An Invincible Summer - A Woman's Journey

 Text from neighbor: HEADSUP: Two friends of ours, both in their 50's, got appointments (this hour) for vaccinations at the CVS. Site is easy to navigate.  Good Luck I gave it a try but I still did not qualify, not having any of the exceptions. Me to Boy Scout :  I'd make the appointment but I don't want to lie. I'm not comfortable with that. Boy Scout to Me: I get it. I wouldn't be either. I stare at him astonished, he stares at me sheepishly, and we both start laughing hysterically. Boy Scout, the man who cleverly omits facts, changes directions of conversations, can be honesty challenged when it is going to make him look bad and is known to boost his boasting in fantastical ways then says, almost ashamedly but not quite, "That was a lie."  The man is working on it.  

People will apply meaning to Nancy Pelosi's tearing up of the State of the Union speech. Very likely their opinions of the meaning will follow their own party lines. And while I don’t believe it was necessary, neither do I believe that it means any more than what she said it means. "I tore up a manifesto of mistruths," Pelosi said at her weekly Capitol Hill news conference Thursday. "It was necessary to get the attention of the American people to say, 'This is not true. And this is how it affects you.' And I don't need any lessons from anyone, especially the President of the United States, about dignity." That is what she says it means. It does not mean she doesn't value our military veterans, or families in need of help (Please......it is rather widely known that the Democrats are the ones that are trying to protect the safety nets like the disability cuts suggested in the POTUS's new budget). It does not mean she disrespect the office ...

I was talking with the Boy Scout about an incident that happened before he came along. I'm not proud of it but it felt good to admit it to someone even if he didn't understand the weight of it. After the Secret Keeper finished with rehab in Vegas, he flew home to Burbank airport.  I drove the hour long drive to pick him up in anxiety and anger. Was I mad...what an understatement. My entire world had been turned upside down and it was all I could do to remember to eat on occasion. The craziness I had lived in before his rehab was a practice run to my life for the 8 weeks while he was gone. The phone calls, the constant feeling of disorientation, the shock at each new revelation and the bewilderment of the actions of an addict.    How could I have not seen the world from his point of view too? Why was I unable to realize that everything he knew had been smashed? How could I have been so selfish? The idea makes me feel slightly ill now. And without my counselor...

I desire to be an authentic person. Authentic people practice the following: 1. They don’t fake their feelings. Highly authentic people don’t hide their feeling or pretend they are feeling something they are not. If they are upset, they show it. If they like someone, they let them know. They express their feelings honestly and openly without fear or prejudice.  2. They don’t worry about pleasing everyone. Highly authentic people strive to show compassion and understanding to everyone, but they don’t strive to live up to others’ expectation or bother to please everyone. They know you cannot please everyone and you shouldn’t even try. 3. They don’t lie. People who are not self-aware and self-assured tell lies so easily and readily that it becomes second nature to them. However, highly authentic people tell the truth always because they know lies destroy trust and relationships. Tell the truth even when it is difficult to do so and you will never have to ...

I mess up, screw up, make huge mistakes and make mountains out of molehills. I believe the lies my thoughts tell me, I succumb to the fear, overreact, ignore and punish. I do that but that is not me. I am a good person (or at least I try very hard) who does those things on occasion, who messes up in a big way but gets up, brushes myself off and then tries again and again and again. There is improvement and that is what my focus needs to be. Getting better, being kinder, not believing the lies, taking responsibility for my own feelings, counting to 10, working through the fear. I have the tools that would enable me to do this. #1 lesson ignored this weekend was "Take Nothing Personally. #2 lesson ignored "No Expectations". Those would have helped. There are more....lots more. This weekend there was a big curve in the road. Unfortunate but true. I lost it, big time! Later (too late), I had time to reflect. Next time, hopefully, reflection will come sooner; before ...

Everybody lies.  It's a hobby for some. It's second nature for others and self preservation for many. Truth be told, it seems like most people wouldn't know the truth if it slapped them in the face. Is it clear I'm having an off day?