An Invincible Summer - A Woman's Journey

I love the idea of a relationship being a safe haven. It is only an idea to me at this point because I am not nearly trusting enough find that in anyone anymore and I am aware enough to know that I too have to be a safe haven to the partner in my life in order to have that in return. In some ways I am a safe haven. I am reliable, honest, extremely loyal and Jiminy Cricket keeps me on the straight and narrow but I am explosive in my fear and anger and that is never good. I need to be the safe person I desire my partner to be.

One thing I've realized in the last couple of months is that I am damaged goods. Even though I try to work the steps, have a grateful heart, focus on mindfulness....even though I do all that, my deep need to feel safe causes me to say and do things that I usually regret and sometimes cause damage to others. Just because I see this, does not mean I know what to do with it. At times, I am at a loss. All I can do is keep trying, doing the best I can, I suppose. I know I need to get to the place where, when I feel scared and panicky, I am able to say, "Linda, this is fear, it is just a feeling, it does not need to be acted on. Feel it, embrace it, let it slip away over time. It's okay babe....ride it out".  SOMEDAY......

If you saw my last post, you know that detachment is a tough thing for me and for so many people I know. I took the previous four steps to heart! Redirecting my thinking each time it got out of whack. Feeling so much more peace. Don't chase your loved ones away by making them responsible for you feeling....OK, in control, loved, peaceful, content, safe or just plain happy. Remember that step #3, "I could feel___________" is an inside job. Letting It Begin With Me.