FISH WITH HUMAN HANDS ATTACKED ME!

"Terror stalked the lonely Nicaraguan beach when the Monster appeared from the sea."

As a follow-on to last week's review of Bob Deis and Wyatt Doyle's great new collection, I WATCHED THEM EAT ME ALIVE!, offered today is a little outre gem of a story from the first issue of TRUE WEIRD (November 1955). As you may know from one of my earlier posts, TW was published by physical fitness and health entrepreneur, Joe Weider, along with help from his gorgeous wife and popular figure model, Betty Brosmer.

The TRUE WEIRD (and later, TRUE STRANGE) stories are an interesting combination similar to the type found in men's adventure magazines with a touch of Ripley's Believe It Or Not added for "authenticity".

The cover story from TRUE WEIRD #1 is titled "'Fish' With Human Hands Attacked Me!". Told by Arthur A. Dunn, the story eschews the "I was there...", first-person account that such a story screams out for (although the "victim" does explain the encounter as it happened), and instead, opts for a narrative more akin to a straight news story. As a result, while still interesting to read, it lacks the thrilling urgency that made so many of the men's adventure magazine stories notable.

The feature is derived from a news story that appeared in the Spring of 1954 as a dispatch from Porto Cabezas, Nicaragua (located on the North Caribbean Coast of the country) which flatly stated: "Senorita Madeline Fuercova, visiting friends at nearby Bragman's Bluff, on the Atlantic side of the Central American republic, today claimed to have narrowly escaped an attack by three strange fish. Each fish, she said, had the head of a toad, the chest of a man, and instead of fins, arms like a human being."

The account was related by the "beautiful" Miss Fuercova, who said that she had been skin diving for fish with a spear when the creatures -- who she thought at first were sharks -- approached her. One of them came close enough to her, and when it appeared to grab for her, she noticed that it had a human hand instead of a fin. She jabbed her spear at the would-be assailant, and after a few moments and more spear-jabbing, they swam off. She returned to the beach where she told reporters, "I guess I fainted."

The article goes on to tell the history of a number of other strange creatures who have been pulled out of the sea with inexplicable appendages and other features that make them appear more human than fish. The point of the story is made that many "weird" things that have been living in the oceans for perhaps millions of years have yet to be discovered by man (insert echo chamber voice over here).

Not quite the tale that we expect, especially when the illustrations, drawn by Warren Knight, dramatize Fuercova's narrative. Still, a fascinating story and worthy of the "weirdness" contained in TRUE WEIRD.

Some have compared the description of the sea creatures to that of the gill-man in CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON (Universal), which ironically was released just the year before this story was published. I happen to think that the description is right out of H.P. Lovecraft's short story, "The Shadow Over Innsmouth" and the fish-men here resemble the "Deep Ones". The Deep Ones are described in Lovecraft's story as men who have evolved into fish as a result of a genetic disorder, and who are denizens of Devil Reef which lies just off the coast of the cursed town of Innsmouth (a fictionalized version of Newburyport, Massachusetts).

So, were the "fish with human hands" a wild tale cooked up by a Nicaraguan beauty in a bikini, or were these things real, stalking the waters and waiting for the chance to make a meal out of an unsuspecting human?

As previously mentioned, the story is written by Arthur A. Dunn and illustrated by Warren Knight. The cover of TRUE WEIRD #1 further exploits the tale quite effectively with a painting by prolific pulp artist, Clarence Doore. Along with the full story shown here, scanned from my personal copy of the magazine, is the original, 16"x 22" oil on board painting of the cover, which was sold at auction in October, 2015, for $18,750.00. 

'I WATCHED THEM EAT ME ALIVE!' REVIEWED

"I lost both hands to the wrists, a slice of my left buttock, and most of my scalp. And the vision of my right eye. That, too. There were a thousand deaths on Arnhem Land but ours was the worst. Not even a cannibal stew pot could quite compare with it."              - Flying Rodents Ripped My Flesh by Lloyd Parker

I WATCHED THEM EAT ME ALIVE
Killer Creatures in Men's Magazines
(The Men's Adventure Library Journal)
Editors: Robert Deis and Wyatt Doyle
Publisher: #New Texture
Publication Date: July, 2017
Cover: Hardback self-cover
Pages: 126
Price: $24.95

My first "exposure" to men's adventure magazines, besides seeing them tucked in the magazine rack at our local liquor store (hey, they had comics there, too!), was at my friend's house across the street. His uncle was living there at the time, and, along with the PLAYBOYs on his nightstand was the odd assortment of men's adventure magazines. With their colorful cover imagery and titles like STAG (what was that?) and the forbidden-sounding FOR MEN ONLY, it was hard for us to resist taking a peek at them whenever said uncle was absent from the household.

Even this 10-year old's near-zero knowledge of the topic could see that, while the "girlie" photos that were sprinkled throughout these magazine were hardly up to to the quality of PLAYBOY, the other stuff that was in them was an entirely different story. Here were full page and two-page spreads of illustrations, many strangely tinted with a dull, pumkin-y orange color (that I would later recognize as a duo tone illustration technique), depicting various scenes of women in bed, in peril, etc., all showing just enough to raise this youngster's temperature as much as the fold-outs in PLAYBOY. What added to the thrill was that many of these illustrations were battle scenes with soldiers in dramatic action poses alongside more women in island sarongs -- or what was left of them. The combination of the girlie magazines and these others, together with my friend's growing collection of monster magazines, always left me with a mixed-up mental panoply of pop culture craziness!

Fast-forward 40 or so years later, to the present, where these very same men's adventure magazines, after morphing in the '80s into the burgeoning "skin mag" industry, enjoy a resurgence when several collections of the covers, stories and illustrations are made available.

Now, editors Robert Deis and Wyatt Doyle lead the charge in offering readers a first-hand glimpse into the violent, bloody, tawdry and sexy stories that were contained in the pulp magazines designed for red-blooded males that flooded the magazine racks with dozens of titles in liquor stores and newsstands for well over a decade.

Collected in their latest "Men's Adventure Library Journal" are tales of killer animals, beasts and creatures from air, land and sea, all with the fury, blood-lust and appetite for human flesh. What makes these stories extra shocking (and entertaining) is that the creatures attack without warning, without reason and are willing to fight to the death to obtain their next meal.

It is a current assumption that men's adventure magazines (MAMs) predominantly contained stories about Nazi sadists and Imperial Japanese devils. But stories about animal attacks were more numerous, and many times, more terrifying. In his introduction, Deis explains: "Most animal attack stories in MAMs -- including those that may initially seem like they'd be 'funny as hell' -- are dark action/adventure tales and bloody as hell. In most cases, they are essentially horror stories." 

Doyle opines: "Their horror [animal attack stories] is rooted in primal impulses, rational and irrational fears, and phobias of animals both large and small."

So, what we have here is a collection of the '50s version of When Animals Attack, only served up with a dose of adrenaline-fueled bloodletting and mutilation. The stories are unapologetic and unbridled, and once you start reading them you can't put this book down -- sort of like the text version of driving by a car wreck on the highway.

The line-up of both warm-blooded and cold-blooded killer critters run the gamut from crustaceans, snakes, gorillas, wolverines, and squirrels (!). Included are several picture portfolios that always added to the allure of the story they illustrated.

Obviously inspired by the most famous animal attack story of all time, "Weasels Ripped My Flesh", I WATCHED THEM EAT ME ALIVE is essential reading for both the connoisseur and curious who are seeking a few hours of monster mayhem from the golden years of men's adventure magazine. Messrs. Deis and Doyle have skillfully assembled a generous dose of classic animal attack stories that entertain as well as having the capacity of chilling your blood... that is, if the killer creatures have left any of it.

This super-entertaining book is available at Amazon or through Mr. Deis's fabulous blog, MensPulpMags.com.

PREPARE TO BE EATEN ALIVE!

Robert Deis and Wyatt Doyle's survey of "Killer Creatures in Men's Magazines" has just been published. Below is a video preview with samples from the book. You can purchase the book HERE.

Watch these pages for a complete review coming soon!

I WATCHED THEM EAT ME ALIVE!

Just when you thought it was safe to go back... well, anywhere, along comes I Watched Them Eat Me Alive: Killer Creatures in Men's Adventure Magazines. The first in the series of "The Men's Adventure Library Journal", edited by Robert Deis and Wyatt Doyle and published by New Texture, is due for delivery this month (April 6, according to Amazon). If it's anything similar to the other fare that has been served up by the resident expert curators of those wonderful pulp rags called "Men's Adventure Magazines", this book will surely entertain and delight. MMW will keep you posted.

In the meantime, I urge you to check out Mr. Deis' excellent site, Men'sPulpMags.com.

[Image Source: MensPulpMags.com]