An Invincible Summer - A Woman's Journey

I know I got in bed on that Saturday night. I don't know why I bothered. Who in the world could turn their brain off? Honestly it was in the following two months that the idea of using a drug or drinking sounded like bliss. How, even for an hour or two, I could forget everything. But that is not who I am. I did not sleep and sometime in the night I decided to check out a few places that I knew he gravitated towards. I drove around the quiet city realizing how crazy the behavior was. Normal people don't do this. Normal people have dinner, watch TV, dine with friends, visit grandkids, feel happy or lonely, but now are peacefully sleeping. Only crazy people drive around a city and look for someone that doesn't want to be found. Somewhere around 4:30 I found him. He was at his office. I parked and walked around the building, the night air chilling my tense body. I saw him in the window. He was at his desk, clearly agitated. Making phone calls, looking on his computer, repe...

Last few days have been a bit hard. Why does mental illness work against itself in almost all situations? I wish I knew. What I do know is that the people that care for someone with mental illness can see so clearly what needs to be done to help the situation. Meanwhile, the sick person continues on a road of self abuse, self destruction and craziness and, for some reason, tries to drag everyone they love down with them. My stomach is churning and I am trying so hard to practice gratitude right now. It's coming slowly but not easily. Worrying about the future is not something I should be doing. I'm grabbing tomorrow back from my Higher Power and saying, "I got this dude....step aside while I figure things out." Meanwhile, my person, who I love, is in a tremendous amount of pain but still manipulating. Trying for a delicate balance of: I care for you, how can I help or Stop texting me that shit or I will block your damn number Sometimes, or often, I feel l...