so whenever they showed Alec Baldwin from the back in those khakis...

Formative khakis! Anyway I've seen this movie more times than I could ever keep track of, and I've posted about it here on the site twice as many, so what is there left to say at this point? Well actually, I found something. This is one of Burton's richest worlds creatively (which is why it remains mind-boggling they still haven't made a sequel) and there's somebody in some small role to fawn over in nearly every frame. We all love Juno and Otho and all the well-known and quoted weirdos -- but what about the bit-parts? Here are five of my faves!

5 Fun Beetlejuice Bit Parts

The dog that kills Adam and Barbara -- Look at that sweet little face! Who'd have guessed that that sweet little face covers up the soul of a cold-blooded murderer? Well that's what the bastard (or perhaps the bitch) is. Just sauntering off as our heroes drown, not a care in the world. I bet that dog leaves a trail of corpses littered in its wake across Winter River, Connecticut. I bet that dog crashed the airplane that killed all those hot dead football players in Juno's office. That dog must be stopped!

Beryl (Adelle Lutz) -- She always makes me think of that picture on the right of a hairless cat. I don't know why. But I hope to pass this brain disease along to as many people as possible a la the curse from The Ring's videotape. 

The Devil Hookers -- I mean, obviously.

The Janitor (Simmy Bow) -- The dead janitor in the hallway of Juno's office who tells the Maitlands about the exorcized souls trapped in limbo is played by the same actor who tells Pee-wee Herman the story of "Large Marge" in Pee-wee's Big Adventure. I love that he's kind of an afterlife exposition delivery system for Tim Burton Movies. Sad / weird side-note: he died before Beetlejuice came out so playing a ghoul was his last role. 

Old Bill (Hugo Stanger) the barber -- I bet y'all thought I would go with one of the smashed-apart weirdos that populate Juno's office right? The flat guy with the tire-tracks or the fairy woman with the slit wrists. Well nope! I feel like Old Bill deserves his moment. The way he says, "Jus... just trim it a little" always makes me laugh for some reason. He died not long after Beetlejuice came out too. A fitting note to end on!

What are your favorite Beetlejuice bits?

Happy Valentines Day

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn 

is just to love and be loved in return."

Love to you all on this dumb ass holiday!

A Jolt From My Electrodes

A couple of weeks ago I directed y'all to a list I made at Mashable of "The 11 Scariest Movies on Streaming" that I made -- well this weekend I made a list of its exact opposite, and if you click on over to Mashable I have written up a list of "10 Not Scary Horror Movies" that are streaming. These are for those of you (cough wusses cough) who want to partake in the ghoulish time of year but don't like being actively terrified by your movie experiences. They're more "Monster Mash" vibes than they are Thriller" basically. They're all fun movies, along with one of my all-time faves...

I will find any excuse I can seize to sell Paperhouse https://t.co/sewaAsJDYD pic.twitter.com/veKW7OlA6v

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) October 24, 2022

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

 ... you can learn from:

Island of Lost Souls (1932)

Dr. Moreau: What is the law?

Sayer of the Law: Not to eat meat,

that is the law. Are we not men?

Beasts: Are we not men?

Dr. Moreau: What is the law?

Sayer of the Law: Not to go on all fours,

that is the law. Are we not men?

Beasts: Are we not men?

Dr. Moreau: What is the law?

Sayer of the Law: Not to spill blood,

that is the law. Are we not men?

Beasts: Are we not men?

If you've never seen Erle C. Kenton's 1932 adaptation of The Island of Dr. Moreau I highly recommend it -- it is some truly fucked up shit. Charles Laughton makes for a spectacular Moreau and his experiments... really the stuff of nightmares. This one snuck in before the Hayes Code and you can tell! Criterion has the film on blu-ray and it's streaming on their Channel right now too. A great Halloween watch! But we're here for the "Sayer of the Law" quoted above, aka one Mr. Bela Lugosi (yes that is Count Dracula under all of that fur), who was born 140 years ago today!

I'll admit I've always been more of a Boris Karloff fan and I find Tod Browning's original Dracula film dreadfully dull (not that it isn't stuffed to the gills with iconic imagery and atmosphere, of course) but Martin Landau's magnificent performance as Bela in Tim Burton's Ed Wood gave me, as I am sure it did many of you, a lot of empathy and love for the man.

And the more of his movies that I've come to watch the more I've come to appreciate his slyness. He did always have that twinkle in his eye. My favorite recent first-viewing was of Edgar G. Ulmer's 1934 film The Black Cat, which has both Bela and Boris in it and involves Satan worship -- it's a trip! Stylish and silly and weirdly sexy? Very highly recommended. (And it's also on Criterion right now!)

5 Off My Head: The Pfeiffer Lady

The one and the only Michelle Pfeiffer, who is turning 64 today, can be seen at the moment on Showtime's The First Lady series, giving in my consideration the best performance on the show as Betty Ford -- I'll admit up front that I went into the show being pretty unfamiliar with Betty Ford, besides the the Cliff's Notes stuff with regards to alcoholism etc, so I don't have a person in my head that I have been comparing her to. But she's giving by far the most human and grounded performance...

... on the series, which is admittedly a bit of a mess. (Oh Viola, what are you doing?) Anyway what's new -- Michelle literally never puts in a bad turn, and yet she continually goes under-appreciated. I'm just glad she's working consistently again after taking so much time off to be with and raise her kids. So let's celebrate her here on her birthday today, with a list I am shocked to admit I've never done before...

My 5 Favorite Michelle Pfeiffer Performances

Selina Kyle, Batman Returns

"It's the so-called 'normal' guys who always let you down. 

Sickos never scare me. Least they're committed."

Angela de Marco, Married to the Mob

"Everything we own fell off a truck!"

Woman, mother!

"This is all just... setting."

The Countess Ellen Olenska, The Age of Innocence

"Don't make love to me. 

Too many people have done that."

Elvira, Scarface

"Don't toot your horn, honey, 

you're not that good."

Runners-up: French Exit, Where is Kyra,

The Fabulous Baker Boys, Stardust

What are your favorite Pfeiffer performances?

Despite All Its Rage It's Still Just a Bat in a Cave

When the first images from Matt Reeves' The Batman appeared, with Robert Pattinson's flat-ironed bangs and guy-liner look on full display, the word "Emo" was thrown around a lot. And it was hard not to see a lot of that insta-tude as aggro fanboy discomfort with the one-time vampire twink stepping into the dudely thigh-high leather-boots of their favorite masked vigilante tough guy. Nevermind that Pattinson has proven himself a versatile and delightfully unhinged presence in several slightly more obscure projects since, your Good Times and your Lighthouses and your what have yous -- had Pattinson proven himself guy-friendly enough to take over their favorite bat-franchise? Wring your patent-leather gloves, fanboys -- wring 'em but good!

I instinctually recoiled at the brah spectacle of all that, and found myself hoping our twinkly lil' RPattz would give us the goth kid with painted fingernails and the half-mile stare of angsty ennui that bat boy Bruce Wayne has always had coming... so it's with great and terrible dismay that I must report to you today that The Batman's a howler. Halfway to the bad sort of camp that hurts your brain, there's no so-bad-it's-fun Joel Schumacher or Adam West Bat-theatrics (Colin Farrell notwithstanding, and I'll get to him) to save our spirits from the crushing weight of this unwieldy thing that's trying so hard every single second until it suffocates every inch of life from itself. This movie is endless, it's got one bat-foot in the door of being entirely humorless, and it's one of the single most exhausting movie experiences I've had in quite some time. Please change the Bat-channel!

Things start out smart enough, with the film dropping us straight into the middle of Bruce Wayne's career as the Caped Crusader under ye olde cowl -- we hear about his long-passed gazillionaire parents' murder on the news, but we're not forced to sit through any soggy alleyway origin stories for the ten thousandth time; an incredibly decent choice on the filmmaker's part. But unfortunately for all of us the filmmakers didn't stop cutting things there -- I mean, why get to know who Bruce Wayne is at all? Or any of the characters, for that matter? Pattinson must spend a good 90% of this movie in the suit, and remains a cypher either way, inside and out. Apparently The Batman decided that what the people actually want instead is nearly three hours of the most glaringly obvious "detective story" noir nonsense since Kevin Spacey walked into a police station and screamed "I DID IT." (Not this time; the other time.)

Yes I bring up David Fincher's Seven because Matt Reeves has, judging by this movie, apparently spent the last nigh on thirty years doing just that to anyone who will listen -- after watching The Batman I feel as if there might possibly be a long line of triggered therapists and/or exes in his life who shudder at the mere mention of that 1995 serial-killer film. The Batman plays like one long (so so long) riff on it all. See here Jeffrey Wright giving us Morgan Freeman realness as Detective Gordon! See there, Paul Dano giving us the most watered-down PG-13 Jigsaw-tinged Riddler as John Doe nonsense ever put on-screen! Whereas Seven's devious games left marks scratched onto my psyche to this day, the riddles of The Riddler, with their dime-store greeting-card histrionics, are about as frightening as a frown drawn on a detached baby-doll-head. 

Truly cornball stuff rendered limp by not just the studio-imposed rating but, well, literally everything about them. Dano's weaksauce performance doesn't help. The derivative way the Riddler's videos are shot; the clunky obviousness of the plotting. If I had to sit through another scene where we watch Batman walk, and walk, and walk, and walk, and walk out of the shadows inside another dilapidated dank room all so he could molest more criminal evidence that would then point arrows in the most obvious directions to exactly the place you know all of this is going from the first frame, I was gonna toss myself through one of those ten thousand windows covered with newspapers that every single set of this film was designed with. 

And the worst part about it was they did all of this while pretending they had something profound to say about government and police corruption, only to, like Danny Torrance cleaning up his footprints in the snow behind him, obliterate anything interesting about any of that every step of the way. The film doesn't just want to have its cake and eat it too -- it wants Zoe Kravitz (an electric performer reduced to a haircut and a hip swivel amid several reenactments of scenes that Michael Keaton and Michelle Pfeiffer did leagues better in Batman Returns three full decades ago) to pop up every so often, speak the words "white male privilege," and then disappear again until they need somebody to wear a micro-mini and gesture towards off-screen implied bisexuality.

The only person having any fun whatsoever in this dour soul-excavating exercise is Colin Farrell, once again as he did with Daredevil in 2003 strutting through and sparking life where superhero dreams have otherwise gone to die ignominious deaths. It's tempting to say that Farrell must have felt freed under all the latex they slather him in to play Oswald "Oz" Cobblepot née The Penguin, all of which renders him entirely unrecognizable. But Farrell's never been a performer who needed such affectations to do his magical thing before, and instead this performance becomes a testament to his skill despite the pointless obstacles the filmmakers have thrown in his way. There was no need not to hire an actor who wouldn't have needed a scarred-up fat-suit for the role -- I could name you twenty actors who would've relished the opportunity to bite into the only fun role in the whole damn movie. But Farrell, bless him, makes his every moment count nonetheless.

And (let's say some good things) despite the secondhand nature of the movie's look there's still a lot to love within DP Greig Fraser's artful frames; the one action sequence that stands out amid this self-serious slog of a film involves a car-chase with Batman in his Batmobile (now souped-up to give it some serious Mad Max Fury Road energy) and it's a ballet of bonkers red lights and fire and rain-streaked highways that are almost worth the price of admission. But no, that's five minutes dropped down in the middle of one-hundred-and-seventy-six of them. And while the sequence looks great it still manages to feel like an echo of things that we've seen before -- not just the similar chase sequence in Batman Returns (just without any of the delightful goofiness of Danny DeVito's Penguin bouncing around in a kiddie quarter-ride) and not just the Joker's legendary night-time joyride in Nolan's Dark Knight. But also the aforementioned Fury Road itself, and woe be unto the filmmaker that dares to summon up nods towards George Miller -- you will always come up looking small in comparison, and The Batman's certainly not the one to undo those expectations.

The thing is in theory all of Reeves' choices seem like good ideas to me to reintroduce the character in a fresh way -- leaning into the hard-edged detective noir angle of the comics is a good idea! But when your mystery can be unraveled by everybody just looking up one time instead of looking down, well then maybe you should recalculate. Batman's just allowed to blunder through obvious revelation after obvious revelation played to the absolute back of the room -- hell it's played for somebody watching the movie on their phone across the room during a lightning storm. The puzzle pieces add up because they're all exact squares -- every character a boxed-in bore, edgy as a Happy Meal.

Can This Candy Man Can

Of course most people's immediate reactions to today's news that Timothée Chalamet will be starring in a Willy Wonka prequel -- titled just Wonka -- has been to think of Gene Wilder's classic performance in the 1971 film, and I get that. But I have to admit that my first thought reading this news was actually of Johnny Depp, and this is coming from someone who's watched the 1971 film dozens of times and Tim Burton's abysmal remake starring Depp exactly once and that was one too many times. (Except for Missi Pyle, who was very funny, because when isn't Missi Pyle funny?) No I thought of Depp because Timmy's path keeps crossing with Depp, and Johnny Depp would not have been my first thought (or hope) if I was the person mapping out Timmy's adult career. 

First and foremost there is of course the fact that Timmy dated Johnny's daughter Lily-Rose for awhile (I can't remember if they're still together), but there was also that Edward Scissorhands themed commercial that had Timmy playing OG Edward's son opposite Winona Ryder. The first time I thought of the two as linked was that uber-goth acting video Timmy did for The New York Times in 2017 during the awards-run for Call Me By Your Name -- it was very Sleepy Hollow, and if you wanna talk about a role you can picture Timmy in with great ease then I recommend you mentally face-map him onto Ichabod Crane. Real easy!

Anyway I don't think most people think Timmy is the problem with the Wonka news -- this rumor went around in January anyway, and everybody seemed to agree that Chalamet was a better pick than the other stated option on deck, Spider-twink Tom Holland. I think most people's problems with this news is just a lack of need with regards to this project in general. Who's thirsting for this movie? Hollywood seems real in love right now with Origin Stories a la the Cruella movie coming out any day now and I'll agree, they're just so lazy. If there's one good bit of news here it's that Paul King, the guy who directed the two Paddington movies, is directing this, and those movies unexpectedly ruled.

King of Candy

Did you hear the rumor going around earlier this week that the folks at WB are thinking about making a Willy Wonka prequel movie -- meaning they would like to tell the story of Lil' Willy and how he came to be the King of Chocolate... not to mention the slaver of untold Oompa Loompa millions -- and that the two names in contention for the lead-role are the Spider-twink Tom Holland and the peach-fucker Timothee Chalamet? Before I get to my logic in my own choice between those names I will just ask you to choose...

free polls

As for me I personally think, out of those two names, that Timmy's the better pick. I love Tom but there's something unabashedly normal and practical about him, which works well for his Peter Parker, grounding him inside the MCU's big flights of fancy. Hhe brings a ton of heart to the films, which is why the end of Infinity War is such a gut-punch. But as great as that is I don't think any of those qualities are what you want from a Young Wonka? Timmy's got the boyish enthusiasm but at an angle -- a little wacky, off-center, too much. He'd be a better fit, in my own humble pie opinion. Although it must be said...

pic.twitter.com/r689flzhrS

— rachel syme (@rachsyme) January 19, 2021

A Kiss Can Be Even Deadlier...

Around 1pm this afternoon my brain took a long hard look at me sitting here at my desk, said, "Fuck you, sucker," packed its bags and skedaddled. Oh well! I figured today would be a wash -- last day before a break usually is. And here's where I usually say, Ohh sure there's a chance I might pop in... and then I never do it. So I'm just gonna set aside the bullshit this one time, we've had enough in 2020 -- real talk, MNPP's gonna be in mothballs until January 3rd when I'm back and better than whatever! 

But that doesn't mean there's nothing to read. I'll no doubt be tweeting for one (god forbid I break that disgusting habit), and for another there are 15 full years of rambling content just sitting there in our archives. You can choose from many a topic over there on the site's right-hand column, ranging from posts about Jake Gyllenhaal's chest hair to posts about Jake Gyllenhaal's butt, and everything in between. 

Oh and while you're over there in the right-hand column I'll remind y'all that we've got a "Donate" button perched there too -- I thankfully don't have to survive off of this website (oh my god I'd be so dead) but tips always feel like lil' nods of encouragement (I'm capitalist that way) and are deeply appreciated every damn time. As are nice comments! You can leave some of them here too. I'd love most especially to hear what you're watching over the holidays. For my part I wish every single one of you the happiest of late Decembers -- please stay safe, wear a mask, watch a good movie, and have an orgasm or two. Doesn't even have to be in that order. Bye til the 3rd...